Almost 3 years of marriage to a beautiful Barranquillera

[Alabamaboy!]

Just a few days short of 3 year mark with my marriage to a Barranquillera. We have a beautiful baby boy and a wonderful mixed family with my 13 year old son who lives with us and my 6 1/2 year old daughter who lives in the same city , but stays with us frequently. All the kids are happy. I am happy. My wife sure looks, acts, and says she is happy. Right now I would consider this a home run success story, but I know it could change in an instant. You can never fully predict the future. But for right now we are enjoying every day with our beautiful family. I would say it has definitely been worth all the red tape, time, and energy to get to where we are today. We both agree though that we wish we would have planned better to avoid having a baby right away. It definitely puts a damper on the honeymoon period when we don't have any family nearby to help give us some time alone. But on the other hand we would not trade this little crazy guy for the world.

[DRGUY1]

Good story AB…


Other than the baby planning    is there anything you'd do different if you had the chance to do it over?


Just curious what I can learn from experience.

[Researcher]

That is great to hear, congrats!

[Ricardo1]

Congrats AB!  Wishing you guys many years of matrimonial happiness and success!

[AndyLee]

Congratulations AB, good story and job well done, wish you and yours the best of luck and happiness.

[raycjs]

Congratulations AB i am glad to see things are going well for you and your family....
 
 
 
Ray

[robert angel]

Great to hear back from you AB. We really gave you a hard time and you 'stuck by your guns' so to speak. No, it wasn't easy at times before you married, with expectations on language, some 'tough love'  and a few other things. You shared that, which hopefully helped people here. You worked the work and right now things sound good.
 
 
I remember being married with two young kids, no family in town and not trusting baby sitters. There were times I thought I was never going to see a PG13 movie or go out on a date with just my wife and I again! Happy Meals forever--gag me!
 
That was part of what took a toll on my first marriage, until it eventually dissolved altogether. We had let our lives be consumed with the nuts and bolts work, the logistics of raising the kids--who was doing sports, scouts, music lessons, house hold chores, etc. But we rotated tasks more than we cooperated on them. We discussed 'instructions' and negotiated schedules. There was nothing left--no intangible 'sizzle' and down time for just the two of us
 
Kids don't need 'all that' and they don't need a 100 channels of TV or Nintendo either. They should get bored sometimes. I'd guess that a lot less would've been invented  and fewer real books read if there were 400 cable channels and the internet in every home 100 years ago.
 
Easy to say, harder to do, and I'm not saying your situation mirrors what mine once was, but if there's someone you can get to the point with where you can have her/him watch the kids while you and your wife get away for at least a movie and dinner, maybe a dance (imagine a hotel!) , I'd highly recommend it.
 
I used to think it'd be bad for the kids and our marriage for us to leave them alone for a few hours, never mind a weekend, now I realized that maybe it could've helped us.
 
 
My kids from my first marriage aren't as big an issue these days--my current wife and I aren't that consumed, (sometimes there's still some tension about the boys and I ) but as a couple we know we need to balance our priorities. It's easy for me to not pay attention when my wife mentions friends who went to the mountains for the weekend, maybe took a trip to Hawaii. I can count all the places we have visited instead, but it's not the same--I need to keep optimism and yes, expectation going as well. Women love surprises, even if it's just a flower you picked coming back to the home.
 
Any which way, no more 'Dr. Phil' lecture, congrats, as deserved, sounds like you guys are rolling with it pretty good and as a former bastard who gave you grief, I'm delighted to say I feel really good hearing that you're making it work. No one said it'd be easy!

[InnocentVixen]

Hey AB, glad to hear everything is going well! don't be a stranger~

[John W]

Congrats AB.  A lot of people gave you a hard about some of the things you shared about your relationship.  You did things the way you felt they needed to be done and it looks like it all worked out very well.  It is nice to hear a success story. 
Parents or other family members you can trust to watch your children and with whom your children have a close relationship is a very positive thing for all the parties involved.  When those close family relationships or all family members are not close by, I am sure it makes parenting and life that much more difficult. 
 

[fathertime]

. All the kids are happy. I am happy. My wife sure looks, acts, and says she is happy. Right now I would consider this a home run success story,

hey buddy i think you have hit a homerun!


great job keeping everybody happy and rolling in the direction you want.


Fathertime! 

[Hector_Lavoe]

Congrats on hitting the three year mark. And thanks again for your travel tips on Cali. They were real useful when I got down there.

[mambocowboy]

Just a few days short of 3 year mark with my marriage to a Barranquillera. We have a beautiful baby boy and a wonderful mixed family with my 13 year old son who lives with us and my 6 1/2 year old daughter who lives in the same city , but stays with us frequently. All the kids are happy. I am happy. My wife sure looks, acts, and says she is happy. Right now I would consider this a home run success story, but I know it could change in an instant. You can never fully predict the future. But for right now we are enjoying every day with our beautiful family. I would say it has definitely been worth all the red tape, time, and energy to get to where we are today. We both agree though that we wish we would have planned better to avoid having a baby right away. It definitely puts a damper on the honeymoon period when we don't have any family nearby to help give us some time alone. But on the other hand we would not trade this little crazy guy for the world.

congratulations AB.  me and my wife had a baby pretty quick too, but the fact you have two other kids in the mix too is a credit to you and your wife for making things work. I remember some guys being very critical of you when your wife went back to BAQ for awhile. You must have handled that the right way since it sounds like things are going well now.

[pchip]

Congrats AB!!!!

[pchip]

I used to think it'd be bad for the kids and our marriage for us to leave them alone for a few hours, never mind a weekend, now I realized that maybe it could've helped us.

I'd venture to say that it would be even worse for the kids as the marriage dissolved.  Think of the "us time" as an investment in the well being of your couple in order to be stronger for your kids.

[beulah]

Thanks Alabamaboy for giving us some of your inside scoop on how your marriage is going.  It is nice to hear it is going so well for you and your wife. 

[robert angel]

I'd venture to say that it would be even worse for the kids as the marriage dissolved.  Think of the "us time" as an investment in the well being of your couple in order to be stronger for your kids.

As a marriage dissolves. sometimes as in our case, when the husband and wife are working alternate shifts (I worked 7 to 3 M-F , she worked 3 to 11 (including week ends) and when communications are mostly about who was taking to kids to this and that, the kids think it's perfectly normal. After all, it's all they've ever known.



We didn't have any family in our state to help watch the kids,  to give us a break, or show the kids a different life style. My ex was passive aggressive and except for rare moments, was typically cold and quiet. No loud fights, no flying plates. If you don't discuss 'issues' in due time, they will get worse. The kids had plenty of security, love and activities and up to the divorce, were very happy. Around the divorce, it was definitely a rough patch. They still are happy today, but it definitely took a longer, harder toll on the older child. You can see it in how each of them handle relationships with their girlfriends today. One almost always flames out in a breakup, the other breaks up and they're still good friends. Then as now, their Mom and I (well, me more than their Mom) don't hesitate to say to the kids "I love you" and we get it right back.



The boys see how my second wife and I occasionally have reasonable disagreements and they see us work them out in a healthy, functional way. They weren't aware before that our lives in our first marriage were coldly dysfunctional. Not even our friends or neighbors were aware--they thought we were the last couple who'd ever divorce, that we pretty much had it all. Not a hint of any issues.



A fair amount of guys here fancy the arrangement where the Mom stays home full time and takes care of the kids, Dad works and each spouse's duties are clearly defined. That can work, but I think even there, in today's USA society, that arrangements been changed a bit from the 50's and 60's ideal.


Economic reality in the USA today makes all of this increasingly harder--a lot of us are moving really fast and not getting a lot that's meaningful to show for it. If days keep going by and you're going to bed too late tired and waking up still tired, it kind of makes life back in the wife's 'old country' not seem so bad sometimes.


I bet most foreign wives not only want to go home at least every few years, but to also in the meantime, send money home to help the family. That's where most of my wife's money from her job goes. I expected it and even though she says (and probably believes herself) that when all her siblings are done with college that'll basically stop, I know better. Even if you're fairly wealthy, having a stay at home wife who travels home a lot and sends home significant amounts of money can become problematic.



Anyway you cut it, trying to find out and discuss what little problems you two have before they get too big and taking some time to 'get away' from the kids, from work and do things together just the two of you, will almost certainly do the whole family--kids included, good.

[benjio]

Hey AB,
 
Congrats! That's awesome man!! I can't say I would have stuck it out after all you've been through but looks like your patience and perserverance really paid off in the end. Cheers! 

[Alabamaboy!]

I think one of the big advantages I have is that I own my own business and have had the luxury to reduce my schedule away from the house to only 3 days. That way I am able to be with my wife more, help out with the baby. Plus time to spend with my other kids so they do not feel neglected. If I was working 50-60 hours a week like the old days I am pretty sure it would be a much different outcome. I traded the lifestyle of wave runners, motorcycles, boats, fast cars, luxury SUV, long hours of work to pay for all that for a life of going to the park, cooking, riding beach cruiser bikes, marathon smoking/BBQ sessions, even an occasional nap. Working less, earning less, and enjoying life a lot more.

[mambocowboy]

I think one of the big advantages I have is that I own my own business and have had the luxury to reduce my schedule away from the house to only 3 days. That way I am able to be with my wife more, help out with the baby. Plus time to spend with my other kids so they do not feel neglected. If I was working 50-60 hours a week like the old days I am pretty sure it would be a much different outcome. I traded the lifestyle of wave runners, motorcycles, boats, fast cars, luxury SUV, long hours of work to pay for all that for a life of going to the park, cooking, riding beach cruiser bikes, marathon smoking/BBQ sessions, even an occasional nap. Working less, earning less, and enjoying life a lot more.

any guy thinking of bringing a woman over here needs to consider she's going to need more attention than the average married woman because she needs help adjusting. Since my wife arrived I put all my hobbies aside. Now that we have a baby I go to the gym once a week and that's after work, on my job site, in order to save time.  Before the baby was born I was driving my wife to and from English classes four days a week and of course taking her to all the pregnancy/medical appointments and doing all the grocery shopping since she didn't drive yet. Now that my wife's driving, she's able to help with grocery shopping for the first time, which is a welcome relief. Her driving is freeing me up a lot time wise and allows me to spend more time with the baby...My life as a married father is incredibly different than what it was only two years ago before my wife got here. I'm happy with it because being a husband and father is what I wanted and now have... But any guy considering this process would be wise to consider the effort involved in having your wife initially totally dependent on you until she either is able to use public transportation (if available) and/or drive...

[no comment]

Just a few days short of 3 year mark with my marriage to a Barranquillera. We have a beautiful baby boy and a wonderful mixed family with my 13 year old son who lives with us and my 6 1/2 year old daughter who lives in the same city , but stays with us frequently. All the kids are happy. I am happy. My wife sure looks, acts, and says she is happy. Right now I would consider this a home run success story, but I know it could change in an instant. You can never fully predict the future. But for right now we are enjoying every day with our beautiful family. I would say it has definitely been worth all the red tape, time, and energy to get to where we are today. We both agree though that we wish we would have planned better to avoid having a baby right away. It definitely puts a damper on the honeymoon period when we don't have any family nearby to help give us some time alone. But on the other hand we would not trade this little crazy guy for the world.

Congratulations to you AB. Wife and I hit 3 years this past February but she had to wait over a year for the Visa to get to the States.


Another good thing about your "little crazy guy" is that the baby's birth certificate should have made it easy to prove the marriage was legitimate on the I-751 form. After doing the biometrics we eventually got a Notice of Action with a Request for Evidence so we've got to put together documents to show "evidence of good faith marriage."

[robert angel]

Having an exotic, beautiful wife from a foreign country and trying to acclimate her is plenty already, but add a child to the quotient and all of a sudden, the carefree days of being single are a distant memory. Some guys just don't handle the new needs and responsibilities well and typically the situation goes down hill pretty quick for those guys.


Before I got married the first time, I had plenty of single buddies and a social life that was never a dull moment. After I was married and divorced, I still had my kids a lot of the time, but when they were with their mom, I really enjoyed my time being alone and keeping a pretty low key social life--living strictly on my terms. Once I married the second time, 'alone' went out the window. it was living on 'our terms' and that took some adjustment. It's worth it, but I had to realize it was a tradeoff. 

[Alabamaboy!]

Congratulations to you AB. Wife and I hit 3 years this past February but she had to wait over a year for the Visa to get to the States.


Another good thing about your "little crazy guy" is that the baby's birth certificate should have made it easy to prove the marriage was legitimate on the I-751 form. After doing the biometrics we eventually got a Notice of Action with a Request for Evidence so we've got to put together documents to show "evidence of good faith marriage."

Thanks NC. Yes, we had it easy with that thing. No request for info or interview. Just the biometrics and she received the green card shortly after in the mail.