Greetings

[Merlin]

I want to say hi to everyone and seek some general advice. I have read many past posts on here and it has been most helpful as I've been contemplating an Asian bride over the past couple of months. I'm genuinely seeking a life partner for all of the right reasons and want to be as educated and prepared for this process as possible. I'm in the preliminary stages now and I've just created a profile on a couple of foreign dating sites. I'm in my early thirties and a small business owner if it'll be of any relevance.

One of my dilemmas is narrowing my search down to a specific country. I'm more physically attracted to Japanese females but find the compatibility with Filipinos obvious with their likeliness to speak English and more easily transitioning into American life. I would be completely satisfied bringing either culture into my life and sharing it with my wife as I know many here advise choosing a country based on your acceptance and compatibility with the culture. I love Japanese culture but feel like the Fillipino culture would allow an easier transition for my potential bride if that makes any sense, (almost like one fusion of cultures is easier on me and the other one easier on her, who do I cater to) maybe I'm wrong. So I guess the question would be are there many ethnic Japanese in the Philippines? And how difficult would it be to find fluent English speaking women in Japan? I'm open to further considerations besides Japan or The Philippines but those seem to be the top contenders for now.

Also, I know many discourage using romance tours and introduction agencies in Asia as opposed to Latin America but has anyone had any successes with these companies? It just seems a little odd that this strategy can be viewed as the standard way to go in LA but almost considered blasphemous in Asia. I see that route or securing a top list of several women from online sites being my best options. Introductions from Asian family members already in the States is unlikely for me as I do not live in an area with a heavy Asian presence. Are there even any reputable tours or introduction companies in Japan or Phillipines? How about China?

Lastly, I am a vegetarian and although I would have a preference for a wife who is one as well or would maybe convert and embrace my eating habits, it's not a requirement. How difficult would it be to find a bride in the mentioned countries that is already vegetarian or someone who is more open to consider giving it a try and maybe converting? I know food can be an important part of someone's culture yet women from the east are said to follow the lead of their husband more as well, I don't know which would be stronger if they conflicted.

I come in the most humble of nature and appreciate all of the feedback, once again greetings to all.

[Tanuki]

Not trying to turn you off to Japan, I am just letting you know that your search might be a long one.  Japanese woman are not as motivated to look out side their country like Filipinas.  While steeped in tradition, Japan is a very developed country and most folks have a good life over there.  For all the times that I have been to Japan, with one stay being for three months, I never met a pure vegetarian.  I am not saying there are not any, I just never met one.  For the most part fish and rice is a major portion of the Japanese daily diet.  Didn't matter what meal.  It was not uncommon to have baked fish and rice for breakfast.  There will be some type of fish in just about everything you eat over there. 
 
When it came to my search in the Philippines, I used DIA web site for my search.  I was getting responses to my ad before my profile picture was even approved.  It was funny cause most of the responses from Filipinas were asking me why I didn't have a picture posted.  The number of Filipinas you will be talking to is mind blowing.  In fact, you have to be careful and try to avoid the "kid in the candy store mentality."
 
Whatever way you decide, I wish you the best of luck in your search and welcome to PL.
 
 

[Jeff S]

It seems to me that finding a woman motivated to leave their country is a negative, rather than a positive thing. Is she really after you or just a ticket out?


True, not too many strictly vegetarian Japanese, but most would be willing to adapt to your lifestyle even if they don't follow a strict regiment themselves.


Most Japanese will speak English... well, will be able to read English quite well - conversation is something you and she have to get used to. Of course the English that most Filipinas speak won't be what you consider fluent either. It'll take time with either to develop a real communication line.


Using online friend finders is not blasphemous or even discouraged. There are no "marriage agencies" in the Philippines, as they're illegal, but they do exist and are in strong use in Japan - not to connect Japanese with gaijin, but Japanese to Japanese matchmaking, so it's not so easy for a foreigner to get in. Not to worry though, it's incredibly easy to meet Japanese women in friend finder sites and there are plenty.


One thing to think about is that your Japanese girlfriend will have the ability, and probably the wherewithall to come visit you in your world as well as you going to hers. Your Filipina girlfriend will not. You have to do everything there, and you'll have to either marry or get engaged to her, then spend a lot of effort and spend a lot or time before she can enter the US.

[SkyNorth]

Merlin...I have noticed that ladies from the Philippines are really friendly.  I have dated a couple here in the states and they are good people to the core.  Plus I have become friends with 2 others and they seem wonderful as well.
 
My only glitch with them, I have noticed them to be a little immature in relationships.

[Capstone]

Hi Merlin and welcome to the board.


I say go with the country whose culture that you feel the most comfortable with and not worry too much about focusing on a country which you might perceive to have a better chance of finding someone who speaks English as there are literally tens of millions of women in China & Japan who speak English and are not that hard to encounter. I lived & worked in Japan for 3 years and I encountered people who were fluent in English on a daily basis. At work, I had 2 women on my team who had attended universities in the US and spoke almost perfect English.


My wife is Chinese and speaks fluent English as does many of her friends and she had no trouble what so ever to adapting to life in the US. She started driving the day after she arrived here (because she owned a car and drove in China), she was already familiar with many American customs and she was already familiar with most western foods and merchandise brands since you can find many of the same department stores & restaurant chains in China that exist here in the US.


As far as tours or introduction agencies in China - they are pretty rare. It is just not culturally acceptable for a Chinese woman to date a lot of men and so a tour or agency that specializes in this is just not appealing to most decent women. Now meeting Chinese women online is a different story - I would definitely recommend checking out friend finder sites or better yet using the Chinese IM client QQ to meet women.

[Merlin]

Thank you for the welcomes and responses. It has been insightful.

Tanuki,

While I do want to look somewhere that the women are at least open to living abroad in the United States, I do not want it to be there primary motivating factor for being with me. As long as their isn't a shortage of available women in Japan that are willing to marry a foreigner, I wouldn’t see that as a problem. I have noticed that the majority of free sites such as DIA and POF have way more Filipinas and Chinese than Japanese. I don't know if this is simply because of population or because of aspects that you describe. I think I will abandon any notion of using vegetarianism in my search and scale how open each woman I communicate with is to it when appropriate.


Jeff,

It's reassuring that most would be willing to adapt to my lifestyle, I would want them to do it and be happy rather than miserable. I just hope it wouldn't contradict their tradition too much, I guess that's just more criteria to gauge in her personality.

Assuming because someone can read and write English well means they can speak it well does sound like a mistake. I was almost making this assumption when first browsing profiles online.  I'm thinking video chats and phone convos after a certain time frame will help on how well we communicate before an actually trip there.

It's good to know that there are plenty of available Japanese women online. Are there any free sites that have a higher concentration of Japanese, such as the presence of Filipinas on DIA? I wasn't suggesting that online dating and friend finder sites were portrayed as blasphemous in Asia but that in person romance tours and mixer styled introduction agencies almost seem so. I see that you stated these are illegal in the Philippines but how about other parts of Asia?

A Japanese girlfriend being more likely to be capable to visit here is definitely an advantage. I’m assuming the US has an easier temporary visa process with Japan maybe. What personally made you decide on focusing in Japan when you were searching? I’m aware of your eldership and appreciate your knowledge on the matter.


Skynorth,

The Philippines does seem to have a great culture and charming people. I guess there’s immaturity in many cultures and sometimes you have to gauge the potential and admire a molding in progress.


Capstone,

You make great points and have really altered the perception of my search. Focusing on a country or culture just because of the English speaking ability doesn’t seem wise. Especially when like you say, there are millions of women in Japan or China that speak English as well. Would you say that the majority of the Japanese or Chinese women on international dating sites are fluent or at least conversational in English? I think I was over thinking how difficult it may be for certain cultures to adapt here, they have the best comfort zone with me right. So they look at tours as dating multiple men in China? If so, I can understand why they would think it’s not lady like, but it seems it could be compared to an in person DIA on a certain level. I’m going to have to check out this QQ…

[Bob_S]

True, not too many strictly vegetarian Japanese, but most would be willing to adapt to your lifestyle even if they don't follow a strict regiment themselves.

True that.  From my experience in Japan, "vegetarian" simply means you don't eat mammal meat.  I was with another foreigner there once at a restaurant who ordered a vegetarian salad and was surprised it came with poki.  Hey, it's fish, not meat, so it was okay, right? 

Don't expect to convert your wife to whatever your lifestyle or belief system happens to be.  She already has to put up with a lot just to be with you, don't press your luck.  My wife has a Japanese friend here who has a white guy husband who is both vegetarian and Celiacs (wheat allergy).  Being a good wife, she of course prepares dishes for his diet, but he doesn't expect her to give up those foods to accommodate his needs and choices.  I got my own food intolerance issues my wife needs to adjust for when making dinner, and she has certain allergies as well that affects our dining choices.  Everyone's got their thing.  If you get too demanding for perfection, you may miss a perfectly good chance with a perfectly good woman.  Though expect lots of tofu in your diet.  We now buy in bulk at Costco.

One of my dilemmas is narrowing my search down to a specific country. I'm more physically attracted to Japanese females but find the compatibility with Filipinos obvious with their likeliness to speak English and more easily transitioning into American life.... I love Japanese culture but feel like the Fillipino culture would allow an easier transition for my potential bride if that makes any sense, (almost like one fusion of cultures is easier on me and the other one easier on her, who do I cater to) maybe I'm wrong.

Don't worry about which country has the most adaptable women.  Follow your heart.  Yes, Fillipinas are the most adaptable.  You could drop one off on Mars and within a day she'd have a garden and chicken pen up and running.  But if you don't like tilling gardens and tending chickens, it doesn't really matter much, does it?  If you have a stash of Studio Ghibli and Toho Studio DVDs, know yourAkira from your Akira, and know the difference between sushi and sashimi, then go with that.  I mean, think about it.  How would your future Pinay wife feel if she found out you never really had any interest in her language, didn't like her food, had no interest in her country's history or culture, you just chose her because she is easily portable.  How special will she feel?  How long before she dumps you?  In this regard, you do need to cater to what you want, because it will in the long run enable you to also better cater to her happiness since you will both be on the same page.  Besides, a Japanese woman who speaks passable English and is open to marrying a foreigner understands there will be adjustments involved in moving to her husband's homeland.  If she wasn't open to that transition, she wouldn't be putting herself out there on the international dating market, anyway.  Ya know?

[Merlin]

Bob,

Thanks for the info and it all is something to consider. I don’t want to seem too demanding of a potential wife and expect her to completely adopt my lifestyle. I know coming here alone will be a big transition for her and taking away comfort food that she associates with home during the transitional phase may be overwhelming. But being honest with myself I know that I would also greatly appreciate sharing this diet or lifestyle with my mate as well. Maybe it shouldn’t be introduced in the beginning phases, after she is more comfortable in her new surroundings, it can be eventually brought up and a trial run if she’s open to it. And if not, I am willing to accept her decision. And tofu is perfectly ok with me  .

The line about Mars and a garden and chicken pen cracked me up  . You make very good points as well. This is one of the most important decisions in my life and I shouldn’t feel like I settled. I’m still in the process of finalizing my top pick (more than likely Japan) but whichever country it is, that will be my focus.

[Jeff S]

Well, it's not all about language. My wife spoke nearly zero English when we met, though her father and sister were fluent. I had no interest at all in her sister, who I actually dated once before I met my now wife. In the early days I was far from fluent in Japanese too, and it was our default language. We had a lot of discussions, some even heated, flipping through pages of dictionaries. You can work though those issues.


Traditional Japanese women are vastly different that any other in the world IMO. You just have to experience it to understand. It's all about the team and very little about personal desires. The principle of a drop of honey catching more flies than a gallon of vinegar is a way of life with them. People often have the mistaken idea that they're submissive - no chance - they're anything but, but go about it with an inner strength and resolve you just don't find anywhere else. The one thing you'll find about Japanese is that there are no acceptable excuses. Of course some are ditzes - every country on the planet has those. Also there are some that would fit in fine in the Beverly hills or Manhattan, sex in the city crowd too. Note the first word of this paragraph though.


Japanese need no pre-arranged tourist visa to visit the US, They just arrive with a passport and they stamp it at the airport - just like you going to Japan, Europe, or Canada.


Bob's right though - it's going to be kind of difficult to for her to imagine a strict vegan, as things like dashi-no-moto used in miso soup, udon, soba, nabe, and all kinds of other dishes is a dried fish based broth. You didn't say whether your dietary choices are a health or a principle based thing. It will be hard to find fishless dishes in Japan, even if just for flavoring but avoiding meats when there is relatively easy - particularly if you stick to traditional Japanese foods.I do think you should be open about what you eat from the start though, rather than holding it back and trying to introduce it later.  That would be the last thing you'll want to do. Just don't expect her to fall in-line with your ideas easily or quickly.
 
My wife often makes different things for me and herself. She might make several vegetable dishes for both of us and grill a piece of fish for me while she makes some flavored rice for herself. I'm not much of a carb eater.


Keep in mild though, that you're dealing with a first world person who'll probably know more about the rest of the world, maybe even more about the US than you do. For sure, she'll know lots more about health and nutrition than you will - that's a major topic in Japan, on TV, in magazines, and everywhere. Japan easily has more preventive medicine than the US. The doctors there study health more seriously - they aren't just drug dispensers and surgeons. They're willing to look at all sorts of data, AMA recommended or not, things like diet, exercises, holistic methods, water quality, massage even Eastern philosophies (not religion in the way you think of it) as a whole lifestyle. Get ready for an experience you can't really imagine yet.

[Capstone]

Capstone,

You make great points and have really altered the perception of my search. Focusing on a country or culture just because of the English speaking ability doesn’t seem wise. Especially when like you say, there are millions of women in Japan or China that speak English as well. Would you say that the majority of the Japanese or Chinese women on international dating sites are fluent or at least conversational in English? I think I was over thinking how difficult it may be for certain cultures to adapt here, they have the best comfort zone with me right. So they look at tours as dating multiple men in China? If so, I can understand why they would think it’s not lady like, but it seems it could be compared to an in person DIA on a certain level. I’m going to have to check out this QQ…

I have personally never used any of the online dating sites, so I can't accurately answer your question about rather or not the majority of Japanese & Chinese women on them can speak English. However, I would say probably not - most likely many of them can but probably not the majority. With that being said, I do personally know several guys who met their Chinese wives who speak English on the World Friends Network. I know that in the past Jeff has recommended the www.japanesefriendfinder.com site to guys who were looking to meet  Japanese women and that site is a portal to the World Friends Network - you can access the database which has profiles of women from many different countries other than Japan - I know that a lot of Chinese women are in the database.


As far as tours vs online dating sites in China - I believe the big differentiation there is that the serious women with profiles on the dating sites aren't out to date or even meet in person multiple men but are rather looking to chat with perhaps several guys and then weeding those down to one guy that they would then like to meet in person. After my initial response to this thread, last night I asked my wife about online dating & tours in China. She actually didn't know what those romance tours were and had never heard of them, so I had to explain exactly what they were to her. She said that she doesn't know any women who have ever participated in one and that she thought that it would be pretty embarrassing/desperate to do so. On the other hand she said that several of her friends have met boyfriends & husbands over QQ (although non of the guys were foreign - they were all Chinese). She said that was a pretty normal/acceptable way of meeting people.