Moving forward-- Reality check

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by beenthere on Jun 15, 2005

Beenthere,

Thanks for those "kind" words.  Since you don't put any personal info in your profile, I have no idea about your background or expertise.  But,I feel confident that I will prevail through all of this one way or the other.  Utimately, I will do just fine.

                                  OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by OkieMan on Jun 15, 2005

Okie, BeenThere could have said things much differently but on the one hand he is not totally out of line with respect to the situation.  No one likes rejection, flaky behavior, scammers, mixed signals, etc., etc.  But that is part of the package and it can happen with any woman Latin or otherwise.  You are entitled to vent, that is what we should be here for. But at sometime which I think is now you realize venting does not do much good.  Better to go to the gym and work up a sweat or pop a couple cold ones and get on with it.  I am looking forward to your next trip report.  I really wish you would give Panama a try so you can enlighten the forum but wherever you go I am sure it will go down differently. i will stay tuned

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by papi on Jun 15, 2005

Papi,

Yes, I have now officially taken a "chill pill".  Thanks for your pointers.

                          OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by OkieMan on Jun 15, 2005

i prefer getting laid to a chill pill but sounds like a move in the right direction. we have all "beenthere" - in my case, more than once - much more

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by OkieMan on Jun 15, 2005

hey, it's just tough love, don't take it too personally...

regarding my expertise...well, let's just say I've "been there"...

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by beenthere on Jun 15, 2005

i agree more or less with your analysis but maybe a little cushioning of the words next time - we all have "beenthere" and it ain't much fun

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by beenthere on Jun 15, 2005

"Don't take this too personally, but I'm a straight shooter, and basically you are being a big baby...You went to Cali and met one girl and it didn't work out, so, now all latin women are complicated...PLEASE!!"

A little harsh, but I think very accurate.  OKM is not the only AM to be unable to think outside the AW box on his first trip so he should not take your criticism personally.  Until AM experience the field of LW, they use the field of AW as their reference point.  OKM is using the standard he learned from AW in LW because he hasn't had enough experience with LW to develop a new standard.  There is a different "balance of power" in LA in our favor.  An AM won't be successful with an LW until he realizes this and incorporates that new reality into his strategy and behavior.

Hoda's advice is excellent.  Travel South just for vacation.  Experience Latin women of all kinds.  Learn the culture and the romantic ropes through experience.  Then start looking for a wife after you realize the value of what you have to offer and the value of what they have to offer.

I did exactly that by accident.  I had been vacationing in LA for several years, for pleasure only, before I decided to start looking for a wife.  In fact, it was the experience of how Latin women treated me on my vacations compared to how AW treated me that led me to consider LW as wife material.

[Jake]

... in response to Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by beenthere on Jun 15, 2005

Thank you been there

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: OkieMan, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Focusing on the differences IMHO always leads to trouble. My wife and I never focus on our differences - we focus on what we share and what we have in common - the stuff that binds us together.

[Jamie]

... in response to Re: OkieMan, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

“However, I don't think that I am out of line for wanting more complete information.”

Information has it limits eventually you have to play the game. A rookie quarterback is not put out there with a full play book at his disposal he is given what he can grasp and use in order to get the job done. No one is going to be able to teach you all the nuances of women. That being the case you rely on the right support to cover your weakness. It is that simple.

“I never claimed I was an expert with latin women, but I'm not a idiot either!”

No one charged you with either side. You don’t need to be an expert with Latin women to get a good Latin woman.  

“The other point I was trying to make is that it seems that many of the other posters on this board aren't doing much better.”

The majority of guys who have done this are happily married at home and don’t care to share their lives with the public. Why should such guys be on this forum they have a wife at home? I believe most of the active guys on this board have done better.

“...there are fewer success stories than I had hoped for.”

Heat’s success with a hundred women does not help you in the success with one woman (I sometimes like to stroke Heat’s head to delay his foaming at the mouth). There are plenty of successes, but if you don’t take good advice and make unforeseen blunders you won’t benefit from the lessons.

“I would think that things like basic attraction, enjoyment of other's company, etc would be able to lead men like me to a higher success rate.”

Not if it is one-sided. You still have to be enjoyable and attractive and those are subjective determinations, which mean you only focus on those that see those attributes in you and you must see that they do.

“But, I will also be the first to admit that I have a long ways to go before I would consider myself an expert in this field.”

Most experts are experts at not getting what they want stop trying to be an expert you just need to be effective and take responsibility for your own missteps and make the appropriate adjustments with Pete at you side so you can be coached at the moment.

Engage the Exotic - Latin Women
http://International-Introductions.com

[Traveller]

... in response to Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by Jamie on Jun 14, 2005

I agree with Jamie and Papi on the Okieman saga. Over analysis. Now before I get into it, I don't want to get married. Something about some cow and free milk or something. I'm having a fine time down here being single. But, I still like to go out. For those of you who don't know me, I'm a surly unpleasant bastard most of the time. But, to know me is to love me. LOL! You still have to play the game even living here and strictly dating. You still have to put up with the scammers and free loaders. Hell, after 6 years and damn near 4 years straight here, I still can't tell who's who simply by looking at them. They come in all shape and sizes and financial backgrounds. Who's a pro and who's playing minor league ball. But, the smokescreen they put up doesn't blind me as long as it used to though. It took me 6 years to get to that point.
Hoda hit it on the head, don't make finding a wife a job. Come down as a vacation and date every woman who'll look at you. Have fun with it. You'll probably find someone just on the luck of the draw rather than focusing on just one. I mean, how many stories have we heard about a guy coming down to meet just one woman and they get married on that trip or if they did get married it was over quicker than the engagement. Not a lot, I'm sure. It's usually a woman they met AFTER the woman they had come to meet didn't work out. I know there are some TLC guys who don't post on this board that meet a girl at the party and ask her to marry him that night. I just wonder if that works out or not. I don't know.
When I first moved here, I had a alot of girls calling me and I went out a lot. But when they found out that I planned to stay here, a lot of the dead wood got culled. Kind of makes you wonder.....did they just want me for that VISA to the States or what? But, out of that, I got a better class of women to go out with. Oddly enough, I'm dating the ex-girlfriends again. Go figure.
So Okie my man, this should be fun for you. You aren't going to have a good success rate at your skill level. Just go with it and have fun looking and dating. Don't take it so seriously. You don't need to know everything either. I mean, I'm up for answering questions, but some of your questions are tiresome. Not ragging your ass, but "What do Latinas want?" How am I suppose to answer that? Or anybody else? You got to figure that out for yourself. We can give you what WE think, but that answer might not work for you. Hell, when you find out with reasonable confidence, let me know. I ain't figured it out exactly yet.
The analogy of football is great. You ARE that third string Junior QB thrown in against the defending league champs with those all league defensive tackles. You're out there making the decisions with limited experience in front of a crowd. Kind of scary, but pretty exciting and fun too. At least you got a team behind you though. If we are using sports analogies, I always kind of thought about it like a wrestling tournament. Out there on the mat one on one with someone you don't know or what kind of skills they have and vice versa. The whole match is based on your decisions. You lock up and test their stength. See what they got. Then you try a move and they counter. Ok. Try this. No? Ok, let's try this. Until finally you find something that evetually works for you. Trial and Error. Pin 'em Okie, Pin 'em! LOL! Yeah, I was pretty good at wrestling. 2 years undefeated! Sorry, to put you guys through that. LOL!
Anyways Okie, have a good time with this and don't take it so seriously. Now's a good time to start setting up for the next trip.  Take what you learned and apply it for the next time. Relax!
Holy Crap! I'm finally done with work. I can go to bed now and quit bugging you guys with these long ass posts.
Night folks,
K

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by Traveller on Jun 15, 2005

where do you live Traveller?

[Traveller]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by papi on Jun 15, 2005

Down here in Cali. On Av. Estacion.

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by Traveller on Jun 15, 2005

i bet you are enjoying yourself

[Traveller]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: OkieMan, posted by papi on Jun 15, 2005

Yeah, for the most part. But, it's just living here now. The adventure of it is gone now. I get a little frustrated on the way things are done down here, but then I think of the people who are envious of my situation and I put it in perspective. Lie ain't bad.