Latina women ..........

[Jake]

Instead of looking for that SPECIAL lady .... how about being that special man first for her ....

[MarkNJ]

... in response to Latina women .........., posted by Jake on Apr 25, 2005

Rumor has it that one of the keys to having success is that ultimately it is the Latina who will find you...  So it is best to make yourself available as much as possible so that you give her the opportunity to find you...

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Latina women .........., posted by MarkNJ on Apr 25, 2005

I don't think that is a rumor!  I came to that conclusion 2 years into my search.  It really changed my perspective.  

Thinking about the ways a woman can show acceptance or rejection of a man, and watching her behavior for clues opened my eyes about how I should best present myself so that the type of woman I was interested in would choose me for her man.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by Brazilophile on Apr 25, 2005

Brazilophile,

Good idea.  Care to elaborate?  I try to be the type of man that a "special latina" would want.  But, other than being my normal, wonderful, charming self, what would you suggest?

                         OkieMan

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by OkieMan on Apr 25, 2005

There is not a "one size fits all" man for Latinas.  Different woman have different tastes and preferences.  To be successful in being chosen by a compatible Latina,  man must know what he has to offer and be attentive as to whether a specific woman is mostly attracted to what you have or mostly attracted to other traits and qualities.

My noiva is very much attracted to my basic qualities.  I am learning that she has strong desires to mold and shape other aspects of myself to make me ideal in her eyes.  I am going along with that because she is reciprocating.  She is changing minor things to suit my preferences.

Remember that a "special Latina" is in the eye of the beholder.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by Brazilophile on Apr 26, 2005

True, but I am curious about the ways that your latina is trying to change you?  That sounds somewhat like the old joke about the american girl.  She goes home to tell her Mom that she has met Mr. Right.  She says, "Mom, I love him so much, and I just can't wait to change him".  That seems to be more of a deal with the younger girls.  The dreamy eyed ones who think they want "Prince Charming", and someday, he will take her to his castle, blah, blah, blah.  As far as latinas go, I am too new at this to know what they expect.  Naturally, I will do my best to be the kind of man that any good latina would want; and if I am fortunate to meet my "Ms Right", then I will do my best to accomdate her in many ways.  But, at 51, almost 52, she better like who and what I am-- cause I "ain't gonna change too much!  I don't mean that as being stubborn.  I think I am being realistic.  I want to meet a lady that I like already.  I don't want her to change very much. I don't count learning a different language as changing.  The changing I am referring to is changing my basic life style or character.  The other stuff is just window dressing.  If a latina thinks that she likes a certain style of clothes for me, and wants to help me pick them out; I don't count that as changing.  Not unless she wants me to wear something really strange.  Modify may be a better word.  In fact, I think I have already modified my lifestyle when I decided that going after a latina was preferable to an american woman.  I have done many of the things that most of you other guys have done, or are doing.  But, I will not go after a woman, and then try to change her.  I will only go after the type of woman that I already like/accept.  So, maybe it's just semantics.  At any rate, I wish you the best.

                           Okieman

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by OkieMan on Apr 26, 2005

Women marry men hoping they will change. They don't. Men marry women hoping they won't change. They do.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by OkieMan on Apr 26, 2005

"As far as latinas go, I am too new at this to know what they expect. Naturally, I will do my best to be the kind of man that any good latina would want; and if I am fortunate to meet my "Ms Right", then I will do my best to accomdate her in many ways. "

You miss my point.

Latinas are still women and have the need to bond emotionally.  How and with whom is the stuff of compatibility.  If you try to be the "kind of man any good Latina would want" then you are going to miss the boat many times.  

The point is to be the kind of man a SPECIFIC SPECIAL LATINA ACTUALLY WANTS!!!  That Latina is the woman that is best for you, not a good Latina, or good you for some other guy, BEST FOR YOU.  The way to that special Latina is going to know that she wants you is by you being yourself, not trying to be a particular kind of guy you think a good latina would want, being nothing but yourself, your honest self.

Hoda coined a phrase here, "Check-up from the neck up".  It means that we guys need to clean out our minds, get rid of our emotional baggage, thoroughly analyze ourselves, assess our strengths and weaknesses, and decide on the type of woman that is best for each of us.  

Judging from your latest questions and comments, Okieman, it seems to me that you haven't done that yet.  have you decided on how important her religion, or lack of it, is to you?  What is your philosophy on earning and spending money?  Do you want more children?  Are you willing to accept a woman with children?  Will you accomodate a woman who wants children?  Is her level of education important to you?  What if she asks you to live in Colombia, how will you respond to that request?  What are your attitudes regarding sex?  What attitudes about sex are you looking for in her?  How far will you go to accomodate her sexual tastes and preferences?  Are you willing to go without sex for years, as Pete did?  Can you communicate all of this honestly and openly to her in HER language, Spanish?  Will the comraderie you are getting from this board compete with developing emotional bonds with her?  For you, is the chase more exciting than the prize?

If your head isn't clear, you are in for a world of disappointment.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women ......, posted by Brazilophile on Apr 26, 2005

Brazilophile,

Excellent points.  You actually stated what I was trying to communicate in my post.  So, I am sorry that I did not state my case clearly.  I usually am able to. But, the truth is that the specific lady that I am going to Cali to see has been very open with me, and I with her.  We have discussed through emails the very type questions you mentioned.  I have been very specific. However, as you know, it is much different talking to someone in person than through emails.  So, naturally I will have to see how it goes when I meet her.  But believe me, I am not an indecisive person.  I have tried to use this board to better educate myself about the latin culture and latinas in general.  But, of course, each lady has to be taken individually. I certainly intend to do that, with whomever I actually have a relationship with.  So, to wind this down, I appreciate all the advice; after all, I asked for it.  But, I am now going to use the rest of my time until I leave doing what I must do-- like studying spanish, etc. But, that will be a process.  As far as this particular latina, I don't know what will happen. But, I feel like I have some good indications of what type of lady she is, and she should know what type man I am.  So we will see what happens.  Thanks again for you advice.

                              OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by OkieMan on Apr 25, 2005

be the man that is difficult to find in colombia...honest and faithful are the 2 the stand out, then comes caring and thoughtful, this one has been golden for me, thinking of my girlfriend and her family first, putting her wants and needs before mine, paying attention to her likes and dislikes, making her feel like you are listening to her, being a friend who can listen and understand her problems,not try to fix them but just understand that what may not seem like a big deal to us can be for her or them, oh and patience..lots of patience, ask her how she feels about or what she thinks about things. i once asked my girlfriend that, we were talking about a problem in her family and she had to think about it, she wasn't used to a guy asking her how she felt about things, she told me i was the first to ask for her opinion regarding that matter, she loved me for that. also, not letting the little things ruin your day, taking things in stride, being calm but not a whimp, make sure that she knows that you are there for her, she wants a man but not a machista.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by jediknight on Apr 25, 2005

n/t

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by jediknight on Apr 25, 2005

Jediknight,

Thanks for your insight.  Now, I know that you and I have joked and teased each other, from time to time.  But, honestly, I truly believe that I have many of the qualities and traits that you described.  But, having said that, my "weakest link" is patience. It is probably tough for most guys.  However, I also think that I could have a lot of patience with whatever situation comes up if I know that the lady in question truly loves me!  Until the relationship develops enough to know the answer to that, I will probably be in a different frame of mind.  Right now, I am wanting to get to Cali and actually meet this lady. We have discussed many things and I am trying my best to understand her. So, when we see each other, face to face; then I think we can have an enjoyable time.  Now, I think a lot of this will depend on her personality and maturity.  She is 35, going on 36; so she is not a kid.  In her emails to me, she has seemed to possess many wonderful qualities.  But, I just don't know how much is "wishful thinking", on her part, and what is real.  I know that everyone has to go through this initial introduction, and getting acquainted stuff.  That is always a part of it.  I intend to go there to have fun, and enjoy the company of a beautiful lady.  If things work out with this lady, then fine.  If not, then I will work on Plan B.  Meanwhile, I am brushing up on my being wonderful, dashing, debonair, and basically studly self! ha
(Boy, is that a joke!)

                    OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women .........., posted by OkieMan on Apr 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

patience......I think you need to find a way to get some, i'm not kidding. if this has been difficult for you in the past then you have to develop techniques for this. you will need patience from the beginning to end, in other words, patience in meeting the right woman, in not rushing into things, in courting her without scaring her away, so as not to be "intenso" which is intense or overwhelming, patience in understanding a woman that comes from a different culture and way of thinking and doing things. patience while she is learning english, in trying to figure out what she is saying, in not losing your temper when there is a misunderstanding (there will be MANY of those), then theres the patience in waiting to get her over here once you find the one...i mean i can go on and on so go out and get some or else you'll just be frustrated and any woman that is worth it will NOT want to be with you, the ones that are looking for a green card will put up with it until she gets what she wants and then it's goodbye okie. as far as brushing up on being wonderful, i'd suggest spending time brushing up on your spanish, there is little time left before your trip but every little bit helps. don't let anyone tell you otherwise or downplay the importance of learning spanish, its vital if you want a meaningful relationship. if she doesn't know english how are you going to get to really know each other? through an interpreter? hand signals? this is cute at the beginning, even funny but it gets old very fast and there is where the patience comes in again, it can be very frustrating not being able to get your point across in either language. i find it interesting that there are guys here who refuse to learn spanish or are very limited in their skills, expecting only the woman to become fluent in english while all they are only able to say is hola como estas? it's called being lazy, selfish, plain BS, she will appreciate you more by making the effort and learning her language.
JK

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Latina women ......, posted by jediknight on Apr 26, 2005

Jedi,

I agree, and I will continue to work on those things.  I also understand that it will not be easy, whomever I end up with.  But, I am attempting to be patient, with myself as well as any lady that I might have a relationship with. As you know, this is a big step for anyone.  But,  I am committed to doing what I can.  One thing is for sure, here in the States, my options are even more limited; especially at my age.  Frankly, I don't want to have to consider that as an option anymore. So, it's sort of "burning bridges", so there is no more retreat.  That's sort of spooky, and it has taken me some time to come to terms with that.  But, now I am ready to continue the journey.

                              OkieMan