Just booked my return flight to Colombia for the 2nd trip

[DRGUY1]

Ok, I decided to return to Bogota in January to see my lady again. This time I will be spending 10 day's getting to know her and her family better. She's taking her vacation to be with me :-)


She was concerned that she would not see me again for a long time, so we are both very excited about this.
I'm planning to take more intermediate level Spanish Pimsleur to better  communicate with her  and her family.


I've dated quite a lot of woman rather casually since my divorce without getting too attached, but this woman, I can't stop thinking about. I know this is not rationale, but I can't explain it with her. Maybe she's the one I've been searching for all along?


I really did not go down to Colombia with these intentions. My plans were to just check out Colombia, and meet as many people as I could, which I did; and see it first hand for myself.


I liked many of the ladies I met, but she was different than the rest...I think I'm in trouble 

[beulah]

Docguy I hope she turns out good for you.  Meeting up with her on the heels of your 1st vacation seems like a smart idea.

[DRGUY1]

Yeah Beulah, it will be about 3 months from my first visit when I see her in Jan.


I didn't want to wait too long... If things go well in Jan, I'll most likely plan another visit in March or April, so we can stay connected and keep moving forward.

[Stevieboy]

I've dated quite a lot of woman rather casually since my divorce without getting too attached, but this woman, I can't stop thinking about. I know this is not rationale, but I can't explain it with her. Maybe she's the one I've been searching for all along?



I liked many of the ladies I met, but she was different than the rest...I think I'm in trouble 

.
What's the problem? You're a grown man who's been around the block in your life, and this one makes you feel like no other. Take the plunge. If it doesn't work out, there's more women in the world. What there's less of, is time. Pregnancy is another story, however. Don't want more exes with kids. 

[robert angel]

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What's the problem? You're a grown man who's been around the block in your life, and this one makes you feel like no other. Take the plunge. If it doesn't work out, there's more women in the world. What there's less of, is time. Pregnancy is another story, however. Don't want more exes with kids.

 
First off, let me say that I think it's great having the two of you here, but that like most people, you're at different points in age, mindset and so on. In some cases, marrying a woman with a child brings elements that are desirable. It gives both an additional interest, usually along with a stability that's not for everyone. 

 
It often makes the woman very grateful if the guy's stable and loving. I'd dare say a woman with her head screwed on right--someone raised right with values, is less likely to seek divorce when the marriage hits the inevitable rough patch, especially if the husband's also acting as the recognized father to her child. For both husband and wife, it takes a helluva a commitment and the stakes are higher, long run.

 
I could be wrong (again) but it seems that both of you are quite smitten with ladies early in your 'Go Colombia' search. That's not a terribly blazing red flag, but that said, anybody who cares, would be glad you're going into this THINKING.

 
As to:

 
>>Take the plunge. If it doesn't work out, there's more women in the world.<<

 
Well, on this side of the border, that's great advice up until the point you're legally wed. If it doesn't work out stateside AFTER you're married, you and those close to you are likely to be bummed out and besides the obvious financial hit at that point, it could follow you up to ten years, as you might be held liable as per the USCIS to support her. Maybe longer, if there's child support ordered up.

 
Remember the oft married (nine times!) flamboyant  Hungarian bombshell actress Zsa Zsa Gabor? She had a decent career, but never made top box office $$$. Nonetheless at age 96, she's worth a cool 40 million. She was never really a 'bankable' star--How'd she get so rich? Some quotes and insights....

 
>I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.<
 
 >Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting   married just because you do.<

>Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.< (and some wives TOO!!)

>I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.<
 

[Stevieboy]

First off, let me say that I think it's great having the two of you here, but that like most people, you're at different points in age, mindset and so on. In some cases, marrying a woman with a child brings elements that are desirable. It gives both an additional interest, usually along with a stability that's not for everyone. 

 
It often makes the woman very grateful if the guy's stable and loving. I'd dare say a woman with her head screwed on right--someone raised right with values, is less likely to seek divorce when the marriage hits the inevitable rough patch, especially if the husband's also acting as the recognized father to her child. For both husband and wife, it takes a helluva a commitment and the stakes are higher, long run.

 
I could be wrong (again) but it seems that both of you are quite smitten with ladies early in your 'Go Colombia' search. That's not a terribly blazing red flag, but that said, anybody who cares, would be glad you're going into this THINKING.

 
As to:

 
>>Take the plunge. If it doesn't work out, there's more women in the world.<<

 
Well, on this side of the border, that's great advice up until the point you're legally wed. If it doesn't work out stateside AFTER you're married, you and those close to you are likely to be bummed out and besides the obvious financial hit at that point, it could follow you up to ten years, as you might be held liable as per the USCIS to support her. Maybe longer, if there's child support ordered up.

 
Remember the oft married (nine times!) flamboyant  Hungarian bombshell actress Zsa Zsa Gabor? She had a decent career, but never made top box office $$$. Nonetheless at age 96, she's worth a cool 40 million. She was never really a 'bankable' star--How'd she get so rich? Some quotes and insights....

 
>I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.<
 
 >Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting   married just because you do.<

>Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.< (and some wives TOO!!)

>I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.<

.
That sounded like something from a Dr Phil show.    I didn't read where he said she had children. If she does, that's a different story. He's also already been with her once and feels strongly for her. He's a grown man, he should do what he feels and wants. As for Zsa Zsa Gabor; my dad showed me some nudies of her when I was a kid. Or was that the girl from Bewitched? 

[fathertime]

Ok, I decided to return to Bogota in January to see my lady again. This time I will be spending 10 day's getting to know her and her family better. She's taking her vacation to be with me :-)


She was concerned that she would not see me again for a long time, so we are both very excited about this.
I'm planning to take more intermediate level Spanish Pimsleur to better  communicate with her  and her family.


I've dated quite a lot of woman rather casually since my divorce without getting too attached, but this woman, I can't stop thinking about. I know this is not rationale, but I can't explain it with her. Maybe she's the one I've been searching for all along?


I really did not go down to Colombia with these intentions. My plans were to just check out Colombia, and meet as many people as I could, which I did; and see it first hand for myself.


I liked many of the ladies I met, but she was different than the rest...I think I'm in trouble 

Hello Drguy!


IT seems to me that you are making good decisions thus far....I think it is very important to do a quick follow up trip like you are doing...as I'm convinced it helps keep the relationship real and live...in addition learning the spanish during this period can do nothing  but benefit you in the both the long and short run. 


Perhaps she is the lady you have been seeking, I imagine over the next trip or two you will gain further perspective...I must say I was in your position and feeling like you are now and I was pretty infatuated...so good luck with the lady! 


Fathertime! 

[mambocowboy]

Yeah Beulah, it will be about 3 months from my first visit when I see her in Jan.


I didn't want to wait too long... If things go well in Jan, I'll most likely plan another visit in March or April, so we can stay connected and keep moving forward.

My follow up visit was three months. I wouldn't wait much longer than that to follow up...

[DRGUY1]

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What's the problem? You're a grown man who's been around the block in your life, and this one makes you feel like no other. Take the plunge. If it doesn't work out, there's more women in the world. What there's less of, is time. Pregnancy is another story, however. Don't want more exes with kids. 

Stevie, Yeah I'm definitely taking the plunge with the 2nd trip; it's moving along quicker than I thought---but I need to trust my instincts on this and go with it and enjoy it, no matter what happens.



I would visit sooner, but I'm not allowed to take vacation time in Nov/Dec. As I also said in another post, she doesn't have a smart phone and uses the computer at her job, so no Skyping or texting---but that won't stop me.

If things go well in Jan, I'll get her a phone or tablet so we can talk more after I leave.

Robert, Cowboy & FatherT, your input is always welcome and appreciated, as you've got first hand experience with this.

[JWR]

Stevie, Yeah I'm definitely taking the plunge with the 2nd trip; it's moving along quicker than I thought---but I need to trust my instincts on this and go with it and enjoy it, no matter what happens.


Why do you always hear the same advice over and over again......"take it slow"?   Because many of us that have endured divorces with these girls realized after the initial fire and chemistry settled down, that there were obvious problems that were there all along.  Time has a way of revealing things.


I think guys jump in and propose marriage after only a couple, or a few trips because they just don't understand how painful it will be, if things go south after their wife is in the US.  It's much more painful then a broken leg.  If you were going sky diving and you knew you had a 50/50 chance of breaking your leg, would you jump out of the plane?  At least you would make damn sure your chute was packed properly.  Not rushing into marriage with one of these girls is like checking your chute carefully before you jump.


Finding out there are serious issues with the girl after she's in the US, puts you into a position of "damage control".  Time, money, and your sanity gets wasted when things don't work out, and then you find yourself back in the same situation as a bachelor as you are in now.  I guarantee you will be more careful the 2nd time around, so why not start out being more careful the 1st time around.  Why do guys have to keep making the same mistakes that some of us have made in the past, and have failed marriages?  Because being alone sucks, guys get impatient, and impulsive.  All of our relationships started out fun and exciting, or we wouldn't have married them.


How much time together is enough before marriage to one of these girls?  Who knows, but a couple 10 day trips in "vacation mode" is just not enough time.  It's chancy no matter what you do, or no matter how much time you take, but stop, think, and hedge your bet.  You have 100 times more to lose then you think, and I'm not just talking about money.


No guy wants to hear these things after they have already made their decision.  Rational thinking went out the window soon after getting trapped in the Colombiana tractor beam.  Hey I've been there.....

[Awesome]

If it does't work out just go get another one.  If nothing else at least you helped a poor girl better her situation in life.  Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

[InnocentVixen]

I love the quotes from Sza Sza Gabor, never heard of her but I can see how 9 men ended up making that mistake, at least she is honest about it 


DRguy, have you looked into chinese android phones?
W got me an 5.7inch screen, its big but much more comfortable than a tablet to carry around in my purse. I can check my email with ease and it would have been nicer to use for video chat instead of my Ipod those 3 months we were apart. There is a new model a tiny bit bigger than mine that goes for 150usd or so, we paid 220 for mine five months ago.

[Elexpatriado]

 
 
Second visit and you are talking about marriage already? Go there, have a good time, but THINK WITH YUR BIG HEAD, NOT YOUR LITTLE ONE.
 
I know a guy in Medellin who has known 8 different gringos who married colombianas and took them to the US. Half were couples within 10 years age difference. Some had marriages lasting 2 or 3 years.But EVERY SINGLE ONE ended in divorce in less than 5-7 years. Put those statistics  in your pipe and smoke 'em..
 
The only still sucsessful marriage he knows is a guy who staid with his wife in Colombia..
 
Now maybe the situation is a bit different with Bogata women as compared to Piasas...BUT....
 
 

First off, let me say that I think it's great having the two of you here, but that like most people, you're at different points in age, mindset and so on. In some cases, marrying a woman with a child brings elements that are desirable. It gives both an additional interest, usually along with a stability that's not for everyone. 

 
It often makes the woman very grateful if the guy's stable and loving. I'd dare say a woman with her head screwed on right--someone raised right with values, is less likely to seek divorce when the marriage hits the inevitable rough patch, especially if the husband's also acting as the recognized father to her child. For both husband and wife, it takes a helluva a commitment and the stakes are higher, long run.

 
I could be wrong (again) but it seems that both of you are quite smitten with ladies early in your 'Go Colombia' search. That's not a terribly blazing red flag, but that said, anybody who cares, would be glad you're going into this THINKING.

 
As to:

 
>>Take the plunge. If it doesn't work out, there's more women in the world.<<

 
Well, on this side of the border, that's great advice up until the point you're legally wed. If it doesn't work out stateside AFTER you're married, you and those close to you are likely to be bummed out and besides the obvious financial hit at that point, it could follow you up to ten years, as you might be held liable as per the USCIS to support her. Maybe longer, if there's child support ordered up.

 
Remember the oft married (nine times!) flamboyant  Hungarian bombshell actress Zsa Zsa Gabor? She had a decent career, but never made top box office $$$. Nonetheless at age 96, she's worth a cool 40 million. She was never really a 'bankable' star--How'd she get so rich? Some quotes and insights....

 
>I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.<
 
 >Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting   married just because you do.<

>Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.< (and some wives TOO!!)

>I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.<

[Stevieboy]

Your original post statement is an open invitation for criticism by naysayers and Planet Love relationship experts.
.
I think you mentioned the two of you don't Skype. Neither did we. She originally had a POS phone and I would call and pay .22 cents a minute. Once I knew she was worth it, I sent her enough money to buy a Samsung 2 and couple months of data/phone service ($300). From then on, we would Skype and whatsupp daily for free. There's also an app we use called Line that allows free phone calling. Well worth it, and being able to see each other on video takes much of the angst off.
 

[Stevieboy]

 

 Some had marriages lasting 2 or 3 years.But EVERY SINGLE ONE ended in divorce in less than 5-7 years. Put those statistics  in your pipe and smoke 'em..
 

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Where's the statistic (valid) that sates that adult persons being boyfriend and girlfriend for longer periods of time thru long distance, leads to marriages that last longer than 7 years?
 

[JWR]

Our immigration laws force fast engagements and marriages.  All of this is risky only because the guy has to sign on the dotted line for a girl he doesn't know very well.  The affidavit of support can then be used as a weapon in divorce court.  It's really too bad we can't just put up a bond for the girl coming on a visitors visa, and let these relationships develop normally at their own pace.  If these girls knew there were no guarantees for citizenship, and financial gain, it would weed out some of the opportunists.


Some guys say, "just go get another one if it doesn't work out".....  If it were only that simple.  Then the guy will be responsible for both girls for up to 10 years.  And that's if she gets a job and works.....if she doesn't work, the support could be stretched indefinitely.  Qualifying for the next girls visa will then take twice the financials. None of this is in the guys favor.  I suggest any guy going into this should understand the liability completely even if he has to pay an immigration lawyer for a consult.


So a guy is lonely here and really wants a nice girl and regular sex.  Life can get alot worse very fast with the wrong girl.


Hey I'm not discouraging you guys.  Just don't go in ignorant.  More pretty girls in the us is always a good thing, even if it came at someone else's expense.

.
Where's the statistic (valid) that sates that adult persons being boyfriend and girlfriend for longer periods of time thru long distance, leads to marriages that last longer than 7 years?

[Elexpatriado]

yeah.."just go get another one if it doesn't work out".....  famous last words.... ja..ja..

[Elexpatriado]

.
Where's the statistic (valid) that sates that adult persons being boyfriend and girlfriend for longer periods of time thru long distance, leads to marriages that last longer than 7 years?

Said it before and I'll say it again "una relacion de lejos es una relacion de Pendejos"

[Elexpatriado]

Or another one they say here in Colombia"una relacion de lejos es feliz por cuatro"

[Stevieboy]

yeah.."just go get another one if it doesn't work out".....  famous last words.... ja..ja..

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So, why get married at all? Quit while you're ahead, and you'll never have to risk it. It's easy to naysay and regurgitate negativity, yet have no personal experience whatsoever.

[whitey]

Yes, before my wife arrived here, a colombiana I knew would occasionally delight in telling me "amor de lejos, felices los cuatros" ... always irritated me.


It's working out well for this pendejo so far though ... although after being divorced once from a gringa, I'm not about to be cocky with this marriage only 3 years in.


I can understand falling in love quickly ... I did on my first trip to meet my wife, although I didn't tell her until later and didn't marry her until almost 2 years later ... on my 8th trip I think it was.


So, I'm an advocate of spending enough time to get to know your future wife well, but not everyone has the means to travel frequently ... or the patience. 


I do believe that two honest people can get to know each other quite well by communicating in the distance.  How much do you learn sitting next to a woman for a couple hours watching tv at night, versus having to talk to her for an hour or two?

[beulah]

Expat,  I did not read that the doctorguy said he was talking marriage.  I wouldn't give him a hard time even if he was. He is an adult.   

[Stevieboy]

Religion seems to be left out a lot in these discussions, though is a major part of a lasting relationship and there's several statistics that say so. A latin religious woman is more apt to stay in a destructive relationship, before she it to cheat on him. She's afraid of God, not to mention scrutiny by her family.  Same thing with a man. I think it was IV that mentioned the catholic engaged encounter weekend. I've taken it, and it's worth it. It also reminds you God is watching and reminds the couple marriage vows are sacred. Before meeting the parents, find out if she goes to church regularly. That's the first thing I ask the ladies.

[mambocowboy]

Yes, before my wife arrived here, a colombiana I knew would occasionally delight in telling me "amor de lejos, felices los cuatros" ... always irritated me.


It's working out well for this pendejo so far though ... although after being divorced once from a gringa, I'm not about to be cocky with this marriage only 3 years in.


I can understand falling in love quickly ... I did on my first trip to meet my wife, although I didn't tell her until later and didn't marry her until almost 2 years later ... on my 8th trip I think it was.


So, I'm an advocate of spending enough time to get to know your future wife well, but not everyone has the means to travel frequently ... or the patience. 


I do believe that two honest people can get to know each other quite well by communicating in the distance.  How much do you learn sitting next to a woman for a couple hours watching tv at night, versus having to talk to her for an hour or two?

I think in some ways the long distance aspect strengthens the relationship. You're left only with Skype and have to keep the relationship building without sexual contact. How many couples can survive without sexual contact for months on end? Mine did and plenty others' on PL have as well...It takes a lot of maturity to make a long distance relationship work and for us, the waiting period for k1/k3 is the first significant relationship test....

[Elexpatriado]

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So, why get married at all? Quit while you're ahead, and you'll never have to risk it. It's easy to naysay and regurgitate negativity, yet have no personal experience whatsoever.

No personal expereince- havent been readsing any of my posts have you??? Been through this several times, done some dumb things.. been theoretically "married" or "engaged" more than twice..taken a few Latinas to Canada for visits..but never had the"Balls" to take one permaently to my home country (came within a hairs breathe though)..
If you guys are really serious,  and really think this is a serious decision ,and not some  "lark" or "adventure" take 6 months sabbatical from your work and go and  live with the the woman and her family.Any competant guidance counsellor willtell you exactly the same. If you dont have the common sense and serious intent to do this, you deserve what you get... just read what JWR  wrote that can happen to you legally..you dont think he has any expereince? and its even worse in Canada. YOU have everything to lose and she has everything to gain.
 
And I can tell you with almost 100% confidence , your chance of sucsess with a Latina, espescially a Colombiana is LESS than with a gringa. The only difference is you have a lot more choices in Latin America.So take your time. Haste makes waste but I cant remember it exactly but there is a Dicho Paisa that says the same a taxi driver told me- Mas-o-menos "si te quedas demasiado rápido se cansará rápidamente