ZKG said:Nice report! However I am most certain that this also applies to any ethnic denomination. Get the species of hens together and they will 'cluck' all day! With a bastard rooster to see to their needs! One thing I learned was that never get in the middle. Case in point: My novia was going in for a hysterectomy. Its a pretty involved procedure and she was scared and told me she would like to talk to her sister. Me being the loving BF, contact the sister. Long story short, the surgery got cancelled. Last week I told my novia I had prompted her sister to call. I received the 3rd degree for even thinking about it!
Amen to what ZKG is saying. And the behavior of Filipinos pinoys (males) and pinays (females) again, Filipinos, both here and abroad, IS different than other cultures/nation's.
My family, especially my extended family (1st cousins, etc) covers many races, religions, some 'fresh off the boat' (recently Iran, Thailand & Philippines) other nations, cultures, races, religions further back.
Similarities between Filioinos and say, Mexico, C. & S. America? Like in the Philippines, in parts of the Americas below the lower 48 USA, most people assume if you're a gringo, you're rich. If you loan money, it's a actually best you consider it a 'gift'-- after all, if you could loan it, you really didn't need it. To ask, never mind get pushy by asking twice to be repaid, may well that'd paint you as a selfish, mean spirited unchristian person. And they'd tell others just how cheap, greedy and un 'Christian' you are. That's your 'repayment-gratitude'!
Another similarity, is language. My wife's gotten pretty good, but occasionally I've realized that terms I used, including some'words', that they have gone not understood, and this is for years. Still happens occasionally. The words, the to her 'odd expression' didn't seem, 'sound' consequential enough, given the context, to warrant my wife asking for interpretation. But yet, there's 1000s of words she has asked me to clarify--usually words from a book she's reading. They were important to her grasping meaning that meant something to her.
My talk? She always 'got the gist' of it, enough to keep us both happy and as a working , understanding 98% of each of the other's conversation team.
She's a paradox of mushy, sentimental and very practical.
Slang? Fuggetaboutit....And many Filipinos will take slang at face value, interpreting things completely wrong and then passing your so called 'words' and statements even how they 'view' your behavior, along the 'bamboo pipeline' as the gospel truth. Then the next Filipino will add their 'twist' to their own interpretation. It's like a morphing topic.
My wife's family is a lot better with these dynamics than most Filipino's families, but like I said, our problems, small or the rare largish ones, are NEVER communicated to them, never mind to our few, closest friends. And while her few select friends are relatively good about privacy, THEY dish dirt to her about their husbands, sh!t that'd burn your ears.
She doesn't talk about our salary or $$$ figures, not even to family. It gets converted into their currency, their expenses, on and on. They're doing fine over there, but the concept that our phone bill is more than most mid level rent costs, about the same with other bills, ie insurances and more, just isn't accurately grasped.
If you make $23,000 here and tell them, that's a MILLION pesos and to most of Filipinos, it's like a USA citizen's concept of being a USA $$$ millionaire.
Their 'scaling's' wayyyy off. Totally, like so much language, 'lost in translation'..
Crab mentality....my sister in law has been very successful as a nurse in Dubai, adding certifications, moving up to higher paying, more prestigious clinics in just over two years there.
She lives with 5 people, an Auntie once removed, her 2 daughters (one also a nurse, but not nearly as successful, so tension there) another sister and a pinay friend of the family. All squeezed in together.
After 2 years, you think she's 'paid her dues' and now that she can afford her own place, could just 'move out'?
Not so easy. She won't tell them exactly how much she makes, (smart) but since they gave her a place, a base to stay, set up in Dubai, she can't move yet. Tradition.
That's just part of my wife's family in Dubai dynamics, but it's infinitely WORSE in the general Filipino population.
They have CRAB MENTALITY. That means if you have got something good over time, be it a husband, or maybe you got a degree and a good paying job from that degree, a nice car, designer brand stuff, etc., it's NOT FAIR. Others, like crabs, feel THEY should have it too.
I know it makes little sense, but it boils down to jealousy, resentment and hidden greed. They'll say, seeming sooo sincere, how happy they are for you, but they'll expect better gifts from you. Always more. And all the while, resenting and talking you down.
Either way, many will talk behind your back, try and undermine you, or figuratively, like crabs, climb on and over your back, 'throwing you under the bus' to get ahead like you. Taking bites, pieces of you along the way.
Seduce and screw your spouse to get some of 'that' too, if you're not careful.
Why should he be just YOUR pride? Surely she's (your so called friend) 'good enough' (in her mind) to see exactly how good a lover and provider you are. This is not the norm, not really common, but if you're not careful, it can happen!
A lot of Filipinas , again not the majority, but enough, are horny and love their husbands, but can't seem to be able to resist the allure of 'affairs', affairs that destroy otherwise great marriages, AND families, kid's lives.
There are more pluses than minuses to Filipinos and Fil Am marriage dynamics. I've written too long already, but I have barely scratched the surface.
Over 25 years married to two Filipinas, two sons raised semi involved in the Fil Am community (thank God they got into good schools, are successful like their Mom, Stepmom and me, or we'd be secretly scorned) ---for all those years and I'm still learning, peeling new layers off the onion.
Interpersonal dynamics, religion and not so scientific/religious beliefs--I'll NEVER get it all. It's impossible.
Many won't talk about superstitions, alternative medicines they might even label as 'quack' and that includes educated, materially well off Filipinos.
Better to 'roll with it' enjoy the good, (and compared to most USA style dynamics, it's very good) and just occasionally roll my eyes and not get hung up on stuff I really don't and never will have a full grip on.
I'm just damn glad my wife isn't all caught up in 'socializing', going to events, or compelled to try and impress on social media. Others make a dish, get a new outfit, go on vacation, they HAVE to post/brag, often praising God for specially blessing them. Like their spouse or BF/s, lovers--"see how good he IS to ME--he treats me like a QUEEN!"
But how a lot of Filipinos view God, the blessings, the unfortunate events and interpersonal behavior, is a lot more complex than here.
That said, as a whole, they're still usually much more God fearing than most in the USA. It's just that for some, the 'guidelines' are blurred.
Sad, but true example. Last week, a Filipina we know, who has 4 young kids and a native USA BF---a nice, decent looking guy who bought her a new car, pays rent on a 5 bedroom home in a gated community for them put braces on one, pay college for another, this bitch, a disgrace to even 90% of Filipinas, well, you probably get the idea already.
This woman is at Catholic mass, 8AM every Sunday, with her 4 kids, has prayer meetings at her home.
She is having an affair at work with a married white guy, just a little higher up the 'food chain'. Enough to boost her aging ego.
This c_nt bought a ring she says is her 'engagement ring' from lover, BF#1 and (you can't make sh!t like this up) bought online flowers for HERSELF, telling all at work that they were sent by a 'secret admirer'.
The guy she's fooling around with, will dump her, but she'll lose both guys, and the best guy, 'Dad figure' and meal ticket her kids ever met. Horrible, but true.
You could count on 1 hand and have fingers left over, for the number of pinays my wife will go out to lunch or go out on a day trip with.
Other invites, she gives the very acceptable excuse: "Rob and I already had plans, but thank you".
And going out with her 'real' friends? Only AFTER asking my 'permission', which is a wonderful, but unnecessary 'formality'. Then she explains to me: "Honey, I'd rather US do something, but it's Beverly's birthday...Why should I say "no"?
By rarely having to say NO, it means when I DO, it's got MEGApower when I do. She actually LIKES it, even if I do get a brief pout once in a while.
And birthdays are HUGE events to them, so if it's someone close, I'll say "Of course honey, she's a good person and friend--have fun, get a nice gift for her too"
A lot of Filipinas here buy a new car, (and it HAS to be NEW) then they have the Priest give it a special blessing, the 'Holy Water' mini wash--get the picture?
Again, it's amazing, so complex how Filipino's relationship with 'God' unfolds, but the way many will profusely "Thank God" is more often thinly misconstruing their true message: "I am sooo good, see how God takes care of me?"
My wife got a beautiful pearly white sports edition Toyota Camry sports edition. She'd been holding onto a 1997, (yes 97 Camry) for too long. Honestly, I was the one feeling embarrassed. But she refused to let me buy her a new one, as the old one was running fine, so I surprised her. Had to, otherwise it'd be another "Next year, sweetie, I'm fine, and it's paid for"
Yea, but I bought and paid for it in full, back in 2005!!
She refused to post anything about it.
I mentioned it might take months, because we go to few events, and it's been cold, we don't go out much unless it's dates, movies, trips, just her and I, but that eventually, they'd see it and 'talk about it'.
I'm sure they did and still do. They probably are saying she went from a 5 year payment plan to a 7 year one and we are broke!
Or that I have more money than I need, that I was cheap all those years--awful me, with sexy, fit, much younger wife, and me just saving, denying her.
There's not much in the middle terms of material things and Filipinos in the USA
Besides, if she told them how we saved, then paid it off with one check, they'd probably come up with some story that I HAD to buy it to make up for something awful I did. ' Hush' money, to avoid fighting, divorce, essentially a bribe.
Even if that WERE the case, I'd rather burn the money than pay, like some man worm...
I told her "Honey, they'll find out about your car eventually anyhow, and hopefully your quiet modesty will be a good example"
So many Filipinos hate other Filipinos having more of anything than they do, including the more intrinsic things, like health, happiness and spouses who value each other.
Yea, it's OK to be friendly with people, but as a wise old GF once told me:
Never count as REAL friends, any number of people that's more than the number of fingers you have on one hand.
Otherwise, especially in the Filipino community, gossip may turn into conspiracies and you'll find friendships failing and factions forming around you both, potentially dividing you.
