Greetings \o/

[kennumen]

Greetings members, fellow lurkers (although... lurker-no-more). Call me Ken, if you like.

First off, thanks to everyone for coming together and building such a wonderful community. My ISP started blocking this website 1-2 months ago (using a tethered smartphone now), looked around a bit, enough to make me realise the people here are the ones I want to talk to

While reading, please keep in mind that (particularly since this is my introduction thread) I take some liberties, stating how I understand things to be or relate to me from my point of view. If you take offense, feel free to ask me about it and I'm sure it will turn out to be a misunderstanding.
Things that may (or may not) help with reading my post in it's intended light: I'm 28, male, single, caucasian.

I've been thinking of dating overseas for quite a while, but have never taken the plunge for various reasons but basically because I haven't got my life together. My situation's changed a lot but honestly it's still evolving, but it feels like my life's been put on hold for long enough. I'm about to buy land (for a house), spend 2 years and 75% of my wage paying it off, after which I'll be re-mortgaging and building my house, probably all finished in about 4 years. Meanwhile, starting my search now seems controversial because I'm mostly expecting a 2 year courting period (as opposed to 4 years), and I can't budget two trips a year money-wise.

That said, I've requested my international ID, will get my first immunity shot next week, and plan to go to SE Asia for 2 weeks early november (excluding flights, 13 days on the ground). My first hurdle is deciding where to go. I have considered FSU (not really interested in the culture), SA (too much drama), but feel like SE asia is the place for me. With my personal preferences in mind and the fact that I would prefer to start out with English, the following places are on my shortlist:
- Japan:
  Japan is probably what got me first interested in asia for one simple reason - anime. I have watched quite a bit of it (and read some manga). Of course I understand (animated) entertainment is not a good measure for reality, but it's at least based in truth or a barometer for pop culture. It doesn't come without a few negatives - women appear more westernized, dating is a lot more difficult, and of course it's expensive. I'm not sure I could afford it on my regular "expendable income" but I certainly couldn't right now. Still, visiting Japan is on my bucket list. Also this appears to be the worst case (out of the three) for english-only.
- China (Guangzhou or perhaps Chengdu):
  Honestly China wasn't even on my radar until I read a remark about intelligence, comparing several SE Asian countries. A lot of this has no doubt to do with education rather than genetics (or what-have-you) but the end result is the same, and China was duking it out with the developed nations. Consequently most single, young women in the cities have a college education of sorts and good or perfect english. It's not that I'm a prude or anything but I'm very smart (knowing full well that intelligence does not equal wisdom) and I would like a wife that can keep up with me. That said, it would be difficult to find a province girl (which would likely be my preference) with good english and chinese women appear to be used to a matriarchal society which is of some worry to me. The phrase "dragon lady" comes to mind.
- Philippines (Visayas seem to appeal to me)
  Philippines appears to be a great catch. Wonderful scenery, great physical selection (between natives, spanish and american colonization) and old fashioned values in a big segment of the population. On the downside, there's a big dedication to the greater family (by which I mean beyond the nucleus of man, wife and children), big monetary concerns (particularly because I don't have that much to begin with) and a heightened worry about scamming of all sorts (whether it's cash or time). Oh, and ladyboys *shudder*. Nothing against ladyboys except for in a similar way rape would be a main worry about prison.

Once I figure out my choice between China and Phillipines (and preferably which region thereof) I'll go on either ChinaLoveLinks or FilipinoCupid, respectively, to find some contacts (both CupidMedia sites with reasonable rates and good reputations). Is that smart? Well there are lots of pros and cons. Although clearly I would be better off waiting 2 years to find someone (if nothing else, at least financially), it would be great to have some friends, contacts, guides. Even though it might not be the smartest thing from several perspectives to start a long-term romantic relationship at this juncture in my life, I'm open to it and that's all that counts in my book. If I find someone then great, and I'm certainly not being dishonest by going through the members on those sites. Besides, by deciding on this trip I've already shown myself unwilling to wait <and do nothing> thus by defition I am looking... (I just seriously don't know how I would afford trips twice a year).
- If China I will likely learn some basic Mandarin via pimsleur, if Philippines I will certainly get and read "Culture Shock! Philippines".

Budget wise I'm hoping for 2000 euro (or less). Covering exchange rates, I expect this to be roughly $2400 or 100k pesos in November. Including air travel to and fro which accounts for roughly half. I could actually tack on a week time-wise, but if this were possible even in-budget I'd rather save some money at this point and keep my first trip at just two weeks.

There's a lot more to say and ask but I think I'll keep the focus on what I've written so far and end my first post here. Again if you would like anything clarified feel free to ask!

[thekfc]

Hi Ken,
          Welcome to the planet.

You are taking steps in the right directions. Learn all you can about the place, people, food and culture in the countries you are interested in. Do make visit(s) to make sure that you are comfortable with the culture as the one you choose will become part of your daily life.

And in the meantime just ask away with your questions

[Ray]

  Hi Ken,
　
Speaking for the Philippines, after you purchase your plane tickets, I would budget a minimum of USD $100 per day for your expenses, including lodging, meals, local travel, etc. You may be able to fit that into your allowance for 2 weeks, but it will probably be very tight. I usually recommend $100/day plus hotel bills.
　
If you do meet someone whom you consider to be marriage material, you will likely find that she is ready to move fast, perhaps too fast for your 2-year planned courting period. When they are ready to marry, they generally don’t want to spend the best years of their lives waiting for a guy to make up his mind. Just something to consider if it does come up.
　
All those scammers you hear of are primarily on the free Internet chat sites. You just have to be very careful when starting up an on-line relationship of any kind. It’s best to travel soon after meeting on line so you can get to know each other in person. November sounds like a good plan for a first trip if you begin communicating with some ladies now.
　
Does your country have any kind of fiancée visa, or do you have to marry her over there before you can petition her for an immigrant visa?
　
Good luck!
　
Ray
　

[kennumen]

Thanks for the warm welcome, KFC. I have kept an ear open and read many a trip report (on behalf of all lurkers, thanks for writing them!), but there's only so much research can tell. On top of that, it's mostly general information not tailored to me or my specific situation. In the end, as you say, the best thing is to talk to some pinays as well as put some feet on the ground. And don't worry, questions will follow

Ray, I had actually read you say that somewhere else. There is a comfortable safety margin built into my first estimate - I can go 20% over, no problem. But that will cut into my savings which I certainly could use for something else. Time will tell whether I turn out frugal or picky. The budget also includes a two-way in-country flight. I was browsing consulate pages today and came across our country's travel guidelines for the philippines - apparently filipino airlines are forbidden from entering EU airspace (unsafe) and using those airlines (international or in-country) could well void my travel insurance. Something to keep in mind, anyway, that's why it's budgeted in, in case my destination is e.g. Cebu.

Personally 1-2 years is more the plan, knowing full well that plans and reality can be two very different things. I would consider 1 year to be a sort of minimum though. There's also the case where she may be finishing college that might tack on a year, I believe one or two members here went through that. Also, when I checked into visa applications a year (or so) ago one of the requirements was a 2 year relationship with adequate documentation. I can no longer find that on the list, more about that later.

Thanks for confirming November is a good date, beginning communications now. I wasn't sure, but figured anywhere between 6-3 months would be acceptable for SE Asia. As for the scammers on free sites, well, is there really any site where all parties are required to pay? Seems to be all useful sites offer free memberships to the women at least. Still, it's good to keep caution in mind and keep a watchful eye for those red flags. But not too much paranoia that you let life pass you by (and therein lies the rub)

I'm glad you asked about the fiancee visa, could use a fresh-up on that important info. A visa request longer than 90 days requires an application form (... duh), international passport, document of declaration of wedding plus history of the relationship, proof of adequate funds for the stay/travel, proof of travel(health) insurance, copy of my ID, proof I'm 21, medical documents proving no transmittable diseases, criminal records, proof that I can provide housing, proof of my adequate income (120% minimum wage after taxes).
Three things come to mind: Apparently she doesn't even need to be 18 - it's my personal minimum (and for maturity sake, probably a few years higher, but my range is pretty small as it is...), but I find it curious. Also, if I read it right, living with my parents would suffice adequate housing. Not ideal by any means but at least I know it's a possibility. Finally, no specifics on what substantiates "history of the relationship". Considering a year ago this was proof of a (minimum) 2 year relationship I would guess it's that or not much less. But I'll check into that more closely should it (fingers crossed) become relevant.

This brings up another plan of mine. I doubt many women would like this idea, but I would have her come over and live here for 3 months (or so), during/after which she can decide if it's a life for her. Not everyone can handle being uprooted like that. Just thinking of ways to avoid a divorce - perhaps trying too hard. An additional potential benefit could be a marriage here (with legal benefits? should the worst happen) followed by a honeymoon+party in the philippines - a short 3 months from home for the wife for that first stint. I'm probably overthinking things. Come to think of it, pinays would probably not move here unless married in the first place. Still, the way you asked that question I'm not sure anymore

I've read a few more horrorstories about chinese wives today so I'm leaning more towards the philippines right now. But I'm keeping my mind open for more replies

Thanks for the advice and interest!

[Jeff S]

Hi Ken and welcome. I've been to Belgium and have really enjoyed my visits there.


Since this endeavor is all about culture, I'd recommend you spend a little time in China, Japan and the Philippines and take it all in before you make up your mind.


The expense of Japan is way overblown, especially these days after two decades of deflation when the rest of the world marched on. Japan is now a lot cheaper than most of Europe. Most of your expense is getting there anyway, and the nominal differences in costs for decent hotels and restaurants between China, the Philippines and Japan are not really significant - to buy real estate and live there, for sure, but not as a tourist.


Your thought than Japanese women are "westernized" isn't really accurate either. They may be from an outward sense- but beneath the superficial, they're Japanese first and I doubt that'll ever change.


You can find the kind of woman you're looking for in any of those three countries - the big question is which of the cultures can you adopt for the rest of your life.


In any event, looking forward to your participation.

[utopiacowboy]

Are you familiar with all three (of course Japan but what about China and the Phils)? If you are I would be interested in hearing what you think are the similarities and differences among them.

[Ray]

 
 
Ken,
　
I was looking at the visa requirements at the Belgium Embassy, Manila Web site.
　
http://www.diplomatie.be/Manila/default.asp?id=28&mnu=28 　

It looks like you guys have several options available, including a spouse visa (Family reunion with EU citizen), fiancée visa, and a cohabitation visa. It looks like all petitions for these have to be submitted and approved in Brussels.
　
On the 18-year-old age thing…that’s a good question. The minimum age to marry in the Philippines is 18. For USA fiancée visas, the US government only requires that she be old enough to marry legally in the state where they will marry. Some states have no minimum age and some have a minimum as low as 14. However, she can not leave the Philippines until she attends a CFO emigration seminar and is approved by the CFO staff. I think that a fiancée under 18 would not be easily approved for departure, but I have no personal knowledge of such a case so far.
　
On the history of relationship, I imagine that the requirements are similar to the US fiancée visa requirements. They are mainly looking for evidence of a genuine relationship as opposed to a possible fraudulent relationship intended to obtain a visa by fraud, with no intent of a valid marriage. Evidence would include original correspondence (letters/e-mails), telephone records, travel records for you, photos of the couple together, etc…
　
You’re correct that most of the ladies would be hesitant to go over on a cohabitation visa with no marriage plans. I’m pretty sure that most of their families would disapprove also. Here in the US, we can get a fiancée visa with a requirement to marry within 90 days or she goes home. I personally don’t think 90 days is enough to really decide if she wants the new lifestyle anyway. I feel that is better to take the time to get to know each other well with as many visits as necessary to be sure if you are right for each other.
　
Ray
　
　

[Jeff S]

Are you familiar with all three (of course Japan but what about China and the Phils)? If you are I would be interested in hearing what you think are the similarities and differences among them.

Me? Yes - but least of all about those from the Philippines. I only have valid comments about Chinese and Japanese. Aside from the obvious cultural differences, Japanese in general take a longer time to warm up to you, but once they give you their loyalty and trust, you have it forever. Of course this is a generality. You're talking about 1/4th of all the world's women in those two countries, so there are every personality imaginable, from treacherous to loyal, loony to steady. Just about whatever you are looking for you can find.

[kennumen]

 

Hi Ken and welcome. I've been to Belgium and have really enjoyed my visits there.

 
Thanks for the welcome. Hope you enjoyed the fries, chocolate and beer.

I figured I wouldn't be able to make an informed decision simply based on research. Still, I only need to slightly rephrase my previous statement. Rather than decide which country I want to visit, I need to decide which to visit first. Thanks for the advice on Japan not being so expensive. I guess my opinion was either outdated or influenced by information about Tokyo. Like I said, it's on my list but due to several other factors (language barrier, difficulty - with my personality - to meet someone, ...) it will still not be my first SE Asian visit.

To be fair, 20% of the world's women reside in China, 2% reside in Japan. Your point stands that they have all sorts, but it still feels odd to make a blanket statement of the two when one so outweighs the other in quantity (forgive me, there must be a statistician hidden inside me)

Ray, thanks much for looking it up. My old link from last year was in english but was broken and I was unable to find it again in english. Given a (likely) catholic girlfriend and the values intrinsic to filipino society I figured cohabitation was automatically out the window. I guess I should be embarassed you found more about my country than I :p

That's the first I've heard of a country you need permission to leave. I guess I really do take a lot for granted, still.

I understand you should talk everything over, try to give as much insight as possible and prepare each other for the life together. Still, people can change their minds, which is what I was trying to prevent with a 'safety period' but you're right, if she can't handle it it would probably take more than 3 months for the pot to boil over. Sometimes it just takes a leap of faith

On a sidenote, I was browsing online girls on filipinocupid last night (profile's still hidden - for now) and was wondering why so many girls had pictures with skin showing, tattoos, colored hair (all good indications she may be pay4play). Then I realised it was 3 am in the Philippines. No doubt there's a correlation? Or am I misinterpreting some things? I've never really considered using 'online girls' as a filter, but perhaps it could somehow prove useful in this way?

[Jeff S]

So you know, it's easy to get around in Japan with English. All of the signs are bi-lingual and just about all Japanese read and write English - even if many don't speak it. All railway clerks, hotel clerks, most cops, most department store clerks, and the information booths you find everywhere have English speakers. If you meet someone you'd like to get to know, you can converse with a notebook and pencil, if not verbally (or of course a sped note ap for a smart phone.)


In the bigger cities in China plus most of the cities with an industrial base have bilingual signs in the airports and train stations. The nicer hotels will also have English speaking clerks. People will occasionally come up to you on the street to practice their English, and most of the younger, educated people will know a little English - but it's probably tougher than Japan - at least for me but I'm pretty comfortable in Japan.

[kennumen]

That's something I was unaware of. Big cities, certainly, but I was unaware all signs in Japan are bilingual (then again... see attachment ). You make it sound much more accessible than I was aware of. Still, irrespective of other factors (which I may be mistaken of as well), I still think I'll visit the Philippines first. Considering my shy personality I think I'll be better off that way, certainly for dating. Plus thanks to tons of anime and a few movies I already know bits and pieces of Japan, so it will be interesting to compare  (to a point). That's not to say I don't want a set of katana or to walk down akihabara, just have to start determining the order I do things in at this point and I think I'll be a kano first, a gaijin next and perhaps a gweilo later.

I also realize my budgetary conceptions are jilted, but as it stands this one trip will cost me more than I spend in a year, so I'm having some difficulty assessing and guesstimating some things. I do appreciate the help you guys have given in this regard to help shift me towards a more realistic value.

[thekfc]

(then again... see attachment ).

Know you know what to look forward to when you do make the trip to China. 

[Capstone]

- China (Guangzhou or perhaps Chengdu)

I have visited both cities and enjoyed myself in each one. Guangzhou is easier to get around in for a non-Chinese speaker and has a more cosmopolitan feel to it. Public transportation in Guangzhou is pretty easy for an English speaker to use as the subway & bus route maps are posted in both Chinese & English. You will have a hard time finding a cab driver who speaks English in either city though.

I have been to Guangzhou several times and have stayed at nice hotels (The Westin & the Jiangou Hotel) in the Tianhe business district and at the White Swan Hotel on Shamian Island - all of which had English speaking staff.  I prefer staying in Tianhe myself as there is a lot of shopping & restaurants to be had in easy walking distance plus that is where the East Railway station is located. 

I have only been to Chengdu once but enjoyed my visit a lot. I stayed at a Sheraton in the city center which also had English speaking staff and was a good value for the price. I thought that the Sichuan food that I had there was the best food I have eaten in China (I prefer spicy foods), although I was able to find a greater variety of food in Guangzhou than in Chengdu - pretty much any type of cuisine can be had in GUZ not just Cantonese.

You can have a good time in either city - what made you focus on these two cities?

 

 chinese women appear to be used to a matriarchal society which is of some worry to me. The phrase "dragon lady" comes to mind.

Not sure why you would think that China is a matriarchal society, I have never really considered it to be - it is still a male dominated society in many ways.


Good luck with whichever country that you eventually decide upon - just be sure and pick the one that you feel most comfortable with.

[Jeff S]

Well, not ALL signs are in bilingual in Japan, like many store and restaurant signs, but all directional signs, street signs, public transportation signs, things like parking lots, taxi stands, speed limits, park & museum signs, most signs in bigger department stores and so forth, are all bi-lingual. Much more so than the cities I've been in in China, which only has been a dozen or so, mostly the industrial areas around Shanghai and Beijing.

[kennumen]

 

Know you know what to look forward to when you do make the trip to China. 

Ah, well, English is my third language so you won't hear any complaints from me - but it would give me a chuckle and probably a quick snap with my phone The important part is they made an effort and you get the gist of it. Well... At least it's unlikely they're encouraging the walking (un)dead to be clean and give them their businesses.

 

You can have a good time in either city - what made you focus on these two cities?

Not sure why you would think that China is a matriarchal society, I have never really considered it to be - it is still a male dominated society in many ways.

Good luck with whichever country that you eventually decide upon - just be sure and pick the one that you feel most comfortable with.

Thanks for the summation Capstone, it pretty much confirms what I've read about both cities. I (semi-)decided to focus on Guangzhou because the southern cities are more likely to have province people with a more laid-back personality (relatively speaking). In addition, province girls on average should be more traditional - which can work for my personality and against my laowai (or gweilo) status. Despite being from the province, their being in the city makes it more likely they speak english - having possibly taken a class in college - and a likelihood to be smarter. The whole reason I got interested in China was due to some IQ charts of SE Asia where China was near or at the top. As for Chengdu, all of the reasons I just listed, minus a warm climate/beach location, plus closer vicinity to the provinces. From what I've read, Shanghai and Hong Kong are - in general - less hospitable, certainly taking into account my preferences.

I meant to say a typically matriarchal family situation, not a matriarchal society. I should also point out I don't have that much basis for that assumption, so if you tell me otherwise I'll believe you over several anonymous sources that I may even have misunderstood.

One can never have too much luck! At this point it looks pretty solid I'll visit the Philippines first. Unless I find a wife (and by that I mean the beginnings of what could lead to a wife), I'll probably visit Japan next (a year or two later, as budget allows), then perhaps China. I must say you've done a lot to make China seem more appealing to me; Thanks for expanding my mind

Well, not ALL signs are in bilingual in Japan, like many store and restaurant signs, but all directional signs, street signs, public transportation signs, things like parking lots, taxi stands, speed limits, park & museum signs, most signs in bigger department stores and so forth, are all bi-lingual. Much more so than the cities I've been in in China, which only has been a dozen or so, mostly the industrial areas around Shanghai and Beijing.

No worries Jeff, we were on the same wavelength there. Frankly I'm not worried about getting around. I might not understand the Japanese railway or metro system without help, but as for getting around there are a lot of useful gadgets these days. Like google maps on a smartphone - it'll even be available offline soon so no more worries about a local SIM or roaming charges. ... Assuming of course your phone doesn't get re-appropriated What I am mainly concerned about is having people to talk to and learn from. It can be an interesting experience to ask for directions or "what's in this meal? It's not monkey brains is it?" but by far the best time to be had in a foreign country is by conversing with the local populace. Even more so if you are looking for (or even just open to) a date.

[Jeff S]

Getting around the Tokyo subway system is a snap....

[kennumen]

Aha! You flatter me, sir, assuming I can even get past buying the ticket

[Bob_S]

Japan is probably what got me first interested in asia for one simple reason - anime. I have watched quite a bit of it (and read some manga). Of course I understand (animated) entertainment is not a good measure for reality, but it's at least based in truth or a barometer for pop culture.

I was surprised how much anime did prepare me for Japan.  So many of the simple little daily life chores and experiences were represented in anime where for the writers such things are of course common.  MY first visit to my wife's family home, while in the tatami room, I looked up and, oh, it's the same lamp as shown over the Tendo family kotatsu.  Sleeping on futons laid out on the tatami, the ofuro bath in a separate room from the toilet area, kitchens without ovens, hanging laundry on the balcony, and so on.  Having seen it all in various manifestations of anime (a lot of in from Ranma 1/2), it was somewhat surreal.

Then there's the topography.  A lot of the buildings look like they were hastily constructed from prefab modules, it really does look like a miniature set awaiting the arrival of a guy in a giant rubber lizard suit.  But my wife comes from a rural part of the country, more reminiscent of a blend of My Neighbor Totoro and Ponyo on the Cliff.

As for the availability of English, bilingual signs are everywhere in the big cities, but it decreases in a sort of sinusoidal curve the further you get away from the major metropolitan areas.  You have to get way outside the cities into the rural hills before it disappears altogether.

It doesn't come without a few negatives - women appear more westernized, dating is a lot more difficult, and of course it's expensive.

"Appear" is the operative word.  Having gone through the rise and fall of the Japanese Empire and then the rise and fall of Japan Inc., they seem to me far more flexible than contemporary American daughters of rugged pioneer women that settled our country.

Getting around the Tokyo subway system is a snap....

And that's just the subway map.  Add the above ground Japan Rail system and you got this:


And that doesn't include the private lines.  I have a map showing everything, and it is a gawd awful spaghetti mess.  But it takes you about a day of getting lost to get used to it.

Aha! You flatter me, sir, assuming I can even get past buying the ticket

Easier than you might think.  You look at the big map above the ticket vending machines, see where you are, see where you want to go, look at the number which indicates the price, enter your money into the machine, and buy a magnetic ticket for that price.  Exact change not required.  Go to the gate, slip your ticket in face down, the gate opens, walk through and take your ticket out of the slot on the other side. Hang on to it because it is your ticket to open the exit gate at your destination, though there it will keep your ticket when you finally exit.  That's assuming you don't simply buy a JR Pass to avoid even that inconvenient convenience.

Anyway, before you select a destination country, think carefully about what you really want in a life mate.  If you prefer a spouse who is into Miyazaki films, listens to Hamazaki, and knows how to make maki-sushi rolls, a Filipina girlfriend may start to wonder why you picked her.  Just because she comes cheap?  I think she'd be insulted by that.  A Filipina comes with her own entertainment preferences and food choices.  Make sure their style of music, TV, and cuisine is something you are comfortable with, because it will become part of your life forever.

[thekfc]

Bob, do Japan have something similar to HK's Octopus Card?

You can use the Octopus card for travel on the Mass transit system as well as making purchases in stores, supermarkets, fast-food restaurants, vending machines and the likes.

I got one the first time I transit through HK and have used it on my past few transit/stopover there.

[Jeff S]

Good one Bob. Never seen one with the Yokohama part included in one big map. It's also a bit surprising to look to over and realize I've been on most of those lines over the years.


Yes, I've had more issues buying tickets and getting on the wrong train on the Marta in Atlanta than I ever did in Tokyo. It's not at all difficult.


I never heard of a Hong Kong type octopus card in Japan, but they do have JR passes for tourists. It's a great deal if you want to see the country side. Shinkansen (bullet train) tickets are pretty expensive and often an unlimited ride JR pass is cheaper than a single round trip to a distant destination. I've spent two week trips riding on the shinkansen nearly every day. It applies only for tourists, but if your wife is Japanese and has a green card permanent resident status in the US, she'll qualify. It only applies to JR (the national government run) train lines, not private lines, but that covers everything of any distance at all and most of Tokyo. The short hops you may need to make on private lines to get to where JR may not go, are quite inexpensive. [size=78%]http://www.japanrailpass.net/eng/en001.html#[/size]

[Bob_S]

Bob, do Japan have something similar to HK's Octopus Card?

You can use the Octopus card for travel on the Mass transit system as well as making purchases in stores, supermarkets, fast-food restaurants, vending machines and the likes.

They do have something similar.  For the Tokyo area, they have the SUICA card, and for the Osaka area, they have the ICOCA card.  Other metropolitan areas each have their own similar system.  When I first went to Japan 10 years ago this month, the Suica card was only for the Tokyo JR lines.  But nowadays, like the Octopus card, you can use the Suica for taxis, vending machines, and some convenience stores.  In my book, Hong Kong really set a high standard for such an efficient system that other countries can only try to emulate.

[thekfc]

Sweet, good to know. 

[kennumen]

I was surprised how much anime did prepare me for Japan.  So many of the simple little daily life chores and experiences were represented in anime where for the writers such things are of course common.  MY first visit to my wife's family home, while in the tatami room, I looked up and, oh, it's the same lamp as shown over the Tendo family kotatsu.  Sleeping on futons laid out on the tatami, the ofuro bath in a separate room from the toilet area, kitchens without ovens, hanging laundry on the balcony, and so on.  Having seen it all in various manifestations of anime (a lot of in from Ranma 1/2), it was somewhat surreal.

Then there's the topography.  A lot of the buildings look like they were hastily constructed from prefab modules, it really does look like a miniature set awaiting the arrival of a guy in a giant rubber lizard suit.  But my wife comes from a rural part of the country, more reminiscent of a blend of My Neighbor Totoro and Ponyo on the Cliff.

Ah, but there's a key bit of information I think - "rural". I doubt any city would resemble "Ranma 1/2" or "Kenichi" much. Of course I do appreciate your comment - it's interesting that quite a lot of it is based on truth. Room sizes being measured in tatami mats, houses having generally bad isolation (winter + wind = you freezing), ... Of course the misinformation goes both ways. I think I read somewhere that Japanese think all blondes are slutty because of Basic Instinct? I think that must be a gross exaggeration, but what with trains having women-only cars there's probably some truth to it. I once saw a 4 hour Japanese movie about a guy obsessed with panties. For the most part I dig the -often delightfully- way-out-there Japanese thinking but this was just... not my thing

 

"Appear" is the operative word.  Having gone through the rise and fall of the Japanese Empire and then the rise and fall of Japan Inc., they seem to me far more flexible than contemporary American daughters of rugged pioneer women that settled our country.

Phrasing it like that was no accident, I was well prepared for being wrong and am glad to be so.

As for the metro/rail system, it doesn't really worry me. The more stations, the easier I can get around. If I get lost, it's a great experience - I'll have a great story of being a baka gaijin and failure is often the best way to learn. ... Although it would probably be a lame excuse to be late to a date.

 

Anyway, before you select a destination country, think carefully about what you really want in a life mate.  If you prefer a spouse who is into Miyazaki films, listens to Hamazaki, and knows how to make maki-sushi rolls, a Filipina girlfriend may start to wonder why you picked her.  Just because she comes cheap?  I think she'd be insulted by that.  A Filipina comes with her own entertainment preferences and food choices.  Make sure their style of music, TV, and cuisine is something you are comfortable with, because it will become part of your life forever.

That has actually been on my mind lately (amongst a plethora of other things). Fact is I know a bit about Japanese culture but know very little of Filipino culture. As far as entertainment goes, they're quite into american entertainment and so am I so that should be alright - good even. As for the cuisine... It seems a general agreement that it's one of the weak spots of their culture. Unhealthy fatty foods (such as lechon) in addition to - from my point of view - disgusting choices like chicklet embryos or chicken feet... I'd be more inclined to go the cheap route of rice with some veggies, and mix in McD's or a local chain from time to time.

 My train of thought is that I should check out the Philippines to be able to compare the two somewhat and after go visit Japan for a proper comparison. Fact of the matter is that it will be a lot easier to find a potential girlfriend (and be more picky from the get-go) in the RP than in Japan. It's still debatable if it's a smart decision, it might be a quantity versus quality issue (and feel free to comment on that) but as somewhat of an introvert it may just be best for me nonetheless.

As for cheap, I think you've got that backwards. Jeff established - for a tourist - costs don't vary much. When you do find a Filipina though, she'll expect you to send a good chunk of money home each month. Perhaps I should add at this point that 20,000 euros net is a rather good wage (above average, after taxes) for a white collar job. Anything more you earn gets taxed on a tangential curve starting at roughly 66%. Being only 28 I still have to work my way up to the average. Beyond that while our taxes are paying for our elder's pensions, it's common knowledge we are expected to provide for our own pensions. I realize the grass is always greener, but unless the system underwent a huge change under Obama, healthy americans have quite a bit more disposable income.

On a related subject I've been wondering whether to look for a date at all. I've been looking at my finances, without accounting for everything it looks like I'll have 60 euros/month left over for the next two years after which I'll start building my own house. Never mind the finances for a minute (there are emergency funds) but fact is I do still live at home. It's becoming a part of the culture here in Flanders (northern half of Belgium). Land and housing has become so expensive that more and more people stay home while saving to buy a place. That said it's bound to be a red flag for most women. Even if it somehow all worked out before my house is built, she would be living with and (quite possibly) start to immitate my mother *shudder*. Hell, we're blood related and I can barely stand to live here. If a wife were able to stand the situation it would almost be a red flag The more I think about a woman's perspective the worse I look - for the time being - even to the point where I'm starting to consider postponing my trip.

I've already gotten my first shot. I've got an appointment next month for my Tyfus and second Hep A/B shots. Next week I'll once again have a valid international passport. I won't have my final budget for another two weeks but things are looking very good that I'll have an emergency fund, the trip funds and possibly even a further contingency. I'm having a week-long gaming session in July with two teens (sister's girlfriend's sister's kids) after which I would be free to contact women online (would wait until then because I don't want to more or less vanish for a week). I have two weeks of vacation all but confirmed at work and even asked the boss if he were available to take over my stand-by for that first saturday (if necessary, looks like flights leave in the afternoon though). I'm researching a lot online, even reading a book... All preparations are looking good for a go. All I need to do is make up my mind:
- Visit the Philippines, either for dating or just a vacation (can you even know whether you'd enjoy dating a Filipina without actually dating one?) - either way learning a lot about the culture and whether or not it's for me. For this I am currently looking at Cebu island or ... Negros Occidental? (the one with Dumaguete City). Doing my best to avoid the seedy cities like Angeles, Makita, ... Highlights would be visiting provinces (in an as safe way as possible) and hopefully a halfway decent beach.
- Visit Japan to learn the culture, buy some katana (ohnoes, there goes my budget), visit a temple, etc...
- Save the money, postpone the trip until my life has been sorted out more. At least until the house is livable - 3-5 years

Honestly all the preparation has taken a lot of the antsyness out of me and at this point I could take or leave it. Still the ideal situation would be to get a second job fixing computers (or some such - unfortunately quite unlikely) and go travel every 6 months :p The urge is definitely there but my rational brain is telling urging me to be smart and ignore that urge. Then again is it clever to abort an experience that could result in significant personal growth? ... And that pretty much sums up my current internal strife :p

Thanks for all the replies guys, I really appreciate it.

[thekfc]

As for the cuisine... It seems a general agreement that it's one of the weak spots of their culture. Unhealthy fatty foods (such as lechon) in addition to - from my point of view - disgusting choices like chicklet embryos or chicken feet....

It is all about eating what is available & letting nothing go to waste. You will find that in all corners of the world (assuming that it is flat).

I have to admit I ate a lot of "strange" food before I ever set foot in Asia. You can get dish with chicken feet, chicken embryos, frogs and the likes in restaurants here in NYC. It is not a Filipino thing - it is an Asian thing. 

I was too worried about the Filipino dishes (what I used to eat here in NYC was "limited") but after going there and trying the different dishes - well I found that some of the food was quite masarap.  There are some dishes that I disliked and will not eat again as well as one that I cannot bring myself to eat (balut).

Also lechon is roast pig so if pork is not your thing then skip it.

When you do find a Filipina though, she'll expect you to send a good chunk of money home each month.

That is more myth than fact. In my 2 years of marriage to a Filipina, I haven't experience it.

Doing my best to avoid the seedy cities like Angeles, Makita....

I would not say that Makati is a "seedy" city. Makati is the financial capital of The Philippines and one of the "nicer" area of Manila.

Also while in the Philippines, if time permitting, you can do a side trip to one of the other places on your list. The airfare from the PI to these places are cheap.

[utopiacowboy]

Dude, your budget is so small, you should really give serious consideration to looking closer to home like in Eastern Europe. I'm not sure that you can really afford these Asian trips.