Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Start

[Looking4Wife]

RWeigel just posted a good email concerning scammers via the Latin-Women-List email forum.  I am lazy when it comes to such lists, so I don't take the time to jump through the hoops to learn how to post there, so I just lurk there... but I digress...

Anyway, my thoughts are the following...

For those of us who are sincerely looking to marry a Latina in the near future, why don't we all just tell Latina's up front:

1.  No matter WHAT happens, I cannot help you out financially UNTIL we are married AND back in the USA.

2.  Based on my income, I would be willing to help your family out with $X per month, or $X per year, etc. AFTER we are married.

3.  If you love me, you can understand my feelings that mixing money in the relationship CONFUSES the relationship.  Unfortunately it has been my experience, and the experience of many of my friends, that the relationship has gone downhill after money enters the picture.

4.  If you and I were not together, you (and your family) would still survive.  So no matter how much it hurts my heart to not help you through this (alleged) financial calamity, I can't.  Believe me, I am crying on the inside, just as you are crying on the outside.

5.  Our relationship has to be built on trust.  If I start giving you money BEFORE marriage, I can never REALLY know if you married me for money or love.  You want me to be SURE about us don't you?

6.  If you think that me not giving you money is going to be a problem, then maybe this relationship won't work.  Do you think our love can overcome this?

What y'all think?

Gracias

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Sta..., posted by Looking4Wife on Mar 14, 2005

It won’t work.  Once you give someone the rules, you are just telling them what they have to do to fool you.  Colombian women are easy to read.. mine kisses me and tells me she loves me at least a hundred times a day.  If you are not getting this kind of attention then move on.  Trust your intuition... if a voice inside of you is telling you she doesn’t love you... that voice is correct.  She will show you that she loves you in a thousand little ways.. and someone who is pretending can’t do it all the time.  Another suggestion:  date alot of women without having sex.  You will be able to find someone who is suited to you and you have no obligation to them and can freely move on if you are not interested.  If someone asks you for money when you have no committed relationship you know they are out of line.  You are in a great position where you have a large pool to select from.  If you forget the big picture and go for the short term pleasure and cut your search short, you will suffer for it for many years to come.  Once you have a genuine relationship, you will want to help each other.              

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Stopping Latina Scammers Before they..., posted by valuedcustomer on Mar 15, 2005

.

[Hoda]

... in response to Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Sta..., posted by Looking4Wife on Mar 14, 2005


You're getting too worked up setting up financial terms before establishing any emotional or spiritual bonding. You're gonna be down there a month for crying out loud! Relax, take in the culture, scenery & flavor of the life surrounding you. Look at this trip as a vacation & learning experience.....

Don't feel like you don't have to come back engaged or married.

[jim c]

... in response to Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Sta..., posted by Looking4Wife on Mar 14, 2005

It is my belief that we all want to be good guys in our relationships with latinas. We usually indicate that we are interested in helping even if we do not directly say it.
   There are conflicting cultural expectations here. Understand that in this culture the man is the bread winner and is expected to foot the bill. Dutch treat is usually a sign there is no relationship. The word invite in Colombia indicates you are paying. You want to be the head of your family, well then, you have to accept all the responsibility.
    There are those I have met here who offer more than they need to in the misguided belief that it will make them more attractive and responsible in the ladies eyes. ( more manly)  Yet I have seen these same men scream bloody murder when the relationship crashes asking for the gifts to be returned like the engagement ring and the computor you impressed her with . If you pose as a sugar daddy then you need to swallow the cost ( quit whining).   I have no problem being a sugar daddy. Now my expectations of young beautiful girls being in love with me at first sight have long past. so as the saying goes its just the cost of doing business. If you lose. stop calling her a scammer and pay the bill like a gentleman. Next time get to know her a little better before you try to impress her. jimc

[Cali James]

... in response to Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Sta..., posted by Looking4Wife on Mar 14, 2005

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

Bad idea, like the others said.  You're likely to have opposite affect of what you desire.  Like turning off the sincere woman who might otherwise have been interested in you and making it more difficult to catch the potential scammer. Best to let a woman act as she normally would.  Give her the confidence to be herself and sit back and watch, observe and be patient.  If a woman is a true scammer she'll reveal her colors much quicker when you don't play your hand too soon.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Sta..., posted by Looking4Wife on Mar 14, 2005

I agree with Patrick.  

After several years of vacations and wife searching in Latin America, I am familiar with the poverty there.  It is too cruel to lay stringent condition you lay out on the average woman there.  It is better taken on a case by case basis.

There is merit in not sending money to a woman you are not involved with.  I think there is even more merit in being willing to send SMALL amounts of money to women you are not involved with.  Not only are you helping out someone in their time of need, but you can also guage their reaction to your altruism.  Is it one of gratitude or resentment that you did not send more?  

One woman I corresponded with but never met asked me for money.  I sent the equivalent of $15, she wrote back calling me a tightwad.  Clearly, not relationship material, and the money I sent was far less than the price of plane tickets to Brazil.  Another woman was going through difficulties that she described in her letters to me.  She didn't directly ask for money but I sent some anyway.  When we met in person she was grateful and treated me well.  We weren't compatible enough for a romance but we are still friends.

The saying that what goes around comes around is not a well known saying for nothing.  There are as many pitfalls in being too cheap as there are in being too generous.

[Patrick]

... in response to Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Sta..., posted by Looking4Wife on Mar 14, 2005

This sounds like something I would have used on a Latina when I first started my search around 10 years ago.  It will have a negative effect.  Negative in that it will turn women off to be read a manifesto right after "Hola".

Best to build a relationship first, then discuss finances and what you're willing and unwilling to do.  Don't to send money to anyone you aren't seriously involved with.  If you haven't met, you aren't seriously involved.  I would also agree with some others who think that if you aren't sexually intimate, you aren't seriously involved.

[Onephd]

... in response to Stopping Latina Scammers Before they Sta..., posted by Looking4Wife on Mar 14, 2005

True, good, and all, but I think most men get scammed after they believe that they have developed a relationship and are headed for marriage.  

Its easier for some of us to say no.  Every man has to make a decision as to when, if, and how much he will help his lady.  

Also I think the men may fear that if they say no and it really is an emergency, that the womman will turn to another man (perhaps her ex).  This is what happens here in good ole USA so why not there.

Point being, what you said is true, and easy for you to do and me for that matter, but I can't really blame a guy if he believes he has something with someone and then does something to help his lady/future wife out.  

Anyway, live and learn.