Guys with Professional Women

[Onephd]

To those men that have married or engaged to a professional woman or someone that was a student in college or grad school.

What plans do you and she have regarding her working or continuing her career here.  That is, do she plan to continue her career or focus more on family and home.  

How does or did she handle going from working full time to perhaps sitting at home until you arrive. Granted in most cases I imagine the lady starts english classes right away and that helps occupy the time and prepare her for more independence.

Just curious, I know myself and someone else a while back brought this up but no one replied as the tread got buriend quickly by a more hot topic.  

Come on, Chris, F, Jimmy Stlouis, etc.

[jediknight]

... in response to Guys with Professional Women, posted by Onephd on Mar 23, 2005

my novia and i have spoken about this, she said that while learning english is a priority, family will come before her career. we discussed that it would be better to have a family first while she is learning the language and then later see if she wants to continue with her carrera or be full time mom, she's a college grad and a teacher but she has made it clear that it wont be the end of the world if she doesn't work, taking care of the kids will come first.
JK

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Guys with Professional Women, posted by jediknight on Mar 24, 2005

Jediknight,

I am not surprised that your novia would tell you this. When do you plan to get married?  Does she already have any children?  How about you?  I am just curious.  If I am fortunate someday to marry a latina, I will have to cross that bridge.  My own personal feelings are that at my age (51), I don't want anymore children.  Currently, I am corresponding with a calena.  I plan on travelling to see her soon.  But, we have already covered the basics, and she has one grown son, and does not want anymore either. So, if I should actually marry this girl, we seem to be in agreement; which is the main point.  The husband and the wife need to agree about the children, the wife staying at home, or not, etc.  At least none of us have to deal with the feminist crap with these latinas!  Boy is that great or what?
                           OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Guys with Professional Women, posted by OkieMan on Mar 24, 2005

we won't be getting married for at least another year, we are giving ourselves that time to get to know each other further and be sure,neither of us wants to rush into it and risk a divorce later on. neither of us have children so i think this is a major reason why she wants to have kids first and doesn't mind not working outside of the home.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Guys with Professional Women, posted by jediknight on Mar 25, 2005

Jediknight,
Thanks for sharing that.  I have some follow up  questions.  This will sort of tie into some questions I have asked the calena I am emailing.  She and I have really been enjoying many frank discussions about a good many topics, but I will limit the info I share with you to what I am about to ask you.  I have 3 sons by a previous marriage and my calena has 1 son.  All of our children are grown.  Some time back I had asked her about having more children, and she said that she did not want anymore.  So, we were in agreement.  By the way, I am 51, and she is 35.  But, after the discussions on this board, I thought that I should go back and ask her in a different way; and this leads me to the type of quesion I want to ask you.  If this lady and I should start an intimate relationship in the near future,  there is a possibility she could get pregnant.  So, I want to know how does she feel about birth control, etc?  I was asking her these type questions for two main reasons.  One, is that I don't want to have any confusion or any "surprises".  But, also, I am asking her because I want to find out if she truly wants anymore kids or not.  I love children, but I think that I am too old to start fathering more children. However, I will not "close the book" on the subject until I know more about how she feels, and naturally we have to meet in person first, and see what happens.  But, I just wanted to ask you the same related questions.  I know that many american men start an intimate relationship with their latina before they are married.  So far, I have not, but I could be in that position soon.  Do you know how these latinas generally feel concerning birth control, or having children in this situation?  I doubt if many american men want to get the girl pregnant before he marries her; but I am certain that it must happen from time to time.  But, the main part of my question is concerning the after married part.  Do these latinas just let nature take it's course?  That seems to be the prevailing school of thought as I understand it.  I just wanted to ask you what you might have discussed with you novia?  Since you brought up the subject of children with her, and you also shared that info with this board; I thought that you could possibly elaborate?  Take care.

                           OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Guys with Professional W..., posted by OkieMan on Mar 25, 2005

excellent question and one that my girlfriend and i touched on recently when i was there last week. the topic of contraception came into play when she asked me how soon i wanted to have a family. i told her that my initial thoughts were to wait perhaps two years after getting married so that we would have time to ourselves as a couple before starting a family. this meant that birth control would have to be used, she wasn't opposed to the idea. keep in mind that her parents are religious and never used birth control so my girlfriend is modern in her way of dealing with not wanting to get pregnant before we are ready and after we have our(hopefully)2 kids.  it's a conversation that you need to bring up because your friend is still young and if things work out between the two of you i'm sure that you'll want to be intimate with her every day for the rest of your life, that means that until she is in her 40's if you don't want kids you'll need to regularly use some kind of birth control, perhaps even a vasectamy? it's an option that men i know have opted to do, just a thought. lots of luck
JK

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Guys with Profession..., posted by jediknight on Mar 25, 2005

Jediknight,

Thank you for your comments. I am planning on following up with my calena about this subject, so that I can find out her true feelings.  About your idea concerning a vasectomy, I must confess that I start sprouting feathers about that (chicken).  I have never gone "under the knife" at this point in my life, and I don't plan on doing it unless I should develop some life threatening condition!  I don't want anyone messing with "my boys", if you get my drift.  I don't believe in double standards between men and women except on that one issue.  Frankly, it just scares the crap out of me!  My first wife, who is the mother of my sons, got her tubes tied after the 3rd son.  At that time, I loved her deeply, but my thoughts were that she was already going through the pregnancy and giving birth.  Because of that, she was already in the hospital.  We just arranged for the doctor to tie her tubes a day or two after she gave birth to our 3rd son.  As it turned out, that was a good thing.  She had already started developing kidney problems, and a couple of years later, I had to pay to have her uterus taken out. We split up in 1989, so it has been a long time ago.  My second wife had already had her tubes tied when we met.  She was 40 at that time, and neither one of us wanted to have more children, so there was not problem about that.  The unfortunate part was the demise of that marriage too.  Now that I am almost reaching "old fart" status at 51, I can't believe I am getting back into a potential situation like this.  But, no matter what, I want to meet the right latina, and get married.  I am sick of living alone, and these AW are the pits!  I certainly wish you and your novia the best.  May the force be with you!  By the way, since I am the older guy, I guess you can call me Obe-One, or maybe Yoda! ha ha

                          OkieMan

[Onephd]

... in response to Re: Guys with Professional Women, posted by jediknight on Mar 24, 2005

Thats great.  My suspecion was that if a woman had already obtained a degree and had some work experience that she would more easily let go of that part of her life.  On the other hand, I felt like younger women that has just finished shcool or not yet finished would desire to continue their career and maybe put family on the back burner a while.  Thanks for the response.  
one

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Guys with Professional Women, posted by Onephd on Mar 23, 2005

My wife is a chemical engineer but she has not been working. As I tell her, without a knowledge of English, the only work she is going to be able to get are menial ones. So she has been studying English and taking care of the house and her family. Actually she is very happy and busy because she has a lot of school and sports activities with her three kids.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Guys with Professional Women, posted by utopiacowboy on Mar 23, 2005

Hey Utopiacowboy,
How's it going?  I am glad to hear that you and your family are doing well. So, are you still keeping that pretty wife of yours smiling? ha It sounds like the kids are adjusting to Texas really well.  I have been corresponding with a lady in Cali since January.  I hope to go see her very soon. We have been talking about many subjects.  During some of our email conversations, I mentioned to her a little about this board and some of the guys I have "met on the net".  As I have been doing that, I related to her a little about you and your wife.  I thought that she might get a better picture about gringos and life in america, etc; so I told her a little about you and your wife.  Since you and I are about the same age and live in neighboring states, I thought that might also help. Anyway, she told me that she liked that.  I thought you and your wife might enjoy knowing that your story was helping someone else.  Take care.

                             OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Guys with Professional Women, posted by OkieMan on Mar 23, 2005

Hey, Okieman, good to hear that your correspondence is going well. I hope you can get down there soon and meet her in person. Feel free to use my story. My wife is also happy to answer any questions or give her perspective on life for a Colombiana in a small Texas town. You can tell your Calena that our luna de miel continues after a year and a half and that if a Texan can manage that, there's no telling what an Oklahoman can do!

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Guys with Professional Women, posted by utopiacowboy on Mar 24, 2005


Hey UC,

I would love hearing your wife's perspective on life in the US.  Has she ever considered posting here?  It sure would be nice getting a Paisa's perspective.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Guys with Professional W..., posted by pablo on Mar 24, 2005

OK, Pablo, you asked for it. You got it! What follows are my wife's comments.

Yo trabajaba en Colombia en una empresa textil en Medellin y era jefe de la tintoreria en dicha empresa; tenia 17 anos de trabajar alli, cuando decidi venirme para los Estados Unidos.

Al venirme para los Estados Unidos deje a mi familia; mi trabajo, mi casa y mis amigos; pero me vine con un hombre maravilloso que desde que lo conozco siempre se ha preocupado por mi y por mis hijos y ese hombre es mi esposo Bill.

Al principio fue un poco dificil; porque mis hijos no se adaptaban por que no conocian el idioma y no tenian amigos y mantenian recordando su tierra; yo estaba sin trabajo, en un pais desconocido y dedicada de lleno a ser ama de casa.

Mis hijos se dedicaron a los deportes y en sus respectivas escuelas consiguieron amigos y ya estan contentos.
Yo tambien he conseguido amigas y estoy tratando de aprender el idioma; mis hijos ya hablan y entienden el Ingles, porque todas sus clases son en Ingles.

Pienso en un futuro trabajar y por supuesto volver a Colombia a visitar a mi familia. Uno nunca olvida sus raices, aunque lo traten bien en otro pais.

[pablo]

... in response to Comments from my wife (en espanol), posted by utopiacowboy on Mar 26, 2005


Please tell Mrs. UC muchas gracias!  I appreciate her post and hope there are more to come. Getting a Paisa's perspective would really be a nice addition to the forum.

It's surprising how much I understood reading it.  With the "help" of freetranslation.com I got a few laughs on the finer points of computer translation.  Just tell her not to forget them tildes and accent marks! Ironic that it translated Ingles into Groins and years into you know what.  jajaja

..........

I worked in Colombia in a business textile in Medellin and was a leader of the tintoreria in said business; tenia 17 anuses to work alli, when decidi to come me for the United States.  

Al to come me for the United States leave my family; my work, my house and my friends; but I came me with a marvelous man that since I know him always he has worried about my and by my children and that man is my husband Bill.  

Al principle was a little dificil; because my children did not adapt because not conocian the language and not tenian friends and mantenian recalling his land; I was without work, in a pais unknown and dedicated of full to be housewife of house.  

My children were dedicated to the sports and in their respective schools obtained friends and already they are happy.  I tambien have obtained friends and I am trying to learn the language; my children already speak and they understand the Groins, because all their classes are in Groins.  

I think about a future to work and of course to return to Colombia to visit my family.  One never it forgets their raices, although they treat it well in another pais.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Comments from my wife (en espanol), posted by pablo on Mar 26, 2005

The lack of accents and tildes will kill the translators but they are not too much of a problem for a human being since you can usually tell from the context whether it's year or anus. I wish I knew of a fast and easy way to add the accents when we need them without having them all the time.