9-Day Countdown to Medellin...

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

yes, that's a very good point about her parents seeing her suffer and i'll bet anything that they'll try to be protective, don't take it personal, understand that they won't know who you are or what your intentions are until they get to know you.
honestly i don't think that you will be seen as a threat to them as far as taking her away if things work out, parents just want to see their kids happy and if sandras happiness will be with you then her parents will be alright, they just want sandra to find a man that will love and respect her. sandra sounds nice, unfortunatly she got involved with the wrong guy, but the fact that she chose her vacation time to coincide with yours is a good sign.

unless you have other intentions, since this is your FIRST meeting with sandra i don't think you should consider this as anything even near a pre honeymoon trip. a woman coming off a bad relationship with a newborn should not be pressured into anything that involves the kind of intimacy associated with a honeymoon or pre honeymoon. if there is non sexual romance that would be great for the both of you but i don't think that anything beyond that should be an option. i'm sure you are smart enough to know that getting involved with a woman who has a child will automatically mean that you will not be getting 100% of the attention that you may want, there will be many times when her baby will come first, be prepared for that, will you have the patience and understanding to accept that? you are getting involved with 2 people,not just one so take the opportunity to show her that you are the type of man that sets you appart from the rest, one that is considerate, that will think about her and her babys needs. use this trip to get to know her, her family and for them to get to know you..patience.. the physical initimacy we all crave for with our latinas will come in time, show her that is not why you flew to colombia for.

if the opportunity arises, have a talk with her father or maybe both parents, tell them what your intentions are, which i guess is to meet sandra and see if there can be a future together. you are correct about me being the guy with the mariachis and the day after i had a long talk with her parents, i told them what i wanted, what i wanted for my future, that i'm not a 20 year old looking for a good time, a one night stand, i'm serious about their daughter and want a future with her, they wanted to make sure that i was serious and not looking for a "aventurita" with their daughter, they are happy for us.
good luck
JK

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin...., posted by jediknight on May 1, 2005


Very well said Jedi.

[Avispa]

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

Why does having the child along feel awkward?
The woman and her child are a package deal. If the relationship progresses the three of you are going to be spending a lot of time together. Better to find out now if it works.

[Seeker]

... in response to Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Avispa on May 1, 2005

Avispa,
After giving it some more thought, the feelings of awkwardness come not from having the child along, but from never being in this situation before. I don't have children, but have always wanted to have them. I agree with you that we're not just potentially evaluating our compatability as a couple, but also as a family. We need to see if this is going to work out for all of us, not just for Sandra and me.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by utopiacowboy]

So many guys would not be willing to entertain a relationship with this woman because of her child but this is actually something which is in your favor. She is not going to be having the same things in mind as she would if she had no child. If you get that far I doubt that you are ever going to have to worry about her leaving you. Also she could be an amazingly attractive woman but most Colombian guys don't want a ready-made family. Their loss, your gain.

In my wife's case, she was a widow with three kids that she could not take care of alone so they went to live with her mother in Monteria. It wasn't until we were going to get married that I even met her children. So in my situation, I didn't have to deal with the kids. Of course I knew what I was getting into since I had four kids of my own.

For me, it's important that my wife is a good mother; however it should be clear who is Number 1. Both of us put each other first but we both spend most of our time on our kids' activities. In your case it sounds like Sandra is willing to make you a priority but she also wants to take care of her baby. My wife and I both understand why she wants to take her baby when you travel out of town. In some ways this would give you an idea of what life with her would really be like having the baby along. One year olds are great - you can put them in a backpack and take them everywhere leaving your hands free. At the same time we understand that you need time alone - maybe you could have some nights out or by yourselves while in Medellin? I am sure she'd want that too - my wife is sending the kids off to Colombia this summer for 6 weeks - her idea, she needs a break!

[Seeker]

... in response to Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by utopiacowboy on May 1, 2005

Thanks Utopiacowboy. I appreciate the feedback from you and your wife. I agree with you that a one year-old baby is a great age. I'll be in Colombia for three weeks, so I suppose there will be plenty of opportunities to go out for a movie, dinner and/or dancing by ourselves while in Medellin. I just needed that reassurance from another Paisa that taking the baby along would be the right thing to do.

I think it is a great idea for the kids to return to Colombia and reconnect with their culture, language and extended family. It will be a great time for you and your wife to focus on strengthening your relationship. Enjoy!

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005


Great news Seeker!

I'm sure you will have a wonderful time with this lady both by yourselves and with her daughter.  I can't add any more to the good advice you've already received except I might suggest that if you are going to Jardin make reservations at one of the hotels well in advance before going there.  Jardin is popular in the summer and there really aren't enough hotels in the city to accomodate everyone on weekends.  With that in mind you might want to do an archive search on my trip report to Jardin as I included contact information (and photos of the city) for the various hotels.  I'd also recommend that you stay at one of the smaller, less expensive hotels in the downtown area as they are very cheap, quaint and IMO, better than the larger hotel five minutes out of town.  You will have a blast there!

[Seeker]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medellin...., posted by pablo on May 1, 2005

Thanks Pablo,
You're the reason I'm planning on going to Jardin. That was a great report. I'll take care of those hotel reservations. Thanks for the tips.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: 9-Day Countdown to Medel..., posted by Seeker on May 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by pablo]

Something tells me you are going to have a great trip report in a few weeks and this pretty Paisa will steal your heart away.

If going to Santa Fe de Antioquia be aware it's very hot there and it can get quite chilly in the evening in Jardin.  Be sure to speak with a local or two about the trip to each locale for safety issues.  If you need a contact source on that drop me an email but your honey should know a few.

Suerte amigo.