Trading Dignity for a Wife

[InnocentVixen]

“don't agree with many of the observations of serial Colombian daters because frankly most of the time it sounds like you guys are spoiled and expect WAY too much from young ladies!      I don't think you recognize that, but I believe it taints much of what you say regarding the ladies.   Nothing against you personally of course, but it always seems to me that a certain segment of the traveling men are very concerned about all of their needs, and put them as a very  high priority...Quite some time ago, I came to realize that in a marriage a man's needs are often on the back burner...I don't mind that because I figure me and many of my needs are not that important anyway!”
 
Very interesting. FT I respect your opinion and effort to advise. But it depends on the needs. Frivolous needs not that important. Basic needs that define me are very important.
 
I think it’s the exact opposite and a sign of the times that you feel the way you do.
 
I think men are not marrying because they perceive women as selfish. And many single men are not willing to trade their dignity for a wife.
 
What happened to the traditional feminine wife? The self-sacrificing woman I see here in Costa Rica. Yes I see them but they are all 40 and older. The twenty and thirty something year olds are basically lazy and selfish or dominant (generalizing).
 
So you can either cave to a lazy selfish or dominant woman or remain single.
 
What do women bring to the table? They used to bring emotional stability to the home. They used to bring consistency. You could always depend on Mom to be there for support. Both husband and child could depend on mom to be there and listen and help. Now if mom does not get her way she upsets the family balance until she gets what she wants (you guys know exactly what I am talking about). Some women even with hold sex as a tool of manipulation. Nothing honorable or dignified about that.
 
Now mom wants fulfillment outside the home (all puns intended). Mom wants to be a hunter and a gatherer/ Part Amazon and part Madonna. What happened to the Madonnas? Being a Madonna is not as important as it once was to women.
 
I am not going to marry an Amazon. A woman that hunts, that is out in the street performing traditionally masculine roles.
 
Marrying an Amazon does nothing but give them a ride. They get cheap housing, and all the other benefits that a male provider provides and then want the perks of being a woman (yet they don’t act feminie). And in return? Amazons don’t want to make a house a home. They want to work and bring home the bacon. Be independent. Why do I want an independent woman when the idea of husband and wife is one depending on the other to fulfill opposite roles. Why marry a hunter when you are a hunter.
 
You may say that it takes two to bring home the bacon nowadays. I say that you are both being selfish. Do with less. Sacrafice things for your childrens benefit. They need a mother at home more than they need an ipod or a vacation. It’s a case of both being selfish. Both wanting to be hunters.
 
Follow me: Women today have become hunters. This is forcing some men to be gathers; to be less than masculine.
 
Men now become feminized so they can fulfill the part of the relationship that women have abandoned.
 
I don’t want that. I wear the pants.
 
So if you guys are comfortable wearing the panties then you are marriage material I guess. It used to be that a man could wear the pants and be marriage material. Not any more, or seldomly.
 
So if it takes sporting the G string to be married – I am out.
 
I don’t even want to wear it occasionally.
 
My needs can be put aside, but not my need to be masculine, to wear the pants. Giving my woman the nice things she wants before giving things to me is a compromise. Letting her wear the pants is a sellout.
 
I don’t sell out.
 
And I remain a solitary man. But a solitary man with dignity intact.
 
And please don’t feel that any of this is a attack on your personal situation or your choices. Its just how I see it. Your life may be different. I welcome countering view points and hope to pursued that I am wrong.

aconcepts,
 
 Are you referring to women in general and/or American women in particular?  I agree with your observations because I have seen the same things.  The proportion of women anywhere who are losing their femininity and gaining masculinity has increased and is still increasing.  I don't want to speculate on the prevalence of non-feminine women in a society but I feel it is much lower in most Latin American countries than in the US.
 
 I am curious.  What are the traits you feel make a woman feminine?  What do you do to attract and keep such feminine women?

Very, very interesting posts. They sure deserve a thread of their own.
I would like to hear from you guys what makes a good latin wife, as I'm getting more and more convinced I'm not what most of guys are looking for. At least not online.

Six years ago I almost died, and since them I'm convinced I have to give my contribution to change the world. I know it sounds really naive, but I have a plan. In fact, I have plan A and plan B. Right now, as I work in a nonprofit, helping saving the rain forest, I get a great sense of fullfilment when a law that has a tiny bit of my contributuion passes in the congress. But even on that days, my last thought before sleeping is: God, how I wish I was a wife. What I'm doing right now is plan B. Plan A was to be the great woman behind the great man, and raise awesome human beings. When I get asked what I want from life, what's my biggest dream, where I'd like to be in five years, I always reply: I want to be a wife and mother. And get mocked all the time. Seriously, where is humanity going? Family is the base for everything to work right, and people don't believe in it anymore.

Most of the women getting married around me, are the Amazons Aconcepts talked about. Maybe that's why some people say you foreingners come here to marry the ones latinos wouldn't marry. Honestly, I think that's a good thing. Should be a compliment. Latinos are mama's boys. They don't want to fight, and they surely don't want to provide. Or at least, like Aconcepts said, sacrifice their lifestyles for the sake of having well raised children.

Now repling to Brazilophile, since I consider myself a feminine woman...That's simple. Be masculine. Not in a macho way, of course. Be ready to fight for her, to treat her well, to provide to your family, to protect them, be sure of your masculinity, know that you don't need to be with every woman in town in order to be a man, face the issues instead of going to the bar and drink until you forget them...

This is so interesting I felt it deserved it's own thread, I too would like to know what makes a "good latin wife" in fact I would also like to know what are the differences with a "good asian wife" a "good russian wife" and god forbid a "good american wife" even if guys make them sound extinct if you feel this way then just say what was so good about them.


So basically what makes a good wife in general and what is that extra spice you found in X country that makes it fit better with you.


I have mentioned before I often feel that men looking for a latina are not looking for someone like myself, even though I like to think I am still good wife material, but perhaps I don't fit in the "good latin wife" label?

[Brazilophile]

I would like to hear from you guys what makes a good latin wife, as I'm getting more and more convinced I'm not what most of guys are looking for. At least not online.

 I could write a treatise on what makes a good wife of any ethnicity. 
 
 In a nutshell, when a husband (or a wife) prefers to spend more time outside the home than inside it, it is because the home is unpleasant to him (or her).  So an excellent wife (or husband), in my opinion, is one who makes being in the home with her (or him) preferable to being anywhere else with anyone else.
 
 How that is achieved is determined by negotiation.

What I have found outside the US generally, and in Latin American specifically, is greater respect for men and masculinity. 
 

[braziliangirl]

 I could write a treatise on what makes a good wife of any ethnicity. 
 
 In a nutshell, when a husband (or a wife) prefers to spend more time outside the home than inside it, it is because the home is unpleasant to him (or her).  So an excellent wife (or husband), in my opinion, is one who makes being in the home with her (or him) preferable to being anywhere else with anyone else.
 
 How that is achieved is determined by negotiation.

What I have found outside the US generally, and in Latin American specifically, is greater respect for men and masculinity.

Thanks, but I guess we would rather read the treatise. 
 
Now seriously, I'd like to hear about "what are the traits you feel make a woman feminine?". Is that just about looks? Looks in first place? I have my own concept of it, but I'd like to hear from you guys.
 

[fathertime]

This looks like it might be the active thread and I just posted this same stuff on the wrong thread so here is the repost:




well to be perfectly earnest...1.  Being very physically attractive (to me)2.  Being a willing mother.3.  Truly and completely being interested in me.4.  At times, be willing to sacrifice personal wants/needs for the family/children.  *As a husband, I try to not make it a choice between one or the other, usually if the husband is willing to also make sacrifices, then the wife will have to sacrifice less*  I just wanted to see a willingness on a lady's part, if nothing else.Fathertime!   

[Brazilophile]

Thanks, but I guess we would rather read the treatise. 
 
Now seriously, I'd like to hear about "what are the traits you feel make a woman feminine?". Is that just about looks? Looks in first place? I have my own concept of it, but I'd like to hear from you guys.

 I will expand a little.  I see masculinity and femininity as complements to each other.  I feel masculinity involves risk-taking, initiative, leadership, providing for and protecting the family.  Femininity enhances these.  So a masculine man should have an ideology, a set of values, and a vision for himself and his household based on that ideology.  Then he should work to acquire the resources necessary to achieve his vision and make it a reality.  A feminine woman should first look for a find a man whose ideology and vision she shares. Then show that man how she can contribute to the household and help them both achieve their shared vision.
 
 For some men, that vision is primarily to look good.  So they look for very attractive sexy women.  A feminine woman for that type of man is one who keeps herself looking very sexy and attractive all the time.  Clearly, he would have to earn enough money to provide her with the clothing, diet, exercise, and cosmetic surgery to achieve that vision.
 
 For other men, that vision is to raise a large family.  So they look for physically and emotionally healthy women who can safely bear children and have the emotional stamina to raise children with the values they both share.  He would have to also be physically and emotionally healthy enough to bear the father's child rearing duties as well as earn enough money to support the household.
 
 So in general, a feminine woman must be able to recognize and respect masculinity in a man, assess whether her traits and skills can sufficiently enhance the masculinity in the man she is considering, and then demonstrate to that man that she, as an embodiment of femininity, is the best complement to his masculinity.
 

[Woody]

I have mentioned before I often feel that men looking for a latina are not looking for someone like myself, even though I like to think I am still good wife material, but perhaps I don't fit in the "good latin wife" label?

Honestly, IV, I would say that you don't fit the label. Not because you are doing anything wrong, but because you are leaps and bounds ahead of the pack in just who you are. Consider this: You are smart, sexy, beautiful, extremely intelligent, a wonderful conversationalist, you put the family first, you are caring, honest, opinionated, independent, funny, etc.

I'm going to catch some flack for this, but oh well...
I think that most guys looking SOTB aren't that focused on intelligence. In fact, I would say that you probably intimidate a lot of the guys you meet. You don't really fall into the band of what people expect, given your origin. When most guys say they are looking for intelligence, I think that they put it in context. "Smart, for someone from a third world country." Instead of what they get with you, "Smart, damn intelligent. Are you sure you didn't go to a top notch US school and breeze your way through? Wait, is she possibly smarter than I am?...."
For me, part of the reason I have moved on from Colombia is the culture. Another part is that you, IV, are basically what I am looking for, just younger than myself. Which does relate to the culture in another way. Even with the Philippines, now that I am over the infatuation period, does not seem all that promising to find what I am looking for. I need to stop chasing the third world, looking for that shining star of intelligent beauty, and focus more on a first world, colder culture. Yeah, warmer cultures are nice and fun, but I feel more at home in a colder culture.

I'm not sure if that actually answered any of your questions, or was just me getting things off my chest. I hope the former is true.

-Daniel

[Jeff S]

Shhhh, Woody, don't be broadcasting that about IV - you'll ruin her chances with gringos!


BTW - nothing wrong with looking for a partner in the first world, or what used to be the second world and is rapidly becoming the first.

[aconcepts]

OK I posted the first half of this elsewhere but I hope this sees that light of day as its important and my last posts languished in PL purgatory for 4 or 5 days.
 
What am I looking for in a Latin wife? Someone that will let me be a man and like it.
 
 If the feminist agenda and double standard again. I want my man to treat me as if he was a woman but I want him to be a man. Can’t have it both ways. You women complain about men not being as sensitive as you are and then men become sensitive and you claim they are wimpy!
 
You slap your man to sleep. Then you slap him for sleeping!
 
Comon girls. It all BS. Fantasy fairy tales dreamland chick flick values..
 
You want men but you don’t like them. Ha!
 
DH Lawrence said that the only thing a man and woman have in common is the bed.
 
Now what is so wrong about that truth?
 
I get all kinds of flack when I say that really I would rather hang out with a man.
 
I don’t mind when my woman hangs out with women. Why are you women so insecure?
 
So what is it with women not wanting men to be with men. Why do they want to monopolize our time?
 
Please answer that?
 
This soulmate crap is nauseating. Oh I want a man to be just like me. If he is going to be just like you, your soulmate, then guess what, he is going to be a woman!
 
I want a woman that values my masculinity and admires our differences. She admires my simplicity and straight forward talk. She admires that I provide her with a great home and the time and money to make our house a home. She admire that I can answer a question in five words or less.
 
I want a woman that has read: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
 
 http://www.amazon.com/The-Proper-Care-Feeding-Husbands/dp/0060520612
 
 If you read that book and act that way I guarantee I will love you to no end. I will open every door for you, I will make you the apple of my eyes and when I am done playing soccer I will want to come home because I know there is sanctuary and someone that adores me, a man (For being a man), at our home.
 
Read the book. That is what I want. I have read the book and for me it’s a tearjerker.
 
Its hard for me to even fathom how lucky a man would be to have a woman like that.
 
 
Now Brazilfile said it best and I really have to applaud him becuase is is all situation specific. The part I like best is he speaks in traditional roles.
 
 
 
LET ME BE CLEAR I DON'T WANT HOMOGENIZED EQUALITY. I want a well defined king and a well defined queen (more on that later)
 
I have a dear friend who is intelligent and a huge bread winner. We had three go arounds with dating and relationships. The last one killed our friendship sadly.
 
Our friendship was great because she was logical like a man. I liked that as I could "talk to her like a man” and she made 100k a month. A true one percenter.
 
All my friends said "you need to marry that women!" She eventually asked me to marry her. And we became engaged.
 
But, there was something weird about it. It was like, "how do I fit in here?" She had the big house and the 600 SL and Land Rover, the private shopper, the interior designer, the power suits, spent 40k a year on fine wine and Opus One being her favorite, she bought me Dolce Gabbanna sunglasses and all the Nordstrum clothes I wanted and at that time I was as wealthy as I am today, I hardly needed her to buy me anything. But, like today I perefe levis teeshirts expensive boots and diamond rings of four fingers (a style choice influenced by my kung fu teacher that used them kind of like high class brass knuckles and sparkled through the air when he demonstrated technique). But it was like this role reversal that she had to prove to me that she could take care of me.
 
I tried to slip away on vacation and she would say “I want to go." So half jokingly I said ok, you pay for it." (thinking maybe she would not!). Well she said OK! I said what is the budget. She said 10K! I said look I want to go to Latin America not Italy. Where I am going its Giligans Island not Europe. There is no real first class there. She said, Then half Gilligan / half first class. After that vacation we split up.
 
Her friends called me heartless. How could you brake off the engagement after she took you on such a nice vacation they scowled!
 
I will tell you why. Because she had no soul and I could not see how I fit into her life. That is where this story relates to brazilfiles extraordinary post, as I was playing the feminine part trying to see how I fit into her vision. That was all wrong and I knew it intuitively.
 
I mean who was I to say she should have things different. She had it all dicked, according to her and halfway dicked according to me.
 
Why did she like me? Because I put my feet up on the expensive furniture, spilt expensive wine on the $100 a square foot carpet and told her that when my friends come over that is she pulled out the plastic shoe covers that her interior decorator gave her clients when she brought them over to show off her work, that I would feed them to her.
 
Her friends loathed me. They could not understand why she loved me and gave me free reign.
 
I tell you why. I brought life to the house. I made it a home. Before them it was as cold as a model home that nobody in which nobody lived.
 
She had a darling 9 year old daughter that I really liked. She wanted me to spend weekends at her house and have the daughter get in bed with us in the morning like a big happy family. I told her that was never going to happen unless we married and were a family. I never spent one overnight there with her daughter in the house.
 
My girlfriend was a mortgage banker and carried two cell phones everywhere happily double fisting deals during the height of the California ral estate craze, of which I was heavily invested. But unlike her I sold most everything before the crash and was called an idiot for getting out, Now, of course I am a genius happily playing out my life in Costa Rica - all because I was not greedy.
 
My point, I used to accompany her child to grammar school functions because I love children and fatherhood and her daughter new it instinctively. Before me, she went unaccomapnied.
 
The woman had no soul but had this lavish lifestyle. She loved me because I illustrated what was important in life and I laid down what was acceptable and was wasn't. Like a masculine man should. Her previous boyfriends were "Yes" people happy to sellout their dignity for a cruise in the Benz and eating at the finest restaurants. I had been there done all that on my dime and could care less about such pretentiousness. I told her, hey I am not impressed by this or that so if you want to go, then go. If you want to invite me, then you pick up the tab. I like hot springs in Big Sur and Saratoga. I'll pick up the tab for that stuff but indulging your pretentiousness is on your dime.
 
She couldn't believe i would talk to her like that. But she respected and loved it.
 
She became very depressed when we split and of course, true to her feminist traits a couple weeks after the split up her friends made sure that it got back to me that she was in the sack with someone else.
 
It didn't matter to me. I was relived… Poor daughter was all I could think about. She later got back to me about how her daughter cried when I broke it off. That was the only part that affected me. I mean she bought her like a $500 Bob Mackey Barbie and then scolded her because she tore open the original box in which it was packaged. She heard it from me after that one and the daughter loved me for it. I mean really…
 
I knew that even though I called the shots me fitting into her paradigm, her lifestyle, her vision, was weird. I didn't like it.
 
Like Brazilfile says, I have a vision and I need a woman that resonates with my vision. That is what being masculine is about. And a woman that resonates with my vision and supports it and us, is what being feminine is about.
 
I could get on with the Buddhist/Taoist philosophy and how in kung fu technique one practices leading and the other following and when the two turn into one, you have transcended polar opposites (such as male female), and essentially while keeping individual genders roles unique that is what a great marriage does.
 
But, the man starts off as the leader, it’s his vision that a woman supports. Later they blend into one. But the woman that understands her femininity knows that yin power is the most powerful.
 
Why? because of it subtleties. When yin or feminine power is obvious rather than subtle, it loses it force.
 
That is what the feminist do not understand. They teach masculine power to women.
 
The art of feminine power, the most awesome of all power, is becoming a lost art.
 
Feminine power is well represented by the game of Chess.
 
In Chess the game is over when the king is lost, yet by his limited movement the King is not the most powerful piece on the board: the Queen is. Nevertheless, the game revolves around the King.
 
A smart and truly powerful woman knows that and maintains her feminine power and femininity by allowing the game to revolve around the King. Even though she is the most powerful piece on the board and she knows it. Nevertheless, she knows that without the King all is lost.
 
Kingless women no matter how much wealth or position and fame they have are lost. Its obvious. Look at Madonna and look at Beyonce. Which one radiates satisfaction and feminine power? As a man, which would you rather be with?
 
Your answer should clue you into your masculinity or lack of it.

[aconcepts]

Regarding Woody.


I applaud you for understanding yourself.


I would like to get to know both Brazilgirl and IV just because they have shown there interest in knowing and appreciating men and masculinity by their participation here. Also I  really like the way Brazilgirl writes what she thinks about her own attitudes. IV sounds like a nice decent intelligent and inquisitive woman as well. You girls ever come to Costa Rica??? jajajaja - Cuidado!


However I could never go back to the cold. Like I said in my previous post I had a rich intelligent fiancee and the next woman I lived with was a poor but well educated Cuban farm girl. I was much happier living and laughing and dancing while dinning on rice and beans and drinking Crystal beer and Havan Club rum and coke in Casa de la Musica all night with her...


Its relationships and laughter and real life drama that play out daily that I find important. Not what you drive or where you eat? That stuff is for rookies. Sadly most don't get past the materialism and status stuff. That is why I am not going back to the US. Unless you drag me there but I will be fighting all the way...

[InnocentVixen]

@FT and Brazilophile, it's funny how we sometimes take things for granted, before reading your posts I didn't really think of it that specifically so when someone says "I like feminine women" I assume they must be referring to other than that since for most of us that is a given, like perhaps wearing pink dresses and high heels 24/7 with a ton of make up or acting so delicate that they wouldn't dare to try to wash a dish.


@woody, I don't think I have ever received that many compliments in one go so I am a bit embarrassed but thank you as for colombianas I always figured you would have your fun and look elsewhere, don't get me wrong I wish you the best but I am glad the novelty for filipinas wore off... I hope BG doesn't get mad at me for saying this, but when you decided to switch you search our first reaction was "nooooooo!" IMHO they didn't sound like the best match for you but there was always the chance of finding that needle in the haysack, there is always 1 or 2 in every country after all, we both agreed it would make us proud if you ended up with a latina and by latina I don't mean a colombiana, in fact I think we will both cry at your wedding when you do find the right one regardless of where she is from haha, looking forward to that!


I think I know what you mean about the "smart for someone from a 3rd world country" comment, not having a degree might work in my advantage when it comes to being less intimidating at first glance but at the same time they expect something different, I've had men write to me like I was a complete ignorant, I don't take it to heart and respond in hopes they realize my profile was not a translation and it's ok to write normal... but some men out there seem to have lower english skills than I do, they ignore what I wrote and still offer to rescue me from my "hard life" or don't understand why would I want to be a housewife if I had my choice in the matter, apparently some people think of it as a last resort if you can't find anything else to do... and that my friend is the reason I gave up on dating sites.


@Jeff, my dear tio, don't worry about it, I do a great job scaring them off by my own! I am not really actively seeking anymore and when I do talk it's with men that have not considered a foreign bride (craigslist... not the mexican area though... might sound crazy but there are a lot more decent guys lurking there out of curiosity than in dating sites it seems) my best bet would probably be to move for a bit somewhere in the US but due my tourist visa as you know I can't work there so that would mean saving quite a bit, staying with my relatives in the US is not much of an option either, they are overprotective and would probably not get to interact much with americans.

Anyways back on topic I was just curious on what your opinion in general is of a good wife and what is what you expect to find or have found in the country of your interest, when I first joined this forum I remember thinking men looking for asian women sounded like a better fit for me than the ones looking for latinas, now I realize that anyone with very specific cultural expectations would not be the best match since I am not the typical mexicana but that doesn't mean I am not one, the best relationship I've had was with an open minded man who would date women from anywhere including americans but just happened to favor women with dark hair.

my posts keep getting longer, I should write a book!

[Jeff S]

Femininity isn't about how much makeup you wear or the height of your heels - nor is it whatever looks that the lord or genetics or gave you to work with. It's an attitude and a presence. As aconcepts said, the Chinese know it as yin energy. Plenty of women in frilly pink dresses, with lots of makeup and hooker heels exude yang instead of yin, so aren't at all feminine - no matter what they look like. Conversely a girl in sandals and jeans, with no make-up can be very feminine.

[braziliangirl]

I hope BG doesn't get mad at me for saying this, but when you decided to switch you search our first reaction was "nooooooo!"

Not at all! I PMed him about it at the time. 
 
Brazil, Woody! Think about it. We are almost like a first world country right now. hahaha
 

some men out there seem to have lower english skills than I do

Happens to me too. A lot. Whenir does, I just move on. It's a pet peeve of mine.

[Woody]

@woody, I don't think I have ever received that many compliments in one go so I am a bit embarrassed but thank you as for colombianas I always figured you would have your fun and look elsewhere, don't get me wrong I wish you the best but I am glad the novelty for filipinas wore off... I hope BG doesn't get mad at me for saying this, but when you decided to switch you search our first reaction was "nooooooo!" IMHO they didn't sound like the best match for you but there was always the chance of finding that needle in the haysack, there is always 1 or 2 in every country after all, we both agreed it would make us proud if you ended up with a latina and by latina I don't mean a colombiana, in fact I think we will both cry at your wedding when you do find the right one regardless of where she is from haha, looking forward to that!


I think I know what you mean about the "smart for someone from a 3rd world country" comment, not having a degree might work in my advantage when it comes to being less intimidating at first glance but at the same time they expect something different, I've had men write to me like I was a complete ignorant, I don't take it to heart and respond in hopes they realize my profile was not a translation and it's ok to write normal... but some men out there seem to have lower english skills than I do, they ignore what I wrote and still offer to rescue me from my "hard life" or don't understand why would I want to be a housewife if I had my choice in the matter, apparently some people think of it as a last resort if you can't find anything else to do... and that my friend is the reason I gave up on dating sites.

IV, those compliments were earned, not given. I could say much the same for BG, but it was you that asked the question. Then you turn around and pay me an even better compliment from the both of you.

I would say that not having a degree actually works to your disadvantage. It reinforces the stereotypical picture a guy has before he even talks to you. I'll be the first to admit, my reaction to first seeing you on the forum was one of those WTF moments for me. I had the same perception as the rest of the guys that contact you. I am certainly not too proud to admit that. (Same goes for BG, just to a lesser extent. I guess I expect more from Brazilians than Mexicans. Sorry!)

I would say that them telling you that they want to rescue you from the hard life is really doing you a favor. IV, the last thing you want is a guy with White Knight Syndrome(Sindrome del Principe Azule?). Sure, a lot of us have it to some extent, but the guys that have it bad are the ones to look out for. They seek self-satisfaction through the uplifting of a Damsel in distress, then they feel as though she should be grateful for that for the rest of her life.

Unfortunately, I think you would have the best chance of meeting someone you would be compatible with on a site like eHarmony. The only problem is that most people on there have very narrowly defined areas that they are looking in. Most only look within 10-15 miles of their home. I know that when I was on eHarmony, I was only looking within 70 miles or so of where I lived. I just wish I actually knew any single guys that I would be happy to recommend to you, I don't. You know, that is something that I find troubling. I can't actually recommend anyone I know because most of the guy friends I have that are single are not looking at getting married(again). To be perfectly honest, a lot of them are unsuitable for marriage anyways.

As to the housewife jab. You are actually correct. My personal view is that I should be able to provide a stable home for my family and my wife should be able to devote 100% to the children. I certainly prefer a woman that HAS worked and understands the value and stresses of having to work, but what happens when the kids are in school? I prefer a wife that has the ability to work, or some kind of hobby (not shopping!) that satisfies her and does not cost a small fortune to maintain, if only for her sanity's sake. The other MAJOR advantage of her working, if only part time, is her interacting with people besides me and using up her words on them. I am perfectly happy to listen to her talk endlessly, if she is just using me for a sounding board and not expecting my input much, if at all. She just needs to specify this before hand, otherwise I'll be a normal male and try to fix things.

my posts keep getting longer, I should write a book!

I'de buy a copy, as long as I could get you to sign it!

You could title it:
Conquistadora: My Search for Satisfaction.

No...that would never work. Too much pun-ability and innuendo.

They say that love conquers all, yet all you desire it to be conquered by love. Where did the world go so wrong?

[htown]

InnocentVixen I have a few friends who are in the united states with a tourist visa who work.  It's not legal but does it really matter?  Where I live in Houston half the population is working illegally, it's not a big deal.


And regarding the thread topic I actually love women who are ambitious and intelligent.  The last thing I want is some woman with an 8th grade education who is perfectly content with popping out babies and staying in the kitchen all day making homemade tortillas.  I love a strong woman who can take charge of a situation and make tough decisions when necessary.  I'm not intimidated by these women in the least.  I'm actually turned off by women who simply sit back and let their man make all of the decisions and don't care to give any input.  I don't need a woman like that to make me feel like a man.

[Woody]

InnocentVixen I have a few friends who are in the united states with a tourist visa who work.  It's not legal but does it really matter?  Where I live in Houston half the population is working illegally, it's not a big deal.

Unless she gets caught. Bye bye tourist visa, bye bye any chance of a K1/K3 for a decade. I think I know which way IV would lean.

I'm actually turned off by women who simply sit back and let their man make all of the decisions and don't care to give any input.  I don't need a woman like that to make me feel like a man.

Yikes. This is one of the quickest ways for me to lose interest. Do that to me for about three days straight and I am done. Oh wait, that already happened to me. :/

[Ray]

I have a few friends who are in the united states with a tourist visa who work.  It's not legal but does it really matter?  Where I live in Houston half the population is working illegally, it's not a big deal.

 
Yes, it does matter, and yes, it is a big deal!
 
If foreign guests can't respect our laws, then they are welcome to leave by the same way they came... 
 
 
 

 
Ray
 
 

[htown]

Thanks for your opinion Ray.  Let me inform the millions of people who are working here without permission what you said and I'm sure they'll be gone by the end of the week.  Thanks for being so useful.   

[Ray]

...my posts keep getting longer, I should write a book!

 
Save a copy for me too. See, you haven't even started writing it yet and you have already sold two copies!   
 
 
Unlike R. A.'s rambling drivel, your long posts are always appreciated... 
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Ray]

Thanks for your opinion Ray.  Let me inform the millions of people who are working here without permission what you said and I'm sure they'll be gone by the end of the week.  Thanks for being so useful.   

 
Always glad to be of help.
 
 
Be sure to tell them not to let the door hit them in the ass on the way out... LOL!
 
 
Ray
 
 
 

[michaelb]

At the risk of making a cultural reference that may go over your heads (IV and BG)....some men are looking for Mary Ann and some men are looking for Ginger. I'm sure all the men here know what I mean, I'll explain it if you want me to.
 

[Woody]

At the risk of making a cultural reference that may go over your heads (IV and BG)....some men are looking for Mary Ann and some men are looking for Ginger. I'm sure all the men here know what I mean, I'll explain it if you want me to.

I have an idea as to what you are referring to, but I am afraid it was probably about 15 years before my time.

[fathertime]

At the risk of making a cultural reference that may go over your heads (IV and BG)....some men are looking for Mary Ann and some men are looking for Ginger. I'm sure all the men here know what I mean, I'll explain it if you want me to.

Ha!  I never thought of it in those terms!  I must say of those two ladies Mary Ann was more my style! 


Fathertime! 

[michaelb]

OK, they were characters on the TV comedy Gilligan's Island, the overall plot of which was a group of people shipwrecked on a remote island with no way to escape nor contact the outside world. Ginger was an up and coming movie actress, with the looks to match, but stuck on herself and pretty much an air head. Mary Ann had "the girl next door looks", but was friendly and kind and intelligent and other desirable traits. In those days it was a custom to walk up to people and ask "Mary Ann or Ginger?"

[InnocentVixen]

Unfortunately, I think you would have the best chance of meeting someone you would be compatible with on a site like eHarmony.

I tried eHarmony a few years ago, my matches would always be extremely religious people because of my old fashioned ways I would guess... in fact just the other day BG told me that for brazilian standards I am a nun... so that is yet another contradiction in my personality, old fashioned yet not religious.


An important point I feel I should address as Jeff was kind enough to clarify for me about being feminine is that for me at least, being a housewife does not mean to raise the children and when they are at school just sit there and wait, for me being a housewife is taking care of the kids, our home and depending on the husband's job to have his back covered by helping him if possible and if that is not possible then just making sure he is well taken care of so he is able to do his job properly, I don't see why this things would get in the way of enjoying my own hobbies or even have a little biz on the side once there is more free time as kids get older, but for me my main focus would always be my family so I would choose something where I am my own boss and will not get in the way of spending time together or going on a family vacation for example, even if that means that I make no profit out of it and just get enough to continue supporting my own hobby if I had my choice in it.


I've always said that I am not looking specifically for a wealthy man so I do understand that I might not be able to get to be too picky about it and might have to find something more profitable depending on who I end up with and that is perfectly fine with me as long as I am not asked to let someone else raise our child, so even if I was working, in a way, isn't that helping my husband? and if that is my major concern, wouldn't that mean at the end that I am a housewife before anything else? maybe it's just that the word took a negative turn in the US just like over here if a man specifies he likes very feminine women means he likes high maintenance/shallow ones.


And over the mexican/brazilian comment, no worries I am used to it, the funny part is that here in Mexico people tend to assume I have a degree when they meet me, I also look taller in pictures, ask Jeff! I will never forget his first words when we met "wow you are so short" I am just weird like that 


@htown thank you for your advice, I am aware people do those kinds of things but I am not comfortable with it, I feel is just not worth it and there for not an option, from what I see living so close to the border it is mostly desperate people that have nothing to lose that take that chance, I have too much to lose to even consider it. So unless I could manage to get a working visa issued I would have to go there prepared for the expenses of my stay, which is usually a lot more than here in Mx so it would take me a while.


Hmm... already 2 books sold and haven't even written it, sounds like I have some work to do! haha

[Jeff S]

Hey now - most guys really like petite girls. Besides I just said shorter than I expected - not SO short.


Helping out the husband/family with income or business is very yin so long as it doesn't become the main focus.