Ideas to Mitigate Risks Associated With Colombian Women?

[mambocowboy]

I didn't see anything negative or perhaps I just didn't intrepret them that way.
The whole thing is a huge risk and no matter what you do it may all come unsuck in 10 years anyway.
Therefore it's true that at some point you need to simply take a risk.

However if you can't live with or very close to someone for 2 years before you make a huge committment to them, isn't it simply natural to Skype and otherwise communicate rather obessively for 2 years instead? If I intend to marry someone and live together for the rest of my life. What is 2 years?

There isn't anything magical about 2 years but whatever the timeframe is, one needs a fair amount of time IMHO.

I wouldn't feel comfortable marrying a woman until we had at least one decent arguement. I need to know we can resolve conflict and still feel the same way about each other. It takes time for something like that to show it's ugly head.

The other thing is that in my limited experience these women are far more complex than one might initially realise, with the language barrier, fog of love and all. The word manipulative comes to mind. Complex is perhaps a nicer word. One needs to actually experience this for one's self because I don't think it is easy to explain and it has about 1,000 shades.

All that being said, everyone is different. And I want more and more guys to be sucessful at this. So whatever you decide to do - good luck.

I agree completely VMan. This marriage thing ain't easy, and the foreign marriage thing definitely isn't. Infatuation and that feeling of being completely accepted and valued isn't always going to be there. You're going to hurt each others feelings, sometimes without even knowing it, and hopefully grow together in the right ways.

[Kiltboy1]

Someone earlier mentioned 25% of foreign marriages work. Is there any data out there that shows the success rate for our type of marriages? Didn't know if that was a random BS number or if there was real data out there.

If it's a real number, I need 3 of you f'ers to get divorced!!   

That was me that said that.
No scientific data. Only that in the past 12 years I have been on this forum about 75% of marriages did not last. No gloom and doom, just things that are told to me.I get lots of private PM's from guys that need advice because I made a lot of the same mistakes  my first Rodeo. You will never hear from these guys  nor will they admit to it, but it is true. Sorry to tell you this . Does not mean you cannot be one of the 25% that do make it. just history of guys on this forum.

KB

[mambocowboy]

That was me that said that.
No scientific data. Only that in the past 12 years I have been on this forum about 75% of marriages did not last. No gloom and doom, just things that are told to me.I get lots of private PM's from guys that need advice because I made a lot of the same mistakes  my first Rodeo. You will never hear from these guys  nor will they admit to it, but it is true. Sorry to tell you this . Does not mean you cannot be one of the 25% that do make it. just history of guys on this forum.

KB

that's too bad. we'd all learn a lot from hearing from those guys here....

[Researcher]

It seems most guys just get defensive when someone offers advice they don't want to hear. It makes for lively posting anyway. Some people only learn from being raked over the coals.

[JasonA]

Hi Jason, I think I know what you meant but your analogy is TERRIBLE...often times in Texas hold-em people go all-in without seeing the flop.  It is the right play to make, many times there is enough money in the pot pre-flop to put pressure on the other players to risk all their chips or get the hell out...especially if you are holding bullets and the pot has already been raised once or twice.


Fathertime!

And all it takes is two deuces in that flop to make that person crap their pants... 

My analogy is spot on, FT. It's a very risky move because you haven't gathered enough information to make a smart/calculated decision (seeing the flop, the turn or the river vs getting to know the girl better). The outcome of losing both of these gambles is the same...  You're going home broke!

Spot on poker analogy.

[ColombianLoco]

Skype is not an option until I fix her computer...  Other than money to get her passport she don't wsnt my money ... She is not working and it would be easy to take it.   

I don't mean to throw TOO much wood into the fire here, but LatinSharpei, if you care to elaborate, would you mind sharing what you meant by this?

Have you guys discussed how you'll handle your finances once you move in together? Are you planning to support her financially? 

I may be completely off here, but if she needs your money to get a passport chances are she'll end up needing a lot more of it for other things.

[mambocowboy]

I don't mean to throw TOO much wood into the fire here, but LatinSharpei, if you care to elaborate, would you mind sharing what you meant by this?

Have you guys discussed how you'll handle your finances once you move in together? Are you planning to support her financially? 

I may be completely off here, but if she needs your money to get a passport chances are she'll end up needing a lot more of it for other things.

and expecting it too. The culture of BAQ is that whoever has the most money in a family  (in this hypothetical  case the in law gringo) should be sharing it with those who don't have as much.. It doesn't matter if you're a gringo who flips hamburgers at McDonald's. If you're a gringo who could afford a plane ticket to BAQ, they all think you're loaded...

[fathertime]

And all it takes is two deuces in that flop to make that person crap their pants... 

My analogy is spot on, FT. It's a very risky move because you haven't gathered enough information to make a smart/calculated decision (seeing the flop, the turn or the river vs getting to know the girl better). The outcome of losing both of these gambles is the same...  You're going home broke!

Spot on poker analogy.

Well Jason I’ve been playing no limit Texas Hold Em for a long time, often for high stakes.  I know for a fact that you have not because what you are saying is something a novice would say.  I could provide you literally dozens of links or youtube vidoes where the professionals and poker tourney winners are all-in before the flop.  Do you know better than all of them?
   In No Limit you always run the risk of being busted out, that is one aspect that separates the men from the boys.  To use your example of somebody catching 2 deuces on the flop, against AA…how often is a guy with a 2 going to call an ALL IN bet preflop?  Very very rarely.   Do you know how often  a guy with a smaller pair say 88 or 22 beat a guy with AA preflop?  It is about 80%-20% against…a  smart poker player would take those odds and get his money in good.  In addition, much of the time the person with the smaller pair cave in to the pressure of the ALL-IN preflop raise.   In no limit poker going in preflop is COMMON, when the blinds reach a certain level or there is 1-2 raises in front of an ultra-premium hand….I understand what your point was as it relates to women, but you need to find a better analogy. Had you said a guy shoved all his money in the pot without looking at his 2 hole cards than it would be a reasonable point and I would agree with you.   


Fathertime!   

[JasonA]

I said two deuces in the flop. Things were looking great one second and then took a turn...   Which could further the analogy. My point being, obviously, the more you know, the less risky the decision is whether it's poker or getting engaged to a Latina.

And I prefer the stock market for my gambling itch...  Can you say BoA at $6 and change!!

[bcc_1_2]

Your biases and overall unsatisfactory experience in Colombia have tainted your viewpoint.

Being a kid in a candy store is not unsatisfactory. The cavities and diabetes down the road could be however. My opinion is informed by more than my own experiences. International relationships with Colombianas are challenging enough before you start throwing in the big age gaps in many... and the transition/visa to the states. Guys show up, post great things, then are all so busy with their wonderful marriages that they fall of the face of the internet  . However, I have no negative thoughts regarding married men on here who claim success in BAQ. I wish them the best of course.
Benjio is the most reasonable voice on BAQ that I've heard.
 

   Use of an agency and deciding to get engaged in the first few days are two separate items.   

Wait you mean guys aren't paying Jamie to vet these women and provide his valuable advice? This is a case of putting profit/business over good advice. His website should come out strongly against the quick trip and engagement rollercoaster and he should have been up in LS's grill letting him know it too. For those on a budget they could use other methods to connect with a lot more women and use that money they would have given Jamie for a 2nd trip back... not a great advertisement for drumming up business though.
 

I take it the pickings are slim in the Midwest…when I was in my 20’s It wasn’t too difficult to pull a beautiful babe from around town.

Well FT the times are changing. Obesity in the Midwest and south (well just about everywhere) is a problem. I still was out throwing around the football/baseball/etc the kids just a few years younger than me got hooked on video games... texting, etc.
Hooking a good looking women isn't exactly the issue... it is the personality and chemistry (or lack there of ). Rather than let a gringa expect me to be greatful for the opportunity to buy her a drink... I'd fly to BAQ, waste a few grand, get myself hospitalized on a IV drip, sweat my azz off, and hit on a heavily unemployed and uneducated population... and take my chances.
My issues with BAQ has always been about the numbers. Lack of education and employment was the big turn off to me. And those issues are undisputable.
 
 

[fathertime]

 
 Wait you mean guys aren't paying Jamie to vet these women and provide his valuable advice? This is a case of putting profit/business over good advice. His website should come out strongly against the quick trip and engagement rollercoaster and he should have been up in LS's grill letting him know it too. 

No agency owner  is under no obligation to tell men in absolute terms how he thinks they should sail their ship.  The reviews continue to be glowing for him, and rightfully so.  You have NEVER gotten over how he handed you your lunch a few years ago here.  There really isn’t any other logical reason for you, (a guy who has never been to Barranquilla) to have such a strong opinion about it’s women or his agency.   

Hooking a good looking women isn't exactly the issue... it is the personality and chemistry (or lack there of ). Rather than let a gringa expect me to be greatful for the opportunity to buy her a drink... I'd fly to BAQ, waste a few grand, get myself hospitalized on a IV drip, sweat my azz off, and hit on a heavily unemployed and uneducated population... and take my chances.[/size]My issues with BAQ has always been about the numbers. Lack of education and employment was the big turn off to me. And those issues are undisputable.
 
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[size=78%] [/size][/size][size=78%]  [/size]
When I was looking for a wife I thought about going to horrendous Honduras but I saw how stubby, indigenous and unattractive the Honduran women generally were from my perspective, so I thought Colombia would be  better 'chemistry' for me.…these facts are true and indisputable.    I wasn't going  to waste my time with those women, and not only that, I can't believe anybody else would too!  I must make it my mission to warn the world about those unattractive women from horrendous Honduras, because of what I have heard    [/size][size=78%]    [/size]
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[Fuzzyone]

 Wow thanks Fathertime I knew there was a reason I never went to Honduras, I think they are are unemployed to right? What is the name of that hotel all the gringos stay at down there? Crusty's place?

[pchip]

You have NEVER gotten over how he handed you your lunch a few years ago here.  There really isn’t any other logical reason for you, (a guy who has never been to Barranquilla) to have such a strong opinion about it’s women or his agency.   

[/size]Ohhh, so THAT's why he's so adamant anti Jamie / anti agency, eh? [size=78%] [/size] I'm neither pro nor anti, I just think of it as another way to meeting women.  Had I not met my fiancee (wife in a few days yay [size=78%] [/size]) on Colombian Cupid, I'd have gone the agency route (Either Jamies or Consuelo).
[/size]
There are multiple ways to meet potential wives, they each have their own advantages and disadvantages.  Everybody should make their own analysis and take their own decision on which route(s) to take.


Anyhow, BCC, I wish you good luck in your search.

[benjio]

Ohhh, so THAT's why he's so adamant anti Jamie / anti agency, eh? [size=78%] [/size] I'm neither pro nor anti, I just think of it as another way to meeting women.  Had I not met my fiancee (wife in a few days yay [size=78%] [/size]) on Colombian Cupid, I'd have gone the agency route (Either Jamies or Consuelo).

There are multiple ways to meet potential wives, they each have their own advantages and disadvantages.  Everybody should make their own analysis and take their own decision on which route(s) to take.


Anyhow, BCC, I wish you good luck in your search.

I believe BCC is already spoken for....
 
I really enjoyed all the Texas Hold 'Em talk...I'm just getting into it and I'm really enjoying the psychological aspects of the game. It takes you a while to realize there's so much more going on than the cards you're holding in your hand...there's a dating foreign women metaphor for you! 
 
I can't believe the way you guys are talking about Honduras. I saw some stunners in Tegucigalpa while I was there. I couldn't make the argument that the numbers were comparable to Barranquilla but definitely not a place I'd consider a waste of time for wife hunters. On BCC's city rating thread I think I gave Tig 2.5 on the hotness of the women. Three of the most attractive Latinas I know in Houston are bartenders from Honduras.

[beulah]

I'M pretty sure BCC has said he is married.  He is extremely opinionated about Jamie and Barranquilla. Are you sure he has never had a fast one pulled. He acts like it.   I'd use the agency in Barranquilla because everybody that uses the oufit gives them a good report.

[bcc_1_2]

I can't believe the way you guys are talking about Honduras. I saw some stunners in Tegucigalpa while I was there.

Right now the issue with Honduras is violence. I met my girl off of social networking and right now it would be a pretty dangerous place to travel due to current conditions IMO. But according to the IMF Colombia actually has double the unemployment as Honduras and the highest levels of unemployment and lowest levels of education in Colombia is on the coast. Possibly surprising to most folks that clearly just aren't up on the numbers.
Honduras would be a huge tourist destination if they finished their development plans and got the gangs (violence) under control. 

[bcc_1_2]

He is extremely opinionated about Jamie and Barranquilla.

I'm opinionated about a lot of other cities and countries as well. It only seems unbalanced because the conversations here are unbalanced on the area of Latin America that is constantly discussed. I tried just a couple of agencies on a pay per chica basis (just met a guy who used the one in Costa Rica too). They just weren't delivering what I was looking for.
I did my online searches and gave BAQ a chance before coming to the conclusion that I didn't want to go there and throw in a newspaper advertisement as other cities looked a lot more promising.

[raycjs]

I am one of theses Guy's and i thought i took it slow...I thought i knew what i was getting into, I made over 12 trips in 1 year to BAQ to spend time and visit my girl... after 3 months in the US.. i realized it would not work anymore and i sent her home... 3 months later i met a girl from BAG and now over 3 years later i am a very Happy man with a great girl from BAQ.. things are great and keep getting better... i would listen to all these guys...The number one thing i can tell you is to try and take it slow and ask a lot of questions.. try to make sure your girl in LA totally understands life in the US...Honesty from both side is number 1... I wish you the best of luck.. if it works you will be a very happy man with hopfully a very loyal women.. i know my girl has my back and is very honest and loyal..
 
 
best of luck to you...
 
 
Researcher congratulations,,,, and thank you for all your past advice...
 
Ray

[beulah]

I'm opinionated about a lot of other cities and countries as well. It only seems unbalanced because the conversations here are unbalanced on the area of Latin America that is constantly discussed. I tried just a couple of agencies on a pay per chica basis (just met a guy who used the one in Costa Rica too). They just weren't delivering what I was looking for.
I did my online searches and gave BAQ a chance before coming to the conclusion that I didn't want to go there and throw in a newspaper advertisement as other cities looked a lot more promising.

for some reason you had an unfulfilling experience with whatever agencies you used.  Maybe your mistake was they were not reputable. You are only regugatating isolated comments here and focusing only on the negative.  Almost every comment I read of yours is biased against Baq and Jaimes agency. That flies in the face of what firsthand experiences people are having. It becomes overbearing after a while.   

[LatinSharpei]

I don't mean to throw TOO much wood into the fire here, but LatinSharpei, if you care to elaborate, would you mind sharing what you meant by this?

Have you guys discussed how you'll handle your finances once you move in together? Are you planning to support her financially? 

I may be completely off here, but if she needs your money to get a passport chances are she'll end up needing a lot more of it for other things.

We have discussed a lot of things financially...  The plan was for her to learn english and get her educated enough to work at a place other than fast food or other dirty jobs.  I value her enough not to ask that of her.  She recently told me she wants to send money home to her family.  I don't mind that being it came with the statement that she wants to work. ot so sound like a jerk but I put in alot of OT so I can pay cash for my stuff.  I don't want to be working OT to ship it all to her mom.  I like to feel the reward for the extrs time and effort I put in.

It really does not matter I am betting against my own relationship at this point.  I am putting the over / under at October 1 so I obviously am not gonna do papers or start paying for english classes so she can go back to the agency and be better off for some other gringo... She does not know I feel this way as of now but something has been bugging me more and more since the weekend.  It had to call someone on BS for me but today I have to otherwise I am pissing my own money away to only have the wind blow the piss back in me face

[bcc_1_2]

Maybe your mistake was they were not reputable.

Some more than others... none I would consider "scams". L-W was in the same boat at the time... not enough women in the age range with the background I wanted to justify my time in the city. I think others that have had the time on the ground would agree about how little any agency can offer compared to the overall general population. Those more pressed for time and with different search criteria than me have taken advantage of what they do offer.
I think it is safe to assume things like high English level, high education level, young working professional, and even travel visa holder are good traits to have. The visa is nice but rare... everything else you can find in Colombia if you look.

[robert angel]

I think in a lot of cases, pretty much most of the money a woman makes working, goes back home, so you might start getting used to something similar. If it's case where she's staying at home, it can really wear on a guy (and the relationship) if he's paying to support her family back home. It always seems like there's something that requires more money.

 
Good thing you're discussing this up front.

 
My wife has rebuilt two homes, provided air conditioning for three immediate family members homes and covers tuition and allowances for her siblings. A typhoon basically wiped their homes and farm off the planet last December and she paid for that --restoring things as much as possible, providing a power generator, food and medicine too--but my family really wanted to help in that case, as  it--typhoon Pablo/Bopha was the number one natural disaster  world wide in terms of deaths last year. So we kicked in a good amount of cash for the first time. They just had water to homes restored a month ago, electricity ONLY took six months to be restored.

 
I don't think too many of us here end up with women from wealthy families. If you do--congrats., but wealthy women overseas rarely marry outside their own circles.

 
Natural disasters,  political/govt. corruption, and terrorism can happen anywhere---from Boston, Bogota to Beijing. I just happened to marry into a highly educated family that decided on a rural, sometimes low income farming life. There they have more than their share of  occasional mudslides, typhoons, floods, earth quakes, political corruption and communist, as well as Muslim insurgencies and terrorism--so I got to check off all the boxes--BINGO! I know South and Central America's no stranger to a number of these factors either.

 
Things are more normal lately, but besides tuition costs, there's always going to be 'this and that'. Last night, my wife explained her two youngest sisters hadn't had a new pair of jeans in a long time, they are just hitting full growth, are actually bigger than my wife now and we agreed to increase their 'allowance' so they could get a new pair and a new blouse each. They swap--share clothes. We are not talking about 'designer' brand here--very basic. We send a couple big boxes of nice stuff a year, but it's been a while. They're both students and have worn out and or out grown the Gap blouses and pants I got on a great sale a couple years back.
 
 
Whether it's the Philippines or South America, any clothing that says Aeropostle, Hollister, Nike, Adidas or Victoria's Secret will be treasured and if you keep a sharp eye out, you can get these things marked 75% down or more sometimes.

 
Her being the eldest, we're seeing some of her siblings graduate and take jobs overseas and now they're also sending money back home. Eventually, hopefully all will be self sufficient and my wife will just send home substantially less to help out her elderly parents--but so will her siblings. That's a big part of their culture.

 
I actually enjoy shopping sales sometimes for stuff I know they'll appreciate a lot more than my own kids back here in the states, but my wife probably covers 90%+ of the cost to help back home. It's hard to argue when their homes were destroyed and the trees that provided income on their farm were destroyed also, leaving them with no income and a govt. that does almost nothing.

 
Still, my wife contributes to our household immensely financially and in other ways. She pays a lot of the house hold utility bills every month, buys some groceries, including food she prepares every day for me to take  to work for lunch. My co workers envy my lunches--she doesn't skimp on cheap cuts of meat or other foods. She's quick to pick up the tab at a restaurant and buys me occasional, unexpected gifts. I'm no neat nik, so she keeps the house up pretty much too, just makes the house a home. The laundry gets done, she irons and folds everything and keeps the place running in decent order.

 
All that said, if I lost my job tomorrow, I'd use the medical insurance from her job and a lot less of her income would be going back to her home--HERE is priority number one and we're both US Citizens.

 
I suggest you discuss 'arrangements' ahead of time, because marrying a woman from overseas is often different than two native born Americans who marry, with both working and financially everything staying local. As said, if you don't, or you're not ready for it, it may cause stress.

[JWR]

On the subject of "sending her back" if things don't work out.  There are ways for her to stay in the US no matter what her status is......K1 under 90 days unmarried, married, whatever.  If she wants to stay, she's staying, and you may end up supporting her.  You can't force her to go back, reset the process, and have a complete "do over".  The deck is stacked in the girl's favor once she gets off the plane.
 
Money is a very complex issue, and is a real problem in many of these relationships.  I would not want a girl that just forgets about her family back home in need.  That would be a cold, cold, girl.  Then again, if she gets a job and spends most of her time working to make money to help her family back home, that can seriously cut into your lifestyle.  If she's working full time, you can't take trips and enjoy life.  There's no easy answer.  My wife worked in our business, so we had control.  She handled the money in most ways, and was very good with it.
 
Since Colombia, I've traveled to the Philippines, dated there, met new friends in Mindanao, and have been trying to learn about the culture there.  Pinays are supposedly very, very, romantic girls.  In my experience, most of them want to talk about money alot.  Maybe not always asking for money, but money is a priority, and a driving force for these girls.  Of course this is no surprise considering how poor the country is, but talking about money too soon in a friendship sure pores cold water on any romance that is developing.  It's a real turnoff......  The other night I was chatting with my friend in Manila that I've known for a couple years.  We're really just good friends, so she's honest with me.  I asked her what exactly does she want for her life in the future.  She said, "a mini cooper, and to live in the US"......  I was thinking that she would say, "a loving husband and kids"......
 
I don't think most of us mind helping out the family.  Just not to be used.

[robert angel]

ESPECIALLY early on, do NOT even hint at how much your income is, what you drive or how big your house is. If anything, 'low ball' it and talk about how the cost of things in recent years often increases more than your income does.
 
If you tell them about money and material things, they will almost certainly convert monetary figures into THEIR currency and think you are ten times richer than you really are. Then they may have unrealistic expectations. A lot of people overseas already do. Some think all the buildings and homes here are all really big--that it's like on TV and in the movies and we all live close enough to drive to Disney World every month or so. Nobody in my wife's area could imagine paying over $250 a month for four cell phones for one family--not in a nation where tens of millions earn less than the equivalent of one USA dollar a day.
 
With my wife helping out with some of the bills, we're probably a little bit ahead of where I was before we married, after cancelling out the up front travel and UCSIS costs etc. in getting married. I think that not only financially we're a bit ahead despite most of her income going home, but that we are  overall--that even by my son's yardsticks, much better off--more happy. There's no price tag available on that. We've even been able to take more vacations than we did previously, but she's gotten the travel bug on a wider scale now, so instead of thinking NYC, Vegas, LA, and all the other places we've been, the names 'Paris' 'Rome' Tokyo' and others occasionally cross her lips--and mine too. Time will tell.
 
One thing that amazes her is how much raw, open, undeveloped land the USA has, including places where people live very isolated from one another, as well as dense subdivisions where there are many homes close together, but in both scenarios, people--neighbors hardly know one another.....

[Researcher]

I am one of theses Guy's and i thought i took it slow...I thought i knew what i was getting into, I made over 12 trips in 1 year to BAQ to spend time and visit my girl... after 3 months in the US.. i realized it would not work anymore and i sent her home... 3 months later i met a girl from BAG and now over 3 years later i am a very Happy man with a great girl from BAQ.. things are great and keep getting better... i would listen to all these guys...The number one thing i can tell you is to try and take it slow and ask a lot of questions.. try to make sure your girl in LA totally understands life in the US...Honesty from both side is number 1... I wish you the best of luck.. if it works you will be a very happy man with hopfully a very loyal women.. i know my girl has my back and is very honest and loyal..
 
 
best of luck to you...
 
 
Researcher congratulations,,,, and thank you for all your past advice...
 
Ray

Thanks Ray. I am glad you found a keeper.