Gossip, Part 2

[Brazilophile]

My noiva spent an entire week-end with the couple in a tourist resort not far from the city they live in.  The European suitor invited the friend on a trip and she did not want to go unaccompanied and would only agree to the trip if my noiva came along.  So my noiva saw them interact a great deal and was able to form an impression of him.  During the evening, the ladies, as ladies do, went to the bathroom together and took a long time, so I was able to speak with him alone and also form an impression of him.  

My noiva’s impression was that he is very passive and insecure.  He seemed to be looking for a woman who would accept him as he was, as opposed to looking for a woman he found attractive and could accept as she was.  She felt he had very little relationship experience with women.  She said that he couldn’t see that her friend was just not that into him so she would have to tell him directly that she was not interested in romance with him.

I got a similar impression from talking with him.   He made the trip to brazil to see ONLY her.  He planned to spend 15 days just wooing her.  Why?  Because he was generally not impressed with the women on Latin Euro, who were mostly in bikinis or provocative attire.  He did not realize that the photos on Latin Euro are controlled by the owner, not the ladies, and that the profiles are not accurate.  He believed that the agency’s presentation of the ladies was an accurate reflection of the ladies’ characters.  Since my noiva’s friend was dressed modestly in the photo, he felt that she had a better character than the other women.  I was quite struck by his high degree of naivete.

With me he was vague about why he was no longer pursuing European women.  My noiva felt that it was because he was tired of the rejection by them.  She felt that he comes across as too “weak” for most women to find him interesting.  He did tell me that he started looking for a foreign wife 6 months ago, and he had already been to the Dominican Republic and Costa Rica to meet potential wife material.  He had been to Brazil on vacation before, but this was his first trip to look for a wife.  It became clear tome that he had not done any type of introspection or determination of what he needed to be happy, what kind of woman he could realistically attract, or what he needed to do to more likely attract the type of woman he was looking for.  In particular, he was treating Brazilian women, at least the one Brazilian woman we saw him with, as if they were European women.  He did not at all realize that he was in a different relationship market and therefore needed to have a different perspective.  My noiva strongly agreed with me on that point.  

He does not yet have the perspective needed to be romantically successful with a Brazilian woman.  He would need to be much clearer and more assertive, even aggressive, about what he is attracted to and is actively pursuing in a woman.  Brazilian women, even Latin women generally, need to feel very secure about how and why a man is attracted to them.  This European guy was not providing any of that security at all.

[Michael B]

... in response to Gossip, Part 2, posted by Brazilophile on Mar 14, 2005

Quote-He did not realize that the photos on Latin Euro are controlled by the owner, not the ladies.

Sure, then, the photos ARE controlled by the ladies. You don't want the agency manager to post a picture of you in a bikini? Then don't GIVE him a picture of you in a bikini, simple enough, no?

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Who controls what?, posted by Michael B on Mar 15, 2005

Yes, simple enough and point taken.  

Some ladies I met told me they were not pleased with the photos of them on the site.  They said they sent LE a variety of photos, some formal, some casual, some in bikinis, but the photos that got posted were only or mostly the ones in bikinis.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Who controls what?, posted by Brazilophile on Mar 16, 2005


"Lourdes" knows that he can sell more addresses in bikinis than other types.  

BTW, congrats BP on finding your sweetheart!  It sure took awhile didn't it?  

I wonder how long it will take them to remove your novia's photos off their web site or did you even meet her through LE?

[WS244]

... in response to Gossip, Part 2, posted by Brazilophile on Mar 14, 2005

Sounds like your novia is more interested in herself and her girlfriend than you.  Those women were not only in the bathroom talking about "him" but also about "you".  Tell her to put you first in her life, or kick her in the butt and get rid of her. From your posts 1&2 she appears to think you are somewhat passive and insecure yourself, otherwise she would'nt be telling you what to do, which she is, and yet you do not see this..

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Gossip, Part 2, posted by WS244 on Mar 14, 2005

Those women were not only in the bathroom talking about "him" but also about "you".

Yes, that is true.  Her friend did make some remarks to her about me that my noiva later shared with me.

I am taking the rest of what you said with many pounds of salt.

[Avispa]

... in response to Re: Re: Gossip, Part 2, posted by Brazilophile on Mar 15, 2005

So, she's not into the guy.
Why make all these value judgments on his character?

[Dr Aaron]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Gossip, Part 2, posted by Avispa on Mar 15, 2005

So far there really doesn't seem to be anything alarming about the guy, and these comments are totally one sided. I wonder if the guy is spending time thinking and discussing BP and his partner with others. I doubt it.

He could be a decent and stable man, spending good money to travel all the way from Europe; and in my opinion the red flags are 1.) the woman not being direct with the man, and 2.) BP's girl for not either being more direct that her friend shouldn't be leading him on, and/or both BP and his girl realizing the dynamics of the "game" the friend is playing, and deciding that they don't want to be caught up in the middle of the interaction.

My 2 cents.

Aaron

[Brazilophile]

... in response to I totally agree 100%, posted by Dr Aaron on Mar 15, 2005

Aaron and Avispa,

These were casual comments made as gossip between 2 people based on casual observations.  There were not an exhaustive, fair and balanced, examination of a situation.

The posts reflect our impressions, nothing more and nothing less.

[soltero]

... in response to Re: I totally agree 100%, posted by Brazilophile on Mar 16, 2005

I, for one, appreciate your time in giving your impression of the situation and see its worth in understanding the dynamics of what could happen to anyone in a similar situation. Although I feel for the guy, he is setting himself up in a situation where he is depending more on luck than skill, and it doesn't appear that luck is on his side here. I would think that if he had his eyes open and attempted communicating with her, it would not be all that hard to determine that he might need to look elsewhere. I don't understand the need for people to read more into what is going on here than the fact that this is just observation and not an effort to influence or correct the situation.