Religion

[robert angel]

How has religion effected your relationships with women?


Having dated Latina and Asian women, I've noted some paradoxes, such as some women who seemed quite religious but were also not just 'superstitious' in their beliefs, but even practiced rituals, bought into fortune telling, 'signs' quack medicine and so on.


I've seen seemingly devout, church going women who were super horny--promiscuous---and they didn't let any 'fear of God' stop them from f'ing like rabbits, and not just loyal to one guy either.


I mentioned a couple times previously being approached by prostitutes (cute too!) who when I politely said 'Thanks, but no thanks", the church bells rang for Catholic Mass time and without 'work' calling, they attended mass instead,


So for sure, being 'religious' does not mean they're not in high gear sexually.


Sometimes though, if a woman suddenly 'finds religion' (and sometimes that can put a damper on sex)  and her BF, husband doesn't share the same fervor, it can spell trouble.


I mentioned a while back, I guess a couple years ago, that my wife will sometimes say "I need some quiet time" (not in response to anger/tension) and will go to another bedroom for 15 -30 minutes,  pray, read scripture and just reflect on life, maybe on dreams she had the night before. She keeps a little notebook, which I've seen. She's a 'giver' and thinks about doing more volunteer work--of giving back some of the good things that her life--that our marriage, has given her. Again, never out of anger or sadness and I'm fine--secure with myself about it.


If she was doing it to escape, if in doing so she was being pulled away from me or into some cult like group sucking her in --one that worked against me, (or any 'cult like' thing)  it'd be a whole lot different.


We typically go to church a couple times a month, maybe three and sometimes I'm the one who says "Let's catch a mass"--so other than the quiet refection time she occasionally takes, we've always been on the same page and still are, as far as I'm concerned.


So while some guys might say "Red Flag" "Danger Will Robinson!" this is not a Dear Abby/Ann Landers What do/should I do??? kinda post--it is different, I am cool, again "secure" with it. Then and now.


Both being raised Catholic helps too. I dated some other faiths--7th Day Adventists, Jehovah Witnesses etc and their strict rules really got in the way of it going anywhere.


We're both  far, far from being holy rollers, but when something really good comes our way or when we avoided the awful, we both will try to remember to give thanks to God and that keeps us down to earth together, I suppose.





But how has religion played out in your relationships? Has it taken quality of life backwards, kept things safe in neutral or moved things forward in a better way?

[ignorante]

I'm "religious."  My wife converted from confused Catholic (really, she was raised Catholic but never "got" it) to Christian before we were married.  It makes our marriage better in every way, because she takes the Bible seriously, even the parts women like to pretend are not in the Bible or explain away.


Every time I see somebody try to post the "excellent wife" and "far more precious than jewels" stuff on social media from Proverbs 31, I always ask if the wife is up before the sun putting breakfast on the table.  The excellent wife whose worth is more precious than jewels is - See Proverbs 31:15.  This morning was no exception for my wife, who was up before the sun making sure the household is fed in the morning.


There is more, much more, of course, such as the respect she shows to her husband (me!), but the point here is that religion has made our marriage much better than it has any right to be.


One might think that this is all for me and from my perspective only, but if that's true then she has done a very good job of fooling me into thinking that she is very happy, fulfilled,  and is getting what she wants out of life. 


I posted on here before that since she was a little girl, she always wanted the type of marriage her grandmother had, and she feels like she has finally gotten what she always wanted all her life.


And of course now I have more kids, LOL!  Including my little three year old boy this morning who got up early to see me off to work and greeted me in his Spiderman pajamas to jabber on about the Halloween decorations and the spray can of string that we bought him that he tells us is his spiderweb that he sprays to catch "monsters."  LOL!  Yeah, guess what he is dressing up as this Halloween? My little five year old girl had to get up for kindergarten and had to come get her hug as well.  I left for work a little later than usual this morning.

[robert angel]

I'm "religious."  My wife converted from confused Catholic (really, she was raised Catholic but never "got" it) to Christian before we were married.  It makes our marriage better in every way, because she takes the Bible seriously, even the parts women like to pretend are not in the Bible or explain away.


Every time I see somebody try to post the "excellent wife" and "far more precious than jewels" stuff on social media from Proverbs 31, I always ask if the wife is up before the sun putting breakfast on the table.  The excellent wife whose worth is more precious than jewels is - See Proverbs 31:15.  This morning was no exception for my wife, who was up before the sun making sure the household is fed in the morning.


There is more, much more, of course, such as the respect she shows to her husband (me!), but the point here is that religion has made our marriage much better than it has any right to be.


One might think that this is all for me and from my perspective only, but if that's true then she has done a very good job of fooling me into thinking that she is very happy, fulfilled,  and is getting what she wants out of life. 


I posted on here before that since she was a little girl, she always wanted the type of marriage her grandmother had, and she feels like she has finally gotten what she always wanted all her life.


And of course now I have more kids, LOL!  Including my little three year old boy this morning who got up early to see me off to work and greeted me in his Spiderman pajamas to jabber on about the Halloween decorations and the spray can of string that we bought him that he tells us is his spiderweb that he sprays to catch "monsters."  LOL!  Yeah, guess what he is dressing up as this Halloween? My little five year old girl had to get up for kindergarten and had to come get her hug as well.  I left for work a little later than usual this morning.

That's an epic post. I am so happy that's how it is for you guys!!

You and yours are truly living the "good old days" --only right now, daily--in real time!!

[robert angel]

I'm "religious."  My wife converted from confused Catholic (really, she was raised Catholic but never "got" it) to Christian before we were married.  It makes our marriage better in every way, because she takes the Bible seriously, even the parts women like to pretend are not in the Bible or explain away.


Every time I see somebody try to post the "excellent wife" and "far more precious than jewels" stuff on social media from Proverbs 31, I always ask if the wife is up before the sun putting breakfast on the table.  The excellent wife whose worth is more precious than jewels is - See Proverbs 31:15.  This morning was no exception for my wife, who was up before the sun making sure the household is fed in the morning.


There is more, much more, of course, such as the respect she shows to her husband (me!), but the point here is that religion has made our marriage much better than it has any right to be.


One might think that this is all for me and from my perspective only, but if that's true then she has done a very good job of fooling me into thinking that she is very happy, fulfilled,  and is getting what she wants out of life. 


I posted on here before that since she was a little girl, she always wanted the type of marriage her grandmother had, and she feels like she has finally gotten what she always wanted all her life.


And of course now I have more kids, LOL!  Including my little three year old boy this morning who got up early to see me off to work and greeted me in his Spiderman pajamas to jabber on about the Halloween decorations and the spray can of string that we bought him that he tells us is his spiderweb that he sprays to catch "monsters."  LOL!  Yeah, guess what he is dressing up as this Halloween? My little five year old girl had to get up for kindergarten and had to come get her hug as well.  I left for work a little later than usual this morning.

My wife sort of prioritizes my breakfast over her own, getting up early to take almonds soaked over night, mixing them with purified water, honey and pitted dates, then after blending that, then squeezing the mixture thru a bakery type cheese cloth bag.

The product squeezed out is sweet almond/honey/date milk, completely non dairy. I have cut out a lot of dairy goop/gunk--the chemical 'coffee mate' stuff that was no good for body weight or cholesterol.  I drink a lot of coffee, so so it really helps.

Sometimes she keeps the leftover almond pulp and uses it for baking. 5 or 6 almonds a day are supposed to be good for your brain and body in general.

About 20 minutes b4 that, she brings us each a teacup of warm squeezed lemon and water--that sort of jump starts our metabolisms.

It sounds crazy, but look up the benefits!

Then b4 she leaves for work, she usually leaves by her pillow next to me in our bed, a bowl of oatmeal or yogurt,  lightly sweetened, with fresh fruit on top.

That easily gets me thru to lunch time.

She does ALL that, showers, dresses for work immaculately, puts  (just recently started to) VERY little makeup on and asks me to look her over for my approval and my oh my, she DOES look like a million percent of good, tastefully reserved CLASS walking out the door.

In an hour or less.

Lunch is great, because I can usually choose between at least a couple dinner worthy dishes she made previously to rewarm or I do like to get creative and may do stuff like slice a roast for sandwiches, toasting the bread, add lettuce, tomatoes, some spices, light mayo, etc.

Sometimes it's any number of other dishes she made the Sunday b4, that I'll  rewarm, add fresh veggies, rice, maybe an italian salad, whatever. Or wait for her to get home and decide, if I want.

Ez stuff like steaks or burgers 4 dinner, I sometimes take the lead, but she's gone from zero cooking skills, to having an amazing variety in her cooking skill set and as said, we usually have some pretty nice dishes to pick leftovers from.

I also buy an amazing pizza or rottisory chicken on occasion!!

She never, ever expects me to prepare lunch or dinner but hey, she and I get so excited, it's appreciated, the happiness is infectious and she's out 4 lunch at 1, home by 1:05,.

Then we take about 10 minutes to eat, and she heads back to work about 1:50.

So that gives us a good 35 to 40 minutes to just relax or 'whatever' in our bed. Afternoon delight!! It makes my efforts most worthwhile. Kids from my 1st marriage are grown n gone, so it's almost always 'our time.'

We feel so fortunate that her job is that close to home and see our everyday lunch together (we pray b4 meals)  as a real 'quality time' blessing.

If we moved and she took a new job, we'd almost certainly miss that.

That lunch together and her five weeks vacation a year make my retired life so much better than it would otherwise be.

Even though I sometimes basically do little to nothing productive all day, she never comes home asking:"What did you do today??" in a 'counting' sort of way.

We're both Roman Catholic and it works. We have two main Catholic churches (the Cathedral and our neighborhood church) that we may attend, but we also occasionally go to churches as diverse as Pentecostal,  where amongst the hand clapping and hallelujahs, they might speak in tongues, to a big almost corporate media like non denominational 'church' with thousands of attendees spread out from not just the main center, but into satellites-campus like churches--thousands of people.

So like we handle the gossipy local Filipino community 'social events'-- we aren't overly committed to one church, events or group of people.

Or we might stay home and not attend any church-- social events for weeks at a time.

We go out on 'dates' just her and I, at least once a week.

No kids makes that an easier situation, but my 1st (failed) marriage taught me how important 'couple only' time is. We don't even double date--it's just US.

Her and I against the world. Hey, we love y'all, but at the end of the day, it's just me and her!!

She reminds me if I don't care for the preacher, priest or message/sermon, that it's not about the person/s or the building, or even neccesarily 'being there'--its what's in your heart and mind.

And that:

Going into a church "no more makes you a Christian than does you going into a garage makes you into a car"

She 'walks the walk' with minimal talk and when it comes to giving and sharing, doing volunteer work and just in general, feels that we shouldn't 'count too much' not be overly proud or boastful if we do good deeds, something she basically does every day.

Bad moods are rare and fleeting. ill spoken words equally rare.

She doesn't even realize the calming effect, the extra qualities of life she brings, like a warm, soothing light, into every room she enters.

Amazing woman, born with a smile.

Sorta keeps me 'in check' in the best way possible,  because she's not overly judgemental and when we do have a little spat, she gets over it soooo quickly that it's amazing.

Not that she's remotely dumb, simple or one to just forget my bigger, uh 'mistakes'---she just doesn't hold stuff over my head.

THAT'S something that really helps our marriage,  because I am in need of her forgiveness wayyy too often.

When I asked her Dad (and brothers) for her hand 16 years ago, he said:

"Yes, but with two conditions. One,  you try and keep GOD in the center. Two, if she's not happy,  send her home"

Easier said than done, but against the odds, we're making it work!!

[benjio]

Robert,

One of the best habits I picked up in Colombia is using lemon or lime in coffee. In the U.S. it’s unheard of, and I’d imagine the citrus compliments the higher acidity of mountain grown coffees like you find in Colombia, but after I figured out how good it is I never used dairy or any nut or soy based imitation of a dairy product in my coffee again. Se llama un tinto!!!! 

[Elexpatriado]

Colombians are religious

Pablo Escobar prayed all the time. When the sicarios shot Grizelda Blanco ( the Black Widow responsible for over 200 narco deaths) she was living mass.

Sicarios go to confession after their killings. Prepagos go to mass and pray for more and beter clients.

From my experience the hypocracy of the " converted" anglical Christians is no better.

[robert angel]

Colombians are religious

Pablo Escobar prayed all the time. When the sicarios shot Grizelda Blanco ( the Black Widow responsible for over 200 narco deaths) she was living mass.

Sicarios go to confession after their killings. Prepagos go to mass and pray for more and beter clients.

From my experience the hypocracy of the " converted" anglical Christians is no better.

Religion and despots are no strangers.

Hypocrisy finds fertile ground there too.

At one time I had a pretty big chip on my shoulder about organized religion,  especially Catholicism.

I went to a lot of different schools, always getting thrown out. My parents found a Catholic boarding school in Canada that promised:

"We NEVER throw out any boys, we REFORM them."

The alcoholic priests used to beat the living sh!t out of me for fun it seemed, and it took a lot of effort,  but I did get kicked out!

Then as an adult divorced, the church excommunicated me, so no wonder.

Later on in school, I endeavored to, but never did, write a paper about the wars, mass killings, tortures genocides and other atrocities committed in the name of God and religion.

But I realized that if I just covered a couple thousand years of Christianity, it'd be wayyyy too long a paper.

[robert angel]

I am religious.  I believe in God.

[benjio]

I am religious.  I believe in God.

Old man with a long beard that lives in the sky God or “There’s no way in hell all this came from nothing and the something it came from has to be sentient” God?

[robert angel]

Old man with a long beard that lives in the sky God or “There’s no way in hell all this came from nothing and the something it came from has to be sentient” God?

To me, it's bigger than words. Words have definitions that narrow the scope of "God". But to me God is, if I had to pick a word,  it'd be "love".

The 1st description sounds too stereotypical, 'hallmark card' like. 'Sentient' ( A great word) applies too much to intrinsically human like behavior in my eyes.

Santa Claus,  who supposedly "knows if you've been sleeping,  knows if you're awake, if you've been good or bad"--now HE sounds sentient to me!!

I figure it's not all angels, cotton candy clouds and  images of the 'pearly gates' that they're probably fanciful at best. A lot of us, probably almost all of us, have been very annoyed at  'God' in  no small number of ways, as marriages,  illnesses and life's tragedies unfold around us.

We certainly have plenty of 'free will' and while that and my decision making has gotten me into all kinds of hell, I honestly try (usually successfully) to think:

"It could be so much worse in so many ways".

I don't question our mortality for sure and feel that my 'number could be called' at anytime, that it's all a whole lot bigger than I know.

I guess

I guess I used to be more along the  lines of guys who had a mindset that reflected the line in the 1968 Blood Sweat & Tears rock song "And When I Die"---: "Swear there ain't no heaven, pray their ain't  no hell". I believed but didn't want to 'really believe" and I was sort of gambling, hedging my bets, assuming, hoping that if things ever got bad, or the times I did bad, that  'God' would/will be there on my side.

I only remembered to pray when I was in a really, really bad situation that was fixing to get a lot worse. When I was running my games and figuring I was winning, God was about the last thing on my mind.

I think God was always by my side--I just wasn't tuning in.

When I was younger, rolling fast and hard, 'living the life' I for sure didn't care much either-- I thought I was invincible.

And just because I tune in more nowadays, I don't think it earns me anymore 'bonus points' or favors from God compared to a non believer.  I am no better. I think there's that much love involved. It is what is, I figure--more than words can explain.

But I am in a pretty good place right now. If I lost it all--marriage, financial stability,  freedom from pain--ask me then about my views about God.

I hope my faith is as strong when the chips are down as when I'm sitting pretty like I am now---that's the REAL test

I don't believe in the stereotypical version of 'hell' either, all that 'fire and brimstone' stuff.

And it's all different for everyone.  I am not one to preach and I am loathe to assume that I know about God's 'word' intent or message. I don't have any inside track, not one way or another.

People who claim to really 'know' and who say things like "God will ___"  that really annoys me. I really can't speak for anyone else outside of my immediate family, never mind speak for God.

I am no religious scholar, but from what I've seen, from the Bible/s, Torah and Koran, as well as most faiths in general, they're more the same than different. Of course there are exceptions, but most have  similar codes of conduct and similar beliefs about after life.

It's mankind that has picked them apart over thousands of years, trying to create divides and conflict.

This world, this mess we've gotten ourselves into, really does make me wonder sometimes.  But meanwhile, I'll try to keep my faith.