Manila, General Santos, Surigao, Siargao, Cebu 2011

[braziliangirl]

I will give one thing to the 7th Day Adventists, they follow the letter of the Bible much more closely and consistently than most other branches of Christianity.

Really? I don’t know about the Philippines, but in Brazil it's all about Ellen White’s interpretations and prophecies.

[Woody]

Really? I don’t know about the Philippines, but in Brazil it's all about Ellen White’s interpretations and prophecies.

I can only speak to my personal experience with SDAs. They were, at least for the ones I have interacted with, pretty much your every day protestants with dietary limitations and not going to church on Sundays. I never got into a deep discussion about the Prophets if their particular branch, mostly because I avoid discussions of that nature when it is not relevant to a continuing relationship. A Filipina I was talking to in the past was a SDA, but after I explained my religious view to her, she had no problem with them. I made it very clear that I am comfortable with my (lack of) beliefs but that as long as her beliefs did not interfere with MY life, I had no problem whatsoever with hers. That is really what it comes down to for me when it comes to religion.

[thekfc]

I just came from the Food Bazaar supermarket that is about 4 blocks from my home & guess what I saw - see pic below.

I though that my eyes were deceiving me so I walk over to take a closer look & chatted with one of the guys at the door.

It is an INC branch!!!

They are opening an INC branch right here in The Bronx.

Thinking about it, Strategically that would be a good location for them - they get The Bronx, Westchester/Hudson Valley, lower Connecticut, part of North East New Jersey  & upper Manhattan crowd. It is less than 5 minutes off exit 3 on I-95 & right below the Cross Bronx Expressway, plus public transportation are near by - Metro North, MTA trains & buses.

They took over an old church & are currently doing renovations - painting the inside, etc.
The guy told me that the dedication will be Dec 31st & will be for members only but they will invite people later. He wanted my phone # so he can call me when they start inviting. I kindly declined & told him since I live in the area I will drop by when I am ready.

[piglett]

 THE CULT IS STILL ALIVE & IS NOW SPEADING 
 
pig

[JWR]

And I think they are after me.......!
 
I will now travel under my new code name......W.A.T.M.

[z_k_g]

And I think they are after me.......!
 
I will now travel under my new code name......W.A.T.M.

JWR,

They are after all of us!

Finish your story!!

Zulu

[piglett]

ya stop holding out mr. atm & finish that trip report.
there are hundreds of lurkers that will never post on here & they all want to know the ending
 
take care
pig

[JWR]

 Ok so now we are at the Romantic Beach Villas small resort in Siargao and we both are coming down with a cold, so we lost a few days to just hanging out in our room watching movies, having breakfast together, having dinner and lunch served on our little balcony, and renting a motorcycle to just ride around the island (300 pesos half day).  We also rented a boat for a nice trip out to a coral reef for some snorkeling. In my gf’s mind, we were on our way to the altar, and would be married within a year.  In my mind, I was still observing her and I together, and attempting to determine if we were a good fit.  What I was starting to notice in my behavior is that I was spending too much time worrying if she was having a good time, hungry, if everything was ok, and generally trying to please her.  Now she’s not demanding, and she wasn’t complaining, but she just wasn’t as cheerful as I had hoped she would be.  She has a wonderful smile when she shows it, and I just wanted to see her smiling more.  Because we had colds, I assumed that she just didn’t feel good (I know I sure didn’t).  I think I was hoping that she would be a little more attentive to me.  But as we started to feel better, and I got to know her better, I just started to realize that her base line happiness level is pretty low.  This is a girl that lives in poverty, and worries about food for her family.  I guess I was just expecting her to be a little more  happy about taking a break from that life and enjoying a side of life that she had never seen before.  It’s quite difficult to determine the economic level of a girl while chatting with her because of course they have pride.  In photos, my gf was always dressed very nicely, and some of her family was employed. 
 
The other thing I was also noticing was that we didn’t really talk much.  We hung out, watched TV, and did some things, but our communication level was very, very basic.  Now I don’t know what I should expect me 48, her 25, and from another culture, but I was sort of getting bored with our interactions.
 
One other thing that was on my mind is her handling of our plans meeting family and friends in Gensan, and how much money this 1^st week had cost me.  She seemed oblivious to the fact that whenever she made some plans to see her friends and family, it cost me a lot, and I paid, and paid.  I fully expected to pay for food for her family and had already offered to pay for and host a party for her friends and family, but it got out of hand.   I was just sort of left with a hollow feeling that it should have been enough to fly to the end of the earth to meet her, and feeding the town for a week should not have been expected of me.  As I was paying, and going through the motions, it bothered me a little, but as the 1^st week went on, I started to get pissed off.  Finally after financing two big parties for her family, and a trip to Shakeys, she wanted to take all the family to the beach for the day.  She said it won’t cost much because we can “bring our own food”, but I knew I was going to have to pay for the van, and another big trip to the grocery.  I finally just said no, that’s it.  If they want to come over to the hotel and swim for the afternoon, ok, but I’m not paying for another big day.  At that point I had already also paid for another trip to Shakey’s pizza for her best friend’s family, 2 guitar singing parties with food for her friends, and a trip to the (starbucks) for her cult friends.  Well you say, “how much does a shakey’s pizza cost?”  Well they don’t just eat pizza, because pizza is not a meal.  Chicken and all sorts of other foods get ordered at the shakey’s.  Funny thing is throughout this I was actually thinking that Zulu was going to give me a lot of crap when I get back for letting myself turn into the local Gensan walking ATM……  Well it sort of happens slowly, and it’s just hard to resist with a pretty girl whispering in your ear.  Looking back, I now also see that before any of these gatherings, I got A LOT of attention…….Mmmmm what do you call this sort of trade?
 
Now some of you may start to think that I’m a cheap tard.  Well, for a vacation, I was enjoying myself, and giving freely.  Her friends and family were eating, and enjoying things that they usually don’t get to enjoy.  That was fun.  But at that time I was considering my gf for wife material, and her lack of peso accounting, was starting to scare me, and did not bode well for spending restraint in the future here in the US.  In other words, red flags were on the hoist.
 
Another thing that was also starting to worry me is her obsessive fear of the sun, and her skin getting slightly tan.  I knew that Pinays like light skin, and don’t want to get tan, but for crying out loud, we are at a beach resort, trying to snorkel, paddle board, and swim at the beach.  Every time she got in the sun she started going on and on about the dangers of the sun.  I was losing patience with this inane dialog.  Hey I’m a yacht Captain and have spent my entire life in the sun.  My life will also include plenty of more sun in the future, and I just don’t need a wife that is so scared to go outside on sunny days, that it affects our fun.  I kept telling her to just relax and enjoy, “I’ll still love you if you are a little more  brown.” 
 
When I also would talk about sailing in the ocean, she would interrupt and start talking about how dangerous that would be, and how scared she would be.  Well, I can understand this is outside her realm of imagination, and how she would be a little nervous with the idea, but I need a girl with an open mind to future adventures.  One time I was showing her some of the sailing I was interested in on my computer in our Hotel room, and explaining some of my adventures, and she just walked away from me mid sentence while I was showing her a website.  It was showing me a complete lack of interest in learning about me, and my passions.  I was there in her country learning all about her, and her friends and family, and 5 minutes was too much for her to sit there and look at some of my sailing adventures.  Hey not everybody is interested in sailing, but I’ve voyaged 30,000 miles all over the world, and most people would think that was interesting for more then 5 minutes…..
 
But there were other activities that we did together many times, that made all the red flags stop waving……
 
But then the flags would go back up…….
 
So after a week at the resort in Siargao, I was getting antsy, and wanting to see more of the Philippines.  I was still fantasizing about living there, and wanted to possibly scope out a spot to live.  So we decided to go to Cebu.  We needed to get to Surigao on Mindanao to catch a flight to Cebu.  From Cebu I planned to return to Manila at the end of my 3^rd week and put her on a plane back to Gensan.  I asked her to check on the ferry schedule and let me know what boat she thought it would be best to catch to Surigao.  She decided on the express “Banca”.  It’s basically a 2 hour ride in a over crowded noisy pump boat with wood bench seats.  We decided to get back to the ferry landing the same way we got to the resort.  3 on a small motorcycle called a “hubble hubble”  After our moto taxi arrived we strapped our bags on the back and began our 20 minute return to the ferry landing.  About 10 minutes into the ride, the rain started coming down heavily.  Now this moto has a roof and a plastic windshield that the driver rolled down so we weren’t getting too wet, but our bags got pretty wet.  The rain was coming down very very heavily, and I was really hoping the driver wasn’t going to kill us, but again we survived.  The ferry “express banca” was much smaller then I expected, but I’m always up for a nautical adventure.   I actually jokingly tried to get my gf to talk to the Capt. and arrange for me to sit on the bridge to see how this thing operated, but she just wouldn’t help at all with that….oh well.  After we boarded the banca, they loaded an extremely sick 10 year old girl laying on a stretcher on the boat.  She had IVs in her, and I think she was near death.  At the landing, an ambulance was waiting for her.  Also after she was loaded, my gf suggested we move away from the girl to the back of the boat for fear or “catching some dreadful disease” that might kill us.  She has done a lot of volunteer work with very poor people in the mountains and outer provinces setting up temporary clinics so she certainly is used to being around sick people.  We moved…..to other seats.
 
When we arrived in Surigao, we had to spend the night before we caught the plane to Cebu, so we went back to the Gateway hotel for a night.  After a tricycle ride to chow king, some movies and a comfortable night, the next morning we were off to catch our Cebu Pacific flight to cebu.
 
When we arrived at Cebu, I wanted to check into a B&B called the Banana something…..  I had directions, but when we got into the cab, and started driving the 10 minutes to the place, the cab couldn’t find it.  We went round and round…..tried to call them but a cell can’t call a land line or something.  Finally pulled over and called them, but even then, the directions weren’t good enough.  It wasn’t that complicated, and the place turned out to be right across from a major pharmacy, but the point was is that my gf was so far out of her element, that she just couldn’t accomplish the task of doing what it takes to get us to where we wanted to go.    She was just at a loss as how to go about solving this little problem.  The cab driver didn’t speak English, and I kept asking her to to translate for me so that I could finally get involved.  She would translate a few words,then go back to tagalog.  When I asked her why she wouldn’t translate, she said, “he’s not saying anything important.”  Ok so now we are into this about an hour, and we just aren’t making any progress at all, so I asked her to ask the driver if he knows of another resort.  They jabber back and forth and back and forth while we are driving and driving in circles.  Well after another half an hour we pull up to this little resort on the beach.  She was clearly frustrated, and didn’t want to look at anymore resorts (time of the month).  I wanted to keep looking at a couple more places and was actually enjoying the ride around the area, but her attitude was just not very good by this point, so I booked the room for the night…..2200 pesos including not very good breakfast.  And the trend continued with me asking her “how she’s doing” and making sure she’s ok…..  What a bore.
 
That night we went to dinner at the resort, and she ordered this dish with a huge amount of fried carcass.  It was enough for an entire family, and when the bill came, it was also expensive.  She was shocked at the price, and told me that she had not read the menu properly and hadn’t seen the price.  Ok I wasn’t complaining about the bill and was ok with it.  Really not much different then a dinner out at the soupantation in San Diego, but for the Phils, it was pricey.  Well when it came to spending money on her friends and family, it was ok, and she never complained, but when it came to spending money on our trip, there was a lot of outrage and shock…..whatever.
 
The service was poor at the hotel, and I didn’t like being so far away from the city, so I went online that night and started looking for another place to finish out our week in Cebu.  I found  http://mactanislandapartments.com/  and called and made arrangements to move there the next morning.  When we arrived at the place, I had the weirdest feeling because it looked just like the building that my apartment was in Baranquilla.  It was like de ja vu and I almost had the cab just continue on because that BAQ apartment carried some very sad memories for me.  In my BAQ apartment, I had to be taken to the hospital one time by ambulance because of such terrible food poisoning that I couldn’t even get out of bed.  Also in that apartment in BAQ I was getting over my divorce with my Colombiana, and it did not hold happy memories at all.  So here I am at the Philippine version of the same apartment, and it sent shivers down my spine.  Oh well, out of the cab and up to the apartment we went.  Wow it was super nice and nothing like the BAQ dump.  Exterior of the building not pretty, but inside the apartments were really nice with kitchen, flat screen, cable internet, living room, and for 1900 pesos per night.  We moved in.    It was also a short walk from a shopping center with all sorts of restaurants and stores. 
 
One morning while eating breakfast at Mc Donalds, the sun just hit her mouth just right and I could see that she had cavities in some of her teeth.  I asked her how long it had been since she had been to the dentist?  She said she got a free checkup a couple months ago....    Yea right....good job.  So I suggested that we go to the dentist for a "teeth cleaning". When we got there, the dentist clearly did not like me because I later found out that alot of foreigners act like jerks in Mactan and have no patience.  Well, ok she warmed up to me a bit, and showed me all the cavities that needed fixed in my gf's mouth.  I just could not bare the thought that we were living the life we were living, eating in these restaraunts, and my gf having a mouth full of cavities.  So I told the dentist to fix them all now, and what time should I return.  I asked my gf if that would be ok, and she said yes.  So I went and got a Thai massage while she got her teeth fixed.  3000 pesos later, her teeth were white, shiney and new....  Of course a week later, now that I am back in San Diego, she is complaining of jaw and tooth pain.  She told me that she can't understand why the dentist had to fill her teeth because they weren't hurting before.  Well I said, "you know your Mom only has 4 teeth in her mouth because of that sort of dental program, so your teeth needed fixed or you could lose them.  So I am getting blamed a bit for her pain......  My idea to fix her teeth.  I told her to go tomorrow and see the dentist in Gensan and see what's going on.  She says that it's too expensive....well I told her I would pay and this is important.  So I think she is seeing a friend who is a dentist in Davao tomorrow.  I'm thinking about asking her to have the dentist email me the invoice.......before I Western Union the money.
 

 
Well at this point I was actually pretty bored with our relationship, and was thinking how I could send her back to Gensan a week early without humiliating her, and causing a lot of hurt feelings.  Results were is that this was just not possible, so I just hung in there.  We had some fun moments going to Ayala mall and seeing a movie at the IMAX.  Ayala is about 25 minutes by cab from Mactan Island and there is a lot of traffic.  One morning we went over for breakfast, and the cab driver was trying to pull something funny on the kano.  Driving and driving, then I didn’t have the proper amount of change.  So I was not in the best mood that morning, and I dug my heels in.  The cab driver said,”no change”.  I said,” that’s your problem, you need to carry enough change.”  I had 220 or a 500 bill and the fare was 250.  I said I’m not giving you 500, you take the 220.  He just sat there and said no change.  So I got more pissed and raised my voice just a bit.  I said, hey your problem you don’t have change, you take the 220.  We got out, and I shoved  it to him.  So my gf was sort of shocked that I had raised my voice a bit at this cab driver.  Hey she’s right, I shouldn’t have lost my cool a bit, but I still wasn’t feeling very good with the flu, and it was just one of those “travel moments” that I had to be the ugly American.  You say why didn’t I have change?  Well all the change and small bills went to the street children, or buying street food for them.
 
One note on the Ayala mall.  It’s gigantic, and full of pretty girls working there.  I’m not completely sure that this chat thing has much value at all.  The girl can be so different when you get there, then she is in chat.  I really now think that a guy can just show up, meet girls working in the mall, and have a good trip.  I actually think a guy could meet his wife “to be” in the Manila airport just by talking to the girls that work there.  Chat is something to do before the next trip, but I really don’t know…..
 
One thing I noticed was that we had trouble walking together.  If I walked slow, she walked even slower and behind.  One time I asked her to walk by my side and she actually got sort of angry, and told me that I always walk too fast.  This “blaming” thing is sort of part of her personality.
 
So the week was coming to a close, and I booked her a flight back to Gen San one morning.  I booked it a day early, so I would have one day by myself in Cebu.  I thought to myself that this is not a good sign that I’m wanting to get her out one day early.  If the relationship was really good, I would be wanting to spend every last moment together.  I put her in a cab the last moment, and she cried.   After she left, I went and got a Thai massage, and took it easy.
 
The following morning I was up at 4 AM to catch my Philippine Airline flight to Manila for the Delta Connection home.  After breathing more air contaminated with flu, and cold, a $ 13.00 Mc Donalds, combo meal in Tokyo, some movies, and a sore butt, I was walking across the parking lot at my marina near the airport in San Diego breathing the cool air, and a quick hose off of my boat, and an engine start….  Hey it was great to be home.  Cold and flu round two…..
 
Now that I’ve been home a week or so, I’m easing off the relationship, we’ve had some pretty ugly chat conversations about her cult, and an ugly chat conversation about the amount of money that I was pressured to spend that 1^st week in Gensan.  She’s said some pretty unkind things to me online, and I guess I’ve been a bit of a jerk too.
 
Before the chats started to get sort of ugly she happily told me about a dream she had.  She told me that the night before she had a dream about me, and in the dream, my “body was thinner, and my face looked younger”.    Hey I’m no Brad Pitt…I’m 48 now, 6’2”, and 200 lbs.  Blonde hair, blue eyes.  I’m just an average shmo.  She always tells me how good looking I am, and she certainly showed she had chemistry for me in the Phils, but this comment about the dream was pretty deflating for me.  Hey maybe I’m being too sensitive, but with all the other stuff that has gone on, it bummed me out.
 
As I read back over this last post again, it sounds a bit cold to me.  I had really high hopes for our relationship, and strong feelings for her.  I'm sad that it has turned out this way, but I enjoyed the adventure and learned alot about the Phils.  One other thing,   I had no expectations for sex, and was fully prepared to respect any of her wishes concerning this issue.  I simply followed "her" lead on this issue.
 
 
 Yesterday I talked with two breeders about a new vizsla puppy in January.  Dogs make better companions I’m really starting to believe.

[mambocowboy]

Great trip report JWR.

[thekfc]

Good report.

I would like to point out a few things & I hope that the  future travelers could learn a few things from it.

The not talking much - she is waiting for you to initiate & lead the conversations.

Paying for the parties and such - Why are you paying for her friend's family & singing parties? You kept offering to pay therefore the request kept growing. You have to set the tone early - whatever tone you set is what they will follow.  Remember you are the CEO of an American company so......
Avoiding the sun - that is very common. Most (not all) Filipinas do try to avoid the sun.
Walking fast - at first my wife told me that I was walking fast (which I was but didn't notice at first) & I did slow down. You are 6'0" & she is 5'2", so one step for you is like 2-3 steps for her.

My wife never walked behind me and was by my side whenever we were out, she would hold onto my arms when we were in certain areas.

The taxi drivers with no change - that have been mention in here numerous times & how to handle them.

Hotels - always do a read up on a few hotels in area you are. Locations, reviews by previous travels, etc,.

Dentist - to you the cost may be minimal but to them it isn't. Not that many people go to see the dentist not just because they cannot afford it but the little money they have is usually put to better use in their views.

 "I'm thinking about asking her to have the dentist email me the invoice.......before I Western Union the money" - There is no Bill-Me-Later in the PI.

"I put her in a cab the last moment, and she cried" - basically you "abandon" her. Even if things wasn't going the way you wanted, wouldn't it have been better if you personally took her to the airport?

You got deflated over that dream?

"Yesterday I talked with two breeders about a new vizsla puppy in January.  Dogs make better companions I’m really starting to believe." - hmmmm.

There is a reason we tell the folks who past by to read the archives (especially the trip reports) and we always recommend "Cultural Shock! Philippines".
http://www.amazon.com/Culture-Philippines-Survival-Customs-Etiquette/dp/1558680896
http://www.amazon.com/Culture-Shock-Philippines-Etiquette-Cultureshock/dp/0761456716

[Ray]

 
Thanks for the detailed report JW!
 
Let's see if I can put my assessment in picture form...
 
 
 
                                    
 
 
 
In summation...
 
 
 

 
 
Too many red flags bud!
 
 
Good luck with this one...
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Ray]

 
JWR,
 
I liked the Gateway Hotel and stayed there a couple of times.
 
I was married in Surigao City and our wedding reception was at the Gateway.
 
Do they still have the Sagisi Bar in the back?
 
 
Ray
 
 
 

[Bob_S]

Too many red flags bud!

Good luck with this one...

Yep.  Where's your dump truck pic, Ray?

She sounds pretty manipulative if you are too weak-willed and easily controlled by pretty eyes and sweet cooing words.  Like a bene gesserit in training.  So, J-Dub, it would be pretty cruel to drop her over the holidays.  But right after the New Years, it might be a good idea to make a clean break.  I'd say, "Clearly we are not a good match.  You need a man who is younger, richer, and more stupid.  So, let's call it quits, and good luck with your search."  Then run like hell and don't look back.

[thekfc]

Yep.  Where's your dump truck pic, Ray?

He forgot where he parked it. 

[piglett]

He forgot where he parked it. 

I'm sure he will be by soon to pick up this load of shyte.
 
my advice Jwr , bail before there is a train wreck & you are caught up in it for the next 18 years.
 
good luck
pig

[Ray]

Yep.  Where's your dump truck pic, Ray?

 
I rented the truck out to the Latin Forum.
 
 
I think they lost it on Bolivia's Death road... 
 
 
Ray
 
 

[JWR]

Thanks alot guys for the input.......
 
I only heard about the book culture shock from piglet right before I left.
 
You know I read most of the archives before I went, but it's funny how once you are there, things just go differently then you anticipate.  It just seems like you lose control pretty quickly from the basic plan.
 
Like paying for the parties: Help me out here ok.  She says she has friends that want to meet me, they come over and I end up picking up the tab.  I don't offer,but they just order and don't have money.  So what words should I have used to lay down the rules?  Would you have just said, "Ok invite your friends over, but I'm not paying for anything they order or eat, tell them to bring their own money"?  Would that have been how you would have said it?
 
We usually walked arm and arm, so she didn't walk behind me more then a couple times.  I was walking very slowly almost a crawl.....She told me that she wanted to hang onto me so another girl wouldn't grab me.
"I put her in a cab the last moment, and she cried" - basically you "abandon" her. Even if things wasn't going the way you wanted, wouldn't it have been better if you personally took her to the airport?
 
Yes I agree, we talked about me going with her to the airport, and she didn't want me to go.  I wanted to ride in the cab with her, but she said security wouldn't let me in the terminal to wait for her flight with her without a ticket, and the cab ride was only 5 minutes.  This had nothing to do with how things were going.  I agree it looks not so good.
 
I fully understood why she hadn't seen a dentist.  This did not surprise me after seeing how much her family struggled with paying for basic needs.  Helping her fix her teeth was easy for me, and I thought would be good for her.
 
I really try to not judge her for anything even after the red flags.  I have not walked in her shoes, and I have no idea how I would handle living in the same circumstances that she lives under. The only real judgement I've made in this situation is that we are just not a good match......

 
 
 

Good report.

I would like to point out a few things & I hope that the  future travelers could learn a few things from it.

The not talking much - she is waiting for you to initiate & lead the conversations.

Paying for the parties and such - Why are you paying for her friend's family & singing parties? You kept offering to pay therefore the request kept growing. You have to set the tone early - whatever tone you set is what they will follow.  Remember you are the CEO of an American company so......
Avoiding the sun - that is very common. Most (not all) Filipinas do try to avoid the sun.
Walking fast - at first my wife told me that I was walking fast (which I was but didn't notice at first) & I did slow down. You are 6'0" & she is 5'2", so one step for you is like 2-3 steps for her.

My wife never walked behind me and was by my side whenever we were out, she would hold onto my arms when we were in certain areas.

The taxi drivers with no change - that have been mention in here numerous times & how to handle them.

Hotels - always do a read up on a few hotels in area you are. Locations, reviews by previous travels, etc,.

Dentist - to you the cost may be minimal but to them it isn't. Not that many people go to see the dentist not just because they cannot afford it but the little money they have is usually put to better use in their views.

 "I'm thinking about asking her to have the dentist email me the invoice.......before I Western Union the money" - There is no Bill-Me-Later in the PI.

"I put her in a cab the last moment, and she cried" - basically you "abandon" her. Even if things wasn't going the way you wanted, wouldn't it have been better if you personally took her to the airport?

You got deflated over that dream?

"Yesterday I talked with two breeders about a new vizsla puppy in January.  Dogs make better companions I’m really starting to believe." - hmmmm.

There is a reason we tell the folks who past by to read the archives (especially the trip reports) and we always recommend "Cultural Shock! Philippines".
http://www.amazon.com/Culture-Philippines-Survival-Customs-Etiquette/dp/1558680896
http://www.amazon.com/Culture-Shock-Philippines-Etiquette-Cultureshock/dp/0761456716

[piglett]

correct bad match
doesn't make you bad
doesn't make her bad
but it just will not work so time to move on
 
 
pig

[JWR]

I didn't see the bar area.....we never got back to that part of the hotel.
 
Thanks for the march of the red flags..... I knew it pretty early in the trip, but that is a one of the challenges of the "one girl, one trip" approach.  Meet the family 1st day, friends 2nd day, learn it's not a good match 1st week and try to "do no harm".  How do you get out early without family embarrassment, and alot of bad feelings??  What's the hippocratic oath of a Dr.?
 


 

 
 
 
 

JWR,
 
I liked the Gateway Hotel and stayed there a couple of times.
 
I was married in Surigao City and our wedding reception was at the Gateway.
 
Do they still have the Sagisi Bar in the back?
 
 
Ray

[piglett]

ha ha , you could call it
" work called & i have to return return early so i will not get fired"
as long as you have not told them that you work for yourself it mite work. however i know you already let it be known that you worked for yourself, you told on yourself man. DOWNPLAY !!!!
next time you are just an employee & work on a boat.
you don't have much money, you have a small house even if it's huge.
 
good luck
pig
 
 

[z_k_g]

JWR,

......Ray's dump truck will appear shortly.....but I'm sure you know that!

Dude,

You obviously didn't read the archives.....or missed some major shyt!

I spent almost 2 months reading before I ever made one post.....It did me good.

I really don't want to dump on you any more than necessary....but....I'll just give you some advice and try to keep it simple...

1.  I don't think you were an ATM.  Based on what you wrote this young pinay just was along for the kano spending express and you were the conductor.   Once you start spending, its hard to stop.  Her friends just joined along following your lead. 

I don't think she had an agenda for your wallet rather you were simply being JWR.  Nothing wrong with that...but you were not prepared.

I think the hardest part of any interaction with a pinay is monetary.  Why?  Because no matter what you do everything comes down to money, specifically, the fact that you have so much of it!!   What you spend on a hotel room (1800 pisos) most filipinos don't see in a week.  That's barely 50 bucks but in the Phils that a nice piece of change.   

I think your mistake was treating her to such an extravagant vacation package before you got to know her and just plain overspending even tho the monetary outlay was, for you, not that much in dollars.

Based on your report, you made it about money, she didn't.

This advice has been given over and over, but it rings true...leave money out of the equation, period.

2. Based on what you wrote, you are not compatible with this pinay.  I chatted with more than 300 pinays to find 3.  Then I spend a considerable amount of time weeding out 2, until it was one.

Filipinas speak and write excellent English.  But....its really not English as we know it and in my opinion you get lulled into a false sense of them understanding and relating to you. 

They do not.....

You have to understand this to fully appreciate how difficult it is to establish a meaningful interpersonal relationship with a pinay or any woman who is not raised in America.

Its not easy, but its very very doable as proven by the many successful marriages on P-L.

It takes a lot of time however and you cannot assume anything.

Once you get past the pretty face, youthful body etc you have to really spend time getting to know the person.  This takes time.  You have to ask the hard questions and reveal who you really are at the same time. 

Robert has written about this type of raw discussion many times. He is so right. 

Maybe you didn't think it was necessary because you would do this once you got there and things were going so well. 

JWR, I think this was your first mistake even before you got in your car to travel to depart for the Philippines. 

I don't think that chatting was your problem.  (And quite frankly, if you think any of the women you meet in the streets of Cebu or Manila will be fitting for a meaningful relationship, you would be wrong? Would you use that same logic if you traveled to NYC or Miami airport?  There are hot women everywhere, doesn't mean they are wife material.)

You didn't ask enough of the right questions or maybe she didn't give you truthful or full answers.

You like sailing and this is the first time she has heard about it?  If that was a deal breaker then you should have already peeped her.

Your mistake.

3.  Some Pinays HATE the sun.  You just now finding this out?  Seriously?  Go back to #2 and do more homework on the Philippines!

4.  You sent her on her way in a taxi?   Very tacky...regardless of how you felt, be a gentleman.  I understand you had to get her out of your hair a day earlier, but you could have been more sensitive....just sayin....

5.  I got my sweetie a full dental exam (her first) and all the necessary dental work.  Payment is expected when work is completed, but some dentists will agree to a time payment is asked by a kano  (in person). 

6.  Don't think with your little head or with pinay goggles on.  No need to elaborate here.

7.  Budget (even if you don't need too).  Make sure you get her input so you can get a feel for what she feels is "normal" in terms of spending. 

Also, on your next sourjurn to Phils make sure you are dealing with a pinay who respects monetary boundaries and guards the pisos and negotiates like a pit bull.

Put some pisos in her pocket, tell her that you are on a budget, and make her the gatekeeper of that cash and just watch her and see how she rolls.

8.  I don't get the dog reference.  You were not prepared for your trip.  Your fault.  Man up.  Wasn't the pinays fault.  You should have peeped her out and let her go, long before traveling to meet her.  She doesnt like sailing!!!  Come on Man!!!

Listen, I'm not saying hundreds of hours or chatting or asking the "right" questions guarantees success, but it does help you weed out obvious incompatibilities and spot significant relationship red flags.

9.  I dated a lot of bimbos in college, the sex was awesome but...hey I was young ok!!

Now in my 40's I avoid all stupid women, even for sex....  With that being said, there are some pretty hot babes in the Phils, I mean smoking.   Pick wisely, #6.

Remember, stupid women have stupid kids.

10.  As far as her dream is concerned (it may not be a "dream" at all but her way of dumping your "fat faced kano ass")....I'm not really sure how to take that one.  Filipinos seem to really get into the dream thing and take it seriously, much more that Americans.

But anyways.....If you are not what she expected then take your "fat faced kano ass" to a pinay that does!!

Nuff Said. 

Zulu

[thekfc]

Yes I agree, we talked about me going with her to the airport, and she didn't want me to go.

They will usually always politely decline the initial & sometimes 2nd request.
 
 

  I wanted to ride in the cab with her, but she said security wouldn't let me in the terminal to wait for her flight with her without a ticket, and the cab ride was only 5 minutes.

Correct, security will not allow anyone inside the terminal without a ticket. People say their goodbyes right outside the departure terminal entrance.

[piglett]

They will usually always politely decline the initial & sometimes 2nd request.

yup this is covered in "Culture Shock"
well i guess it's bust JWR's chops day so hey dude did you get the book yet ?? 
 
good luck
pig

[mambocowboy]

yup this is covered in "Culture Shock"
well i guess it's bust JWR's chops day so hey dude did you get the book yet ?? 
 
good luck
pig

Based on JWR's comment about the dogs and companionship, I took that to mean he wants a break from the foreign bride search...It's not like he's a newbie; his profile says he was married to a Colombiana for ten years...It's easy to play Monday Morning Quarterback and from the outside looking in say he should have done this or shouldn't have done that....If it was so easy and logical there'd be a much higher success rate with these relationships....

[z_k_g]

Based on JWR's comment about the dogs and companionship, I took that to mean he wants a break from the foreign bride search...It's not like he's a newbie; his profile says he was married to a Colombiana for ten years...It's easy to play Monday Morning Quarterback and from the outside looking in say he should have done this or shouldn't have done that....If it was so easy and logical there'd be a much higher success rate with these relationships....

Mambo,

If you read JWR's post carefully, he admits that this young woman had no interest in sailing, his absolute favorite thing to do.

Its hard to believe that he didn't ask this question and confirm and verify her answers BEFORE he took this trip?

No one on this board is saying that JWR is completely f*cked up or judging him for that matter. 

We are just saying he could have been a bit more prepared for the Philippines because some of the "issues" he dealt with could have been mitigated easily if he had done his homework.

And...Monday Morning Quarterback....that's what we do here on P-L!!

Zulu