Colombian Cupid Case Study

[benjio]

I really gotta get back down to Cali, ASAP!

[mudd]

sounds like somebody might have  a "reputation" in cali and  now has to resort to internet  dating to find new women...... hum,  seems awful similar to the gringos i know in medellin who live there,hahahaha . sorry couldnt resist lol


dont know calipros situation, but seems funny that a guy living in cali would use cupid to find women.

[Calipro]

sounds like somebody might have  a "reputation" in cali and  now has to resort to internet  dating to find new women...... hum,  seems awful similar to the gringos i know in medellin who live there,hahahaha . sorry couldnt resist lol


dont know calipros situation, but seems funny that a guy living in cali would use cupid to find women.

My opinion of Colombian Cupid is that you can easily find young chicks open to dating an older gringo but the quality is definitely lower than what you can pick up when you are out and about..... and the overall chances of hooking up are much greater when you meet in person.  Much, much easier to seduce a woman in person than online. jajajaja


At any rate you are welcome to write any on the women that responded to me.....I mean if they liked any old gringo like me than they would probably love......well maybe not.....best to use Colombian Cupid to network rather than find a date IMHO.

[V_Man]

I've never done the skype/webcam thing but I'm a sucker for love and I could see myself falling for a pretty, sweet girl who fell asleep exhuasted from skyping with me all night. 

I'm a sucker for how affectionate and sexy they are in person.

[beginthebeguin]

And I'm a gringo sucker fish. jajajjajajaja
http://www.carpron.com/multisite/v/Upload/goixoye/FM3/gringo+sucker+fish.jpg.html

[Frank Rizzo]

what means when they says...i thought all the gringos are the old mans... they are like the 50 and like the grandpas...


... they have the wrinkles on the eyes.... and the hard face???  i no understands?

[braziliangirl]

And I'm a gringo sucker fish. jajajjajajaja
http://www.carpron.com/multisite/v/Upload/goixoye/FM3/gringo+sucker+fish.jpg.html

That's scary, BTB. 

[InnocentVixen]

Geez guys, you make colombianas sound like such a wonderful *ahem* wife material.

[benjio]

Geez guys, you make colombianas sound like such a wonderful *ahem* wife material.

LOL!!!!
 
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost. There are actually more attractive women (in a wider variety) in Brazil, but it's extremely expensive to travel and stay there...not to mention the visa requirments that some gringos just aren't willing to deal with.
 
I've also seen A LOT of very attractive women in Mexico and Honduras as well, and I would say that both countries are on average cheaper than traveling to and staying in a major Colombian city. But strolling down the street in Villahermosa, Guadalajara or Monterrey doesn't even come close to doing the same in Barranquilla, Cali or Pereira. And I haven't even been to Medellin, which supposedly blows every other city in Colombia out of the water in terms of available beautiful women.
 
This is the one of the only two reasons I've been able to come up with for why gringos continue to flock to Colombia to wife hunt. The other is most guys just aren't willing to partake in the adventure of travelling off the beaten gringo path. But each time I do, I'm always very pleasantly surprised.

[fathertime]

Geez guys, you make colombianas sound like such a wonderful *ahem* wife material.

LOL!!!!
 
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S.

I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them.  As a man married to a Colombian lady, pulled right from the homeland, I gotta just giggle at this silliness and ‘can’t do’ attitude.   If a lady is having difficulty adapting, then you as the man/husband help her until she does.  If she doesn’t adapt, it is the man/husbands fault as much as the lady’s fault if not more.  That is the attitude the man needs to have, if you don’t have that attitude than it is best you don’t get involved.  I’d say a relatively small percentage of men are up to that task, there certainly can be degree of difficulty involved and it is much easier to just bounce from
woman to woman.

*Competence issue can inability to choose a suitable lady for marriage, or lack of patience within a marriage, or just not being good husband material*...among many other possibilities. 
Fathertime! 

[benjio]

FT, before getting into this with you again, I'd like to ask you four questions. A couple I've asked you on numerous other occasions in different threads but you declined to answer.
 
1. On the page of the link below, Jamie writes his opinion on some of the worse traits of Colombian Women. You follow up with a post that says, "Jamie brings up a lot valid points, no doubt!"
 
http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=6887.msg97212#msg97212

Would you please elaborate on the points Jamie made that you think were "valid."

2. How many cities have you been to in Colombia?
3. What is the total time you've spent in Colombia?
4. How many women from Colombia have you dated?

[fathertime]

FT, before getting into this with you again, I'd like to ask you four questions. A couple I've asked you on numerous other occasions in different threads but you declined to answer.
 
1. On the page of the link below, Jamie writes his opinion on some of the worse traits of Colombian Women. You follow up with a post that says, "Jamie brings up a lot valid points, no doubt!"
 
http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=6887.msg97212#msg97212

Would you please elaborate on the points Jamie made that you think were "valid."

2. How many cities have you been to in Colombia?
3. What is the total time you've spent in Colombia?
4. How many women from Colombia have you dated?

I'm just not all that interested in answering your questions but I will to indulge you and move the conversation forward.


3. been to 3 cities
4. 14-15 weeks over around 12-13 trips
5.  didn't count dates but quite a few...lots of nice gals


Jamie makes lots of valid points, within the context of the thread he is commenting on and I often agree with some of what he says and not as much with other parts.  I'm not disagreeing/agreeing with Jamie on this particular thread so if YOU have something to say, just go ahead and make the particular point and we will see where it takes the discussion. 


ok now lets hear what you have to say about the years you have spent in Colombia and the 100's of women you have dated,  and how important that is, in comparison to being involved in an actual marriage to a Colombiana in the states! 


Fathertime! 

[Jeff S]

LOL!!!!
 
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost. There are actually more attractive women (in a wider variety) in Brazil, but it's extremely expensive to travel and stay there...not to mention the visa requirments that some gringos just aren't willing to deal with.
 
I've also seen A LOT of very attractive women in Mexico and Honduras as well, and I would say that both countries are on average cheaper than traveling to and staying in a major Colombian city. But strolling down the street in Villahermosa, Guadalajara or Monterrey doesn't even come close to doing the same in Barranquilla, Cali or Pereira. And I haven't even been to Medellin, which supposedly blows every other city in Colombia out of the water in terms of available beautiful women.
 
This is the one of the only two reasons I've been able to come up with for why gringos continue to flock to Colombia to wife hunt. The other is most guys just aren't willing to partake in the adventure of travelling off the beaten gringo path. But each time I do, I'm always very pleasantly surprised.

I know that finding the best looking woman at the lowest possible cost was pretty high on my list of priorities when I was looking for the one person who I wanted to partner up with and share the rest of my life.


 

[benjio]

I repeat, I need you to elaborate on which of Jamie's points you think are valid, because in my opinion what you posted in response to my post ideally disagrees with almost everything Jamie wrote, while what he wrote would be in support of my argument. I'm just trying to establish this is not a personal thing with you, but an intelligent discussion. So please quote the statements in Jamie's post that you think were "valid points."

And by the way, I've never said I've spent years in Colombia, nor have I ever stated I've dated hundreds of women. I do however think you trying to discount the importance of those two variables because you haven't done much of either lame. We're talking about wife hunting here, not maintaining a marriage.

[fathertime]

I repeat, I need you to elaborate on which of Jamie's points you think are valid, because in my opinion what you posted in response to my post ideally disagrees with almost everything Jamie wrote, while what he wrote would be in support of my argument. I'm just trying to establish this is not a personal thing with you, but an intelligent discussion. So please quote the statements in Jamie's post that you think were "valid points."

And by the way, I've never said I've spent years in Colombia, nor have I ever stated I've dated hundreds of women. I do however think you trying to discount the importance of those two variables because you haven't done much of either lame. We're talking about wife hunting here, not maintaining a marriage.

I have disagreed with what I feel is a naive opinion on this thread.   It is odd to drag Jamie’s posts/feelings  into this thread.  If you don’t feel you can defend your statement or dispel mine, then that is your decision, I’ve made my point, which to repeat  is as follows: 
 
I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them. 
 
If you would like to disagree with that point and state why then feel free to do so. It is not THAT big a deal to just state your case is it?

 We're talking about wife hunting here, not maintaining a marriage.

You say you are not talking about marriage now but here is what you said in the post in question ON THIS THREAD:

 
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S. But out of all of the countries I've been to in Latin America, in my opinion Colombia offers the highest percentage of exceptionally attractive women for the lowest traveling cost. 

You are clearly talking about potential wives in that statement.  I'm only busting your chops here a little bit because it appears you are making conflicting and unsupported statements.   

Fathertime! [size=78%] [/size]

[Zon]

Benjio seems like a good guy to me.  And, I understand where Calipro is coming from.  AND, many other good guys that have never come to this board.


However, FT makes a good point about a man being able, or unable, to make the glue stick.  It is true ... most of the good guys I have met in my travels are somewhat, or very, selfish.  It is a natural result of a successful modern life.   And, it is not without it's disadvantages.   


I thank my EX of 13 years for giving me HUGE patients.   Although I may have acted selfishly in some cases too, at least I understand the other side - with all its faults AND rewards.


The bottom line is that most men do not meet a Colombian woman that BOWLS THEM OVER and makes them want to change.

[Frank Rizzo]

but me no understands...what means... .. you almost 50 and you grandpa??  strange no?

[JasonA]

Calipro-  Kino escalate?  You been reading 'The Game'?   

[Researcher]

I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them.  As a man married to a Colombian lady, pulled right from the homeland, I gotta just giggle at this silliness and ‘can’t do’ attitude.   If a lady is having difficulty adapting, then you as the man/husband help her until she does.  If she doesn’t adapt, it is the man/husbands fault as much as the lady’s fault if not more.  That is the attitude the man needs to have, if you don’t have that attitude than it is best you don’t get involved.  I’d say a relatively small percentage of men are up to that task, there certainly can be degree of difficulty involved and it is much easier to just bounce from
woman to woman.

*Competence issue can inability to choose a suitable lady for marriage, or lack of patience within a marriage, or just not being good husband material*...among many other possibilities. 
Fathertime! 

    Excellent post and spot on!! hehehe!

    I really don't see how guys can judge a woman's ability to adapt to another country. Just like FT says it isn't all on the lady to adjust. My wife is an intelligent woman and has adapted well but her success in adapting is just as much credited to myself, or at least I believe it is. Since I lived in another country and experienced culture shock and adapting myself I had much empathy for my wife. I also had plenty of ideas to help her. So it isn't all on the lady to adapt. Of course she needs to be willing and do her part but the man needs to do his part as well.

       During my years travelling I ran across other guys who had soured on AWs and I wondered if it was really the women's fault or if the guy was just as much the problem. To have a successful relationship one has to look in the mirror and take a good honest look. I always reflected on past relationships and tried to see where I fell short and how I could improve. Again, it isn't all on the lady.


      Researcher

[Calipro]

Calipro-  Kino escalate?  You been reading 'The Game'?   

I read "The Game" so many years ago I can't remember when....I think "kino escalate" is a very common term anymore.....I would consider it mainstream.


I am meeting up with a fairly well know pick up artist while he is in Cali....should be entertaining to say the least....especially in high en venues where everyone is in their groups and cold approaches are not all that common. I personally have never had any real success at breaking into groups without the help of other very attractive women.


A hot wing woman will do wonders for your social life here in Cali.

[benjio]

"You say you are not talking about marriage now but here is what you said in the post in question ON THIS THREAD:

You are clearly talking about potential wives in that statement.  I'm only busting your chops here a little bit because it appears you are making conflicting and unsupported statements.    "

I'm speaking about potential, not actual. IMHO there is a huge dissimilarity between the two. Are you suggesting there should be no difference in the way a man approaches the process of looking for a wife as supposed to actually being married? If a board member were to post here asking for advice on what to do about his Colombian Girlfriend of two weeks asking for money, are you saying the advice you would give him wouldn't be different from the advice you'd give a board member that was already married and experiencing the same thing? I'm VERY well aware that marriage requires a level of patience, understanding and hard work. However, I do not think the same level of patience and understanding should be applied when a man is dating someone. A red flag is a red flag. A man and a woman that are not compatible probably won't ever be compatible just because one or both of them are patient enough to tolerate their irreconcilable differences. Emotionally, mentally and logically...American Men and Colombian Women are two very different creatures.
 
Correct me if I'm wrong, because perhaps we are not in disagreement at all, but I think your opinion of how gringos should approach dating in Colombia is, as you stated, "naive." This is a direct result of your lack of experience with dating women in Colombia. This is why more often than not your opinion is contrary to that of men that have much more experience than you in terms of living and dating there. I'm well aware you are happy with your wife now, and I'm assuming she is happy with you; but I don't think you realize how lucky you are to have found someone you are truly compatable with (if that's actually the case). That is not a simple task to say the least; and it is further complicated by distance, an initial language barrier, a difference in cultures...the list goes on and on.
 

I’m convinced that it is a certain segment of the men doing the traveling that have the competence issue *in one form or another*, and then go on to complain about the Colombian ladies, in order to justify their position about them.


What are these "competence issues" exactly? I can only logically assume you were referring to me because you replied to my post in this thread and you've replied to past posts of mine concerning the same conflict in a similar manner. You speak as if anyone that has not accomplished what you have has no one to blame but themselves; when in my opinion if a man knows exactly what he wants, and simply has not found it yet, it has nothing to do with shortcomings on his part. He's just still searching.
 
I'm absolutely sure I've dated many more women than you in Colombia. I've spent much more time there, and I've been many more places. I have never once said there are not good women there. It is however my opinion they are difficult to find, and when you include the variable of compatibility it complicates things even further. I've dated many spectacular women there, but in the end, for one reason or another, we simply weren't compatible. I believe my ability to realize this and move on instead of trying to force something to work is an asset, not any level of incompetence. It has absolutely nothing to do with my own shortcomings. It's because I know exactly what I want and I won't settle for anything less than that. Does that in some way make me incompetent in your opinion?
 
I have repeatedly brought up Jamie's post from that thread because he provides a very good description of a problem that's common amongst Colombianas...especially along the coast. Does that make them bad women? GOODNESS NO!! Can those characteristics be detrimental to the success of a marriage to a gringo? Most definitely!!! My point is it's better for gringos to approach this process very cautiously. Do not allow the beauty, free spirits and passion of these women to make you forget about the importance of compatibility and the fact that eventually she will have to navigate a HUGE change in her life. The lack of a Colombiana's ability to adjust to life in the U.S. has absolutely nothing to do with the competence level of the gringo that married her and brought her here.
 
I agree with you that once married, a man should certainly be as patient and as helpful as possible with helping their wife adjust to life here in the U.S. What you have failed to realize is there are a lot of Colombian Women that are incapable of making this adjustment (in my opinion, more that can't that those that can), and there are usually signs of this very early in a relationship. I suggest that men pay close attention to these personality traits and sincerely ask themselves whether or not they can be changed. Your response to my post suggests that most gringos that choose to end things because of these characteristics are in some way incompetent.
 
Another direct quote from Jamie's site, a man with more experience than anyone here with Colombian Women:
 
"Most Colombian women would not be suitable for you. However, even with the elimination of many there is still bounty to be found. If you select a foreign bride who can think and progress from your teachings and patience, you can live with their limitations, which will become smaller and smaller over time. A good man with clear objectives of what he wants can find a foreign bride with the kind of attributes most men would not be able to find domestically."

[fathertime]

    Excellent post and spot on!! hehehe!
 

oh-ooo   here we go again with the SPOT ON's.  I sense an Angel close by! 

    I really don't see how guys can judge a woman's ability to adapt to another country. Just like FT says it isn't all on the lady to adjust. My wife is an intelligent woman and has adapted well but her success in adapting is just as much credited to myself, or at least I believe it is. Since I lived in another country and experienced culture shock and adapting myself I had much empathy for my wife. I also had plenty of ideas to help her. So it isn't all on the lady to adapt. Of course she needs to be willing and do her part but the man needs to do his part as well.

       During my years travelling I ran across other guys who had soured on AWs and I wondered if it was really the women's fault or if the guy was just as much the problem. To have a successful relationship one has to look in the mirror and take a good honest look. I always reflected on past relationships and tried to see where I fell short and how I could improve. Again, it isn't all on the lady.


      Researcher

Of course I agree 4-square!  Some guys have the habit of focusing and recounting all the 'faults' of the ladies, when really it is their faults that travel with them wherever they go and thwart them!  It is nice to see that Zonny is finally REALLY taking a look at himself a little more critically, just like you and I did when we were in the hunt!   


I figure that many of the ladies that were interested in meeting me, were good marital material, if I did not pursue them that was my personal decision, and not necessarily a negative for them.  Of course there were also a percentage of ladies that I felt were in this for the wrong reasons, but that is expected and they are usually easy to identify if a man has experience/judgement.


Fathertime!

[fathertime]

I'm absolutely sure I've dated many more women than you in Colombia. I've spent much more time there, and I've been many more places.

I was chuckling to myself/waiting for you to puff up your 'credentials' as if your posts should be unquestioned and given additional weight, because you have 'dated' 100 Colombian women.  You have never married, or taken a Colombian lady to the states, so you have locked into an immature state of being, for an extended stay at Disneyland.  Probably not much more than an enhanced strip joint experience.       
  Now after all these time with what should be a great experience you come up with this dismissive and arrogant statement about the Colombian ladies: 

LOL!!!!
 
IV, as much time as I've spent there, I've ran across very few Colombianas that have the combination of being great wife material and have enough of an adaptive nature to function independently here in the U.S.

Somebody has sold you on the idea that these ladies aren't going to be good wives, because clearly you don't have the real experience to say.  I suggest you take a look at yourself a little more closely and your expectations and really figure out what it is that is important. As you long as you continue to believe/give off that vibe in the above quote, you will only attract ladies you find substandard because most of the good ones will politely excuse themselves.   I get the sense that marriage is not very important to you, and that is the reason why you are making such statements. 






Regarding men being competent.   Here is what I said: *Competence issue can inability to choose a suitable lady for marriage, or lack of patience within a marriage, or just not being good husband material*...among many other possibilities. 
[/size]
[/size]You seem to be dealing with not being able to find that PERFECT woman for you and seem to think that you have to have this perfection.  I say that is an excuse to continue to do what you are doing...there are lots of attractive woman that would be willing to adapt, FOR THE RIGHT MAN with the reasonably good attitude.   

[/size]Fathertime! 

[Zon]

You have never married, or taken a Colombian lady to the states, so you have locked into an immature state of being, for an extended stay at Disneyland.  Probably not much more than an enhanced strip joint experience. 

FT - I have come to see your posts and perspective in a different light.   I understand more why you are proud of your accomplishment of finding , AND marrying AND bringing a woman to the USA AND going through that obviously challenging transition AND having children (which is a book of challenges unto themselves).   You really seem to have committed yourself, and that everything is going OK.  And that is SUPER.


But, there is a strong tendency here, and even among Colombianos that anybody who LIKES and LIVES in Colombia is looking for drugs and womEN (play things).   


It is not so cut and dry.  I have spent time in Colombia just being "lonely" ... working from an apartment, just getting along and learning a new language and culture SLOWLY - it is not ALL fun and games.  You can spot the foreigners who only on a party binge a mile away.  (It aint pretty.  I know of two guys that died in the last year.   Colombia is no place for people with addictions).   


Having said that, Colombia has MUCH to offer, and after one makes a sizable investment in the culture and learning Spanish, a whole new world of possibilities begin to open up.  The place unfolds, and you see thing MUCH DIFFERENTLY than in the beginning.  ( M4 ... don't jump on me for not knowing EVERYTHING and being Colombian.  I know my vision remains partial).   One of the things I have noticed, and it jibes with Benjio, is HOW TRULY DIFFICULT it is for a gringo to find a well meaning woman from a good family that is able to adapt to a modern life and that is suitable for marriage.   Looks are mightily deceiving.    That does not mean one CAN NOT do it.  It is just difficult. 


Now, FT, I compliment you for your singularity of purpose.  Evidentally, several years ago you decided to go find a wife and have a family.  I hope she is SMOKIN HOT and you are both happy, and your kids smart and bilingual LOL  But, I really think you got more than a little lucky too.   How many days did you spend in Colombia before you found your wife?  How many days did you know your wife, in real life, and live together, before she came to the USA? 


I realize now more than I did 12 months ago, or 12 months before that ... "most" of the people I met without knowing Spanish and in party settings or shopping settings were looking for some type of advantage from me.   I see that the people I meet in Colombia nowadays are slow to form judgments about me, and trust in me  ... and I am slow to form judgments and trust them too!

[fathertime]

FT - I have come to see your posts and perspective in a different light.   I understand more why you are proud of your accomplishment of finding , AND marrying AND bringing a woman to the USA AND going through that obviously challenging transition AND having children (which is a book of challenges unto themselves).   You really seem to have committed yourself, and that everything is going OK.  And that is SUPER.


But, there is a strong tendency here, and even among Colombianos that anybody who LIKES and LIVES in Colombia is looking for drugs and womEN (play things).   


It is not so cut and dry.  I have spent time in Colombia just being "lonely" ... working from an apartment, just getting along and learning a new language and culture SLOWLY - it is not ALL fun and games.  You can spot the foreigners who only on a party binge a mile away.  (It aint pretty.  I know of two guys that died in the last year.   Colombia is no place for people with addictions).   


Having said that, Colombia has MUCH to offer, and after one makes a sizable investment in the culture and learning Spanish, a whole new world of possibilities begin to open up.  The place unfolds, and you see thing MUCH DIFFERENTLY than in the beginning.  ( M4 ... don't jump on me for not knowing EVERYTHING and being Colombian.  I know my vision remains partial).   One of the things I have noticed, and it jibes with Benjio, is HOW TRULY DIFFICULT it is for a gringo to find a well meaning woman from a good family that is able to adapt to a modern life and that is suitable for marriage.   Looks are mightily deceiving.    That does not mean one CAN NOT do it.  It is just difficult. 


Now, FT, I compliment you for your singularity of purpose.  Evidentally, several years ago you decided to go find a wife and have a family.  I hope she is SMOKIN HOT and you are both happy, and your kids smart and bilingual LOL  But, I really think you got more than a little lucky too.   How many days did you spend in Colombia before you found your wife?  How many days did you know your wife, in real life, and live together, before she came to the USA? 


I realize now more than I did 12 months ago, or 12 months before that ... "most" of the people I met without knowing Spanish and in party settings or shopping settings were looking for some type of advantage from me.   I see that the people I meet in Colombia nowadays are slow to form judgments about me, and trust in me  ... and I am slow to form judgments and trust them too!

Well old Zonny, I don’t really see it as luck (although I am lucky)…There is a lot of work involved every step of the way and I’ve been cheerfully willing to do what I’ve needed to.   Maybe I’ve been rewarded more than I deserve. 
   I’ve said this before, but during my time in Colombia, from my perspective there was an abundance of outstanding ladies…now those same ladies I found to be exceptional, YOU might say they sucked…for one minor reason or another.  I’m convinced that many people who live in, or travel extensively to Colombia have made themselves unfit for marriage themselves.  That is a generality, with obvious exceptions.   To be earnest, based on your posts, until very recently I think you were probably in that category!     The tendency seems to be that the ladies are blamed, when I’m convinced that it is the men who lack the fortitude and/or commitment to take a woman by storm for marriage.    I just think it is WEAK to start blaming almost an entire country full of women.   My feeling is MEN should be mostly blaming themselves, except in  genuine extenuating circumstances. 


Fathertime!