Just booked my return flight to Colombia for the 2nd trip

[mambocowboy]

.
 

 
There simply has to be plenty of room for forgiveness in a marriage.  In 10 years, I did so many nice things for my wife, but some girls will just focus on the mistakes you make, and forget the good parts.  Best to marry a forgiving girl who will fight for the marriage to work in hard times, and not give up.

One of my wife's best qualities is she doesn't hold grudges. Her baseline happiness level is pretty high as a result. I'd say that was probably one of the best qualities I noticed in her and I don't foresee that changing any time soon....And it sure helps if both parties are willing to fight for the marriage that sure helps too...I've only been married a year and a half and have already noticed how a relationship has to adapt to new stressors constantly. Unhealthy relationships adapt in unhealthy ways; healthy relationships adapt in ways that strengthen the bond in healthy ways...

[benjio]

but at this point we're both in agreement that her income will be a supplement and not a full time deal...

Mambo,
 
I'm in no way referring to your wife or your marriage as I don't know you personally, but I just wanted to make the point that this is one of the things I ALWAYS see change with guys that marry foreign women. Their wives get to the U.S. and at first they're just part time students to get better at English, but after 5 or 10 years they have university degrees and are working full time. I think the allure of professional success in North America is just too much to ignore for any foreign woman that's able and motivated. One of most important reasons I initially started searching SOTB was to find a girl that was comfortable with being only a wife and mother. I'm strongly of the opinion that a woman's success in a full time professional career will always come at some cost to her home and family. Which is another reason I'd probably never bring a girl back to live stateside.

[JWR]

Alot of these girls struggled to get by in their own country, and once they are here, they realize that with a little work and much less struggle, they can be empowered far beyond what they could realize at home, and they also get caught up in the money chase.  I agree with benjo on this one.


I also think that often some resentment gets stored up in the 1st few years toward their husbands that brought them to this country because of their unavoidable temporary loss of independence.  Guys want the girl to feel a bit of gratitude for improving her life, and for his financial sacrifices, but the girls end up slightly bitter for giving up their family, friends, and culture.


Also I think as these girls get out working in their fields, and start enjoying parts of the American dream, they then meet guys that they have more in common with then the husbands that brought them here.  I don't think most of these girls plan any of this, but givin the situation and new opportunities, they make big changes in their new life here, and those changes don't include their husband that made it all possible in the 1st place.


When I dated outside the country, I looked for an intelligent, energetic girl with some drive.  Maybe dating homebody girls from the province or countryside is a better idea as far as improving chances for a successful marriage.


I've developed more of benjos attitude towards not bringing another one of these girls back to the us, but I've tried living outside the country, and just don't enjoy it very much long term.  6 months a year would be perfect, but that doesn't work with a girlfriend down south.


One thing I have decided I don't want to go through again.....no college students, no gym memberships.......ha ha.


Mambo and Robert really seemed to have done well in their selections.  I'm happy for you guys.

[mambocowboy]

Mambo,
 
I'm in no way referring to your wife or your marriage as I don't know you personally, but I just wanted to make the point that this is one of the things I ALWAYS see change with guys that marry foreign women. Their wives get to the U.S. and at first they're just part time students to get better at English, but after 5 or 10 years they have university degrees and are working full time. I think the allure of professional success in North America is just too much to ignore for any foreign woman that's able and motivated. One of most important reasons I initially started searching SOTB was to find a girl that was comfortable with being only a wife and mother. I'm strongly of the opinion that a woman's success in a full time professional career will always come at some cost to her home and family. Which is another reason I'd probably never bring a girl back to live stateside.

we'll see. I'll be ok if my wife never works a day. If she wants to then she can go for it, but not at the expense of our children or our relationship.... One thing my wife told me that gave me pause was she mentioned all these women coming over here have "their goals" ("cada mujer tiene sus metas"), which they often don't share with their gringo husbands. If my wife valued her career as her number 1 priority she wouldn't have had a child with me, but  I'm disappointed  to hear what my wife tells me about some of her fellow Colombianas who are married to gringos. They all advised her to pursue her career and definitely NOT  have kids with me , just because a woman's got to take advantage of the opportunity to better her life over here. Fortunately my wife, at this point, doesn't fit in that category, but I can think of a bunch of the women from her neighborhood who are married to gringos and do...

[mambocowboy]

Alot of these girls struggled to get by in their own country, and once they are here, they realize that with a little work and much less struggle, they can be empowered far beyond what they could realize at home, and they also get caught up in the money chase.  I agree with benjo on this one.


I also think that often some resentment gets stored up in the 1st few years toward their husbands that brought them to this country because of their unavoidable temporary loss of independence.  Guys want the girl to feel a bit of gratitude for improving her life, and for his financial sacrifices, but the girls end up slightly bitter for giving up their family, friends, and culture.


Also I think as these girls get out working in their fields, and start enjoying parts of the American dream, they then meet guys that they have more in common with then the husbands that brought them here.  I don't think most of these girls plan any of this, but givin the situation and new opportunities, they make big changes in their new life here, and those changes don't include their husband that made it all possible in the 1st place.


When I dated outside the country, I looked for an intelligent, energetic girl with some drive.  Maybe dating homebody girls from the province or countryside is a better idea as far as improving chances for a successful marriage.


I've developed more of benjos attitude towards not bringing another one of these girls back to the us, but I've tried living outside the country, and just don't enjoy it very much long term.  6 months a year would be perfect, but that doesn't work with a girlfriend down south.


One thing I have decided I don't want to go through again.....no college students, no gym memberships.......ha ha.


Mambo and Robert really seemed to have done well in their selections.  I'm happy for you guys.

thanks JWR. If my marriage fails I'll be damned if it's because I don't communicate. We talk about most everything, including Planet Love. She's curious about the site. I told her I ain't paying for nursing school just so she'll up and leave me once she's making that nursing money....; but seriously, now that we have a child my desire to make the marriage work is even more than before. I definitely want our child to have parents who can show her how to make a marriage work...

[fathertime]

Mambo,
 
I'm in no way referring to your wife or your marriage as I don't know you personally, but I just wanted to make the point that this is one of the things I ALWAYS see change with guys that marry foreign women. Their wives get to the U.S. and at first they're just part time students to get better at English, but after 5 or 10 years they have university degrees and are working full time. I think the allure of professional success in North America is just too much to ignore for any foreign woman that's able and motivated. One of most important reasons I initially started searching SOTB was to find a girl that was comfortable with being only a wife and mother. I'm strongly of the opinion that a woman's success in a full time professional career will always come at some cost to her home and family. Which is another reason I'd probably never bring a girl back to live stateside.

Hey Benjio good points...my wife has been here almost 4.5 years and hasn't worked...but she wants to...our son started school last week so it is now possible without the familial cost you were referring to...in my opinion, if a man prefers his wife not work (while child is very young), the way to do it is to take a very strong stand against it...although we disagreed about it, my preference prevailed...in addition I made sure my wife had adequate money to spend on things she wanted or send part of it home to her mother.


Fathertime! 

[robert angel]

My wife works in medical sales at the world headquarters for a large, multinational medical equipment manufacturing  corporation. Lots of single young guys, also from top flight universities, working the same position she holds.   Their names are all posted on a chart each week, listing their sales figures, almost like a Wall Street brokerage set up. Very USA style, with a lot of hunky man/boy wolves, all  jockeying for position, along with a few women.

Her best friend--also Asian and not half as as fit and pretty as my wife (if  I may say so myself ) also works there and while there are company rules against overt 'making moves', she gets male attention. Besides my wife wearing a wedding band, I'm sure by the end of her first day, all the guys knew she was already married. Not that it matters to some dogs.

I certainly realize I'm tempting faith and fate by letting her work there or even in a lot of places, (something all guys ought to think about, namely their foreign or domestic bride working) but at least for now, she realizes if she were to pursue a 'fling', just how fleeting romance with these kind of guys usually is--that it initially starts with small talk --flirting, along with looks and infatuation-a 'spark' that leads one astray. Then after a while, you find what they're really like and end it, but by then having already lost or at least risked what you had in marriage.

I won't lie and say I don't worry a bit sometimes, but I figure if it's going to happen, it's just that--it's gonna happen somewhere, sometime.

Nonetheless, I'm glad I insist on her wearing the black, head to toe Muslim garb---Abayas, Jilbabs, Hijabs, floor length skirts, veils etc!

 

‎

[InnocentVixen]

"cada mujer tiene sus metas"

Indeed.


I believe that if a woman is truly family oriented, no matter where you put her she will stay that way. Some say they are because they feel it's the right answer, some others might actually have not made up their mind yet. But if a woman is in a situation where she already has the options and she keeps choosing the same path, then she has her mind made up.


This is the reason it always makes me sad when I read someone saying they wouldn't date a girl who has a more comfortable life that they can offer, the way I see it you are missing quite the chance there to be with a woman that will love you for who you are and assuming you have been yourself from the start, it means that you have her until the end.


Which reminds me something else, not long ago I mentioned W that I noticed a change in attitude from him when we are in the states, turns out he noticed the same in me. It makes sense that our attitude will change depending on our environment even if it's just temporarily, but makes me wonder if it's really the place that triggers it or is it a reaction to the change in the other person.


Even marriage among locals here have a similar issue, you date a person and as soon as you marry they become someone else, scary thing really!


I know it's too early to be smug about it, but with all the weddings in my family lately, I can't help to be thankful for how lucky I am... and quite honestly, to give myself a little pat on the back because it wasn't ALL luck 

[xiao john]

the annoying thing ever .. build up her wife seeking for attention

[Awesome]

This is a lot more truthful and honest than "if it doesnt work put, jus get anoter one, divorce is no big deal"

For some (or alot) of these, guys that's as good as it's going to get.  Just accept it and move on.  They go down to a poor country and get a wife that's out of their league then they act all surprised when the chick ends up using them and leaving them a few years later. 


Hello!!  These women aren't dumb.  If they can exploit a situation to advance their aspirations then that's their right and there's nothing anybody can do to stop them.  And if it happens to you just be happy that it lasted as long as it did.  You can't pay someone to love you.  It doesn't work like that.  These women are human beings after all.

[Elexpatriado]

Sure- theres a lot you can do to stop them...as soon as you see "RedFlags" at an early stage, dump them and move on. You are not forced to marry anyone...another dicho "es mejor a ser solo que con mala compania"...
 
And you youngins have a lot more time to sift through the ruffage and  garbage to find a diamond than an ols fart like me..
but its better not to compromise your values at any age, and if yu have to , die alone, without children,but with honour (easier said than done, I realize)..
 

For some (or alot) of these, guys that's as good as it's going to get.  Just accept it and move on.  They go down to a poor country and get a wife that's out of their league then they act all surprised when the chick ends up using them and leaving them a few years later. 


Hello!!  These women aren't dumb.  If they can exploit a situation to advance their aspirations then that's their right and there's nothing anybody can do to stop them.  And if it happens to you just be happy that it lasted as long as it did.  You can't pay someone to love you.  It doesn't work like that.  These women are human beings after all.

[Elexpatriado]

I always wondered about the productivity of people doing this kinda crap , or any type of excessive social interaction n the work place not related to work. If I was the boss, I'd make it clear I wouldnt stand for it...
 
Not to mention the morals of any type of dog/pig that goes after a married woman. Arent thier enouh single women out there?...
 

My wife works in medical sales at the world headquarters for a large, multinational medical equipment manufacturing  corporation. Lots of single young guys, also from top flight universities, working the same position she holds.   Their names are all posted on a chart each week, listing their sales figures, almost like a Wall Street brokerage set up. Very USA style, with a lot of hunky man/boy wolves, all  jockeying for position, along with a few women.

Her best friend--also Asian and not half as as fit and pretty as my wife (if  I may say so myself ) also works there and while there are company rules against overt 'making moves', she gets male attention. Besides my wife wearing a wedding band, I'm sure by the end of her first day, all the guys knew she was already married. Not that it matters to some dogs.
  I certainly realize I'm tempting faith and fate by letting her work there or even in a lot of places, (something all guys ought to think about, namely their foreign or domestic bride working) but at least for now, she realizes if she were to pursue a 'fling', just how fleeting romance with these kind of guys usually is--that it initially starts with small talk --flirting, along with looks and infatuation-a 'spark' that leads one astray. Then after a while, you find what they're really like and end it, but by then having already lost or at least risked what you had in marriage.

 

I won't lie and say I don't worry a bit sometimes, but I figure if it's going to happen, it's just that--it's gonna happen somewhere, sometime.

 

Nonetheless, I'm glad I insist on her wearing the black, head to toe Muslim garb---Abayas, Jilbabs, Hijabs, floor length skirts, veils etc!

 

 ‎

[mambocowboy]

For some (or alot) of these, guys that's as good as it's going to get.  Just accept it and move on.  They go down to a poor country and get a wife that's out of their league then they act all surprised when the chick ends up using them and leaving them a few years later. 

Not sure how true that is. Sounds like a media stereotype to me.... Myself and the gringos I've met who are married to Colombianas take very good care of ourselves and other than the age differences (6-10 years), no one other than a resentful gringa would characterize us as marrying "out of their league."
 

[fathertime]

For some (or alot) of these, guys that's as good as it's going to get.  Just accept it and move on.  They go down to a poor country and get a wife that's out of their league then they act all surprised when the chick ends up using them and leaving them a few years later. 


Hello!!  These women aren't dumb.  If they can exploit a situation to advance their aspirations then that's their right and there's nothing anybody can do to stop them.  And if it happens to you just be happy that it lasted as long as it did.  You can't pay someone to love you.  It doesn't work like that.  These women are human beings after all.

I can some truth in this...but obviously it has to be a case by case basis...for example there are men that have already completely raised their family...In my opinion these older men have already accomplished the most important part of their lives...now if they would like to have some fun and date/marry a young babe and it improves her situation, it probably isn't that important (or surprising) if it winds up in a divorce at some point...  there are so many different situations, it really different for EACH individual...for the younger posters I can understand the attitude that they want to 'get it right the first time'...IMO maybe that becomes less important as you hit middle age or later....for some older guys it might be their first marriage and rolling the dice is what they want to do...I think that is their decision and understand the viewpoint....ultimately the men should be good sports about it and if everything goes to shhit and the woman wasn't TOO big a beeytch, then try to leave her in better shape then you found her!


whaddya think Awesome?


Fathertime! 

[Awesome]

whaddya think Awesome?


Fathertime!

I think some guys know what to look for in a good woman and other guys don't.  Some guys don't know what it is they want exactly.  Some guys go for the trophy wife and set themselves up for failure.


I just think the guys who fall into the category of "it was over before it ever even started" should look at the bright side.  A few good years with a beautiful woman is still doing way better than ALOT of guys.  Be thankful for the experiences and look forward to the options you still have.

[robert angel]

I think some guys know what to look for in a good woman and other guys don't.  Some guys don't know what it is they want exactly.  Some guys go for the trophy wife and set themselves up for failure.

Too many guys are blinded by beauty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZMA5Y1pwiY
 
 
 

[stnmasn]

father time  i like the sentiments you expressed   "try to leave her in better shape than you found her"  i can appreciate that sentiment because i feel the same way. I want my ex to have a happy healthy content life….i feel we all deserve that




I am of the opinion that i want my wife to work and earn her own money.   I love to work and I love my job. i love the sense of satisfaction of a job well done…. Why would I want to keep that opportunity and feelings of pride from someone i love….. just because I am afraid she may think there is better out there than being with me and she may leave me…..or….. She may have a fling with someone younger and handsomer than me...  I am not so insecure that those thoughts ever bothered me….at all…never…. 


 her receiving her own paycheck ,,,,and buying her own things,,,, and sending money to help her parents,,,,, NOT NEEDING TO ASK FOR MONEY FROM ME,,,,,,,,and having the sense of pride felt from her making the most of her opportunity to live the "American Dream"……….like the ad says "PRICELESS"


I can't imagine how it would feel,,, having to ask my significant other for money every time i needed something.,,,, that would be difficult and maybe even humiliating……if i weren't allowed to do something to change the situation then i may end up having feelings of resentment myself….

[Awesome]

 her receiving her own paycheck ,,,,and buying her own things,,,, and sending money to help her parents,,,,, NOT NEEDING TO ASK FOR MONEY FROM ME,,,,,,,,and having the sense of pride felt from her making the most of her opportunity to live the "American Dream"……….like the ad says "PRICELESS"


I can't imagine how it would feel,,, having to ask my significant other for money every time i needed something.,,,, that would be difficult and maybe even humiliating……if i weren't allowed to do something to change the situation then i may end up having feelings of resentment myself….

That's very noble of you and I feel the same way, but many gringos who search for a foreign wife are looking for the complete opposite.  They want a traditional woman who's totally content with being a housewife.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that either.

[stnmasn]

 the idea of finding the traditional woman who is totally content with being the housewife…..i at times have thought that is what i would like also ….. of course there is nothing wrong with that….. it is a tall order but a good one……


I SAY PUT EM TO WORK !!!!! 

[Awesome]

the idea of finding the traditional woman who is totally content with being the housewife…..i at times have thought that is what i would like also ….. of course there is nothing wrong with that….. it is a tall order but a good one……


I SAY PUT EM TO WORK !!!!!

How exactly is that "a tall order"? 


Isn't that one of the fundamental reason many men go to latin america, to find a more traditional housewife type of woman?  I thought that's why everybody here supposedly avoids gringas because they want to study and work and wear the pants in the family?


If I'm going to spend countless hours on skype, thousands of dollars on legal visa crap, and risk my neck going to some narco kidnap terrorist filled backwater to bring back a wife I'm sorry but she's going to be at home cooking me home cooked meals, keeping my house squeaky clean, looking like a million bucks at all times, and basically treating me like the king that I am.  And I wouldn't mind one bit sending some money back home to help out her folks.


But letting her go to school and work all day long and coming home tired while I sit at home alone watching seinfeld reruns and eating tv dinners, f*ck that nonsense!

[pchip]

But letting her go to school and work all day long and coming home tired while I sit at home alone watching seinfeld reruns and eating tv dinners, f*ck that nonsense!

To get the same end treatment as a gringa is bad indeed, however who says she can't work AND still treat you like a king??

[Awesome]

To get the same end treatment as a gringa is bad indeed, however who says she can't work AND still treat you like a king??

Na, screw that.  I need a homemaker type.  I don't have a boss or anybody telling me what to do and I wouldn't want my wife to be told what to do by her manager or boss.  Even if I marry a gringa with a masters degree I'm still not going to want her to work.  Maybe if she's running her own business that would be ok, but I wouldn't be able to handle knowing that my queen is being told what to do by anyone, other than me of course.

[DRGUY1]

If I'm going to spend countless hours on skype, thousands of dollars on legal visa crap, and risk my neck going to some narco kidnap terrorist filled backwater to bring back a wife I'm sorry but she's going to be at home cooking me home cooked meals, keeping my house squeaky clean, looking like a million bucks at all times, and basically treating me like the king that I am.  And I wouldn't mind one bit sending some money back home to help out her folks.


But letting her go to school and work all day long and coming home tired while I sit at home alone watching seinfeld reruns and eating tv dinners, f*ck that nonsense!

Hahaha, I thought I was the only one eating Salisbury steak TV dinner's , watching re-runs, while rehearsing romantic spanish phrases for the big  day….

[stnmasn]

not everyone here avoids gringas….some of them are great f@#$ing…..


and yes  ...a tall order it is….to find "a traditional woman who is totally content with being the house wife" here in the USA or in Colombia ……good luck  on that one….. bringing her to the USA if you want to keep her "traditional and content en la casa"  may not be the best approach……..


 i suppose that if one wants to keep the woman far away from her culture and friends and not let her out except when she is being closely watched and guarded by her "man" so as not to be exposed to modern feminine ideas,,,one may have better luck with that approach, ( the approach you have previously mentioned ).


Awesome are you spending countless hours on Skype?   do you travel to super dangerous areas buscando mujeres? or is all your talk just talk?


do you really think that if you find a woman in one of these areas and spend the "thousands" to bring her here that she will do all that you expect? ?  keep the home spotless,,,, while she  looks like a million bucks all the time,,,preparing the meals and treating you like a king without any back talk….. a question do kings tolerate back talk?

[Awesome]

not everyone here avoids gringas….some of them are great f@#$ing…..

I don't think everyone here avoids gringas, it's most likely the other way around.  Personally, I absolutely adore them.

and yes please ...a tall order it is….to find "a traditional woman who is totally content with being the house wife" here in the USA or in Colombia ……good luck awesome on that one….. bringing her to the USA if you want to keep her "traditional and content en la casa"  may not be the best approach……..

Good luck?  I don't know about you, but I see absolutely nothing difficult with that, not in the least.  You just have to know where to look.

i suppose that if one wants to keep the woman far away from her culture and friends and not let her out except when she is being closely watched and guarded by her "man" so as not to be exposed to modern feminine ideas,,,one may have better luck with that approach, ( the approach you have previously mentioned awesome).

I didn't didn't say keep her from feminine ideas, I'm not one bit worried about that.  What I said was some guys might do good to keep her from mingling with her own people too much.  Let's take your case for instance.  Suppose you bring your little 19 yr old to the states and she goes to the colombian festival or a latino dance club and sees all of the other girls her age with daddy yankee papichulo latino studs and she's going around with some pasty old gringo that looks like her grandpa.  How do you think she's going to feel.  Come on, let's be honest now.

Awesome are you spending countless hours on Skype?   do you travel to super dangerous areas buscando mujeres? or is all your talk just talk?

[/size] I've never done the skype thing.  Well ok once with an ex gf who moved back to chicago.  And yes I've spent quite a bit of time in colombia and mexico.  I'll never do the dating site/skype thing simply because I don't need to.  I can easily meet and hook up with women face to face anywhere I go.[size=78%]

do you really think that if you find a woman in one of these areas and spend the "thousands" to bring her here that she will do all that you expect? ?  keep the home spotless,,,, while she  looks like a million bucks all the time,,,preparing the meals and treating you like a king without any back talk…..Awesome a question do kings tolerate back talk or is there punishment for people who talk back?

You apparently don't know women very well.  It's all about how a woman is raised by her parents, and more specifically her mother.  If she was raised to be a good obedient wife than that's what she'll be.  If she was raised to be a go-getter career woman than that's what she'll be.  If she was raised to be a club hopping party girl then that's what she'll be.  I know women who fit into all three categories, believe it or not.  My ex gf who moved back to chicago is one of them.  When we were together she went to school full time, cheerleaded part time for a semi pro football team, worked as a waitress part time, loved going out clubbing and would get dressed up to the nines, and still managed to come over to my apartment and cook me meals and have marathon nympho sex.  She's a latina who was born and raised in chicago but went to college in texas.  That girl worshipped the ground I walk on as does my latina gf I'm with now who has basically the same characteristics as the chicago girl.  She's hardworking but very much a traditional latina housewife type.  She loves to serve and pamper me, that's what makes her happy and gives her satisfaction.  And it's well understood that what I say goes, no questions asked.  No need for any "punishment".