How long Did you search?

[tress]

Hello everyone, I'm relatively new to the forum and only seriously started me search for a mate a month ago. My question centers around just how long it took most of you to cut through all the potential candidates online and narrow down to just one? To be honest the process for me thus far has been frustrating at best... It just appears as though there are so many people chatting with so many others that a true connection is difficult to establish, and the ones that are established turn out to be less than ideal. I've been mostly focused in the Philippines thus far. Anyways I'd love to get some feedback on the matter... Thanks.

[Ray]

Hey tress,
 
In my case, I wasn't lookng or chatting online so there was no herd of women to sort through. A friend's Filipina wife introduced me to her cousin back in the Philippines and it took off from there.
 
You live in Vegas? There are a whole bunch of Filipinos in Las Vegas so maybe you could get to know a few and if they know you are considering a Filipina wife, they will introduce you to some relatives back home if they think you are a nice guy.
 
Searching online can be a tedious, time consuming process, but be patient and don't give up. While you are working that angle, you might try shopping some time at Seafood City or Manila Seafood and chat up some of the cashiers for tips.
 
 
 
 
Ray
 
 
 
 

[InnocentVixen]

I agree with Ray, online is not exactly ideal but sometimes we don't have much of a choice and there is always the chance of getting lucky so if this is your only option just be patient, write plenty, ask questions in different ways to make sure you are both on the same page.


You mention the connections you've managed are less than ideal, I would suggest you think about what this girls have in common and avoid it, perhaps they are country girls and they sound too simple for you, perhaps is the opposite and they are city girls and they sound too superficial, if all of this girls contacted you then re-read your profile because something in there is probably attracting them so you might need to rephrase something or simply focus on making the first move yourself.

[robert angel]

Tress,

 
It might help if you told us a bit about yourself. Age, are you single--divorced--have kids? Are you on several sites?--That can be overwhelming. Are you able to think about taking a trip overseas in the next 6 to 12 months or so?

 
I know that after my divorce, I had to take some time off and become comfortable with myself first, before getting really into the internet search 'game'. I think that's probably true after most serious, long term relationships. Sometimes people jump back in too fast and want results too quickly. Patience will pay off, and that said, being decisive at the right time will also.

 
Back in the 1990's and early 2000's, Yahoo chat rooms were a great way to meet people very casually and I started that way first--very casually, but there are some free sites that you can still do that on. Through that, (Yahoo) a Filipina, then living in the USA, introduced me first to her sister and then when that didn't work out, to a friend--who's my now wife.

 
A month is really a drop in the bucket. I think it typically takes at least 2 or 3 months before you sorted through all the 'not so desirables' up to that point and have begun to have a maybe a dozen or so ladies you talk with and feel comfortable with and then you begin to whittle down that from 12 to 8 to maybe four or so.Try not to burn your bridges with women--don't lie and lead them on, because you never know if you may realize later that one gal in particular seemed best suited after all--you might be able to come back to her. Don't rule out talking to stable, older women to learn about the culture--they may have younger friends too.

 
I knew my wife for literally years before we focused soley on each other. Before that, we were friends, friends who shared the ups and downs we each experienced, before realizing "Why not us--after all?"

 
I'd concentrate now on 'learning the ropes', as you see how women who seem like they're almost a sure bet, can just blow you off and/or disappear on you, as you recognize the signs of scammers and much more.

 
After 3 or 4 months, if you don't have some fair prospects to choose from, provided you're realistic in your expectations, only then would I begin to worry a bit.

 
So tell us what you're about and what kind of lady you're looking for!--You're in a good place here.

[Jeff S]

From age 18 to age 34. Never with the single-minded purpose of sorting through prospects and coming up with a winner in a certain amount of time, but always trying to have fun and learning as I went.

[thekfc]

Hi Tress,
           Welcome to the Planet.
 
My search was online - I found my wife on FH & another member (the pigster) also found his wife on FH.
 
From my initial search to commitment, I meet all kinds - from the scammers to potential candidates.
 
Since then I have meet a lot of filipinas, made a lot of friends and more importanlt - I have learnt a lot.
 
As Ray previously stated, If you live in an area that have a sizeable filipino community then I would recommend that you visit a few of the stores & restaurants. While there do some shopping and ask a few questions - about the products, what would they recommend you eat/try, etc, etc, - casual conversations.
 
Once you make friends - you will gain a network.
 
With that being said, I will echo what have been said in the above posts - personal introduction is best.
 
If you sould have more questions (and you will) be a little more specific. By asking a general questions and when the answers keeping coming the thread can go on for pages, the topic could go in different directions thus causing the original topics to get "lost" before it is  "fully" answered.

[thekfc]

I do not remember how long it took before I decided on my wife - I did chat a while with other ladies.
 
When I got to know my wife better & we were doing more frequent conversating, she was not the only one I was chatting with. I was also "chatting" with a few of her family members and getting acquanted and by the time I made the initial trip - (for lack of better words), it was like visiting family members I never met. 
 

[robert angel]

From age 18 to age 34. Never with the single-minded purpose of sorting through prospects and coming up with a winner in a certain amount of time, but always trying to have fun and learning as I went.

18 to 34? Are you saying your 'search' took 16 years, Jeff S? I thought I might be painting an unsympathetic picture with my extended search to a guy who's a little down after only a month!!
 
Seems to me that overall, the guys on the Latin board move faster, but that the guys on the Asian side have longer lasting, positive results.

[thekfc]

18 to 34? Are you saying your 'search' took 16 years, Jeff S?

That was before the time of the internet - he had to use carrier pigeon back then. 

[Jeff S]

Yeah - and those pigeons got really, really tired making that 5000 mile trip.   


I never did search in earnest - I wasn't in any hurry. It just took me that long to happen across someone who I thought I could spend the rest of my life with, and who felt the same way about me. I traveled a lot back then on business and dated all over the world - especially Latin America, Asia and Europe - and of course in the US, but that was shooting fish in a barrel in the 70s and early 80s. Plenty of partying but never anything remotely serious.


We did an informal survey a number of years ago on the Asian board and about half had met their wives through personal introductions, about 1/4th through an internet dating site, and the final 1/4th through other means - by accident mostly. Count me in the personal introductions column.

[robert angel]

Hey tress,
 
In my case, I wasn't lookng or chatting online so there was no herd of women to sort through. A friend's Filipina wife introduced me to her cousin back in the Philippines and it took off from there.
 
 
 
 
Ray

I thought Ray met his wife on the Battleship Missouri, during the big surrender, when she was with a group of Filipino dignitaries and he was a deck swab....

[tress]

I appreciate all the replies, some very good suggestions here. A little about me; I'm 46, i was divorced about 20 years ago. As far as what I'm looking for; I originally was searching for a woman 35+ years of age as I thought this would provide a certain level of maturity. I of course estimated this by western standards and have since adjusted my expectations appropriately. I am however really looking for someone attractive, with strong morals. I started looking online maybe a month ago. I was overwhelmed by the initial rush of people contacting me (DIA, FC) but soon realized that many of those contacts were women looking for money. I've heard stories about eye infections, car accidents, hospital bills, rent, and the "I need you to get me a webcam so you can see me".

Out of the initial onslaught, I now have 2 women that I'm in daily contact with. Both of them are late 20s which I was unprepared for. I can't help but be impressed by the level of maturity and overall sound logic that both of these women display. In retrospect perhaps the frustration is my own doing... I've never been a very callous person, and when confronted with so many scammers upfront, it made for a very sour experience. I will also take accountability for having come into the experience with a somewhat biased attitude. I associate certain behaviors based on the experiences I've had with women here in the US, and I have to throw these notions out the window.

I was unprepared for the tedious task of having to identify motives so early on, which apparently is just an integral part of this type of process. My timeline for heading to the Philippines is Nov/Dec; I'm completing school this year, so I have no time between now and then. I do appreciate all the feedback on this post, I've been reading the forum for maybe 3 weeks now and it's been an extremely valuable source of information.

[thekfc]

Whenever you join an online "dating"site - you will always initially get bombarded with people contacting. The "scammers" see someone new so they will you to try to get something out of you. There are times you will think that you are talking to woman but it may be a man - you may not be shore until you see that person  in cam but still........

Just remember the following.

Most importantly rule #1 - never send money until you have meet in person. You are not scammed until you send money.

Keep money out of all discussions.

If you are not interested in someone or feel uncomfortable - tell that person "thank you for your time" and move on.

The person (people) you are chatting with may not always be online. That may be due to brown-outs (blackouts), the time difference (the PI is 13 hours+ ahead of the  USA) or not having the "cafe cash time"....there may be many other reasons. Be a little patient.

Nov/Dec is a great time to visit. Not only is it the peak season but also the heart of the x-mas season. The place will be very festive.

Before you make the trip, get hold of this book and read it.
http://www.amazon.com/Culture-Shock-Philippines-Etiquette-Cultureshock/dp/0761456716

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/culture-shock-philippines-alfredo-roces/1016552964?ean=9780761425052&itm=1&usri=cultureshock!+philippines

When got make the trip - enjoy yourself, enjoy the place, the food & the people.

But in the mean time - ask your questions, the replies will be coming.

[Jhengsman]

Y
We did an informal survey a number of years ago on the Asian board and about half had met their wives through personal introductions, about 1/4th through an internet dating site, and the final 1/4th through other means - by accident mostly. Count me in the personal introductions column.

If this is another informal survey for tress add me to the introduction list. I wasn't looking but her aunt, who I worked with, was on the hunt  ...and still is. You may have heard they tend to have large families.

[thekfc]

You may have heard they tend to have large families.

Really? they do? ummmm, let me keep quiet. 

I am helping my wife do a family tree and I think that we will be done by x-mas. 

[Kaz1983]

I agree with Ray, online is not exactly ideal but sometimes we don't have much of a choice and there is always the chance of getting lucky so if this is your only option just be patient, write plenty, ask questions in different ways to make sure you are both on the same page.

I'm not expert as I'm new to this.... that said this time around I'm just writing heaps even if they don't reply at first, making sure I'm staying consistant - right now I've been chatting to a girl everyday for just over 2 weeks, I message her in the morning after breakfast, she messages me at 3pm, I reply before dinner and she replies around 11pm-- and I'm finding that it is working for me.... I'm starting to get this feeling like I might be waiting ten years to meet someone or I might just met her tommorrow sorta thing..

[InnocentVixen]

Being consistent with your emailing is always very nice, if the girl is anything like me she will be excited to hear from you but without the feeling of being chained to the computer checking every five minutes when she comes across someone that sounds really great! and in return you will not feel ignored, win-win situation


I hope you get along with her enough to visit her Kaz, good luck~