SENDING MONEY CREATES A MONSTER

[Elexpatriado]

But if your living in Colombia..got dozens to choose from..you have a lot more freedom as to what you can accept..obviously if you are making 5 times what a "Professional" Colombiana makes, you are gonna pay for the meals..part of the culture..but I draw the line on Anybody directly asking for money or gifts...they survived before I was there, thay can survive after..there are 60 year old Colombian Taxi drivers here with 18-20 year old GFs, who dont have enough money to rub 2 coins together..don't let any of these women railroad you into something you  are not comfortable with..let your conscience do the talking..

Oh I don't know about that. There seems to be plenty of middle age and older gringos that want very young Latinas (and that is just fine). I've had this exact same conversation with an older gringo in Costa Rica. He wants young ticas but has no desire to sleep with hookers. I told him that if you want really young girls there is likely to be financial considerations involved. Maybe she just works in a restaurant or goes to college, but you'll be helping her afford that new cell phone, buying her nice meals out, and just in general buying her some nice things. And if she needs a little cash now and then to meet the bills you'll help her out. Overall she's inexpensive and much hotter than the old gringas back home. So that's generally the deal for some if they go that route.

[mambocowboy]

Back when I was searching online my personal favorite was sending them to Western Union to get money that wasn't there. Then of course they would come back complaining saying the money wasn't there and they had to ride a bus or take a taxi there and wait in line for nothing, etc. Then I would say I made a mistake and send them back again. I've had a girl go up to 5 times before realizing I was screwing her over.


Some guys have told me it's a mean thing to do and I don't know what kinds of other things could result from playing such a mean trick on someone, but my goal is make these lying pieces of [snip] stop trying to screw over gringos.

The problem is every bit as much the foreign men as it is the ladies. I think the men are the ones who have created the culture of expectations some of these women have about financial gain. There are plenty of gringos who will gladly send money BEFORE she ever asks. That's why most gringos are seen as rubes and easy targets...

[robert angel]

The problem is every bit as much the foreign men as it is the ladies. I think the men are the ones who have created the culture of expectations some of these women have about financial gain. There are plenty of gringos who will gladly send money BEFORE she ever asks. That's why most gringos are seen as rubes and easy targets...

Yes, expectations are only formed based on experience. Of course that pertains to many dynamics in international dating.

[Gato4Astrid]

But if your living in Colombia..got dozens to choose from..you have a lot more freedom as to what you can accept..obviously if you are making 5 times what a "Professional" Colombiana makes, you are gonna pay for the meals..part of the culture..but I draw the line on Anybody directly asking for money or gifts...they survived before I was there,

I agree with you there !!!

[buencamino]

I knew my wife for 4 years before I actually went to visit her. I never knew until I actually went there--really until after I proposed, that after paying her miserable boarding house's rent and sending some money back to her parents, she was using some of her food money to pay to chat me.

She paid for the internet connection in a café, the web cam--everything. She'd work 12 or more hours a day, then go to the internet café---I'd simply get out of bed and turn on the computer from my home--her evening was my morning. I thought she was so cute, so slim and fit, (still can wear the same size clothes) but she was actually hungry sometimes, I found out later. She only told me after we met and became engaged. I felt awful after I found out. There were times she could barely afford vegetables.

She never asked--never even hinted that she wanted a peso. Pride. She had a airline pilot and a Chicago surgeon she could have picked over me, as I dragged my feet, telling her we could both see other people. She was always there when she said she'd be, or she'd tell me if she was going home to her parents ahead of time. No inconsistencies.

A lot of other women hinted or out right asked for gifts and money. Some had several birthdays every year!. Others would have a crisis suddenly pop up, needing my money to rescue them.

After eight years of marriage, almost all the money she sends home still comes directly from her paycheck. She went and found a house there for us back home and put down a nice down payment from savings she put aside just for that, getting us ahead there--it's almost paid for.

I love her family and I give money when and because I want to and know that every dollar goes towards a good cause. Her earnings pay a fair amount of the household bills here too. They say, "Marry a Filipina and you marry the family too"--it's true, but you don't have to go broke sending money. Same thing holds for marrying women world wide--IF you choose wisely.

RA I don’t think most posters here often encounter women or girls who come from the truly abject poverty conditions  you describe as your current wife’s background. I have been in Cali for quite a while and I’ve never heard of a girl even from the poorest barrios who would have to choose between spending forty cents on the internet or having food to eat that day. I’ve never been to the Philippines so was unaware of the extreme level of poverty in that country. I have looked  into Haiti a bit and it sounds like conditions are similar. Anyway kudos to you for having rescued her and her family from those dire straights.  Being slim and trim no doubt she had many suitors but it must have been your big heart that helped you win out over the Chicago surgeon. 

[buencamino]

Back when I was searching online my personal favorite was sending them to Western Union to get money that wasn't there. Then of course they would come back complaining saying the money wasn't there and they had to ride a bus or take a taxi there and wait in line for nothing, etc. Then I would say I made a mistake and send them back again. I've had a girl go up to 5 times before realizing I was screwing her over.


Some guys have told me it's a mean thing to do and I don't know what kinds of other things could result from playing such a mean trick on someone, but my goal is make these lying pieces of [snip] stop trying to screw over gringos.

I have never been so angry at a girl for asking for money that I would something like that.
 
But if you are really that vengefull you'll like this: a few years ago a girl in Terron Colorado was communicating with a gringo who was sending her money. Her boyfriend found out and decided to try to extort the gringo for money and he and a buddy kidnapped her. Probably through an inability to communicate with the gringo the plan didn't go anywhere...so they just killed her somewhere near Ginebra.

[Elexpatriado]

Actually, in Colombia , this type of mentality was created long before the vast majority of foreigners invaded Colombia looking for women. The culture in Colombia really changed during the Rein of the Medellin and Cali cartels..at least that is what many, many Colombians have told me...these "Marrano" gringos dando Papaya don't help much though...

Yes, expectations are only formed based on experience. Of course that pertains to many dynamics in international dating.

[benjio]

I have never been so angry at a girl for asking for money that I would something like that.
 
But if you are really that vengefull you'll like this: a few years ago a girl in Terron Colorado was communicating with a gringo who was sending her money. Her boyfriend found out and decided to try to extort the gringo for money and he and a buddy kidnapped her. Probably through an inability to communicate with the gringo the plan didn't go anywhere...so they just killed her somewhere near Ginebra.

It wasn't ever about vengence because ultimately they did me no harm. I also didn't do that to any and every girl that asked me for money. It was the situations when I was talking to a girl for a little while online (sometimes just for a couple of days) and they started feeding me obvious lies about why they needed me to send them cash for this and that. To me it was nothing more than a pratical joke being played on someone that attempted to deceive me. Tit for tat. I've been meeting and dating girls online in Latin America long enough to know when I'm dealing with one whose intention was to deceive me for her own financial gain from the get go.

[Gato4Astrid]

I have never been so angry at a girl for asking for money that I would something like that.
 
But if you are really that vengefull you'll like this: a few years ago a girl in Terron Colorado was communicating with a gringo who was sending her money. Her boyfriend found out and decided to try to extort the gringo for money and he and a buddy kidnapped her. Probably through an inability to communicate with the gringo the plan didn't go anywhere...so they just killed her somewhere near Ginebra.

Serve her rights!

[Elexpatriado]

I told  the ;ady who cut my hair and did my nails today if she thught it was "cruel" to do such a thing in such a situation..she said "no, es justo"... so there you have it from the Colombians point-of- view..
 
Next time I get a girl who asks ne for dough, I am gonna send her to Western Union 5 times, then when she finally figures it out, illl send her a message on WhatsApp:
 
NO JODAS CON LOS GRINGOS BOBA!
 
 

It wasn't ever about vengence because ultimately they did me no harm. I also didn't do that to any and every girl that asked me for money. It was the situations when I was talking to a girl for a little while online (sometimes just for a couple of days) and they started feeding me obvious lies about why they needed me to send them cash for this and that. To me it was nothing more than a pratical joke being played on someone that attempted to deceive me. Tit for tat. I've been meeting and dating girls online in Latin America long enough to know when I'm dealing with one whose intention was to deceive me for her own financial gain from the get go.

[olympicmarkets]

Actually, in Colombia , this type of mentality was created long before the vast majority of foreigners invaded Colombia looking for women. The culture in Colombia really changed during the Rein of the Medellin and Cali cartels..at least that is what many, many Colombians have told me...these "Marrano" gringos dando Papaya don't help much though...

That is very true, I have heard that before…take it for what it’s worth, Colombia is poor and women are going to use what means they have to get away with making some money, despite what “we” think about it, our opinions don’t matter that’s the state of affairs in Colombia, and even though Colombian males are cheap, they know how to play the game.

[Elexpatriado]

They're poor, but there not starving. People growing up in North America in the 30s were just as poor or even  much poorer, but didn't resort to scamming their own people or outsiders, or sleeping with saggy-balled old men- or whatever. The difference is between Colombia and other latin or other developing countries (i.e. Philipines) countries, even poorer, a lot of Colombnanas (not all) have no ethics morals or pride. Some think they are "poor" because they don't have a big house, car , false boobs false ass, and big wardrobe.
Colombian men and some Gringos know how to play the game because they have no conscience and no how to lie and play games  better than  these women.

Not every Colombian woman is bad, but every one I meet, no matter how sweet and innocent appearing,  is "Guilty until Proven Innocent". Napoleanic law applies..
 

That is very true, I have heard that before…take it for what it’s worth, Colombia is poor and women are going to use what means they have to get away with making some money, despite what “we” think about it, our opinions don’t matter that’s the state of affairs in Colombia, and even though Colombian males are cheap, they know how to play the game.

[robert angel]

RA I don’t think most posters here often encounter women or girls who come from the truly abject poverty conditions  you describe as your current wife’s background. I have been in Cali for quite a while and I’ve never heard of a girl even from the poorest barrios who would have to choose between spending forty cents on the internet or having food to eat that day. I’ve never been to the Philippines so was unaware of the extreme level of poverty in that country. I have looked  into Haiti a bit and it sounds like conditions are similar. Anyway kudos to you for having rescued her and her family from those dire straights.  Being slim and trim no doubt she had many suitors but it must have been your big heart that helped you win out over the Chicago surgeon. 

I knew my wife for 4 years before I actually went to visit her. I never knew until I actually went there--really until after I proposed, that after paying her miserable boarding house's rent and sending some money back to her parents, she was using some of her food money to pay to chat me.

She paid for the internet connection in a café, the web cam--everything. She'd work 12 or more hours a day, then go to the internet café---I'd simply get out of bed and turn on the computer from my home--her evening was my morning. I thought she was so cute, so slim and fit, (still can wear the same size clothes) but she was actually hungry sometimes, I found out later. She only told me after we met and became engaged. I felt awful after I found out. There were times she could barely afford vegetables.

She never asked--never even hinted that she wanted a peso. Pride. She had a airline pilot and a Chicago surgeon she could have picked over me, as I dragged my feet, telling her we could both see other people. She was always there when she said she'd be, or she'd tell me if she was going home to her parents ahead of time. No inconsistencies.

A lot of other women hinted or out right asked for gifts and money. Some had several birthdays every year!. Others would have a crisis suddenly pop up, needing my money to rescue them.

After eight years of marriage, almost all the money she sends home still comes directly from her paycheck. She went and found a house there for us back home and put down a nice down payment from savings she put aside just for that, getting us ahead there--it's almost paid for.

I love her family and I give money when and because I want to and know that every dollar goes towards a good cause. Her earnings pay a fair amount of the household bills here too. They say, "Marry a Filipina and you marry the family too"--it's true, but you don't have to go broke sending money. Same thing holds for marrying women world wide--IF you choose wisely.

BC, I hear you and I think I either misstated the situation or it was otherwise misunderstood. It sounds bad, but I don't think I could've married a woman who came from "Truly abject poverty".

"abject poverty"--"Of a situation or condition-- extremely bad, unpleasant, and degrading."
synonyms:   wretched, miserable, hopeless, pathetic, pitiful, pitiable, piteous, sorry, woeful, lamentable, degrading, appalling, atrocious, awful"

My first wife did have an awful childhood as an orphan--kicked around from home to home. After that, marrying someone from a more 'normal' (whatever 'normal' is) became vital. I wasn't going marry anyone because I felt sorry for them, or to be a "My Fair Lady" play character, not like 'Henry Higgins' trying to educate and otherwise bring along a cockney, bedraggled flower girl, 'Eliza Doolittle'. .

My wife came from modest means, especially by western standards. But they owned the largest farm in their small village (Barangay) village and hired more folks than anyone. They could've been much wealthier, as the villagers elected my Father-in-law Barangay Captain--the equivalent here of 'Mayor' many times, but contraire to the Filipino tradition, he didn't solicit or take bribes. And he paid and treated his fellow villagers far better than the local corporate farms did. Instead of making money from political dole or shorting the people who worked the land with him, he worked to bring  a water tower--with water finally going into people's homes, nutrition programs, a village hall, a full sized cement slab basketball court and a better electricity grid to the village, some homes never had electricity before. Whenever there was a wedding--in my wife's family or in anybody family, there, everyone helped coming together, to make it a great occasion


Because the Barangay Captain pay is based on village size, he actually spent more out of his own pocket and took a lot of time traveling as necessary into the bigger town's political center, to get things like that done. But as my wife reminds me: "It's not nice to count when you're doing good deeds." Only one time, when a guy rich from gold mining was able to buy a lot of votes, did he lose office--but the very next election, he was reelected, as they realized village values had gone down, kids were skipping school, drinking, drugs were starting to come in and as poor as the village was, they weren't going to be stupid twice and sell their votes to some gold mining guy who was poisoning the land anyway.

So our family there, especially when crops were bad, or when the world's worst natural disaster for 2012 in terms of death---typhoon Pablo, killed thousands, all but wiping the village away, and my father in law had a stroke, they did have some very, very lean years. Being remote, they had no electricity or running water for almost six months. "Abject poverty"?--nah--they never saw it that way--Filipino's typically think the people worse off then them are the ones who are poor and need help. If people have died and they're left alive, they thank God for saving their family members, while praying for the dead's souls.

They've rebuilt pretty much and her father's health's recovered some too, but like before, they don't have a car or a lot of things like we do here. They have fewer distractions too.

So poor? In a monetary sense, I suppose, but again,there are so many around them who are much worse off--it's a relative term. While my family there ate more rice, vegies and fruit than meat sometimes, they were always able to scratch up enough money to put all seven siblings through private, parochial schools and all seven (well, one to go...) went on  to universities, graduating as Nurses, Engineers, a Mid Wife, Merchant Mariners, etc. Holding onto the land, and education are their highest priorities.


The family's plan from the start was for all their children to grow up with traditional farm values, to serve God and the community and to never, ever think that just because they had land, that they were any better than anyone else. If the kids were able to do  that and were responsible enough, (as they were) their parents sacrificed further to make sure they got to then go to the 'big city' and get not just a college education, but an education into the more sophisticated and sometimes bad ways of life in big cities. That was only once they were able to handle it--vices and all. Like so many college students, they lived in sometimes shabby boarding houses like my wife did.


While her parents both are college graduates too, they long ago decided the agricultural life that is quieter and simpler was more their style. In good times, they'd buy a little more land, but no matter if times got bad, they'd hold onto the land. Sometimes things got rough economically and they had to borrow against crops yet to harvest, to afford private school tuition, books and uniforms for their 7 kids. That was a gamble, but meanwhile, they had a lot of time between planting and harvesting to spend together and somehow it all worked out and continues to do so.

Their days are longer and more meaningful--more smiles and laughter. They would not like life in the USA, we don't think. Each day, the family spent (spends) hours together in the home, or helping other villagers, maybe doing church activities or preparing for festivals and in recent years, even having dances and fun altogether in the recreational area that they all built together. They have time to kick back, to sometimes get bored and times to marvel at life's 'little things' --things that many of us don't even notice.

Fortunately, they were never desperately poor, especially when compared to others. When things were rough, and sometimes they certainly did get rough--they prayed and eventually things actually did (and do) get better for them.

So, they don't have cars, big screen TVs, fancy clothes or jewels, but their days seem so much longer than ours in the USA, with time pleasant times spent with family and friends, long meals eaten together, music, the smell of fruit and sound of laughter in the air. When they pray, they give thanks for whatever they have, instead of praying for more 'things'.

Here in the USA, we live in a nice subdivision, with a swimming pool and tennis, but we don't know most of our neighbors. We lock all our doors at night and when we come home from our sometimes stressful jobs, we grab a quick dinner, watch some stupid TV and go to bed. Then we wonder ''Where the heck did the day--with 12 plus hours of light go?''--We realize we hardly laughed, hardly had any meaningful time together and that we're tired and just waiting for the next weekend. It's Sunday afternoon here now and my wife and I are already marveling at what a nice time we've had this weekend, wishing we had Monday off too--sort of dreading work.

They're not like that back in her village. Sometimes when my wife is down hearted and the rat race here get disheartening, she thinks that moving home would be a good idea. But then again, she worries if I could handle the difference in life there, she is also working here, making good money--more than she ever could back home, to put her youngest sister through nursing school! And then there will be nieces, nephews and God children probably, LOL....

Who's richer--who's happier? Life is strange sometimes

[Elexpatriado]

" I wasn't going marry anyone because I felt sorry for them, or to be a "My Fair Lady" play character, not like 'Henry Higgins' trying to educate and otherwise bring along a cockney, bedraggled flower girl, 'Eliza Doolittle'. .
 
The Colombians don't understand me when I try to explain it that way. Not many Colombians read GB Shaw. But they do understand the Phrase "Capitan Salva Puta"....
 

[robert angel]

Elexpatriado,

You generally come off pretty straight forward and low key, but I have the sense you've read a good book or two in your time--probably still do. My grandparents on my Irish side did too. They were living proof you didn't have be rich to be educated or to have a degree in order to be 'educated'.

Poverty doesn't automatically equal uneducated. They came from awful, to the point of hunger poverty in Ireland and got off the boat in N YC w/o high school degrees, so poor that they "Didn't have a pot to piss in--or a window to throw it out of". Then they faced discrimination in the USA. Even though there was some sort of pre welfare public aid available, they refused it. They'd take apart worn socks and sweaters, reusing the yarn.

I recall them coming to our house and reading the entire Encyclopedia Britannica Scientifica, from A to Z for FUN! They could do the London or New York Times cross word puzzle in INK, w/o using any reference books, could recite great works of literature verbatim (but only if some passing reference happened to come up) and while they never made much money in their life times, they never asked their kids--my parents, Aunt and Uncles, once they grew up, for money. But they were wealthy in many other ways.

They weren't much fun to play in Scrabble though--they always won!

[Gato4Astrid]

Many people all over the world are spoilt and greedy


My sister's 13 years old daughter wants to have an Apple Mac computer because she wants to become a graphic designer in the future.  My sister isn't very rich woman but will buy one for her.   I pointed out to my sister that buying an Apple Mac computer is not going to make her becoming a great graphic designer.  It is down to her creativity and experience.


When I was at her age, I lived with my single mother who worked as a domestic cleaner in an hotel.   I did not ask her for an expensive football  (USA called it 'soccer') boots.   In fact, I got the cheapest one in my class, and I was the best footballer in the class.  Expensive boots weren't going to make me into the best footballer.  It is down to self-belief!


I have seen many women wanting the 'best' one possible based in the name.   My ex-girlfriend (12 years ago) wanted a SAMSUNG mobile phone but she knew NOTHING about mobile phone before I bought her. 

[bcc_1_2]

But if your living in Colombia..got dozens to choose from..you have a lot more freedom as to what you can accept..obviously if you are making 5 times what a "Professional" Colombiana makes, you are gonna pay for the meals..part of the culture..but I draw the line on Anybody directly asking for money or gifts...they survived before I was there, thay can survive after..there are 60 year old Colombian Taxi drivers here with 18-20 year old GFs, who dont have enough money to rub 2 coins together..don't let any of these women railroad you into something you  are not comfortable with..let your conscience do the talking..

Potentially confusing for the women though. They are with you partially for financial reasons so how do they learn the rules of game as to not offend you?

[DRGUY1]

Potentially confusing for the women though. They are with you partially for financial reasons so how do they learn the rules of game as to not offend you?

That's an excellent point BCC, not sure how they learn those rules to be honest.


It got me thinking though. What do we determine is ok and when does it appear it is crossing the line?


I make probably 15-20x times what my girl makes as income, so I pay for our dates, meals and drinks…. I also pay for all taxi's.


I even paid for her passport and visa, but there is no way she could pay for these. She's not poor, but she also doesn't have that type of available funds to pay for these type of expenses.


I pay for all the dates I go on here in the US too? so why should that be any different for someone in her position really?…To BCC's astute point, how will she know what to accept and what becomes a liberty.


Now if she called me to pay her rent, brought her friends out to our dinners or asked me to go shopping with her so she could point things out---then I'd start to maybe second guess her intentions.


I think it's different for everyone and really you have to look at the whole picture to determine how your viewed to her? a true partner or ATM?


Where's the line?

[Gato4Astrid]

That's an excellent point BCC, not sure how they learn those rules to be honest.


It got me thinking though. What do we determine is ok and when does it appear it is crossing the line?


I make probably 15-20x times what my girl makes as income, so I pay for our dates, meals and drinks…. I also pay for all taxi's.


I even paid for her passport and visa, but there is no way she could pay for these. She's not poor, but she also doesn't have that type of available funds to pay for these type of expenses.


I pay for all the dates I go on here in the US too? so why should that be any different for someone in her position really?…To BCC's astute point, how will she know what to accept and what becomes a liberty.


Now if she called me to pay her rent, brought her friends out to our dinners or asked me to go shopping with her so she could point things out---then I'd start to maybe second guess her intentions.


I think it's different for everyone and really you have to look at the whole picture to determine how your viewed to her? a true partner or ATM?


Where's the line?

+1 for you and +1 BCC

[Gato4Astrid]

In addition to what DRGUY1 has written......

When I had with my 1st novia (Bogota), she brought her friend without my knowledge, and they walked in a rather expensive restaurant.  They sat down on the table, assuming I approved the menu !!!  (WTF).

I ordered main menu, but my novia told the waiter what we were having.  I had no idea what they wanted.   Starter course (soup) came in for these 2 girls.   I told her I did not realise that they were having a starter too.   Her replied was "You never asked"      I thought she was really rude because I am the one who is going to pay for the food!    They did not finish the starter and also did not even eat half of the main dinner!

Back at home, they do not eat food very much, but with me, they ordered as much as possible - like a week worth of food!

That was the line that they really crossed!  She did not bother to consult me or asked if I were hungry.  I was a goddamn ATM !!

[bcc_1_2]

That's an excellent point BCC, not sure how they learn those rules to be honest.


It got me thinking though. What do we determine is ok and when does it appear it is crossing the line?


I make probably 15-20x times what my girl makes as income, so I pay for our dates, meals and drinks…. I also pay for all taxi's.


I even paid for her passport and visa, but there is no way she could pay for these. She's not poor, but she also doesn't have that type of available funds to pay for these type of expenses.


I pay for all the dates I go on here in the US too? so why should that be any different for someone in her position really?…To BCC's astute point, how will she know what to accept and what becomes a liberty.


Now if she called me to pay her rent, brought her friends out to our dinners or asked me to go shopping with her so she could point things out---then I'd start to maybe second guess her intentions.


I think it's different for everyone and really you have to look at the whole picture to determine how your viewed to her? a true partner or ATM?


Where's the line?

I think the line is whatever two people from different cultures agree on. If the relationship is fun and the sex is good maybe have that frank conversation. The guys I've talked to over the years that are living overseas are rarely interested in settling down. Most of the time they are out playing the field. I just don't see the point of a guy getting all bent out of shape if his much younger girlfriend decides to test the boundaries of the relationship. Unless you are dense you already know that you relationship is based partly on finances. Ideally she cares about you, but at the same time the only way she knows the boundaries is for you to set them. Imagine going from barely scraping by to nice things... I'd say if she is fun to date and the sex is great then why don't you give her a chance to understand the rules of the "game" you wish to play by. Then she can chose if she'd like to partake or not.

But for that 50 plus gringo wanting the 20 year old... it's time to smell the coffee. If you want a relationship without the financial aspect maybe date a girl born in the early 80s instead of the mid 90s.

[benjio]

In addition to what DRGUY1 has written......

When I had with my 1st novia (Bogota), she brought her friend without my knowledge, and they walked in a rather expensive restaurant.  They sat down on the table, assuming I approved the menu !!!  (WTF).

I ordered main menu, but my novia told the waiter what we were having.  I had no idea what they wanted.   Starter course (soup) came in for these 2 girls.   I told her I did not realise that they were having a starter too.   Her replied was "You never asked"      I thought she was really rude because I am the one who is going to pay for the food!    They did not finish the starter and also did not even eat half of the main dinner!

Back at home, they do not eat food very much, but with me, they ordered as much as possible - like a week worth of food!

That was the line that they really crossed!  She did not bother to consult me or asked if I were hungry.  I was a goddamn ATM !!

Been there with a girl I took out in Cali. She brought TWO friends on a FIRST DATE and they all started ordering all kinds of cocktails and food. When I asked why she brought two friends she said she didn't know me and was afraid to come alone. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and snuck out of the restaurant after I ordered a few things for myself. I have no idea how they paid the check and I don't give a damn either. It's actually too bad as all three of them were at least 8's.


I'm sorry but these days I absolutely refuse to be taken advantage of. And anyone who tries usually isn't going to be happy with the results.

[Ray]

I hear these stories all the time here about how some young lady made them feel like an ATM machine while they went all the way over there to visit her. Or how she brought along her uninvited friends for a dinner date and ordered up all the most expensive stuff on the menu.
　
There is a simple way to avoid all the ill feelings, embarrassing confrontations, and at the same time put the lady’s financial skills to the test so you can see first hand how she respects your money and is able to budget funds.
　
Assuming that you have already been corresponding/communicating with her before your visit, and you feel reasonably sure that she is genuine and a possible candidate for marriage, try turning over to her your allowed budget for the entire time of the visit on the first day of your arrival.
　
You should have a good idea how much you expect to spend, or can afford to spend, during your visit. Bring that amount in cash and tell her that you would like to let her hold your money for you and pay for all of your expenses during your stay, with the exception of your hotel bills which you can handle with a credit card.
　
Tell her explicitly that this is all you have to spend for your trip and when that is gone, there isn’t any more money. If she spends it all in a very short time, tell her you have to go home now because you are broke.
　
This will serve the dual purpose of showing that you trust her while allowing you to observe first hand how she handles money. Let her pay for everything…meals, transportation, sight seeing, souvenirs to take home, tips, everything. Let her pick the restaurants/clubs/entertainment, whatever. Let her do most all of the ordering for food and drinks also.
　
This tactic will take all that budgeting pressure off of you and put the responsibility squarely on her shoulders. She will more than likely gladly accept the responsibility and want to show you how she can handle things.
 
What if she blows all of your money in a couple of days, or worse, runs out on you and disappears with your money? Isn’t a few hundred or a thousand dollars or whatever well worth it if you find out before you get serious or marry her and then later learn the hard way that she only thinks of you as an ATM machine?
　
I have used this tactic when visiting or dating foreign women whom I barely knew and I have never been ripped off. I know friends and co-workers who have used this method also and were pleasantly surprised at the results. Let her show her responsibility and respect for your money, or lack thereof. She should never be told that this is any kind of test, only that you are afraid of being robbed, or that you don’t know how to bargain prices in her country, or anything along those lines.
　
You can tell her what type of activities you would prefer, or what kind of shopping you would like to do for souvenirs, etc., but let her make most all of the decisions on how much to spend and where to spend it. If there is money left over after your visit/date, then you can decide if you want to keep what she has left over, or let her have it for herself.
　
And don’t be surprised if she opts for some home cooked meals instead of eating out at expensive restaurants every day. Or suggesting a short walk instead of a taxi ride.
 
Of course, just in case, I would recommend keeping a hundred or two in your shoe so that you can still have a little fun on your own if she does split on you... 
 
 
Give it some thought…
　
Ray

[Awesome]

Been there with a girl I took out in Cali. She brought TWO friends on a FIRST DATE and they all started ordering all kinds of cocktails and food. When I asked why she brought two friends she said she didn't know me and was afraid to come alone. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and snuck out of the restaurant after I ordered a few things for myself. I have no idea how they paid the check and I don't give a damn either. It's actually too bad as all three of them were at least 8's.

This is hard to believe.  If you did actually do that, you do realize that somebody had to pay that bill?  Most likely the mesero was out a whole week's pay.

[benjio]

This is hard to believe.  If you did actually do that, you do realize that somebody had to pay that bill?  Most likely the mesero was out a whole week's pay.

I could tell you lots of unbelievable stories about my experiences dating in Latin America. That one isn't far fetched at all! I was almost sure all three were prepagos after they arrived. Lots of name brand skimpy gear, high end bags, fruity stripper spray filling up the air around them, heavy makeup, lots of internal plastic accesories, etc. I seriously doubt they didn't have enough money to pay for what they ordered. And if they didn't, I seriously doubt not one out of all three of them didn't have some guy to call that would come and pay for it.


I met the girl on Colombian Cupid two days prior. I sent her an "Interested" poke and she sent me back a message in English, apparently seeing I was from the U.S. but staying in Colombia at the time. Her pictures were pretty hot so I was doubtful about her being the same person in her profile but she seemed genuine enough and sent me her FB page with a lot more pics. For some reason when we finally met up she assumed I didn't speak Spanish. Her English wasn't good at all but she could communicate. Running up the tab was the first offense. When her friends started making little underhanded comments in Spanish thinking I didn't understand them I was done. Again, I don't do this to every single girl trying to get something out of me. Just those who blatantly try to take advantage of me and assume I'm some dumb gringo that doesn't know better. Lesson One from the Dennis Levy dating guide is one I'll never forget. Meet on neutral ground where you can control the situation. The girl had no idea where I was staying in Cali. All she had was a temporary cell phone number, my CC Profile and a Facebook page.


I will admit that during my last trip to Jamie's I met a girl from his agency and went out with her one night. We had a very good date. The next date, she brought her Mom, little sister and her little cousin to the restaurant. The only reason I let it slide was because of the two little girls; but I didn't call her again. Two days later she called the agency and asked was I upset about her bringing her other family members. I said no, but it wasn't a good idea.


I'm getting the impression a lot of guys here are ready and willing to give most Colombianas the benefit of the doubt and feel sorry for the the people I've done these things to. I give everyone a chance, but don't cross me. Make no mistake gentleman, these people will eat you alive. Back to Buencamino's comment...If I wanted to get revenge on someone in Colombia there are people I know. And I can assure you it would be much worse than making a blank trip to Western Union or being left with a restaurant bill. I for one don't feel bad for people when they try to screw someone else over and it backfires.