Are you sure you want to bring her home?

[vikingo]

Taking the average Columbiana under 50 years old out of her environment, no matter how poor, away from her immediate family is not an easy task, even if you have money to burn, have a big impressive home, provide her with her own car and let her buy what ever she wants. The newness and excitement wears off in two or three months and all she can think about is being backed home with her family. Things look somewhat in your favor if you are in a position to let her visit her family every three, a very maximum every six months, if she isn't terrified of flying that is, especially flying home alone.
Daily communication by whatever means with her family is a must. My gf is talking to her mom on the phone several times a day, every single day and they live only half an hour (by bus) apart.
If she is fluent in English and isn't worried that people laugh behind her back about her hilarious accent and her grammar, more power to the cause.
But now to the bad news; her new husband has children. She barely had a chance to get somewhat used to his quirks and to her his strange customs and behavior, now she is faced with being a step mother to children she barely understands and kids who barely understand her. They were raised by a gringa mother and not always raised the way she would have liked them to be raised.
The biological mother has parental rights and everything the foreign stepmother says is hogwash, what does she know, coming from a poor neighborhood where drug sales are a daily occurrence and most girls have sex at 12 and are pregnant at 14/15 years of age. Besides the new stepmother is most likely a rumbera who closed the doors at the local discotheque every Friday and Saturday night and had sex with who ever asked her. This will be mom’s assessment of the new step mother and she will say nothing kind about her to the children.
The stepmother in turn is furious with jealousy that the woman she hates the most is living down the street from her and interferes in her daily life.
Now let’s add one more obstacle into the equation.
Your new wife get’s pregnant. She is terrified to have her pregnancy and her baby in a strange world without her mom, sisters and girlfriends being present, giving advise  and caring for her.
A last word of warning: Never under any circumstances raise your voice at your beloved Columbiana or yell at her, it want go over well and she will remember it for a long time to come. Always be calm, cool and collected and for Haven’s sake familiarize yourself and learn all you can about her culture, her favorite music and the food she likes and got used to.
This advice is coming from an almost 73 year old man who had several serious relationships with Latinas throughout his entire life, the last two in Colombia.
And remember, Colombians, as most Latinas, don’t find much wrong by bending the truth a little, especially if it involves something they’d rather not talk about. It’s part of their culture and in their eyes it’s not a serious offense. And it has nothing to do with their education or lack thereof nor their barrio or estrato.
There are exceptions of course, but they are few.

Some of you have found your dream girl, brought her home and there is no end to your happiness. Congratulations,
I wish you nothing but the best for many years to come.
 

[V_Man]

Vikingo I don't know anything about these "Columbianas". Does one find them in Colombia as well?

[vikingo]

You are correct V_Man, I commited the unforgiveable.
I did figure out what happened though, using MS Office Word 2003 before I posted on the Net, Word's spell check kindly corrected 'colombiana' to 'Columbiana' for me, with a capital C, which is wrong also.
It also changed back to 'backed'. I've got to find a way to turn off Automatic Spell Check. Anybody knows how?
BTW, I don't seem to get the P-L Spell Check to work. What's the secret?

[opusone]

Bringing her back is more favorable, if she is poor, or not as educated as you are. If you have assets, and she is a professional, kiss it all good bye, or prepare for emasculation. They are all the same.

[Bob_S]

Bringing her back is more favorable, if she is poor, or not as educated as you are. If you have assets, and she is a professional, kiss it all good bye, or prepare for emasculation. They are all the same.

Had a bad experience you care to share with us?

[opusone]

Had a bad experience you care to share with us?

Never been married to one, or care to bring one back. For those that have, and it's worked I salute you, especially if you are rich.

[vikingo]

Opus, it seems Colombia is a hit or miss affair unless you get involved with a mature woman, someone over 40 without a job, because she sure as hell won't find one at that age. But that still isn't a guarantee that she will be happy far away from her family, friends and culture.
Where, in what Third World country, would you be comfortable looking for a bride?
Russia and the Ukraine are full of scammers and gold diggers, Colombia has it's share of interesadas, get involved with a Filipina you are expected to support the entire family.
The Dominican Republic seems to have more pro's than regular girls and in the agencies 20 year old Dominicas are excepting men up to 80 years old which seems mighty strange.
What are your thoughts on China? If those are current pictures they are displaying in the agencies, they appear awfully young for their age of 30 or 40.
Some of you have experience in the countries I mentioned. What are your recommendations?

[opusone]

Opus, it seems Colombia is a hit or miss affair unless you get involved with a mature woman, someone over 40 without a job, because she sure as hell won't find one at that age. But that still isn't a guarantee that she will be happy far away from her family, friends and culture.
Where, in what Third World country, would you be comfortable looking for a bride?
Russia and the Ukraine are full of scammers and gold diggers, Colombia has it's share of interesadas, get involved with a Filipina you are expected to support the entire family.
The Dominican Republic seems to have more pro's than regular girls and in the agencies 20 year old Dominicas are excepting men up to 80 years old which seems mighty strange.
What are your thoughts on China? If those are current pictures they are displaying in the agencies, they appear awfully young for their age of 30 or 40.
Some of you have experience in the countries I mentioned. What are your recommendations?

I think the country may be irrelevant. Her status,  I would contend, is more conducive to long term peace. If someone tells you that they can definitively state that it depends on her country of origin, they are either hallucinating, or , dabble in promoting falsehoods. Chinese women today, are different from the Chinese women of yesterday. Latin women today, are different form those of yesterday. The more educated and financially secure they are(without you), regardless of age, race, or country of origin, the more one should prepare for sharing power, submitting, and eventual emasculation. I issue a challenge to just walk around and look at men who marry foreign women that are educated or have tremendous potential to earn , and figure out who is in charge.

[InnocentVixen]

The more educated and financially secure they are(without you), regardless of age, race, or country of origin, the more one should prepare for sharing power, submitting, and eventual emasculation.

I agree, get a girl that is so insecure about the relationship and so afraid of losing you that she will be happy living locked up in the basement taking beatings with a smile.

I issue a challenge to just walk around and look at men who marry foreign women that are educated or have tremendous potential to earn , and figure out who is in charge.

The one that is not afraid to lose the other... I've seen poor girls take over in both good and bad ways, if you don't know how to handle things and she can, she will... but if she loves you she will do so in a way that will be respectful and try to nudge you in the right direction without disrespecting you, if she doesn't care about you then you will be just her personal ATM.


I think it's a matter of personality on both parts and I feel what we are talking about here is about dominating the other, which might work good in an arrangement of sorts but not in a marriage, since without respect there can't be love, without love there is no point in marriage if you ask me.

[aconcepts]

In my experience I see women arriving in the US quickly discover they can get younger and at times wealthier men than what they have and met in their home country.
 
Also men that are much more subservient and accepting of being told what to do.
 
If you cannot make a living overseas than I guess i understand why you would bring her home.
 
I have never really understood the logic of dislodging a womwn from her culture and family.
 
In my experience if they have a good family it keeps them in balance.
 
But if you are "marrying" a women 20 years younger or so, than to me that means blending families. So you have to ask what is her family going to think of her marrying someone much older.
 
If the family is strong and educated they may see the wisdom of this because people have been marrying for status, wealth and position much longer than for intuitive love.
 
The same can be said for a lower class/educated family, however you will have to deal with the opinions of the uneducated.
 
Soit get back to the family and thier expectations because you are "marrying" which to me means most likley kids in the picture (not always). That means long term bonds. Now if you are creating children why have their grandparents so far away. I would not want my grandkids living far from me. Would you?
 
This goes back to disolving communities to produce wealth through real estate speculation. We in the US see no problem uprooting and moving to another community to take a profit.
 
In Costa Rica you rarley see this happen.
 
Familes live in close proximity to one another. They see it as an advantage,
 
So here is an important cultural diference: proximity of family and importance of money.
 
Do you really want to take her away from her rock (family). Well if she is educated and experienced and has defined goals - maybe.
 
If she has no life or way of thinking other than her family and community - I would say don't do it. (but what do I know). Just my excriment you know.
 
Now if she is "preggars" (hahahaha) well that is different story again now is it not???
 
 
 

[aconcepts]

“But if she loves you she will do so in a way that will be respectful and try to nudge you in the right direction without disrespecting you, if she doesn't care about you then you will be just her personal ATM.”

Wow is that “spot-on” or what?

“I think it's a matter of personality on both parts and I feel what we are talking about here is about dominating the other, which might work good in an arrangement of sorts but not in a marriage, since without respect there can't be love, without love there is no point in marriage if you ask me.”

“Yowser” Inovix…. Quite right mate.

However remember that are at least four loves according to C.S. Lewis:

Erotic love
Need love
Gift love
Friendship love

To have all four is rare.

Without respectful love, there is no marriage. This is the point as what we all long for is to be heard and respected. Carefulness is the basis of respectful love. To care enough to consider the other’s feeling about what you say before you say it anchors a solid relationship.

Communication is important. However, women try to deluge a relationship with words and think they are communicating. Many times, they are merely confusing rather than communicating.

Quantity of word is no substitution for quality.

Long winded or short winded does not matter as long as there is meat to the conversation, which progresses the topic or makes the other consider a different angle.

[z_k_g]

........get involved with a Filipina you are expected to support the entire family.

This is totally UNTRUE!

The fact is most Filipino families have many children that help the mother and father in thier twilight years.  This is mainly because there is no social security in the Philippines and taking care of the older parents and sometimes the younger children who may need funds to attend college falls on the older siblings.

However all of the children (and the husbands and wives of the children) share in the care and support of the parents.

You are not obligated to spend one piso on the "entire family".  In fact you are not even obligated to help support the parents, but its the Filipino way and part of the tradition, and you not only married a beautiful pinay but you have also adopted some of her culture.

If you marry a scammer she will encourage you to assist relatives, friends family and with all type of emergencies and special requests for cash, ie the "sick buffalo", etc, but this is not normal and not exclusive to the Philippines and can happen in LA, Russia, or anywhere else.

"You have support a pinays entire family" is a lie that is told over and over again and should be stopped.

Zulu

[beginthebeguin]

I_V sez

The one that is not afraid to lose the other... I've seen poor girls take over in both good and bad ways, if you don't know how to handle things and she can, she will... but if she loves you she will do so in a way that will be respectful and try to nudge you in the right direction without disrespecting you, if she doesn't care about you then you will be just her personal ATM.


I think it's a matter of personality on both parts and I feel what we are talking about here is about dominating the other, which might work good in an arrangement of sorts but not in a marriage, since without respect there can't be love, without love there is no point in marriage if you ask me.

Personally I_V, I like those kind of 'nudges'. If a woman takes the time and the effort to be diplomatic with her partner she is showing a lot of respect. And a woman doing it in a loving way demonstrates that it is more of an art form than a task for her.
 
 

[opusone]

I agree, get a girl that is so insecure about the relationship and so afraid of losing you that she will be happy living locked up in the basement taking beatings with a smile.

 The one that is not afraid to lose the other... I've seen poor girls take over in both good and bad ways, if you don't know how to handle things and she can, she will... but if she loves you she will do so in a way that will be respectful and try to nudge you in the right direction without disrespecting you, if she doesn't care about you then you will be just her personal ATM.


I think it's a matter of personality on both parts and I feel what we are talking about here is about dominating the other, which might work good in an arrangement of sorts but not in a marriage, since without respect there can't be love, without love there is no point in marriage if you ask me.

Only an idiot. would become a personal ATM simply because a girl is poor and cunning. Women are hardwired to nurture, find those that are willing to nurture. Cultural behavioral traits train genes to do otherwise, and only a beta male would allow a woman to take advantage of him. This is not about personality traits. It is the times we live in. It's called reality.

[JimD]

...she will encourage you to assist relatives, friends family and with all type of emergencies and special requests for cash, ie the "sick buffalo", etc...

Having some veterinary experience I'm curious to know how much they ask for for the "sick buffalo".

[braziliangirl]

Only an idiot. would become a personal ATM simply because a girl is poor and cunning. Women are hardwired to nurture, find those that are willing to nurture. Cultural behavioral traits train genes to do otherwise, and only a beta male would allow a woman to take advantage of him. This is not about personality traits. It is the times we live in. It's called reality.

And only an idiot would skip a woman just because she is educated and not poor. The analysis has to go beyond that, you have to evaluate her character. A good woman is a good woman. She can't be blamed for having had more opportunities.

[opusone]

And only an idiot would skip a woman just because she is educated and not poor. The analysis has to go beyond that, you have to evaluate her character. A good woman is a good woman. She can't be blamed for having had more opportunities.

I would take a poor ,uneducated one any day, and spoil her to death, than a rich, educated one, that would debate every single thing I wish to do.  Do you think there is any secret as to why the divorce rate in this country is as high as it is? You have your tolerance, I have mine. What  makes you happy is certainly not what makes me happy and I could care less if a man ,marries a rich educated woman. As I said earlier, if he can tolerate it, and it works, good for him, but I wont be recommending it, especially if he has a lot of assets. I am not talking about someone who lives from check to check or who has no serious earning potential. I also would not recommend that women who have inherited loads of cash to date men who are seriously educated about money . Happiness for me , is staying away from things that have the potential to make me unhappy. Parting with me money, would make me seriously unhappy for a long , long time. Matters of the heart, will make you sick, and you shall suffer from depression with no end in sight. Couple that with being broke , and feel even more pain. You can't understand that yet? The difference between you and I , is the fact that I am equally laying blame . You, can figure out what you think you are doing when you get to that point.

[Jeff S]

As much as I'd like to contribute to this conversation, I can't because I have an appointment back on planet Earth.

[robert angel]

As much as I'd like to contribute to this conversation, I can't because I have an appointment back on planet Earth.

Ditto!!!!

[z_k_g]

As much as I'd like to contribute to this conversation, I can't because I have an appointment back on planet Earth.

Spot on!

Zulu

[opusone]

As much as I'd like to contribute to this conversation, I can't because I have an appointment back on planet Earth.

Planet earth, is whatever you decide to make it. I don't expect nothing less of you as a moderator. You figure it out.

[Bob_S]

Spot on!

Zulu

Kingly!

[Ray]

This is totally UNTRUE!

The fact is most Filipino families have many children that help the mother and father in thier twilight years.  This is mainly because there is no social security in the Philippines and taking care of the older parents and sometimes the younger children who may need funds to attend college falls on the older siblings.

However all of the children (and the husbands and wives of the children) share in the care and support of the parents.

You are not obligated to spend one piso on the "entire family".  In fact you are not even obligated to help support the parents, but its the Filipino way and part of the tradition, and you not only married a beautiful pinay but you have also adopted some of her culture.

If you marry a scammer she will encourage you to assist relatives, friends family and with all type of emergencies and special requests for cash, ie the "sick buffalo", etc, but this is not normal and not exclusive to the Philippines and can happen in LA, Russia, or anywhere else.

"You have support a pinays entire family" is a lie that is told over and over again and should be stopped.

Zulu

 
There is a social security system in the Philippines. It's called SSS and has been around for over 50 years.
 
 
Ray
 
 

[thekfc]

There is a social security system in the Philippines. It's called SSS and has been around for over 50 years.
 
Ray

Yep, as Ray stated there is!

Here is the link for anyone who is interested.
http://www.sss.gov.ph/sss/index.html

[JimD]

Thekfc that link may be of interest to those interested in world social programs. Since this is after all the Latin Forum it is apropriate to post one for SISBEN, the entity corrosponding to Colombia:
http://www.cali.gov.co/publicaciones.php?id=3383