Seeking advice from survivors!!

[benjio]

.....we were all convinced had some kind of bruja spell on him. She wasn't even that great looking and she was milking him like a cow and treating him like a slave.

If she was milking him like a cow in more ways than one the spell probably wasn't the problem. 

[robert angel]

When I'm overseas in a 3rd world country, I try not to stick out too much. I dress decent and clean, but while I'm not rich, I try not to talk about money. I tend to downplay my home, car, salary, net worth and standard of living. I don't discuss many details about my family, other than that we get along well.

As said, we tend to go over there bearing expensive gifts, treating them to resorts, pricey restuarants etc. That's not sustainable, although they may very well expect it to be.

It's often worth while when you meet a woman you're seriously considering, giving your travel expense money budgeted for your trip and observing first hand how she handles the money. Might cost you more upfront, but save you a ton later if you find she spends irresponsibly.

If her not knowing that you make a decent income and live fairly well is a hinderance, you probably don't want to get serious with her.

It's reasonable for her to want to know if you have a stable job, but beyond that, it can be dangerous, as she almost can't grasp how different,  how much less a USD actually gets in the US compared to in her country.

I know that to me when traveling overseas, especially when the exchange rate is in our favor, I sometimes handle and spend money like it's monopoly bucks--an air of unreality sets in. But if it was someone ELSE's money I handling, it'd be different.

I think that both parties have always married hoping for better things to come as a result, including lifestyle, but once people have an idea of how well off the other person is before marriage, it over rides how they weigh other aspects of who and what you really are., including negative chracteristics. All of a sudden, your farts don't smell so bad. But those negative characteristics will eventually grate on her. That's why you see young, total foxes marrying feeble old, limp dicked guys who are mega wealthy.  Think of the classic old Eagle's song "Lyin Eyes".

"City girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich old man
And she won't have to worry
She'll dress up all in lace and go in style
Late at night a big old house gets lonely
I guess every form of refuge has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her love is only
Given to a man with hands as cold as ice
So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who's feelin' down
But he knows where she's goin' as she's leavin'
She is headed for the cheatin' side of town"

Re. that Military man who got taken to the cleaners by a Peruvian woman with two kids, like many relationships gone bad, I always remember lines from the great Bob Seger song, '"Against the Wind"

"And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it never would end
I remember how she held me oh-so-tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then"

[Elexpatriado]

You are giving the Colombianos way too much credit. My brothers-in-law were living large dating high school girls but eventually even they succumbed. One of them married this woman that we were all convinced had some kind of bruja spell on him. She wasn't even that great looking and she was milking him like a cow and treating him like a slave.

Yes it happens to them to. And other foreigners besides gringos.

[robert angel]

Yes it happens to them to. And other foreigners besides gringos.

It happens. It took four years to take full effect, but despite my chanting: "No, no, no----She's too young, too pretty, too well educated too nice, nobody can be THAT low maintainance for very long"--- eventually I succumbed to her spell.

https://www.google.com/search?q=frank+sinatra+witchcraft&oq=frank+sinatra+witchcraft&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.13810j0j4&client=tablet-android-samsung&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

To think we'd be married close to 16 years now had I not dragged my feet, blows my mind.

[TechGromit]

I guess the thing that would scare me the most sending money to her mom/relatives every month would be the exchange rate. Today the exchange rate is around 3,000 pesos to the dollar, and was  low as 1,600 pesos (2008) to the dollar.  If they get used to a set income every month from you and the exchange rate changes, the 600k allowance you send, could easily double how many dollars you have to budget for every month.  I'm sure they are not going to want to hear you can't send the same because the exchange rate changed.

P.S. I hope they don't start asking me calculus or differential equation questions for the Math verification.

[Neoblk40]

Elexpatriado, I hear you. Sometimes things get lost in translation writing as opposed to face to face chat, but i understand what you mean. We all have a little jamaican in us mon.


Very interesting ideas on how to deal with getting married to a colombian and not loosing everything. I'm going to have to parse all this good information into a file for my records before i make some moves.


It seems it's just something i'll have to learn while i got boots on the ground.  All this advice will help, but I'll have to say, I have some things tying my down in american that i'd first have to deal with. I'm definitely not looking for a gorgeous, lazy, pretty face type of wife.  I've had lots of fun over the years with beautiful girlfriends.  A good looking (doesn't have to be gorgeous) potential wife that wants to settle down to make a family would be right up my ally. 


Wish me luck!

[Neoblk40]

Good point Tech.  I totally like the idea of wifey getting a job and working to send her parents money and I just take care of her and my families needs.  This way she can see the value of how much she's sending vs how much things cost here in the US. See I'm learning.

[Neoblk40]

Robert, it must have been your patience that granted you a successful 16 years long marriage. That's quite an accomplishment.  As they say in carpentry, measure twice or thrice and cut once. 4 years maybe 3 sounds like a good time to wait to truly get to know someone especially if she's overseas. Maybe less idk. Taking your time MUST avoid many mistakes.  Well noted. 

[mambocowboy]

Robert, it must have been your patience that granted you a successful 16 years long marriage. That's quite an accomplishment.  As they say in carpentry, measure twice or thrice and cut once. 4 years maybe 3 sounds like a good time to wait to truly get to know someone especially if she's overseas. Maybe less idk. Taking your time MUST avoid many mistakes.  Well noted. 

As far as getting to know someone, living together is by far the best way.

[vikingo]

I keep seeing suggestions on this board about irreversible trusts or having her sign a pre-nuptial agreement. First of all, if you bought a property many years ago but are still making mortgage or car payments only the equity you had accumulated before marriage is solely yours, the increased value of the property over the years becomes community property. In any event you want to hang on to documentation of your equity before marriage. Every state has different divorce laws, familiarize yourself with the law of your State, you can google it. In many divorce cases her friends will recommend an attorney who is out for blood and he will ask the Judge to set aside (ignore) a pre-nuptial or irreversible trust, demonstrating the divorcee is now going to be a burden of the State, being left out in the cold without qualifications to find a job or lacks language skills to continue a life she is accustomed to. You will be pretty well at the mercy of the Judge and how sharp your attorney is, you are also more at risk in liberal coastal States.
There are nine community property States in the US, where everything accumulated during marriage is divided 50/50. Colombia has adapted the same law for the entire country, except if she can prove that she lived with you for two years or more without marriage or a 'Unión Libre' agreement, half your accumulated assets during the two years or more become hers. I doubt very much that a Colombian Judge will pay attention to a pre-nuptial or any kind of trust and leave one of his citizens out in the cold. also keep in mind that judges in LA countries can be bought by either side (through your attorney or hers) for a couple of grand or more depending on the amount at stake.
I am not an attorney but the only surefire way I can see in the States is to put title of your property in the name of a family member you can trust, so you don't own anything, except stuff like furniture and appliances or an older car. I am not a friend of lies but you can't tell her of course that the house or new car is yours. This title change would have to be done at least a year in advance of the marriage. The Courts will set aside recent changes.
Should you shack up or get married in Colombia, the only sure way to hang on to your major assets is keeping them out of the country, Colombian Courts can't touch them. It has been tried though in cases of lots of wealth involved by a couple of sharp attorneys who set up shop in Colombia. They mysteriously disappeared from the scene of the crime though and it is assumed that they fell victims to sicarios (hired assassins).
If you want to do something for her after your death and she has been a good girl, you can always put her in your will.

[benjio]

It has been tried though in cases of lots of wealth involved by a couple of sharp attorneys who set up shop in Colombia. They mysteriously disappeared from the scene of the crime though and it is assumed that they fell victims to sicarios (hired assassins).

I wonder if this was an isolated incident that we've both heard something about at one point or another, or if it happens often enough to have evolved pass the level of urban legends. Either way I have heard of a moderately wealthy European Gentleman who was with a Colombian Girl for a while. They may have even had children. When they split he kind of left her high and dry...and if I recall correctly it was her fault. Cheating and/or stealing from him. Something of that nature. Anyway, some big shot lawyer convinced her they could get a hold of some of his assets back in Europe because of his business interest in Latin America. I guess whoever the lawyer was, he was building a legitimate case so he ended up disappearing. In the story I heard the girl was not harmed but needless to say she had no more interest in pursuing the case any further.

[Elexpatriado]

I keep seeing suggestions on this board about irreversible trusts or having her sign a pre-nuptial agreement. First of all, if you bought a property many years ago but are still making mortgage or car payments only the equity you had accumulated before marriage is solely yours, the increased value of the property over the years becomes community property. In any event you want to hang on to documentation of your equity before marriage. Every state has different divorce laws, familiarize yourself with the law of your State, you can google it. In many divorce cases her friends will recommend an attorney who is out for blood and he will ask the Judge to set aside (ignore) a pre-nuptial or irreversible trust, demonstrating the divorcee is now going to be a burden of the State, being left out in the cold without qualifications to find a job or lacks language skills to continue a life she is accustomed to. You will be pretty well at the mercy of the Judge and how sharp your attorney is, you are also more at risk in liberal coastal States.
There are nine community property States in the US, where everything accumulated during marriage is divided 50/50. Colombia has adapted the same law for the entire country, except if she can prove that she lived with you for two years or more without marriage or a 'Unión Libre' agreement, half your accumulated assets during the two years or more become hers. I doubt very much that a Colombian Judge will pay attention to a pre-nuptial or any kind of trust and leave one of his citizens out in the cold. also keep in mind that judges in LA countries can be bought by either side (through your attorney or hers) for a couple of grand or more depending on the amount at stake.
I am not an attorney but the only surefire way I can see in the States is to put title of your property in the name of a family member you can trust, so you don't own anything, except stuff like furniture and appliances or an older car. I am not a friend of lies but you can't tell her of course that the house or new car is yours. This title change would have to be done at least a year in advance of the marriage. The Courts will set aside recent changes.
Should you shack up or get married in Colombia, the only sure way to hang on to your major assets is keeping them out of the country, Colombian Courts can't touch them. It has been tried though in cases of lots of wealth involved by a couple of sharp attorneys who set up shop in Colombia. They mysteriously disappeared from the scene of the crime though and it is assumed that they fell victims to sicarios (hired assassins).
If you want to do something for her after your death and she has been a good girl, you can always put her in your will.

Now you are creating legends Vikingo. Dick Dickersen and his Dicks  are still around.


They just gave up on the whole idea (going after your US or overseas assets from Colombia) because it was so ludicrous and impractical. Like French kissing a snake an not expecting to get bit. Or having an African migrant stow away in the landing gear of a jet liner and becoming and claiming refugee status in the US.


Sure theoretically possible , but as likely as a camel going through the eye of a needle.

[Elexpatriado]

Now you are creating legends Vikingo. Dick Dickersen and his Dicks  are still around.


They just gave up on the whole idea (going after your US or overseas assets from Colombia) because it was so ludicrous and impractical. Like French kissing a snake an not expecting to get bit. Or having an African migrant stow away in the landing gear of a jet liner and becoming and claiming refugee status in the US.

Or DIAN seizing your overseas assets-

Sure theoretically possible , but as likely as a camel going through the eye of a needle.

[Elexpatriado]

I wonder if this was an isolated incident that we've both heard something about at one point or another, or if it happens often enough to have evolved pass the level of urban legends. Either way I have heard of a moderately wealthy European Gentleman who was with a Colombian Girl for a while. They may have even had children. When they split he kind of left her high and dry...and if I recall correctly it was her fault. Cheating and/or stealing from him. Something of that nature. Anyway, some big shot lawyer convinced her they could get a hold of some of his assets back in Europe because of his business interest in Latin America. I guess whoever the lawyer was, he was building a legitimate case so he ended up disappearing. In the story I heard the girl was not harmed but needless to say she had no more interest in pursuing the case any further.

Urban Legend. Total BS


I am going to tel you guys a secret-


I am still "Married" on paper to a Colombiana, and I have absolutely no fear of her or anyone else going after my assets..dont lose a wink of sleep overnight


As a matter of fact, working in the oilpatch, I new of guys "married" to 4 or 5 different girls in different countries, and it never phased them a bit.


Only an idiot lawyer with nothing else to do would waste his time and money on this.

You would have to spend 100s of thousands to get anywhere at all

[benjio]

Urban Legend. Total BS


I am going to tel you guys a secret-


I am still "Married" on paper to a Colombiana, and I have absolutely no fear of her or anyone else going after my assets..dont lose a wink of sleep overnight


As a matter of fact, working in the oilpatch, I new of guys "married" to 4 or 5 different girls in different countries, and it never phased them a bit.


Only an idiot lawyer with nothing else to do would waste his time and money on this.

You would have to spend 100s of thousands to get anywhere at all

Always sounded a bit far-fetched to me as well. You hear stories like this all the time in Colombia though.


Let me be the first to say I'm surprised as hell you're married to a Colombiana regardless of the circumstances though Expat. Was this a past relationship that didn't work out? A female friend that desperately needed a visa? Don't leave us hanging here. Details MAN!! 

[Elexpatriado]

The first.

I dont sell visas.