How much do you mix with (your wife's country here) -Amer. Associations-Clubs?

[robert angel]

Do you fellows who are married go to many cultural events where you live that involve your wife's native country? Do they have Fil-Am, Colombian-Am, Chinese-Am and such sort of 'clubs' where you live? Do you tend to stay away from that sort of gathering?
 
Do people here looking to marry a foreigner in the future have thoughts about if and how much they want to be involved with this sort of thing?
 
Before my wife even arrived in the USA, she was already bit leery of getting too involved in the local Fil-Am (Filipino-American Club). While she's quite sociable and outgoing with family, co-workers and a few select Filpina friends, she feels there's too much gossip, materialism, status seeking  and intrigue at Fil-Am events.
 
We've been to a few Fil-Am events here, so that she pretty much knows who everyone is and while she's held in high regard, she keeps a low profile. We didn't even go to the local Christmas party this year (we went to the one in the next state over)--that and the Easter gathering are probably the biggest Fil-Am events.
 
We do the annual Asian Festival--my wife helps organize and work it--my sons have even performed on stage, but that involves ALL Asian nations, brings in international talent and foods and isn't any sort of 'clique' deal.
 
Ironically, we go to a lot more (but still not TOO many) Fil-Am events across the border, in the next state, about a 30 to 45 minute drive from where we live. The distance involved seems to be a good thing, as if we don't show for an event, it's not seen as an insult.
 
If my wife really wanted to be more involved, I'd be OK with it, but honestly, I think we both feel we're better off keeping our distance and our options open.
 
How about you guys--'into it' or more 'out of it' and why?'

[piglett]

all i have to go by is what our long last member "Bear" said about his Fil-am experiences & they were not very good.
i think he is done with that whole group. your milage may vary
 
 
pig

[Jeff S]

My wife was interested at first, but didn't care for most of the people. We still occasionally attend cultural, art and music events from Japan, but never any social functions.


I live in a town that has a lot of tourists and I'm much more likely to engage in conversations with tourists speaking Japanese on the street, beach area, local restaurants and such, than my wife is. It's always fun to blindside them with a Japanese phrase and see the look on their faces when they see it came from a big haku-jin (white guy.)

[thekfc]

I have taken my wife to a few Fil-Am events and places but just wasn't/isn't interested.
 
We used to go to the Filipino Church (San Lorenzo Ruiz Chapel) in Manhattan but we now go to a church near our home,  maybe because of the commute on a Sunday - she told me want to go to church "closer to home".
 
Socializing wise, we go out with co-workers (2 who are Fil-Am) and friends.
 
She chat almost daily with her family in California & the PI.
She also like "chatting" with some of the workers at the Filipino & Asian stores we shop in.

[whitey]

Although there are upwards of 9,000 latinos (most Colombian) in my city, I don't believe we have any latin clubs per se yet.  There are some great cultural events, especially some summer festivals, that we will go to.

Tonight for drinks and dessert we have a family of 5 from Barranquilla coming over, another friend of mine from Barranquilla who's wife and son just left for the month to visit BAQ so he's all alone, and my Canadian buddy with his girlfriend from Bogota who is here visiting for the month.  Woo hoo ... I don't have to drive, so I get to have fun!

[Bob_S]

If there is any such "J-A club" in our area, we don't really know about it.  Japanese have been part of Los Angeles for over a hundred years now, so they have deeply rooted ethnic neighborhoods scattered about that sort of serve that function.  The core of the ethnic neighborhoods is in Little Tokyo in downtown.  But Japanese society can have a very rigid hierarchy (with the ambassador's wife at the top like an empress of the women's social scene), and my wife wants no part of that.  In marrying a foreigner, you are on a certain level rejecting some major parts of your own society's culture and its strictures.
But you don't abandon it all.  So we regularly attend summer and autumn local Japanese ethnic festivals.  And if we're in town, we'll attend New Years Eve service at the local Buddhist temple.  And in selecting a Protestant church, I chose one that had some nisei and Japanese-American couples so she'd have someone to talk to.  That's about it.  Oh, and somehow, when we enrolled our little Sweetie Pie in dance school, half the mothers were Japanese.  Go figure.

[Ray]

 
Well, here in San Diego we have a huge Filipino community.
　
95% of my neighbors are Filipino, 75% of parishioners at our local church are Filipino, etc…
　
We attend many of the Filipino cultural events here and probably a half dozen or so Filipino social events every year. Filipino birthday parties are big and we are always getting invited to many of these. Also, we attend July 4^th parties, Christmas parties, various picnics, etc., where Fil-Am couples predominate.
　
Our parish church has several Filipino-themed events every year that we try to attend when possible. They just finished the Simbang Gabi novena but you have to get up early for 5 A.M. mass for 9 consecutive days prior to Christmas. The mass ang singing are in Pilipino and they have a light breakfast after the services if you want to socialize with other parishioners. They also have the Easter Salubong services starting at 4 A.M. on Easter Sunday. I don’t know why these Filipinos like to get up so early(?).
　
Piglett, I wouldn’t be too concerned about the negative experiences of your buddy with Fil-Am events in Texas because I have not experienced any of that stuff here. We attended a Visayan Club Christmas party a couple of years ago where they imposed a fine on anyone caught speaking Tagalog, which I found a little weird, but other than that everything else was very cordial and people were very polite and friendly. No signs of the backbiting and gossiping reported by the other member. I should also explain that the Filipino community here in San Diego is predominantly military or retired military and military families are generally very tight and don’t engage in that sort of childish nonsense that was described by another member. Anyway, do form your own opinions based on your personal experiences there locally where you live and not on another guy’s negative experiences.
　
kfc, I didn’t realize that the Filipino community was so large in New York City until you started posting here. The feast day of San Lorenzo Ruiz is also celebrated here locally by the Filipino community in San Diego.
　
Ray
　
 
　

[piglett]

Piglett, I wouldn’t be too concerned about the negative experiences of your buddy with Fil-Am events in Texas because I have not experienced any of that stuff here. We attended a Visayan Club Christmas party a couple of years ago where they imposed a fine on anyone caught speaking Tagalog, which I found a little weird, but other than that everything else was very cordial and people were very polite and friendly. No signs of the backbiting and gossiping reported by the other member. I should also explain that the Filipino community here in San Diego is predominantly military or retired military and military families are generally very tight and don’t engage in that sort of childish nonsense that was described by another member. Anyway, do form your own opinions based on your personal experiences there locally where you live and not on another guy’s negative experiences.  Ray

You make some good points Ray
there are already a couple of pinays rite here in my small town that i intend to introduce my wife to. now if they don't get along it's not on me. I know one of them & she is quite conservative so i think her & my wife will do well together. I guess you just have to play it by ear. if being around a couple or a group of couples is not to your wife's liking then don't associate with them.
 
pig

[thekfc]

kfc, I didn’t realize that the Filipino community was so large in New York City until you started posting here. 

Yep, the NYC area do have a sizable Filipino population.

Ray, do you guys have a Philippines Independence Day Parade in your area? Someone told me that NYC is the only place in the USA where one is help, he said that other places have Independence Day festivals but not a parade.

[judy]

When Ed and I started dating while stationed in Japan, we attended many Filipino functions, my first Thanksgiving away from home was sponsered by the Fi-AM.  It was also my first turkeyless Thanksgiving.  We had lechon and it was held outside, never would have happened in my home state of Pennsylvania.
As we went to more parties,we found too much keeping up with the Jones and in fighting and junior high attitudes, "If you are the friend of so and so, you can't be my friend".
We have occasionaly gone to the local Ilocano and Fil-Am parties but only with close friends.
We have found that there was too much tis mis to become regular members.
 
Yours Judy
 
 
 

[seattlejoe]

When Ed and I started dating while stationed in Japan, we attended many Filipino functions, my first Thanksgiving away from home was sponsered by the Fi-AM.  It was also my first turkeyless Thanksgiving.  We had lechon and it was held outside, never would have happened in my home state of Pennsylvania.
As we went to more parties,we found too much keeping up with the Jones and in fighting and junior high attitudes, "If you are the friend of so and so, you can't be my friend".
We have occasionaly gone to the local Ilocano and Fil-Am parties but only with close friends.
We have found that there was too much tis mis to become regular members.
 
Yours Judy

    Hi Judy,
                          It's nice you are posting on Planet-love, my wife is also a Ilocano from Nueva Ecija. We live
                          in the Seattle area.  Have a great new year.

[z_k_g]

Before my wife even arrived in the USA, she was already bit leery of getting too involved in the local Fil-Am (Filipino-American Club). While she's quite sociable and outgoing with family, co-workers and a few select Filpina friends, she feels there's too much gossip, materialism, status seeking  and intrigue at Fil-Am events.

As we went to more parties,we found too much keeping up with the Jones and in fighting and junior high attitudes, "If you are the friend of so and so, you can't be my friend".
We have occasionaly gone to the local Ilocano and Fil-Am parties but only with close friends.
We have found that there was too much tis mis to become regular members.

But Japanese society can have a very rigid hierarchy (with the ambassador's wife at the top like an empress of the women's social scene), and my wife wants no part of that.  In marrying a foreigner, you are on a certain level rejecting some major parts of your own society's culture and its strictures.

Very interesting observations.

Sounds like the social structures travel as well as the wives.

This will be a challenge I will face...

Zulu

[seattlejoe]

Hi Robert,
              Great post, my wife and I tend to keep to ourselves.  I have attended a few Fil-Am parties in Seattle
               Too much drama for me. But I have had the pleasure to meet Ray S. and Dave H.
               from Planet-love. Both meetings went well.
               

[Ray]

Ray, do you guys have a Philippines Independence Day Parade in your area? Someone told me that NYC is the only place in the USA where one is help, he said that other places have Independence Day festivals but not a parade.

 
Yes, they have a parade and the usual festival with beauty pageant, food booths, entertainment, etc...
 
The REAL Philippine Independence Day was on July 4th until president Macapagal (Gloria's daddy) changed it to June 12th. I guess they wanted a date all to themselves?
 
July 4th in the Philippines is now designated as Fil-Am Friendship Day.
 
 
Ray
 
 
 
 
 

[Dave H]

Hi Robert,
              Great post, my wife and I tend to keep to ourselves.  I have attended a few Fil-Am parties in Seattle
               Too much drama for me. But I have had the pleasure to meet Ray S. and Dave H.
               from Planet-love. Both meetings went well.
             

Hey Fester,


Don't worry, I gave the police an  opposite description of you! You are now 6'4', thin, curly black hair, and Latino. 


When we lived in the US, we had a few Filipina friends (all married to Kanos). We were mostly homebodies, especially when we worked long hours and night shifts.  Many Filipinas married to Filipinos seemed to look down on Fil-Am couples in South Florida where we lived. There was even a pecking order among some Filipinas at our Catholic Church. But, all of the Filipino (men) seemed to get along well, regardless of their social status or wealth.


Dave