I Don't Get It

[beginthebeguin]

That reminds me of a true story. Seems that the neighborhood proprietor of a local fried chicken shop went out of business because he couldn't pass the county health inspection.  A month later he was open for business as a florist's shop. But my mother could not understand why he never had a greenhouse in the back of the cramped establishment. It seemed strange to her. Until she read in the paper he was busted for having as his 'greenhouse'  a local cemetary about 10 miles out of town. Taking the expression 'low overhead' to new lows.

[robert angel]

When it comes to flowers AND 'pic a nic' baskets, as Yogi Bear said--you have to be:
                                              "Smaaarter than the averaage bear!"
 

[InnocentVixen]

Aww pet names, I absolutely love them but I tend to choose them carefully, don't really like going for the common ones, I will call my boyfriend, close friends and my pet "mi amor" (or just "amor")every once in a while if I am feeling particularly affectionate, "mi vida" is reserved for someone very special when the connection gets strong enough, that is as it far as common names go, the rest are silly ones made up out of personality traits that show affection and makes us both laugh.

To be honest I don't like "baby" or the equivalents in spanish (nena, bebe, etc) but if it's not used a lot it's ok, I have no problems with being called goddess or being treated like one and I would guess that is even more spoiled than a "queen" but I love getting spoiled, though not long ago I realized I might be using the wrong word here, because for me being spoiled is getting lots of affection and attention from that special guy, I feel spoiled when I am so happy that if I was a cat I would be purring, that doesn't mean I turn into a monster and start being rude, all the contrary actually.

By the way, has anyone been freaked out by an early "I love you"? I wish english was more specific about that, I guess saying "I am in love with you" is better but people assume they are the same when in spanish it's a world of difference from "te quiero" and "te amo"

[beginthebeguin]

IV I just wanted to get a clarification if a woman is using 'te adoro' in conjunction with 'te amo',  I take it she is past the 'just friends' stage .

[whitey]

Te adoro, at least in Colombia, is more profound that te amo.  The scale goes like this:

te quiero - te amo - te adoro

[robert angel]

   
I.V.,

Maybe it's good you weren't born yet and in the USA in the late 60's and 70's. I was just a little kid, but especially among the hippy, 'peacenik' crowd, people would go up to practically strangers and say things like "I love you brother" -- things that today would probably call to question both your sexuality AND sanity. Nonetheless, among some religious groups, it's still pretty common.
 
 My son's are into a Beatles and Motown music 'kick' lately and we were listening to all the number one hits the Beatles had and it seems like 90% or more were all about love, love, love--"She loves you"--'Love me do", 'All you need is love", etc. Then it was almost the same with the Motown stuff we jammed to, but with a little more edge and 'attitude' and not as saccharine sweet.

Just goes to show, but I'd have thought the use of the expression 'I love you' would be more common in L.A. nations than in the USA, but you never know and it probably like anything, varies from place to place, person to person.
 
Smokey Robinson: "You really got a hold on me"

(edited)

I don't like you, but I love you
Seems I'm always, thinking of you
Oh, oh, oh, you treat me badly
I love you madly

You really got a hold on me

Baby, I don't want you, but I need you
Don't wanna kiss you, but I need you
Oh, oh, oh, you do me wrong now
My love is strong now

You really got a hold on me

Baby, I love you and I want you to do
Is just hold on me, hold me, hold me, hold me
Don't want to leave you
Don't want to stay here
Don't want to spent, another day here
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna sit now
I just can quit now

You really got a hold on me

Baby, I love you, and all I want, you to do
Is just, hold me, please
Hold me, squeeze
Hold me, hold me

You really got a hold on me...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2EsZpobWJs  (ha ha--Just realized the Beatles recorded and released this song, just like they did a bunch of other Motown tunes, also!

Oh if nothing else, and you're still here--watch and LISTEN  to this next 1959 gem.
I made SURE my sons listened to this next one TEN times!-You BETTER 'Shop Around'!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjy8HqrcYys

[beginthebeguin]

So to use "Whitey" Ford's baseball analogy (or was it Elaine Bennis'). "Te Amo" is an emotional equivalent to "you are rounding third and the third-base coach is waving you in"?  jajajaja

[whitey]

By the way, has anyone been freaked out by an early "I love you"? I wish english was more specific about that, I guess saying "I am in love with you" is better but people assume they are the same when in spanish it's a world of difference from "te quiero" and "te amo"

Yes, I have to admit to having been a little freaked out by what I considered to be an "early" I love you ... and also being confused initially about the difference between te quiero and te amo.

After 9 months of corresponding and a few video chats (the first 7 months as friends and the last couple months heading towards more than friends), I went to visit Nazly for the first time.  She said "te quiero" to me the second day and "te amo" the third day (not sure if that one slipped out a little sooner than she meant to or not).

I was flattered and certainly enjoyed the affection, but this seemed much too early to me.  However, one of the things I like most about a lot of Colombian women is that they are very affectionate, and they don't tend to put filters on their feelings or time limits on when they vocalize them. 

We had an amazing two weeks together, were only apart for a few nights when we were in her home city (out of respect for her and her family), and before I went home I formally asked her to be my novia.

I held off on telling her I loved her until I had been back in Canada for a few weeks. Although I was feeing it, I wanted to be sure that it wasn't just some crazy foreign vacation romance that would fade once I was back in gringolandia.

Even that was way faster than I would normally tell someone I loved them, but I decided that the last thing I wanted this time was to set up limits and barriers around my relationship ... I'd certainly had enough of that after almost 20 years of marriage to a Canadian woman! 

I've never regretted that decision.  While my ex-wife was uncomfortable with "too much" affection (like holding hands) or would use it as a weapon, every bit of affection I give to Nazly is reflected back more intensely.

[braziliangirl]

Te adoro, at least in Colombia, is more profound that te amo.  The scale goes like this:

te quiero - te amo - te adoro

Just so the guys that are "into" Brazil know, here it's different: te adoro < te amo.

I don't know exactly what te quiero means. I always thought it was the same as te amo. Is it equivalent to "I like you"?

I also wonder if it's ok to call the guy my something (my dear, my baby etc.) early in the relationship. I like it, but I wonder if he will think it is too possessive.

About pet names, I'm so frustrated. The man I'm talking to came up with a wonderful one for me and I can't even think of an OK one for him.

[beginthebeguin]

Thanks for contributing braziliangirl. Nice to hear from you.
Here in the EE.UU. I have heard a few women  use the endearment 'stud muffin' but that may be way too familiar. Anybody else got any gringo endearment ideas? 

[whitey]

Just so the guys that are "into" Brazil know, here it's different: te adoro < te amo.

That's interesting Braziliangirl. I didn't think the expression would carry different weight in different countries.  I wonder how it is in Mexico?  Just did a quick search on the web and not everyone has the same opinion, but most seem to think "te adoro", especially in the context of a romantic relationship, carries more weight.

I don't know exactly what te quiero means. I always thought it was the same as te amo. Is it equivalent to "I like you"?

I don't pretend to understand the nuances exactly, but I've been told that it's similar to "te amo", but more often used with friends, family, pets, or maybe early in a romantic relationship (before someone is ready to say "te amo").  After I said "te amo" to my wife the first time, we've never again in our relationship said "te quiero" to one another.

I also wonder if it's ok to call the guy my something (my dear, my baby etc.) early in the relationship. I like it, but I wonder if he will think it is too possessive.

I can't speak for everyone, but I certainly enjoy the possessiveness ... I find it very affectionate and flattering.  My advice would be for you to be yourself, and if that's how you like to talk and if that's how you feel about someone, call him "my whatever".  If he doesn't like it, I'd say he has the problem.

About pet names, I'm so frustrated. The man I'm talking to came up with a wonderful one for me and I can't even think of an OK one for him.

Don't worry, you'll come up with something!  Apparently "Boo boo" has already been reserved, though.

[V_Man]

BrazillianGirl, he will like it - particularly comming from a latina - or else he will love it!
If it was comming from a gringa he may be unsure about how fast things are moving, but comming from a latina he will not be concerned because he will understand latinas are more affectionate. Hopefully he will realise this is twice as true for a Brazillian. This is a huge factor in why men are attracted to latinas in the first place.
The only risk is that he may feel a little pressured to respond in the same way and he may not be used to doing that. So as long as you understand that he may take longer than you to start using terms like that then go for it. He'll catch up to you in his own time.

[dennislevy]

I ve had women write messages to me and say te quiero........or te quiero mucho and they hadnt even met me!

Of ocurse after they met me, they told em that we would be friends always, or they would offer me their friendship! And that offer of friendship and approxately 1100 pesss is enoough  buy you an empenada.

Women have moaned te quiero, papi.....or even te amo, papi repetely...that s when we were drinking coffee...........

After just about three eyars ib Colombia....., I ve ocme to the ocnclusion that the meaning of te quiero (when said face to face) is whatever who is saying it....wants it to mean...anything from I like you to I have feelings for you. to I have very strong feeligns for you  Its a catch all phrase.

I ve said te amo to three women in Colombia...two were novias...and one is my ex novia and best friedn in Colombia.

[beginthebeguin]

Dennis, at lot of us love your posts and your prespective on things Colombian. What is your take on a just how much does a woman like you if she offers to make you empenadas herself? And if she does do you definitely buy her coffee from a J.Valdez? 
And I hope this thread does not turn into a "Let's rag on Dennis" bloodbath. Even I am getting tired of those.

[InnocentVixen]

In Mexico it will be pretty rare to hear "te adoro", I do use it on rare occassion but then again I am extremely affectionate and I think mexicans for the most part tend to be a bit more reserved, personally I use it after crossing the line of saying "te amo" to show my affection without using te amo too much, the word is too strong to use lightly and often, womanizers will say everything BUT te amo for example.


In english though I worry I might freak my guy out with an early I love you or catch myself saying it too often because the language is so limited, I say I love you when I mean te quiero, I say I love you when I mean te amo and I say I love you for everything in between!


The hundreds of pet names do help to some degree I think, as we get to know each other better he is starting to notice when I use them and lucky for me he seems to be the same as me reserving certain ones for only when he is feeling particularly playful or romantic for example.


@BG: whitey got it right when he explained the difference between te quiero and te amo, keep in mind the literal translation of te quiero is "I want you" but the meaning is not sexual at all, it is meant to be used to express strong feelings of affection to someone, but not necessarily romantic love.

[beginthebeguin]

Yes IV, at first is was taken aback by her using 'Te Amo'. I just attributed it to her growing affection but when she started using "Te Adoro" and "mi vida"  I realized relationship had really changed, for the better.
And why would we affection starved gringos NOT want to hear some heart-felt endearments from our latinas? Because when we hear such with the stronger meanings of affection from our latinas we know they MEAN it. Taking the slow approach is fine and the two of you inventing your own endearments is a good approach.
Let me give you an example of  regional differences even in Gringoland. Where I am from the use of the word  'honey' is so overused in public that the cashiers of the local supermarkets use it without batting an eyelash to complete strangers, and yet I do not live in a southern tier state. There one would expect the usage of the word on a regular formal basis in public. So I would agree that your caution is warranted.
   

[Researcher]

       When it comes to Spanish you need to be aware of your location.Some words and phrases will mean one thing in one country and something completely different in another.I don't think there is such a thing as universal Spanish.There can be different meanings of words and phrases even in the same country it just depends on the region.For example, the word "cojer" means to take or grab something in Colombia while in Mexico it has an entirely different meaning.After learning Spanish in Mexico and travelling to Colombia I was told by many Colombians that I wasn't speaking Spanish I was speaking Mexican.But I have to admit when someone used the term "cojer" in Colombia I had to resist the urge to giggle like a school boy!

       Researcher

[Researcher]

And I hope this thread does not turn into a "Let's rag on Dennis" bloodbath. Even I am getting tired of those.

                                        Hopefully the show's over...

                 


          Researcher

[Researcher]

This is a huge factor in why men are attracted to latinas in the first place.

  I agree with you on that V-Man.I know that my wife started using those affectionate terms early and continues to.I came around and started doing the same and I know we use pet names that are probably sickening to other people, probably as bad as "BooBooAngel"! hahaha!

    I'll have to use that one.

     Researcher 

[robert angel]

I don't think any of us need to put ourselves into the position of moral arbiters here unless we're here to moderate offensive posts as an assigned duty.

 

I think that most of the people who give Dennis a hard time are likely somewhat jealous of him anyway. You can make a point if you think someone's doing wrong, but to keep harping on it just makes others question the source and the motivation....

 
Seems like some of us are too intent on writing 'exposes' on others and finding inconsistencies from posts that are sometimes years old. A little more 'give and take'; and 'live and let live' goes a long way...

[whitey]

       When it comes to Spanish you need to be aware of your location.Some words and phrases will mean one thing in one country and something completely different in another.I don't think there is such a thing as universal Spanish.There can be different meanings of words and phrases even in the same country it just depends on the region.For example, the word "cojer" means to take or grab something in Colombia while in Mexico it has an entirely different meaning.After learning Spanish in Mexico and travelling to Colombia I was told by many Colombians that I wasn't speaking Spanish I was speaking Mexican.But I have to admit when someone used the term "cojer" in Colombia I had to resist the urge to giggle like a school boy!

       Researcher

So I guess "cojelo sauve" means something totally different in Colombia than it does in Mexico?

[Researcher]

So I guess "cojelo sauve" means something totally different in Colombia than it does in Mexico?

    It can mean exactly the same in both countries...depending on which room of the house you are in!

            Researcher

[fathertime]

For me it may just be semantics ... I really don't like the words queen and princess, and what they imply to me.

Like good ole Dr. Phil says, a relationship shouldn't be 50-50 ... it should be 100-100 ... each person should give to the other as much as they have to give.  So FT, we probably agree with each other except for the choice of words.

Most of us, especially those who have been married before to gringas, have experienced that awful, competitive, 50-50, tit-for-tat relationship ... and that's why we're looking or have found something much better in Latin America.

hehe whitey, i think we agree on the queen/princess thing...my nicknames for the wife are more personalized and don't always sound that flattering except maybe to the wife who knows the inside scoop. 


Fathertime!

[fathertime]

Yes IV, at first is was taken aback by her using 'Te Amo'. I just attributed it to her growing affection but when she started using "Te Adoro" and "mi vida"  I realized relationship had really changed, for the better.
 
   

beginthebeguin, as of a couple days ago you were dropping this gal and now you have 'realized' that your cyber relationship has changed for the better??  i suspect you are making up your stories because i don't believe that somebody as austere as your old avatar photo was could be buying all of this happy crappy you are receiving from these gals!
Now come on and admit it, you are just having fun with the pl members, Right?
Fathertime! 

[braziliangirl]

Thanks for contributing braziliangirl. Nice to hear from you.
Here in the EE.UU. I have heard a few women  use the endearment 'stud muffin' but that may be way too familiar. Anybody else got any gringo endearment ideas?

Thanks for the suggestion, Begin, but I'm not so keen on food terms of endearment. Anything beyond honey sounds just weird to me. Especially things with muffin. Doesn't it sounds like you're calling the other fat? 

--

That's interesting Braziliangirl. I didn't think the expression would carry different weight in different countries.  I wonder how it is in Mexico?  Just did a quick search on the web and not everyone has the same opinion, but most seem to think "te adoro", especially in the context of a romantic relationship, carries more weight.

I guess te adoro just lost the worship meaning here in Brazil. People (especially teenagers) say to friends and before they are ready to say te amo in a romantic relationship. So maybe it's basically used as the Spanish te quiero.

I can't speak for everyone, but I certainly enjoy the possessiveness ... I find it very affectionate and flattering.  My advice would be for you to be yourself, and if that's how you like to talk and if that's how you feel about someone, call him "my whatever".  If he doesn't like it, I'd say he has the problem.

In fact, I've been calling him my a-lot-of-things and I even asked some time ago if it was OK. He said it was great. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't just being nice.

The only risk is that he may feel a little pressured to respond in the same way and he may not be used to doing that. So as long as you understand that he may take longer than you to start using terms like that then go for it. He'll catch up to you in his own time.

I get you, V. Thanks for the heads up. He doesn't respond in the same way, but I'm totally cool with that. I know those things carry different weights in his culture and I respect his time. Plus, he is very good in showing his affection in other ways.

Don't worry, you'll come up with something!  Apparently "Boo boo" has already been reserved, though.

That's how I feel. It has to come naturally...

About the boo boo, that's too bad. It's sooo cute. Can I borrow it, Robert?