New gringo here. Hi, all.

[Elexpatriado]

Thank you for the advice and your time,  Calipro.

My father figure was my uncle, and while I spent a lot of time around him, I was raised by my grandmother.

I've found out that no woman could ever love me as much as my grandmother. I would say not even my mother loved me as much. 'Mom' was a kid when she had me and left before I even started school.

As far as the gringas are concerned,  you're right. I haven't dated a whole lot of women,  but the women that i would have liked to date were not interested in me. I'm no athlete, and never was. Plus, most of them seemed like they wanted men who made more money than I ever will. The women that I did date,  I never felt the spark with them.  Most of my previous dates have either taken their anti-men aggression out on me, or they wanted me to be the only one working while they sat around and spent the money on themselves, and any other boyfriends that they had.

As to why I am looking for a wife,  I want to explore my options in Colombia. I always believed that I would find someone to marry, when the right one came along. Unfortunately,  while I was not looking, it seems that I got older. The dating scene here in the states has moved way beyond me, and our culture has changed so much that I barely recognize it anymore.

I don't believe that I can find a lady with traditional values here, anymore. I would like to find a woman who believes in traditional marriage, if that even exists now. I want a woman who will be my partner, and my equal, but will still let me be the man. I'm not looking for a boss, but at the same time I don't want a slave. 

I am looking for a woman who wants to form a family. However,  I'm not willing to overlook any red flags that might exist, to chase that dream.

I have the book 'The Rational Male' and I will read it soon.  I will look into getting the other book. Thanks again.

With all of the above being said,  I am not going down there with the assumption that I am going to find a wife immediately. I am going there to look and see what's available, and to possibly make a few connections that I can spend some time exploring. I realize that it will most likely be easy to fall in love immediately, or to get a sore neck from all of the 'sights', but I don't want to rush into anything without looking and paying for it later.

If nothing else happens, it will at least be a wonderful vacation filled,  hopefully,  with interesting experiences.

Thank you for your input as well,  Wildstubby. I'm of the mindset that I might try to sincerely make some changes, if warranted, based on the advice in the books because i know I'm far from perfect.

Good advice Cali.


Colombia is not a "traditional " society. Things have changed totallyafter the cartel days.

" they wanted me to be the only one working while they sat around and spent the money on themselves, and any other boyfriends that they had."

 Had to laugh at this one as this is VERY common in Colombia..we cal it the "Barrio Boy Syndrome" (BBS)
 
 
 Colombians and Colombian women are , or can be very materialistic  and Narcisist. Much more than North American women actually.There are some real bad ones out there. They are espescially drawn to the Cupido sites and the Marriage agencies, as they are the type drawn to foreighners..and not always for altruistic reasons.
 
 
 Just go to the facebook sites and see all,the selfies some of them post. Also, a lot of them are heavily into plastic surgery,extensions, makeup and of course they like to dress sexy. Keep very cautious of these type of women...espescially the ones that have had a very traumatic upbringing.They too will be quite interested in your financial assets, and maybe a US Visa...danger Will Robinson
 
 
 That being said your market value goes up substantially in Colombia, and you will have a  lot more women available for you when you are there. The trick is to separate the wheat from the chaff, to find the diamond in the rough
 
 
 Your big advantage is your age. You say "North" of 40. If you are in your early 40s that is good.
 
 
 Your big disadvantages is your lack of Spanish fluency, and naivity ,lack of international travel experience, and relations with women in general.
 
 
 Read Jamie´s website on "Colombian women" in general Lots of good info. there.. Also read this posting from a few years back
 
 
 http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=7704.msg113127#msg113127
 
 
 Also, Read the post a while back where a poster here -Benjio- highlighted his experience with a LOT of Americans who brought there women to the states, and it didnt work out...he figures only a third of the relationships lasted more than 2 years , for one reason or another,
 
 
 Keep in mind, when the woman is brought to the US, here options and opportunities are expanded dramatically. This is where hypergamic "monkey Branching" can quickly occur.


We have several guys on this site that have brought several women back to the US and i t dint work out long term. Luckily there didnt seem to be too much financial or emotional damage (mainly due to "Luck".


The best thing to do would be not to bring a woman to the US, but live in Colombia, like I do. However a lot of guys are unable to work remotely, and cant afford to retire well off while young. Also the draconian Colombian tax laws (wherther or not they choose to actualy enforce them)are scaring away a lot of new expats from coming down more than 183 days a year.
Whatever you do..take your time, measure twice (or 10 times) and cut once.
 
 
 
"

[robert angel]

Good advice Cali.


Colombia is not a "traditional " society. Things have changed totallyafter the cartel days.

" they wanted me to be the only one working while they sat around and spent the money on themselves, and any other boyfriends that they had."

 Had to laugh at this one as this is VERY common in Colombia..we cal it the "Barrio Boy Syndrome" (BBS)
 
 
 Colombians and Colombian women are , or can be very materialistic  and Narcisist. Much more than North American women actually.There are some real bad ones out there. They are espescially drawn to the Cupido sites and the Marriage agencies, as they are the type drawn to foreighners..and not always for altruistic reasons.
 
 
 Just go to the facebook sites and see all,the selfies some of them post. Also, a lot of them are heavily into plastic surgery,extensions, makeup and of course they like to dress sexy. Keep very cautious of these type of women...espescially the ones that have had a very traumatic upbringing.They too will be quite interested in your financial assets, and maybe a US Visa...danger Will Robinson
 
 
 That being said your market value goes up substantially in Colombia, and you will have a  lot more women available for you when you are there. The trick is to separate the wheat from the chaff, to find the diamond in the rough
 
 
 Your big advantage is your age. You say "North" of 40. If you are in your early 40s that is good.
 
 
 Your big disadvantages is your lack of Spanish fluency, and naivity ,lack of international travel experience, and relations with women in general.
 
 
 Read Jamie´s website on "Colombian women" in general Lots of good info. there.. Also read this posting from a few years back
 
 
 http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=7704.msg113127#msg113127
 
 
 Also, Read the post a while back where a poster here -Benjio- highlighted his experience with a LOT of Americans who brought there women to the states, and it didnt work out...he figures only a third of the relationships lasted more than 2 years , for one reason or another,
 
 
 Keep in mind, when the woman is brought to the US, here options and opportunities are expanded dramatically. This is where hypergamic "monkey Branching" can quickly occur.


We have several guys on this site that have brought several women back to the US and i t dint work out long term. Luckily there didnt seem to be too much financial or emotional damage (mainly due to "Luck".


The best thing to do would be not to bring a woman to the US, but live in Colombia, like I do. However a lot of guys are unable to work remotely, and cant afford to retire well off while young. Also the draconian Colombian tax laws (wherther or not they choose to actualy enforce them)are scaring away a lot of new expats from coming down more than 183 days a year.
Whatever you do..take your time, measure twice (or 10 times) and cut once.
 
 
 
"

 
"""" Keep very cautious of these type of women...espescially the ones that have had a very traumatic upbringing""""

My first wife was an orphan. She had a horrific childhood. A potential spouse coming from terrible childhood just presents too much risk IMO. It never really goes away. My ex never really was able to develop true emotional bonds with people, she's more into 'things'.

My childhood certainly wasn't out of 'Ozzie and Harriet' or 'Leave it to Beaver' but I was always an "I'd rather do in myself, anybody (authority) who doesn't like it, can go f___k off!" kind of kid. Still am, as an adult. Looking back at how crafty I thought I was, in some very wild endeavors, I suppose at best I had  50-50 chance between prison or college.

Like the song goes--"I was born in a crossfire hurricaine, and I howled at the morning driving rain,  but it's all right now--in fact it's a gas, but it's all right, I'm jumping jack flash, it's a gas, gas, gas...." Born into it, it was all I knew and I rode it out.

Thankfully, I ended up in college--a lot of my buddies ended up in prison, brain dead and/or just dead. But at the time, I enjoyed it all immensely, so other than authorities occasionally trying to reform me (which I blew off) and the occasional paddling, whipping, which I more than deserved, it was a lot of wicked fun. Never felt as alive as I did when I was living on the edge.  I'd do 99% of it all over again, given the chance, except I'd get caught even less!

But had I been beaten a lot, sexually abused, had addicted parents, it well could've turned out differently. My parents were too busy with politics, protests and organizing activities with colorful people and also with their work, that left them not having a whole lot of time for me, which seemed like a bonus. To their credit, they loved and  in their way, cared for me, I just didn't care for the attention then.  There was no malice or abuse involved, it was what it was, fairy common given the times.

I guess still having some of those traits has been unfortunate for my wife...

I think she just pretends everyday is "Be kind to animals day" and I'm granted yet another day in her lovely, good graces.

But anybody, male or female who's been repeatedly traumatized during childhood, and/or is excessively vain physically and will manipulate you for material gain--they're bad news.

It may take you a while to see it too.

If they have some of the above bad characteristics by age 18 and beyond, run.

I felt sorry for my 1st wife and her childhood situation. But never marry someone because to a considerable degree you feel sorry for her.

Don't marry someone because you feel they have potential, because whether or not you can grasp the reality of who and what they really are, THAT's what you're gonna get.

[Calipro]

Good stuff to read Calipro. However, I don't think I could make the changes without them being sincere. Maybe I should read them for an unbiased judgement. However, I consider my searching days are finished. Is it good material for 'after the dating period' is finished?

The rational male is a worthwhile read even if you are in a relationship although a lot of the book is geared towards guys that are dating. It is really a pretty harsh reality check for some guys....I would just like to add that a lot of what women do in relationships is not really a conscious decision on their part.


Probably the most important aspect of the book is about the different way women love men vs how men love women. Once you understand that....you are light years ahead of the average guy when it comes to relationships.

[fathertime]

I am heading to Jamie's agency on Thursday and will be down there for a couple weeks. He has been super helpful so far and, based on being in business for so long, really has a good process down. Many posters here are veterans and have been very willing to offer advice on their "been there, done that" experience. Everyone has their opinion, but I think the agency is not a bad option due to limited time to be down there. If I was able to work remotely and live there for months, I doubt I would look at an agency as an option. I've promised many a trip report following my visit and will do that shortly after my return.

Good luck, it sounds like you must be in the midst of your trip to Jamie's right now.  Probably covered in oil getting massages, eating grapes, and drinking wine from from some babe's shoe! Enjoy!
 


Fathertime!