Ready to get started but a few concerns...

[FlyingMoose]

I'm ready to jump in and find a Filipina to marry and bring back to the US, but I have a few concerns first...


1. I hear about short-term scams (where the scammer gets a guy to send money) and I'm not really concerned about that.  What I'm concerned about are the stories about a guy who marries a woman and brings here here, and everything is great until she just disappears one day, or files for divorce and takes half his stuff and child support and alimony, or just wants a green card, etc.  The person telling the story usually seems to be totally blindsided and had no clue.  So my question is, was the person just too dense / in love / etc. to see it coming?  Or is this likely to happen to me even if I do everything right?


2. Is there a consensus here about the best site to meet women?  I'm talking about a paid-for online dating site.  Or is some kind of love tour better?


3. I'm probly what many people would consider a boring person:  I don't drive, and I work from home, so I'm pretty much in the house 24/7.  I do go out to the movies with my friends every Friday night.  Will a Filipina consider me a boring loser like most American women?


4. I'm not religious, and I don't particularly like the Philippines.  I've been there and I wouldn't want to live there or raise kids there.  Since I don't drive, I like being able to order anything on the internet and have it in a couple of days, something which I don't think is possible in the PI.  The main thing though is that my friends are all in the US, and I don't make friends especially easily.  The friends I have I've known for a very long time.  We're all computer geeks, and I doubt I could find similar friends over there to talk shop with, etc.  This isn't really a question, just my biggest internal conflict about living in the US vs the Phils.  Oh, and I find karaoke annoying.


What do you guys think, are these valid concerns?

[Micky]

FM -
 
Welcome.  At least you sound like your honest about who and what you are,  that is something lacking in many.  There are many here who can and will help you with your journey,  several married to Pinays.  The best to you.
 
Micky

[jmcooper002]

So I guess my response to this would be


1. Scammers - DON'T SEND MONEY!!!!! especially if you have never met. If they love you after 5 minutes then you probably should be a little concerned. However Fil girls seem to fall in love easily. If they are in a hurry to get here and don't want to take a little time to really get to know you, that may also be a red flag. Just use common sense though and know that scammers are out there. I was always concerned about being scammed and finally came to the conclusion after meeting my girl that if she was a scammer she has been patient, waiting for two years to be with me, never asking for money once that I would take the risk. Life with out risk is a life without reward.


2. I met my girl on Cherry Blossoms and I felt like I found more sincere women on that site than Cebuanas. However its a process, you will talk to a lot of non compatible women before you meet a few good connections. Just be warned they will try to make you there boyfriend after only a few days. Keep your options open until you know she is the one.


3. As far as being a boring person i don't think you should really worry about that, most women are pretty laid back especially the further you get away from big cities. You may want to find a simple farm girl.


4. I scored major brownie points by being catholic, however as long as you don't prevent them from being religious and raise the children within their religion you should be fine. Most of them expect to come to the US and don't necessarily require you to live in the Philippines. Although you would be like a celebrity there and they seem very friendly and accepting.

Good luck on your journey, i have found it to be a very rewarding experience.

[Bob_S]

was the person just too dense / in love / etc. to see it coming?

Most likely, yes.

Or is this likely to happen to me even if I do everything right?

Likely?  Not necessarily.  But CAN happen, even if you think you've done everything right.

2. Is there a consensus here about the best site to meet women?  I'm talking about a paid-for online dating site.  Or is some kind of love tour better?

No love tours.  Bad bad bad.  Cherry Blossoms seems to have a decent reputation, or at least it used to.  Others can chime in better.

3. I'm probly what many people would consider a boring person:  I don't drive, and I work from home, so I'm pretty much in the house 24/7.  I do go out to the movies with my friends every Friday night.  Will a Filipina consider me a boring loser like most American women?

Yes.  All women, everywhere, are social creatures and need to mingle with their own kind from time to time.  Now, if you're a homebody like me, then do what I did and find yourself a woman who is also a homebody.  Just plan on going out sometime.  Or don't mind her going out alone with her gal pals, where they'll meet single guys on the make, with an eye for young pretty girls, where probably some of the guys will be younger, richer, and more studly than you.  You won't have a problem with that, will you? 

4. I'm not religious, and I don't particularly like the Philippines.  I've been there and I wouldn't want to live there or raise kids there.  Since I don't drive, I like being able to order anything on the internet and have it in a couple of days, something which I don't think is possible in the PI.  The main thing though is that my friends are all in the US, and I don't make friends especially easily.  The friends I have I've known for a very long time.  We're all computer geeks, and I doubt I could find similar friends over there to talk shop with, etc.  This isn't really a question, just my biggest internal conflict about living in the US vs the Phils.  Oh, and I find karaoke annoying.

Then the Phils really is probably not for you.  Forget about what you don't like.  Focus on what you do like.  Then aim for the country that better matches you.  There are dozens of other countries in the Far East to chose from, you know.  Why focus on the Philippines if it is obvious you do not match the country, culture, or people?  Do you think the women are more desperate and more willing to put up with your crap and a low quality marriage just to come to America?  That's setting yourself up for definite failure.  They may seem sweet, but they are not doormats.  Even a good woman will dump a lousy husband (as should she!).

[Ray]

 
My advice...try another country besides the Philippines.
 
 
Ray
 
 

[FlyingMoose]

My advice...try another country besides the Philippines.
 
 
Ray

Any suggestions as to which country might suite me better?

[Ray]

 
I would find a country that you just love to visit, you really like the culture, and would definitley consider living there sometime in the future.
 
China? Taiwan? Singapore? Japan?
 
 
 
Ray
 
 
 

[robert angel]

Flying Moose:

 
1. If you take your time and use common sense you could do fine. I'd recommend looking at ladies from the provinces and rural areas. I'm partial to Mindanao--the pace of life is slower and the people not as jaded as in the bigger cities. I think your chances are better there than here, from my limited knowledge of your situation. The "Green card shark" scenario is way over stated. Again--if you take your time and use common sense, you won't marry some ditzy dame who's going to use you and leave you. If by chance you marry the wrong person, in a year or two you'll probably divorce. By then she'll have a green card, a job (do you want her to work or are you against that?) that's something to discuss and work out in advance for sure--because she WILL be sending money home to help her family. If she's got to clip grocery coupons to save a few bucks, she'll do so--it's best to accept that up front. Assuming you've been smart enough to wait about having children and didn't go out and buy a house together, you won't get wiped out financially if by chance you didn't do the homework and find out the hard way that you didn't marry a keeper.

 
2. Blossoms and Fil. Cupid and the free sites are fine. My wife and I were both on Blossoms at one point, although a mutual friend here in the states introduced us and we didn't meet there. Nothing wrong with spreading your net--it's knowing when to draw it in that's hard. Those sites can be a mile a minute, so drive carefully, focusing all the while. You chase a dozen birds at once and maybe you'll end up with none, or with one you thought you knew, only to find out you didn't. Don't come right out and tell her all about you, what you want and your requirements--do that and a lot of gals will 'play the role' in the play, to suit the director and win 'the part'. Play it wise and feel her out for what she REALLY wants. Take the time to find out if your compatible, but don't be afraid to say good bye or otherwise move on if things don't start off too good.

 
3. A lot of Filipinas like being homebodies, but generally, they also want to be able to keep up online with friends and family back home, stay up on Filipino celebrity news and probably phone home occasionally too. They like to occasionally meet with other Filipinas and eat food you probably wouldn't even like  the smell of--I trust my wife--she always asks if it's OK and I've always said 'yes, honey'. I don't miss the smell of dried fish cooking in oil a bit, nor the blue crabathons. We keep our circle of friends really small and don't mix much with Fil-Am groups--we might go to maybe the Christmas party or the Easter one, maybe one, the other or to none. Those 'groups' or 'associations'  are more trouble over time than they're worth in our opinion.

 
4. Not being religious or particularily into living in the Philippines or aspects of life there shouldn't be a problem, unless you belittle, directly OR indirectly, her faith and nation. You have to accept her for what and who she is and that includes her nation AND family. Be as up front and open about things--maybe paint yourself as even worse a catch than you are (I did) and DON'T expect her to change--you probably don't expect to change a lot for her. Discuss how you're not religious and decide honestly, how if she likes to go to church weekly or just sometimes. If you'd be nice enough to go along, that'd be nice, think about it. You can get liquid paper, colored markers and paint eye balls on your eyelids and sleep during mass and no one but you and her (and the almighty) will know. I did that for years in school and it worked great. I go to mass sometimes, although sometimes my wife goes with a girlfriend and I stay home. A MAJOR flaw is 'settling', overlooking things in each other that will be more annoying later or expecting that little niggling things will 'work themselves out' over time. If she's chubby, don't think--"Aww--she'll diet and will look better" or if she sometimes forgets thing that matter to you, don't assme that'll get better--you get the point--they'll probably only get worse, not better.  A lot of guys married to Filipinas aren't nearly as religious as their wives and it works out OK. On all this here in 'number 4', keep in mind that if you're sarcastic or subtly critical about her, her nation, culture and/or religion, it will not be good and it won't get better. You want to grow together, not apart--no, not change your stripes, but try and make each other happy. There's a balance in there somewhere and it ebbs and flows.

 
You sound like an honest guy. If you're up front about what (who) you want and how you want to live and if you get a level headed, steady, quiet,  home focused person who's not likely to get all changed by the bright lights, big city and materialism of life in the USA and ONLY if you accept her nation and culture at face value w/o rolling your eyes too much or otherwise being negative, I think you have a decent chance. Again--take your time....
 
There's all kinds of women over there and you can meet a good, decent and intelligent lady who'll be an asset to your life, IF, if you have a bit more to offer her than '3 hots and a cot' and a computer. I don't want a caged bird--they actually stop singing after a while.You might not be the candles and roses kind of guy and I'm not either, but I go in for that fuzzy stuff once in a while (how about a movie AND dinner out occasionally, F.M.?) and I show a sincere interest in her family back home and all that means a GREAT deal to my wife.

 
Good luck--you CAN do it!

[Jhengsman]

.  A lot of guys married to Filipinas are nearly as religious as their wives and it works out OK. On all this here in 'number 4', keep in mind that if you're sarcastic or subtly critical about her, her nation, culture and/or religion, it will not be good and it won't get better. You want to grow together, not apart--no, not change your stripes, but try and make each other happy. There's a balance in there somewhere and it ebbs and flows.

Even in the case when you are in what the Catholic Church categorizes as a "mixed marriage". Keep in mind that Protestants are distinct minority there and the fundamentalist among the outlying smaller groups, Sabbath keepers, non trinity believers, etc don't mix as much as Americans do, in many cases because their home churches are exclusive and won't allow members to even visit another (Catholic in this specific case) house of worship

[robert angel]

Even in the case when you are in what the Catholic Church categorizes as a "mixed marriage". Keep in mind that Protestants are distinct minority there and the fundamentalist among the outlying smaller groups, Sabbath keepers, non trinity believers, etc don't mix as much as Americans do, in many cases because their home churches are exclusive and won't allow members to even visit another (Catholic in this specific case) house of worship

Jhengsman,
 
I fixed a typo--I meant to say A lot of guys AREN'T as religious as their Filipino wives, but it can work out OK.
Excellent point about all the different religions over there. I couldn't imagine things working with a Muslim or Jehovah Witness woman and I. That's just for starters. Some faiths are very strict, exclusionary and can even be seen as 'cult like'. You can sometimes meet a woman and think a lot of her and not know about the 'requirements' of her faith or even lesser things that you might not like about her faith. She may be poor and wanting a way out. They minimize talk of such things. Just more reasons to take the time necessary and to not set up questions the wrong way--not leading them into answers they think you want to hear. We had a guy go over there this past summer only to realize (after spending considerable time and money), that the gal he went to see was deeply in Iglesia ni Kristo. She offered to change, but it wasn't meant to be and probably wouldn't have worked out if she did try. If she's willing to walk out on something she believed fervently all her life--that's not a good sign.
 
 
Quote:
4. Not being religious or particularily into living in the Philippines or aspects of life there shouldn't be a problem, unless you belittle, directly OR indirectly, her faith and nation. You have to accept her for what and who she is and that includes her nation AND family. Be as up front and open about things--maybe paint yourself as even worse a catch than you are (I did) and DON'T expect her to change--you probably don't expect to change a lot for her. Discuss how you're not religious and decide honestly, how if she likes to go to church weekly or just sometimes. If you'd be nice enough to go along, that'd be nice, think about it. You can get liquid paper, colored markers and paint eye balls on your eyelids and sleep during mass and no one but you and her (and the almighty) will know. I did that for years in school and it worked great. I go to mass sometimes, although sometimes my wife goes with a girlfriend and I stay home. A MAJOR flaw is 'settling', overlooking things in each other that will be more annoying later or expecting that little niggling things will 'work themselves out' over time. If she's chubby, don't think--"Aww--she'll diet and will look better" or if she sometimes forgets thing that matter to you, don't assme that'll get better--you get the point--they'll probably only get worse, not better.  A lot of guys married to Filipinas aren't nearly as religious as their wives and it works out OK. On all this here in 'number 4', keep in mind that if you're sarcastic or subtly critical about her, her nation, culture and/or religion, it will not be good and it won't get better. You want to grow together, not apart--no, not change your stripes, but try and make each other happy. There's a balance in there somewhere and it ebbs and flows.

[Capstone]

My advice...try another country besides the Philippines.
 

I couldn't agree more with Ray and would suggest focusing on a different country as well. If you marry a Filipina, then the Philippines and the culture that goes along with will be a part of your life forever. I would never suggest marrying anyone who is from a country and/or culture that you aren't comfortable with - it would be a recipe for disaster.

[FlyingMoose]

I couldn't agree more with Ray and would suggest focusing on a different country as well. If you marry a Filipina, then the Philippines and the culture that goes along with will be a part of your life forever. I would never suggest marrying anyone who is from a country and/or culture that you aren't comfortable with - it would be a recipe for disaster.

I've been looking for a while, and there doesn't seem to be a "perfect" country to find a wife, just the same as there's really no "perfect" anything in life.  English isn't spoken in very many other countries, and most have some kind of religion.  The philippines seems to be the best match because the women speak english, the people are more laid-back, not too westernized, and they're supposed to make very good wives.  I understand the point that the Philippines isn't a perfect match, but as I said, I don't know that a perfect match exists.  If I spoke Chinese, I'd probly look in China, but I don't speak it and it's very difficult to learn.  I find the Chinese women to be more attractive too.  But I've seen people say that it's dreadful to live there if you don't speak the language.  That probably applies to most non-english-speaking countries.  Perhaps Singapore, since they speak English, but it's expensive and very westernized.  I still think the Philippines may be my best bet.

[Bob_S]

I would find a country that you just love to visit, you really like the culture, and would definitley consider living there sometime in the future.
China? Taiwan? Singapore? Japan?

Yeah, I'd start with Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Singapore, or the big eastern cities of China (not rural western China unless you're really comfortable with the language and lifestyle). Especially if you're a techie geek.

I've been looking for a while, and there doesn't seem to be a "perfect" country to find a wife, just the same as there's really no "perfect" anything in life.  English isn't spoken in very many other countries, and most have some kind of religion.  The philippines seems to be the best match because the women speak english, the people are more laid-back, not too westernized, and they're supposed to make very good wives.  I understand the point that the Philippines isn't a perfect match, but as I said, I don't know that a perfect match exists.

The perfect is the enemy of the good.  We're not saying you should be looking for perfect, we're just advising you look for something better for you.

  If I spoke Chinese, I'd probly look in China, but I don't speak it and it's very difficult to learn.  I find the Chinese women to be more attractive too.  But I've seen people say that it's dreadful to live there if you don't speak the language.  That probably applies to most non-english-speaking countries.  Perhaps Singapore, since they speak English, but it's expensive and very westernized.

You don't have to learn Chinese to visit China.  Sure, it is nice if you can pick up a few phrases, but generally, only Latinas expect you to learn their language.  Everywhere else, it is understood that you are a bull-in-a-china-shop Westerner who can barely speak your own native language, forget about learning their local language.  Everywhere you go, folks will want to practice their English on you, so even if you did speak the local dialect, you'd never get a chance to use it.

Besides, what's all this talk about whether a country is Westernized?  What does that mean, anyway?  Does having indoor plumbing, rural electrification, and reliable ATMs and cell service somehow make a country undesirable?  You dislike the Phils because it is not Westernized enough, then praise it for being not Westernized.  Make up your mind!

I still think the Philippines may be my best bet.

Well, you came here for advice and are now ignoring it.  You seem hell bent on following that set path, so good luck with it.  Just remember, when it all falls apart, it's not the women's fault.  Start finding some good things about the country so you won't come across as a nebbish whiner when talking to the women.  Do you know anything about the Phils' history during WWII?  There's a lot to admire about the people over that one, the way they defended their island archipelago and aided the Americans.  Start reading.

[jm21-2]

From going through this process and being involved in many hundred divorces, there are three things I would like to point out:


1. Just about everyone thinks they're the innocent party who got screwed in a divorce.


2. If you don't like the phils, don't marry a Filipina.


3. Women are pretty much the same everywhere. What's different are some cultural things, which goes back to point #2.




I work part time from home now and I know a lot of women who would hate it. It could give the perception of being lazy. If you have good income it might be OK. Most women the world over want their husband to make more than them.


Taiwanese are probably  the most home-bodied people I have met. In my wife's family the family car that she, her mom, and her brother all use, is 10 years old or so and has 20-30,000kms on it. But it seems like most Taiwanese women want their husband to support them comfortably. Don't know if that's a problem for you or not.


Also keep in mind that she will want fresh foods that can be hard to find and you can't order online. I hadn't been to Seattle for 2 years and I go every 2-3 weeks now that I'm married.

[FlyingMoose]

Besides, what's all this talk about whether a country is Westernized?  What does that mean, anyway?  Does having indoor plumbing, rural electrification, and reliable ATMs and cell service somehow make a country undesirable?

I thought finding less-Westernized women was pretty much the entire point of this forum.  I've seen numerous threads asking whether women will become Westernized when living in the US, or complaining about the local women in the posters' home countries.

[FlyingMoose]

I work part time from home now and I know a lot of women who would hate it. It could give the perception of being lazy. If you have good income it might be OK. Most women the world over want their husband to make more than them.

This is, I think, the biggest potential problem, and the reason I ruled out a Chinese woman.  I've worked very, very hard up to this point so that I can take it easy but continue to have a good (read: upper-middle-class) income from selling existing intellectual property.  I've realized that I waited too long to try to find a good American woman (most of the good ones are taken by the end of college, and younger girls won't go out with someone a bit older in the US).  I've read that women in China will not accept this, and will be busting my ass to start working harder again so that I can make even more money, and will never be satisfied.  Women from the Philippines are more laid-back, and will be happy if I can send the kids to private schools and live in a big house, but still be able to spend lots of time with her and the kids.  Otherwise, I feel like all my work so far is for naught.

Also keep in mind that she will want fresh foods that can be hard to find and you can't order online. I hadn't been to Seattle for 2 years and I go every 2-3 weeks now that I'm married.

Luckily, a huge Asian supermarket just opened a short walk from my house.

[jm21-2]

Just imho, but I think the type of woman who is OK with her husband taking it easy and staying at home is far more prevalent in westernized countries. I have seen plenty of Filipinas push their husband to work more or earn more.


My wife would be OK with me not working if I could support her...in fact she would actually encourage it I think. But I don't think that's the norm.


I would think about Japan maybe. I imagine there are quite a few decent unmarried Japanese women in their late 20's who had a workaholic father who was gone all the time and who might really appreciate the idea of a guy who can stay home. Some younger Chinese are that way but age is more of an issue to them which might cause problems.

[Jeff S]

I've read that women in China will not accept this, and will be busting my ass to start working harder again so that I can make even more money, and will never be satisfied.

3. Women are pretty much the same everywhere. What's different are some cultural things, which goes back to point #2.

Some Chinese women will, some won't. Some Filipina women will, some won't. Some American women will, some won't.


Going overseas isn't a panacea - and certainly looking in one corner of the world vs another isn't going to change anything. You have to be ready for marriage and you have to be willing to do what it takes to make a marriage work. Your task then is to find a women with the same viewpoint about it as you have. It's the same whether you're looking next door, in Shanghai, Cebu, Guadalajara, St. Petersburg or Accra. The only difference aside from the superficial appearance ones, is the culture of the woman.


There's a big advantage to going where life is good - the women in general aren't desperate to leave, so you don't get as much of them telling you what you want to hear just to get out of poverty, you don't get as many concessions to what they want, just to try to make things work. In other words, they won't tell you that they're OK with your living situation while plotting all along that they'll make it a project to turn you into a Brooks Brother's suit clad corporate drone. You can find women that'll do that anywhere, and you can find laid-back, artistic types happy to have you around to take walks in the park and picnics anywhere also. Roughly one fourth of the world's women are Chinese. When you paint 1/4th of the world with that broad of a brush, you're demonstrating a major misunderstanding of why we go overseas in the first place.

[robert angel]

[quote author=jm21-2 link=topic=7091.msg100474#msg100474 date=1333148455

 I have seen plenty of Filipinas push their husband to work more or earn more.





 
So true. One of the reasons we don't go to many of the Filipino-American association events is because a lot of them are all about what you wear, drive, live---where your kids go to school and more. Some immigrants come to the USA and become "More American than the Americans" and Filipinos are no exception. As said, perfect doesn't exist and probably in all these countries the guys here mention, there are women who there's a good chance of things working out between the two of you.
 
I still think that given the language situation and how I think there are a lot of laid back women who are loyal, have smarts and can run things, but prefer to have the man (or at least make it appear so) run the show, that the Philippines is worth checking out.
 
Just because you wouldn't want to live in a foreign woman's country doesn't mean you loathe it and as I said, I think how you handle your feelings--namely not slamming it directly or indirectly, makes the difference. Just realize that you will be obligated to go there with her at some time, even if it's only every second or third time she goes home. As said, expect now that she will send money back home too.
 
I just have a feeling that there's a higher chance of finding a more westernized woman that fits your 'comfort zone' in the Philippines, despite differences/concerns on religion and about the quality of living in her country. For some women these may be deal breakers, but then  there are about fifty million females over there...

[fathertime]

Hi Flyingmoose...from what I'm reading, it seems to me that you should put the South American countries back on your radar screen unless you don't have an attraction to the Latinas.


Fathertime! 

[benjio]

Hi Flyingmoose...from what I'm reading, it seems to me that you should put the South American countries back on your radar screen unless you don't have an attraction to the Latinas.


Fathertime!

My sentiments exactly....I agree.

[Ray]

OK moose,
　
You seem to be set on Filipinas despite all the red flags in your situation.
　
When you first came here, I think you said you were an avowed atheist and were looking for a woman with the same or similar views. This just isn’t going to work in the Philippines unless you spend years trying to find the rare Filipina avowed atheist in the country.
　
The Philippines is a relatively very religious country, predominantly Catholic, over 90% Christian, with most of the remainder Muslim. Filipina Catholics are generally very tolerant of other religious beliefs but atheism just isn’t going to fly. At the minimum, you had better at least believe in and have respect for a higher power or you are begging for trouble. The first time you open your mouth and state that there is no God and you don’t want your children exposed to that religious hogwash, your marriage is going to be in trouble.
　
You’re not just asking your future Filipina wife to be tolerant of your personal views on God and religion, but you are going against her core beliefs. As Robert mentioned earlier, even the streetwalkers believe in God and still make an attempt to practice their religion to a degree.
　
If you are still in the same place religiously as you were a couple of years ago, then do yourself and your future wife a big favor and marry an atheist like yourself. This is just too big of an issue to attempt to overcome in a marriage. This is the main reason why I recommended that you try another less-religious Asian country.
　
You said you did make a trip to the Philippines recently? Did you go to meet any ladies? Can you tell us a little about your trip, where you went, what you did, and what you did and didn’t like about the country?
　
Thanks,
　
Ray
　

[dbmcguinness]

Hi Flying Moose
for your financial concerns I would recommend entering into a prenup.  There is no other way to guard against some painful financial lumps, regardless whether you are marrying someone from another country or just down the block.  It seems like a lot of relationships get strained for financial reasons - can prenups save marriages?  It seems possible by virtue of setting up clear financial rules from the outset.  And worse case scenario you will protect yourself, as the breadwinner, in the event that a divorce happens.  You can draft one in any manner that you and she thinks is fair; if you and she have radically different concepts of what a fair prenup is and she won't enter into one, it seems to me that you have been fairly warned about her expectations of the marriage (and the divorce).
 

[robert angel]

Before I married, I asked some very highly rated lawyers about pre nups. Everyone of them said they are useless, or worse yet, counterproductive. A judge may see it as you taking advantage of  a poor woman who didn't know what it was about.
It's not handled the same in all states, but overall, it's bad move. If you're that worried, make sure that if you have a house or nice cars that you get them in your name, before you wed and that most of your bank accounts are in your name if you're that worried.
Even with a prenup, almost anything you bought after the marriage--cars, boats, houses, investments wll be 50% hers, even if she wasn't working.
If she doesn't have a skill or a decent job, you'll probably have to suppport her, pay for school and job training, etc. untill she gets a good job

[Jeff S]

Good luck with that. Having a prenup sounds like a good solution, but almost never is. If you want to help your attorney make his next Mercedes payment or help his kid get into Harvard, they might be a good idea. Most of the lawyers here, and those who have consulted lawyers before they married their foreign spouses conclude that in most states, a prenup is meaningless for anything other than leaving your estate to your children or protecting your pre-marriage business assets. Before taking internet advice, do consult with a competent attorney licensed to practice in your state.

Edit: Beat me to it Robert!