Planning for my fiancee's arrival

[mambocowboy]

Ok guys, my Barranquillera fiancee's VISA was approved yesterday in Bogota (I didn't go due to work obligations and was very fortunate that she was able to follow through with her end of things). (She arrived at the embassy at 5am and though her interview time was scheduled for 7:30am they made her wait till 11:30am for the interview). Long story short, she is a very special woman to me and I'm fortunate to have her in my life...At any rate, though I haven't bought a plane ticket for her yet I'm thinking about flying her here the second weekend in May (unfortunately no work holidays around that time). My question, especially for those of you who have brought a wife to the States, is how much time off work do you suggest taking, if any. I don't have family  in town to help her adjust. I work 8 hours a day Monday-Friday and can take a day or two off (to take more it's expected a give more advance notice, yes, my work environment is fairly uptight)...Interested to hear advice on this. Thanks.

[JWR]

Take off what you can without causing yourself problems at work.
 
Get her in ESL classes right away.  That will give her something to do right from the beginning.

[mambocowboy]

Thanks. ESL classes are a must. That's 3-4 hours a day right there.

[Ray]

 
My advice is to take off at least 2-3 weeks from work when she arrives.
 
This is really important! DO NOT leave her alone at home while you are at work right after she gets here. She will need you there to show her the ropes and train her how to function safely in her new environment.
 
There are a lot of seemingly little things that can be a real danger for a woman alone in a strange new environment.
 
For example, what does she do when some strange person rings the door bell?
 
What kind of personal information should she not give to strangers over the phone?
 
Who is dangerous and who is not?
 
Can the neighbors be trusted if she needs help with something?
 
How to safely use the local public transportation?
 
Is it safe to go jogging or walking alone in your neighborhood?
 
Why is not safe to talk to strangers (especially men) on the street, or even to smile at them in a friendly manner?
 
These things may be drastically different from what is the norm in her home town. In my wife's country for example, it is usually customary to invite door-to-door salesmen into your home and maybe offer them some refreshments while you politely listen to their sales pitch, even if you are a woman alone at home.
 
If you don't have any vacation time at work, maybe ask about an unpaid leave of absence for a couple of weeks?
 
 
Congratulations on passing the visa process!   
 
 
Ray
 
 

[InnocentVixen]

congrats mambo, if you really can't take time off work I think it's important you explain all those little things Ray mentioned so she can at least stay at home safely, she might be a bit shy about things at first so don't pressure her to do too much as soon as she arrives if she is not ready, however I agree the ESL should be done as soon as possible since she will probably make friends there, find someone to talk to in spanish and help her figure out how things work by talking to people that have already adapted to a new country.

Why is not safe to talk to strangers (especially men) on the street, or even to smile at them in a friendly manner?

I wonder about that myself, I've had the chance to work in the tourism industry and have often heard comments from foreign people saying how friendly we are in Mexico and about how everyone smiles... Why is it not safe to smile or talk to strangers over there?

[mambocowboy]

Thanks for the feedback. She has never lived outside Barranquilla and knows very little about the United States. I've got some planning to do between now and mid May, that's for sure...I've been so focused on trying to get the VISA; it's time to focus on some very basic practical day to day concerns, including her safety...

[Ray]

I wonder about that myself, I've had the chance to work in the tourism industry and have often heard comments from foreign people saying how friendly we are in Mexico and about how everyone smiles... Why is it not safe to smile or talk to strangers over there?

　
Good question IV.
　
I smile at strangers/foreign visitors all the time and most people here probably do also.
　
However, when a woman is out alone, there are many sicko men out there who are constantly on the hunt for women. They don’t really care whether she is wearing a wedding ring or not. About all they can think of is sex, sex, sex and the conquest of another women. Some of these men are extremely dangerous and they will invariably take a friendly smile or willingness to engage in conversation from an unaccompanied woman as an invitation to make a move on her.
　
Unless you want strange men of questionable intentions making passes at you or following you home, it’s better to simply ignore them when you are alone and vulnerable. I would advise not to even make eye contact with them because even that may be interpreted as a sign that you are available.
　
Not all men you meet in public are dangerous or have evil intentions, but you should be aware that there are a good number of the bad ones out there and consider the risks to your personal safety.
　
Ray
　

[Ray]

 
Hey mambo,
　
Does your fiancée read English well?
 
If you want her to have a clearer picture of what life in your hometown is like, try sending her a copy of the Sunday edition of the L.A. Times. She can read all of the bad, the good, and the ugly about L.A., including everything from the local crime reports, the latest ladies’ fashions, the cost of panties on sale at K-Mart, the cost of food and real estate, to the prevalent political opinions of the day.
 
I'm not sure if they also have a comprehensive Spanish edition(?)
 
　
Ray
　

[Jeff S]

I agree with others, you need to spend some time with her here to get her acclimated. You may think a couple of days are enough, but they're not, not at all. I'd suggest that you do whatever you can to spend at least a week, maybe two with her. If it were IV or BG who have both spent time in the US, know how to speak English, take public transportation, and have traveled away from home, it's one thing, but for a girl who's never been away from home, the adjustment period is going to be both difficult and lengthy. I agree with Ray, do whatever it takes to spend at least a couple weeks with her. They say any adjustment period takes three weeks at least. I'm not saying you have to spend every minute of three weeks with her, but she'll feel like she's completely out of her element for three weeks at least. It's your call how much of a safety net you need to be during that time.

[mambocowboy]

I agree I need to take some time off work. This is by far the biggest transition she's ever had to deal with...She doesn't read English well, another reason the English classes are essential. The language barrier is something that's going to be very challenging initially; she won't be able to understand the majority of what people are saying, ask for directions, and will need my help....I will say, though, after skyping with her  tonight it's best I not verbalize my fears for her safety to her. She had a terrified look on her face when I mentioned it and I don't want to create more anxiety for her.  If I mention anything of my safety concerns to her parents they'll be none too happy even though I'm buying them a computer to skype with her...I've got alot to do before she gets here...

[InnocentVixen]

Yes don't get her paranoid! I don't know what kind of personality she has but that probably will affect as much as the fact that it's the biggest change of her life so far, is she eager and excited about new things and change? if so you might want to tell her to slow down and that there is plenty of time to see everything out there, if it's the opposite then reassure her so she is able to relax and get used to her surroundings.


I must say that even if she was a girl like BG or myself there is so many little things we need guidance with, true we will probably adapt faster but being patient and never take anything for granted, little knowledge is a dangerous thing sometimes!


Ray thanks for the reply, it makes sense but it doesn't sound much different from Mexico (and from what BG told me Brazil as well) my approach is to be as friendly as possible and if I see a guy that looks scary paying too much attention to me I will pretend to be absorbed looking for something in my purse or start texting and that usually works, for not so scary looking ones that might catch me off guard sometimes and they are asking something before I know it, I just try to give a quick friendly reply if possible mentioning my boyfriend... even when I don't have one... and move from the area, I guess I have been lucky and haven't found a stalkerish type, compared to my country they all seem pretty harmless really, men are very forward and insistent over here.


I do try to avoid eye contact but I must admit that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, it is not natural to me but I have learned that depending on the place sometimes you don't have to worry too much about it, because even if you are looking everyone else seems to be more interested in staring their shoes or phone!

[fathertime]

Ok guys, my Barranquillera fiancee's VISA was approved yesterday in Bogota (I didn't go due to work obligations and was very fortunate that she was able to follow through with her end of things). (She arrived at the embassy at 5am and though her interview time was scheduled for 7:30am they made her wait till 11:30am for the interview). Long story short, she is a very special woman to me and I'm fortunate to have her in my life...At any rate, though I haven't bought a plane ticket for her yet I'm thinking about flying her here the second weekend in May (unfortunately no work holidays around that time). My question, especially for those of you who have brought a wife to the States, is how much time off work do you suggest taking, if any. I don't have family  in town to help her adjust. I work 8 hours a day Monday-Friday and can take a day or two off (to take more it's expected a give more advance notice, yes, my work environment is fairly uptight)...Interested to hear advice on this. Thanks.

hi mambocowboy,
esl classes are a good idea, i think...


well i'd try to call in a few favors and take as much time as possible off or 1/2 days. if you can...


introduce her to your friends that you want her to meet...if you can get her socializing with other americans that help her transition....if she likes to get out and you are not going to be around during the day, maybe get her a gym pass if one is close enough to walk/bike to.


good luck
Fathertime! 

[robert angel]

I know you see the importance of taking some time off from work. Presenting that to your boss in the right way will likely make a difference. It'd take a real hard nosed boss not to give you leave to get married.
 
Meanwhile, networking--asking around town about Spanish focused groups, churches, activities etc., might yield some female friends to keep her more busy when you're working. Whitey's lovely wife does volunteer work and they have a circle of Colombian friends they've met where they live in Canada. She's from Baranquiila as well. English lessons are usually a very good idea.

[Jhengsman]

 
Hey mambo,
　
Does your fiancée read English well?
 
If you want her to have a clearer picture of what life in your hometown is like, try sending her a copy of the Sunday edition of the L.A. Times. She can read all of the bad, the good, and the ugly about L.A., including everything from the local crime reports, the latest ladies’ fashions, the cost of panties on sale at K-Mart, the cost of food and real estate, to the prevalent political opinions of the day.
 
I'm not sure if they also have a comprehensive Spanish edition(?)
 
　
Ray
　

They had a weekend edition [font=georgia, 'times new roman', times, serif]Hoy Fin de Semana. I am not sure how much local coverage you will get from the LA Times, they cover too large an area and the editors seem to prefer to cover Washington and then Sacramento over Downtown LA, much less the smaller neighborhoods and suburbs. A neighborhood throw away would be better for that[/font]