About getting flowers/price, etc

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: About  getting  flow..., posted by jediknight on Apr 24, 2005

So, at 15, they get a "coming out" party? I think that is the old term that debutantes used to use, or their families used years ago.  Since I am not a part of the Country Club set, I am not as familiar with those terms, but I think you get the idea.  It seems that I have heard about the LA 15 year old, "coming of age" party before.  I am sure that it is a very nice custom.  Any ideas on why a Mariachi Band is so popular with the Colombians?  That style of music is Mexican, isn't it? I really enjoy it though.  I guess I would have thought that they would have the Salsa version?  But, the main thing I need to remember is that it is for special occasions, right?  Well, I am not ready for that yet, but how do flowers work for your girl?   To the latinas, does that seem a little nice, very nice; or does it say, "Your my novia", or whatever?  How about the reverse-- women doing something nice for you? --- like cooking a meal for you?  My calena has remarked that she would like to cook a meal for me.  I think that is sweet, but I don't want to read too much into it, unless I should.  What do you think?

                                  OkieMan

[Canadaman]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: About  getting  ..., posted by OkieMan on Apr 24, 2005

I have only one comment. Don't use a Mariachi band unless you are about to get married. I learned the hard way. What a fool I was.

Jeff

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: About  getti..., posted by Canadaman on Apr 25, 2005

Hey Canadaman,

How's it going? I have not seen you post here in a while.  So, are you licking your wounds right now?  Man, don't give up.  I am about to take my second trip to Cali next month.  I have one particular lady that I am going to see, but I also have some backup plans.  Just don't give up.  Get your Canadian hiney down there and enjoy those sweet latinas!  You deserve a break today, and I don't mean McDonalds!

                               OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: About  getting  ..., posted by OkieMan on Apr 24, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

i wouldn´t go as far as saying that it´s a coming out party, it´s simply the same as a sweet 16 here except it´s done one year earlier.

why a mariachi? well, because in colombia they love that style of music, it´s romantic and the style is traditional. salsa is something you want to dance to not used to express your love, although there are salsa songs that have nice lyrics, the ballads played by the mariachis are more romantic, much slower in tempo and it lends itself to be played live by a few or many musicians.

flowers are a big deal also so be careful and when i mean be careful i mean take things slow. if you want to give flowers start with anything but red roses, give her a small bouquet. then build up with yellow roses which signify joy and friendship then if things go really well you can give her red ones when you leave. i know the tendancy is to quickly want to show her how much she interests you, especially since you´ll only be there for a short period, it´ll seem like you´re running against the clock or even competing with other men, but start slow and slowly build up. everyone is different but from MY experiences if she is mature she will appreciate you not rushing things, the younger girls are the ones that want to rush things and tell you how much they love you and want to be with you. its up to you to guage her tempo, whether she wants to move fast or not. this is where knowing the language has helped me, i was able to ask my girlfriend many many questions before giving her a gift or flowers so i knew how to pace things. before i gave her flowers i had sent her a stuffed teddy bear and the first flowers i sent her was for el dia de amor y amistad (valentines day in colombia which is in sept) but i made sure she understood that it was for amistad and NOT amor. she later told me that she loved the way i didn´t pressure her or moved too fast, that i was very in tune to her.

an important note that might help you or might give you an idea about customs and signs of affection. after a few days of first meeting my girlfriend and before becoming a couple, things were going really well, i took it upon myself to take her hand one day when we were out with her family, i did it as we were crossing the street and i just got used to it, it felt nice and she didn´t resist so i kept on grabing her hand. well, later i found out from her that her aunts were asking her mom about what the deal was between us two, if we were a couple yet, if i had asked her to be my girlfriend because they saw us holding hands. as far as her family was concerned, friends don´t do that unless there´s more to the relationship. her mother was really cute and told the aunts that in the US the customs are different and that holding hands are done among friends. my girlfriend didn´t resist because she liked holding my hand but did wonder what i was thinking or what it meant to me, it means a lot more in colombia, but this is an example on how you have to be aware of your actions and to take things slowly, build things up and be aware of your friends reaction. good luck
JK

[MarkNJ]

... in response to something important...., posted by jediknight on Apr 24, 2005

Sir JediKnight,  I have also experienced a similar situation in regards to the hand holding scenario.   This is one of those situations that some guys might encounter and at first think maybe something is wrong or not going well with their relationship but actually it is more of just a difference in the dating/courtship scene in Colombia.    For me something similar happened when I was on one of my return visits to share time with just one latina.    We were walking the streets of Bogota going to several stores, restaurants etc. when I would grab her hand to help her up the high curb or up some stairs going into the restaurant.   At first she accepted the help during the situations when I was offering assistance but she would then quickly disengage after those stair climbing or curb hopping events ended.   I did ask her why she did not want to keep holding my hand.   I thought it sort of strange because the atmosphere and conversations the whole time were very warm and positive.
She told me that it was "sort of inappropriate" or not the norm to do that sort of thing at our stage of the relationship.    I explained to her that in the USA hand holding is very common among people and not necessarily meaning it is a marriage or engaged type of relationship.   Once I explained to her how hand holding was common in the USA she began holding my hand all the time and was very receptive.   This is not a show stopper type of thing that most people would consider is of major importance but it is an example of some of the little subtleties that we might encounter which might cause us an awkward moment or two.

[OkieMan]

... in response to something important...., posted by jediknight on Apr 24, 2005

Jediknight,

That was really helpful.  Those are the kinds of things that I was looking for.  I am rusty at the dating thing anyhow; much less going to another country, and dealing with another culture.  So, now, I am very curious. By the way, is there any difference in the latinas attitude about kissing and holding hands?  I remember last year when I went to Cali for the first time.  I dated some ladies.  One young lady was so young, but very nice.  I did not even hold her hand, but we enjoyed the evening.  I only took her out once.  I had also been corresponding with another latina, and I went out with her; but she said that her mother asked if I would allow her twin sister to go along.  I said yes, and we had a good time.  I took the girls to a nice dinner, and then we went dancing.  My date insisted that I also dance with her sister.  They were both very cute and sweet.  I held hands with my date, and we kissed several times.  However, I knew that there was no future. She was busy with school and work, so I did not get to see her for  a few days.  But, then I told her that I felt our age difference was too great, etc.  She was 24, and I was 50.  Sweet girl, and I really liked her, but no future. Then, I thought I had something going with a sexy dentist.  But, even though she acted like she was really interested, and we had several dates; she dropped me like a hot potato after I left.  She was a player.  I found out later, that Pete had also dated her, and she did him basically the same way.  She was around 40, but looked younger.  So, now that I am going back next month; I am starting over with this calena I have been sending emails to.  I just hope that I can gauge this deal right!  I really like her, but I have no idea how it will go.  I know that many of us american guys have been fooled before.  So, who knows?  But, I still plan to have fun.

                        OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to something important...., posted by jediknight on Apr 24, 2005

Good post with excellent advice.

I found it strange that they liked mariachi music as well  since they don't like other Mexican things like the food and the way they speak Spanish. However my wife loves mariachi music and knows all the songs that they play. She likes to sing along with them.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: something important...., posted by utopiacowboy on Apr 24, 2005

Utopiacowboy,

I really like Mariachi music too.  Since you live in South Texas, it must be really easy to listen to some local bands around there, I bet?  Do you take your wife to San Antonio, and the River Walk?  I really enjoy that area.
By the way, Jediknight was giving me some inside info on Latin Culture too.  It made me think to ask you a question.  I realize that this will be subjective, but here goes.  How long did you date your now wife before you held hands with her, or kissed her?  Read Jedi's remarks, and I think you will understand what I am getting at.  His suggestions were to take it slow and easy.  Not to rush into anything; which I think is excellent advice.  But, I also know that every situation and relationship is somewhat different.  Also, your wife is in her 40's and was a widow.  The lady I am interested in is 35, almost 36.  Now, how that affects their perception of dating a gringo, I don't know.  But, I figure you will have an idea of what I might could expect.  I don't think this lady will start by saying hello and then pull her pants down. That is way over the top, and she is a good woman.  But, as far as kissing and holding hands; I don't know for sure.  She always ends her letters by saying hugs and kisses.  Or says I am sending you a big kiss, etc.  We have already been quite romantic in our talk in the letters; but I also realize that it might be just talk.  I don't know.  So, give me some more sage wisdom Big Guy! ha

                        OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: something important...., posted by OkieMan on Apr 24, 2005

ending a letter with besos y abrazos is a nice touch, it means that she is interested and cares about you. if you've saved her letters from the beginning, as i have and continue to do with my girlfriend, you may notice a progression. in my case my girlfriend would end with chao, bye, hasta la proxima then she went onto un abrazo, con cariño, then she switched to besito, besitos etc, then i felt that we were good friends, the type that you can talk to for an hour about anything and when saying goodbye would be a hug or kiss on the cheek. utopiacowboy had a very steamy first encounter with his wife, this could happen to you but don´t be surprised or disappointed if it doesn´t, at first meetings both are usually nervous. as always your milage may vary but my experience has been a hug at the first meeting, then later a hug with a kiss on the cheek and then waited until the mood and timing were right for the first intimate kiss.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: something important...., posted by jediknight on Apr 25, 2005

You're right, Jedi. This is why I hesitate to use my story as an example because it could lead to expectations that might not be met. Even now we both look back on that meeting and shake our heads and laugh.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: something important...., posted by OkieMan on Apr 24, 2005

We have gone to several weddings where either the bride or the groom was Latino and invariably there's a mariachi group. Needless to say my wife enjoys it a lot.

I am not sure that my story will be very helpful but I'll tell it anyway.

My wife was 42 when I met her and we communicated daily for 2 months before I met her. I sent her some money for a web cam about a month after we started writing and so we had a month of web cam chatting before we met in person. Web cams can lie but I was pretty sure that she was the most attractive woman I had ever seen (which actually turned out to be true when I met her in person). Both of us were quite serious about each other but we knew that we had to see how we felt about each other in person - whether we had the necessary physical chemistry. So in our case, we both knew that our meeting was going to be a chance to see if we were simpatico on all levels including the sexual one. Of course my wife told me later that if we hadn't hit it off so well in the airport, she had been prepared to just leave me there. So in those circumstances that would have been the end of that and on to Plan B.

As it turned out, after we greeted each other we started kissing passionately and continued like that much of the day until it was time for our flight to San Andres. This was when my future sister-in-law phoned her mother - she could not believe what she was seeing. After never having seen her sister kiss any man ever - including her previous husband - here was her sister necking like a teenager with a man she had just met in the airport. She was convinced her sister had completely lost her mind. Well it continued like that in San Andres - we were like newlyweds on a honeymoon. I have never felt such an intense attraction for a woman nor such a sense of having been "meant" for each other. From the moment we met it's like we have always known each other and have always been in love. It's been two years and it's still the same - we are completely crazy about each other.

The other thing I should mention is that my wife is anything but promiscuous. She is a devout Catholic and has only been with two men in her life - the other one is dead. She told me that she was taking a chance with me because the entire thing was quite out of character for her. However her instincts and feelings about me led her to believe that the risk was justified and she has been proven correct. Even now only her three sisters know about the trip we took together to San Andres.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: something important...., posted by utopiacowboy on Apr 25, 2005

Utopiacowboy,

Thanks for sharing.  I am not quite clear about your San Andreas trip. Was there some time lag, like a day or two, or did you immediately take her to San Andreas?  I guess I thought that you spent some time in Medellin with her before that trip.  At any rate, I am very happy for the both of you.  It's obvious that everything has worked out for you.  Wish me luck.  But, I also know that I will not just settle for something.  It must right, or I will walk.

                           OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: something important...., posted by OkieMan on Apr 25, 2005

[This message has been edited by utopiacowboy]

I arrived in the middle of the morning in Bogota after a flight from Miami and our flight to San Andres did not leave until late in the afternoon. We spent that time at her sister's apartment in Bogota. I was too paranoid to go to Medellin until after I had been to Colombia once and realized that it wasn't nearly as dangerous as we have been led to believe. Thereafter I visited her in Medellin.

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: something important...., posted by utopiacowboy on Apr 25, 2005

the webcam part reminds me of my situation but in reverse, my girlfriend had one and allowed me see her, so i went out an bought one so she could see me, the reaction on her face when she first saw me....priceless.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: something important...., posted by jediknight on Apr 25, 2005

I know exactly how your novia must have felt when she saw you. Like WOW!!!!!!!!!!! I was damm near speechless when I first saw my wife. Good thing she couldn't hear me because I was blabbering like an idiot. Those web cams are wonderful devices!