Trading Dignity for a Wife

[Woody]

I tried eHarmony a few years ago, my matches would always be extremely religious people because of my old fashioned ways I would guess... in fact just the other day BG told me that for brazilian standards I am a nun... so that is yet another contradiction in my personality, old fashioned yet not religious.

Fortunately for me, that seems to not be so much of an issue. Yeah, I am somewhat old fashioned, but religious nuts were never an issue for me(They would be an issue, but I was never in a conversation with one through eHarmony).

An important point I feel I should address as Jeff was kind enough to clarify for me about being feminine is that for me at least, being a housewife does not mean to raise the children and when they are at school just sit there and wait, for me being a housewife is taking care of the kids, our home and depending on the husband's job to have his back covered by helping him if possible and if that is not possible then just making sure he is well taken care of so he is able to do his job properly, I don't see why this things would get in the way of enjoying my own hobbies or even have a little biz on the side once there is more free time as kids get older, but for me my main focus would always be my family so I would choose something where I am my own boss and will not get in the way of spending time together or going on a family vacation for example, even if that means that I make no profit out of it and just get enough to continue supporting my own hobby if I had my choice in it.

And that, my dear, is the perfect balance...In my opinion.

And over the mexican/brazilian comment, no worries I am used to it, the funny part is that here in Mexico people tend to assume I have a degree when they meet me, I also look taller in pictures, ask Jeff! I will never forget his first words when we met "wow you are so short" I am just weird like that 

I guess you are right regarding your pictures and height perception. I imagined you to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 5'6"-5'8". Funny how life throws those little curve balls.

[braziliangirl]

Woody, are you really that younger than IV? I think you should really go for it. 

[Woody]

Woody, are you really that younger than IV? I think you should really go for it. 

Oh, Matchmaker, Matchmaker! Make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch! 

[htown]

Woody, are you really that younger than IV? I think you should really go for it. 

Lol, I was thinking the same thing.

[Hector_Lavoe]

OK, they were characters on the TV comedy Gilligan's Island, the overall plot of which was a group of people shipwrecked on a remote island with no way to escape nor contact the outside world. Ginger was an up and coming movie actress, with the looks to match, but stuck on herself and pretty much an air head. Mary Ann had "the girl next door looks", but was friendly and kind and intelligent and other desirable traits. In those days it was a custom to walk up to people and ask "Mary Ann or Ginger?"

And for some guys the answer to the question: Mary Ann or Ginger?  was I'll take Jeannie.
 
 

[fathertime]

Oh, Matchmaker, Matchmaker! Make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch! 

You and IV should at least meet each other at some point soon, if possible.  No harm in that, and you just never know. 


Fathertime! 

[braziliangirl]

I see masculinity and femininity as complements to each other.  I feel masculinity involves risk-taking, initiative, leadership, providing for and protecting the family.  Femininity enhances these.  So a masculine man should have an ideology, a set of values, and a vision for himself and his household based on that ideology.  Then he should work to acquire the resources necessary to achieve his vision and make it a reality.  A feminine woman should first look for a find a man whose ideology and vision she shares. Then show that man how she can contribute to the household and help them both achieve their shared vision.

Like Brazilfile says, I have a vision and I need a woman that resonates with my vision. That is what being masculine is about. And a woman that resonates with my vision and supports it and us, is what being feminine is about.

I could not agree more with you guys. It is a great way to put it. Femininity is much greater than being a housewife, wearing pink dresses, having long hair, walking in a certain way or other "actions". It's about attitude, and knowing why you are doing these.

It's certainly a middle ground between alienation and feminism.

[braziliangirl]

I would like to get to know both Brazilgirl and IV just because they have shown there interest in knowing and appreciating men and masculinity by their participation here. Also I  really like the way Brazilgirl writes what she thinks about her own attitudes. IV sounds like a nice decent intelligent and inquisitive woman as well. You girls ever come to Costa Rica??? jajajaja - Cuidado!

Thank you for the compliments. It's interesting how IV and I can be so different and yet be lumped in the same compliments here. I guess, in the end, we are very alike in our value systems, which is what really matters.

She is like a sister to me and it really saddens me that we live so far apart. We spent some time together a couple of months before and I've learned so much from her, some aspects of femininity included. Although I appreciate, I was not used to chivalry. I remember one day I was getting ready for a date and she told me "you have to let he take care of you". It really changed how I interact with men, even here. I plan to write a full post about it, but the problem around here, and from what I hear, in whole Latin America, is that we can't really trust men to take care of us. They will spend all their salaries drinking, not pay the house bills and sometimes even beat us. They will judge us and call us cheap if we don't offer to pay the bill on a date (note that I didn't say split). They will stood you up on Valentine's day to be with another woman when you are the official girlfriend and spent the whole week planning the date. They will not open doors. They will not make any effort to make us feel special. Just to name a few issues. (And in case you're wondering, yes, some of those things actually happened to me.)

Anyway, Costa Rica is certainly on my bucket list. I learned to dance the salsa in just one night with a girl from there. She is married to a friend of mine and one of the sweetest and more feminine women I've ever met. She is also very beautiful, so I have the best impression of ticas. Which may be wrong by the things I've read here.

[aconcepts]

“that we can't really trust men to take care of us. They will spend all their salaries drinking, not pay the house bills and sometimes even beat us. They will judge us and call us cheap if we don't offer to pay the bill on a date (note that I didn't say split). They will stood you up on Valentine's day to be with another woman when you are the official girlfriend and spent the whole week planning the date. They will not open doors. They will not make any effort to make us feel special. Just to name a few issues. (And in case you're wondering, yes, some of those things actually happened to me.)”
 
 
BG – that really sucks… The only thing I can say about that is how old are these “men” you are dating. Sounds like stuff I used to do when I was 15 (the stand up stuff and being mean to girls – because I could and foe no other reason). They sound like boys. I laugh at women now a days as I used to think, oh they are the mature ones thinking about children and family and the future… now I see them like boys there same age… they think about motorcycles and extended adolescence. Know this has been this way in the US but Costa Rica is becoming Americanized quickly as it’s such a small country, that its happening with the Ticas too.
 
I learned this from IV, and I explain it to women that when I say I am well off it’s to impress upon them that I can take care of them. Protecting and providing are essential to a male feeling like a man. This has nothing to do with muchachos (boys). They are only interested in themselves and their orgasms. To me it’s always women first (if you know what I mean).
 
This is why I guess I have had a lot of luck with women in the 22 to 32 year old category, because I may not be in love with them or want them as official girlfriends but I value them as friends and treat them with respect and warm feelings. If I like who they are I show it with a gift. I admire women. They are our polar opposites. I don’t need someone to agree with me or be just like me to admire them. I can admire their differences. But I don’t like to have to prove to a woman that I like her by being with her all the time. I hate it what a woman wants to monopolize my time. I feel that they are immature and jealus. Also I feel that they don’t trust me.
 
Why would you want to date or live with someone you don’t trust? Many do because they don’t want to be by themselves… I’d rather be by myself. When I am a lone most of the time I am not lonely.
 
I have said that I like hanging out with men more than women. That does not mean that I do not like or respect women. I have the utmost respect for dedicated mothers. However I do not respect women that have children and don’t pay attention to them. Like in the US. If you would rather have two incomes and more material things than why have children only to ignore them by paying someone to raise them.
 
I’d send you a PM Brazilian girl but I guess those too have been moderated. Also a box comes up saying I have PM but I can’t access them. I get no respect here as Las Vegas Dan says I am a misfit, “The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things.”
 
Now I see you have a CS Lewis quote.
 
One of the most helpful book I have read is CS Lewis’s The Four Loves. It a short but difficult read.
 
The essence of it is that there are four loves in life:
 
Friendship love
Gift love
Erotic love
Need love
 
Friendship love is the longest lasting and my favorite. It takes more than two hands to count the over 20 year friendships I have. As a man, I am most proud of that. Most my deep friendships are in the US as I find that here in Costa Rica friendships are very superficial. You really have to be family to be considered a friend. That is one thing that the US is superior at culturally, the existence of non-blood extended family type friendships.
 
Having a friend is like having a garden, it takes time and you are frequently cultivating it.
 
Gift love is the love of admiration. IE you admire someone’s work or character so you support it, encourage it with a gift. Someone helps needy children and you donate money to them. That is an example of gift love. A gift does not have to be material. You can pick a flower or bring a good wish or kind word or a simple act of help in any form.
 
Whenever I arrive at a gathering or someone’s house, I make sure to bring a gift.
 
My experience and the time I take to impart them here are my gifts to this forum. Regardless of your opinion of the messenger and how he portrays his message, I have imparted a lot of combined knowledge and experience here. The combination of application and knowledge equals experience. Repeated experience creates wisdom.
 
We all know what erotic love is. I used to think women were more sensible than men about this form of love. Now I am not so sure. Women have become less honorable about this. It fine for play mates to be loose but I don’t want a loose woman as a partner.
 
Need love is the most fleeting. Once the need is satisfied, the love fades. I think that is why many marriages fail: there is no perpetual need. The short-term needs are fulfilled and there is no friendship love or gift love to replace it.
 
It is essential that any form of couple partnership have admiration and friendship. The need love and erotic love waxes and wanes but when two people admire each other and enjoy each other’s companionship then they have a constant that keeps them engaged.
 
So BG – there you go. I would have written this in a PM to you, but I can’t. If you provide me with an email we can talk about these issues furthers. Its important stuff but either over the heads of most here or just uninteresting to them.
 
 [size=78%]“Anyway, Costa Rica is certainly on my bucket list. I learned to dance the salsa in just one night with a girl from there. She is married to a friend of mine and one of the sweetest and more feminine women I've ever met. She is also very beautiful, so I have the best impression of ticas. Which may be wrong by the things I've read here.”[/size]
 
I have been here a long time and not all but many young Ticas have changed dramatically. Their values are extremely materialistic. Gender roles here are blurring as well. Women want male power. They don’t understand the beauty of or how to cultivate female power. Now women look as female power (subtle) as second class power. They have been tricked by the feminist who never could master female power. That is why them became feminists or lesbians. Those who cannot master female power are jealous of the women that can remain feminine and honorable and by cherishing their man crate a tremendous amount of power.
 
This is well illustrated by the book I mentioned (which no one commented on) called the proper care and feeding of Husbands (very lame title but great book). I have a copy in Spanish in case I find someone that affects me in a more than erotic way.

[InnocentVixen]

@Jeff Haha well what can I say? I just remember regretting not wearing heels when you said that as I was walking to you to say hi, because I was not even next to you yet... first impression and all that you know?! for those that have forgotten or are not old enough in the forums to know, my height is 1.60m (short side of 5'3 or barely 5'3) and Jeff... well Jeff is tall, let's just leave it at that.


@BG, I remember when I gave you that advice and I honestly wondered if it was a cultural or a personality thing, since we are all clumped together under the "latin" tag it sounded odd to me, but after a while I realized how different our cultures are, it makes me sad to hear those things about brazilian men, chivalry is alive and well for the most part here in Mexico, it is something I am used to and very thankful for but not something I would take for granted, I've seen how men that have always been perfect gentlemen around me act as jerks with other women. Being loyal is another story, but at the very least over here the "real" girlfriend WILL be treated with some respect, the reason I say some is because men will still cheat but if they love her out of that "respect" they will be discrete about a fling here and there and she will always have priority.


Now I feel I am being too greedy with my search! I've always said men over here are not so bad and my 2 best friends are both males who are extremely smart and mature beyond their years, above average education and decent looking, any woman will be lucky to have them, they know very well that if a woman dared to break their hearts they would have to deal with me but I know them enough to know that I don't really have to worry about it and have lectured them both more than once about being faithful to their long time girlfriends, my mother asked me once why would I choose to see them as family instead of men even if they are younger being such a good catch, it all comes down to faithfulness for me I guess but can't help to admire all those other rare qualities they have and be proud of being their friend knowing that friendship is the best relationship we could ever get to have.


I'm flattered for those that made a comment of woody and I might make a good match since from what I've read he is a lot like my 2 best friends, just a bit of an improved version that makes it quite tempting... but let's not forget he is looking for someone that doesn't quite sound like me, I can easily picture if we met I would be fawning all over him and would probably become protective of him though!


@aconcepts, I am a bit ashamed to admit but I have the worst impression of ticas due to an extremely bad experience of a close relative of mine, she might have been a bad apple so I do try not to judge, but with me not being into dancing or drinking I can't imagine ever finding a reason to travel there, sounds a lot like a place for more outgoing types.


@woody, about life throwing those little curve balls, there is more where that came from, you would think someone that is honest to a fault wouldn't have to deal with that but most things I really don't have control over, I like to think that I will meet an understanding man someday that will be intrigued by it, accepts it as a part of me and a step towards getting to know each other better.

[Brazilophile]

I plan to write a full post about it, but the problem around here, and from what I hear, in whole Latin America, is that we can't really trust men to take care of us. They will spend all their salaries drinking, not pay the house bills and sometimes even beat us. They will judge us and call us cheap if we don't offer to pay the bill on a date (note that I didn't say split). They will stood you up on Valentine's day to be with another woman when you are the official girlfriend and spent the whole week planning the date. They will not open doors. They will not make any effort to make us feel special. Just to name a few issues. (And in case you're wondering, yes, some of those things actually happened to me.)

I am sorry that you are meeting this type of man and suffering their bad treatment.  I had many Puerto Rican and Dominican friends when I lived in New York City.  Almost all of them were VERY chivalrous and protective  of women.  The father of a close friend of mine was like you describe.  My friend said that he cheated on his mother frequently and had several children with some of his mistresses.  One died and his mother took in her children to raise. 

I have not yet run into Brazilian men like that, because I am not hanging out with lots of Brazilian men.  The most frequent complaint I heard from Brazilian women about Brazilian men, and from other Latinas about Latin men in general, was about jealousy and possessiveness.  They told me that when a Latina starts a relationship with a Latino, he starts to micro-manage her life.  He wants to know where she goes, with whom, who she talks to, why she has to go anywhere without him, and so on.  When she pushes back to get more space, he gets angry and stops being chivalrous, some start hitting.

That said, I did see many instances of men not taking care of their families.  Most of this I saw before the Brazilian economy picked up steam.  Men drank and had fun AND HAD A JOB.  But if a man lost his job, he didn't STOP drinking and having fun in order to keep the money for the household. 

Clearly not ALL Latin men are like that.  IV and BG, what tactics do you use to learn whether a man is responsible or irresponsible?  You surely want to find that out before you get too involved with him, right?

[InnocentVixen]

Brazilophile, I wouldn't call it a tactic but more of just being a good listener and using some common sense, irresponsible men rat themselves out pretty fast usually, to me here are some signs that makes me think of a man as irresponsible:

• Has a child he doesn't stay in touch with.
• Has more than one child born outside marriage and they are from different women.
• Doesn't hesitate to put blame on everyone except himself.
• Lives above his means (flashy car, latest gadget to play with but struggling to pay his bills, doesn't hesitate to use credit card, debts)
• Doesn't do what he said he was going to do, indecisive, makes excuses, complains a lot, negative outlook or plain lazy.
• He disappears without notice even though you had agreed to talk on the phone or video chat, specially on weekends, see point above.
• Gives vague answers about his job but has plenty of free time (understandable he might not want to share info right away but if this drags on see point below)
• He doesn't have a job.
• Has a roommate/s
• He doesn't consider pot a drug.

[V_Man]

Your question was "what do you guys think makes a good wife?"
The problem is that you will get a different answer from every bloke.

My novia is a Colombiana, she has her own business and we have had many discussions about her developing professionally and us both sharing the care of any children. I don't want a stay at home wife and she doesn't want to be one. She is intelligent and I never looked for someone that wasn't.
None of that seems to fit with what you are describing.
Maybe I'm just very different to most guys in this process. I don't know.

I have learnt what is important in long term relationships. Perhaps many guys out there simply haven't.

[aconcepts]

Another gorgeous day in Costa Rica. I mean spectacular puffy white clouds hanging off the peaks of the national park backed by spring blue skies and light Carribian winds. Dogs are out playing on the grass and guarding the finca from the many swallows that dart between the houses.


Hi V! perhaps what you have learned is what is important to you. And that is a good thing but you contradict yourself by first saying we are all different. Just a note. You and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum as i do not want anything that resembles a bossy business woman flinging orders and running the shop.


Now here in CR I have worked with very feminine attorneys that command the room with power and never speak like a man. Even when they are the opposition, I still respect their femininity and open doors for them and speak softer with them out of respect for their politeness and the manner way in which they address men.. There is no more charming women in the world than a very lady like Tica. Scary charming... very powerful.



Brazilofile,


How you describe Brazilian men is how I find Tica women! jajaja. Why do many Mexicanas that I have met in S California and Ticas and Cubanas feel that jealousy is a form of affection/love. I never understood that. Same with men too, but to a much lesser extent in Cuba for sure and in CR as well. Not sure about Mexicans. The huge difference between Ticos and Cubans compared to Americans is the level of brotherhood here and how they remain unaffected by their girlfriends. Whereas US men shame me by the way they worship women. Pathetic. I really try to distance myself from them.


Now the expats that have adopted the social mores here are fun, at least the single ones. The married ones are supper henpecked and on a tight leash. They remind me of well trained seals. I stand on my hind legs and profess to be no ones lap dog and that goes over like a lead balloon around them and their wives. Its great to get a rise out of them though.


I wish all the people that come down here not to assimilate but rather to replicate their US lifestyle here but for less money would leave. The Ticos merely tolerate them at best and hate working for them because the wives speak down to them (as most US women do to men in general) and tell them what to do in what they (and I) view as masculine ways.


IV


I would really like some feedback from you regarding some of the meaty parts of my posts rather than on Ticas in general. You sound very intelligent and grounded. Do you have some comment either affirming or negating some of my observations.


BTW there is nothing wrong with your height. I like petite women as long as the height matches the weight... I grew up around many Mexicans and my first girlfriend was Mexican and her parents disliked me because I was not BTW... jajajaja.


They broke us up actually. She found me on facebook recently and apologized for her parents.... She was the prettiest girl in school and very affectionate. I was very proud that she chose me when she had her pick... Ah puppy love... Those were great days indeed.

[V_Man]

Hi V! perhaps what you have learned is what is important to you.

Absolutely!!!!!!!!

And that is a good thing but you contradict yourself by first saying we are all different.

Why is that a contradiction?

Let me be slightly more specific. An example of something that is important is the values she and I have and the determination to act on those values.
So she may or may not have a shiny career but I am looking at her values and to what extent her actions are inline with those values.

As you have pointed out, some latin women are quite capable of having a career and yet not be feminazis in their personal interactions.

 

Just a note. You and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum as i do not want anything that resembles a bossy business woman flinging orders and running the shop.

Of course neither do I but I understand your exagerated point.

You strike me as being very clear about what you want, why you want it and what is going to work for you. Of course the specifics are going to be different for every couple. I openly wonder how many other guys have really thought this out and apply it consistantly in their search. Perhaps that partly explains what IV has experienced.

[InnocentVixen]

You strike me as being very clear about what you want, why you want it and what is going to work for you. Of course the specifics are going to be different for every couple. I openly wonder how many other guys have really thought this out and apply it consistantly in their search. Perhaps that partly explains what IV has experienced.

V let me tell you that it is hard to find a man that has a good idea of what he wants let alone such a solid picture in his mind as aconcept does, it comes at a high risk of not ever finding it, but he has made it clear that he is not scared of that thought. Maybe that is something that comes with age, the essence of what I am looking for has not changed, I started somewhat flexible and now I am even more so but my patience has diminished considerably, strangely enough I am not in a rush but don't feel like putting up with nonsense anymore either, I know if I really wanted to I could settle for some random guy and be married in just a few months... as bad as this may sound, the idea of it is comforting enough for me to give myself the luxury to take breaks on my search or only talk to one guy at the time, if I do end up alone it will be by choice, I can imagine worse things happening.


@aconcepts: I just realized I don't respond to your posts as often as I am inclined to, the reason for that and it's not that I am ignoring you, it is mostly that by the time I reach the end of your post it just doesn't sound like you need or want the feedback, but since you asked directly I will take the chance to tell you that I enjoy reading your posts and agree with plenty if not most of what you say even if you do tick me off a little on occasion by your attitude being so close to what I dislike in mexican men yet funny enough, I also see in you many traits I appreciate in men of my own country, that I don't want to marry one of them doesn't mean I don't value their good points and respect them.


About that book you commented on my thought was "I wish more men had a manual included!" and if you sounded anything like the type of guy I was looking for I would buy it immediately in hopes of finding out if I am the kind of woman they would be interested in, this assumption will not sound exactly modest on my part, but from what I see in your personality I wouldn't be surprised if my family already did the brainwash job without the book, that could be the problem for all I know, to have been raised to marry certain kind of guy while I am being stubborn chasing the idea of a man that might not even be interested in me that way if I do manage to find him.


I am glad you are not able to PM because I really liked your post about the different kinds of love you wrote to BG, I have read about it before, I don't remember if it was here in the forums or somewhere else online, sounds like a good read.

[V_Man]

About that book you commented on my thought was "I wish more men had a manual included!" and if you sounded anything like the type of guy I was looking for I would buy it immediately in hopes of finding out if I am the kind of woman they would be interested in, ......

What should the manual include?
What is the list of things you need to know?

[fathertime]

I have learnt what is important in long term relationships. Perhaps many guys out there simply haven't.

well vman, In my opinion, it is all theory until you give it all a go full time with a lady.  i've seen a few international theorists wind up screwing it up royally, so it is never safe to think we have anything really figured out!   


 it does appear you are picking based on certain standards about her character and that sounds reasonable. 


enjoy, 


Fathertime! 

[Brazilophile]

V let me tell you that it is hard to find a man that has a good idea of what he wants let alone such a solid picture in his mind as aconcept does, ... .

IV,

Is it hard to find this man in Mexico, the US, or anywhere?  You seem to be finding some scatter brained men.  Do these men avoid talking about their ambitions, values, goals, what they want out of life?  Do they prefer only superficial conversation?  If a person is mainly interested in casual relationships then superficial conversation is the way to go.  But if a person is interested in a long-term serious relationship, then at least some deep conversations about the things aconcepts mentions is essential.

It can be difficult.  I have had a few deep conversations with some women.  Most want to keep things superficial, at least with me.  A Colombiana told me that such conversations made her nervous and she believed that a man and woman should get to know each little by little over time.  That was a deal breaker for me.  It smacked of "You commit to me first, then I will let you see my true self!"  The only people who follow that tenet are those who are afraid they will be rejected if they let others see their true selves.

[aconcepts]

Oh thanks IV... I thought you were ignoring me. But many people do not respond to me as i can be intimidating. yes I know and that is something that is part of the package. Like BPH says you gotta come clean quick. That is how it for me anyways. Many Latinas think its me being a gringo, you know not asking in a round about way, being direct. Its a couple of things really. First I was not raised that way. However, I enjoy it. I also have attorneys that work for and with me and they have learned and progressed by my system of direct answer and direct reply. As you know attorneys love to be indirect. Not if they want to share in my client base. Yes I am a sure footed man that knows what he wants. I however am no rico suave. I just don't aspire to be a sweet talker to get what i want. At this point in my life my personal honesty is important. I don't want something if I have to lie or cheat or act outside my self definition to get it. You can be a player and be an honest player. Now that is not the norm here. The Tico players I know have little if any personal honesty. My system is to tell a woman what i want after we have some chemistry and go from there. What happens is you lose more opportunities but when you click then everyone get what they expect and sucessful experiences are likely to repat. Its really a business model. Telling women whatthey want to hear in the exact way they want to hear it is a strong point of Ticos with women. Their results are absolutely amazing. It seems many Ticas would rather here charming lies than the not so dreamy truth...


Regarding the book: Look don't think my personality has anything to do with the value of that book. Its a gift to any woman who reads it as you will understand what almost what I believe to be that every man wants these things. They are elemental but have somehow become lost... Overlooked. Really you should read. if you are a radical man demeaning feminist you will think the author is the anti-christ!


Regarding my personality.. well I am no easy guy to get a long with. If you want me to share the wheel with you than you better be a very good driver. many women are intimidated by that so they look for someone that does not drive quite as well... if you know what I mean...


But I am super loyal and very protective and a great and generous provider. I like to tease and praise a lot and love to be adored, but that is a typical Leo. Its not easy being me because I expect a lot from myself and i am also a fire sign and Italian... so, well just imagine!


Being me is like looking for a Colombiana. Its not for beginners.


And you are dead right about what i want. Now I am not so inflexible that when those eyes look at me that I cannot not be persuaded. Still a fool in love, No one outgrows or outsmarts that. And my physical requirements for a mate are not high as long as the weight to height ratio is in balance. Really after that if she has a peculiar beauty or a traditional girl next door look then its all about how sweet she is when I see her interact and if she is kind to other and generous with her time. I am looking to be with a Madonna long term but I enjoy the hell out of an amazon that can tell good stories and be the life of the party. If a loyal and loving one came along I know how to make that work too as most of the women I have been with in serial monogamy have been amazon, lookers, players, some high powered and several entertainers / models / musicians / and writers..


I lived on the west coast and worked in different aspects of the entertainment business and have written several books. So I have been around actors and writers and industry people. Strong personality types. I worked with Bill Cosby for several months. He respected my work and we loved to hate each other in a loving but manly way. jajaja. Imagine matching wits with Bill. But I did and of course he would ream me when he had the opportunity. But he was a great sport about it and all though I was one of the few whites around him, when it came to me doing what i did, he listened and respected me as a professional and expressed to me in writing how much my work meant to him. A real down to earth guy that could play the high ground real quick if he needed it. Yes Bill pulled rank quite well... jajajaja. But never crossed the line of professional respect.


BPH - I love the way you think. We would probably prowl well together. Keep up the intelligent posts. I look forward to reading them.

BG where you been?

[Jeff S]

@IV: I remember now why I thought you were taller - it's because of the photo you sent to me of you and your classmate from the English teaching class - in front of the drums. She barely came up to your chin. She must have been teeny...


Way too often these days, men aren't the product of strong women so much as they are the creators of them. If you put your juevos in a jar by the door, it''s women who have to step up to the plate. There are very, very few (heterosexual) women anywhere in the world who melt in the presence of a strong, confident man - not some bossy machismo jerk, but someone who takes control and makes them part of the package deal. There are a lot of self centered, small minded men out there claiming that women walk all over them... Gee - I wonder why?


You may think it's some modern gay platitude @aconcepts, but a strong bonded couple can equal more than the sum of the parts, and not involve the the subjugation of either the man or the woman.

[aconcepts]

I think you are trying to say that whimps are not the product of strong women but rather the creators of them. Which came first the chicken or the egg. The wimpy man or the masculine woman.
 
Men create strong women because they are wimpy. I think women mistakenly want them wimpy. Look at how the media portrays women. How they portray men. Look at news casters. The men are women in men’s clothing. They are exactly the same except they wear a tie.
 
Now I am speaking in generalities of course but women would rather emasculate a man and lead than find a male leader and support him.
 
I don’t get the point about women melting? Is there a typo?
 
I agree that there is a lack of masculinity. Why? I have dealt first hand with these issues when teaching kung fu – to men only by the way.  Trying to teach men how to get in touch with their wildness and masculinity is like trying to get a German to talk about WWII. They feel it unnatural or instinctively move away. I really feel that men have been beaten down psychologically to the point where most feel that it’s easier to be mediocre at masculinity. Hey masculinity like femininity is an art. You have to develop it. It’s not just what you wear. Its how the yin compliments the yang, and the yang the yin.
 
And yes I agree about the strong couple thing 100% and wonder why you think I would not. Please answer this...
 
When yin and yang support eachother they transcend polar opposite. They become more than their parts. They become united. There is tremendous strength in unity.
 
How are they to unite when the yang energy is waning?
 
Anyone that has found an adoring wife or a dedicated husband has my respect. Now, if you settle for mediocraty because you don’t want to be lonely I feel you are better off getting a dog or cat. Notice pet ownership has gone through the roof. More people are living by themselves. This may not be a bad thing.
 
I don’t know why men are so docile. I am starting to think there is a physiological reason. I read where the amount of birth control pills being flushed has added a lot of estrogen to the water supply. Maybe. More likely it’s the reduced participation of men as fathers and the acceptance and promotion by feminist that father are not important and men are dispensible.

[Brazilophile]

I don’t know why men are so docile. I am starting to think there is a physiological reason. I read where the amount of birth control pills being flushed has added a lot of estrogen to the water supply. Maybe. More likely it’s the reduced participation of men as fathers and the acceptance and promotion by feminist that father are not important and men are dispensible.

 Thank you for liking my posts.  I hope I don't disappoint with this one.
 
 I have also read about estrogen in the water, though with regards to girls, not boys.  Apparently women who are on the pill excrete estrogen in their urine.  Cities that are 'downriver' from other cities draw water and purify it, but the purification method doesn't remove the estrogen.  Children grow up drinking estrogen laced water and that causes girls to start puberty earlier than in the pre-pill era.  Critics have said that the earlier puberty for girls can also be due to growth hormones in our food (chicken and beef) that is not rendered inert by the food preparation process.  I haven't read anything about how this may affect boy's puberty.
 
 My more substantive comment is to add my $0.02 about why men are so docile in the US.  It is the laws and especially Family Court.  Many laws that were designed to protect women from discrimination and violence are now used by women to brow beat men and it has been sop successful that men are now VERY intimidated.  In the workplace, employer sometimes pay "pre-emptory settlements" to women they need to fire in order to ward off a lawsuit.  (These would be employers much smaller than Walmart.)  Others wait for a lawsuit to be threatened before they pay off women they are firing.   The courts have sided so frequently with women plaintiffs and feminist lawyers have become so astute that even if the employer wins a lawsuit they lose because of the distraction, legal fees, negative publicity, and loss of good reputation.  This should change as more women rise to executive positions and are doing the firing.
 
 In the home, the police in most states are bound by laws to remove (almost always) the man from the home when there is a domestic violence complaint, regardless of who is the plaintiff.  Violence against men has become acceptable in the US.  Men die from gun shots at horrendous rates, by far the highest in the world, yet there is a HUGE resistance to limiting handguns in this country.  Many movies and TV shows glorify female violence towards men.  The Jerry Springer Show is the worst offender in that regard, but there are many other shows that have lower levels of it.  Those would mostly be action shows which have women super heroes beating up male 'bad guys'.  If a US man feels he doesn't have other options, he will have to cower to American women who grow up seeing and learning that violence towards a man is an appropriate way to deal with him and has no negative consequences. 
 
 Lastly, if a man has children with a woman in the US, then it is basically all over.  There is far too much to put into a post.  There are men's help groups that address child custody and Family Court issues.  Though I have heard that things have improved in recent years, certainly up to 2000 the standard was that a man had to prove that the mother was unfit for him to get primary custody.  The presumption was that the children were better off with the mother.  Men had to spend thousands of dollars documenting a mother's substance abuse, neglect of the children, endangerment of the children, and take her to court to get custody of the children.  If a man wants to be a (good) father in the US, he is at the mercy of the mother. 
 
 Ironically, men who don't care about fatherhood, custody battles, paying child support, or visitation rights, seem to be having a lot of children.  Why so many women choose to have children with such men is WAY beyond me.  It is as if these women don't care about the type of father a man may make before getting pregnant by him.  It may be exactly as you say.  Women don't believe that fathers are important so any man will do.  They rotate men in and out of their own and their children's lives based on who is the best one for right now.
 

[Jeff S]

I think what I was trying to say didn't come across right. I didn't mean to say that men create masculine women. What I was trying to point out is that just about all women welcome the opportunity to be feminine and will be with a masculine man. What's changed in modern times is that women are OK about assuming the masculine role if the man won't. I don't think they necessarily would have 50 years ago. If the yang weakens so must the yin, but if the yang is strong, the yin will be as well, otherwise it won't last.

[aconcepts]

Exactly the point. The Hollywood whore media and the radical feminist have infiltrated the American psyche so deeply that yang is in decline and therefore so is yin.
 
Like I and Zon have written, women are making men so dispensable by treating them with disrespect and disdain that they are in turn making themselves miserable and yin also in decline.
 
J - Its unity like you said and I concurred that makes us transcend yin and yang, become stronger then the two separated.
 
Men are bewildered about their place in the home. Like I said in another post: yes the queen and her subtle power is strongest however she is lost and so is the game without the king. Yes it works to an extent but it’s unnatural. Lesbian couples, gay couples, single mothers here in Costa Rica it’s an epidemic.
 
Fatherless children are now called “Natural children.” Can you believe it? What the hell is natural about a fatherless child? They want the financial support which is called pension here and some just want a child with no regard for the father seeing the child or the child knowing his biological dad…. It gets back to women with poor moral values. Like BPH says: These women have the power to give birth and they choose so poorly.
 
Why, cause they choose with the little head. I mean the little little head. To many its not about what a man brings to the tables, it’s about perfection. What he does not bring to the table.
 
So if a man is a great supporter and a dedicated father but has masculine traits like wanting to be the head of the family and respected or has affairs or whatever else are his faults they don’t qualify.
 
Yet all the alpha liars have children with several different women. So I don’t know what to say. I can’t tell what is going on with them except maybe they had no father in their lives.
 
Fathers raise children by building their character; Mothers raise children by providing emotional security. You need both. I think women no longer respect a mans role in child rearing. Many men may not recognize it as well. Its not all one way. Also many women discount the importance of being there for their children and husbands,,, I have said that many times but the tide increases and like BG says women are blasted. Women think that staying at home is being subservient and trapped because of earning power. Look I am not saying don’t be educated. You can be there for your children and become educated. It may take longer but so what. Look what you get for the wait, emotionally healthy children and a chance to have a strong family. Probably the greatest things in life. I just saw ted Turner on Piers Morgan and he said his most important personal accomplishment is seeing that his five children turned out well.
 
This is a man that has done more experience wise than probally any other person. CNN, won a world cup, dated the most beautiful women in the world, lost, made and gave away Billions of dollars.
 
What was most important to him? His children,,,,
 
Hmmmm,,,
 
What makes mothers great and fathers great: Self-sacrifice. Women are the gender that is best suited to nurturing, watering and weeding the family. Men are best suited to protecting and hunting the finances.
 
So why reinvent the wheel?
 
Feminist have sold and many women have bought a load of crap thinking that they need to be equal in MASCULINE power. Now they want to men to achieve the same level of feminine power as they have achieved masculine power. Its frickin crazy…