Moving forward-- Reality check

[BogotaJim]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Mov..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 15, 2005

Okie Man -  I have been following this thread with a great deal of interest and would like to ad some more opinions.  You have learned a lot about another culture in a short period of time and hopefully this will make it easier for you in the future.  For sure the latinas cannot or will not tell a guy they have lost interest- thats for you to discover so always look for signs.  Most of the guys on this board have also made many mistakes and have not pursued the most efficient way to meet and marry a good woman and thats why they have been here for so long and are still posting. There is also a lot of guys here who have no intention of marrying and more power to them.   In 15 years of owning an agency I have haD ABOUT 1200 MARRIAGES WHERE THE GUY MADE 3 OR LESS TRIPS TO cOLOMBIA - MARRIED AND HAS LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN THE us. These guys do not need to post here as they easily achieved their objectives so when someone tells you it will cost you $5000 to $10,000 from start to finish I think thats way too high.  If you have a good plan you should accomplish your objective within one year.  Like everyone else here I hope you continue in your search as in the long run it will be worth the effort.  Based on what I have read about you I believe you would be happier in Bogota with the ladies there. Buienas suerte!

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

OKM,

"Like I asked before, what is wrong with getting a simple yes or no answer? Is that too much to ask? I can handle an honest no. What I don't want is," I can't make up my mind if I like you well enough now. But, if you'll take me out for nice dinners, etc; then I'll let you know". Afterwards, of course, it is "sorry Charlie Tuna"! "

If this question is sincere and you have been taking women out to dinner who are not into to you, then you have not been reading the many posts here about how Latinas express their emotions.  Pete, myself, and many others have repeatedly written that Latinas show their emotions very plainly.  If they like you and want to be with you they show it clearly through their affection and smiles.  If they don't want to be with you they show that as well very plainly, through lateness, lack of affection, rudeness (as in many cell phones calls in your presence), no smiles, no eye contact.  

Here is my short answer to your question; if she is not giving clear YES, then it is a NO!

PROXIMA!!!!!

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality ch..., posted by Brazilophile on Jun 14, 2005

Brazilophile,

I understand what you are saying. She was very sweet, and she did not treat me in the manner you just described.  Having said that, something obviously happened.  Just when I don't know.  However, I am trying to learn from my mistakes.

                          OkieMan

[doombug]

... in response to Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality ch..., posted by Brazilophile on Jun 14, 2005

"Here is my short answer to your question; if she is not giving clear YES, then it is a NO!"

Precisely.

If she really digs you, correspondence will quickly follow.  Either by phone or email, no matter the roadblock.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Realit..., posted by doombug on Jun 14, 2005

I agreee.   So, this deal is dead, and I am moving on.
I am just trying to figure out how to not repeat my same mistakes. I don't want to repeat them, and then have this crap happen all over again.
                           OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Re..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

dont beat yourself up over it. these are not mistakes just a learning curve. they are of a different culture. you can increase your odds greatly by being in demand - and that is to focus on more than one lady.

[doombug]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Re..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Though Pete may not might be living the ideal lifestyle you'd envision for yourself, he is definitely among the wisest disher-outers of advice here.  Plus, he has a heart of gold, spilling the truth in a manner that doesn't come off as patronizing or insulting.  

He seems to have evaluated everything quite well, and gave you some excellent suggestions.

That one post may have been the most important one you have ever read here.

Save it, print it, laminate it, abide by it.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-..., posted by doombug on Jun 14, 2005

Doombug,

Very true.

[fathertime]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Howdy Okieman,
We do not know each either but I have followed your story closely and thought I would weigh in a bit.  From what I have gathered the success rate does seem low and even lower in Ukraine.  I do not think that the latinas find us any more attractive than we really are.  We are a package to them and a large part of the package is our geography.  
When around the latinas I just want to be fun-loving and light with the conversation.  Why get too serious and question their lifes goals.  Part of attraction is having fun and that is usually the first part.  My thought is first we have fun than we find out if we have congruent goalsa and want to be serious.  Did you have fun with your potential woman or did she get hammered with deep questions?  It seems that a one week trip is just not truly enought unless you are willing to take the risk of going for it.  I am willing to do that but most are not and I do not know if that is good or bad.  It looks like you learned a lot on your trip and I learned a lot on mine.

I am looking at my options here in the states and my overwhelming thought is that I will definately be back to Cali. I would rather take the chance and have the chance to hit it big rather than settle for what I am likely to get here.  
Good Luck
Fathertime

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by fathertime on Jun 14, 2005

Fathertime,

Thanks for your comments. BTW, that is an interesting handle that you use; especially if you are still only in your late thirties.  At 52, I guess I am  "old geezer"!ha
To get back to your questions, first of all, with this particular lady; she and I corresponded for 5 months before I arrived.  That is when I asked most of my questions.  When I was in Cali, we mostly went out and had fun.  With her, it was easy to enjoy myself.  She was beautiful, sweet and charming. But, she was not some 20 something, with siicone tits and no brains!  However, that still did not seem to help my situation.  Apparanetely, I am unable to understand the subtle "hints" she must have been giving out. She evidently chose to totally ignore my questions that would be normal at times like that.  I was trying to "take her temperature", so to speak.  Since I do not speak much spanish at present, I had several people that helped me to translate many of my conversations with her.  In my mind, I gave her many opportunities to bow out gracefully, if she did not wish to continue.  But, instead, I find out about this crap after I get home.  I guess I am the last one to find out!  I hate that!  All she had to do was make her wishes known, and I would have had time to look for some other lady to spend some time with.  I realize that there are no guarantees with this, but I don't like to be purposefully mislead!(That's the way I see it).  The other part of my first post on this thread was the observation that there are not too many other men that were finding "true love" either.  There seems to be a lot more "wishing and hoping" on all our parts. If I am wrong about this, I would like someone to tell me.  Having said all that, I am not giving up either.  But, I am trying to re-access my situation.

                           OkieMan

[ROGUEAGENT]

... in response to Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Okieman,

I haven't seen any evidence that your lady intentionally mislead you. I think it was a combination of:

1) everything moving so fast she didn't have a chance to figure things out - you only saw her for a week *and* at the same time you seemed to expect a degree of seriousness from her which might take months of being together, and

2) genuine appreciation for the attention, affection, going out on the town, meeting her family and friends, etc. ; and

3) She finally realized (probably on your last night) that some of the things she didn't like (as listed by Pete) were not things that could be resolved by merely talking about them, so why spoil your last night together with a confrontation. She probably thought you werent going to like what she had to say, and since you understand virtually no Spanish you were not going to understand her anyway.

[OkieMan]

... in response to RE: Intentionally mislead?, posted by ROGUEAGENT on Jun 15, 2005

You may be right.  Time will tell.