Why I keep her...

[robert angel]

The title may suggest pure macho sexism, but the cold reality is that be it my wife, ex wife or GFs, THEY could also ( and in some cases did) leave ME....

But here's a place where we can state why we're happy with a particular woman, why we stay with her.  Probably a lot of little reasons, and a few big ones...

Big one: She gets over sh!t real quick, no long multi day grudges.

Little, but good one:

We can, like last week, be lost in the countryside or city, driving 4 hours and I usually don't feel the need to turn on the radio.  Our conversation or quiet is that good.

Huge one: When I feel ummmm 'amorous' she NEVER rejects my advances....

What is it about your girl that makes her a keeper?

[robert angel]

She can cook! (And does)

[mambocowboy]

She can cook! (And does)

She's spontaneous,  is a happy person. Those were super important to me...

[robert angel]

She's spontaneous,  is a happy person. Those were super important to me...

I'm a slob around the house. She's not the stereotypical OCD Asian wife who keeps the house sterile clean, but she accepts that I am what I am, without nagging.

I do the outside lawn and garden, she's got the inside. If I leave my clothes, shoes or food here and there, she picks up after me and keeps the house presentable. So what if I don't lift the seat--I never put it down either, lol.

Yup, she's a keeper.

[robert angel]

Not too many 'surprises'--I pretty much know who and what to expect each day and night. And no, it's not boring-- it's typically better than I deserve and I have pretty high standards.

[robert angel]

Because for some unfathomable reason, almost all the time, she thinks she's the 'lucky one' as a spouse. She thinks that my stock value overall as great spouse (and as for "stock value"--we are far from rich $$$ wise) is much higher than hers is to me.

She's wrong---unbeknownst to her, that's bunk, bollocks and malarkey!! (But don't tell her...)

I have a loyal, sexy-- lovely, oh sooo agreeable wife who's in peak condition, who's 20+ years younger than me, who pampers and spoils me in countless ways.

Maybe it's her 'Catholic guilt' but she was sooo apologetic about working two hours overtime tonight, for her not "being here" at home more for me. I didn't know whether to laugh or thank her, but I thanked her, explaining: " It's OK honey, I missed you too."

I DON'T think such relationship/love/marriage dynamics towards husbands are nearly as common coming from USA born women as they are coming from foreign women.

[benjio]

I DON'T think such relationship/love/marriage dynamics towards husbands are nearly as common coming from USA born women as they are coming from foreign women.

I think this statement is a testament to the fact you’re both equally fortunate. You’ve obviously found yourself a winner, which is possible in the states with an AW as much as we all complain about some of their more undesirable characteristics. But think about both your alternatives. You obviously constantly express how much more unfulfilling your past relationships were but first and foremost let’s recognize the rare and ever so impossible occasion when two people meet and actually click with each other. Not just initial infatuation or an extended period of lust, but finding a best friend in a partner. Believe me, that’s lucky on both sides.

Additionally had she not married you where would she be? Would she have ever come to the states? What kind of opportunities would she have had, even with her education and work ethic, back in the Philippines? What type of man would she have ended up with? Let’s say she married another gringo and came to the states. He could’ve easily been an abusive unfaithful a$$hole. She may have had children with him only to discover he was a bad father. I’d say your appreciation for one another is mutual and on same level for good reason. American Society trains men to think simply having a woman is a privilege. I think on both sides, with either gender, finding a “soul mate” is a fortuitous occurrence that happens so seldom both parties should consider themselves extremely lucky.

[robert angel]

I think this statement is a testament to the fact you’re both equally fortunate. You’ve obviously found yourself a winner, which is possible in the states with an AW as much as we all complain about some of their more undesirable characteristics. But think about both your alternatives. You obviously constantly express how much more unfulfilling your past relationships were but first and foremost let’s recognize the rare and ever so impossible occasion when two people meet and actually click with each other. Not just initial infatuation or an extended period of lust, but finding a best friend in a partner. Believe me, that’s lucky on both sides.

Additionally had she not married you where would she be? Would she have ever come to the states? What kind of opportunities would she have had, even with her education and work ethic, back in the Philippines? What type of man would she have ended up with? Let’s say she married another gringo and came to the states. He could’ve easily been an abusive unfaithful a$$hole. She may have had children with him only to discover he was a bad father. I’d say your appreciation for one another is mutual and on same level for good reason. American Society trains men to think simply having a woman is a privilege. I think on both sides, with either gender, finding a “soul mate” is a fortuitous occurrence that happens so seldom both parties should consider themselves extremely lucky.

First of all Benjio, Thank You, But yes, we've been fortunate indeed. Lucky. We thank God for that and we pray for those less fortunate.


What's especially unusual is the fact that as we move (it's a good while off yet) towards 15 years together here in the USA, {knew her for 4 years b4 that)  her values--who and what she is, her core basics, haven't changed a whole lot. The world has changed more than her--life back in her homeland, as well as here in the USA.


She had decent professional job w/ Coca Cola back home, but life if she was back there, yes her--'our' lives, would be different. We'd be with other partners. Back home, she worked--even as a Logistics Engineer, six, 12 hour days a week. Once month Sundays too---monthly inventory. Two of her college grad siblings back home work for Pepsi--similar schedules, scenarios. And they feel fortunate for it.


There, she wouldn't be driving her own car, she wouldn't be eating, dressing and experiencing vacations like life here. Probably not needing to decide which French perfume or shoes to wear either. Amazon doesn't deliver there.


Yet, my first wife (14 loooonnggg years) came from the SAME country and although she earned her 4 year college RN degree, she was even poorer growing up. She had a horrific childhood as an orphan--very little sense of 'family' and the post traumatic stress later on about killed us. Her preference was more for 'things'---for life in the USA, for all it's material trappings, more than about 'people'.


As animals go--I'd have to say she was more like a 'cat' a wiley survivor who once realizing she didn't need me anymore, that when things got rough, she didn't me to inconvenience her existence anymore. Us--'family' bonds, weren't enough. She's model pretty, but hasn't been out on date in twenty years. Sad.


But all this time in the USA could've turned my wife from the good, Christian woman she is, to a materialistic,self centered person, someone who looks up to others and covets what they have, instead of centering her life on what we've got.


I think that had I not come along, she eventually would've found and married a decent fellow from a 1st world nation--that Chicago surgeon, the California pilot--somebody we'll never know. But I don't think she would've ended up with a bum worse than me. She's a pretty good judge of character and the guy would've had to meet her family's 'seal of approval' first, for one thing.


She was surprised at how from a fairly young age that just from watching American TV (Beverly Hills 90210!!) and when those cute Mormon Missionary boys first bicycled into her remote barangay, that she knew that she wanted to marry someone with blue eyes, LOL. I guess it was like us watching aliens and being attracted to them, but it set a hook.


I remember going there and little kids seeing me, my hairy arms and chest, bright blue eyes and running in terror! I joked (once the kids lost their fear) that for a peso, I'd let them 'pet the white gorilla'-->ME!)


But then or now, she's never felt like she deserved privilege--no sense of entitlement. As a kid, she used to actually feel bad--was embarrassed, if she got a new dress or pair of shoes once a year. She thought about all the other kids and families that didn't get that--who maybe didn't even have enough food.


She never gets too boastful on FB-very careful there. Chooses her friends very carefully. She's very sensitive, but not easily offended. She doesn't know what 'hubris' means and if I tried to tell her, she might nicely say: "Why are you telling me?--I don't need that word"


Tonight while we ate lamb and other delish foods, she spoke about how so many people don't wish for lamb or even for meat--they wish that they just had ANY food to eat and share.


All the above said, I think a lot of women who were like her as a child--altruistic kids, raised well in good, stable families, but who nonetheless could change for the worse after living in the USA---I just got lucky. The USA-'California Dreaming'--'Hotel California' a "N.Y. State of Mind, etc--can really change a person. So yes--very lucky.


We still feel we need each other. Last Monday after a weekend when we were actually a bit on each other's nerves, quarrelsome, I texted her at her job and wrote: "Sweetie--I miss you--even when we're NOT getting along"--she agreed.


No two relationships are the same, but something similar could happen to you!

[robert angel]

If we're going somewhere and we'll see the same people, she will remember what I wore months before, advising me on my nicest other choices.

Sometimes I over ride her choice, but she has excellent taste.

But right down to the shoes--she remembers.

Where she comes from, if your husband looks like a slob, it reflects badly on the wife.