Biggest Misconceptions about this process

[Researcher]

Another really laughable Misconception some  guys have , is "age makes no difference in Colombia"


Yeah age makes little difference if your a Viejo Verde and your dando papaya..


I tell all those self proclaimed wrinkled, pot-bellied, saggy-balled, leaky-assed "studs" in thier 60s with the "Novias" in thier 20s, if age makes no difference, why don't you go with a woman in her 80s...man do they get pissed off....then I say, if age makes no difference, quit paying the bills, taking her on trips, taking her to fancy restaurants- then see how far it goes..they get really pissed off when I say that...the truth hurts, doesn't it???


And if its a serious relationship, I tell them "you married that girl? Do you really think she will be wiping your ass in 20 years, or she wont be there with here hands in your pocket even before your body is cold?" if it lasts that long and you tolerate all her "Mossos" and other [snip]..

Hahaha! A lot of truth there. Then there are the gringos who know the score but don't care. They are in it to have a young woman around. I have ran across both scenarios. I was always surprised how some guys didn't see what was really going on. The guys who knew the truth just figured if the gal ran off the so what? They would just replace them.

[Elexpatriado]

Yeah.. I guess eventually you get "desensitized"..just like the front long soldiers do...then its just a power struggle..with the guy having the upper hand...no real "equal" relation..certainly no way to raise a family...you can be sure she will use any children as "pawns" in the power struggle..
 

Hahaha! A lot of truth there. Then there are the gringos who know the score but don't care. They are in it to have a young woman around. I have ran across both scenarios. I was always surprised how some guys didn't see what was really going on. The guys who knew the truth just figured if the gal ran off the so what? They would just replace them.

[InnocentVixen]

Yes, the greencard and the drug horror story must be the biggest ones up there for this process in general for the guys.


For the women, specially if she is going somewhere that sounds exotic to her peers it's sexual slavery I think.


Some others, not about the process but about the people:
- latinos/mexicans only date their kind, so I will act like one of them and problem solved.
- telenovelas, dancing and having babies, this is what women like over there.
- tourist visa? ha! she is either lying or she is rich.


W and I had a good laugh about his workmates reactions when he said he would be coming to Mexico, they asked, isn't it dangerous?... this coming from people driving around minefields on daily basis in Afghanistan...

[Chris F]

Here's another one that really bugs me:  "The men are only looking for submissive women" there is a huge difference between "traditional" and "submissive"; but you wouldn't know it reading and listening to what American women say about it.


I think it is very hard for AW to justify why certain men would actually prefer foreign ladies, so they have to rationalize it by saying this…This thinking takes the onus of them and makes us the one with the problem/issue…


Clearly we want submissive women, why else would we be doing this right?...

Very true!!
 
Its amazing that anyone would believe the majority of guys here  who have been married for many years now ( including myself- nine years) married a Stepford Wife?

I have read too many to count crash and burn stories over the years here with marriages primarily coming from Colombia, doe anyone really believe that all those women who were once married to gringos were submissive as well?



Here something else to be aware of DR GUY  If anyone is looking for a Type B personality, they better know Spanish FLUENTLY to really to be able to understand her completely. Otherwise they are not going to find out she is really more of an A type personality until much much later in the relationship which could means after she arrives here in the U.S.A.
 
 
 
 
 
 

[robert angel]

Yes, the greencard and the drug horror story must be the biggest ones up there for this process in general for the guys.


For the women, specially if she is going somewhere that sounds exotic to her peers it's sexual slavery I think.


Some others, not about the process but about the people:
- latinos/mexicans only date their kind, so I will act like one of them and problem solved.
- telenovelas, dancing and having babies, this is what women like over there.
- tourist visa? ha! she is either lying or she is rich.


W and I had a good laugh about his workmates reactions when he said he would be coming to Mexico, they asked, isn't it dangerous?... this coming from people driving around minefields on daily basis in Afghanistan...

A lot of the above from the women's side pertains to Filipinas as well. In fact they have to take a "CFO" (Council of Foreign Affairs?) course before they can get their visa and passport stamped to leave to marry a foreigner. In the CFO course, they are told all about the 'man devils' overseas from the teachers and all kinds of stories abound I'm sure. Both sides are well aware of the green card and various visa shark tales out there and the thought that any marriage with significant age differences must be a joke.


And yea, the joke that the women are typically submissive little things is known there too. And about as true as me being twenty feet tall. If a guy can't keep the house together and food on the table, a good Filipina will do so and if he's abusive and won't straighten up, she'll kick him out and somehow still get by.


Out in public, if I can't read what my wife's trying to tell me (and the beautiful brown eyes can go from totally, intensely hot to ice cold in seconds), a hidden little pinch, squeeze of the hand or even a little kick under the table to my shin, more than makes up for my lack of expertise in her native language. Does wonders for my tact and manners though! But being pretty much the traditional 'well mannered 'lady' she is, any choice words she has for me are delivered outside of the public eye later on. (Tip--take the long way home)

[Elexpatriado]

 
In Colombia ,the "A" in type "A" personality stands for "Arpia"....
 
 
http://www.seresmitologicos.net/voladores/arpia
 
 

Very true!!
 
Its amazing that anyone would believe the majority of guys here  who have been married for many years now ( including myself- nine years) married a Stepford Wife?

I have read too many to count crash and burn stories over the years here with marriages primarily coming from Colombia, doe anyone really believe that all those women who were once married to gringos were submissive as well?



Here something else to be aware of DR GUY  If anyone is looking for a Type B personality, they better know Spanish FLUENTLY to really to be able to understand her completely. Otherwise they are not going to find out she is really more of an A type personality until much much later in the relationship which could means after she arrives here in the U.S.A.

[mambocowboy]

Here something else to be aware of DR GUY  If anyone is looking for a Type B personality, they better know Spanish FLUENTLY to really to be able to understand her completely. Otherwise they are not going to find out she is really more of an A type personality until much much later in the relationship which could means after she arrives here in the U.S.A.

Fellas, learn Spanish as fluently as possible and get to know your lady, her family, and their culture better before you dive into marriage.  You and she will both be better off in the long run. It doesn't even require a ton of visits. Use the Skype time to have real conversations about your future and ask tough questions. If you don't ask tough questions now, you'll find out the answers eventually and they might not be what you want to hear...

[robert angel]

Very true!!
 
Its amazing that anyone would believe the majority of guys here  who have been married for many years now ( including myself- nine years) married a Stepford Wife?

I have read too many to count crash and burn stories over the years here with marriages primarily coming from Colombia, doe anyone really believe that all those women who were once married to gringos were submissive as well?



Here something else to be aware of DR GUY  If anyone is looking for a Type B personality, they better know Spanish FLUENTLY to really to be able to understand her completely. Otherwise they are not going to find out she is really more of an A type personality until much much later in the relationship which could means after she arrives here in the U.S.A.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Fellas, learn Spanish as fluently as possible and get to know your lady, her family, and their culture better before you dive into marriage.  You and she will both be better off in the long run. It doesn't even require a ton of visits. Use the Skype time to have real conversations about your future and ask tough questions. If you don't ask tough questions now, you'll find out the answers eventually and they might not be what you want to hear...

Now there's a lot of good stuff here, but those seem to be the best words of wisdom heard in these parts. Easier said than done for sure, but could make things a lot better in the long run.

[Alabamaboy!]

the biggest misconception gringos have is they don't realize that their king-like status in Colombia will be reversed when their wife gets here. When your wife gets here, you are no longer the exotic catch, she is, and she will realize that because she'll be getting hit on constantly....

I have been married 3 years so far and have not experienced this. My wife is gorgeous but there are many other beautiful women here in AZ and San Diego area. So it is not like she sticks out from the rest of the pack. I imagine if she was going out with friends all night, drinking and partying she would get hit on more. But if she is part of a family like we have it is much less likely. I bet she was getting hit on ALOT more in Colombia than here. Plus I treat my wife like a precious possession and take great care of her and don't leave her laying around where she might be taken. If you allow your wife to work as a cocktail waitress in a bar frequented by rich businessmen or professional athletes it is probably not a good idea.

[mambocowboy]

I have been married 3 years so far and have not experienced this. My wife is gorgeous but there are many other beautiful women here in AZ and San Diego area. So it is not like she sticks out from the rest of the pack. I imagine if she was going out with friends all night, drinking and partying she would get hit on more. But if she is part of a family like we have it is much less likely. I bet she was getting hit on ALOT more in Colombia than here. Plus I treat my wife like a precious possession and take great care of her and don't leave her laying around where she might be taken. If you allow your wife to work as a cocktail waitress in a bar frequented by rich businessmen or professional athletes it is probably not a good idea.

My wife takes English classes and drives around to appointments, to see her girlfriends, takes our daughter to the park, and doing grocery shopping. She loves being able to do things on her own, to help me out with errands while I'm at work, and I like her to develop some independence as I feel it's healthy for her and for our relationship over the long term.  To each his own...

[Alabamaboy!]

I hear you mambo. But some guys literally let their wives do some crazy stuff like work as cocktail waitresses at Hooters or something like that. To me that is crazy and shows the lady lack of respect. Like you are treating her like trash. Maybe even sending the signal u are more interested in her earning potential than having her as a wife. Absolutely nothing wrong with what you are writing. Just my opinion. Happy New Years guys!

[Ray]

...some guys literally let their wives do some crazy stuff like work as cocktail waitresses at Hooters or something like that. To me that is crazy and shows the lady lack of respect. Like you are treating her like trash. Maybe even sending the signal u are more interested in her earning potential than having her as a wife.

I understand your point AB, but if your wife decides ahe wants to take a job like that. there is NOTHING you can do to stop her, short of voicing your disapproval.
 
Happy New Year!
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Elexpatriado]

If yer "wife" wants to be a cocktail waitress at hooters- sorry- you married yerself a Puta and yer tryin to be "Capn Salva-Puta"..my deepest condolences..
 

I understand your point AB, but if your wife decides ahe wants to take a job like that. there is NOTHING you can do to stop her, short of voicing your disapproval.
 
Happy New Year!
 
 
Ray

[Alabamaboy!]

I understand your point AB, but if your wife decides ahe wants to take a job like that. there is NOTHING you can do to stop her, short of voicing your disapproval.
 
Happy New Year!
 
 
Ray

If it is something like that where it is against the grain of what you believe your wife should or should not do, and she does not budge when you talk with her, you can divorce her. Nobody needs a woman that bad that they need to change their ethics or values to appease her. But you are right some guys just throw up their hands and say "well I tried" and get walked on by the wife.

[benjio]

Damn...pretty low opinion of Hooter Girls around here! LOL!    I have a couple of male friends in Houston that are married to Hooters Girls and it doesn't seem to affect their relationship as far as I know. Would I approve of my wife doing it? Probably not. But I'd make sure I was in a position to get her anything Hooter's money would buy her. In the case of my friends, they both really need the money. And let's face it, Hooters Girls do a lot better than your average waitress.
 
Makes me think though...let's say you're single and wife hunting in Any Country, Latin America and you start dating a girl that's a bikini model. Not the classy Vitoria's Secret Catalog stuff either. Some of the more raunchy, ass out stuff I'm sure most of you have seen in Colombia. And please don't give me some BS story about how you'd never date a gorgeous bikini model because of her occupation. She ends up being a good woman though, loves you deeply, is faithful, supportive, cooks, cleans, wants to get married and start a family...the whole 9 yards. But she's a bikini model and makes good money doing it. Even worse, she's relatively young and has a chance to continue working in the same industry once she gets to the states. Even after she has a baby. Once you get married does she have to stop? That's what she did when you met her, right? There's technically the same moral issue at hand if your wife was working at Hooters, right?
 
Where is the line drawn and what issues would each of you have with your wife making a living that way? If you were a professional athlete and her response when you expressed your disapproval was she's using her God-given physical attributes to make a living just like you are, how would you respond? I'm just curious as it sounds to me like none of you would approve of your wife using her sexuality and/or beauty to earn a living.

[DRGUY1]

To me it get's back to being confident in yourself and trusting your relationship.


If I hear one more story on this board about the "fear" and how to stop your woman from leaving or running off with the next guy as soon as your bring her back stateside, I think I'm going to throw up.


It's real simple... treat her well, be a real man and not a wussy, have confidence, please her  , and she is not going anywhere.

Woman can sniff out insecurity a mile away. I always think woman are lucky to be out with me and I project that.

[robert angel]

I hear you mambo. But some guys literally let their wives do some crazy stuff like work as cocktail waitresses at Hooters or something like that. To me that is crazy and shows the lady lack of respect. Like you are treating her like trash. Maybe even sending the signal u are more interested in her earning potential than having her as a wife. Absolutely nothing wrong with what you are writing. Just my opinion. Happy New Years guys!

I understand your point AB, but if your wife decides ahe wants to take a job like that. there is NOTHING you can do to stop her, short of voicing your disapproval.
 
Happy New Year!
 
 
Ray
 
 

I'd like to think that before you marry someone, you'd have a pretty good idea of what kind of work each other's cut out for, as well as what kind of work they're not likely to pursue. Sure in some extreme circumstances, McDonalds or yes, even Hotters might be last ditch measures to stop from losing the farm, but out of mutual respect, I think a couple ought to discuss each prospective job with each other before hand. In today's crazy economy, people will go to desperate measures.

it's not easy, but if you're together on the decision, it's likely to work out better. When my wife first got here, she was in such a hurry to work that she would've applied to McDonalds if I said it was OK. Nothing really wrong with working there, but it was very out of line with her work history, so I said 'No'.

My wife always asks me if she can go to our small, private gym or walk around the lake--she's worried she's gained two 'holiday pounds'. lately. She just asked me this evening if she can go for dinner out with a couple lady friends of ours that we know--one is having issues and is pretty much isolated at home with 2 babies and a husband who's never home. I explained it was my last Friday from a long time off of work, that we could go out just her and I and she immediately reminded me I could say "no". It's nice to have line item veto power, but you have to use it wisely.


As time goes by, I don't think that its so much purely an "Asian thing" that once she loses respect for you, its over--that your marriage is toast, probably beyond the help of marriage counseling--it's pretty common today--no respect anymore = marriage's last days. For another thing,  I don't think foreign women are as receptive to marriage counseling as N. American women are. It's kind of 'California foreign' to them. While the "Respect thing" is 100% the case w/ us. (I strongly assume) I think it holds true with most women from predominantly Christian nations. Gotta have it, and hard to hide when it's not there.

[Elexpatriado]

 
If she was a professional and educated she wouldnt have to be a "Bikini Model" . Those type of girls are good to be "Amigas con Derechas" ...you sure dont marry them...

Damn...pretty low opinion of Hooter Girls around here! LOL!    I have a couple of male friends in Houston that are married to Hooters Girls and it doesn't seem to affect their relationship as far as I know. Would I approve of my wife doing it? Probably not. But I'd make sure I was in a position to get her anything Hooter's money would buy her. In the case of my friends, they both really need the money. And let's face it, Hooters Girls do a lot better than your average waitress.
 
Makes me think though...let's say you're single and wife hunting in Any Country, Latin America and you start dating a girl that's a bikini model. Not the classy Vitoria's Secret Catalog stuff either. Some of the more raunchy, ass out stuff I'm sure most of you have seen in Colombia. And please don't give me some BS story about how you'd never date a gorgeous bikini model because of her occupation. She ends up being a good woman though, loves you deeply, is faithful, supportive, cooks, cleans, wants to get married and start a family...the whole 9 yards. But she's a bikini model and makes good money doing it. Even worse, she's relatively young and has a chance to continue working in the same industry once she gets to the states. Even after she has a baby. Once you get married does she have to stop? That's what she did when you met her, right? There's technically the same moral issue at hand if your wife was working at Hooters, right?
 
Where is the line drawn and what issues would each of you have with your wife making a living that way? If you were a professional athlete and her response when you expressed your disapproval was she's using her God-given physical attributes to make a living just like you are, how would you respond? I'm just curious as it sounds to me like none of you would approve of your wife using her sexuality and/or beauty to earn a living.

[Researcher]

My wife takes English classes and drives around to appointments, to see her girlfriends, takes our daughter to the park, and doing grocery shopping. She loves being able to do things on her own, to help me out with errands while I'm at work, and I like her to develop some independence as I feel it's healthy for her and for our relationship over the long term.  To each his own...

Nah, there is always something you can do. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down with these Colombians or they will walk all over you. If a guy let's that happen he is toast anyway. I say if a woman wants to do something then she can get ready to live with a bastard. Being Mr Nice Guy gets you nowhere.

[mambocowboy]

Nah, there is always something you can do. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down with these Colombians or they will walk all over you. If a guy let's that happen he is toast anyway. I say if a woman wants to do something then she can get ready to live with a bastard. Being Mr Nice Guy gets you nowhere.

Not sure who you're referring to. I'm secure enough in myself that I want my wife to feel empowered. I don't think driving a car or taking English classes is anything risqué, and any guy who does insecure.

[Researcher]

Not sure who you're referring to. I'm secure enough in myself that I want my wife to feel empowered. I don't think driving a car or taking English classes is anything risqué, and any guy who does insecure.

I thought the issue was working at Hooters or something like that. My bad if that is the case. Taking English or learning to drive is no problem. There are limits though. Some guys may be OK the let their wives work as a stripper but then they usually get beaned in the head with a frying pan. No wonder that happens.

[robert angel]

Not sure who you're referring to. I'm secure enough in myself that I want my wife to feel empowered. I don't think driving a car or taking English classes is anything risqué, and any guy who does insecure.

Agreed. I don't want a pretty, caged bird. They just don't sing as sweetly.

[Alabamaboy!]

This is not my first marriage so I am not desperate to be married. All of these things should be discussed and agreed upon before the wedding. So if you are not on the same page with ussues like these you should not get marrued in the first place.But that does not guarantee people don't change their mind as the years go on. I am very sure my wife would not stay married if I was working nights doing some kind of equivalent work rather than being home with her and the kids. But to each his own. Everybody has their own opinion on what marriage is and also what kind of things they can tolerate or not. I hate to even bring it up but I will since the board is looking pretty slim these days...but even something as appearingly simple as if my gf stated she wanted to have a baby but then immediately start the University full time to pursue her dream career....I would cut her loose before marrying her because that was not what I was looking for. I was looking for exactly what we have here right now. Everyone does their part. Nobody is stressed. I could easily be making a lot more money or making excuses to do things that to others seem more important or valuable than changing my sons diaper, but in reality I prefer to be with my family as much as possible and so does my wife. So we are in synch on that very important issue. I am not saying that others are wrong for doing things differently. It is all in what each of you are looking for. If you think "love conquers all", and you can somehow work around huge issues like that I think you are looking for trouble. The street goes both ways however and I am also conscious to what I am supposed to be bringing to the table as a man and husband. And if I start letting her down or change the plan drastically to something I already know she does not like, then I would not be surprised to be served with divorce papers one day.

[Alabamaboy!]

To me it get's back to being confident in yourself and trusting your relationship.


If I hear one more story on this board about the "fear" and how to stop your woman from leaving or running off with the next guy as soon as your bring her back stateside, I think I'm going to throw up.


It's real simple... treat her well, be a real man and not a wussy, have confidence, please her  , and she is not going anywhere.

Woman can sniff out insecurity a mile away. I always think woman are lucky to be out with me and I project that.

Colombian women can also sniff out weak men who do not "take care of their women". Most of them I have met expect and want their husband to be a little possevive with such a valuable part of their life.I can hear the guys at the bar now "come on home with me after work tonight baby. What kind of real man lets their wife work nights like this?" And I believe most women would prefer not to work like that if the did not need to. It looks like many guys here would not like it either. So after awhile, night after night I think it wear a girl down. If I was a pro athlete I would not expect the marriage to work out so well for the long run for the same reasons. Hell even most women would not think badly of you if you had horny groupies waiting for you in every city. If my girl was a professional bikini model and truly a 10 I would not mess with her. Too much trouble and does not fit into the lifestyle. But if I had no kids and did not want any in the future, and had tons of cash to travel around and keep things interesting, hell yeah I would do it. But with my eyes wide open knowing it is probably going to be a short term thing. To be pretty is one thing. But to make money by being young and beautiful does not seem to be a good match for most marriage minded guys. Have you seen the extremes that some of these beauties go to hang on to their beauty and stay relevant? Oftentimes is not a pretty scene. Years ago bought a fresh new black Escalade . And then I kept upgrading the wheels, rims, exhaust, everything. But after a few years started breaking down like any other car. And the monthly bill for fuel, insurance, everything was super high. At the end of 3 years or so I had learned a very valuable lesson. The vegucle was worth a small fraction of what i had "invested" in it. With many many headaches to boot. My life is much better now driving a Honda. I could not wait to get rid of that Escalade. But again everyone is different and they would be much happier with the show piece.

[AndyLee]

And then I kept upgrading the wheels, rims, exhaust, everything. But after a few years started breaking down like any other car. And the monthly bill for fuel, insurance, everything was super high. At the end of 3 years or so I had learned a very valuable lesson. The vegucle was worth a small fraction of what i had "invested" in it. With many many headaches to boot. My life is much better now driving a Honda. I could not wait to get rid of that Escalade. But again everyone is different and they would be much happier with the show piece.

heh, heh, this reminds me of my first Colombiana girlfriend. She was a former Miss Antioquia, certainly a 10 in her youth and still a 9.5 when I met her. We lived together for 4 months and it was a lot of fun mixed with a lot of her being unhappy and stressed. I never met a woman more neurotic and self-centered. A month after we met she got a boob job, which she payed for herself, not because she wanted bigger boobs but because the left one was slightly larger than the right one and she couldn't bear to wear a bikini because she felt ugly. Even though she was always the hottest girl at the pool she just never saw herself as being attractive. I was never so happy to break up with a girl and I did learn a valuable lesson, don't date Barbies.