Just booked my return flight to Colombia for the 2nd trip

[Elexpatriado]

 
My god.. you really believe this? In Colombia , all the prostitutes go to mass and pray that they get more clients.. the sicarios go to confession after they shoot thier victims..this is a fact..just get to know and talk to Colombians.. my ex wifes family was religious..her sister in law was an Envangelical that went to church every Sunday.. yet she would lie to me , decieve , take advantage of me... many of these people are hypocrites- pure and simple.. I am an agnostic, and I know other agnostics and aethiests who, like myself have  morals, standards and ethics higher than the vast majority of these religious brain washed hypocrites.. they think its okay to cheat and lie and take advantage of people if you just go to mass and say a couple "Hail Marys".
 
Sorry, I dont want to sound rude or offensive, but I call bull[snip] bull[snip] when I see it..
 And another thing The "Family" will do their best to hide the affair, so they can keep getting "Papaya" from the Gringo- thats another thinG my  religious devote "Cunyada" was good at....
 
I could tell you a lot of other storys, but I dont want to get into my personal life too much..
By the way my dad is a devote European Catholic and a good man... but dont fall for that BS in Latin America- espescially Colombia
1

Religion seems to be left out a lot in these discussions, though is a major part of a lasting relationship and there's several statistics that say so. A latin religious woman is more apt to stay in a destructive relationship, before she it to cheat on him. She's afraid of God, not to mention scrutiny by her family.  Same thing with a man. I think it was IV that mentioned the catholic engaged encounter weekend. I've taken it, and it's worth it. It also reminds you God is watching and reminds the couple marriage vows are sacred. Before meeting the parents, find out if she goes to church regularly. That's the first thing I ask the ladies.

[Elexpatriado]

And to think I used to believe that BS as well.. naively 'grasping at Straws"
 
If you say "Dios Bendigas" 'Bendiciones" "El Senyor se cuide"or "Duermas con los Angelitos" she wont screw around on you when your in the states because she thinks its true...hah..what a laugh

[Stevieboy]

If you guys are really serious,  and really think this is a serious decision ,and not some  "lark" or "adventure" take 6 months sabbatical from your work and go and  live with the the woman and her family.Any competant guidance counsellor willtell you exactly the same.
 

.
You can't be serious Expat. Go and live with the woman and her family in her country? You sure it wasn't a high school guidance counselor for immature pregnant teenagers?    

[InnocentVixen]

Personally I don't mention religion because I am not religious myself, W is not religious either, we are both old fashioned though. I think a lot of people out there tend to forget that you don't need to be religious to be a good person with morals.

When I was searching I would always ask about religion and every touchy subject I could find, better get it out of the way early I thought. The most eager guys would usually reply with what they assume a latina would like to hear but it was easy to tell if they meant it or not... funny enough if they meant it that was a clear sign they were not the one for me. There should be a limit as to how much you are willing to compromise.


So if religion is important to you, it should be important to her.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As for taking the plunge on the second trip, whether you mean getting engaged or getting married advising against it would make me the biggest hypocrite. I never thought I would be ok with going that fast, but then again we knew about each other for a couple of years before even starting direct contact online. Just make sure you know and love her, not the idea of her.

[Elexpatriado]

.
You can't be serious Expat. Go and live with the woman and her family in her country? You sure it wasn't a high school guidance counselor for immature pregnant teenagers?    

you go ahead and do whatever you want to do and beleive whatever you want to believe none of my business...

[benjio]

Elexpatriado has seen exactly what I've seen in Colombia. But I've ran across plenty of exceptions as well. But to his point, that's after living and working there for extended periods of time. Some guys definitely luck out, but you've really got to dive deep into the culture to find truly virtuous people. They are out there though.

[Stevieboy]

Elexpatriado has seen exactly what I've seen in Colombia. But I've ran across plenty of exceptions as well. But to his point, that's after living and working there for extended periods of time. Some guys definitely luck out, but you've really got to dive deep into the culture to find truly virtuous people. They are out there though.

.
Hey, I'm not saying the guy has no life experience or lived in the country. I just find it ridiculous to assume you have to live with her family in a country where the both of you aren't gonna live anyway, and any competent guidance counselor says so? I'd like to hear from those here that have ended up in divorce because they didn't live with her parents in Col.

[benjio]

One thing all my experience in Latin America has taught me is there's no cookie cutter way to do this. There are guys that failed and others that have succeded doing exactly the same thing. Date more educated women that will adjust to life in the U.S. easier...pssshhh. Take a couple of dozen trips and spend as much time as possible with a girl before taking the plunge....double pssshhh. A gringo that did both those things could still end up getting divorced. I think there are some good points made by several posters as to some steps that can be taken to reduce the risk...but the risk is still there. It's not blackjack. There's no way to count these cards. This is roulette. You can do some things that break the risk of the gamble down to betting on a color. Or you can choose not to do those those things and it's the equivalent of betting on a number. It's still the same amount of money on the table.

[JWR]

Banjo wrote the post of posts.....

There are just variables in bringing one of these girls here that just can't be measured.  You roll the dice, and you take your chances.  In the past I've called it the $ 100,000 gamble.  When a girl goes through such huge cultural and often financial changes, it's impossible to predict what type of person she will change into, and if her future plans will include you.

But the process can be alot of fun, and after a break, I'll most likely take another shot.

One thing all my experience in Latin America has taught me is there's no cookie cutter way to do this. There are guys that failed and others that have succeded doing exactly the same thing. Date more educated women that will adjust to life in the U.S. easier...pssshhh. Take a couple of dozen trips and spend as much time as possible with a girl before taking the plunge....double pssshhh. A gringo that did both those things could still end up getting divorced. I think there are some good points made by several posters as to some steps that can be taken to reduce the risk...but the risk is still there. It's not blackjack. There's no way to count these cards. This is roulette. You can do some things that break the risk of the gamble down to betting on a color. Or you can choose not to do those those things and it's the equivalent of betting on a number. It's still the same amount of money on the table.

[fathertime]

I've always felt it is up to the 2 individuals....and what their risk threshold is....as JWR mentioned, just so long as the participants are aware of the risks and how it could impact the families, then I say do what you want!
 


One thing also is i think some of the fellas currently married tend to exaggerate the time they spent with the wife beforehand in part because of the pressure to appear more 'mature'...they are probably the type to 'disappear' or complain or blame..rather than look in the mirror...I agree with expatriado or awesome whichever one said that don't blame anybody but yourself if the marriage goes down in flames...for my part i was quick to go for it with my wife...if it should ever go down the crapper why then it would be at least in part my fault for not taking my time...but i doubt there would be any regrets or extended complaints!


I like Stevieboys willingness to go for it...but hey it is a crapshoot...people willing to take risks are more fun (in my opinion) for whatever that is worth.




Fathertime! 

[DRGUY1]

Expat,... just to clarify...I have not suggested marriage or posted about the subject in this post.


My reference to "taking the plunge", was more about being committed to this and enjoying my second trip to meet up with her--with no regrets.

Of course, there are many watch-outs in this process and all marriages have an element of risk, all of them...however I don't think that should stop any of us from exploring this as an option...You only live once

[Stevieboy]

.I agree with expatriado or awesome whichever one said that don't blame anybody but yourself if the marriage goes down in flames




Fathertime!

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You mean, Htown....

[Awesome]

I've always felt it is up to the 2 individuals....

This is basically what it comes down to in the end.

The chances of a couple staying together depend on who you are fundamentally inside and what led the two parties to seek a foreign wife/husband in the first place.  Like they say, there's only one way to find out.  I definitely say go for it.  What's the worst that could happen?  There's really not a big downside that I can see.

[Elexpatriado]

Depends what you mean by "Go for it"...getting in a serious relacion..OK..but marrying and bringing a foreign women to your country after a few visits...in my opinion ...Very RUBE-goldbergish...
 
Having the risk that you might have to support someone you might just possibly end up hating for ten years or being forced to leave the country isn't a downside? Very cavalier attitude...
 

This is basically what it comes down to in the end.

The chances of a couple staying together depend on who you are fundamentally inside and what led the two parties to seek a foreign wife/husband in the first place.  Like they say, there's only one way to find out.  I definitely say go for it.  What's the worst that could happen?  There's really not a big downside that I can see.

[Awesome]

Having the risk that you might have to support someone you might just possibly end up hating for ten years or being forced to leave the country isn't a downside? Very cavalier attitude...
 

Are you saying that if you divorce you still have to support her for for 10 years?  And "being forced to leave the country"?  That would suck.


You could be like stevieboy and just put the fear of god in her.  Make her believe that she'll be damned to burn in hell for eternity if she divorces you.  That might work.

[stnmasn]

elexpatriado is very insightful and accurate in his commentary.
 
Very worth at least considering that he may have valid points.
 
Take em or leave em. But at least take the time to contemplate what he writes.  Though obviously jaded, (and I can imagine jaded con razon),  he has a lot of accurate insight that he is sharing and its worth keeping what he is writing in mind. 
I am not saying follow his advice or do as he says. We all have to do our own thing and we all know best. I am just saying that  it would not hurt to acknowledge, (even if only to ones self and not on the forum), that what he says may actually be valid.


 keep it coming elex…. i love it!!!!

[Hector_Lavoe]

Yep. And thanks to guys like Stnmasn and JWR for keeping it real and continuing to post on PL after their marriage to a Colombiana ended.  Important to hear the good, the bad and the ugly.

[Elexpatriado]

Ja.Ja.Ja.. muy divertido...

Are you saying that if you divorce you still have to support her for for 10 years?  And "being forced to leave the country"?  That would suck.


You could be like stevieboy and just put the fear of god in her.  Make her believe that she'll be damned to burn in hell for eternity if she divorces you.  That might work.

[fathertime]

You could be like stevieboy and just put the fear of god in her.  Make her believe that she'll be damned to burn in hell for eternity if she divorces you.  That might work.

unless i'm missing something, stevieboy never said or implied that...if anything, for better or worse, his writing indicates he is pretty casual about marriage and divorce.


Fathertime!

[Awesome]

unless i'm missing something, stevieboy never said or implied that...if anything, for better or worse, his writing indicates he is pretty casual about marriage and divorce.


Fathertime!

Religion seems to be left out a lot in these discussions, though is a major part of a lasting relationship and there's several statistics that say so. A latin religious woman is more apt to stay in a destructive relationship, before she it to cheat on him. She's afraid of God, not to mention scrutiny by her family.  Same thing with a man. I think it was IV that mentioned the catholic engaged encounter weekend. I've taken it, and it's worth it. It also reminds you God is watching and reminds the couple marriage vows are sacred. Before meeting the parents, find out if she goes to church regularly. That's the first thing I ask the ladies.

What do you call that? 

It looks to me like sb plans on relying on her "fear of god" to keep his woman faithful.

[fathertime]

What do you call that? 

It looks to me like sb plans on relying on her "fear of god" to keep his woman faithful.

ok, thanks i missed that one...but in the overall context of Stevieboy's posts I didn't get that feeling.


Fathertime!

[benjio]

What do you call that? 

It looks to me like sb plans on relying on her "fear of god" to keep his woman faithful.

Placing the variable of religion aside, if there was absolutely, positively no way you would ever find out and she was sure of that; what else besides her moral standards would keep any woman faithful? Are you one of those guys that actually thinks women don't have a desire to sleep with men other than their husbands? That at some time during a marriage, they'll never consider acting on that desire?!!! That just because a person loves someone, they'll never give into lust? LMAO!!!! I'm pretty sure during the last few weeks we've established that most Colombianas have absolutely no problem lying to protect your feelings....soooooooo, what else is there?
 
We're talking about a society where most people's moral standards find their foundation in a belief in God. Regardless of how unethically many of them behave, there aren't many atheist in Colombia. Any moral decency you find there is almost always associated with devout Catholicism.

[robert angel]

I've never met a real gambler who was an atheist.

[Elexpatriado]

 
Like I said.. the  putas all go to mass to pray for more customers, the sicarios go to coonfession to make up for "poping" a few victims, and your "Relacion de Lejos / Pendejos" wife or girlfreind balls a couple barrio boys, picks up the clap, and says a few Hail Mary's and it's all OK...i'VE SEEN IT...

Placing the variable of religion aside, if there was absolutely, positively no way you would ever find out and she was sure of that; what else besides her moral standards would keep any woman faithful? Are you one of those guys that actually thinks women don't have a desire to sleep with men other than their husbands? That at some time during a marriage, they'll never consider acting on that desire?!!! That just because a person loves someone, they'll never give into lust? LMAO!!!! I'm pretty sure during the last few weeks we've established that most Colombianas have absolutely no problem lying to protect your feelings....soooooooo, what else is there?
 
We're talking about a society where most people's moral standards find their foundation in a belief in God. Regardless of how unethically many of them behave, there aren't many atheist in Colombia. Any moral decency you find there is almost always associated with devout Catholicism.

[benjio]

Like I said.. the  putas all go to mass to pray for more customers, the sicarios go to coonfession to make up for "poping" a few victims, and your "Relacion de Lejos / Pendejos" wife or girlfreind balls a couple barrio boys, picks up the clap, and says a few Hail Mary's and it's all OK...i'VE SEEN IT...

That's a given. I've seen the same things. But there's two sides to the religious fence. What are you saying...there's not a faithful Colombiana on the planet? Seriously? SO HEY EVERY GUY ON HERE MARRIED TO A COLOMBIANA!!! Guess what! According to Elexpatriado, every single one of you suckers on here that married a Colombiana after being away from her for an extended period of time waiting on the fiance visa to go through...your wife [snip]ed another guy(s) in Colombia while you two were dating! Just thought I'd let you all know!...and by the way Admins/Moderators...that's me being very sarcastic! 
 
My post was to make the point that the faithful girls out there aren't faithful because they never think about [snip]ing another guy. It's not because they're afraid of you finding out either. A woman can find a random guy to stick a penis in them anywhere and you wouldn't know a thing. There's something else there. A belief, an ideal...even an obligation to do what's right. Everyone, atheist or not, needs some type of moral compass. "Una relacion lejos es una de pendejos?" Pssssshhhh....truly a Colombian saying made up by Colombians who were probably cheating on someone they were living with...so what's the [snip]ing difference when it comes to what they think? A truly talented people when it comes to deflecting attention from their own misdeeds.
 
You think what I thought about Colombia about 3 years ago. I've spent about 14 more months there during the last three years (off and on and mostly in Bogota) with a class of women that have absolutely no interest in foreign dating or leaving the country. You should spend a little more time with your feet on the ground and not assume the worst about everyone before giving them a chance. I don't trust any Colombian until I get to know them very well, but I don't assume the absolute worse about every single one I meet before getting to know them. Some bitch really [snip]ed you over something serious buddy...and I'm sorry about that. If you've posted details about your bad experiences I'm sorry I missed them; but I'm guessing you ignored some tell tale signs during the process to keep stroking a hot piece of ass. And as I've said before...some of you guys gotta take the blame for decisions YOU made with a couple of women before condemning an entire country. You speak about Colombians like they're the smartest game runners on Earth. Not my experience. In most cases that happens when some sucker just can't get over the fact that he's dating the hottest girl that ever gave him the time of day, and doesn't realize there's a dozen more within spitting distance that are ready and willing.
 
Next you're going to tell me we're all going to hell because there's no heaven. Even if you don't believe in either, your pessimistic viewpoint towards life would only draw one inevitable conclusion at the end of it.