What concerns me most...

[valleydude]

I'm just lurking around and ran out of posts to read so just thought I would throw this out there:

Some guys on here are worried about being taken to the cleaners and quite honestly I am not worried about that. What I am most concerned about is the girl taking off becuase she wants more.

I was reading Okie's posts below and he mentioned a Ferrari which brought something to mind.... Tonight I see a guy (mid 20's) driving a brand spanking new Ferrari and that is not uncommon around here.

I'm in a decent apartment with a pool, jaquzzi, gym, tennis courts, (Hell my rent even includes free tennis lessons) etc... which is pretty good to anything they have. In my area I am in one of the nicer places, but compared to some areas around here it could appear to be dirt poor, so sometimes I get really concerned about all this.

I think it would sit better if I was in an area where a Rolls was a really rare occurence, but when 5 miles away it's all a dime a dozen it makes me really critique these girls and make me extra cautious.

Instead of being concerned about a girl taking anything I have and leaving, I am more concerned about a girl seeing what's around, then wanting more and leaving. Anyone else in this boat?

Just getting this off my mind,

V-Dude

[doombug]

... in response to What concerns me most..., posted by valleydude on Apr 16, 2005

"Instead of being concerned about a girl taking anything I have and leaving, I am more concerned about a girl seeing what's around, then wanting more and leaving. Anyone else in this boat?"

Wo is you.

Fortunately for me, I don't dread ever having such problems as you mentioned.  I'm not living in (nor want to) such a showy/flashy, "Look what I've got," world.  Nor do I drool over the shallow women who aspire to such luxury.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: What concerns me most..., posted by doombug on Apr 16, 2005

Doombug,

Your profile says that you are married to a Peruvian lady. Is that correct?  If so, then maybe you can give us some inside info on your story. How is it working?  How are your wife's adjustments to american life going?  I know that other posters have share similar stories. I am just not sure that I recall if you have let the rest of us know how life is treating you; now that you are married?
If you are married, I am sure that you have learned much since you were on the outside looking in, correct?  Of course, I am talking about being married to a latina.  In the past, I have been married twice, and twice divorced from 2 different american women.  Never again!  But, I am curious about the difference of being married to a latina. I recall guys like Utopiacowboy sharing his story.  I would just like to hear yours.

                         
                            OkieMan

[valleydude]

... in response to What concerns me most..., posted by valleydude on Apr 16, 2005

All of these are excellent posts and made me feel more assured.

I know that most of these material lifestyles are all show and no go without any substance, but had dreaded finding a girl that would have to learn this after getting here. You know, the ol' leaving for something better and wanting to come back after they learned the reality of it all. I've had that happen before and I've never taken the girl back. I would just hate to go through that after marriage.

I guess most of us don't believe in divorce, but for me I never consider it as a possible option or use the word lightly. I know it happens though; and you know, quite honestly after reading Seeker's words about recouping... It made me think, "Hell, if it goes sour in 10 years; I'll be better off then (financially, older/wiser,etc), and worse case scenario is that I can be playing the field down there like Heat and Pete. haha! I'm not saying I would do that, but the thought of being divorced and having a harem sits a lot easier than being divorced and flat on my a**. I've never been married and a possible divorce has always been a big thing for me. This is actually the first time I saw a "Worse case scenario" that has some good thoughts in regard to divorce. The fear of commitment has finally eased up a little. haha!

I'm glad I threw this out there. Now I can prepare and see myself with better questions should something serious develop. I really appreciate the input.

V-Dude

P.S.

I'm with Blockbuster online. Spanglish is in my queue. I hope it gets here soon!

[mudd]

... in response to What concerns me most..., posted by valleydude on Apr 16, 2005

The “trick" is to find a girl, who knows money, bigger house and newer cars doesn’t bring happiness to one self, or if it does, it’s temporary.  Like a few posts below, I have seen families with big salaries and bank accounts with A LOT of problems, drugs, no morals, excessive drinking, fighting, affairs, and they think its normal, where families with modest incomes, houses and cars are way happier, why?  Because they care about each other, other than what the other person has, or can buy.

Every family worries about money, its normal because even rich families have bills, somebody has to pay for all those private tennis lessons, he he :-) . Anyways, when a girl sees a new car, and says “I want that car” or some new expensive clothes, like a pair of Gucci pants or purse and says "I want that” run!!!!!!!!!   I found out that if a girl says “I would like to have a car like that some day" instead of “I want"   it’s a good idea that they know that money isn’t everything, and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

[JimmySTLOUIS]

... in response to What concerns me most..., posted by valleydude on Apr 16, 2005

I dont know about Colombian girls but I could imagine if you are chasing the hottest chicks on the planet who only want one thing then you could get into this.

I dont think with Peruvian girls you have to worry as much.

I know my wife would never leave me for someone with more money but she does see nice things and she does want them.
THe only guy she might leave me for is Tommy Hilfiger. HE seems to have her attention

ALWAYS remember that girls will be girls. Even if they are poor they have been to the malls and know that they like.
My girl has a great sense of style but she likes the designers. Its all about the brand!

TE AMO PERU!!!

jim

[doombug]

... in response to Re: What concerns me most..., posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Apr 16, 2005

"I dont think with Peruvian girls you have to worry as much."

Be careful:  I know of Peruvian women who's sugar daddies/gringo spouses are clueless to their cleverness.  And at least one in-person lecture recently from a gringo who's Peruana wife conned him into believing the child was his.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: What concerns me most..., posted by doombug on Apr 16, 2005

Doombug,

Ok, let me see if I understand the example you just gave.  This gringo that you know had sex with a Peruvian girl, and she got pregnant.  She told him that the unborn child was his; so, he married her, and now he found out the child is not his?  If that is the story, that is really tough.  I guess it could happen to many guys.  Obviously, the lady was passing herself around to many interested partners!  Too bad.

                             OkieMan

[doombug]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: What concerns me most..., posted by OkieMan on Apr 16, 2005

[This message has been edited by doombug]

He's a highway policeman who'd happened to be passing through my workplace.  A coworker told him that I'd married a Peruvian woman, so he came over to tell me his horror story.  He said that after being married to his wife for 2 years, he found out one day that he was not the true father of their child.  She'd apparently gotten knocked up by someone else in Peru prior to her coming to the States.

My soon-to-be ex wife has friends like this:  Women who have absolutely no affection for the gringos who've courted/married them.  Women who are just as selfish and materialistic on the inside as the AW's that we sometimes rant about here.  Though, at the moment, their capacity to be as openly extravagant is quite limited, thus concealing much of the evidence.

I remind myself of the following upon hearing the unflinching, glowing reviews of LA women:

I'm shopping in an ethnic food store here in Sacramento, or San Jose, or Los Angeles, and none of the Asian or Latin women around me are so much as noticing me.  No tell-tale signs of interest; no smile, glare, wink, giggle, or bashfullness.  Instead, they are indifferent, and I'm nonessential.

Contrast this with the times I've spent in Lima, Tijuana, Pattaya Beach, Olongapo, or other such places.  Cities of poverty and full of desperate women; where every gringo is the proverbial "rock star."  In their eyes, we are a train conductor named Warren Buffet, and the next stop is Citizenship, USA.

Speaking of Olongapo, some of you might find this story very familiar, while others might learn something.  It's called, "Olongapo Girl: A Tale of Prostitution":

http://unquietmind.com/olongapo.html

Peace out!

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: What concerns me most..., posted by doombug on Apr 16, 2005

Thanks for explaining to me a little more.  If I understand what you are saying, you and your Peruvian wife are calling it quits?  That is too bad.  No doubt, that would account for some of your scepticism about this entire latina deal.  At this point, I have never had a serious relationship with a latina. I am attempting  to see a Calena at the end of May.  I have not idea how it will go, but even if it does not work out, I plan on spending some time with some pretty latinas. Having said that, I am really hoping that I can find true love again someday.  Have you ever been married to an american woman? I have, twice. I have no idea how two marriages can go down the drain-- but it certainly was not my idea.  So, it has taken me a few years before I was ready to really consider getting serious with any woman.  Plus, I knew that whoever she might be, I did not want another american woman. So, about 2 years ago, I started searching. That search lead me to follow the latinas, and the latinas lead me here, so to speak.  It is really to bad about the Highway Patrolman.  I can't imagine how it would feel to find that out!  Well, take care.

                             OkieMan

[Seeker]

... in response to What concerns me most..., posted by valleydude on Apr 16, 2005

I've also given your concern some thought. I've concluded that out of the many possible scenarios, a woman leaving me to move up in lifestyle, wouldn't be as bad as other outcomes. Honestly, I'm more concerned about a woman ruining my credit score, competing with the neighbors' lifestyle, etc. If a woman simply walked out on one of us, we both are 36 and would have plenty of time to recuperate from this situation. I guess it comes down to whether or not, we believe that the potential rewards of a relationship with a Latina from abroad outweigh the risks. There is always the pre-nup to protect yourself.

I've had a few experiences with different Colombianas that lead me to believe that I will find the right Colombiana, whose values, character and priorities in life will give me the confidence that she will not leave me for the guy with the new Mercedes. However, if she does, then I'm confident I'll learn from the experience and be able to move on with life.

[MarkNJ]

... in response to Re: What concerns me most..., posted by Seeker on Apr 16, 2005

I will admit that I too am mostly concerned about my credit score and competing with the neighbors'lifestyle etc...  This is where finding someone with similar values, priorities, expectations etc. comes into place.   I have always lived a responsible lifestyle living within my means and hope to find someone the same.   That is why we need to in a indirect way learn more about these ladies, who are their friends?  what was the "spending lifestyle" of the family they grew up in.   That materialistic nature can be found in all levels of society.  It is sort of how we prioritize our spending etc. which is important.   Finding someone on the same wavelength.   In an earlier post someone mentioned that they were wondering how some of these Latinas always look so good, so hot in the clothes that they wear.   From what I have learned so far, just my observations, there are those who are "materialistic" (for lack of a better word)but I think many of them are doing the best with what they have and for the most part these ladies do not need much to look great.   Earlier I mentioned about the two different ladies I pursued learning more about.   I can say that both of these women had very little clothing in their closets and I was surprised to learn how little they did have given the type of work they do.   I was able to learn about them a great deal and I learned that neither of them would be considered materialistic, and were comfortable living within their means.  Their wardrobe was small compared to most AW and I think they get the most mileage out of what they do have.  When I was visiting the agency, during my selection process I remember talking about this subject with some of the people who worked at the agency.   Most of the ladies we meet really do not have alot of clothes etc... not like compared to the people here in the USA...  It seems they value and are thankful for what they have.   Again, this is a generalization with the ladies I was being introduced to.
There were a few that I would consider "high maintenance" and in those cases it seemed very obvious.
As a personal side note...   My sister and her husband are two great people.   Both are middle class and I would not consider my sister materialistic in anyway.   They do not have children, but do have some pets.   They went on vacation for a week and asked me to stay at their place (live nearby)and house sit while they were gone.   While I was down in the basement I noticed in the laundry area hugh mounds of clothes piled up.   Also, if you were to go into the bedroom and look in the closets you would see the closets packed full.  I was looking around and thinking to myself "Is this a house with 4 or 5 children in it?".  There were so many clothes for two people I was shocked.   Most of these clothes will not get worn out and I do not remember seeing my sister wearing most of the stuff that she or her husband had.   When she arrived home I was joking with her on the amount of clothes that she did have and she said "I know it does look like alot".   Colombia vs. USA two very different worlds...

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: What concerns me most..., posted by MarkNJ on Apr 16, 2005

Mark,

Good post.  We all have to deal with these issues as we see fit.  In fact, I was the guy who was commenting on how hot the latinas looked and wondered how they did it.  You commented on the latinas you met, and mentioned about the fact they did not have many clothes.  Did you actually see inside their closet?  How did that work?  Were the girls just having a conversation with you and giving you "a tour"?  Or maybe you were staying with them and they let you look?  I am just curious.  So far, I have not had that close of a relationship, so that I was able to look inside a girl's closet.  I would think that you would have to be having some type of close relationship with any latina before she would let you look through her closet; but I could be wrong.  Also, I am still not really sure of what a pair of jeans or a top costs one of these latinas to buy?  I know there must be many choices, but I am just looking for a ballpark price.  One thing is for sure, they really look good in what they are wearing-- or not wearing! ha  Maybe that's the secret; the manufacturer is saving money because they use less fabric when they make those sexy outfits the girls wear. ha ha

                            OkieMan

[MarkNJ]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: What concerns me most..., posted by OkieMan on Apr 16, 2005

In both situations I was doing return visits to spend time exclusively with both latinas.  I stayed with them in their condos.   During the first relationship I returned to share time with her 5 times during the end 2001/2002 year and the second relationship I returned 3 times to visit her during the end of 2003/Feb2004...  Some of the trips lasted 2 weeks and some were extended weekends of about 4 or 5 days...

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: What concerns me most..., posted by MarkNJ on Apr 17, 2005

Mark,

Thanks again for the info.  So, even though you spent that much time with each of those ladies, nothing worked out? I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles.  I will be finding out for myself when I go back to Cali at the end of May.  The lady I have been writing to seems nice, but as you have already found out; sometimes it just doesn't work out.  But, I  definitely  have my backup plans, so one way or the other, I won't be spending my time alone.  Of course, the other half of the question is how far will I get into a relationship?  Last year, when I first went to Cali, I enjoyed myself; and I went on several dates.  But, ultimately, nothing really developed.  So, here I go again. Well, let me know how you do on your next trip.  I will let the board know if I had any luck or not.  I must admit, this is all fun and stuff, but the guesswork-- all of this not-knowing is weird!  Years ago, when I was married to an american woman, I thought that I was past all this.  Just shows what I know.  So, here we go again! At least I will be in latina land for my birthday (May 27th).  Later.

                          OkieMan