Manila, General Santos, Surigao, Siargao, Cebu 2011

[JWR]

 Just got back from 3 weeks in the Phils. Here are a few of my experiences.
 
Arrived in Manila around 11:30 pm after changing planes in Los Angeles, and Tokyo. The flight really didn't seem that long actually, and I felt pretty good. I flew Delta, and the food and service was quite nice. At the baggage claim in Manila we found out that the airplane luggage door was stuck, so we had to stand around for 1 1/2 hours waiting for our bags. Was wondering if we were going to have to spend the night in the terminal......a 747 door can't be an uncomplicated device to fix. There were many very, very pretty airline service employees standing with us to answer questions. As I walked off the plane, there were about 10 gorgeous girls waiting at the end of the ramp with hellos and big smiles. I remember thinking that a guy could finish his search for a nice girl before even leaving the airport.
 
At about 1 AM I hopped in a cab for a 10 minute ride to the Salem guest house airport Hotel near the domestic terminal. Paid 300 pesos for the ride which was 150 too much. The guy with a badge that flagged my taxi down jumped in the taxi at the last minute and rode with me to the Hotel. I'm sure he got the 150 peso commission. He of course offered me a late night tour of the area and some "company" to welcome me to the Philippines. I had a plan to get a taxi and make him turn on the meter and all, but in the blur of travel, and lack of sleep, things have a way of just working out differently then you plan.
 
Since I needed to catch a plane the next morning to General Santos at 7:00 AM, I chose this Hotel because it was close to the airport. My room was clean with AC, cable TV, cost $ 28.00, had no windows, and a separate bathroom down the hall. The walls were very thin and the staff and cleaning guys kept me awake the rest of the night with all sorts of talking, and cleaning noises. At one point, I opened the door and asked them to keep their voices down, but the quiet lasted about 10 minutes. With the time differences, and excitement, not sure I could have slept even if it was quiet. At 4:30 AM I was dressed, and ready for my 150 peso ride to the Cebu Pacific connection to Gen San.
 
The flight to General Santos in Southern Mindanao takes a couple of hours, the Cebu Pacific planes are nice, and the girls are friendly, tall, and very pretty. As we approached Gen San, I noticed that the area was beautiful with a blue ocean, and lush green vegetation. It really looks alot like Hawaii. The plane arrived at a small airport with a tiny terminal and baggage claim. I stood at the baggage claim for about an hour waiting for my bag, because they were having trouble with the truck that brings the bags. The terminal does not have AC so I just stood in front of a large fan, and looked out the window searching for my gf. Couldn't locate her in the crowd.
 
Finally my bag popped out, and I was out the door heading for the parking lot. I immediately found my "Florotel Hotel" van driver with a sign with my name on it, and let him know I was looking for a friend. After a couple more minutes, my gf and I saw each other for the 1st time, and after chatting since mid August. We had been chatting almost every day for about 3 months, and knew each other amazingly well for 2 people that have never met. Of course I was nervous, and hoped she would like me as much in person. 25/47.....
 
She had a huge smile on her face, and she immediately gave me a big hug as we walked to the van together. In the van, she sat right next to me holding my hand, and told me how worried she was when I didn't come out of the terminal for so long. In person, she was beautiful. She's 5'2 100, I'm 6'2 200.
 
So we had about a 30 minute AC van drive to my Hotel in Gen San among all the tricycle drivers, and normal Phil traffic. My initial impression is that the city was cleaner then Colombia. Gen San is a nice clean city with malls and all the general conveniences, and restaurants.
 
We headed into my little but comfortable Hotel room together, 1450 pesos per night. At this point I have no expectations, and I'm just living life minute by minute. If she would have stayed in the Hotel lobby and not entered my room with me,that would have been completely ok with me. Once in the room, she gave me a big kiss, and said she had been waiting for a long time for this. My GF was by my side for the following 3 weeks. She suggested that I take a rest because she knew I was pretty tired by that point. We laid down for a nap, but of course I was wide awake.
 
After lunch at Chow King, we headed over to the grocery store at the mall for some food shopping for my welcome party at her house. I was thinking that I really was too tired to be going to a party, and meeting the family, but events had their own momentum, and I had very little control at this point. We really should have scheduled the party for the following day, but her family wanted to meet me the 1st day before she spent any more time with me. We bought some fish, pork, fruit and veggies for cooking at her house. She apologized for me having to buy the food for my own party, and said "it's just not right", but her family is poor. She wanted to prepare adobo for me, and show off her cooking skills. At about 4:00pm we hopped in a cab for a 30 min. ride out to her house near the University. Dirt roads into the final area where her house is. When we pulled up to her house in the cab (250pesos) the living situation became apparent immediately. Outdoor toilet, running water by one hose, tin roof, cement floor, dirt around the house, kitchen outside with no stove, and just a wood burning grill. They had rented a karaoke machine for the weekend and had been wiring the extension cord for the machine that arrived in the back of a truck. I was immediately touched by their warmth and hospitality, meeting her parents, 3 brothers, cousins, and other various relatives, and friends.
 
Now clearly my GF and I are both totally winging this experience together.  I’ve never been to the Phils before, and met anyone after such a long time chatting.  She’s never dated a foreigner before, and I don’t think has ever been around anyone with a little money.  Her family has never been put in this situation, and we are all just trying to figure all this out.  I remember thinking, “I wonder how long it’s going to take before the 1^st big cultural misunderstanding”……?
 
Beside the house, her big brother had dug a little hole in the ground, placed a grill over the hole and was grilling the chicken and tuna.  Her 8 year old little brother was helping to fan the flames to keep them hot, and I’m just sort of hanging out talking with the relatives that speak various levels of English.  Challenging and exciting, although I was getting extremely sleepy and didn’t want to insult anybody by making an early exit.  I was really starting to drag.
 

[Ray]

 
 
Great!
 
Grilled chicken and tuna. I'm getting hungry.
 
I'm waiting for the Surigao/Siargao report. Curious if they are still running the Aska Queen to the island.
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Jeff S]

Great start JWR - eager for more.

[thekfc]

Sweet.
Waiting for the rest.

[z_k_g]

JWR,

You got me excited! Wake up and keep writing, LOL!

Zulu

[piglett]

sounds good so far ....where is the rest of the story man
 
 
come on don't leave us hanging
 
 
pig

[JWR]

 2. Some random thoughts that I was having at the time were:  Holy crap, we’ve only spent a few hours together and this is a really big deal with the family and friends.  I am humbled by the conditions they live in.  That Karaoke sounds like they are torturing an animal.  I’m over dressed and, look stupid in my top sider shoes….. I think these people know what it’s like to go hungry.
 
So at about 11:30 after some food, some gift giving, and plenty of laughs, we managed to get back into a cab, and were heading back to the Hotel together.  I asked her how her parents felt about her coming back with me that night, and she told me that she had talked about this with her Mom, and they thought we should not waste the limited time we had together to get to know each other.  She also told me that she is an adult at “almost 26”, and makes her own decisions.  Back at the hotel she gave me  two framed poems that she had written for me as a gift.  They were nicely printed, and such a thoughtful gesture.  Of course I was glad she wanted to stay with me, but did not expect this, and I was also a little concerned about her reputation with her relatives.
 
The next day we got up, went to Mc Donalds for breakfast, (not my 1^st choice, but limited options), ate lunch at Chow King, and basically hung out together.  I still hadn’t been able to sleep yet much, so I was really getting tired.  The whole experience is pretty exciting, and it’s just hard to get to sleep with all the changes.  We travelled around town by motorized tricycle mostly, which I really started to like.  The second day was her brother’s b-day so we headed back to the grocery store to by some more food, drinks, and a cake for the party.  There was a fair amount of food that went into that shopping cart, and I got the distinct feeling that the normal food that we were buying was definitely a treat for the family.  We arrived about 4:00 pm, and the Karaoke was already blaring blood curdling noises.  The family had hoped we would arrive a little earlier but we took some needed time that second day to be together.  She felt like we were already a couple after chatting, but the clock sort of started for me in the relationship when I got off the plane.
 
At the grocery, we had bought various meat, snacks, alcohol, chips, and I threw a jar of peanut butter and jelly with some bread in the cart.  At the party there were some kids, and I thought they might like some PB&J.  Her little brother and I sitting around the dining room table made PB&J sandwiches for those brave enough to try them, and I got a kick out of the look on their faces as they tried something so American….The adults also got into the PB&J a bit actually.
 
The time had about run out for peace and tranquility, and I promptly made my 1^st screw up of the trip…..Now English is not these people’s 1^st language and they are all trying to talk with me, and I can’t hardly understand anything they are saying to me with the freakin Karaoke screaching in the background.  So I asked her older brother to turn the volume down just a bit.  Of course he runs straight over to the box (as my gf’s Father is belting out a song) and turns the volume down while he is still singing.  Very insulting, and a very bad choice for timing.  Waiting a few moments for the song to end would have changed the entire evening.  He stops singing mid song and storms past me in a cold way.  Holy crap this is bad, real bad.  But you know what I thought, “it’s not a perfect world, I didn’t mean to insult him, I made a mistake that I can’t take back, and Oh well”  So the Father has a bit of a strained relationship with the family because of years of “issues” he also had brought some friends to the party that my gf didn’t approve of, and  they all were getting drunk in sort of a private party within a party.  My gf is in tears and is clearly upset with how things are going.  (Now since all my family is dead I was thinking, “well it’s getting messy now, but families can be crazy, and it’s sure better then my empty house”)  Dad came over to apologize later for his reaction to the big volume caper, and this little incident was talked about and never forgotten for the remainder of the trip……The b-day boy brother sort of took off for the evening and came back later, and I think got a little piece of cake that we got for him.  About mid evening the Karaoke rental time ran out, and the owner showed up to pick up his equipment.  I paid to extend the rental for the night hoping that this would show that I wasn't rejecting such a fundamental aspect of the Filipino culture......
 
Drinking, singing, talking, some crying, adobo cooking…..it turned out to be a pretty good night.   
 

[thekfc]

That brother should have know better, he should have waited - you never disturb someone karaoke singing.
 
It is also not a good idea to make fun of anyone singing especially while they are singing - it doesn't matter if the person's voice sound like a piggy squealing like it is about to become Cebuano Lechon.
 
Also if you are invited to sing - do a song or two and never sing FS's "My Way". 
 
I did find that some of the Karaoke machines were a bit better than the ones I see here in the states. The main problem I saw was the speakers - they suck (I have better sounding computer speakers).

[JWR]

 3.  Next morning after the B-day party we just settled into our living routine.  Breakfast together, and just hanging out enjoying each other’s company.  We changed hotels to a Hotel called the Family Country.  This place had a large pool for a little snorkeling practice for my gf before we headed off to the islands.  1450 pesos a night, roomy, cable TV AC.  It was a little old but pretty nice.  That evening we took her best friend’s Mom and 2 sisters out to dinner at Shakey’s, then the sisters came back to the hotel, to sit in the garden, play the guitar and sing.  It’s really nice to see people relax, smile, sing and just feel uninhibited.
 
On Friday we made plans to play bad mitten with some of her friends from her Christian church.  When we arrived at the courts, we found out that they were closed, so we headed over to the mall to sit, and get something to drink.  Outside the coffee shop we sat down with about 5 of her friends, and the grilling began.(And I’m not talking Gen San tuna!)    Now I’ve had some pretty bad experiences with born again Christians in business, so I’m going to admit that my patience for the “high and mighty” can be a bit thin.  One of the girls started interrogating me after only a couple minutes of meeting her.  She wanted to know if I was not only a Christian, but what denomination.  She told me that if my gf dated someone ouside their faith, the church and her friends would “excommunicate” my gf.   I am a Christian, and pray regularly, but don’t go to church often mostly because I don’t like to go alone.  I really couldn’t believe they were threatening to excommunicate my sweet gf if I didn’t get their seal of approval, and I started getting angry.  After about 15 minutes of complete BS questioning (which I was politely tolerating), I got up and went to the counter to pay the tab.  After I returned from paying, I quietly told my gf that I was ready to leave.   She and the interrogator started asking me why I wanted to leave so soon.  My patience, and chance for a graceful exit was disappearing quickly.  When the interrogator got onto her feet, 5 days  of lack of sleep sort of put me over the edge.  I told her that I was leaving because of her rude behavior, and she didn’t know me well enough to talk to me this way, and to question me so aggressively.  I told her that the talk of
Excommunication was not “Christian”, and I’m “over this” and I’m “out of here”.    I said that “I didn’t fly several thousand miles” to the Philippines to be treated this way, and she needed to learn how to treat a guest.  So we headed back to the Hotel with a couple of her other friends for a little more guitar, and hanging out.  The interrogator texted several times apologizing.  Looking back, with a little more sleep, I would definitely have been up for a more graceful way of handling this twit. 
 
Later that evening, we met her sister that had come home from work in another city to meet me.  Her sister and brother basically work to support the entire family of 7.  Her sister was nice, but a little quiet until she got to know me a bit better. We took her to breakfast the following morning at the Hotel.
 
Sun. night we took her immediate family to Shakey’s pizza for dinner.  With translaton, her mother asked what my intentions were.  I told her parents that I came all the way to General Santos just to meet their daughter, I was serious, and had marriage in the future in mind.  Her father was pretty quiet, but told me how proud he was of us both.  (At the 2nd big party, he had been introducing me as his new son in law. Again, the seriousness of this situation was evident.  We had only spent 5 days together, and this was some intense talking.  My gf was laughing, and making jokes while her Mom had this serious look on her face.  I told my gf to “stop joking around because your parents are NOT kidding”.  The final family dinner went well.
 
I had not made any plans or reservations past the 1^st week because I really did not want to assume how things were going to go.  The last thing I needed was a hotel reservation on a romantic beach if things didn’t work out.  Since things were going nicely, we decided to go to Siargao island.  Siargao is an island off the tip of Northern Mindanao.  It is famous for surfing, and they hold some international surf contests there.  Since I like to surf, I thought this would be a nice place to hang out for a week or so.  The question became how do we get there?  Flights looked complicated, and would entail layovers and long waits + ferries.  So we decided to take an AC bus from Gen San up the coast of Mindanao through Davao, Butuan, Surigao, then hop a ferry over to Siargao.  I asked several times how long this bus ride would be, and was told about 10 hours total.  Well we left about 9:30AM and checked into the Gateway Hotel in Surigao city at about 1:00AM 15 hours later.  The last bus was not AC and a bit crowded for the 1^st hour.  It was a grind, but I got to see a lot of Mindanao.  We were definitely now in the heart of the Philippines, and I was the only white guy in sight……  At one stop we were having lunch at this very “ethnic” outdoor small restaurant, and my gf started laughing.  I asked her what she was laughing at, and she told me that it just seemed funny that a CEO of an American company would be here at this type of place eating this food.  I said well you know my company is very small, and I’m just a simple guy.  At another stop, we woke up and the bus was empty…..no one bothered to wake us up at the end of this line.  We jumped off and just caught the last bus to Surigao as it was pulling away.  On the last bus there were some people sitting with us who had the flu, and I knew that this last bus ride was going to seriously affect our trip because we would both most likely catch a cold.  I considered getting us off the bus when I saw the people coughing, but it was late, dark, and the bus station did not look safe at all. So we stayed on the bus, and yes we both came down with the flu a couple days later.  That’s life.
 
After a nice rest at the Gateway Hotel in Surigao (1500) pesos, we headed to the ferry landing to catch a 3 hour ferry ride to Siargao island.  We bought the AC room tickets, and watched a Jean Claude Van Damn movie on the way to the island.  As they loaded this old ferry with too many people, motorcycles, building supplies and all sorts of other things, I began to worry a bit about the safety of the trip.  Ferries in the Philippines sink once in a while, and I know exactly why.  They grossly overload them.  Now since I work as a yacht Capt. I am a little more aware about marine safety then most people.  I sort of worked out an emergency plan in my mind to get us off alive, if the ferry started to take on water.  I figured if it rolled over, then all bets would be off. 
 
The ferry stayed afloat and 3 hours later we pulled into the landing on Siargao Island.  After getting off the ferry we were deluged by aggressive tricycle taxi drivers, yelling at us for our business.  We dodged left and dodged right but at least 10 guys were right in our face yelling.  It wasn’t really annoying me that much, and I was sort of enjoying all the excitement.  I figured I would just let my gf negotiate the ride to our resort because she’s a Filipina, and this should be no problem for her.  After about 10 minutes of basically being chased around in circles, she began to cry.  Ok that’s it,… I stepped between her and the hounds.  It was a crazy scene.  We chose a motorcycle taxi (hubble hubble), and watched in amazement as he strapped our luggage onto the back of his motorcycle.  Pretty soon the 3 of us were zooming along on a Yamaha 125 motorcycle with a long seat, overhead shade roof, and rack on the back.  We passed lush green jungles, rice fields with water buffalos working, and small towns during our 20 minute ride to the resort area.  Our taxi driver was of course a great salesman and took us to 4 different resorts to compare rates and amenities.  I wanted a pool and cable TV because I just think it’s fun to hang out and watch movies together.  Of course the only place with both AC, Pool, and TV cost us 2500 pesos per night including a full breakfast.  It was a small resort with only 3 nice bungalows.   The 4 pretty Filipinas that worked at “Romantic Beach Villas” were very sweet to us and we became friends right away.

[z_k_g]

Awesome story so far!

The parental interrogation is mandatory for foreigners!   

Can't wait to hear more!!

Zulu

[thekfc]

Nice report JWR.
 
What church was that?
The only "Christian Church" that I know of that would be that "extreme" is INC. Also one thought that pops in my head is jealousy.

[Ray]

What church was that?
The only "Christian Church" that I know of that would be that "extreme" is INC.
 

That’s what I was thinking too.
　
I believe that Iglesia Ni Cristo (INC) members are forbidden to marry or fall in love with non-members. They can be very heavy handed and rude toward non-members.
　
They have mandatory attendance at twice-weekly services, mandatory tithing, and they have to vote as a block. They are also very anti-Catholic.
 
If she is a member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, I would stop and do some serious research before getting too involved with that cult. It would be in your interest to know exactly what you would be getting into.
　
Ray
 
 

[JWR]

Thanks for that.  Much appreciated.
 
I asked her a couple times what church she was in, and she told me "The Church of Christ".  I'll ask her again tonight exactly what church she is in.  I was thinking maybe she was a Jehovah Witness or something like that after that evening.
 
At our coffee party, a couple of her friends were giving her some grief about not attending church regularly.  I don't think she is fanatical, but who knows??  She likes us to give thanks before meals.
 

That’s what I was thinking too.
　
I believe that Iglesia Ni Cristo (INC) members are forbidden to marry or fall in love with non-members. They can be very heavy handed and rude toward non-members.
　
They have mandatory attendance at twice-weekly services, mandatory tithing, and they have to vote as a block. They are also very anti-Catholic.
 
If she is a member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, I would stop and do some serious research before getting too involved with that cult. It would be in your interest to know exactly what you would be getting into.
　
Ray
 
 

[z_k_g]

Thanks for that.  Much appreciated.
 
I asked her a couple times what church she was in, and she told me "The Church of Christ".  I'll ask her again tonight exactly what church she is in.  I was thinking maybe she was a Jehovah Witness or something like that after that evening.
 
At our coffee party, a couple of her friends were giving her some grief about not attending church regularly.  I don't think she is fanatical, but who knows??  She likes us to give thanks before meals.

JWR,

Observe and verify.

Zulu

[thekfc]

I asked her a couple times what church she was in, and she told me "The Church of Christ".  I'll ask her again tonight exactly what church she is in.

Church of Christ translated in tagalog is Iglesia Ni Cristo.

I asked my wife a few questions about INC as there was one close to her family farm in Pangasinan. She said that they do kick out members who marry non-members. She said me that one of her cousins was a member & that cousin was "kicked" out after she married a non-member (a Japanese).

At our coffee party, a couple of her friends were giving her some grief about not attending church regularly.

By not attending regularly, maybe she want to leave that church - certain amount of absences will also get a member "kicked" out.

Sometimes people join a group/organization then later realize that it isn't for them & want to leave/find a way out - maybe she is trying to do just that. 

[piglett]

Thanks for that.  Much appreciated.
 
I asked her a couple times what church she was in, and she told me "The Church of Christ".  I'll ask her again tonight exactly what church she is in.  I was thinking maybe she was a Jehovah Witness or something like that after that evening.
 
At our coffee party, a couple of her friends were giving her some grief about not attending church regularly.  I don't think she is fanatical, but who knows??  She likes us to give thanks before meals.

hey just wanted to say good job with the pushy "friend"
i would have done the same if she pi$$ed me off like that.
 
 
pig

[Ray]

I asked her a couple times what church she was in, and she told me "The Church of Christ".
 

 

 
 
Research, research, research!
 
 
Ray
 
 

[JWR]

Ray and KFC you guys are simply amazing.  I am blown away at how you guys nailed this spot on with so little information.   Thank you.

 
I just had the most ridiculous and absurd chat for 4 1/2 hours with my gf about her membership in the INC.  She has been a member since birth.  I went on line before the chat and did some research on their doctrine and belief system.  I was thinking about posting the entire chat for your reading pleasure, but it has her name on it, and I'm too lazy to remove all of her names from the responses.  So I will paraphrase just a few of the  high points for you guys.

 
1st I am a Christian and have spent my fair share of time in High School, and College Christian programs when I was younger, and I've gone to church off and on over the years.  So I have enough knowledge for comparison.  I have been burned in business by some Christian hypocrites and have a real distaste for "born again" scammers who hide behind their religion.
 

This is about 2 hours into this conversation ok. I didn't post some of her responses out of respect for her privacy.  It started out more gentle, but I pressed harder as we got into it because she simply would not answer a simple question about what she believed.

Me:
I can't be with someone who thinks millions and millions of Christians all over the world are going to hell because they are not a member of your club. (church)
 
 
 

Christians go to heaven if they have heard of this guy named Manolo (Inc founder who preaches he is a prophet)  or not.
Manolos church does not have exclusivity on heaven.
 
 
I'm not against your church. 8:48:05 PM  I am against a belief system that doesn't include, and respect other Christian churches. There are plenty of Christian churches with different names with congregations that are going to heaven.
 
 
 
8:52:44 PM  GF: please understand that i made a vow with this Church 8:52:47 PM 
 
 
 
Me: God does not send people to hell for not joining your church.
 
 
                                       
Well it went on like this for hours.....
 
Basically the cult scares their members into staying and continuing to contribute money, or they will not go to heaven.  They tell their members that they are the only church with the truth.  They also say that to respect God you have to worship within their church.  Basic scam to keep a firm control on an ignorant congregation without the logic and reasoning skills to realize what is going on. I continued to press the question of how could she possibly believe that all other Christians from all the other churches all over the world would be burning in hell under her church's belief system?  In a brain washing situation, it's hard for logic and reason to take hold obviously. She basically has always dreamed of being married in her church.  Of course  I would have to join the church to do this.  In the end she said she would leave her church to be with me, and give up her life long dream for her love for me.   
 
Whatever.......She's a pretty special girl.  It's a wierd world we live in.
 
Maybe I should Praise the Lord for her lousy reasoning and logic......she's with me....ha ha ha.....
 
Dang my house is quiet.  Wonder if I could ever learn to like it that way.

[Ray]

 
JWR,
 
Well, it sounds like the young lady has some serious thinking to do.
　
From what you have already witnessed with her "friends", she would be giving up not only her church, but also her close friendships because they already told you that they would ostracize her if she married a non-believer. She may even be ostracized by her own family if they are very deeply involved in the cult.
　
If you haven't already done so, you could always tell her that you will never join her "church" and see what her reaction is. If you do go this route, I would give her plenty of time to seriously think things over before you expect an answer. This could be a major life changing decision for her.
　
You aren’t the only guy on here to run into this "problem". We had a past member (Steve G I believe?) who went to Hong Kong to meet his pen pal. She was a Filipina working as an overseas contract worker and belonged to an INC congregation in Hong Kong. I believe that he said most all of the members, including the preacher, were Filipinos living and working in Hong Kong.
　
His girl introduced him to the INC pastor and they had a private talk. He was invited to join the next church service and they seated him in the front of the church. If I recall correctly, the pastor’s sermon was directed at Steve. He was singled out and publicly scolded, ridiculed, and humiliated in front of the whole congregation. I guess he had told the preacher that he wouldn’t join their church to marry the girl.
　
Anyway, because of the girl’s religious beliefs and INC membership, he promptly cut off the relationship and eventually ended up marrying a lady from Mindanao.
　
Good luck man,
　
Ray
　

[thekfc]

Some more feed back - this time from my wife's cousin (former member):

For a non-member to marry a member, the non-member have to attend the church for a certain amount of time ( 3 or 6  months - don't remember the exact number) and after that the non-member have to be baptized (in INC) then permission is given to marry.

There is a private one-on-one talk with the pastor and then a "group" seminar - the potential couple & the pastor.

She confirm that stuff like what Ray said happening - sermons sometimes directed at (or in reference to) the non-member who decided not to join the church but want to marry a member.

Also if a member's work day/time is the same as the church service day/time, they are ask "which is more important to you?" - work or church?. If they choose work over church then they are given warnings for missing services and after accumulating a certain amount of "offenses" the member is kicked out.

[z_k_g]

JWR,

Some questions:

Did you ask her about her religious beliefs before you took the trip?

If she decides to stay with the church, do you have a backup plan?

I would like to add that if she decides to marry you, despite her desire to marry and stay with her church, do you think she will be happy?

Family, friends, village is so vital to Filipinos, its like an extension of themselves.  They live by the gossip, misfortune and dirty deeds of the barangay so she may possibly be a constant subject of scorn in her village if she marries you.  Something to think about.

And, Hopefully her family is not heavily into the same church.  If they are I would suggest that you seriously consider finding another pinay.  A Pinay without her family's full support is not a happy pinay.  A negative relationship with her family (they will blame the kano) may not seem to be a big deal with Americans, we are used to that, but pinays are not the same, over the long haul she will possibly regret alienating her kin and blame you.

Not a good way to start a loving relationship.

More food for thought.

Can't wait to hear the balance of your trip report.

Zulu

[JWR]

Thanks guys for taking the time to write about this.
 
Last night basically I told my gf that there are many churches here that would love to have our family, but as the leader of my family, I would not allow my future children to ever go to an INC church.
 
As typical of many crazy religious groups, the members don't even understand, or are knowledgable about their own religion.   It's long become a habit, and the doctrine and belief system has most likely not ever been examined or evaluated.  That seems to be case here.
 
I'm not sure where we will go from here, but I guess I will try to determine if this situation is going to cause us both long term stress, and grief.   If that looks like it is going to be the case, then I'll have to just move along.
 
I'll finish the trip report when I'm in a better mood.
 
 
JWR,

Some questions:

Did you ask her about her religious beliefs before you took the trip? 
 
Yes, we talked about Christianity, and she said she was a Christian and went to church regularly.  I did not ask her if she was in a "cult" and didn't know anything about the INC......at that time.

If she decides to stay with the church, do you have a backup plan?
 
Yes, I will be trying to find out your girl friend's name and meet her next month.......
 
I would like to add that if she decides to marry you, despite her desire to marry and stay with her church, do you think she will be happy?
 
I have no idea Zulu.  She says she is not that religious of a person, and has many Christian friends outside the church.  Also how committed could she really be to her "doctrine" considering she went off with me for 3 weeks and lived like a married couple.

Family, friends, village is so vital to Filipinos, its like an extension of themselves.  They live by the gossip, misfortune and dirty deeds of the barangay so she may possibly be a constant subject of scorn in her village if she marries you.  Something to think about.
 
Yes, I've already seen some of this.  Her trips back home from the US certainly could be adventurous.


And, Hopefully her family is not heavily into the same church.  If they are I would suggest that you seriously consider finding another pinay.  A Pinay without her family's full support is not a happy pinay.  A negative relationship with her family (they will blame the kano) may not seem to be a big deal with Americans, we are used to that, but pinays are not the same, over the long haul she will possibly regret alienating her kin and blame you.
 
 
Good point, and I'm not sure how much her family is into the church at this point.  I will find out and let you know.  I know that just feeding the family is a real concern in this family, and religion just may come in second.  As you say, I may just have to start looking again.

Not a good way to start a loving relationship.
 
Yes, I agree.


More food for thought.

Can't wait to hear the balance of your trip report.

Zulu

[piglett]

Well JWR I'll add this into the mix.
if her church says X,Y,&Z
i would just say well, open up the bible & show me where it says EXACTLY that.
either it all adds up or it doesn't.
 
 
good luck
pig

[Woody]

Well JWR I'll add this into the mix.
if her church says X,Y,&Z
i would just say well, open up the bible & show me where it says EXACTLY that.
either it all adds up or it doesn't.
 
 
good luck
pig

I'de be careful of that approach. There are a LOT of differing sects of Christianity where things don't add up(I would say most). You may just end up starting a pissing match and have to defend your own Church in the process and come out the worse for wear. Any determined individual can find traditions and rules within YOUR branch of Christianity and blow holes in your defense of those rules.


I will give one thing to the 7th Day Adventists, they follow the letter of the Bible much more closely and consistently than most other branches of Christianity. Not that I particularly like SDA rules. (Kosher made sense then, it has not made any sense whatsoever since the advent of pasteurization and refrigeration.)


-Woody (No vested interest here, I'm a former Catholic that would definitely be called a heathen by most Christian branches)

[thekfc]

-Woody (No vested interest here, I'm a former Catholic that would definitely be called a heathen by most Christian branches)

Watch it sucka! Aunt Esther is coming after you.