Seeking advice from survivors!!

[robert angel]

I have never sent any money to my wife's family. I am sure she has given family members money but what she does with her money is her business not mine. OTOH, I have always taken care of her three children as my own. Even though this is against the PL party line, her three children have been a source of much happiness in my life.


Who wouldn't want to get a text message like the one I got from my stepdaughter yesterday:


"Thank you for all your help. I appreciate it more than you know. I love you!"

I mis 'spoke' when I said: "I need to know how much". It's not how 'much' and it's not about how often, either. It's more that I simply know that she sends her Mom money occasionally.

Just like I know she sometimes sends her Rn sister in Dubai money to help pay for prep courses for additional medical nursing certification exams, exams that will lead to higher pay there and more international opportunities elsewhere.

For her Mother, it's not a regular, every month thing. It's for very occasional, unexpected expenses, basically the occasional treat for the love and devotion she's always shown the family, sometimes for a medical reason, because we want her to see a better dr., go to a better hospital. Besides, it doesn't cramp our standard of living much at all, if any.

But it's more the fact that she doesn't have to--and doesn't feel the need to hide it or be deceitful.

Also, since we helped her siblings through college and they're working and are self sufficient, they help their Mother financially too nowadays. It's sort of 'natural'--proceeding on kind of a plan we always sort of expected, and that's a lot different than a wife trying to hide sending money, or enabling learned helplessness in the family to some extent.

Too often, that scenario gets to where you're unnecessarily supporting able bodied relatives, who more and more have crisis requiring more and more money, despite them previously getting by pretty much fine before you became their personal ATM.....

Teach em how to fish, buy them a rod, some tackle and a net, rather than buying them seafood for the rest of their lives!

[Elexpatriado]

I have never sent any money to my wife's family. I am sure she has given family members money but what she does with her money is her business not mine. OTOH, I have always taken care of her three children as my own. Even though this is against the PL party line, her three children have been a source of much happiness in my life.


Who wouldn't want to get a text message like the one I got from my stepdaughter yesterday:


"Thank you for all your help. I appreciate it more than you know. I love you!"


What policy? To each his own. Who cares what others think.


If you are getting what you want out of he relationship-thats what counts.


Most guys wont go out with a women with 2 or 3 kids as a start.


I can tell you one kid is enough-especially if they are young and the mother cant get out on a date,very often


Then there is how the kid is. They say boys are worse than girls in Colombia. But this is a generalization. I have seen both cases..good and bad.


Really doesn't matter if you are supporting other mans kids, spoiling your trophy wife, even taking care of her family.


The point is  there has to be reciprocation, You are doing it from the bottom of your heart, without pressure, and they dont lie and take advantage of you-and abuse and manipulate you to get more...and you are getting"Love" , affection, appreciation in return.


This type of relationship is hard to find. And you are lucky to have it UC

Anything else-you are just Señor Cajero- a doormat, nobody respects.
Better off just going with prepagos.

[benjio]

I have never sent any money to my wife's family.

I'm not sure how that became a package deal with Colombianas but at this point I wouldn't do it either. I've done it before out of generosity with HORRIBLE consequences each and every time. I've said it before and I'll say it again: ask them "What would your family do if you didn't know me?" The answer is find another way and continue to survive. Giving a girls family the impression you'll always be there as a financial crutch is treading on dangerous ground. At the very least they'll begin to resent you any time you say "No" if you've sent money before; and at worse they'll put themselves in a position where they absolutely count on your money to maintain their lifestyle. So if you lose your job or something else goes wrong they'll have to move out of an apartment or a kid will have to leave their private school, etc.


I was dating a beautiful Colombiana from Neiva a few years back. Probably the best woman I'll ever meet but I managed to mess that up. Oh well...that's what happens when you're living there and every other girl's giving you the "come on over here big boy!" look. Anyway, I remember being on the phone with her and her friend was there inviting her to go shopping. She told her friend she didn't really have the money. Her friend suggested she ask me for the money and my girlfriend at the time refused, telling her I had my own financial responsibilities to take care of. Her friend them asked her "What's the use in dating a "rich gringo" if he's not going to give you money when you need it." I'll never forget her reply..."For the same reason I would date a poor Colombiano...because I love him." That's the type of woman you should be looking for....and I honestly wouldn't settle for less than that.

[mambocowboy]

I'm not sure how that became a package deal with Colombianas but at this point I wouldn't do it either. I've done it before out of generosity with HORRIBLE consequences each and every time. I've said it before and I'll say it again: ask them "What would your family do if you didn't know me?" The answer is find another way and continue to survive. Giving a girls family the impression you'll always be there as a financial crutch is treading on dangerous ground. At the very least they'll begin to resent you any time you say "No" if you've sent money before; and at worse they'll put themselves in a position where they absolutely count on your money to maintain their lifestyle. So if you lose your job or something else goes wrong they'll have to move out of an apartment or a kid will have to leave their private school, etc.


I was dating a beautiful Colombiana from Neiva a few years back. Probably the best woman I'll ever meet but I managed to mess that up. Oh well...that's what happens when you're living there and every other girl's giving you the "come on over here big boy!" look. Anyway, I remember being on the phone with her and her friend was there inviting her to go shopping. She told her friend she didn't really have the money. Her friend suggested she ask me for the money and my girlfriend at the time refused, telling her I had my own financial responsibilities to take care of. Her friend them asked her "What's the use in dating a "rich gringo" if he's not going to give you money when you need it." I'll never forget her reply..."For the same reason I would date a poor Colombiano...because I love him." That's the type of woman you should be looking for....and I honestly wouldn't settle for less than that.

Wow Benjio that Neiva gal was a keeper....

[benjio]

Wow Benjio that Neiva gal was a keeper....

HELL YEAH SHE WAS!!! Pretty sure I've written about her on here before. A quick search for Neiva should locate the posts. It's not a city we talk about often.

[Calipro]

I'm not sure how that became a package deal with Colombianas but at this point I wouldn't do it either. I've done it before out of generosity with HORRIBLE consequences each and every time. I've said it before and I'll say it again: ask them "What would your family do if you didn't know me?" The answer is find another way and continue to survive. Giving a girls family the impression you'll always be there as a financial crutch is treading on dangerous ground. At the very least they'll begin to resent you any time you say "No" if you've sent money before; and at worse they'll put themselves in a position where they absolutely count on your money to maintain their lifestyle. So if you lose your job or something else goes wrong they'll have to move out of an apartment or a kid will have to leave their private school, etc.

I also never sent money to any of my wife's families.....My first colombian wife's family could have really used the help but they never asked and I never offered. But she did send money home to mom as soon as she got a job. I think that may have been what motivated her to go to work as fast as she did.


After that I never got in a serious relationship with any Colombiana who's family was really poor. My last wife's family would have thrown the money back in my face if I tried to give them money.


And even the family of my current girlfriend is self sufficient. Her mother occasionally invites us out to diner and actually insists on picking up the tap.


But I don't think this is the norm for guys that  are looking in marriage agencies and or for women that are that are actively seeking out gringos for marriage. Because the main reason women start down that path is not because Colombian men are machistas but rather because the women are rather poor.

[vikingo]

Well Neo, do you still think I sounded grim after reading John W's story?
The way I got a break of paying the rent for the in-laws,  the bride pays for their utilities, food, clothes and medications from the money she earns,  the two of us with the help of her niece, who makes decent money for Colombian standards, built a small house in the bride's hometown on a lot she owned for about 10 years and had been making payments on.
The concrete block construction without any tile work except for the kitchen counter came to about 14 million pesos, for a 2 bedroom 2 bath (one has only piping so far) 70 m² home with a patio in back and a terrace in front. It happened this summer in a small town of 60,000 with the contractor and hardware store owner known by the family for decades though and the lot already having a foundation for future construction. In and around one of the bigger cities the construction cost could easily be triple plus the price of a lot. She paid 2 million for the lot, 2 million for the foundation  and tried to sell the lot for 12 million until her niece came forward and said she would pay for the first 1500 concrete blocks to build a home for her grandparents. I took the bait, lol. Two months later, last month, the old couple moved in, overjoyed of finally being in their own home.

[robert angel]

I'm just very glad that my wife works and 99.9% of the money she sends home is money she earns and it's NOT for her family's fluff and fun. They all work, again, that money comes from her salary and it's really just a small part of her income. She still has plenty left to spoil me, lol...

It's a whole different dynamic if your wife doesn't work, tougher yet if she did and sent money from her work to back home, then had a kid/s,  has to stay home, can't work and wants you to keep paying the same amount.

Too often I see families overseas get too used to money from the USA coming in, to the point where they can't imagine surviving without it. Sounds like Puerto Rico!! And then they resent us!

No, our cars are on the old side, but they're good, our house over seas is paid for, our USA home a bit over half paid for. Other than our $750 a month mortage, we basically have no debt.

I will probably retire next year, pulling maybe 3 to 5% from savings to keep our current income at least as high, then get a 1%1/2  cost of living increase in January and then another in July, making more than I did working. Stupid me, it took me too long to realize I'd actually make more money, especially in a few years, only IF I retire! Besides, I can still pick and choose part time work if I want, if I need something important, like another Swiss watch or a Porsche, lol.

My wife wants to keep working, but we're worried that the 3 or 4 weeks vacation a year she now gets, isn't enough to do the traveling we want to do---Europe, Asia, Iceland, etc.

She got behind once on a a credit card, but learned her lesson there very well, never happened again.

When the worst international disaster world wide that year hit her family's village in 2013, (typhoon Pablo),--they were at ground zero, killing thousands there and my family in the USA all helped out, helping to rebuild homes, to replant the scoured land,  but who the hell with a heart wouldn't? That was a one time situation, letting the survivors survive and raise enough food to restore a self sufficient economy.

But don't go putting yourself into an ongoing welfare payer capacity for her family, as it's a whole lot easier to put yourself into that role than it is to get out of it. You won't see it, but every month, they'll be running to get that check like it's Chistmas eternal. And don't think it'll buy you respect, sucker....

And if you initially roll into her nation, into her family's consciousness, as a 'fat cat', as a high roller, and most of us DO go in, living larger and looking richer than we actually are, you're only setting yourself up for a royal flush, not too far down the road....

If you gave and then lessen, they'll probably look down on you as a loser, a failure, a cheap ass gringo who 'of course' has it all, but is too selfish and greedy to share. In a way, regardless, you can't win with some families, as many (not all) have preconcieved mindsets. But in beginning, as in the end, it's all on YOU.

[vikingo]

For any newcomer on here, money management with a foreign bride should be absolutely your first priority.
Benjio's ex bride from Neiva is an extremely rare exception. By far the great majority of any women in the third world, not just colombianas, expect to better their usually dire economic position. You'll be venturing into an entirely different culture with very strong family ties, which was a necessity of survival since days gone by. The Colombian government actually uses expected family support as an excuse not to help the elderly financially nor the disabled who can no longer work. They get nothing. And just about any Latina supports her mom, sometimes both parents like in my case, and usually at least one child from her meager wages.
To this equation you can add that most women have a habit of borrowing from friends and family members, sometimes from the lady down the street who makes a living lending small amounts of money and in some cases collects small payments daily.
Few of these women have any idea what a budget is and they often start borrowing money during the last days of the month for bus fare to be able to get to work.
Naturally you the gringo are not heartless and want to help and now you are walking a tightrope, whatever you do to help in the beginning is expected from then on like has been said before and if you try to stop the bleeding her enthusiasm for you and that of the family will diminish in most cases.
I fell on my face twice in Colombia and lost a lot of money over the years.
Now in my third relationship I told her in the very beginning: I am a firm believer in a budget (naturally I had to explain to her what a budget is). The three of us (she has a 10 year old daughter) are going to live on my US$1000 pension. My savings I will only touch in a dire emergency. You use your income to support your parents,  pay their utilities, their food , clothing and medications. There are necessary things we need and the rest are luxury items and can wait.
A couple of necessary 'emergencies' already took place. The first, the free state insurance her parents have didn't want to pay for needed open heart surgery for her dad because of his age at 83 and the family was ready to accept that he would soon die.
(We are considering an IPS insurance for her parents at this moment.)
I disagreed and offered to pay half of the surgery in a private clinic if the family collects the other half of the 3 million pesos. And they did. That was over a year ago and after a seemingly endless and complicated recovery involving some expensive medications and moving him by my incistence from the Pasto hospital where he was first taken by ambulance and where he caught pneumonia to recover in Neiva which has much warmer temperatures, the man is doing fine now at 84.
The second incidence was the construction of the home which set me back $1500, but at that price, who could resist?

[Calipro]

Few of these women have any idea what a budget is and they often start borrowing money during the last days of the month for bus fare to be able to get to work.

While this is an accurate generalization overall.....I have found that Paisas are head and heels above the rest of Colombianas when is comes to money management.

[Neoblk40]

Yes, yes, Vinkingo. Man talk about DEEPTHROAT. I'm totally getting a better picture here. Apologies for my ignorance. I kinda forgotten some of these things about traveling back to the islands and how money is a factor. My dad used to always say, don't go back home (Trinidad) acting like you have money, like you're some kind of bigshot.


Money management is always a very good idea when getting married, but it seems apparent here that it's a VERY important factor if you're looking for a wife in Colombia. Even here among us in the US it's one of the leading causes of divorce without all the other [snip] we have to deal with.


Benjio, I'd like to second or third the fact that your x-wife is a winner.  That's a unicorn right there.  I'm not gonna forget her comment.


Boys, all of these truths are very eye opening. Guys tell me is it still worth it?

[Neoblk40]

Calipro, are the costenas really that bad when it comes to money?  I thought i read before that places like Medellin, Cali, and Bogota were bad? Which paises are good for a visit?

[Calipro]

Calipro, are the costenas really that bad when it comes to money?  I thought i read before that places like Medellin, Cali, and Bogota were bad? Which paises are good for a visit?

I don't know that I would say that costeñas are "that bad with money".

My experiences with colombianas and money is anecdotal.

But from my experiences paisas are better with money overall on average
But my guess would be that there is probably a stronger correlation between the relative wealth of any particular girl and how good she is with money than anything else

People like to take jabs at poor Colombian women and their attitudes towards money
But there is an upside to them....they are highly motivated to marry gringos even if they can hardly speak Spanish and are willing to move away from their friends and family and everything they have ever known....for the chance at a better life.....that has to be worth something

[Mimo1357]

The otherside of aftermath

I meet my wife and her two young children in Peru.
We were married 4 years while she was living in Peru, it was sometimes stressful because I would have to return to the States for medical treatment due to being a 100 percent disabled vet.
I would stay two to four months in each place, always working on visa papers.

I was basically shocked that someone was given me any attention given my condition at that time however I should have know , when she said do not leave me single that a life of total destruction was coming.
I finally was told by the USCIS that they were approved for travel.
Men pay attention...I lost everything.
After receiving a permanent Visa and getting to Texas it was 60 days and her and Her children disappear.
She made a 180 from the person I knew.
I lost my disabled home to her , i had to sale everything to cover what I was barrowing.
Febuary 2017 i finally had to claim bankruptcy.
I did not know, what I did not know.
I later learned that the cousin I met who married another retired military man had the same thing happen to him.
I should have paid attention to The small things.

Be careful , ask me questions, I will provide only what you need to know.
Not all are bad. Due to loosen everything I had to move to south America to simple survive. I have met a woman who has never ask about going to the US.  I know the family and friends and this is what you must do to learn exactly who they are.
And a big tip... if get closed are cells go under a book or something when you walk in the room. ???There are things you need to know.
I spoke with an immigration lawyer who generally fights for the immigrant, who said this is text book to a certain training to get a visa.
Just becareful.

[Elexpatriado]

Yes, yes, Vinkingo. Man talk about DEEPTHROAT. I'm totally getting a better picture here. Apologies for my ignorance. I kinda forgotten some of these things about traveling back to the islands and how money is a factor. My dad used to always say, don't go back home (Trinidad) acting like you have money, like you're some kind of bigshot.


Money management is always a very good idea when getting married, but it seems apparent here that it's a VERY important factor if you're looking for a wife in Colombia. Even here among us in the US it's one of the leading causes of divorce without all the other [snip] we have to deal with.


Benjio, I'd like to second or third the fact that your x-wife is a winner.  That's a unicorn right there.  I'm not gonna forget her comment.


Boys, all of these truths are very eye opening. Guys tell me is it still worth it?

Trinidad is a wealthy country compared to Colombia.

When I was in Trinidad; I asked "What do you think of Colombian women?"

The guys replied"Most of dem.be Hos, mon"

"OH COME ON NOW. NOT ALL.OF THEM ARE WHORES..STOP YOUT GENERALIZING"

I replied


"OH sure mon, some of dem Hos be Venezuelans o Dominicans"

[Calipro]

Trinidad is a wealthy country compared to Colombia.

When I was in Trinidad; I asked "What do you think of Colombian women?"

The guys replied"Most of dem.be Hos, mon"

"OH COME ON NOW. NOT ALL.OF THEM ARE WHORES..STOP YOUT GENERALIZING"

I replied


"OH sure mon, some of dem Hos be Venezuelans o Dominicans"

What difference does it make what country the guy is from

I know guys that think all women are hoes and they are to them
It's the only way they will ever get laid Jajaja

[Neoblk40]

Hahah, are you sure you went to trinidad?  We don't say ya mon, jamaicans talk like that.


Nevertheless, it's the same all over. Everyone has the wrong idea about other countries, their peoples, or whatever until they actually go there and experience it for themselves.  May people in the carribean islands from the costal countries along northern colombia to Aruba to Venezuela on up all the way to cuba all have the same general behavior and characteristics.


For instance, Puerto Ricans don't generally get along with Dominicans, until they get to America. But when they are in their home countries, they even have something to say about their own people that don't like in their particular people. That's just how people are.

[Neoblk40]

Mimo,


That's what scares me the most!! Loosing everything.  What about having pre-nuptials set up? What also falls into that category is life insurance plans. What do you guys recommend about those?


I was just watching an episode of American Greed, some wealthy guy with 2 kids married this beautiful younger woman (She was american latin woman) after his divorce of a couple of years.  She claimed to have a PHD, lots of other credentials and for her age (26), his sister thought it was kind of suspicious. She dated him for a while before they got engaged and later married. At some point in their marriage, the husband gets shot in his own home 6 times by some mystery person. The young wife totally had an alibi. Later on, they found out about all types of checks that she had been writing herself and about the side bf (young ex-football player). He was the hot wifes side bf patsi, typical setup. I'm sure many of you guys have seen movies like this, but this happens in real life often as you may also know. 


It just always shocks me how a guy can be sleeping with the enemy for years and not see the signs. Not to take away from the fact that many of these types of women are expert liar's and deceivers. Scary!

[Calipro]

Mimo,


That's what scares me the most!! Loosing everything.  What about having pre-nuptials set up? What also falls into that category is life insurance plans. What do you guys recommend about those?

I think the most important thing to do....is to ask yourself....Why do I want to find a wife overseas?


If the answer is because I want to bang a young hot wife every night....then look into a prenup.


If the answer is because I want to have a family and keep her around to death do us part....think long and hard about putting all your assets into an irrevocable trust before you tie the knot.


Only leave life insurance to a woman that actually has your children.

[Elexpatriado]

What difference does it make what country the guy is from

I know guys that think all women are hoes and they are to them
It's the only way they will ever get laid Jajaja

It is only a joke....


But that is kinda the generalization Colombian Women have had outside of Colombia..Trinidad, Aruba, Costa Rica, Panama, Peru, Spain....Dubai


At least util recently..

And the guys are all Narcos or Sicarios

Yes just a gross generalization...and mostly untrue... but you hear it all the time.. at least you did 5 or 10 years ago

[Elexpatriado]

Ok we be saying dat when we be Liming and whining with the girls in de disco to Socha music


Are you convinced now?

Hahah, are you sure you went to trinidad?  We don't say ya mon, jamaicans talk like that.


Nevertheless, it's the same all over. Everyone has the wrong idea about other countries, their peoples, or whatever until they actually go there and experience it for themselves.  May people in the carribean islands from the costal countries along northern colombia to Aruba to Venezuela on up all the way to cuba all have the same general behavior and characteristics.


For instance, Puerto Ricans don't generally get along with Dominicans, until they get to America. But when they are in their home countries, they even have something to say about their own people that don't like in their particular people. That's just how people are.

[Elexpatriado]

I think the most important thing to do....is to ask yourself....Why do I want to find a wife overseas?


If the answer is because I want to bang a young hot wife every night....then look into a prenup.


If the answer is because I want to have a family and keep her around to death do us part....think long and hard about putting all your assets into an irrevocable trust before you tie the knot.


Only leave life insurance to a woman that actually has your children.

How about just getting a job or some type financial independence where you can live overseas (say Colombia) and keep all your assets out of the country.


Then you don have these worries about losing everything. Then you just go with the flow.


More secure than the best prenup ever invented.


Keep your honey (s) overseas, and your money back home.

[Elexpatriado]

Mimo,


That's what scares me the most!! Loosing everything.  What about having pre-nuptials set up? What also falls into that category is life insurance plans. What do you guys recommend about those?


I was just watching an episode of American Greed, some wealthy guy with 2 kids married this beautiful younger woman (She was american latin woman) after his divorce of a couple of years.  She claimed to have a PHD, lots of other credentials and for her age (26), his sister thought it was kind of suspicious. She dated him for a while before they got engaged and later married. At some point in their marriage, the husband gets shot in his own home 6 times by some mystery person. The young wife totally had an alibi. Later on, they found out about all types of checks that she had been writing herself and about the side bf (young ex-football player). He was the hot wifes side bf patsi, typical setup. I'm sure many of you guys have seen movies like this, but this happens in real life often as you may also know. 


It just always shocks me how a guy can be sleeping with the enemy for years and not see the signs. Not to take away from the fact that many of these types of women are expert liar's and deceivers. Scary!

This happens all the time on a smaller scale in Colombia.


But if you live here, you can weed the stuff out.


The best thing to do is move to Colombia (OR DR, OR Peru, or Ecuador, or etc.). And keep all your assets back in the US.


And only bring them on a tourist visa to the US, at the very most.


Then if you run int the situation, no big deal. she takes you for a bit..you find out..her Moso beats her cuz she dumps him for you..you dump her..she goes back to the rats and cockroaches..you say "Next"..


But in reality any sane guy would not get to a marrying stage with a girl like this in Colombia. Even if he was thinking with his little head, all his friends would warn him, and eventually it would sink in-


Most smart guys would just go with these type of girls for 3 or 4 months just for fun, not any longer.


Thats the risk of the WOVO mentality of latching on to the first girl you see, dragging her a$$ back to the EEUU like a little portable "R and R"

[benjio]

But in reality any sane guy would not get to a marrying stage with a girl like this in Colombia. Even if he was thinking with his little head, all his friends would warn him, and eventually it would sink in-


Most smart guys would just go with these type of girls for 3 or 4 months just for fun, not any longer.


Thats the risk of the WOVO mentality of latching on to the first girl you see, dragging her a$$ back to the EEUU like a little portable "R and R"

I think for once you're giving the average gringo more credit than he deserves Expat.  IMHO the only thing keeping most men sensible that live in a place like Colombia is options; not intelligence and definitely not advice from friends. We all know there's another one right around the corner down there, so for once some of us manage to ignore the little head and protect ourselves. Put the average gringo in a more "scarce" environment regardless of geography and that "hoe into a housewife" idea becomes so much more feasible.


You were absolutely right about one thing. The only real way to protect yourself is leaving them there and leaving your assets north of the border. I believe an ex-wife may be entitled to a bit of the king's fortune but the divorce settlements women are getting these days are ridiculous.

[utopiacowboy]

This happens all the time on a smaller scale in Colombia.


But if you live here, you can weed the stuff out.


The best thing to do is move to Colombia (OR DR, OR Peru, or Ecuador, or etc.). And keep all your assets back in the US.


And only bring them on a tourist visa to the US, at the very most.


Then if you run int the situation, no big deal. she takes you for a bit..you find out..her Moso beats her cuz she dumps him for you..you dump her..she goes back to the rats and cockroaches..you say "Next"..


But in reality any sane guy would not get to a marrying stage with a girl like this in Colombia. Even if he was thinking with his little head, all his friends would warn him, and eventually it would sink in-


Most smart guys would just go with these type of girls for 3 or 4 months just for fun, not any longer.


Thats the risk of the WOVO mentality of latching on to the first girl you see, dragging her a$$ back to the EEUU like a little portable "R and R"

You are giving the Colombianos way too much credit. My brothers-in-law were living large dating high school girls but eventually even they succumbed. One of them married this woman that we were all convinced had some kind of bruja spell on him. She wasn't even that great looking and she was milking him like a cow and treating him like a slave.