Seeking advice from survivors!!

[Neoblk40]

So you've gone to baranquilla or other places in colombia and found your dream girl.  You brought your wife back to the US and got married.  I'm calling out to the guys that made it happen and were successful.  I've never seen an aftermath post, so i thought i'd put one out there to see if this is a successful venture. How's life going with your foreign bride 1yr 2yrs or even 5 years and beyond? Was it everything you expected it to be? Any regrets that newbies like myself should be looking out for? And if you didn't make it are  you going to go back and try again?

[mambocowboy]

Great question. My wife and I made it to 5 years in May this year. I could write a book about this....my advice to guys starting out: find out what experience she's had with foreign men, if she has any girlfriends who have such experiences, get to know her family...if she doesn't like to cook you will spend a fortune on restaurants (My wife likes cooking thankfully)...what are her religious beliefs and are they consistent with yours? Do you both agree on whether or not to have kids? Is her family economically dependent on her? Will they depend on money from you? ...colombianas are horny af: the expectation is you will rise to the occasion daily....what is she going to do when she gets to your city? How will she stay busy? Where will she meet new friends? I could list more but have to go...lots for a man to think about....

[Neoblk40]

Thanks for the reply mambocowboy. That sure is a lot to think about for sure, but i'm sure it was worth the trouble.  Did you meet her through Jamie's agency or otherwise?

[mambocowboy]

Thanks for the reply mambocowboy. That sure is a lot to think about for sure, but i'm sure it was worth the trouble.  Did you meet her through Jamie's agency or otherwise?

I met my wife through Latin American Cupid. Even though I consider our 5 year marriage in the US a "success,"  we've had plenty of ups and downs and it hasn't  been easy.  My advice is based on my own experiences plus my observations of the other gringo-colombiana couples I've met....

[robert angel]

So you've gone to baranquilla or other places in colombia and found your dream girl.  You brought your wife back to the US and got married.  I'm calling out to the guys that made it happen and were successful.  I've never seen an aftermath post, so i thought i'd put one out there to see if this is a successful venture. How's life going with your foreign bride 1yr 2yrs or even 5 years and beyond? Was it everything you expected it to be? Any regrets that newbies like myself should be looking out for? And if you didn't make it are  you going to go back and try again?

Very, very few guys here write about what it takes, what it has taken, to keep their marriages going. Even fewer, like almost none, even come back to say it didn't work out and the likely reasons why. A few years back, a guy named Jason, out of Tennessee, did a pretty good job here of laying out how their honeymoon quickly evolved into a trainwreck, with materialism and her family being two big issues.

That's really sad, as it could help tremendously if guys were more open.But probably,  some happily married guys are too busy and simply leave here, but I think most are too torn up, perhaps find it too embarassing to come back and describe how it all went down when it goes bad.

But honestly, I think that as least as much as in the USA, that probably less than half of these foreign  marriages last 5 or maybe10 years. Hopefully guys here can learn and fall on the good side of the statistics.

I described the slow death of my first 14 year long marriage to a foreigner (last two years separated) and it wasn't pretty, but writing about it was also a catharsis of sorts, letting me come to grips, rethinking how it all went down, seeing it more clearly and even learning a bit.

Before that, I dated a lot of Latinas imported to NYC and elsewhere I was living and in addition, my late Father's brothers all married Latinas, so I saw those dynamics growing up. Only one of my Uncles has (was) been able to make it last, although they went quite a few years married before divorcing by today's disposable marriage standards anyway.

Back then, lawyers couldn't legally advertise, never mind promise: "Divorces, starting at $100." For me, their wives, my Aunts, had  fiery temperments, which had appeal at first, but became too wearisome. My Uncles made good money and their wives (except the one still married to my last surviving Uncle) -spent it even faster. I remember one summer, when my Uncle came home from a long road trip, to find my Aunt had a big inground swimming pool put in the backyard. Surprise!!!--kaching!! Lordie, we had a lot of fun for years in that pool. Lots of lovely chica friends of my cousins for me to play with!!

But we called their marriages "Kisses and hand grenades". Jealously was also a factor. Insecurities and issues from women's young and even current lives might not be evident initially, but eventually become very evident. Skeletons and insecurities come out of the closet. Find out what makes her really tick, what her priorities are, where her loyalties lay, before the honeymoon. It takes time and putting together bits of information, like a puzzle.

My wife looks latina and due to the Spaniards occupying her nation for over 400 years, she actually has more Spanish blood, especially from her Father's side and some from one of her Mom's parents. But for almost 12 years now, we've made it work. And we knew each other four years before that, in touch almost every day. Spanish culture permeates their lives still today. Even their language, from social greeetings, to counting numbers, is in Spanish.Some significant cultural, religious similarities, mindsets, superstitions, etc.

The keys to our success thus far (having been married once before, I still tell myself: "Nothing lasts forever") have probably been picking our battles and not letting little annoyances become major blowouts. Being able to forgive and move on---no, not forget, but not holding grudges, is a huge, huge factor. You've gotta get over it and past it. Most of our fights are over after a nights sleep, or two, maybe three days top. Otherwise,  I just can't deal with coining home, knowing the sh!ts still gonna be flying. I need to know what I'm coming home to and it better be good.

 Can't say there's never been a lie, but really too few to even recall any specifically. That said, both of us might , and again extremely rarely,  simply not 'mention' something and these, sometimes called 'Lies of ommission" can be the very worst. What you DON'T know can hurt the most.

A lot of Latinas lie like it's second nature to the point where they might not even feel like it's a lie. And I'm not talking about what's for  dinner or your birthday.  Not all, but plenty seem to perpetuate a culture where lies of varying degrees are pretty much acceptable in their minds, as if in 'what they don't know won't hurt them, in fact it's better'--like they're giving you a dream, an alternative reality in some instances, as if they're doing you a good service.

Keeping a realistic handle on jealousy is a balancing act.. If my wife stopped being curious about 'other' women I work with, those from the past, my ex--just about the 'competition' period, it'd be bad, like she didn't care anymore. She does care and keeps an eye out, even telling me when women seem to 'like' me perhaps a bit too much, but it's not like a freaking death vigil, nothing she harps on. If your wife is always questioning you, it'll get bad. She may even assume you are when you aren't and have a 'revenge love affair.'

The guy not getting pissy and fed up with his wife's family dramas and not realizing they'll always go on and worse yet, will probably require  monetary infusions, that's important too. Accept it, while trying tactfully to moderate it.

God forbid she has a little boy from before you met her, chances are huge you'll always be number two and she'll spoil the 'little prince' in front of or behind your back.

Age diferences can take a toll--I've been very lucky on that count. Look at my avatar, if I was green, I'd be Shrek and she'd be a morena Fiona. You should see our bathing suits pics from this past 4th of July, well--hers anyway, LOL. I've beaten the odds thus far hugely there, but be careful what you wish for, ESPECIALLY if you take her to your country, where she'll inevitably meet some fast company, including hot divorcees, from her own country,  who'll offer her ALL kinds of 'advice'---like the advantages of divorce monetarily in the USA, how she CAN have it all...


Many couples reach a point where to where not only have they let their relationship get stale, but the wife has gotten a grasp of the language of her new country, has moved up in her job and makes enough money to the point where leaving her husband is financially possible and attractive at that, considering her other 'options'. Simply put, they don't really 'need' each other anymore. Money can be a cold, cold, thing.

That's one, perhaps the most significant reason why, if at all possible, you should live in her country if you're going to marry her. The dynamics switch much more to your favor. That said, keep in mind it'll be one hell of a daily temptation for you to keep your pants on in her country, as it's very likely that other women there will, shall we say, find  you 'very attractive and desirable.' That's just  one reason why my wife and her family always seem to want to accompany me whenever I run errands or leave the house in her country.

There's a million other things I've written about here in the past about what makes it work (or not work for us), as well as for family and friends we know. Children from a previous marriage creating strains deserves a whole chapter--maybe a book.

But what's helped us most besides my wife's wonderful, even tempermant, is that she still loves and cares for me in a tremendous way, probably because she pretends it's "Be kind to animals day" every day, and that usually gives our marriage a good chance of lasting yet another day.

And I love and appreciate her in at least a thousand ways. We still help and support each other, be it with our respective families, our work place situations and responsibilities--a lot of things. Importantly she puts up with my adult children and like when they were young, still discreetly offers advice.

No it ain't perfect, but I've been a lucky, lucky guy.

Wishing the best for you guys too, but not only look, but THINK before you leap....

[utopiacowboy]

I have been married for 14 years to a Colombiana from Medellin. I have broken every rule cherished by the members of Planet Love. I met her on a Latin dating site called amigos.com. I had a few other relationships with women I met on dating sites both in the US and in Latin America. I traveled to meet her after chatting by web cam and got married in Medellin in 2003. I love the women of Medellin - they are the hottest on earth. And the most enterprising lol!


She was a widow with three kids and I added them to my own four children to create a crazy chaotic happy family of seven children.


Advice? It helps to be patient. It helps to know her language and have an appreciation for some of the things that matter to almost every Colombiana like Latin music and dance.


My wife is a terrible cook and housekeeper but I don't care. I am happy to do the cooking and most of the household chores since I am retired and what else have I got to do?


She is still working as a production supervisor at the Toyota plant in San Antonio, Texas. We continue to speak Spanish to each other although her English is much improved.

[robert angel]

I have been married for 14 years to a Colombiana from Medellin. I have broken every rule cherished by the members of Planet Love. I met her on a Latin dating site called amigos.com. I had a few other relationships with women I met on dating sites both in the US and in Latin America. I traveled to meet her after chatting by web cam and got married in Medellin in 2003. I love the women of Medellin - they are the hottest on earth. And the most enterprising lol!


She was a widow with three kids and I added them to my own four children to create a crazy chaotic happy family of seven children.


Advice? It helps to be patient. It helps to know her language and have an appreciation for some of the things that matter to almost every Colombiana like Latin music and dance.


My wife is a terrible cook and housekeeper but I don't care. I am happy to do the cooking and most of the household chores since I am retired and what else have I got to do?


She is still working as a production supervisor at the Toyota plant in San Antonio, Texas. We continue to speak Spanish to each other although her English is much improved.

UC's got a great situation going, based on his years of contributions here. His lovely wife is able to work and live in a place in the USA where her ability to predominantly speak in Spanish is often a huge positive. A lot less pressure there. He has had a great relationship with, I wouldn't even call them 'her' kids, as it's been so long, I'd guess their mindset is 'their' kids, and she apparantly wasn't caught up in child rearing mindsets that often cause huge divisions in other couples.

I'd dare say they're different, that they defied the odds despite circumstances that if described beforehand, I would have given odds of 'slim to none' but again, they beat all odds, I'd guess because of the very fact that they are different than most folks. And very significantly, to stay together as long as they have, to raise kids to adulthood and then having enough income when staying together no being a 'necessity'--they've obviously got a lot of what I call 'sticktoitivness' going on. Hell, I bet they even love each other!

But what cracks be up is from what I recall, some times her biological kids, boys at that, seem to favor him!

Great example, but like mine thus far, more the exception than a common scenario, I'm afraid.

Reliving it and adding some hollywood embelishments, It'd probably make a great sitcom, a mix of the Brady Bunch and Modern Family, with some Texas mix thrown in for good measure LOL. You go, UC!

[mambocowboy]

Very, very few guys here write about what it takes, what it has taken, to keep their marriages going. Even fewer, like almost none, even come back to say it didn't work out and the likely reasons why. A few years back, a guy named Jason, out of Tennessee, did a pretty good job here of laying out how their honeymoon quickly evolved into a trainwreck, with materialism and her family being two big issues.

That's really sad, as it could help tremendously if guys were more open.But probably,  some happily married guys are too busy and simply leave here, but I think most are too torn up, perhaps find it too embarassing to come back and describe how it all went down when it goes bad.

But honestly, I think that as least as much as in the USA, that probably less than half of these foreign  marriages last 5 or maybe10 years. Hopefully guys here can learn and fall on the good side of the statistics.

I described the slow death of my first 14 year long marriage to a foreigner (last two years separated) and it wasn't pretty, but writing about it was also a catharsis of sorts, letting me come to grips, rethinking how it all went down, seeing it more clearly and even learning a bit.

Before that, I dated a lot of Latinas imported to NYC and elsewhere I was living and in addition, my late Father's brothers all married Latinas, so I saw those dynamics growing up. Only one of my Uncles has (was) been able to make it last, although they went quite a few years married before divorcing by today's disposable marriage standards anyway.

Back then, lawyers couldn't legally advertise, never mind promise: "Divorces, starting at $100." For me, their wives, my Aunts, had  fiery temperments, which had appeal at first, but became too wearisome. My Uncles made good money and their wives (except the one still married to my last surviving Uncle) -spent it even faster. I remember one summer, when my Uncle came home from a long road trip, to find my Aunt had a big inground swimming pool put in the backyard. Surprise!!!--kaching!! Lordie, we had a lot of fun for years in that pool. Lots of lovely chica friends of my cousins for me to play with!!

But we called their marriages "Kisses and hand grenades". Jealously was also a factor. Insecurities and issues from women's young and even current lives might not be evident initially, but eventually become very evident. Skeletons and insecurities come out of the closet. Find out what makes her really tick, what her priorities are, where her loyalties lay, before the honeymoon. It takes time and putting together bits of information, like a puzzle.

My wife looks latina and due to the Spaniards occupying her nation for over 400 years, she actually has more Spanish blood, especially from her Father's side and some from one of her Mom's parents. But for almost 12 years now, we've made it work. And we knew each other four years before that, in touch almost every day. Spanish culture permeates their lives still today. Even their language, from social greeetings, to counting numbers, is in Spanish.Some significant cultural, religious similarities, mindsets, superstitions, etc.

The keys to our success thus far (having been married once before, I still tell myself: "Nothing lasts forever") have probably been picking our battles and not letting little annoyances become major blowouts. Being able to forgive and move on---no, not forget, but not holding grudges, is a huge, huge factor. You've gotta get over it and past it. Most of our fights are over after a nights sleep, or two, maybe three days top. Otherwise,  I just can't deal with coining home, knowing the sh!ts still gonna be flying. I need to know what I'm coming home to and it better be good.

 Can't say there's never been a lie, but really too few to even recall any specifically. That said, both of us might , and again extremely rarely,  simply not 'mention' something and these, sometimes called 'Lies of ommission" can be the very worst. What you DON'T know can hurt the most.

A lot of Latinas lie like it's second nature to the point where they might not even feel like it's a lie. And I'm not talking about what's for  dinner or your birthday.  Not all, but plenty seem to perpetuate a culture where lies of varying degrees are pretty much acceptable in their minds, as if in 'what they don't know won't hurt them, in fact it's better'--like they're giving you a dream, an alternative reality in some instances, as if they're doing you a good service.

Keeping a realistic handle on jealousy is a balancing act.. If my wife stopped being curious about 'other' women I work with, those from the past, my ex--just about the 'competition' period, it'd be bad, like she didn't care anymore. She does care and keeps an eye out, even telling me when women seem to 'like' me perhaps a bit too much, but it's not like a freaking death vigil, nothing she harps on. If your wife is always questioning you, it'll get bad. She may even assume you are when you aren't and have a 'revenge love affair.'

The guy not getting pissy and fed up with his wife's family dramas and not realizing they'll always go on and worse yet, will probably require  monetary infusions, that's important too. Accept it, while trying tactfully to moderate it.

God forbid she has a little boy from before you met her, chances are huge you'll always be number two and she'll spoil the 'little prince' in front of or behind your back.

Age diferences can take a toll--I've been very lucky on that count. Look at my avatar, if I was green, I'd be Shrek and she'd be a morena Fiona. You should see our bathing suits pics from this past 4th of July, well--hers anyway, LOL. I've beaten the odds thus far hugely there, but be careful what you wish for, ESPECIALLY if you take her to your country, where she'll inevitably meet some fast company, including hot divorcees, from her own country,  who'll offer her ALL kinds of 'advice'---like the advantages of divorce monetarily in the USA, how she CAN have it all...


Many couples reach a point where to where not only have they let their relationship get stale, but the wife has gotten a grasp of the language of her new country, has moved up in her job and makes enough money to the point where leaving her husband is financially possible and attractive at that, considering her other 'options'. Simply put, they don't really 'need' each other anymore. Money can be a cold, cold, thing.

That's one, perhaps the most significant reason why, if at all possible, you should live in her country if you're going to marry her. The dynamics switch much more to your favor. That said, keep in mind it'll be one hell of a daily temptation for you to keep your pants on in her country, as it's very likely that other women there will, shall we say, find  you 'very attractive and desirable.' That's just  one reason why my wife and her family always seem to want to accompany me whenever I run errands or leave the house in her country.

There's a million other things I've written about here in the past about what makes it work (or not work for us), as well as for family and friends we know. Children from a previous marriage creating strains deserves a whole chapter--maybe a book.

But what's helped us most besides my wife's wonderful, even tempermant, is that she still loves and cares for me in a tremendous way, probably because she pretends it's "Be kind to animals day" every day, and that usually gives our marriage a good chance of lasting yet another day.

And I love and appreciate her in at least a thousand ways. We still help and support each other, be it with our respective families, our work place situations and responsibilities--a lot of things. Importantly she puts up with my adult children and like when they were young, still discreetly offers advice.

No it ain't perfect, but I've been a lucky, lucky guy.

Wishing the best for you guys too, but not only look, but THINK before you leap....

RA makes great points. Re: why you should live in her country: keep in mind the moment you marry her in the US (in California at least), she can leave you and you still have to financially support her the rest of your life,

 plus she's entitled to 50% of everything you own. And she might not realize that right away, but her Spanish speaking friends will let her know that the moment she complains to them about you. Not only that, they'll encourage her to divorce you, insisting she can do better....that's why caution is needed before marrying her, and one of many reasons why living in her country is financially safer for the man....

[robert angel]

While things have gone very well, I'd go back overseas if I had to do it all over again. But one thing that I'm glad of and I think, or hope anyways that the same holds true for the gal you single guys eventually pick, is she had her head on pretty good--she was well grounded and non materialistic from the start. So she isn't coveting all the things so rampant on places like farcebook and in the media overall. That said, in terms of material things, outside of shoes (in all fairness she shops sales there too) those are things we both have too much of. I hate shopping for shoes with women......

A dozen years in the states and while I know she loves them and perhaps it's a bit of a game, but I've had to talk her into letting me buy her things like an Apple watch and new iPhones, iPads etc. We've been talking for a few years now about getting her into a certified, low mileage Honda Accord, one that's just 2 or 3 years old and was driven by an old lady, but while she doesn't like payments, we might go for it---her 1997 Camry's been a reliable horse, but all things must pass---for cryin out loud, it's 21 years old... I'm kind of embarassed to see my beautiful, hardworking wife in such a beater auto, and she'd cry tears of joy for an orchid white Accord sedan--she's too practical for a sportier coupe--turns the idea down, and I'm glad, because she's so cute that'd really have her catching 'looks'.

I guess the one big change in her that costs $$$$$  is that she wants to travel. Although we've done a fair bit in the Americas, she wants to see Rome, Paris, Switzerland,  etc. But so do I and we eventually will together.

Credit cards are evil and many wives new to the USA will get into trouble there. My wife did once, not to an awful extent, but there was a lesson learned. She saw how some othrr people get in so deep that they're mainly paying off the interest fees, that the principal stays about the same. The plastic prison.

 You might think twice before letting her use credit cards when she goes home. They'll want to help their family, treat them to 'special' things, but aside from family, when they go home, people, friends etc., think because they have been living in the USA that they're automatically rich. It's really weird, like you're supposed to be rich like they see in movies and on TV or something....

But look at their family. Are they self supporting? Are they educated, or if need be, would helping them get a college degree make them self sufficient? Too many women have families that where once you bail them out, it seems that every week or month, they have another crisis that can only be averted by infusions of your hard earned cash.

 Evaluate the situation beforehand. Although it's not easy to do, if she's all about you giving her gifts, paying for her phone and Internet time/devices early on, chances are it runs in the family. Too many guys don't look hard enough at the woman's family and friends and those groups can reveal a whole lot about HER. We are all products of our upbringing and environment, so don't try to fool yourself otherwise.

I knew my wife was actually pretty frugal and that her family wasn't going to try and bleed me before we got married and that has changed very little. But again, if a woman doesn't have her values straight--her head screwed on well, life in the USA can really bring some huge changes, many of them  not too appealing.

Be careful about how the two of you choose your friends. Falling in with all the people from her country in your town is no wiser than buddying up with all the people from where you work. You can be nice to everyone, but choose who you consider a true 'friend' very carefully. Without any fights with others, our friends, our 'social circle' has actually gotten smaller over the years. We sometimes say "It's really just you and me". But we know everybody and I suppose we're thought of in pretty good terms, but we just don't mingle a whole lot.Best to stay away from the gossip.

Too many marriages break up over money, so being up front on what's reasonable and what's not before you get hitched and having an idea of her sensibilities, can save you a lot of grief.

[Neoblk40]

I'm loving the feedback guys!! I thought this forum was dead, but it's alive and well and gives me hope :-) I'll respond more thoroughly once I catch up on the posts.

[Neoblk40]

UC and RA, all I can say is WOW!!! You weren't joking when you said there's alot to think about. My family is from Aruba, Grenada and Trinidad which are all a bit close to Venezuela, just north of south america in the carribean sea.  So I know how that type of women can be.  Some of them are the same in my country and i'm afraid because of how close those countries are to America and the advent of TV and internet, it has definitely spoiled alot of those women as well, which is why I'm looking further south. I've actually had relatives try to marry me off to their daughters or cousins so that they can come into the country and then divorce right away just to come to america. Some actually come here on vacation and have a baby with someone they met the previous trip or something and boom, they somehow get to stay.  I don't even know the international laws pertaining to this, one of the many things i need to brush up on before i got searching for a wife.


But honestly, Robert thanks for sharing so much. I have to take more time than i originally had planned about bringing a wife here to the states. I actually want to bring a girl back to Florida since there are lots of spanish speaking people there.  I figured my spanish will be good enough by the time i make this happen by next year depending on how things go. And in addition that, i'm a regular in the salsa clubs.  One of the reasons without a doubt that i want to marry a foreign women is also because of the few encounters i've had with some of them in the club scene or in life in general when i've met girls that just came here from their latin country, they can be sooooo sweet and sincere, and absolutely beautiful, especially that one's that can dance.  Some of them, it's like they walked out of my dreams and onto the dance floor.  These days I've been getting too many that are married with kids and just want to go hang out and dance EVERY other week.  Eventually, it's like when am i going to actually have one of my own.


This one girl one time i will never forget how this girl danced so close to me when we danced bachata. I mean her breasts and pelvic area was right up on me. She totally caught me by surprise, i mean you don't expect that from a beautiful woman right away in NYC.  I thought maybe she was autistic or something.  When i realized she wasn't disabled, i thought she liked me. She didn't even warm up to it. And 10 min later when i finally realized what was going on, she was upset with me because she thought I didn't like her, cause i tried to keep my distance. I never got a chance to make it up to her that night cause she stayed upset, but later on i realized that she is just trying to get a green card.  My friends and I was celebrating a birthday so we had bottle service and a nice sitting area. Nevertheless, it's something i've learned to watch for. I'm going to be very careful and give it lots of time once i get to Baranquilla this year. 


UtopiaC, thanks for your input as well.  Damn, i hope florida doesn't have those laws about having to take care of your wife for the rest of her life if you marry her. I'm going to consult my lawyers at least 3 attorney's before doing anything cause that [snip] ain't happening. Especially the part about getting 50% of everything i own.  That's some real bull[snip] right there. I thought all this was what us guys tired of american women was trying to get away from.  Im hearing now that the divorce rate in America is 75%???  There's got to be an easier way, because I have no choice at this point. I'm already spoiled.


And guys when i get there i'm definitely going to write back on my experience before and after marriage.


Looking forward to hearing from more people out there. Don't by shy! We are all in this together.

[robert angel]

You're welcome. As a precaution,  I tell guys that if they don't buy a house before getting married and bringing the bride here to live, if they're thinking of buying one, and/or rolling equity from the present one into a nicer, bigger one etc., that they do it BEFORE getting married. That fellow Jason who I mentioned built a beautiful new custom house with his wife involved from the planning stages on.

It wasn't months before her family came to visit and he became estranged from his wife, but as I recall, she AND her family stayed a good while in the house----the police wouldn't even allow him to enter.

It took a while for the lawyers to work it out, but I'm pretty sure she's still here in the USA, living a lot better here in the USA than she did in S. America.


We were down in the 'A, B, C' Islands and Aruba being only about a dozen miles away from Venezuela, the banks and shop keepers worry a lot about desperate Venezuelans, to the point where when we were there, the ATMs wouldn't stock US dollars, as the Venezuelans take them as hedges against inflation. That mess is only getting worse at the moment. We liked Aruba and Curacao and home prices aren't crazy high, but like Key West, Florida, I imagine it'd feel real small and confining after a while.

Best of luck to you,

Robert

[Elexpatriado]

Ja ja

Quité a story about that Jason charácter if true.

I have done some dumb things in my life, but definitely a much lower "bobo" threshold than that..

[Calipro]

 plus she's entitled to 50% of everything you own. And she might not realize that right away, but her Spanish speaking friends will let her know that the moment she complains to them about you. Not only that, they'll encourage her to divorce you, insisting she can do better....that's why caution is needed before marrying her, and one of many reasons why living in her country is financially safer for the man....

Thank God I live in Arizona instead of California.


Because my ex-wives would all be rich.


In Arizona your wife is only entitled to 50% of the wealth that you accumulated while you were actually married. And that's net of any debt you accumulated as well.


I guess I was never that good at investing because any increase in my wealth during the three or so years of each marriage could usually be wiped out by my buying a new car and driving it off the lot and running up a few credit cards. jajaja


And I ain't joking.


There is a good reason why I've never seen the inside of a divorce court room.....It wasn't worth their time and certainly not their money. jajajaj

[John W]

I met my wife in December 2011 in Cartagena.  She arrived in the US in November 2013.  We got married in January 2014 and had a child in December 2016.   My wife is crazy about me, very attractive, and 17 years younger than me.  I am an average looking guy in his early 50s.  I have a lot of envious friends and acquaintances.  Having said that, there were lots of things she either misled me about before we got married or that she failed to mention.
 
The first one was the financial situation with her mother.  I did not know that my wife’s mother had not worked since around 2000.  When I met my wife, she lived with her mother and supported her.  I thought her mother had stopped working within the last few years of the time we met.  I just found out recently, when we learned my mother-in-law would not be getting a pension, that she had not worked for years.  I pretty much support my mother-law-in financially, but while she is in Colombia it is very inexpensive.  My wife worked for about 7 months at a minimum wage job here in the US, and while she was working she was sending her mother about 1,200,000 to 1,500,000 pesos per month.  Prior to that I was sending her about 700,000 to 800,000.  I recently cut it back to 600,000, but there is always additional money we send.  I would say it is running at about 800,000-900,000/month.  I spoke to my wife about her mother before my wife came up here.  I told her I would not solely support her mother, that I expected her brother and sister to help out as well.  I thought we had an agreement where my wife and I were going to provide about 60% of the financial support her mother needed, and her brother and sister were going to split the balance.  That cost sharing arrangement only lasted about four months, and as soon as my wife found out that her mother had not eaten in over a day and called me to send her some money, I realized our agreement to all contribute was not going to be honored.  As soon as we started picking up more expenses the brother and sister stopped helping out financially.
 
 

[mambocowboy]

I met my wife in December 2011 in Cartagena.  She arrived in the US in November 2013.  We got married in January 2014 and had a child in December 2016.   My wife is crazy about me, very attractive, and 17 years younger than me.  I am an average looking guy in his early 50s.  I have a lot of envious friends and acquaintances.  Having said that, there were lots of things she either misled me about before we got married or that she failed to mention.   
The first one was the financial situation with her mother.  I did not know that my wife’s mother had not worked since around 2000.  When I met my wife, she lived with her mother and supported her.  I thought her mother had stopped working within the last few years of the time we met.  I just found out recently, when we learned my mother-in-law would not be getting pension, that she had not worked for years.  I pretty much support my mother-law-in financially, but while she is in Colombia it is very inexpensive.  My wife worked for about 7 months at a minimum wage job here in the US, and while she was working she was sending her mother about 1,200,000 to 1,500,000 pesos per month.  Prior to that I was sending her about 700,000 to 800,000.  I recently cut it back to 600,000, but there is always additional money we send.  I would say it is running at about 800,000-900,000/month.  I spoke to my wife about her mother before my wife came up here.  I told her I would not solely support her mother, that I expect her brother and sister to help out as well.  I thought we had an agreement where my wife and I were going to provide about 60% of financial support her mother needed, and her brother and sister were going to split the balance.  That cost sharing arrangement only lasted about four months, and as soon as my wife found out that her mother had not eaten in over a day and called me to send her some money, I realized our agreement to all contribute was not going to be honored.  As soon as we started picking up more expenses the brother and sister stopped helping out financially.

This is the type of honesty we rarely get on this site from a married guy. Thanks for sharing John.

[Elexpatriado]

John your getting off pretty cheap.
Aa long asbyourcwife thankful and gives you what you want I wouldn. Worry about it. Its peanuts.

Marry a Colombiana, marry the family.

Cant let her ma starve for crisakes.
Which begs another question.here mom have medical insurance in Colombia?
Thats where future big expenses will come.

[Ricardo1]

It would be a foregone conclusion, in my mind, that family members while they mean well, are no doubt themselves struggling to make ends meet, and an expat husband is going to be seen as 'wealthy' enough to foot the bill. 


And make no mistake about it, at some time a  Colombian wife will be asking a favor of her husband to help out some family member.


Of course, the expectation is that you're going to help out...
The financial aspect alone is enough to cause strain on these marriages!


Even when it's been gone over prior to marriage!


Suerte!

[robert angel]

I think regardless of the nation the wife is from, if the family isn't well off, it's inevitable that you're going to be helping out the family to some extent, for any number of different reasons. My wife's the eldest sister amongst seven siblings and that puts her under even more pressure in her culture, even more so since she moved here, where of course, the perception is that we're all 'well off'.

Just like they see in TV and the movies! We're loaded!

Her work wages here in the USA went to put five siblings through school, through very good universities. They all work now, some of them abroad. They (and also 'us' to a lesser extent now) all help the Mom out, as she's now a widow and she has pretty much turned the family business and land over to the eldest son.

So in a way, we were able to, instead of buying them a fish dinner every day for the rest of their lives, by putting them thru school and as necessary,  paying agencies to get her siblings work abroad, gave them the boat and gear to fish for themselves and pay (most of) their own ways.

We paid more up front to pay less now, by making them more self sufficient.

The great Jamaican sprinter, the Uber wealthy Usain Bolt, refused to give his money away to family members, but he set them up in various business ventures to succeed or fail on their own.

So my wife's work wages covered 95% of 'our' support of her family and she's plenty generous with her wages and me, covering my excellent lunch every day,  a fancy dinner out every Friday night, some fairly big utilities and household costs and probably too many nice gifts to me--colognes, clothing, watches, electronics, etc. Her only area where she remotely indulges is shoes. She dresses extremely well, but manages to get designer stuff at thrift shop prices----she's a very savvy shopper.

I am glad her English is good enough (but not TOO good) for her to work beyond the minimum wage level, but I'll admit that in a way I'm glad she still needs me to help her professional English writing sometimes. I also coach her on enunciation, speaking English slower, that words like 'scissors' aren't 'caesers'--that 'that' isn't pronounced ''dat' and other little nuances that her Spanish based dialect presents. Occasionally she'll send me several letters, business correspondence a day to check for proper tense, gender usage, connecting words etc.

Now she has to train a bunch of people at work on a new Ecommerce platform the huge medical company she works at has had her working on (developing) and we have rehearsed her leading role in training staff, while under the watch of top brass, company lawyers etc., at least a 100 times. I made her presentation more 'North American' by at the two thirds point of the presentation, she pauses and raising her voice says:

"And that's not ALL folks!!!!-----for those of you who can stay awake for the next 15 minutes, we have some very special features for you!!!!"

When one of the head suits, I think he's a lawyer and company CFO, heard that part of the presentation rehearsed,  he fell,out laughing----it was a good idea. She used to love those cornball Ronco (pocket fisherman, etc.) late nite TV commercials and it's paying off, LOL.

Obviously our situation is a lot different than one where there's a baby at home, where the Mom has more limited English and her job might pay minimum wage, while childcare costs would take most of that income. That's a tough, tough situation.

I guess I'm also glad that we do realize that both our incomes together make for a better lifestyle, that she'd,have a tough time going it alone, what with rents, car costs, insurances, groceries etc. So I am more useful than a cat....

While most her siblings were still in school, they were 'ground zero' in  typhoon that resulted in the greatest loss of life of any castatrophy in 2013. Thousands dead, homes, even the very trees, leveled. My own parents and siblings joined in to rebuild their homes and keep them in food, etc. As awful a situation as it was,  it was awesome to see our families rise to the occasion selflessly.

I guess it'll always be something. Last night she told me how her Mom's phone is crapping out pretty bad. It was her Mom's first smart phone and amazingly, she 'got modern' and does Facebook and more now, which is kind of cool. I mean, even I don't 'do' farcebook....So my wife's shopping at my suggestion, for a refurbished, warrantied iPhone 6plus, just like her own phone. Hopefully we can wait until the new iPhone 8 arrives, driving older model's cost down.

But I'm not gonna pitch a bitch or create a situation where she might just do it behind my back anyway. Over there, a phone is deemed essential and if in the USA,  'you are what you drive' (stupid, I know) the same mindset holds over there for phones, especially as 99% of the women never drive.

So my advice is try to get siblings and family members educated and gainfully employed and all chipping in to help. Easier said than done, and I realize that many times that once you come to a family's financial rescue in time of crisis,  the number of crisis requiring you money suddenly occur with alarming regularity, leaving you wondering how they ever survived before you came into the picture.

Well, you know they did, and you know that if you left the picture,  they'd somehow get by again, albeit perhaps thinking that you're one cheap, selfish muther f----ker!

[robert angel]

After I posted the above,  I realized I should've made it clearer that it wasn't like it is now right when she got off the plane about twelve years ago.

She couldn't drive. I got her a 1997 Toyota Camry, a car that she still drives, although we're looking for a deal on a more current, gently used Honda Accord.

But I lost several layers of tooth enamel, and lost my voice, going hoarse while trying to teach her how to drive. She STILL can't parallel park. I have to drive her into town or if she drives, she pays for a garage, usually only after I've taken her over the route to the garage she'll have to drive the day before.

 Although she still has these weird moments where she thinks: "I can't believe I'm actually driving a car--alone"--she's extremely safe as a driver, zero tickets, zero accidents. Hell, she did most of the driving from NYC to Florida, but no parallel  parking was involved....I think there's a very strong magnet inside the car that attracts metal shopping carts-----the car has more dings than I care to count.

Her first job was stacking clothes at JC Penneys. She'd stack em neat and high, low rent types would almost immediately knock them over. Welcome to America.  It was at the mall--lots of parking lot carb dings there too. After showing, taking her over the route to the mall in a 'dry run', she nonetheless insisted on driving the whole twelve miles to the job, staying in the right hand lane the whole time until she saw the 'land mark' turn.

She took course work to improve her reading, writing and speaking English ability.  She was an elementary school classroom paraprofessional for five years, working kindergarten, then 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th grades. That helped her education to an extent, certainly opened her eyes to issues with the US and how kids are raised.  But they repeatedly voted her 'Instructional Support Person of the Year" (ISPY) as she gave 200%. They tried, practically begged her to take a teaching position. They LOVED her. She passed all the state exams required for being a classroom teacher--writing essays, reading comprehension, Math and more. But she refused, insecure and feeling her grasp of English wasn't 'good enough'--she didn't want to set the children back a single iota.

She took free courses in English written and spoken grammar through the local University's Speech Pathology dept.  More recently, she took the same kind of instruction, called "advanced" at the local Vocational - Technical College. Students from China, Laos, Vietnam, the a Middle East, Mexico, S. & C America, just a partial list--- even the instructor, wondered why she was there. Like the other times, it was her idea. She's made nice 'friends'-- helped a lot of insecure women from other countries figure out things like how to make a Dr.'s appt. It's interesting when some woman from Thailand or El Salvador text messages, asking her for help, in English I can hardly follow, but she reaches them.

The last instructor didn't win a lot of points when he told the class that once they entered their teenage years, that learning good English was very unlikely, that they would always have problems and he wondered why he was teaching the areas of English the class was working on. My wife stopped going shortly after that, but she still helps those who ask her.

Even today, she occasionally gets online and tries to improve her English via YouTube videos.There's plenty of them. It's a great idea for husbands to be in on that and  to play around with tongue twisting nursery rhymes ("She sells sea shells by the sea shore"--" Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?" Jack picked a peck of pickled peppers") and to just not give up, be negative or overly judgemental.

Other jobs followed, she excelled at each, improving her skills. Had she stayed in education, she'd be vested in a pension system now and probably be making close to $60,000 a year, a lot more than she does developing and maintaining eCommerce systems where we live, even with her past 5 year bachelor's computer engineering degree, all credits accepted here. She also managed a major corporate resturant for nearly five years and that was something that like working in the school, she was terrified of at first, then her nervousness drove her to excell and be acknowledged highly, leaving her humble.

No, life isn't always fair.... But she's not the kind of person to look back in sadness for long, if at all. She is more likely to think: "It's God's will" and be thankful for what she has.

She's very proud to be a US Citizen, but happier yet to have dual citizenship.

It's been an interesting journey, as I imagine you guys have had different, but nonetheless interesting versions of yourselves, as well. But I suggest that like her, just try to be thankful for what you've got rather than what not and don't forget that someday in the not too distant future, you'll look back and say:

"THOSE were the good old days"

We're living them now, we just don't realize it enough.....

[Neoblk40]

Excellent post Rob  !! Just when i thought you were going to leave out "Jack picked a peck of pickled peppers"!! LOL!! And no disrespect to your wife, but she drove MOST of the way from NYC to FL? Are you kidding me? How did you manage to not have a heart attack?? But also it says alot about your wife that she has the resilience to do that. Talk about a ride or die chick!!  See, that's what i'm talking about though.  That's what i want  !!!  A chick that's not lazy, or selfish, but is willing to go the distance with her husband.....literally!!  The journey you are on with your wife Rob, even with all the problems that you've mentioned, is what makes these days, like you said, the good old days for you.  I can't wait to get there myself!!

[robert angel]

Excellent post Rob  !! Just when i thought you were going to leave out "Jack picked a peck of pickled peppers"!! LOL!! And no disrespect to your wife, but she drove MOST of the way from NYC to FL? Are you kidding me? How did you manage to not have a heart attack?? But also it says alot about your wife that she has the resilience to do that. Talk about a ride or die chick!!  See, that's what i'm talking about though.  That's what i want  !!!  A chick that's not lazy, or selfish, but is willing to go the distance with her husband.....literally!!  The journey you are on with your wife Rob, even with all the problems that you've mentioned, is what makes these days, like you said, the good old days for you.  I can't wait to get there myself!!

Thanks Man,

Yea, I was kinda feeling 'out of it' and , and this is the key, but you can drive on highway I95 from NYC till it ends and NEVER have to parallel park! She's a great driver as long as the driver's seat goes high enough,  as she's short.

But yeah, she easily did 12 of the 16 or so hours, straight, without issue. Smooth. I slept. That included the worst portion, from NYC until you get past Washington DC, going thru tolls for turnpikes, etc.

She can see, 'sense' a cop from the other side of a hill, for crying out loud.  She came from a culture where cops collect 'fines' from drivers and pedestrians for their own pockets and even though that's not the case here and she's never done a thing remotely illegal, she has a built in fear of police.

She often thinks "What would I do without you??"-- mentally dealing with the deed of the house, taxes, insurances, details-- but that's her "way"....but when it comes down to all that, and  the nitty gritty spins that life throws us sometimes, she'd get it done. She's doing it already, just not realizing it.

Her being nervous and insecure gives her the juice, the 'adrenaline' and motivation, to try harder and succeed.

But It's great that she values my all around support and that's a mutual thing. So I play along while telling her the only person doubting her abilities is herself.

But to be totally honest, when I've been a real bad dog, a total dry, sarcastic and irresponsible prick, she's snapped at me:

" You think you can just go out and find another woman like ME???

I don't even hesitate, I just say "no....."

So it's not always perfect, life after the honeymoon is aleays gonna have bumps, maybe even crashes.

I sometimes joke that the only reason why she's still with me is because she pretends every day is "Be kind to animals day"

[Neoblk40]

Lmao, Robert, have you ever thought about writing an e-book or something about your journey? I would certainly read it, lol. You should think it! I may do the same once i get that far.

[robert angel]

Lmao, Robert, have you ever thought about writing an e-book or something about your journey? I would certainly read it, lol. You should think it! I may do the same once i get that far.

Thanks Neo,

We all have different 'luck', if you will, some might call it fate, but while I never really planned much of anything in my life, there's a lot to be said for 'planning' and it sounds like you're going that way, formulating an idea of what might be ideal for you, the where and how to go about realizing it.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained....

But I think your chances are good. More often than not, I failed to realize when I had a good woman, a good situation. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Repeatedly. It took me 4 years of pretty regular contact before I asked my wife to marry me. Meanwhile,  I jumped from nation to nation, playing the field. I can't imagine another woman then or even more so in this modern age of technological options, waiting that long.

Aim high, but be realistic. Have a good idea of what you want, but be open to the fact that someone beautiful and wonderful might be outside those parameters.

I kept telling myself that my now wife was: "Too young, too pretty, too well educated" thinking it'd never last. It could've also possibly panned out to be a different situation, one where I could've ended up with a woman from another country who on the hotness scale is an 8--back in her land, but here in the USA, her beauty being a more like a 9+ ---- a woman who's looks and personality smokes the other USA homegrown and spoiled women like cold turkeys. A woman who respects and honors her man.

You've got to look at the whole picture and try to think long term if you're capable. I've always and still do have problems with 'long term' thinking. I need the 'writing on the wall' to be ten feet high, preferably in red.

My life has had so many twists and turns, from a modest start as a child, to world travels and a time of affluence and wealth, to where I am now, sort of content and materially 'in the middle."

I'm here, still standing, healthy and fitter than a year ago, looking to retire a while down the road, at least before age 60.

We're more glad for the things we DON'T have (like physical pain, addictions, debt and household dramas) than me/us wanting much in the way of actual material 'things'.

About the only thing remotely expensive on our bucket list is more traveling, and that'll happen.

But writing my "journey" -- story as perhaps an E book? Nobody would believe it, and few would buy it. Sort of a Forest Gump luck not only lead me into a vortex of situations and experiences, but also kept me from killing myself, being killed by others or ending up in jail at times.

I have been very lucky in spite of myself. From age 12 to 40, I lived incredibly fast and recklessly. Really, I was hustling for a buck from the age where I could first pile 2 cent soda deposit bottles into my little red wagon and cash them in. '

But once I got to junior high school age (I was the Teacher's absolute worst nightmare) me 'skirting the law' would be an understatement. Eventually making and losing a fortune more than once, met a lot of famous people later on. NYC, before it became relatively tamed, was my playground. Most of the people overall--my friends and partners, lead short lives.

As an adult, by my mid thirties, I knew I had issues and demons, but I made a deal, with the devil--myself, telling me 'Yea, I've got some bad ways and habits that will lead to no good end, but I'm still enjoying them".

I married a lovely woman, a nurse, thinking inside: "She'll save me from myself"  but ultimately, the only person who could do that was myself. Sooooo, that didn't go too well.

Finally, at age 40, looking at my impending divorce, with two beautiful, young sons, the 'collateral damage' ---I made another deal, saying to myself: "41 and I'm done". And so it was and still is.

Now, I ain't no Saint by a long stretch, but I did 'clean up my act' a whole lot, I must say.

They say 'You can't go back" and for me, even if I wanted to, it's true, because the NYC, really the 'run' down to Philly, from NYC into upstate NY to be 'safe' and up to Boston,  doesn't exist anymore. At least not as I knew it.

But I still have enough rough edges to know how incredibly fortunate I am to have a woman who's incredibly humble and forgiving, who's young and physically beautiful, but low maintainance.

She's Christian but not overbearing, she doesn't preach or talk a lot about religion, doesn't force me to go to church. She's just an immensely generous, enjoyable soul, who can be a lot of fun, yet she 'walks the walk', gets over crap and forgives quickly. She's far from dumb and calls me out on my BS when I need it. A guy needs that. Positivity follows her around like sparkles follow a sparkler, but she knows, she feels when something isn't right.

Just a few minutes a ago, she said: "I really should clean the house". We'd just got back from a great restuarant, celebrating over a family dinner, honoring my excellent youngest son returning to the University of Georgia for his Junior year tomorrow morning. The kid's on track, earning almost straight A's towards dual bachelor's degrees in a specialized area of computer science and mathematics that will put him in a niche area: 'Data Scientist, Computer Security Specialist' field, where job salaries start at 115K a year, usually also with handsome stock options.

The kid's taking a pretty straight path, not a nerd, doing his own 'reaching' -- experimenting in his experiences, but taking a much straighter path, planned with purpose, than I ever dreamed of.

But back to my wife. Coming back to our humble little house, lamenting on not cleaning the bathroom, and washing the bed linens she just washed 5 days ago, (she loves the smell,of fresh linen) I told her: "No honey, let's just lie here in bed, relax and not worry about it, it can wait".

She just said: "I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband"

I could still screw this up too, but I think the chances of me finding another woman with even 80---90% of her good characteristics are about the same as me winning the mega lottery games in seven states simultaneously.

And the chances of me finding someone half as good as here here in the USA are probably just as slim.

[Neoblk40]

Now see Rob, there you go again writing a great story (non-fiction).  You give great insight to these forums and much hope to the men looking to find the same dream come true relationship.


You may have an idea on how similar your story is to many of the men in the US, but you have no idea how helpful you are still sharing what you've been through.  I find it a bit disturbing that only you and cowboy were the only 2, if i'm not mistaken that replied back to this forum thus far and shared some wisdom.  Or, perhaps everyone else is just enjoying their happy life.


But as i was saying, your journey is very similar and especially to mine. I wasted a lot of time chasing women in NY and everywhere i traveled to in my 20's and 30's, but i never considered marrying a foreign woman until I started researching it.  I'm rolling on at 43 now, but I know i'm still young and able to start my search for a good wife and raise up a family with her.  I watch my healthy pretty closely so i'm sure I'm still a good catch, except for the fortune i spent trying to start failed businesses.  But it's the journey in all this that has made me much wiser and like you, i said, ok i'm 40 now, that's it, i'm gonna do things the right way so i left my job and starting working on everything i wanted for myself.  I'm back to work now, but i'm more clear minded than I've ever been.


I'm looking forward to my trip to barranquilla to visit Jamie's spot, but i may not make my final decision then and there. The second trip i will find a hotel nearby and date locally as someone on the forum once suggested. I'm surrounded by beautiful spanish women here in NY, especially the bronx, unfortunately, they are either married, have 2 or 3 kids, or are much younger and looking for someone to take care of them.


Luckily, I managed to not make any kids thus far, so i'm good there, but i still want that.  I currently live in NY and let me tell you, all the trouble i had in the past with good looking women, trying to get into a relationship with them, and now to see many of them having 3 kids, 2 kids, well lets just say i have trouble shaking them off. They throwing that pussy at me every weekend they have a chance to get away from their kids. And if i meet a woman with no children, Ay dios mio!!, she is so f****** picky, and disrespectful and lazy and has such a bad attitude towards anything we may happen to disagree with. I'm done with all that. I'm gonna write something amazing one day as you've been doing in this forum.


Remind me again how you guys met Rob? Which country is she from? And great post as always bro!!