More about what latinas want - long post

[OkieMan]

I have a follow up question to the other threads posted here.  By the way, I know this has all been discussed before.  But, humor me.  There have been many discussions about how sexy the latinas are; but there are also many discussions about how to properly treat her.  They obviously have a different attitude, culture and language than the american women.  So, having said that; I need to get your opinions on how they view themselves, and what they want.  For instance, we know that they dress very sexy; but they also want to be treated like a lady-- and I totally agree.  I would never want to mistreat or abuse one of those sweet ladies.  But, I am still trying to figure out what they want from us?   Surely, they must know that they are drawing attention to themselves?  So, what kind of attention do they want?   One the one hand, they want to be respected and loved. The latinas are certainly not happy with latin men, in their own respective countries.  They don't like the unfaithfulness, etc.   The way I have always tried to treat any lady is with respect.  But, having said that, many men on this board have shared their stories with how their lady dresses (sexy); or maybe they have commented on sexy latinas in general.  I know that their manner of dress can often send mixed signals to us.  Low cut blouses, short skirts, see through clothes.  I am not complaining.  I love it!  But can any of you share your prospective about what the latinas are thinking?  If I were in their shoes, and I was considering wearing those wonderful sexy clothes; I would be certainly hoping that men would flirt with me, ask me out-- and yes, I would expect that many men would be trying to get in my pants! I know that I sound like an american man-- guess what, I am!  When I go to Cali next month, my intentions are to spend some time with at least one calena.  If that does not work out, then more.  I will try to always be a gentleman, etc.  But, I am still learning about the mindset of the latinas.  I will refer to Pete's earlier post about his attractive 23 year old maid.  Good Lord.  I can't imagine here in the States having a 23  year old girl as a maid.  Especially if she has the kind of body that Pete described.  Pete admitted that he groped her butt when she was playing with his chest hair. It all sounds like innocent fun.  But, still Pete felt like she did not want to be touched, and he apologized.  But, at the same time, she is still "strutting her stuff" for him and others to notice.  It just seems a little confusing that's all.  But, one way or the other, I am committed to doing my best to understand.  

                              OkieMan

[Jamie]

... in response to More about what latinas want - long post, posted by OkieMan on Apr 26, 2005

Okieman, I agree with the consensus with the exception of learning Spanish. I have already debated this issue on this board (actually all of them) more then once and I hold the minority opinion that learning Spanish is not a critical requirement. Approximately 70% of the men that I have seen coming down and getting engaged do not learn or know much Spanish. 10-20 of the men are Latin and most but not all of them speak Spanish. So if you exclude the Hispanic background the vast majority of guys don’t learn much and are not hindered by it. Yes, it will cost them more money by not knowing Spanish, but one has to weigh the cost against the available time they have to learn.

Let take a typical scenario. You meet a girl and you correspond with her for 3 months prior to coming down using automated or human translation help. When you visit you use a translator for at least part of your stay. If things work out you start paying for her English lessons and start the visa process. Most guys will and should go down for a second visit and they now will most likely spend less time with a translator because the girl has been learning English. If she is motivated she will learn fast. Now it is certainly within reason that your girl is in the States 10 months after your first contact her. Now if you started Spanish on day one you could get by with rudimentary conversation nothing too complicated or abstract, but certainly passable. Now tell me once back in the States is it really practical to continue to learn Spanish a language you have no desperate use for accept for communicating with you wife who at this time should have 6 months of English under her belt? Now lets say you’re an average guy who works hard and have limited free time and could muster two hours a day learning Spanish. Ask yourself would it be better for you to spend 2 hours every day learning Spanish or two hours everyday helping your wife learn English in a society that speaks English? For most it takes many years to be well versed in any language. Wouldn’t it be best to spend your time and resources focused on advancing your wife’s communication and possible career skills?

Now I’m not saying don’t learn Spanish if you want to. I’m saying if you don’t want to learn Spanish it won’t hinder your success. It did not hinder mine and I have yet to see it hinder one man.
Not only does it not hinder you, knowing just enough Spanish can even hurt you (how do you like that for a twist). Some of the biggest misunderstanding has come from guys who felt they knew enough Spanish to get but would run into situations where misunderstanding would arise due to their misinterpretations.

Jediknight can say, “if anyone tells you that knowing spanish is not important, they are full of **it, it is very important.”

I can tell you what’s important to one person doesn’t have to be important to another person. Success has more than one route and what you bring with you doesn’t have to be the same as the hiker next to you.

My wife never once ask me how to learn Spanish she taught me the words I needed for the bedroom and that was it

As a side note I take about 10 hours a Spanish a week because of other circumstances and if I did not have someone helping me with the pronunciation I don’t think I would get very far. If I make the slightest mispronunciation with one letter of the word I won’t be understood. Even when my pronunciation is good I’m not understood by the locals. I asked a taxi drive to take me to Hotel del Prado and the taxi driver says Hotel Dan Carlton?

Engage the Exotic – Latin Women
http://International-Introductions.com

[jediknight]

... in response to Advice and Learning Spanish , posted by Jamie on Apr 27, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

okie and everyone else in the same boat, not knowing spanish or having limited knowledge if the language should not deter you from flying down to colombia/latin america and looking for the woman of your dreams. if you wait until you are somewhat fluent in the language, it will only postpone your trip for a few years and that is not something anyone should do. make the trip, use an agency, interpreter, friend, dictionary but go down and see for yourself if you think this could be the path to your happiness. it takes a lot for someone to goto latin america with limited spanish skills and i think its great that there are men that aren't afraid of doing so as to experience the beauty of latin america.

what i find appalling and offensive is that jaime(and there are others that agree with him) will want you to believe that it is NOT important to learn spanish AT ALL, as far as he is concerned if you want to learn that's ok but not necessary, i disagree. i feel that whether its at the beginning before your trip, during the courtship or after you are married, at some point it is important to know spanish well enough to say more than hello, pleased to meet you. his excuses are that it's not practical...like it's practical to fly to another country, spend time and thousands of dollars to MAYBE meet someone to spend the rest of your life with and when you do find her to spend more time and thousands more to get her here. why do all of that when you can find a latina here locally, who will already know more english than the women in south america? because they might be americanized? because you won't have as much control over them?...yes very practical indeed. other excuses are there isn't enough time in a day, time will be better spent on teaching your wife english and the best one of all....it can even hurt you... give me a break. with this kind of mentality your latina girlfriend/wife shouldn't even bother learning english because there will be misunderstandings, misinterpretations when she will try to say anything to you, God forbid that should happen, that's a great reason not to learn another language....excuses.

he says that if you don't want to learn spanish it won't hinder your success...well this all depends on how you define and measure success. if getting married to a latina is success then you won't need to learn spanish at all because there are many women who will declare their undying love and want to marry you as soon as you step off the plane without knowing a thing about you. a smile, nice clothes, and a job will be enough to land a woman, just ask yourself what kind of a woman would do that? desperate? foolish? naive? not knowing spanish should not stop you from flying down and meeting the woman you've been in communication with or wanting to meet someone from an agency but to expect to find a woman with little or no english skills and expect her to do ALL of the work in learning english so that you can have a meaningful conversation her without the need of an interpreter is absurd.

if you expect your wife to learn english, you should be able to learn spanish. it may not be a necessity to learn spanish to meet someone initially but after dating and getting married i think its important, plus this falls under growing as a person, not being selfish, self centered, learning about her through her language and respecting her, her family and background.  how do you expect to communicate with her family when visiting them or calling that part of your wife that is so important to her? do you expect her entire family to learn english? in the beginning your wife will help but she and her family will respect you more if your learn. it's possible that you may find a woman that won't care about this, won't care about you not being able to say more than "hola" to her family but all of the women that i've met have loved the fact that i can have a conversation with their parents, grandparents, cousins, friends, entire family.....necessary...no, but my girlfiend loves that i can go out with her father and talk about anything, that at parties i'm not sitting there smiling, not knowing what they are saying,out of respect for her and her family you should learn her native language. i agree that it is not a necessity in the beginning, but one should be ashamed of themselves for not putting in the time to learn her language over time. this idea of not having time to learn is bs, just an excuse to justify not wanting to learn.  watching the news in spanish, getting cd's, videos, listening to tapes in the car, whatever will make it easier for you, a little everyday will add up and your wife can help you just like you'll be helping her with her english.

i agree with jaime that what is important to one person may not be to another, you will have to decide for yourself but i find it pitiful that the only spanish he feels he needs are the words used in the bedroom. only jaime, being in colombia, surrounded by the language every minute of every day can manage to screw up something as simple as saying hotel del prado and having the cab driver understand hotel dan carlton, that's like a latina coming here and asking for a coca cola and getting pepsi,canada dry or gingerale, shameful.

[Jamie]

... in response to Re: Advice and Learning Spanish , posted by jediknight on Apr 28, 2005

I have debated you on this topic before and you declined to answer many of my past questions countering your argument. You also have a history of misunderstanding and missing the point and not just the ones that originate from me but from other posters. You much prefer to call people shameful, appalling and offensive for not agreeing with you. How can you call another man offensive for a private decision that has no effect on you? You not only disagree, which is fine, you find him offensive. This sounds normal? If a man is not motivated to learn Spanish you try to throw a guilt trip on him.  Here is a perfect example of your lack of comprehension:

From Jediknight: “i find it pitiful that the only spanish he feels he needs are the words used in the bedroom.”

I never said anything like this. I said, “My wife never once asked me how to learn Spanish she taught me the words I needed for the bedroom and that was it ”  Where does it say, “he feels he needs”?  I clearly said, “I take about 10 hours a Spanish a week…” Why would I be learning Spanish if I didn’t feel I needed to learn it? Maybe you should spend more time understanding English?

You say “only jaime, being in colombia, surrounded by the language every minute of every day can manage to screw up something as simple as saying hotel del prado and having the cab driver understand hotel dan carlton,”

Light humor goes right over your head. The point is you can’t mix something like this up, but behold the mix up. JediKnight if English is not your first language I’ll give you some leeway but if it is you need to take a closer look and ask how can someone say “a” and you see “b”. Strong convictions can be blinding and you obliviously have strong convictions on this mater or you would not be insulting others for not sharing them. In the past you have described guys not willing to learn Spanish as the “ugly American”. I’ve said it before I commend guys who learn the language but you find it shameful for a man not to learn which is no surprise since you have said in the past that is “appalling” not to make an effort to speak the host language even on a European vacation. No harm in not agreeing, but you can’t seem to comprehend the message from those that you disagree with so it would be futile to continue to debate you.

For those considering, learn Spanish if you like there are certainly pluses, but don’t think it is a step that you need to take to be successful in finding and keeping a good Latin American woman before or after meeting them. I have not seen any indications otherwise. Which means Jediknight that I don’t accept your low measurement of success, “desperate? foolish? naive?”.

Engage the Exotic – Latin Women
http://Internatinal-Introductions.com

[kenruof]

... in response to Re: Advice and Learning Spanish , posted by jediknight on Apr 28, 2005

Good points jediknight. I am planning on learning Spanish, as like you say it will be greatly appreciated by your Latina girlfriend/wife and her family etc. Besides what is wrong with learning something new it is great for your soul.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Advice and Learning Spanish , posted by Jamie on Apr 27, 2005

Not learning Spanish might not hinder success in finding a Latina, but over time will add difficulty to the relationship as it develops past the dating stages, assuming the girl doesn't speak functional English very soon. I am so thankful that I'm able to communicate with my inlaws without help from my wife. I'm sure their opinion of me has been much higher all along because I took the time/effort to learn their language. The overall benefits of speaking Spanish in this process are immeasurable, IMO.

[Hoda]

... in response to More about what latinas want - long post, posted by OkieMan on Apr 26, 2005


Back away from the keyboard & start working on your spanish! Take your narra behhind down to a Spanish themed restaurant and/or food market & practice. Hearing nothing but Spanish being used, will help train your ears, mind & mouth. Don't make me suspend you from posting until you go!

Just kidding :-)

From the heart Okie...there is no way possible for you to prepare for everything, that you'll experience with Latinas or how you'll fit into their lives & culture. Trust me...after your first interaction, you won't remember shit you posted.

NOW GET GOING OR GET BANNED...LMAO!

[OkieMan]

... in response to Okie!!!!! Don't make me come over there...., posted by Hoda on Apr 27, 2005

Hoda,

Thanks.  See you later.

                        OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to More about what latinas want - long post, posted by OkieMan on Apr 26, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

okie, relax, take a deep breath, you're thinking way too much about this when you should be spending your time doing something that is much more important than looking for answers here and that is learning spanish, not only for the obvious reasons but because the answers to all of these questions that you're coming up with are waiting for you in colombia, you should be ready and able to ask the girls that you'll be meeting everything that is on your mind and chances are you will get a variety of answers, it all depends on the girl you're interested in.

part of the fun is going to colombia and being inquisitive, asking questions, don't go down there assuming that you know a lot just because your read it here, you need to experience it for yourself and that is where knowing the language will come in handy. i'm fluent in spanish and this, plus my steller personality have been the keys to my success, i could not imagine having the kind of girlfriend that  i have without having been able to ask her probing questions,understanding her responses, understanding what she wants now and for the future, making sure she knows what i want and need so there are no surprises. if anyone tells you that knowing spanish is not important, they are full of **it, it is very important.
JK

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: More about what latinas want - long ..., posted by jediknight on Apr 26, 2005

Jedi,

As I have said in my other posts, I am taking your advice and the other guys.  Between now and when I leave, I will be posting a lot less and working and preparing for my trip.  Thanks for your interest.  Learning spanish is one of my goals, but it won't happen overnight.  May the Force be with you!

                            OkieMan

[latinadreaming]

... in response to More about what latinas want - long post, posted by OkieMan on Apr 26, 2005

New poster, but a long time lurker of this board and it has help me quite a bit.  I have used most of the agencies in Cali and know most of the players.

However, to put my two cents in -- I hate generalizations, but I would say that culturally latinas expect men to be men and lead and be strong but not domineering, and definitely not weak.  They liked to be romanced!!  !!  Be yourself, respect the culture, and her family and you will be fine.  The traits that I love the most about latin women are: they love to dress, act like, and want to be looked at as a desirable -- woman.
Many AW's dress like men or dont fixed themselves up at all.

I think all the treads I read were right on with the advice that was given to you.  Sometime you can over think this process and not let the “experience” happen to you.  Go with the thoughts of having a fun vacation, meet one or more wonderful women and enjoy the culture and the coffee!!

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: More about what latinas want - long ..., posted by latinadreaming on Apr 26, 2005

I agree with LD that each Latina is diffrent and what appeals to one may not appeal to another.  It is impossible to generalize.

Okie, I recommend you do what Keith suggested and just go and experience Cali and calenas WITHOUT the baggage that you are piling on with all of our answers to all of your questions.

At this rate, when you finally get to Cali you are going to be reacting to what we told you rather than reacting to the ladies.

[Traveller]

... in response to More about what latinas want - long post, posted by OkieMan on Apr 26, 2005

Okie, you are over-analyzing this too much. You aren't going to get a definite answer on any of this stuff. You have to just get here to Cali and experience. Besides, everyone on here has had different experiences to your questions.
Like Chris F. said, just study your Spanish. That's the best thing you can do. You'll be here soon enough and you'll see for yourself wha tthe women are like. There's no amount of info you can mine from this board that will take the place of actual experience.
It's like I've tried to explain to my friends who have never been here about Cali over the years. It's like trying to explain what it's like on Venus. Unless you have actually been here, something gets lost in the translation. I try telling my 48 year old divorced brother about beautiful 20 something Latinas throwing themselves at you. There is no basis for comparison for him so he just sees it as a nice fantasy/story.
You'll have a different outlook when you get back from your trip to Cali. There isn't a point in asking folks how Latinas view us or what a Latina wants, etc, etc because that answer is going to be different with each guy. Your answer will be different as well.
Learn that Spanish.
Out,
K

[Jake]

... in response to Re: More about what latinas want - long ..., posted by Traveller on Apr 26, 2005

Okie ......... i could not agree more with Traveller.....

You are trying so hard to analyzing every possible situation.... relax alittle .  Not everyone is going to experience the same when they travel to SA ... once you get several trips under your belt you will understand this . The best thing you can do now is learn spanish . You are going to there country and you SHOULD be expected to speak in there native language . You have a month , try thinking of several words or phrases and practice them every day till you leave . If you really want to have and leave a good impression with any Latina .... you must  be able to talk to them ............

Jake ps... why are you waiting so long to take  trips ?

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: More about what latinas want - l..., posted by Jake on Apr 26, 2005

Jake,

Thanks for your insight.  Believe me, I am working on it.  I will stop asking all the questions and just prepare for my trip. As to your last question; there are several reasons.  One is money, but the other is that one of my sons spent two tours in Iraq.  I did not want to be out of country while my son was fighting a war.  He is getting out of the Marine Corps this week.  He served his country well, but after 4 years of that, I am ready for him to come home.  There have been other factors which i won't go into, but I think you understand.

                      OkieMan