A Question about your wife/novia's religious habits/beliefs

[Hector_Lavoe]

I have been on Latin American Cupid (LAC) a lot lately. Meeting a lot of nice women. I recently connected with this Venezuelan lady who really knocks me out.  On paper she has just about everything I could ask for: she is 32, no kids, very pretty, smart (university educated teacher) and seems very sweet/thoughtful.

But we were chatting the other day on Skype and she made it clear that she attends church EVERY Sunday. I told her I was spiritual but not religious and that I did not attend church. She indicated she expects her (future) husband to accompany her to church every week. 

No offense to anyone here on PL that is a regular church goer but that is simply not my cup of tea.

The other Latinas I have dated both here in the USA and abroad have tended to be more casually religious. That is, they believed in God but did not attend church regularly (if at all). And they certainly did not expect their significant other to attend church with them every week. 

So I am curious to know what other guys have experienced in this realm. Did you have to make accommodations for your wife/novia in this area? If so, has it worked out or not? Or did you just make sure you were both on the same page in this area before you got married/or serious?



 

[robert angel]

I have been on Latin American Cupid (LAC) a lot lately. Meeting a lot of nice women. I recently connected with this Venezuelan lady who really knocks me out.  On paper she has just about everything I could ask for: she is 32, no kids, very pretty, smart (university educated teacher) and seems very sweet/thoughtful.

But we were chatting the other day on Skype and she made it clear that she attends church EVERY Sunday. I told her I was spiritual but not religious and that I did not attend church. She indicated she expects her (future) husband to accompany her to church every week. 

No offense to anyone here on PL that is a regular church goer but that is simply not my cup of tea.

The other Latinas I have dated both here in the USA and abroad have tended to be more casually religious. That is, they believed in God but did not attend church regularly (if at all). And they certainly did not expect their significant other to attend church with them every week. 

So I am curious to know what other guys have experienced in this realm. Did you have to make accommodations for your wife/novia in this area? If so, has it worked out or not? Or did you just make sure you were both on the same page in this area before you got married/or serious?

I'd imagine you explained your religious practices/feelings with her beyond just your lack of attendance. I don't want to read too much into what you're saying--more exactly how you're explaining it, but I'd say for sure it needs more discussing. Is it a firm request or an ultimatum and if you don't don't comply, a deal breaker? Sometimes they will say it's neither of the last two, but it just irritates her so much later on that it becomes unbearable.


A lot of Filipinas are very religious and go to church every Sunday, sometimes on other days as well.


I explained to my wife for four years before we became engaged that while I too believed in God, I didn't go to church a lot of Sundays. Having two sons, she saw me taking them to catechism for years, which is required of children and adults before they become formally accepted as catholic church members.It's an educational program.


I think there are a lot of Filipinas who will marry a non Catholic and as long as he believes and doesn't disparage God, they are usually fine about church attendance in their spouse, or the lack thereof. They probably will expect the children (if any) to be raised Catholic.



I don't know how this Venezuelan woman is and it sounds like you need to find more out.



My wife and I suppose her family's only request of me dealing with religion was that we try to 'Keep God in the middle" they didn't elaborate, I didn't ask. Known her over 12 years, been married about 8 and sometimes she goes to church without me. WE don't have long, drawn out discussions about God or religion, but the way she lives, I'd describe as being very conscious of the Ten Commandments.


That said, when we do go to church together, we try and make a date out of it. We attend mass at the large and lovely cathedral downtown, then have a nice lunch in a café, maybe walk the park or shop a bit.

Lately I've been staying home Sundays--had major spinal surgery on a few vertebrae and the idea of doing extra driving and sitting on a hard church pew and kneeling doesn't appeal to me--the Dr. told me to not even work for six weeks. But she's gone every Sunday (skipping the lunch and maybe a little shopping after)and maybe that's why my back feels so much better!


In your situation, I'd just make darn sure that religious differences between the two of you don't have a strong potential to cause real problems. I'd discuss it with her a number of times in a number of different ways to make sure she's telling you how it really is (and probably really will be) rather than her watering it down or otherwise telling you what she thinks you want to hear.


You end up with this lady, you probably should get used to saying grace before meals and praying a bit at bed time too.

I'm not saying in cases like this we should try and negotiate a little 'wiggle room'--I am saying that if you don't intend to be going to church and/or you would find going to church a pain, be totally upfront and tell her you don't buy into 'all that'. If you make it clear and agree now, it'll mean a lot less trouble later on if she's really into church attendance and reading religious signs and meanings into everything.


I don't think I could live with someone that devout. Sometimes I convince my wife to 'sleep in' and miss church--it doesn't make her any less Catholic or religious. I lose my temper, swear too much--even use the Lord's name in the wrong way and places sometimes and we're still together. She knew I was that way before we married, and that's made all the difference.

[benjio]

I dated a very religious girl in Colombia from the Cartago area about two years ago and it didn't last very long. They're like communism, they look great on paper but simply won't ever work in the real world because of human nature (that is unless of course you're a really religious guy). Unlike in the U.S. where from my experience most girls from religious families are loose cannons waiting for someone to light their fuses, girls like this in Latin America are usually exactly what they appear to be. They are usually honest, virtuous women that are either virgins or have never been with more than a couple of guys sexually. They are not at all material and have little interest in designer clothing, shoes and handbags. Most don't wear very much makeup either. They understand and embrace their role as a wife and mother and expect their men to lead the household and bring home the bacon. There are some significant downsides as well though.
 
For the short time I was dating this girl, we had to have a chaperone anywhere we went. The only time I was alone with her was after we'd finish and I'd drop her off at home. We would usually have a few minutes on the porch of her house after each date before I left. Now this might not seem so bad, and I was actually accumstomed to it to some extent. It only reminded me of the days back at Jamie's before I learned Spanish and always needed a translator. The difference was I could tell the translator to "beat it" anytime I wanted to. With this girl, our chaperone, who was usually her older cousin that lived with her, was with us every second of every date. The worse thing was this girl was 24 years old. Entirely too old not to be trusted alone in my opinion.
 
As evil as this may sound, IMHO whether or not there's sexual chemistry between you and a girl should be something that's established relatively early in a courtship. I'm not talking about sleeping with a girl on the first couple of dates. As a matter of fact that's a red flag for me. But within the first two or three months (or at least by your third trip) you all should be doing the nasty. I don't know about you guys, but I've dated girls where everything seems perfect, and the second you finish having sex for the first time you know for a fact the relationship isn't going anywhere. It's sort of like that awkward feeling you get if you've ever slept with a girl you were friends with for a long time. With a girl that's really religious you're going to most likely be waiting until you're married or at the very least several months before having sex. If things aren't clicking in the bed, those may have been several months you could have spent getting to know someone else.
 
I won't dwell on the good or bad points more than I need to. But my advice would be to understand exactly what you're getting into when dating girls like this; and be completely honest with yourself in terms of whether or not you can live up to her expectations. There's also some moral implications in there as well. Even if you are willing to embrace her lifestyle, you don't want to be in church every Sunday listening to the priest recite bible verses, thinking to yourself, "This is BULL$#!T!!" It's like I tell my atheist buddies though: "If you don't believe and there isn't a God or angels or heaven and an afterlife, then the same thing will happen to all of us when we die. If you don't believe and everything in the bible is true...well, we all know how that story ends! 

[Gavan]

I spent several years in Peru, which is supposed to be a very religious, catholic country. In a way it is. Almost everyone believes in God, prays, etc. Some Peruvians go to church regularly, but most people I knew there don't go that often if at all. Also, most Peruvians don't really care too much about what the church or the bible says. I think to most of them it is more like a tradition, but they don't take religion too seriously..

[bcc_1_2]

She indicated she expects her (future) husband to accompany her to church every week. 

No offense to anyone here on PL that is a regular church goer but that is simply not my cup of tea.

In addition to going to church weekly it is also reasonable to think she'll want to take part in other church activities (there can be lots of those). If she wants you to waste your Sunday with this she'll probably want you to accompany her to other church functions as well. Now if she was willing to be dropped off or go alone that could be good for you and give you your own free time. But if she's intent on dragging you then I think you already know how to handle this... just move on to the next chica.

[robert angel]

Seems that maybe there are some very different mindsets and behaviors between Filipinos and South Americans when it comes to marriage and the need/pressures to adapt to one another's religious customs. I find the differences as described here hard to believe, but I can't prove otherwise.

On the one hand, I think you'd be hard pressed to find people who are more devout, namely who have stronger faith in the Catholic church as an institution, than Filipinos. If a catastrophe came down and killed 99 million out of the 100 million or so Filipinos, they'd go to church and thank God for saving one in every hundred people. Their faith doesn't know the word 'quit'. Then in terms of loyalty to family--family unity, especially amongst FilipinAs, (females)  I don't think it gets much stronger across any cultures.

But except for some smaller, kind of off the wall Christian sects, Catholics and most faiths tied into the Catholic fold pretty closely don't seem to press the foreign guys they marry  to up and change and become come to Church every Sunday w/o fail church goers, doing bake sales, giving lots of money, doing prayer marathons etc., etc.


I don't think an atheist would get far and an agnostic might have a hard time marrying into a Filipino family. I think even in circles where a very religious Filipina is relatively well off and educated, that they probably wouldn't make a foreigner change his faith much. As said, they might ask that as a couple they raise any kids they may have in the church. We did, so when the kids are old enough, they could decide intelligently for themselves . They did and they believe in God.

In the Philippines, probably like in most of S. America, If you want an official church wedding in the church with a priest, then you're at the mercy of the church, the priest, Bishop, etc. and anything goes. In the Philippines,  if you married a separated woman was who married once before in the church there  and you want to pay the big bucks so she can (maybe) get her marriage annulled and legally re wed, the church holds the cards then and there. The church and the govt. keeps very strict records on all that.


In fact even though my wife and I were married civilly in the USA, (not in the Church) she could not remarry easily in the Philippines because it's also registered there--certainly not easily if we divorced for her to remary there in the church--they're very strict and tough.

[bcc_1_2]

I don't think an atheist would get far and an agnostic might have a hard time marrying into a Filipino family

I'd be with you if you said this might be a roadblock, but I'd have to disagree. I think there are plenty of women all over the planet that attend church that won't force their husbands to participate. A young American doctors rolls in to help out with the disaster and I don't think the families are saying... only let him take you to dinner if he will go to mass with you tomorrow.

[robert angel]

I'd be with you if you said this might be a roadblock, but I'd have to disagree. I think there are plenty of women all over the planet that attend church that won't force their husbands to participate. A young American doctors rolls in to help out with the disaster and I don't think the families are saying... only let him take you to dinner if he will go to mass with you tomorrow.

There are obviously exceptions everywhere on earth, but I still think you'd have a particularly hard time getting a decent Filipina worth marrying, along with her family on board, to marry some handsome rich Dr., or some dude who's family left him a bunch of money. If he was loud about being an atheist, insisting there IS NO God or even if he was obviously just a jerk, totally aside from religious issues, I think he'd get a lot more than he bargained for--a total contradiction of the 'Simple Filipina' term so often bandied about.


Even if such a guy--some dude loud about there being no God or being a total jerk was, shall we say 'lucky' enough to get some Filipina to marry him, the honeymoon wouldn't last long--she'd be looking for a green card and a sweet divorce settlement before long. After all, a "A fool and his money are soon parted."

[beulah]

There are obviously exceptions everywhere on earth, but I still think you'd have a particularly hard time getting a decent Filipina worth marrying, along with her family on board, to marry some handsome rich Dr., or some dude who's family left him a bunch of money. If he was loud about being an atheist, insisting there IS NO God or even if he was obviously just a jerk, totally aside from religious issues, I think he'd get a lot more than he bargained for--a total contradiction of the 'Simple Filipina' term so often bandied about.


Even if such a guy--some dude loud about there being no God or being a total jerk was, shall we say 'lucky' enough to get some Filipina to marry him, the honeymoon wouldn't last long--she'd be looking for a green card and a sweet divorce settlement before long. After all, a "A fool and his money are soon parted."

Rob, I think we have a guy like that here.  I can't quite remember his name, but he is loud and knows everything about just about everything.

[bcc_1_2]

There are obviously exceptions everywhere on earth, but I still think you'd have a particularly hard time getting a decent Filipina worth marrying, along with her family on board, to marry some handsome rich Dr., or some dude who's family left him a bunch of money. If he was loud about being an atheist, insisting there IS NO God or even if he was obviously just a jerk, totally aside from religious issues, I think he'd get a lot more than he bargained for--a total contradiction of the 'Simple Filipina' term so often bandied about.


Even if such a guy--some dude loud about there being no God or being a total jerk was, shall we say 'lucky' enough to get some Filipina to marry him, the honeymoon wouldn't last long--she'd be looking for a green card and a sweet divorce settlement before long. After all, a "A fool and his money are soon parted."

All that could be true. The Philippines could be just about the only place on Earth where it doesn't happen where a guy decides to stay home while his spouse partakes in religious activities. Or you could just be full of it.  It's one of the largest cum dumpsters in the world along with San Jose so I have a hard time believing this could be so prevalent while men that don't go to church get excluded.

Since the title includes the word Novia I have no idea why an Asian woman's religion is relevant. Catholicism is quite a bit different in Latin America than it is in the USA. About the only similarities that I see is that alter boys can't get pregnant. Other than that they are pretty different for being the same.

[robert angel]

All that could be true. The Philippines could be just about the only place on Earth where it doesn't happen where a guy decides to stay home while his spouse partakes in religious activities. Or you could just be full of it.  It's one of the largest cum dumpsters in the world along with San Jose so I have a hard time believing this could be so prevalent while men that don't go to church get excluded.

Since the title includes the word Novia I have no idea why an Asian woman's religion is relevant. Catholicism is quite a bit different in Latin America than it is in the USA. About the only similarities that I see is that alter boys can't get pregnant. Other than that they are pretty different for being the same.

Awww, BCC, just go fix yourself another scotch on the rocks and sleep it off~!

[rocket]

What are you guys a bunch of commies?  If you dont want a religious girl Go to Russia.
There you will feel  right at Home with a non religious girl and You can stay their and rot with all the rest  of the commies. and burn Bibles. and wait for the Muslims to take over.

[Hector_Lavoe]

Rocket: I thought Joe McCarthy was dead? Really, call someone a commie because he prefers a more secular oriented gal. Don't know what you are smoking but you might want to stop inhaling.  As I recall, you are 55 years old and go down to Colombia to be with 19 yr old girls. You are trying to lecture others about pious girls? Give it a rest already.


BCC: You really find it necessary to lecture a guy with a Fillipina wife about the Phillipines? Give it a rest please.

[Awesome]

My advice...grow some balls.  If you're keeping a woman well satisfied in the bedroom there would be no need to ask questions like this.  You're the MAN, you run the show, period.  I guarantee I'd date a religious chick and won't hesitate to verbally sh*t all over her so called "religion".  My ex girlfriend went to church at least 3 days a week and always tried to get me to go with her.  I'd just laugh at her when she'd bring up her church crap.  Then after I'd give her multiple orgasms I'd take a fat hit off a joint and blow the smoke in her face.  She'd call me a "demonio descarado" haha!!  I freaking loved that chick.


Another thing, from my point of view, these "religious" goody two shoes types just beg to be cheated on, which is ok with me I guess.

[Hector_Lavoe]

As evil as this may sound, IMHO whether or not there's sexual chemistry between you and a girl should be something that's established relatively early in a courtship. I'm not talking about sleeping with a girl on the first couple of dates. As a matter of fact that's a red flag for me. But within the first two or three months (or at least by your third trip) you all should be doing the nasty. I don't know about you guys, but I've dated girls where everything seems perfect, and the second you finish having sex for the first time you know for a fact the relationship isn't going anywhere.

Not evil at all. Sounds like common sense to me!

I won't dwell on the good or bad points more than I need to. But my advice would be to understand exactly what you're getting into when dating girls like this; and be completely honest with yourself in terms of whether or not you can live up to her expectations. There's also some moral implications in there as well. Even if you are willing to embrace her lifestyle, you don't want to be in church every Sunday listening to the priest recite bible verses, thinking to yourself, "This is BULL$#!T!!" It's like I tell my atheist buddies though: "If you don't believe and there isn't a God or angels or heaven and an afterlife, then the same thing will happen to all of us when we die. If you don't believe and everything in the bible is true...well, we all know how that story ends! 

Thanks for the post. Some very good points here.

[Hector_Lavoe]

My advice...grow some balls.  If you're keeping a woman well satisfied in the bedroom there would be no need to ask questions like this.  You're the MAN, you run the show, period.  I guarantee I'd date a religious chick and won't hesitate to verbally sh*t all over her so called "religion".  My ex girlfriend went to church at least 3 days a week and always tried to get me to go with her.  I'd just laugh at her when she'd bring up her church crap.  Then after I'd give her multiple orgasms I'd take a fat hit off a joint and blow the smoke in her face.  She'd call me a "demonio descarado" haha!!  I freaking loved that chick.


Another thing, from my point of view, these "religious" goody two shoes types just beg to be cheated on, which is ok with me I guess.

Htown: I am not a religious guy. But I sure wish there was a hell because you'd most certainly be going there.

[rocket]

Their is a Hell and Dont worry It will come sooner than latter. I guess!!
18 she was 19 You commie.  You guys will be begging Jesus for forgiveness.  But the angels will hold you back from even talking to him and will send you on your way.   and your  wife and or girl friend wont be where your going.

[Hector_Lavoe]

As should be obvious, I have NEVER met this girl in person. She lives in Venezuela and I live in California. I have only chatted with her online two times.

Our second chat was tonight and I did ask her to clarify. She said she did not expect her husband to go to Church every Sunday but she hoped he'd go once a month. Bottom line is God/Religion is a top priority for her. I prefer a more secular girl.

Despite what another poster implied, a real man tells the girl the truth and does not mislead her, especially if they live thousands of miles away. So I made it clear to her where I was coming from. That is, about the only time I am in a church is for a wedding.

My grandfather was a very scientific guy who thought Darwin was a hero. His wife (my grandmother) was a devout Christian who attended church regularly. So I've seen polar opposites make it work. But it does not seem like an ideal starting place when there are so many more secular oriented gals in So. America for me (and plenty of religious guys for her).

[rocket]

You scum athiest need your own country. and your non religious girls with you.
Hey Hitler and his girls would be perfect for you Nazis. Remember the first thing he did was burn the bibles. then he went after gods people.
You guys would fit in perfect in a Nazi society. 

[Hector_Lavoe]

Ok rocket. Next time you are in Medellin paying for sex with an 18 year old be sure to keep the bible clutched tightly next to you.

[rocket]

You Fools with no god. Looking for girls in Christian countries, Ask yourself why?
Go to Russia. and by the way stay out of the USA where its even more Christian oriented. You will strike OUT!!

[InnocentVixen]

Our second chat was tonight and I did ask her to clarify. She said she did not expect her husband to go to Church every Sunday but she hoped he'd go once a month. Bottom line is God/Religion is a top priority for her. I prefer a more secular girl. ............................
But it does not seem like an ideal starting place when there are so many more secular oriented gals in So. America for me (and plenty of religious guys for her).

It is true your odds might be better with someone else, but it's so easy to assume while talking online. I remember this particularly nice guy, he asked a lot of details about my family and relatives which I thought it was nice but at the end he cut me off completely as soon as I mentioned there is a catholic priest, a christian pastor and a couple of nuns in my family... even though I am not religious. Me being old fashioned combined with that led him to believe I was some sort of fanatic I am sure!


When she clarified, did you tell her you were not comfortable with that? how did she react? it's a bigger deal if you plan to have children, but if you are not there might still be a chance there I think.


I learned that catholics in the USA are more like christians in Mexico and I did not feel comfortable with it. Most catholics in MX don't even know how to pray, it's more about tradition. So perhaps you need to start looking into which religions are more on "your level" if that makes sense if you are going to consider religious women at all.


To me the main thing was that they had to be open minded and respectful, the odds to make things work with an atheist always seemed as bad as it would be with a religious fanatic in my case at least. I ended up with a non religious guy like myself that comes from a catholic family, we share old fashioned values and we both respect tradition.

[fathertime]

All that could be true. The Philippines could be just about the only place on Earth where it doesn't happen where a guy decides to stay home while his spouse partakes in religious activities. Or you could just be full of it.  It's one of the largest cum dumpsters in the world along with San Jose so I have a hard time believing this could be so prevalent while men that don't go to church get excluded.

 

sweet Jesus, you have no ideal when to give it a rest...do you child?


I think what  RobertAngel has to say about PI is a little more credible than your 'cum dumpster' comments...you never learned much respect in the household you were brought up in....


Fathertime! 

[Awesome]

Htown: I am not a religious guy. But I sure wish there was a hell because you'd most certainly be going there.

Don't judge me bro!!  Haaaahahaha!!!

[bcc_1_2]

sweet Jesus, you have no ideal when to give it a rest...do you child?


I think what  RobertAngel has to say about PI is a little more credible than your 'cum dumpster' comments...you never learned much respect in the household you were brought up in....


Fathertime!

Calling me a child is about as accurate as me calling you a young buck.  The Philippines is right up there as a top sex destination on this planet so let's no pretend the Philippines is full of sweet praying angels.