Child support to the Philippines

[Mars]

... in response to Too late..., posted by Bob S. on Nov 20, 2001

More than likely, you are correct. I hope not though, for the kids sake.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Are you crazy?, posted by panther on Nov 19, 2001

Wow, panther. Sounds like she needs serious psychiatric help. My sister-in-law used to have horrible mood swings, planted plenty of seeds of discontent (jealosy, I think) and when my wife was friendly with her, we ended up in some pretty bad fights, but never physical and never to the extreme of anyone mentioning killing themselves or anyone else. Finally my wife realized what was happening, realized she didn't want to jeopardize our marriage, so quit paying attention to her sister. Life has been wonderful since. Best of luck to you in what sounds like a nearly impossible situation. By all means CYA as best you can.
-- Jeff S.

[Taliman]

... in response to Child support to the Philippines, posted by panther on Nov 19, 2001

Panther, May I ask the age of your wife?
Also have you considered marriage counselling? How old is the child?
Would be sad to see you separated from your child by such a far distance.
Good Luck to you!
Taliman

[panther]

... in response to Re: Child support to the Philippines, posted by Taliman on Nov 19, 2001

Thanks Taliman.  My wife is in her mid 20s and I am in my early 50s.  The baby is less than 6 months old. We have been counselled by a priest twice and both her families talked to both of us.  She is being influenced now by an unstable irresponsible relative who dumped her own kids, who lived here for years, on her family in the Philippines while she stays here and parties. It is very sad to have my marriage end and to have the child so far away. I think the best thing to do in this no win situation is to let my unhappy wife return to the Philippines to be with her family (although I question how that is going to work out) rather than have her do something stupid over here and harm herself and the baby.

[Taliman]

... in response to Re: Re: Child support to the Philippines, posted by panther on Nov 19, 2001

Well if that is the case and U decide to let them BOTH go hope you can find a way
to insure that any support U send would be used for the Baby and not for other things.
Sorry to hear about this.  Hope things work out for U and the baby.
Regards
Taliman

[Ray]

... in response to Child support to the Philippines, posted by panther on Nov 19, 2001

You really need to sit down and talk to a family law attorney. What you need is solid legal advice.

Ray

[Mars]

... in response to Re: Child support, posted by Ray on Nov 19, 2001

......Had I listened to my attorney 100% back during the "war", I wouldn't have my kids with me today. Just take your kid....the cops aren't going to come and take him away from you....you are the kids Dad. If she did call the cops, just provoke her subtly in front of them so she wigs out. They will haul her away for you. Child custody is a dirty biz but some Dad's take massive action.

[panther]

... in response to Re: Child support, posted by Ray on Nov 19, 2001

but I forgot to ask this question.  I was more concerned about wife calling police on me, going to a shelter, taking the baby out of the country.  I called the INS also. The INS said the airlines won't let the baby leave without my permission. The only way I can keep the baby here according to the lawyer is to file in court for custody of the baby and he said this will be messy. I think if the baby has to be with one parent only it should be with the mother so I will let them return to the Philippines after we have a divorce agreement worked out.  The lawyer said I need to think this over for a couple of weeks.  I was just wondering if anyone else is in this situation or knows of someone who is and how it is working out.

[Mars]

... in response to Talked to attorney, posted by panther on Nov 19, 2001

Panther......I say this with utmost respect for you so please do not think what I say is insultive. You need to get rid of that notion that the kid is better off with their mother. My ex (American Indian) and her family were exactly like your wife and her family in behavior. I wouldn't and didn't trust her with an inch of my life regarding any type of divorce agreement and you shouldn't trust your soon to be ex either. You cannot negotiate with individuals or people who do not share your value system. They understand your values all too well and will use your honorable values and to their utmost advantage. They play by a different set of rules than you and the rules they use change frequently. They know the rules you play by and values you hold dear.... and theirs are incomprehensible to you and/or you are repulsed by the ones you do understand. Keep your kid in America Man.....He/She will thank you in the years to come. Did you ever stop to think what could happen if your ex re-marries and all of a sudden, your  child has an abusive step father who likes to whoop on the proverbial red headed step child? Or the guy could be, God forbid, a pedophile. Could you live with yourself if that happened to your helpless child? Think it over before you let that kid go.....

[panther]

... in response to Re: Talked to attorney, posted by Mars on Nov 19, 2001

Thanks Mars for all your input. Your mentioning of the abusive step father puts a new slant on this I didn't consider.  If my daugher was in the Philippines and this happened I would not be there to protect her.  Plus I don't like the sister's children that were dumped on the family over there and my daughter would be infuenced by them.  I have to fight this.  The divorce agreement can be enforced here in California but if I let my daughter go to the Philippines it won't be worth the paper it is written on.  My daughter must stay here.  My wife and her family there will have to accept that. I still hold hope for what others are saying about medications and counseling. My wife is an excellent mother and if her mood swings can be controlled and she can get away from her sister here things can be OK.  She is really bonded to this baby and I think it would destroy her and hurt the baby to have them separated.  I don't like that advice today that I got from the lawyer pertaining to the only way to stop the baby from leaving the country is to gain custody.  I think I can get restraining orders or have this as part of the settlement. I agree: the baby must stay in California.

[Mars]

... in response to I agree: she must stay in USA, posted by panther on Nov 20, 2001

Cool Panther but that attorney is absolutley correct. I would heed his advice. I wish you the best and I hope everything turns out well for your baby girl.