Value of Marriage Pt. 2

[benjio]

Well, I've seen most of the regulars have logged in and the board is still lacking content. So here's a little tidbit that would benefit me as a wife hunter and anyone else who ends up lurking. Zon started a topic that created a lot of good conversion in terms of the advantages of marriage vs. being a life long dater. Unfortunately it eventually turned into an argument based solely on his past exploits vs. those who chose to commit and settle down. Personally I don't see more or less advantages of one viewpoint vs. the other. It's all about the man and whatever makes him happy in the end. So, I'm asking for a testimonial from the married guys on the site (whether you're married to an Asian, Latina, Russian, etc.) in terms of how their lives have been significantly improved from latching on the ol' "foreign ball and chain" vs. those lifelong expats that haven't decided to commit or are choosing not to do so for an assorted number of reasons (doesn't matter what those reasons are....just be sure to list them!!!) Don't hold back guys! Think about what you would tell your wife if she asked you why you married her in the first place. If you are turly in love with you wife you should have plenty to say in terms of why this option worked out for you...and be HONEST! I'm curious of the fact that most gringos that have gone permanent expat very seldomly settle down with one woman. Is it a better understanding of the culture and the hopelessness of finding a lifelong partner, or the fact that it's more fulfilling to sew your royal oats? Or does it still depend on the man all the time? If a man is given the option to have as many women as he wants in his lifetime, is that enough of a deterent not to take the big step?!! NO JUDGING ON THIS ONE FELLAS! Just personal experiences and open opinions please!!!!
 
My goal here is not to get routine, repetative responses. But real feelings, from real men, that have been through the fire and came out clean. I personally, look up to you guys. But I think it's worth the trouble to document why I should.

[bcc_1_2]

I think realistically there is more to life than getting/chasing tale. This site is more about chasing tale sometimes than marriage... but considering the other end of the spectrum that is probably okay. I was shocked (in the early to mid 2000s) at the culture of men going overseas for just a week or two and then getting "engaged". I thought... well that's odd... the first time I read a guy's report... but as you surf around the "international marriage" sites that concept comes up again and again. The marriage agency/mail order bride... go the Russia (then Colombia, Asia) and get engaged in a week culture... well that makes me want to vomit. I think as the internet has "grown up" people stop believing the hype... and I think less and less people think you can go to Colombia and get engaged on vacation.
On the other end of the spectrum you have your sex tourist... or people working and living in another country with the goal of boinking the local chicas. This is the oldest profession in the world... everything that can be said on this has been said... and I don't judge. As long as everyone is willing and over 18... no comment from me.
As for a long term committed relationship... it has worked out well for me. I do run the risk that my relationship may fail... we all do. But we only live once... and if you can find a passionate... and balanced latina... that is truly committed to you... then I say go for it.
Obviously if you are thinking with your big head you are going in the right direction. The main thing I can think of is to not be afraid to cut a chica loose on a trip. You should also go on all your first dates and be open to more first dates. Don't stop in the middle... see them all out.
I mean my decision wasn't hard at all. If you aren't 100% sure from the get go... cut her loose.
Another big thing I think is the reasonable expectations my wife has.  She was born in small town Honduras... she ended up with a gringo around her age... educated... good job... non-violent... does stuff with her... we both make an effort to get along... we don't let little arguments get in the way... just her appreciating basic stuff goes along way... rather than the gringa... more more more... BBD... bigger better deal attitude.
Everything is not what it seems. I love reading how it is normal for some girls.... not to show up to meetings, dates, arranged agency dates, etc. I think that is utter BS. I met a few agency girls and girls online as well as running into them and asking them out right there... I didn't deal with no-shows. I think if you are dealing with no shows something is up. It could be a suspect agency... but if girls you are hitting up online aren't meeting up with you... I think that needs to be evaluated... rather than written off as a cultural thing. 
Maybe you aren't doing enough legwork to weed them out.... maybe you are just hitting up the pretty face when nothing else is a match. Maybe you push just how young and hot you can go... but my advice... no teens... if you are 50... I say what is wrong with a beatiful chica in her late 20s or early 30s.

[mambocowboy]

Well, I've seen most of the regulars have logged in and the board is still lacking content. So here's a little tidbit that would benefit me as a wife hunter and anyone else who ends up lurking. Zon started a topic that created a lot of good conversion in terms of the advantages of marriage vs. being a life long dater. Unfortunately it eventually turned into an argument based solely on his past exploits vs. those who chose to commit and settle down. Personally I don't see more or less advantages of one viewpoint vs. the other. It's all about the man and whatever makes him happy in the end. So, I'm asking for a testimonial from the married guys on the site (whether you're married to an Asian, Latina, Russian, etc.) in terms of how their lives have been significantly improved from latching on the ol' "foreign ball and chain" vs. those lifelong expats that haven't decided to commit or are choosing not to do so for an assorted number of reasons (doesn't matter what those reasons are....just be sure to list them!!!) Don't hold back guys! Think about what you would tell your wife if she asked you why you married her in the first place. If you are turly in love with you wife you should have plenty to say in terms of why this option worked out for you...and be HONEST! I'm curious of the fact that most gringos that have gone permanent expat very seldomly settle down with one woman. Is it a better understanding of the culture and the hopelessness of finding a lifelong partner, or the fact that it's more fulfilling to sew your royal oats? Or does it still depend on the man all the time? If a man is given the option to have as many women as he wants in his lifetime, is that enough of a deterent not to take the big step?!! NO JUDGING ON THIS ONE FELLAS! Just personal experiences and open opinions please!!!!
 
My goal here is not to get routine, repetative responses. But real feelings, from real men, that have been through the fire and came out clean. I personally, look up to you guys. But I think it's worth the trouble to document why I should.

this is my first marriage, so I don't have a marriage to another marriage to compare it to. However, marriage to my wife has taken me from being a 40 year old staring at a childless future, to a 42 year old awaiting my first child. Going to Colombia allowed me to choose a young professional woman from a good family with very little emotional baggage and a great attitude. She never holds a grudge and is very resilient. She's flawed as we all are, but it makes it easier to make a marriage work with someone who values the relationship and her future with me...

[Calipro]

I think realistically there is more to life than getting/chasing tale. This site is more about chasing tale sometimes than marriage... but considering the other end of the spectrum that is probably okay. I was shocked (in the early to mid 2000s) at the culture of men going overseas for just a week or two and then getting "engaged". I thought... well that's odd... the first time I read a guy's report... but as you surf around the "international marriage" sites that concept comes up again and again. The marriage agency/mail order bride... go the Russia (then Colombia, Asia) and get engaged in a week culture... well that makes me want to vomit. I think as the internet has "grown up" people stop believing the hype... and I think less and less people think you can go to Colombia and get engaged on vacation.
On the other end of the spectrum you have your sex tourist... or people working and living in another country with the goal of boinking the local chicas. This is the oldest profession in the world... everything that can be said on this has been said... and I don't judge. As long as everyone is willing and over 18... no comment from me.

Personally I think there is too much time spent on trying to "pigeon hole" guys based on their initial intentions with women.....plenty of "wife hunters" will never get married....and eventually most players will at some point.

I think the more natural selection process for a mate is to bang as many women as you can that strike your fancy until you find one that actually makes you start thinking about marriage as opposed to trying to figure out if a chick will be a good wife starting on the first date. jajaja

Any talk of "sex tourists" and Pay for Play is a classic "Red Herring" as far as I'm concerned. Has absolutely nothing to do with living and dating in Colombia or looking for a wife. And very, very few guys think of it as a substitute for a real relationship.

[bcc_1_2]

Any talk of "sex tourists" and Pay for Play is a classic "Red Herring" as far as I'm concerned. Has absolutely nothing to do with living and dating in Colombia or looking for a wife. And very, very few guys think of it as a substitute for a real relationship.

A couple things... to be fair I think medellin may well be overtaking San Jose for the sex tourist capital of Latin America. That being said I just use the "sex tourism" label because it is common... I'm not trying to put anyone down. Your liberal (well feminist) female would probably even call me a sex tourist... just because I've traveled outside the USA and had sex. Well I'm a tourist (traveler) and I did have sex... so there you have it. Fine by me.
And this is not my attempt to knock guys partying with the chicas. Not at all. There are plenty of gringas doing the whine and dine. That is something I really noticed when the economy took a hit. It made it plenty easy for a guy with a decent career going to get dates. A nice dinner out isn't cheap... and gringas tend to like that... and there are a bunch of gringas with college loans and such that can't just go out and do that whenever.

[V_Man]

So, I'm asking for a testimonial from the married guys on the site (whether you're married to an Asian, Latina, Russian, etc.) in terms of how their lives have been significantly improved from latching on the ol' "foreign ball and chain"

Here are a few little things that come to mind: 

The future. (I have a purpose and a path)

I have a future with a very special person who is working towards the same life goals that I am - because they are our goals.
This puts a different perspective on everything.

She needs me. (I am needed)

She needs my love, support and affection. She is quick to tell me so as well.

Devotion (I belong)

We connect on many levels, deeply. We rely on each other. We trust each other. We lean on each other. We admire and respect each other.

Giving (I can give fearlessly)

We direct a very large part of ourselves for the benefit of the other person.
What do I get from this, you ask. When you give to someone like this, you get more in return. It is a key to happiness.

 Learn, live and share. (Living to the fullest)

We can achieve so much more together. The life experiences are so much richer and deeper and amazing. A shared cross cultural adventure of a life. It's just so much more fullfilling.

Patience, humility, fear, risk, sadness, frustration. (Growing)

You could think of this as a test or a drawback. Or you could think of these as opportunities. Sometimes I think I learn new things about myself every month. She loves me for it.

Compassion (Happiness)

She allows me to give her compassion. Lots of it. She also has a ton for me. This is a fundamental keystone of happiness. Which we therefore get to share.

[pchip]

Here are a few little things that come to mind: 

The future. (I have a purpose and a path)

I have a future with a very special person who is working towards the same life goals that I am - because they are our goals.
This puts a different perspective on everything.

She needs me. (I am needed)

She needs my love, support and affection. She is quick to tell me so as well.

Devotion (I belong)

We connect on many levels, deeply. We rely on each other. We trust each other. We lean on each other. We admire and respect each other.

Giving (I can give fearlessly)

We direct a very large part of ourselves for the benefit of the other person.
What do I get from this, you ask. When you give to someone like this, you get more in return. It is a key to happiness.

 Learn, live and share. (Living to the fullest)

We can achieve so much more together. The life experiences are so much richer and deeper and amazing. A shared cross cultural adventure of a life. It's just so much more fullfilling.

Patience, humility, fear, risk, sadness, frustration. (Growing)

You could think of this as a test or a drawback. Or you could think of these as opportunities. Sometimes I think I learn new things about myself every month. She loves me for it.

Compassion (Happiness)

She allows me to give her compassion. Lots of it. She also has a ton for me. This is a fundamental keystone of happiness. Which we therefore get to share.

AMEN!!!!!


This sums it up perfectly!!!!


+1

[robert angel]

Here are a few little things that come to mind: 

The future. (I have a purpose and a path)

I have a future with a very special person who is working towards the same life goals that I am - because they are our goals.
This puts a different perspective on everything.

She needs me. (I am needed)

She needs my love, support and affection. She is quick to tell me so as well.

Devotion (I belong)

We connect on many levels, deeply. We rely on each other. We trust each other. We lean on each other. We admire and respect each other.

Giving (I can give fearlessly)

We direct a very large part of ourselves for the benefit of the other person.
What do I get from this, you ask. When you give to someone like this, you get more in return. It is a key to happiness.

 Learn, live and share. (Living to the fullest)

We can achieve so much more together. The life experiences are so much richer and deeper and amazing. A shared cross cultural adventure of a life. It's just so much more fullfilling.

Patience, humility, fear, risk, sadness, frustration. (Growing)

You could think of this as a test or a drawback. Or you could think of these as opportunities. Sometimes I think I learn new things about myself every month. She loves me for it.

Compassion (Happiness)

She allows me to give her compassion. Lots of it. She also has a ton for me. This is a fundamental keystone of happiness. Which we therefore get to share.

Excellent list. I'd venture to guess that much of what's mentioned goes both ways, that there's give and take in both directions, as well as various pluses and minuses. It's great to feel that you're a 'team' working together for each other's benefit,  both being able to disregard other persons and situations that are negative. One thing I like is how we see so many facets of our different nations, in our respective up bringing, in our cultural and economic differences as seen through each others eyes.
 
I've learned that while we have a lot to be thankful in my country, including a lot of things that most people in my wife's country would love to have and that it seems that we all too often not only take things for granted, but we don't even realize how lucky we are to have what we do have.
 
Even things as basic as food, electricity and running water. My wife's village was devastated by a super typhoon December 3rd, 2012 --about 2000 people died and many fisherman have never been found or counted.  The biggest economic engine--namely palm trees, were all but destroyed, along with homes from sustained winds of over 160 MPH. This area was thought to be largely immune to typhoons because of it's geographical location, so it wasn't built to withstand them. Only this week was electricity and running water restored--four and a half months after the initial disaster.
 
We've been in contact daily via cell phone with her family and their attitude is better than that of most people where we live. They're able to laugh at daily life and give thanks for what they do have, instead of ruminating over things they don't have or want. If they had two beans left to their name, they'd share one, then thank God for having two. Here in the USA, I think most people would pray for a whole bag of beans after cursing their situation.
 
If it had taken half as long to restore power and water to New Orleans after hurricaine Katrina. we'd still be hearing about it.
 
We're damn lucky to have a functional infrastructure and my wife is very aware of it and thankful.
 
 
http://www.brookings.edu/blogs/up-front/posts/2013/04/16-natural-disasters-2012-impacts-fatalities-affected-population

[Bob_S]

Here are a few little things that come to mind: 
The future. (I have a purpose and a path)
She needs me. (I am needed)
Devotion (I belong)
Giving (I can give fearlessly)
Learn, live and share. (Living to the fullest)
Patience, humility, fear, risk, sadness, frustration. (Growing)
Compassion (Happiness)

Nicely put, V_Man.

I'll keep mine short and simple.
One tangible benefit of marriage for me is my life expectancy.  I am no metro-sexual with feminine homemaking skills, especially when it comes to food preparation.  Before I met my wife, I subsisted on Bachelor Chow and microwaved burritos, and occasional hot wings from the dive bar across from the office.  With my wife, the quality of my dinners has increased exponentially, both in taste and healthfulness.  As such, my life expectancy may have gone up by anywhere from 25 to 50%.

Of course there are other benefits (the overall quality of my life is better, she inspires me to be a better man rather than a man-child in hikikomori-mode, gave me a child, keeps me better organized, etc.).  That one just deserved special mention.