Moral Dilemma?

[sticky2]

I have a friend who is a single father, raising his 14 year old daughter by himself here in the USA.  He is a cool guy in his late 30's, and he has a business that nets him about $9,000 per month that he can run from anywhere in the world.  He has spent time in Colombia and has come to the conclusion that he wants to move there to soak in the culture and even find a wife and create a new family and life in South America.


He now says that he has a moral dilemma.  The 2nd biggest reason women in South America want gringos (reason #1 being a way out of poverty), is the claim that Colombian men are terrible dogs, and treat their women horribly, and almost all of the men have women on the side, etc, etc....


So here is his moral dilemma, if he moves himself out of the USA and into a candyland of dating in Colombia,  is he putting his daughter (who would go with him) in a bad position?  She would grow up in a country where the men are known for treating their women horribly.


And come on guys, don't turn this into a thread about defending the virtues of the Colombian man, we all know that there are some good guys in Colombia, but GENERALLY speaking, I think he has a legitimate moral dilemma.


Also, because of the need to keep his daughter in school, he can't just go back an forth as he pleases.  The daughter needs stability, so the move would have to be pretty permanent.

What would you do?  If you had $9,000/month of income where you could live anywhere in the world, would you move to Colombia as a single father of a 14 year old girl?  Remember, if he waits until she is off to college at 19 years old, he will then be in his 40's instead of his 30's, and he really doesn't want to be 42 and single.


What would you do?


Sticky

[JimD]

Well he should be aware that 14 is the age of consent in Colombia so if his daughter is cute there's a fair chance she'll get knocked up by some Colombian chico.

[Bob_S]

If it's truly a bad environment for his daughter, there is no true moral dilemma.  You don't go.  Period.  What it comes down to is, are you (the general you, not you specifically) such a d!*k that you would sacrifice your own child on the altar of your libido.  And any guy like that really should do their own child and the world a favor and eat a bullet.

But more likely, when you as an American (or Brit or Aussie or whatever) move to a foreign country, your child won't attend the local schools for the local citizens.  Instead they will attend an international school with other expat children where they will live in a kind of secure bubble and not interact with the local hound dogs trying to put the make on them.  And when they turn 18, they will be off to a college back in their home country.

So the real dilemma is, will he be able to make enough to send his child to an international school along with all the other expats.  THAT will determine whether or not he can afford to make the move.

And better decide quick, because at 14 she will be starting high school soon.

*spelling correction*

[V_Man]

It is no moral dilemma. She will go to an international school and live in a semi bubble and probably go to university in her home country.

She will grow up learning another culture and another language provided Dad does not keep her in the bubble. She will be vastly better off as a worldly person than 99% of her peers in her home country. She will develop life skills and an appreciation of the world that most of her peers back home will never grasp.

Colombian men will be low on his list of things to worry about.
If she dates some Colombian men later in life and finds that they cheat she has the option to move to her home country. She isn't restricted to Colombianos.

If the environment becomes unsafe then he is going to move back to his home country with her anyway. That's obvious.

Do you think young men in his home state are saints?

Girls being raisied by solo fathers are the least likey to have a teenage pregancy and also less likely to experience a whole host of negative outcomes. I am guessing that she is going to have good chances of a positive life regardless of where he takes her.

Not only that but she will grow up seeing how it is possible to have a stable give and take relationship where family is extremely important, rather than being brain washed by feminism.

What moral dilemma?

[Kiltboy1]

My daughter is 15 and I would never do that to her.If he is so well off that he can live anywhere, he should wait until his daughter enters college in 5 years and then go make his life over. He very well may be unhappy with women here in America, but his daughter might be very happy with her life here , friends, school , ect. Very selfish of him if he thinks only of his happiness.
 
KB

[stnmasn]

To me it is inconceivable to consider moving your 14 year old daughter to Colombia when she is entering perhaps the most difficult and confusing time in her young life. Just because you want to chase women. Doesn't she deserve the stability and comfort of her own culture, surroundings and people, not to mention her extended family and friends.

To want to be single in the dating candyland obviously takes a back seat to the importance of doing what is "best" for your daughter. It would be an injustice to do something  that drastic to ones daughter especially at such an important point in her growth and development.  This is a selfish line of thought ...so what if you cant move till you are 42...you can still find what you are looking for down there at that age. And you can always travel there. whenever you want by sounds of it...you can even bring daughter along for some worldly education.


I have a hard time understanding how she would be "vastly better off" as a worldly person than her peers in her native country by moving to Colombia. Are the schools that much better down there? How would she receive this worldly enlightenment? Does growing up in an third world country give one an edge on the rest of us?

Still there are many Dogs  in the USA also...and being here doesn't mean she wont get knocked up at 16 or have an abusive boyfriend. Fathers got to watch out for their daughters the world over. Thank goodness i got a son.

[robert angel]

Kids, boy or girl from age 12 to about age 16, tend to change in numerous ways, regardless of how good and grounded they may seem. It can really get exasperating and if there's a divorce and/or a major move to another locale in the picture, it can make a difficult situation worse. Unless you're military, in which case the kids sort of know it comes with the territory, any major move or life change will have repercussions.

[mudd]

To me it is inconceivable to consider moving your 14 year old daughter to Colombia when she is entering perhaps the most difficult and confusing time in her young life. Just because you want to chase women. Doesn't she deserve the stability and comfort of her own culture, surroundings and people, not to mention her extended family and friends. To want to be single in the dating candyland obviously takes a back seat to the importance of doing what is "best" for your daughter. It would be an injustice to do something  that drastic to ones daughter especially at such an important point in her growth and development.  This is a selfish line of thought ...so what if you cant move till you are 42...you can still find what you are looking for down there at that age. And you can always travel there. whenever you want by sounds of it...you can even bring daughter along for some worldly education.I have a hard time understanding how she would be "vastly better off" as a worldly person than her peers in her native country by moving to Colombia. Are the schools that much better down there? How would she receive this worldly enlightenment? Does growing up in an third world country give one an edge on the rest of us? Still there are many Dogs  in the USA also...and being here doesn't mean she wont get knocked up at 16 or have an abusive boyfriend. Fathers got to watch out for their daughters the world over. Thank goodness i got a son.

stnmasn,i totaly agree.  i have a 15 year old daughter and 19 year old son, shared custody, but i can relate, even if i had full custody, i would not in a million years think about myself 1st, taking my daughter to a foreign country, just so i could " meet" women. lets face it, the guy wants to chase women and drag his daughter along with him, and thats really sad. Being a teenager these days is difficult enough and then this guy wants to put her in a foreign country, with no friends, no life, no security, and i have no idea  if she knows spanish, heaven forbid she doesnt and this does happen.


this friend of sticky need to grow up and be a parent 1st and a skirt chaser later, he can always move after she is out of high school, just my opinion.

[Alabamaboy!]

My daughter is 15 and I would never do that to her.If he is so well off that he can live anywhere, he should wait until his daughter enters college in 5 years and then go make his life over. He very well may be unhappy with women here in America, but his daughter might be very happy with her life here , friends, school , ect. Very selfish of him if he thinks only of his happiness.
 
KB

I agree with KB. At that age he just needs to wait a few years and his daughter will be in school in the US and he can then go to Colombia and do as he pleases with his daughter in a relatively safe environment.

After seeing what I have seen and talking to a lot of Colombian guys, of all socioeconomic strata, I would not bring my daughter to Colombia. When I am hanging out with younger, single Colombianos there in BAQ, they are getting drunk as hell and asking me why I would want to come there and date Colombian women, because it is their dream to date a gringa, and the more the better!!!

[fschmidt]

The worst country in which to raise a daughter is America because she will almost certainly grow up to be a spoiled bitch like other American women.  So of course he should move to Colombia.

[beginthebeguin]

So, he's in a quandry. If he goes to Colombia to find a good wife and a substitute mother for his daughter he runs the risk of alienating her forever and and if he stays here, she grows up believing in the lies extolled by the Feminist Manifesto, then he runs the risk of alienating her anyway. Sounds like a lose-lose situation to me.

[Ray]

The worst country in which to raise a daughter is America because she will almost certainly grow up to be a spoiled bitch like other American women.  So of course he should move to Colombia.

 
Gee, that's funny.
 
 
I raised three daughters in the USA and no spoiled American bitches here.
 
 
There is obviously something wrong with your parenting skills...   
 
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Gato4Astrid]

What a selfish thought!!

[vikingo]

With that kind of income he could afford to sent her to a convent in Switzerland, she'll come out untouched and have learned three new languages, French, German and Italian, no Spanish, sorry.
I mean, come on guy's, somebody is going to get to her in the next year or two while dad keeps thinking all along she is still a virgin, it's the peer pressure in highschool she is going to sucomb to and she ain't telling. Every young girl has her dark secret, while her parents keep believing in her innocense.

[whitey]

First of all, kudos to the guy for raising his daughter.  Hopefully he's just thinking and fantasizing out loud, and not really planning to do this.

I wouldn't consider bringing my daughter to Colombia and away from her friends at this delicate point in her life.  It's only another 4 or 5 years until she goes to college - not long to wait.  For me Colombia is too dangerous to bring a young daughter to live - I'd be worried about her all the time.  I have my doubts that she would take too well to the culture.  I know my daughter wouldn't have liked it or been interested in starting over in another language ... but maybe that's just her.  By 14, she was pretty much set her ways by her mother and our culture already ... both the good and the bad.

Still, there are definitely some benefits to immersing yourself in other languages and cultures ... he could take her on trips to Colombia for a month or so during summer.  Now if it were a son, the lucky guy would probably have the time of his life!

[JimD]

 
 
There is obviously something wrong with your parenting skills...   
 
 
Ray

Fschmidt's said nothing about being a parent in his post. You're extrapolating. Anyway the principal reason this board exists is because a lot of men are profoundly dissatified with American women. You're a regular poster here seems like you would have caught that.
 

[JimD]

But more likely, when you as an American (or Brit or Aussie or whatever) move to a foreign country, your child won't attend the local schools for the local citizens.  Instead they will attend an international school with other expat children where they will live in a kind of secure bubble and not interact with the local...

That may be true in some countries but I've never heard of an "international school" in Cali, Colombia. There are however some very good (albeit expensive) private bilingual colegios (high schools) where a number of children of American parents including some I know personally attend school. In fact in the case of the original poster they are probobly far better schools than the daughter in question currently attends.
 
 
 

[Kiltboy1]

 
Gee, that's funny.
 
 
I raised three daughters in the USA and no spoiled American bitches here.
 
 
There is obviously something wrong with your parenting skills...   
 
 
 
Ray

AMEN RAY, AMEN !!!!!!!~

[fschmidt]

Fschmidt's said nothing about being a parent in his post.

Actually I am a parent with a daughter who is turning out rather well.  One of the reasons that I moved to El Paso is because the people and culture here are more Mexican than American.

Mexican and Colombian culture are far from perfect, but still better than American culture.  Modern culture is generally quite bad and this is a universal problem.  Parents who are concerned about this should consider joining a church/religion which has good values and encouraging their kids to be part of that community.  This is what I did in spite of being an atheist.

[robert angel]

Here's what I see in my area of the USA:
 

>>Between 1990 and 2005 most racial/ethnic groups showed a drop in teen birth rates. But for young Hispanic women, the teen birth rate nearly doubled (an increase of 98 percent) between 1990-2005. Young Hispanic women were four times as likely to give birth as young white women<<

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/component/content/article/635-georgias-youth-focus-on-sexual-and-reproductive-health

I don't think the figures for high school drop out rates, crime or substance abuse are too good either. The older Hispanics in most areas of the USA seem to be quite responsible, but there seem to be real issues with the age 12 to age 30 population in many areas.

[Bob_S]

That may be true in some countries but I've never heard of an "international school" in Cali, Colombia. There are however some very good (albeit expensive) private bilingual colegios (high schools) where a number of children of American parents including some I know personally attend school. In fact in the case of the original poster they are probobly far better schools than the daughter in question currently attends.

Private bilingual schools would be the international schools.  They must exist, whether you've heard of them or not.  They would be where the diplomats and foreign employees of multi-national corporations send their kids.  And, you're right, they would provide a far better education than most typical American schools because of the high expectations and demands of the foreign service workers and highly educated company employees.

I have a hard time understanding how she would be "vastly better off" as a worldly person than her peers in her native country by moving to Colombia. Are the schools that much better down there? How would she receive this worldly enlightenment? Does growing up in an third world country give one an edge on the rest of us?

In an international school, she would be better off because she would receive a better education than a typical American public school and would grow up with a much more open mind having been exposed not just to the local culture but to all the kids of diplomats and multi-national companies from a wide variety of countries.  And when she's grown, looking back on life for those trapped in Strata 1 & 2, she will much more appreciate what her home country has to offer and maybe be not so spoiled.

[V_Man]

Does growing up in an third world country give one an edge on the rest of us?

As an expat, the answer is yes.
I am speaking from a lot of experience here. Mine and many others.
Many guys have been very critical on here but most likely they are not speaking from experience.

I would be worried about her physical saftey in Cali versus her home town. That is a moral dilemma I think.

Also he needs to understand that higher education or not, she is going to want to return to her home country once she finishes school or for her last year of school. What is he going to do then?

[Ray]

Fschmidt's said nothing about being a parent in his post. You're extrapolating. Anyway the principal reason this board exists is because a lot of men are profoundly dissatified with American women. You're a regular poster here seems like you would have caught that.

　
I was going by what he has said in previous posts. I guess you just weren’t paying attention.
　
Sorry, but I don’t buy into this nonsense that girls raised in America are destined to grow up to be worthless spoiled bitches unless they are kept cloistered away in some remote religious sect, as fschmidt has been ranting about over the years. He seems to have a hatred of all American women that goes far beyond the norm.
　
I disagree that the primary reason this forum exists is because of the negative qualities of American women. I know it’s probably hard for you to fathom, but one can actually be attracted to foreign women without a deep down hatred of all American women.
　
Of all the females in my family, including my mother, sisters, daughters, nieces, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, etc., who all grew up in the midst of American culture, I can’t find a single spoiled rotten bitch. Amazing, isn’t it?
　
Ray
　

[JimD]

Private bilingual schools would be the international schools.  They must exist, whether you've heard of them or not.  They would be where the diplomats and foreign employees of multi-national corporations send their kids.

I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as an "international school" in Cali apart from the private bilingual schools I referenced but if you say they are one and the same then fine. It's possible there is a school geared to the children of foreign diplomats in Bogota because that's where all the embassies are. There was an American embassy in Cali back in the eighties I think but it's been closed for many years. At the moment there are only some consulates but not an American one yet. I have a number of foreign friends, American and European who work for CIAT which is probobly the largest multi-national company in Cali as far as number of foreign employees. Their kids attend private bilingual schools such as Colegio Jefferson for one.

[Researcher]

   The best place to raise a daughter is in the US. Here she will continue to be taught to be independent and self reliant moreso than just about anywhere. If I were in his shoes I would raise my daughter here. Now, when she became college age and was either away at college or on her own I would go to another country. Why? Because the US is a good place to raise a daughter but a lousy place to find a wife. Yes, I know that is a double standard but it is what it is. The US: Good place to raise a daughter, bad place to find a wife.

       Researcher