Hey Guys! Long time no See!

[Revan]

Hey guys! Been a while Since I've been on the forum, granted I had only made a few posts when I was active (I was still in high school at the time). I hope everyone is well. As for me, I've been busy lately. I joined the Navy April 6th. Went through basic training, then Information Technology training, and am now stationed, on shore, in Hawaii right now. I just recently got back from leave, which is mandatory between advance training and your first military station, in Ukraine. Obviously, I went there to see women I had contacted. I only went to see 2 but that didn't go to well. One didn't even show up to meet me and the other turned out not what I expected. I should explain. When I met her in person, she was quite beautiful and intelligent. She had manners and was respectful. She was very good wife material but I have learned in my life that people are good when there is no trouble but can quickly change when adversity comes. I believe it was "Adversity tests the loyalty of a true friend"? So, without doing into much detail, I decided to test her. Wow, it was like night and day really. Before she had told me "there should be misunderstandings and disagreements but never any fights in a relationship". I have to say as soon as I tested her she turned into a totally different person then what she said she was and her actions were totally different from the values she totally me she had. The interesting thing is I revealed to her that It had been a test and she continued in her letter to argue with the things I had said in the previous letters even though it had been all a test. It was like she was content on making it clear she had "won" the argument and was right no matter what. To top that off, there was certain issue that I had made clear from the onset of our relationship that was non-negotiable, which she agreed to. Now, she is trying to pull the whole "in order to continue with me" that thing is going to have to become negotiable. Needless to say, I will be breaking it off with her today. I had been warned by certain men I know married to Ukrainian/Russian women that some of them can be the type that will do anything to win a argument. They will make up things you didn't even say or events that didn't even happen in order to win.

After all this I have decided I'm going to go the Asian route like I intended many years ago. I'm a laid back type of guy who when a problem arises I like to take care of the problem then move on, not dwell on it and needlessly argue about the matter. Therefore, I think the Asian mentality on how to deal with conflict seems like a better fit for me. Even though I'm open in my search (japan, China, Philippines). I'm very interested in Central Asia(Uzbekistan, Kazahkstan, etc) right now. I wanted to know if any of you guys have heard anything about the women in these countries or visited there? I had heard good things from other guys about these countries but wanted to get more information. Also, are there cultures(or should say countries) in Asia that are better than others in the same area at dealing with personal conflict?

Thanks in advance guys!

P.S. I might post the letter I got from the girl to show you guys what I was talking about later.

[Bob_S]

If you decide to post any excerpts from your correspondence with her, please be sure to censor out any personal information to protect both your and her privacy.

Oh, and thank you for your service.  I hope for your sake you get transferred to somewhere in the Far East.  You might find it more to your liking, and more accessible than the Stans.

[CeeTeeEnn]

I think you'll find that women from the Stans are discussed more frequently on the Russian women forums rather than here. I have met and dated a few, and i must say I was also quite impressed by them.

[Ray]

Welcome aboard shipmate!
　
I have no experience or knowledge in women from the Stans, but Hawaii is a perfect place to sample and explore Asian cultures, especially Filipino and Japanese, because of the huge local ethnic populations living there. I believe that Filipinos make up nearly a quarter of the population of Hawaii with ethnic Japanese very close behind. If you are stationed at Pearl Harbor, there are tons of Filipinos living in the closeby Waipahu/Pearl City areas.
　
　
Filipinos are generally very hospitable towards strangers, so you may want to make some contacts with local Filipinos and express an interest in their culture. You may be surprised at how many would be eager to introduce you to some nice young Filipina relatives back home.
　
Also, you are close enough to Asia to make the trip faster and cheaper than those of us here on the mainland.
　
Good luck,
　
Ray
　
　
　

[z_k_g]

Revan,

Sounds similar to my experience with a Russian woman (she was actually from the Baltic states which was part of USSR at the time).

You sound quite young, I wish I had been serious about foreign women for marriage when I was your age.

Good luck on your search, P-L is a great resource.

Zulu

[robert angel]

I was involved for a while with a very lovely lady from Kazakhstan, named Leyla. She was half Asian and half Russian and lived in Almaty. She had bachelor's degrees in both nursing and education and while both her parents had Doctorates, the standard of living was rather poor for the family. She never asked me for a cent.

 
There was a a lot of crime in that city, muggings were common and from what I gathered, most of the guys drank pretty hard and the winters were brutal. Leyla seemed to me nonetheless to be the 'real deal'--quite down to earth, yet worldly and had even been abroad to the middle east and parts of Europe. She was Christian.
 
Paradoxically, she seemed in a way, a bit 'country'--maybe even the cutest tomboy you might ever see, but she really 'dressed up' really well! She really loved escaping the drab, dreary hard city and going to her parent's place out in the countryside--it's lovely out there.

Unlike most former USSR and eastern European women, I didn't feel like I had to 'watch my back' as much with her, although the language barrier did make interpretation hard sometimes. I should hope the telephone and internet connectivity is better these days. I think she was unusually beautiful, but that many women from that  area, white and Asian alike are pretty and the gal I was sweet on, being mixed, was a real stunner.

I've met a few people from that country since and have positive impressions of them as people. If I were single, I certainly wouldn't rule out looking there.

It's not the easiest place to travel to by plane, but it might be worthwhile--I'll certainly never forget her--seems we all have to use 'the process of elimination' before deciding on who we marry and that babe was my second choice -- it hurt to break away for sure.

[Gato4Astrid]

I'm very interested in Central Asia(Uzbekistan, Kazahkstan, etc) right now.

I have been to Uzbekistan (Tashkent) to meet my then girlfriend, but she is of Russian past.  Cannot help you about the Central Asian girls part.   However, I enjoyed visiting Tashkent - stayed for 1 week.

[Revan]

Thanks for your replies guys!  Honestly, after doing more research I think I'm narrowing my options down to Japan, Kazakhstan, and the Philippines. I will probably try to become friends with a couple of ladies first then narrow down where I want to visit this spring. I forgot to tell you guys that due to my rate (information technology) and where my base is I will only be working 15 days out of every month. So, I should have plenty time to connect with some women and plan my travel.

Robert Angel: thanks for your story. It gave me a lot of insight and helped me narrow down my search. Think out of the stans I will focus on Kazahkstan because it would be easier to get a Visa compared to the other stans where it is harder to receive one.

ZKG: yeah, I'm quite still young. I'm 23 right now. Funny, when I was in Ukraine there was 2 different times when I got in a conversation with Russian/Ukrainian men who commented: "your too young to be thinking about getting married" LOL. I don't know though, I've been thinking about getting married for a very long time and been trying to prepare myself as best I can for that type of committed relationship (at least I hope so). Now that I have the financial means to take care of a family due to my military status I feel now might be the best time. Also, I should be completing my Bachelors and Masters in IT before my 4 year enlistment is up. So, I think I have things well planned out for taking care of future family after the military as well.

Ray: No kidding! I was told before I got to Hawaii that it had a huge Asian population but seeing it for myself blew me away. I can't go a day without seeing a service member going grocery shopping with his filipina wife. Its true what else you say as well, I see many Japanese women here.

Bobs: Since you have experience with Japan do you think Japan is still a good place to find a wife? I haven't researched for years so I don't know if things have changed somewhat. I do remember Jeff telling me once that my chances are good there given my Ancestry (African American Mixed with native American). He said, at the time, that blacks are getting pretty popular over there.

[Jeff S]

Yeah. If you want to meet tons of single Japanese women, Waikiki is the place. They vacation there in herds.

[z_k_g]

Revan,

It's very ironic that a guy of your age would be questioned about getting married.

I say this because there have been many furious debates about this subject in terms of what a woman is really looking for in a foreign husband.

In my experience, most women are looking for a man between 35 and 45 to marry.  I'm sure there are women who will consider men much older or younger but this seems to be the sweet spot for women ranging from 21 to 40 or so.

It has been noted quite often on P-L that the most desirable women are over 25 because of maturity level, less chance of them changing, etc.   I generally agree with that premise but disagree that this applies to ALL women under 25.

The reason I bring this up is these same concerns about maturity, etc. apply to men under 25.  The common belief that a man is not ready for marriage until he is 30 or so, has some validity, I'm not so sure how true that is but I can tell you it was true for me. 

You and I are different people and I don't really know you that well but you seem a lot more mature than I was at 23.  I may be wrong about that but that's my impression based on your interest and participation in a forum like P-L.

You may be ready for marriage at 23, I wasn't.

I would like to give you some fatherly advice, however.  I am, I think, old enough to use that phrase, I'm almost 45.

Don't be in such a rush to get married.

You have not gone into much detail about your motivations for an early marriage, what you are looking for in a wife, and whether you are bringing her back to the states or going full expat like some of our esteemed members.

Whatever the case, I am suggesting that you slow your roll.

My parents gave me the same advice when I was your age and their reasons were simple, Live your Life and Enjoy, because your REAL life begins when you Marry!

Getting married to a beautiful exotic foreign woman is a great experience, but at the end of the day its just marriage and a relationship with all the rewards and warts.  The honeymoon may be spent in an exotic Asian country or a remote Pacific Island, but you will have return to the mundane tasks of washing dishes, clothing, making the bed, cooking the meals, cleaning the toilet and arguing over the silliest shyt imaginable!

When you are young such a mundane and routine conclusion is very anti-clamatic and sometimes overwhelmingly boring and finally, ultimately disappointing.  I mean you married an exotic hot Asian chick and your life is.....well pretty boring and just like Dick and Jane's from Iowa.

The thing is, there is no Hollywood movie ending.  Life is Life and its pretty boring 90% of the time.

If you add children to the mix then the real work starts and you may feel stuck.  Your exotic beauty, your life is now transformed into Mommy and Daddy time for at least the next 20 years.

Most younger men get pretty disillusioned at this point and call it quits because the dream and the reality are not quite the same.

Ironically, if you take this exact same situation and drop and insert a 35-45 year old, its diametrically a different situation.

When you are older, you still appreciate your sweeties beauty, but you now more fully understand the limitations of your relationship with your exotic foreign bride.  You understand that the Honeymoon ends and real life begins, and you are ok with that, you expect as much.

You have lived enough life to understand the inherent boringness of it but you embrace the everyday mundane tasks and engross yourself into being the best husband possible because you know how fleeting these boring moments are and how these seeming "boring" never ending tasks you and your sweetie do every day is the "real" relationship.

When children come you are not overwhelmed but overjoyed.  You have probably raised a few with ex-wives or girlfriends, changed diapers, done homework, spanked bottoms, coached the pee-wee team, told bedtime stories, picked out a few prom dresses and had to have the "talk" with a few teenagers about sex.   

You know the routine and you are prepared and pretty comfortable with the transition to your Daddy and Mommy role, its actually fun!!  Older parents, in most cases, are better parents.

Like I said, I don't know you very well, and maybe you don't need my advice.

In that case appreciate or ignore my ramblings.

But, if you are listening, then give what I've written some thought.  I think it will serve you well and ultimately make you into a better husband and daddy. 

Our children need a daddy and mother; that's the best circumstance to raise healthy well rounded children.  Give yourself the best shot possible to be the best husband/daddy you can be and increase your chances for a successful marriage.

You are young, enjoy your youth, don't marry too young.  Live life gain, some wisdom and insight, train yourself to be a great future parent and a good role model.

Don't feel like life will pass you by or that you are losing out by waiting.

Remember this, something my grandfather used to always tell me when I was working hard and lamenting the fact that I didn't have a sweetie...( I was in my 20's in college)

"Son...God will always make 18 year old girls...they will always be here for ya!"

Good luck!

Zulu

[Bob_S]

Bobs: Since you have experience with Japan do you think Japan is still a good place to find a wife? I haven't researched for years so I don't know if things have changed somewhat. I do remember Jeff telling me once that my chances are good there given my Ancestry (African American Mixed with native American). He said, at the time, that blacks are getting pretty popular over there.

Sorry for the delay in replying.  Just wanted to add that if you decide to focus on Japan as a destination, the only real prejudice you will experience there nowadays is from the older set just because you are a foreigner, not because you are African American.  I've encountered many black Americans both in Japan and in the U.S. with Japanese wives.  And they were often service men.  Their kids are gorgeous.

[Jeff S]

Blacks are considered "in" with the young hip Japanese crowd, too, though I'm not so sure that would be the group I'd be eager to get in with. These days in Japan, the hipsters are pretty shallow - well, not just Japan, hipsters are pretty shallow everywhere. Nonetheless, there's not nearly as much black/white differentiation in Japan as there is Japanese/Gaijin. A Korean, Chinese or Vietnamese American would probably have more trouble than a black or white American getting accepted in Japan now.

[JWR]

Reven,
 
I've lived in Hawaii and can understand your interest in looking elsewhere for a nice girl.  Hawaii can be a tough market.....
 
I'm in Cebu finishing 3 weeks in the Philippines.  The number of girls that are available to meet are simply overwhelming.  From Hawaii, it's easy to get here, so I recommend you take a little trip over here to get your feet wet.  Keep it simple, have fun.  Chat if you want 1st, or just come over and take it on the fly.  I think you could find the love of your life before ever leaving the airport in Manila.

[z_k_g]

Reven,
 
I've lived in Hawaii and can understand your interest in looking elsewhere for a nice girl.  Hawaii can be a tough market.....
 
I'm in Cebu finishing 3 weeks in the Philippines.  The number of girls that are available to meet are simply overwhelming.  From Hawaii, it's easy to get here, so I recommend you take a little trip over here to get your feet wet.  Keep it simple, have fun.  Chat if you want 1st, or just come over and take it on the fly.  I think you could find the love of your life before ever leaving the airport in Manila.

JWR,

I don't know why anyone would travel to SA!!!!

Zulu

[JWR]

I think the long flight to Asia discourages some guys.  The initial cost of entry looks more expensive to go to Asia, and some other guys just like Latinas.    With the plane changes, going to Colombia takes a long time too from California.  I really didn't find the long flight all that bad to the Phils.
 
After doing both now, I think if a guy is attracted to Asians, and has already tried Latin America, he should also check out the Philippines.  The long term outcome is important enough to do a little comparing.
 
 
 

JWR,

I don't know why anyone would travel to SA!!!!

Zulu

[Jeff S]

When I was single I'd made many trips to both areas, Asia and Latin America, and the Culture in Asia, particularly in Japan, is what convinced me to go that route.  The biggest part was what is being discussed right now on the Asian board about personal responsibility and making things go right. Don't get me wrong - there's lots to love about Latin America and Latin Americans - I just don't deal with out-of-control situations in my own life very well. Some guys handle it fine and don't do well with organization and lack of spontaneity. It's nice we all have options. 

[Dave H]

Hey Revan,


Welcome back! My son is also in the Navy and is stationed in Okinawa. Japan.


Good luck!


Dave

[seattlejoe]

Revan,
          There's no age factor in being marry to a Asian woman. I got married at age 23, and going 30 years
          with a Filipina. 
                                        Good luck  brother

[z_k_g]

When I was single I'd made many trips to both areas, Asia and Latin America, and the Culture in Asia, particularly in Japan, is what convinced me to go that route.  The biggest part was what is being discussed right now on the Asian board about personal responsibility and making things go right. Don't get me wrong - there's lots to love about Latin America and Latin Americans - I just don't deal with out-of-control situations in my own life very well. Some guys handle it fine and don't do well with organization and lack of spontaneity. It's nice we all have options.

Jeff,

I would absolutely lose my mind with a disorganized and undisciplined woman who lacks any type of self control no matter how "hot" she is physically.  Also, I like sponteanatity just as much as any guy, but after awhile that type of lifestyle gets mudane.  I think "spontenaety" is overrated.  In the bedroom, for sure, but a continuous spontaneous chick would irritate me to no end.

And I don't do well with emotional outbursts....

When I was younger...I would tolerate that type of woman.  But now...I wouldn't give her the time of day.

Most (Not all) of the Latina's (Brazil, Venezuela, Nicaragua) I have dated fall into this category...your experience may differ.

The Asian women, in my experience, are polar opposites and are still hotties.   I need someone more laid back and a bit pensive.  So far, my pinay fits that bill for me and she is half my age.

My only concern would be that most Asian women (Koreans, Viets, Thai primarily and Japanese and Pinays to a minor extent) are a bit more calculating that Latinas...Behind that calm Asian exterior....there's a lot going on, they keep you on your toes, for the good mostly! 

In my experience anyways.

Zulu