are your friends happy for you?

[mambocowboy]

Just got off the phone with a lifelong  friend who is engaged to an American woman. I'm engaged to a Colombiana and told him about it for the first time. While I have told my family and they are happy for me, he is only the second friend I've told and in both instances I got the sense that they are not too happy for me (I feared that would happen and that's why I've been slow to disclose this to friends; I have not told any coworkers and do not intend to do so anytime soon). There are alot of prejudices re: bringing a woman from a foreign country over here for marriage....Just wondering if some of you engaged/married guys could share some insight on how to handle the prejudice...thanks...

[euforia51]

Just wondering if some of you engaged/married guys could share some insight on how to handle the prejudice...thanks...

Best advice I know of is to use the WGAF method ... WHO GIVES A (insert F word here i.e. Flip among others). It's difficult to get use to early on but if you're already engaged, I'm thinking you should have long been beyond this. In the grand scheme of things, it's trivial; because if it feels right to you and yours ... then do it.

[Jeff S]

I'm with eufora. WGAF.

[Bob_S]

Well, bad things can happen and bad things HAVE happened to others who have tried this.  So before you get too upset with them, ask yourself, are they really prejudiced against a foreign gal, or are they worried that something nasty will happen to you (like waking up in a tub of bloody ice and a note taped to your chest that reads "Your kidney has been removed, go to a hospital immediatetly.")?


A Key:  Never tell female friends.  They will always be against this adventure.


If you gage that they are truly prejudiced against foreigners, then forget them.  WGAF.

[mambocowboy]

Well, bad things can happen and bad things HAVE happened to others who have tried this.  So before you get too upset with them, ask yourself, are they really prejudiced against a foreign gal, or are they worried that something nasty will happen to you (like waking up in a tub of bloody ice and a note taped to your chest that reads "Your kidney has been removed, go to a hospital immediatetly.")?


A Key:  Never tell female friends.  They will always be against this adventure.


If you gage that they are truly prejudiced against foreigners, then forget them.  WGAF.

These are male friends...I don't get the sense they're worried about me...Somebody once told me "your friends want to see you do well; just not better than them..."

[JWR]

Mambo,
 
This is a complex subject. 
I used to believe in the who cares approach, but this is far more serious then you can even imagine.
You will get all sorts of comments like, "if they were your real friends, then they wouldn't care". 
But do you need the respect of your co-workers?  Do you want to keep your old friends?  I suspect yes.
 
1st question you have to ask yourself.  Why do I feel the need to tell people?  Is it ego, and are you showing off your new girl?  Not a good enough reason.
 
There are different levels of predjudice depending on the race of the girl you bring here.  I think Latina is looked at worse then Asians.
 
When you tell someone, you have no control over who they tell, and you may not like their reaction.  With people's boring lives, they love to talk about the "loser" who went down and got the young, hot, poor girl that wanted a green card.
 
I see absolutely no reason to start telling anyone anything.  Way more bad can come from blabbing, then good.  When American girlfriends, and wives of your friends find out, most will start hating you, and talking shi# about you immediatly.  Mine is a long miserable story dealing with exactly these problems with my friends, and the ending is not happy.   One of my friend's girlfriends spread it around that I was actually beating my Colombian wife..... People love to believe that stuff about guys who marry from outside the country.  You won't get the benefit of the doubt.  And if your relationship fails (which  in my opinion is better then a 50/50 chance with a Colombiana), then all the speculation about why it failed will not favor you.  She will be the poor victim in the end no matter how nice the split up was.
 
So my advice is don't tell anyone anything.  Don't have a stupid big wedding in the US, and invite the peanut gallery.  Who really needs all this shi#.  This is a whole new game you are playing with all sorts of significant risks to your wallet, reputation and sanity.    Don't answer people's stupid questions about how old she is, or how you met.  They already have all their own preconcieved notions about what they think anyway, so don't even bother to dignify the questions with answers.  Just change the subject, and don't answer.
 
In the end you have to continue to function within this society with business and friends.  It does matter what people think.  I think it's far better for people to see you as a private sort of guy that doesn't share much about his private life.  They might wonder what is going on, but they won't know, and that is better in the long run.
I've been dealing with this for over 12 years.
Zip it.
 
 
 

Just got off the phone with a lifelong  friend who is engaged to an American woman. I'm engaged to a Colombiana and told him about it for the first time. While I have told my family and they are happy for me, he is only the second friend I've told and in both instances I got the sense that they are not too happy for me (I feared that would happen and that's why I've been slow to disclose this to friends; I have not told any coworkers and do not intend to do so anytime soon). There are alot of prejudices re: bringing a woman from a foreign country over here for marriage....Just wondering if some of you engaged/married guys could share some insight on how to handle the prejudice...thanks...

[vikingo]

Mambo, I assume your friends have known for a while that you are looking for someone in Colombia. If your bride is prettier and younger than your friends wife's, it's the wifes of your friends who will be mighty uncomfortable with the competition. They actually might think that their fiancees or husbands are following in your foot steps some day. So the first thing they are doing is trying to destroy the reputation of your bride by mentioning drugs, gold diggers, not liking American food, not wanting to learn English and that nobody in your circle of friends can communicate with them.
So the well trained American husbands will agree with them as to not getting in trouble with their honey. I wouldn't tell any more people, not even friends. Just show up with her at the next party and watch the long, green with envy faces of the other women.
Just my humble opinion.

[JWR]

This man speaks the truth.  I have had exactly that happen more then once.  Usually your friend's relationships are in the dumper, and your friend's wives/gfs and worried anyway how bad things are.  Then you show up with your new pretty fiance/wife and the women HATE this.  It's like you are directly rejecting all American women, and they band together as a front against you.
 
But I disagree with taking her to a party.  Skip these for a good while until you know she is fully adjusted, and you know the plane isn't going to crash and burn.  Showing her off, then having your fiance go back, just jams up your rep for no reason at all..  And they just love to say, "I told you so". 
 
If you've been single for a while, then you've seen your friends plenty.  Fly stealth for a while.
 
 

Mambo, I assume your friends have known for a while that you are looking for someone in Colombia. If your bride is prettier and younger than your friends wife's, it's the wifes of your friends who will be mighty uncomfortable with the competition. They actually might think that their fiancees or husbands are following in your foot steps some day. So the first thing they are doing is trying to destroy the reputation of your bride by mentioning drugs, gold diggers, not liking American food, not wanting to learn English and that nobody in your circle of friends can communicate with them.
So the well trained American husbands will agree with them as to not getting in trouble with their honey. I wouldn't tell any more people, not even friends. Just show up with her at the next party and watch the long, green with envy faces of the other women.
Just my humble opinion.

[mambocowboy]

Mambo,
 
This is a complex subject. 
I used to believe in the who cares approach, but this is far more serious then you can even imagine.
You will get all sorts of comments like, "if they were your real friends, then they wouldn't care". 
But do you need the respect of your co-workers?  Do you want to keep your old friends?  I suspect yes.
 
1st question you have to ask yourself.  Why do I feel the need to tell people?  Is it ego, and are you showing off your new girl?  Not a good enough reason.
 
There are different levels of predjudice depending on the race of the girl you bring here.  I think Latina is looked at worse then Asians.
 
When you tell someone, you have no control over who they tell, and you may not like their reaction.  With people's boring lives, they love to talk about the "loser" who went down and got the young, hot, poor girl that wanted a green card.
 
I see absolutely no reason to start telling anyone anything.  Way more bad can come from blabbing, then good.  When American girlfriends, and wives of your friends find out, most will start hating you, and talking shi# about you immediatly.  Mine is a long miserable story dealing with exactly these problems with my friends, and the ending is not happy.   One of my friend's girlfriends spread it around that I was actually beating my Colombian wife..... People love to believe that stuff about guys who marry from outside the country.  You won't get the benefit of the doubt.  And if your relationship fails (which  in my opinion is better then a 50/50 chance with a Colombiana), then all the speculation about why it failed will not favor you.  She will be the poor victim in the end no matter how nice the split up was.
 
So my advice is don't tell anyone anything.  Don't have a stupid big wedding in the US, and invite the peanut gallery.  Who really needs all this shi#.  This is a whole new game you are playing with all sorts of significant risks to your wallet, reputation and sanity.    Don't answer people's stupid questions about how old she is, or how you met.  They already have all their own preconcieved notions about what they think anyway, so don't even bother to dignify the questions with answers.  Just change the subject, and don't answer.
 
In the end you have to continue to function within this society with business and friends.  It does matter what people think.  I think it's far better for people to see you as a private sort of guy that doesn't share much about his private life.  They might wonder what is going on, but they won't know, and that is better in the long run.
I've been dealing with this for over 12 years.
Zip it.
 
 
 

Thanks for the advice. I do regret telling the two friends I told (even though they don't know each other and live in other parts of the country). I definitely won't tell any of my coworkers, that's for sure. I had one woman coworker (AW who's been divorced twice) complain to me about a male coworker who married a woman from Mexico ("'his wife worships him!'", as though it was the worst thing in the world), so if she's so judgmental and eager to trash a coworker I can only imagine how she'd trash me if she knew I was bringing over a Colombiana...I do not wear my engagement ring to work precisely to avoid any questioning...

[whitey]

Interesting topic ...

I don't really care too much about the opinions of my friends.  I only have one good, old friend living in the same city ... and he's the one who introduced my to Nazly.  Almost all of my new friends in the last 3 years are Colombians ... they are a lot of fun to hang out with, and of course they approve.

My co-workers seem to be pretty supportive ... I've never heard or sensed anything bad, but who knows if they are talking behind my back ... don't really think so.  Surprisingly, my female co-workers seem to like our story and find it romantic, including my boss who is female.  There are a fair number of people in the company from other countries, and a few international marriages too that I'm aware of.

I really only care about the opinions of my family.  My mother was very supportive right from the beginning, maybe because she was a foreign bride herself (she's from New Zealand originally).  My dad was and still is worried about me going to Colombia, but I think he likes Nazly, and my sister seems to like her too. 

The only problem is with my 20 year old daughter.  She has never met Nazly, and refuses to do so or even talk to her.  This, of course, is very sad for me and is causing an estrangement between us and my side of the family.

[JimD]

You could make a movie like "Lars And The Real Girl".
.

[mambocowboy]

Interesting topic ...

I don't really care too much about the opinions of my friends.  I only have one good, old friend living in the same city ... and he's the one who introduced my to Nazly.  Almost all of my new friends in the last 3 years are Colombians ... they are a lot of fun to hang out with, and of course they approve.

My co-workers seem to be pretty supportive ... I've never heard or sensed anything bad, but who knows if they are talking behind my back ... don't really think so.  Surprisingly, my female co-workers seem to like our story and find it romantic, including my boss who is female.  There are a fair number of people in the company from other countries, and a few international marriages too that I'm aware of.

I really only care about the opinions of my family.  My mother was very supportive right from the beginning, maybe because she was a foreign bride herself (she's from New Zealand originally).  My dad was and still is worried about me going to Colombia, but I think he likes Nazly, and my sister seems to like her too. 

The only problem is with my 20 year old daughter.  She has never met Nazly, and refuses to do so or even talk to her.  This, of course, is very sad for me and is causing an estrangement between us and my side of the family.

Sorry to hear about your daughter's reaction, that is a tough one that will take time....Bringing over a Colombian woman for marriage involves a lot of risk. Obviously, nothing negative any friend or family member might say is going to stop me from bringing my fiancee over here (only USCIS can do that), but as JWR points out, negative reactions from others seem to be part of the deal.... I'm generally viewed as a private sort, and now I have even more reason to be so...

[euforia51]

Fly stealth for a while.

Best advice, period. This is why WGAF works so well. No need to make mountains out of mole hills. It's nobody's business who you're dating, who you're engaged to, who you're married to, where you spend your vacations, how much money you make, or how much your Ferrari payment is every month, etc. etc.
 
In the grand scheme of things, deep down, people could really give a rip about who you're with. But if it makes for good gossip ... well that's an entirely different story then, isn't it? Keep them guessing, let them talk, let them fall all over themselves making generalizations and gossip ... WGAF. It's far more important that you are secure with yourself and your relationship than it is to wonder and worry about what other people think.

[robert angel]

Best advice I know of is to use the WGAF method ... WHO GIVES A (insert F word here i.e. Flip among others). It's difficult to get use to early on but if you're already engaged, I'm thinking you should have long been beyond this. In the grand scheme of things, it's trivial; because if it feels right to you and yours ... then do it.

I pretty much agree with Euforia's post. In a way, I feel that I don't have to defend my marriage to anyone. I think 'Who the hell cares?'--I don't care what the naysayers might say--I know it sounds corny, but It's me and her against the world. She's the one person I spend the most time with, even more than with my kids, who I also love and support as I am their father. In fact I think I'm an even a better father for my wife's, help. She will sometimes tell me "They won't be this age for long--I don't mind if you and the boys want to get away and do something together--it would be good for them".


Family and friends? I guess I'm fortunate, in that my family and friends--even co-workers, have been very supportive, as they were to my ex-wife, also an Asian, in my first marriage. My family and friends who matter most to me, were initially open minded and then once they met and got to know her, they really took her to their hearts. We get gifts on our anniversary, on her birthday, etc. In fact, my Mom told her early on, if I gave her a hard time for her to call her! She only does that a few times a week---nooooo---she's never called, but my parents and sisters love her and are always there for BOTH of us.



Not all family and friends are like that and as I said, sometimes you have to ask yourself--who are you with most--who matters the most--who will be there after the kids are grown and have moved away?



If your friends and family don't support you and your new wife, I suggest taking on the mindset that 'The world's your oyster' and that you and your wife are the pearls in the center.



I have precautioned about  the complications that having kids from a previous marriage can create. My first son was about 14 when I remarried and although he had previously given his approval to our marriage (not that he's the boss of the household/family), but I wanted him 'on board', so to speak) he changed his mind and for the first year or so, it was really rough. I am hopeful and optimistic that Whitey's daughter will 'come around' and things will be better for them.



Sometimes our children feel as if we have no right to ever remarry after a divorce from their Mother.



But let's not forget that  for most of the people we know, marrying a woman from a different nation and culture, often not fluent in English, seems FOREIGN and different too them! It takes time to adjust to new things and to get over bitterness, stereotypes and misconceptions. Hopefully time does heal all wounds.



It typically takes different levels of time for adjustment depending on the person, but when it all comes down to making up your mind as to who's supportive of you and your wife, versus those who aren't and are in fact actually unhealthy for you and your marriage it might help to take the wise words of the late Dr. Seuss to mind:



"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"



You might end up eventually having to let some friends go, but chances are you'll find more opportunities to make new friends with your new wife--likely similarly minded couples.




Until recently, my wife's work and mine involved interaction with a lot of the same people. Some were real American hussies, a fair amount of them bitter, unmarried and/or divorced, over weight women, who with several layers of makeup and their fake pearls and costume jewelry, sit in judgement of everyone and give their verdicts in private only to their own similarly embittered peers. I get the sense they don't like themselves or their lives, so I am not surprised that I think they're jealous and disapprove of my wife and the fact that she's younger than me and much prettier than them.



We know who they are and how they operate, but they've never said anything to her face remotely negative to her. She once overheard them say something  very petty but negative about me and she came home and cried, but I told her "Honey--consider the source--they are zeros" and we were OK.



So there are a few nasty little cliques there, but not enough to prevent the majority of employees from voting her employee of the year twice in a row and as their representative for grievances. She had to work there three years before they could nominate her, so she really earned their respect and affection. The worst part of going back to where she worked is they all ask how SHE's doing--not me!



Then there are some Filipinas who are 'bad eggs' and they will gossip and back bite--but we know who they are and while we may occasionally attend Fil Am functions, we stay away from certain folks and don't go to many parties period. There are naysayers, typically people who want to know details about your love life, how much money you make and crap like that--the worst of the worst 'mouths' would probably jump into bed with another woman's husband, just to try and find out why his wife seems so damn happy all the time.



Our families are with us and our circle of REAL friends is small, but if one of us is sick we take meals to each other, if one of us moves, we find a truck and get it done--that sort of thing. We pretty much have a just few couples we might go out with. Every once in a while we might go out together and 'paint the town' but we are pretty much all homebodies, who if we don't eat and watch a movie at one of our homes, we might go out and do just that. Very different than the 'single scene'.



So not sweating what negative people might or might not say, keeping things real, with a small circle of friends and not buying into the gossip loop or giving people details of our personal lives to talk about--that's what works for us.

[Zon]

It is a "friend filter" - be happy about it.


However,

[size=78%]I used to believe in the who cares approach, but this is far more serious then you can even imagine.[/size]You will get all sorts of comments like, "if they were your real friends, then they wouldn't care". 
[size=78%]But do you need the respect of your co-workers?  Do you want to keep your old friends?  I suspect yes.[/size]

So, I think you will find that if you go through with this, you will find that you are crossing a bridge.  You ought to expect others to have negative steriotypes - all of the time -  and be happy to find situations where such negative thinking is absent.  In the end, you must realize that you are picking up time and probably with a woman that is a mating abberation here in the USA (that is putting it nicely:)   People are jealous and are resistant to change. 


So, go get some new friends

[opusone]

Friends are important, family is important, what you want ,is paramount. Separate everything, recognize envy.

[mambocowboy]

I pretty much agree with Euforia's post. In a way, I feel that I don't have to defend my marriage to anyone. I think 'Who the hell cares?'--I don't care what the naysayers might say--I know it sounds corny, but It's me and her against the world. She's the one person I spend the most time with, even more than with my kids, who I also love and support as I am their father. In fact I think I'm an even a better father for my wife's, help. She will sometimes tell me "They won't be this age for long--I don't mind if you and the boys want to get away and do something together--it would be good for them".


Family and friends? I guess I'm fortunate, in that my family and friends--even co-workers, have been very supportive, as they were to my ex-wife, also an Asian, in my first marriage. My family and friends who matter most to me, were initially open minded and then once they met and got to know her, they really took her to their hearts. We get gifts on our anniversary, on her birthday, etc. In fact, my Mom told her early on, if I gave her a hard time for her to call her! She only does that a few times a week---nooooo---she's never called, but my parents and sisters love her and are always there for BOTH of us.



Not all family and friends are like that and as I said, sometimes you have to ask yourself--who are you with most--who matters the most--who will be there after the kids are grown and have moved away?



If your friends and family don't support you and your new wife, I suggest taking on the mindset that 'The world's your oyster' and that you and your wife are the pearls in the center.



I have precautioned about  the complications that having kids from a previous marriage can create. My first son was about 14 when I remarried and although he had previously given his approval to our marriage (not that he's the boss of the household/family), but I wanted him 'on board', so to speak) he changed his mind and for the first year or so, it was really rough. I am hopeful and optimistic that Whitey's daughter will 'come around' and things will be better for them.



Sometimes our children feel as if we have no right to ever remarry after a divorce from their Mother.



But let's not forget that  for most of the people we know, marrying a woman from a different nation and culture, often not fluent in English, seems FOREIGN and different too them! It takes time to adjust to new things and to get over bitterness, stereotypes and misconceptions. Hopefully time does heal all wounds.



It typically takes different levels of time for adjustment depending on the person, but when it all comes down to making up your mind as to who's supportive of you and your wife, versus those who aren't and are in fact actually unhealthy for you and your marriage it might help to take the wise words of the late Dr. Seuss to mind:



"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"



You might end up eventually having to let some friends go, but chances are you'll find more opportunities to make new friends with your new wife--likely similarly minded couples.




Until recently, my wife's work and mine involved interaction with a lot of the same people. Some were real American hussies, a fair amount of them bitter, unmarried and/or divorced, over weight women, who with several layers of makeup and their fake pearls and costume jewelry, sit in judgement of everyone and give their verdicts in private only to their own similarly embittered peers. I get the sense they don't like themselves or their lives, so I am not surprised that I think they're jealous and disapprove of my wife and the fact that she's younger than me and much prettier than them.



We know who they are and how they operate, but they've never said anything to her face remotely negative to her. She once overheard them say something  very petty but negative about me and she came home and cried, but I told her "Honey--consider the source--they are zeros" and we were OK.



So there are a few nasty little cliques there, but not enough to prevent the majority of employees from voting her employee of the year twice in a row and as their representative for grievances. She had to work there three years before they could nominate her, so she really earned their respect and affection. The worst part of going back to where she worked is they all ask how SHE's doing--not me!



Then there are some Filipinas who are 'bad eggs' and they will gossip and back bite--but we know who they are and while we may occasionally attend Fil Am functions, we stay away from certain folks and don't go to many parties period. There are naysayers, typically people who want to know details about your love life, how much money you make and crap like that--the worst of the worst 'mouths' would probably jump into bed with another woman's husband, just to try and find out why his wife seems so damn happy all the time.



Our families are with us and our circle of REAL friends is small, but if one of us is sick we take meals to each other, if one of us moves, we find a truck and get it done--that sort of thing. We pretty much have a just few couples we might go out with. Every once in a while we might go out together and 'paint the town' but we are pretty much all homebodies, who if we don't eat and watch a movie at one of our homes, we might go out and do just that. Very different than the 'single scene'.



So not sweating what negative people might or might not say, keeping things real, with a small circle of friends and not buying into the gossip loop or giving people details of our personal lives to talk about--that's what works for us.

Me and her against the world, I can identify with that.  I picked her in part because my sense is she'll fight for our relationship, as will I...

[robert angel]

Being able to say "F___ em all" in a "You and me, baby" kind of way and making your woman feel like you'd fight off a pack of wolves for her, will make her feel tremendous. So does, when your at some boring event and you grab her and say with conviction "We're  blowing this pop stand!" and you head straight home.


My wife still isn't sure exactly what she wants career wise and even though she's gotten great recognition in whatever she's done, I think an unnecessary worrying along the lines of "can I really do this?? Keeps her trying new things and pushing herself.


When she gets down--or when I get down, us telling each other "I know you can do it--I'm 100% sure--I KNOW you can" really helps. It's us--we're each others biggest cheerleaders.


It's like she says to me: Awwww, Popeye--yer my hero" and I say "And yer MY gal, Olive!"


Having friends and family is great, but when the day starts and ends, it's just her and I.....

[mambocowboy]

Being able to say "F___ em all" in a "You and me, baby" kind of way and making your woman feel like you'd fight off a pack of wolves for her, will make her feel tremendous. So does, when your at some boring event and you grab her and say with conviction "We're  blowing this pop stand!" and you head straight home.


My wife still isn't sure exactly what she wants career wise and even though she's gotten great recognition in whatever she's done, I think an unnecessary worrying along the lines of "can I really do this?? Keeps her trying new things and pushing herself.


When she gets down--or when I get down, us telling each other "I know you can do it--I'm 100% sure--I KNOW you can" really helps. It's us--we're each others biggest cheerleaders.


It's like she says to me: Awwww, Popeye--yer my hero" and I say "And yer MY gal, Olive!"


Having friends and family is great, but when the day starts and ends, it's just her and I.....

Thanks for the encouragement and good advice.
 

[V_Man]

Wow guys!!

I supose in terms of attitudes to people from other countries the USA is very different.
But man!

1. Western women screw men financially in their tens of thousands every day. Therefore yes I may get screwed by a latin woman, but it is not as if women from my own country are less risky is it?

2. Ask yourself: what do you want with friends who are not focused on what is best for you?

It is a "friend filter" - be happy about it.

- this is why it's worth having Zon around.

If they are that bloody bigoted, racist and xenophobic then what do you want their respect for?

She once overheard them say something  very petty but negative about me and she came home and cried, but I told her "Honey--consider the source--they are zeros" and we were OK.

- That is exactly what they are.

Personally I find most xenophobic people to be less than zeros.
More like psychic energy sinks - i.e. black holes that suck all the vitallity, diversity, possibliities, energy, intelligence, curiosity and opportunities out of everything close to them.

Sometimes you just have to confront people with their bigotry.

Usually a little dose of actually meeting the person and getting to know the reality versus the stereotypes will be enough for reasonable people. I just don't give a flying F@*& about the others. They are adults. They should have grown up and learnt something about the real world by now instead of wasting their whole lives.

If someone is upset about my choice of wife simply because she latin and good looking then my life is just too short to get out a violin for them. Plus I never learnt to play the violin because I was having too much fun learning a 2nd language, discovering another culture, travelling to exotic places, having great sex and living my life!

The situation with Whitey's 20 year old daughter is different and it is tragic.
Whitey she's still young. She can change. I sincerly hope that with a little more time and life experience she comes around. One thing is that her refusal to meet Nazly shows that she disapproves of the concept of you new wife not the reality of Nazly. The longer you and Nazly live together the more of a fact of life it becomes. Eventually it just gets plain silly to object to a fact of life.

 I can object to the sun in the morning all my life but it's still going to arrive every day.

[Researcher]

   I have always been a kind of "like it or lump it" kinda guy. Having actually been through this situation I'd say that attitude has paid off. Either your friends will "get over it" or they won't. If they don't "get over it" then they weren't your friends to begin with.

    I had friends that thought I was making a huge mistake and tried to save me by telling me about how all these women wanted was a green card and how Colombian women were all bad  blah, blah, blah....over 4 years later and I'm still happily married. Forge ahead, do what you think is best and let the chips fall where they may.

  What's this obsession of having to get along with others anyway? Being liked is so over rated...hehehe!  just kidding.


           Researcher

[Alabamaboy!]

I agree with JWR, I just don't even talk about it much. There are a lot of haters out there. And there are a lot of people with very small, or closed minds.

Mambo,
 
This is a complex subject. 
I used to believe in the who cares approach, but this is far more serious then you can even imagine.
You will get all sorts of comments like, "if they were your real friends, then they wouldn't care". 
But do you need the respect of your co-workers?  Do you want to keep your old friends?  I suspect yes.
 
1st question you have to ask yourself.  Why do I feel the need to tell people?  Is it ego, and are you showing off your new girl?  Not a good enough reason.
 
There are different levels of predjudice depending on the race of the girl you bring here.  I think Latina is looked at worse then Asians.
 
When you tell someone, you have no control over who they tell, and you may not like their reaction.  With people's boring lives, they love to talk about the "loser" who went down and got the young, hot, poor girl that wanted a green card.
 
I see absolutely no reason to start telling anyone anything.  Way more bad can come from blabbing, then good.  When American girlfriends, and wives of your friends find out, most will start hating you, and talking shi# about you immediatly.  Mine is a long miserable story dealing with exactly these problems with my friends, and the ending is not happy.   One of my friend's girlfriends spread it around that I was actually beating my Colombian wife..... People love to believe that stuff about guys who marry from outside the country.  You won't get the benefit of the doubt.  And if your relationship fails (which  in my opinion is better then a 50/50 chance with a Colombiana), then all the speculation about why it failed will not favor you.  She will be the poor victim in the end no matter how nice the split up was.
 
So my advice is don't tell anyone anything.  Don't have a stupid big wedding in the US, and invite the peanut gallery.  Who really needs all this shi#.  This is a whole new game you are playing with all sorts of significant risks to your wallet, reputation and sanity.    Don't answer people's stupid questions about how old she is, or how you met.  They already have all their own preconcieved notions about what they think anyway, so don't even bother to dignify the questions with answers.  Just change the subject, and don't answer.
 
In the end you have to continue to function within this society with business and friends.  It does matter what people think.  I think it's far better for people to see you as a private sort of guy that doesn't share much about his private life.  They might wonder what is going on, but they won't know, and that is better in the long run.
I've been dealing with this for over 12 years.
Zip it.

[Zon]

  Being liked is so over rated...hehehe!

At long last, we agree:)

[whitey]

Thanks Mambo, Rob, V-man.

Having friends and family is great, but when the day starts and ends, it's just her and I.....

Well said, Rob ...

[Kiltboy1]

I too would decide if your friends are worth keeping. I have very few American friends anymore as they are not comfortable dealing with someone from another culture. Most of our friends are Latino, which is fine with me. Any American friends I have now are married to Latinas. Sad our culture is so close minded to accept someone different then them, but Americans are the most insecure people on the planet.
 
KB