Why did your relationship succeed or fail?

[Alabamaboy!]

Yeah you are right, there are definitely exceptions. Although, I am finishing up another year with my business with probably over 600 35-45 year old clients...and I doubt many could do it. And they are amazed that anyone would want to.

And you are right, the energy thing applies to the man too. If he is not ready, willing, and able to have a very active lifestyle with the child, then IMO it does an injustice to child to bring him/her into this world.

I guess that's true over 50 or something... I know many 40+ women that run marathons, so they could easily run after a kid.

Same thing applies to the father. He has to have a lot of energy raise a kid. And marrying a 20 yo woman won't bring that energy back.

[Chris F]

One thing I will NOT do is "require" her to learn English.  It's her decision.  My son is bilingual so it won't be a problem for him.  I can speak some too.  We'll get along just fine.  If she wants to learn English I'll help her but it's her choice. 
 
 

hypothetical
 Ok...let's look at a hyopthetical situation in your relationship where your wife does not bother to learn English three years from now.
Her own child is now seven years of age and speaks very good English after being in school here. She will have homework in English of course that her own mother will not be able to help her complete.
I have been an elementary school teacher in a poor area of Los Angeles for over twenty years and have taught across all grade levels. I have witnessed many latin mothers ( and fathers) who have been here for years and cannot even help their own children because they never studied English.
Not having your wife being able to support her own child academically and your future child is going to make things very difficult in the long run for you if you do not PUSH her to learn English.
Since you chose to get her pregnant right away, I guess there will not much time for her right now to study the language.
 

[OrlandoGringo]

hypothetical
 Ok...let's look at a hyopthetical situation in your relationship where your wife does not bother to learn English three years from now.
Her own child is now seven years of age and speaks very good English after being in school here. She will have homework in English of course that her own mother will not be able to help her complete.
I have been an elementary school teacher in a poor area of Los Angeles for over twenty years and have taught across all grade levels. I have witnessed many latin mothers ( and fathers) who have been here for years and cannot even help their own children because they never studied English.
Not having your wife being able to support her own child academically and your future child is going to make things very difficult in the long run for you if you do not PUSH her to learn English.
Since you chose to get her pregnant right away, I guess there will not much time for her right now to study the language.

Thanks for the feedback, Chris. 
 
My hope is that she will want to learn English but I am not going to "require" it from her.  The choice is hers. 
 
Early this year I learned my "t" count was low.  The doctor prescribed a treatment but said not to start it IF I want to have more children.  I discussed it with my fiance and we agreed to try and get pregnant as soon as possible in order that I could then begin my treatment. 
 
You are correct in that, if things don't work out, having a child together would definitely complicate things.  I guess it was a leap of faith by both of us. 
 
By the way, thanks for the well wishes! 

[braziliangirl]

Yeah you are right, there are definitely exceptions. Although, I am finishing up another year with my business with probably over 600 35-45 year old clients...and I doubt many could do it. And they are amazed that anyone would want to.

Remember that you are in the USA. I guess Latinas have more energy. Yes, a 40+ woman that can run a marathon is an exception (even though I have 3 of them just in my office), but I have many friends at the age that work full time and yet exercise everyday. Some of them even study too!

I have a friend that had a baby at 39. The girl is now almost 2yo and doesn't stop for a second! My friend has no trouble keeping up with the little one.

And you are right, the energy thing applies to the man too. If he is not ready, willing, and able to have a very active lifestyle with the child, then IMO it does an injustice to child to bring him/her into this world.

I agree with you a 100%. I do prefer older men (like my friend IV ), but I want to have kids, so I care about his level of energy.

[Alabamaboy!]

Sounds like Brazil is a great place then. I have never been there. But here in the States, Mexico, Colombia, and in the Philippines it does not seem like most men or women over 40 are too much into exercise.

What city of Brazil are you in? Is the exercise thing big just in your city/region or is it pretty much the same throughout Brazil?

The great thing about exercise is that it does so much good. It is good for the body, mind, and energy level. My biggest problem with exercise is that afterward I have a hard time sleeping. And I have no other time of the day to do it other than after work because I am not able to drag myself out of bed at 5:00 AM.

So I think we hit upon another point that can help a relationship succeed or fail and that is having a similar energy and activity level. I think that is important. 

Remember that you are in the USA. I guess Latinas have more energy. Yes, a 40+ woman that can run a marathon is an exception (even though I have 3 of them just in my office), but I have many friends at the age that work full time and yet exercise everyday. Some of them even study too!

I have a friend that had a baby at 39. The girl is now almost 2yo and doesn't stop for a second! My friend has no trouble keeping up with the little one.

I agree with you a 100%. I do prefer older men (like my friend IV ), but I want to have kids, so I care about his level of energy.

[braziliangirl]

What city of Brazil are you in? Is the exercise thing big just in your city/region or is it pretty much the same throughout Brazil?

I guess it's big in all major cities, especially the beach ones where you have to have a bikini-ready body. Brazilian standards for beauty are very, very high.

So I think we hit upon another point that can help a relationship succeed or fail and that is having a similar energy and activity level. I think that is important.

Good observation! I agree with that.

[Alabamaboy!]

The more I hear about Brazil the better it sounds!

[Hoda]

I anticipate my fiance to be here (providing the interview goes well) in a couple of weeks.  By the way, she is going on 7 months pregnant and, yes, it (she) is mine.      Anyway, my fiance will bring her four year-old daughter to join my eight year-old son (for whom I share time/responsibility) and I.
 
We both look forward to lots of family fun, cooking together, watching movies, going places and lots of sex!          We're both Catholic and will make it a point to go to church every week.  For her this is the norm but for me this will be different as I've been a twice-a-year-Catholic for a while now (Easter & Christmas).  I would like that we pray together and say prayer at meals.  I think our sharing our relationship with God is very important and will strengthen our union.  Most importantly I want complete and total honesty with one-another in all things. 
 
For those that have already been there, what worked or didn't work for you and your new mate after the honeymoom was over and she (or he) got settled down with you in your new lives? 
 
My biggest concern is that she will be homesick.  However, although she and her daughter live with her parents, she has a strained relationship with her mother and so I don't believe she'll miss her too much.   

First of all....Happy Holidays to all

Yes, yes, I know that it's been a minute since my last visit, but y'all know how life can change your day to day living.

Now on to your question.....Yes, being homesick will definitely come into play. No matter how good your intentions are of trying to ease her homesickness, it will hit her & her daughter. Support them, but give them some room to work it out on their own. The four year old will probably adjust faster. Your ready made family dynamic is very similar to mine, with the exception that my wife waited a few years to have a child. Your son, will play a key role in their adjustment here....Get/Keep him involved with his new extended family. There will be challenges in your family's future...it's unavoidable! With the spiritual foundation & honesty towards one another that you & your future wife have already established; your path towards success is greatly enhanced....

Best Wishes.....Hoda

Illegitimi non carborundum 

P.S. Get Vonage's International call plan to Colombia. For about 14 bucks (in addition to the basic call plan) your lady & step-daughter will be able to talk to family & friends until the phone burns a hole in their hands...lol
 

[z_k_g]

I agree with you a 100%. I do prefer older men (like my friend IV ), but I want to have kids, so I care about his level of energy.

BG,

Whats your desired "older man" age range?

My sweetie (21) was open to men from 25 to 35, but....I was 42 at the time we met.

I was looking for 25 to 30 so we met in the middle I guess.

She had NO DESIRE to meet a man her age but someone older at least 10 years.

Zulu

[z_k_g]

Sounds like Brazil is a great place then. I have never been there. But here in the States, Mexico, Colombia, and in the Philippines it does not seem like most men or women over 40 are too much into exercise.

The pinoys I know over 40 have beer guts and are proud of it.  I can think of only one who is fit and trim and exercises.  The younger guys look pretty fit and trim naturally.  I think the diet and beer drinking catches up with them in their 40's.

I will say that pinoys don't mind to showing off their "beer belly" tummies, and you should see the hotties they manage to pull in. 

Amazing.

Pinas do not age well unfortunately.   High starch diets, poor oral hygiene, little or no exercise and too many children plays havoc on the female body. 

Zulu

[braziliangirl]

BG,

Whats your desired "older man" age range?

My sweetie (21) was open to men from 25 to 35, but....I was 42 at the time we met.

I was looking for 25 to 30 so we met in the middle I guess.

She had NO DESIRE to meet a man her age but someone older at least 10 years.

Zulu

I'm 31, so late 30s to early 40s, I guess... I just don't want someone that would look like he is my father. But it's hard to find a 40yo guy that is decent looking, at least in the profiles I see. Especially the divorced ones. They look so tired.

[robert angel]

The pinoys I know over 40 have beer guts and are proud of it.  I can think of only one who is fit and trim and exercises.  The younger guys look pretty fit and trim naturally.  I think the diet and beer drinking catches up with them in their 40's.

I will say that pinoys don't mind to showing off their "beer belly" tummies, and you should see the hotties they manage to pull in. 

Amazing.

Pinas do not age well unfortunately.   High starch diets, poor oral hygiene, little or no exercise and too many children plays havoc on the female body. 

Zulu
[/quote



In my wife's province in the Philippines, while some of the women have a few extra pounds on them, even in the cities surrounding the smaller barangays, most of the guys are definitely not overweight. They are generally pretty lean and some are pretty muscular and in excellent shape. They wrestle and even some of the middle age guys still play basketball and do some martial arts too.

In some circles, having a wife or GF who's a little chubby is seen as something as a status symbol--as she obviously can afford to eat pretty well and not literally have to 'work her ass off'. A few guys might have a bit of a 'gut'--and Filipinos can make fun out of just about anything, but an individual acting proud of--or 'showing off'  having a beer belly doesn't seem to me to be very typical. Maybe his buddies kidding him that he's looking  two months pregnant--I could see that--typical cornball--(riceball?)--transgender Filipino humor....

I'd say that as a nation, the diet isn't too heart healthy--in a lot of homes, they don't cut off the fat before cooking or toss out much fat from the meat before eating it and there's also a diabetes problem due to the diet, (rice quickly converts to sugar in the body) but most of those guys, young and old alike, were thinner and more agile than most Americans the same age that I know over here. They walk and do more physical things than most Americans, I'd dare say. Yea--they enjoy beer (the guys), a lot of guys and too many young, so called  'middle--upper class' girls, smoke cigarettes and many have lousy teeth--but over weight?--not from what I see.....

[InnocentVixen]

I've always been very attracted physically and intellectually to men in their mid 40's, even after a few years this is still the case, they just seem to have the balance of looks and brains that I am looking for, too tempting. (started my search at 26, I am now 29)


Contrary to BG I've never had much trouble finding an attractive man in this age range online, I'll admit I do like a bit of gray and like Alabama said, guys over here past age 30, some before that, start to develop a beer belly that they have no interest in working on so I guess compared to them a man with a healthy lifestyle, somewhat fit (or even just willing to work on it) and actually interested in a monogamous long term relationship with marriage in mind sounds pretty amazing to me.


I have learned the hard way that what I need is not necessarily what I want though and been focusing on 35-40 age range lately. Guys in their late 30's are finally starting to take interest in me, which is not too bad... as long as I pick the right one, after a few years he will reach that ripe age that I find so sexy in men anyways

[thekfc]

Pinas do not age well unfortunately.   High starch diets, poor oral hygiene, little or no exercise and too many children plays havoc on the female body. 

The ones that do not age well are the ones who do not take care of themselves and that would be just about any where in the world.
 
I have meet & seen pinays (both here in NYC & Asia) who look about 15-20+ years younger than their actual age. I have mistaken on a few occasions someone mother for a sister - I would get the reply "no that is my mother".
 
 

They wrestle and even some of the middle age guys still play basketball and do some martial arts too.

Yep, I saw that a lot.  And watching the pinas practice Arnis - watch out!!!!

[z_k_g]

I'm 31, so late 30s to early 40s, I guess... I just don't want someone that would look like he is my father. But it's hard to find a 40yo guy that is decent looking, at least in the profiles I see. Especially the divorced ones. They look so tired.

Divorce does that too you!
 
Zulu

[OrlandoGringo]

First of all....Happy Holidays to all

Yes, yes, I know that it's been a minute since my last visit, but y'all know how life can change your day to day living.

Now on to your question.....Yes, being homesick will definitely come into play. No matter how good your intentions are of trying to ease her homesickness, it will hit her & her daughter. Support them, but give them some room to work it out on their own. The four year old will probably adjust faster. Your ready made family dynamic is very similar to mine, with the exception that my wife waited a few years to have a child. Your son, will play a key role in their adjustment here....Get/Keep him involved with his new extended family. There will be challenges in your family's future...it's unavoidable! With the spiritual foundation & honesty towards one another that you & your future wife have already established; your path towards success is greatly enhanced....

Best Wishes.....Hoda

Illegitimi non carborundum 

P.S. Get Vonage's International call plan to Colombia. For about 14 bucks (in addition to the basic call plan) your lady & step-daughter will be able to talk to family & friends until the phone burns a hole in their hands...lol

Thanks Hoda!

[Alabamaboy!]

There are lots of hot looking mature Filipinas in San Diego area. And a lot of them are into exercise. I guess it is the SoCal lifestyle. It puts a little pressure on a person to stay in shape because the competition is pretty strong.

The pinoys I know over 40 have beer guts and are proud of it.  I can think of only one who is fit and trim and exercises.  The younger guys look pretty fit and trim naturally.  I think the diet and beer drinking catches up with them in their 40's.

I will say that pinoys don't mind to showing off their "beer belly" tummies, and you should see the hotties they manage to pull in. 

Amazing.

Pinas do not age well unfortunately.   High starch diets, poor oral hygiene, little or no exercise and too many children plays havoc on the female body. 

Zulu

[thekfc]

There are lots of hot looking mature Filipinas in San Diego area. And a lot of them are into exercise. I guess it is the SoCal lifestyle. It puts a little pressure on a person to stay in shape because the competition is pretty strong.

Yep, the way I see it is that they do get plenty of exercise.
 
In the Philippines, they do more "exercise" than we do here in the USA.
 
They do a lot of walking. They lift, bend, clean and cook often/a lot. They take care of multiple kids/siblings as well as keeping up with them, they work long hours or 6 days/wk.... that is just to name a few - so you can say that they do a lot of physical work (not necessarily heavy but physical/cadio). And all that is a form of exercising, you do not need a gym to exercise but more for toning the body/isolating body parts.
 
The majority of the ones in the PI who get fat/beer belly are the ones who sit all day doing nothing but playing cards, drink alcohol, watch cock fights, etc,.
 
My comments are more for those in the PI than here in the USA -  both places have different lifestyle.

[JimD]

There are lots of hot looking mature Filipinas in San Diego area.

Bama would you consider the filipinas if this marriage doesn't pan out? (Not reffering to "mature" ones.)

[z_k_g]

Bama would you consider the filipinas if this marriage doesn't pan out? (Not reffering to "mature" ones.)

Jim,

Pinays love kids (most pinays anyways).

My sweetie has grown up surrounded by many young-uns and is looking forward to having some of her own.

Her auntie has taken in many of her sisters children to raise and welcome more.

If AB finds a good pinay she would probably embrace his daughter and English will not be a problem, she may even be able to teach English classes!

Zulu

[JimD]

Well lets hope he reads your post.

[whitey]

I think AB's first wife was a pinay ...

[z_k_g]

I think AB's first wife was a pinay ...

Yes...I forgot.

Maybe second time around?

Zulu

[InnocentVixen]

The definition of insanity is repeating the same mistake over and over expecting different results or so I've heard 

[z_k_g]

The definition of insanity is repeating the same mistake over and over expecting different results or so I've heard 

IV,

I think that would apply if it was the same woman.

The Philippines is a huge country with 90 million people, half of those women and millions of eligible pinays that would make excellent wives.

AB my not be so inclined however but he may feel the same way about another Colombiana?

Zulu