Love Continues in Barranquilla

[dtibbet]

hmmm, let me start by saying what a awesome post. you had me engulfed the whole time. i am by no means a veteran to say the least. i
 have been living in colombia for the last 9 months. but i have to agree with Micky,  you got some serious things to consider. i remembered when i first joined this site. all the  veterans told me not to put all my eggs in one basket. i did and what a mistake. next time you visit, have other options in case you need to move on.

[aconcepts]

"I am acting too feminine?  I don't know.  I can only be myself.  I am working hard to be strong while I am around her.  And not letting her know any of the turmoil and roller coaster of emotions going on inside me.  I am keeping positive to give our relationship the best chance.  And hope that it continues to progress."
 
Dude….
 
Hope,
Acting feminie
Working to be strong
Roller coaster of emotions
Give our relationship a chance
Continues to progress
 
This is all pop psyche feminist jargon/mumbo jumbo. Oh my god my man. You need to start over and rebuild yourself. You ain’t marriage material. You think that you are going to find a woman that will make you whole. You will find a crutch that will abuse you. You need to first make yourself whole, then find a woman that believes in you. You want a woman to believe in. That is how confused most US males are….
 
You must be an American English Canadian or Austrailian. I am sorry for that and what has become of our culture. Soon I will hold a Costa Rica passport and will consider myself Tico because this is where I live. They want me to be nurturing on this site, you know politically correct and positive, but as Zon says my man… wake up. Most western males have becomes pathetically wimpy… That why I will soon claim to be Tico. I am ashamed of you guys. I say that in a “I hope you learn from this lecture” way.
 
Your attitude is exactly why I stay clear of Americans here.
 
You are full of political correctness and feminist indoctrination. “our relationship.” Me and my Mexican buddies used to laugh our rear ends off when this phrase became popular in the 80’s. Now its mainstream barf. “Relationship?” That is code for exactly in which way will the US mail kowtow and worship his woman. It’s losing before you have even begun. It’s like never going to the plate.
 
In my experience women say that want a trainable little gilding. A neutered male. Then when it comes to protection and sex they say – oh I have a gilding, he is so gentle but not at all a stallion. I want a stallion. So they either get a stallion or berate their gilding into total submissiveness and play the part of a male. Then everybody is miserable.


BTW women that professed to hate me because I was an uncontrollable stallion, many times tried to corner me when their girlfriends, boyfriends or husbands were not around. You need to learn the nature of the beast.
 
Start off on the right foot by putting your dignity as a man above all else. If you need the sex, and are not getting it from the man-women in the states find a hooker. I pay them at times because they are fun. We mutually use each other. Oh and by the way when you are with a hooker treat her like a lady but use her like a hooker. She is not your girlfriend. Don’t get emotionall attached. You will learn an important man lesson if you can have sex without getting emotionally attached, There is a time for respectful love making and there is a time for wild sex. Know when to do what.
 
Now I don’t run across the street and fornicate like dogs for an hour. I get to know them. Then I basically say, hey lets go somewhere together and do this and have sex and I’ll pay you and then we have no implied reason to see each other again. Cut deal, call the shot, and ask them to leave when you are finished. Don’t pay first.
 
In Costa Rica when they repat we call them arrangements. I meet girls on the street and say, “hey look I see you can use the money and I want a physical relationship with you, so lets have dinner and talk about. So you get to be kind of friends. I have made friends this way. I have women that I used to have arrangements with who have moved on introduce me to new and often younger women that want the same arrangement. Kinda like a referral. Jajaja….
 
They last for days weeks or months. In the US it’s too politically incorrect to mutually fulfill a woman’s need for money and a man’s need for sex in a practical matter. The feminist want a monopoly of sex so they can control you. So the women can engage in veiled prostitution within a committed relationship or be big game hunters. That means getting you to marry them before having sex and then raping you of your assets after the divorce.
 
Keep your dignity. Boycott US women that are less than feminine. Which means about all of them.
 
The voice with which you wrote your post was so pathetic, like the winey little US puppy man being slapped for peeing in the wrong spot and then going back for another slapping.
 
Thank God I live here. Thank God. Men are men here and never think as you. I’d rather live here where at times women are treated like crap then in the US where men are always treated like crap.
 
One big difference here. Most of the women know they are treated like crap and the US men still have not figured it out…. Sad very sad. Another big difference: there is plenty of sex here. Not the puritanical garden of wilted vines but the lush garden being pollinated frequently.
 
Do yourself a favor come to Latin America and understand the men first before you start to date. Learn some Spanish or you will be taken for an expensive ride. I think it best for you not to even think of marriage but to rather come here and learn to think as a Latino and get laid. You need to learn a healthy disdain for women. I did not say to disdain women I said a healthy disdain for women. That means to disdain the ones that play you. Look if you are desperate or needy, then hide it. Look you have to learn not to give a crap. Women respect it when you pay them little if any attention. Then you are a challenge. When it comes to women that are not pay for play I just hold my cards and go out with my buddies and have a good time. I ignore them. If they present themselves to me then OK. I don’t buy them drinks, and compliment them lavishly and play the you are so superior to me because you have different genitalia. Get over it. Masturbate if you need to. But kick women off the pedestal immediately. Put yourself on the pedestal. If you aint got the cash (remember rich 50 is the new 30) or the cards to play outside your age and physical league then play within your league and keep your dignity. At least play inside your league at first. Rent women out of your league if you need to.
 
Your feminist indoctrination makes you think you need to be married. You don’t and from that long letter you wrote you seem more lonely than anything. So don’t work so hard and make some men friends, that is if there are any masculine men left there besides the alpha males who won’t hang out with someone who thinks like you anyways. Learn some martial arts to revive you hunting instincts.
 
I hope you don’t get taken to the cleaners in Colombia but you are ripe for the pickings… sorry to write you the bad news so go ahead and hate the messenger, but I am a man, I instruct, I don’t nurture. Work on yourself and then you will have a chance of making someone else happy and proud. Then if you still feel marriage is necessary than go for it, as the confident man rather than the pleading boy.
 
Zon told to the truth - and from what I read in his last posts it looks as if he has a mentor and is personally developing. You should too.

[SkyNorth]

Just a quick question...It seems there is some "Game" to be played in dealing with Colombian ladies.
 
Do Colombian ladies like a man with the "Take it or Leave it" attitide?

[clarkkentinbc]

SkyNorth...

I am going to let you in on a little secret about Colombian women. If you are a good provider and a decent guy(meaning you are commited to making the family unit stronger by contributing emotionally and financially) and are there... not only visiting from time to time. A colombiana will put up with almost anything you do... within reason... She might get mad at you, she might complain to her sisters, mom, friends, cousins about you. But in the end she will almost always fall into line behind you.

It's not that they like the take it and leave it attitude... they expect you to be the head of the house or dominant figure. It is what they know... how they were raised and the environment they see all the time. if you are weak minded they will loose respect for you in this area. Thats bad! Your doomed if that happens.

It is not a game SkyNorth... it is a part of their culture. You have to understand it and opperate in and through it if you want to make things work. That is why a lot of them when you ask them if something is wrong they will say nothing... but in fact something is really wrong. they will tell everyone but you.

They think you not making a decision and taking your place as the head of the family is a game on your part. Because they do not understand our culture... and you can bet your left... you know what that it will be a cold day in hell before they adopt your culture to give up theirs... So you have to make the change.

It goes a long way to making things work with a colombian woman if you can understand a little how they think. It will never be logical... at times even it seems down right silly but that is how they think and if you can navigate around these little cultural differences the rewards far outweigh the potential problems in my opinion.

I mean it is almost better to make the wrong decision there rather than make no decision...

CK

[aconcepts]

CK- I like your post. That is the gist of being a Latino. Better to make the wrong choice and lead rather than no choice and follow. Live free or die relationship attitude. I love it....


If you do it ant other way like you say it crosses their wires. Any sensual Latina wants to be in the hands of a masculine man...


They want to be commanded. In life and in bed. You start wimping around and they get lost.


Also I see that Ticos sure don't ever bother to explain themselves. If there chicks go off on them many times they say nothing. But they never try and explain themselves when their women demand that they do... Just an observation. That explaining yourself is more US female indoctrination through the media and weak male acceptance.


On the positive side i was at the Dylan concert in Costa Rica and I met an american living here with his Latina US wife. And she said oh yeah, call Steve and you guys can go out. Hey, can you believe it, she wants her husband to be healthy. I am sure that she knows from what I could tell about him that if she tried to monopolize his time and stifle his social circle she would lose him. Hey, he is maybe late 40's and so is she and they have been here 10 years... I think she lets her man live. And he does not trade his wife and equal aged companion and mother of his child because the sex has gone stale.


Now BG and IV will hate to hear this and think less of men for me telling the truth, but as I and most of my friends agree, that when you have sex outside the marriage because you both have become bored, well you really see your women with different eyes. And it shows in the bedroom. Better for everybody... Just saying...


That is why I end up a serial monogamist. I say hey, look I need fresh sex. So instead of behind the back cheating, I end the relationship. I bet more than a couple women would have wished I would have just cheated and stayed with them... again. who knows really, but maybe..

[SkyNorth]

Thanks for the info...Clark Kent.  I am very concerned about this passive-aggresive attitude you spoke of in Latinas.  If you ask them what wrong and they say nothing but tell the world you are a jerk.  That attitude kills a relationship quicker than anything in the world.  The reason is it shows a huge lack of respect for the husband.
 
example:  if a husband missed an occasion (be it special or not special) then the husband asks "what is wrong" - when truly she is upset and channels her anger in directions that are not constructive (like telling friends, family and mother-in-laws) --  I do respect she needs to blow off steam - we all do when upset (thats simple physics) -  he could fix the problem, if she had told him when asked - However, belittling anyone spouse, colleauge, subordinate just kills the relationship

[aconcepts]

SN, I don't think you get the Latina mindset. Also her family know what she is doing so they probably won't judge you so. However, remember in LA if you date less educated ladies that are very beautiful physically this is what results. However, most Latinas are known for their tempers so you better accept this and take it into consideration. You get the passion in all parts of life with them (generally speaking). I have playmates that i see not so often and when they here that I have other women they get jealous (seriously so) even though they have other playmates boy friends... that is how it is.


One of my biggest beefs is Latinas mistake jealousy as a sign of love and caring. And they want you to show it to, Now as I said this is also a eco-socialogical occurrence. Depends on the up bringing to an extent and the progressive nature of the family. remember this, its not like the state, Even if you bring her to the states you will not escape the family.


If you are looking for a mate, rather than a playmate, take her family into consideration and be on good terms with her parents. especially her mother. She is the coach.


Take it from experience, if you want a young looker most likely she will be interested in you for hat you bring to the table. That means you wuill have to deal with jealouscy and less what we might call civilised behavior, Educated, well raised beautiful wome are looking for someone in thier leauge. That means alpha male. If you are an alpha then the world is thine oyster. If not and you want a looker, and a young one, there is a price to pay, emotionally, phyocally and financially, If you think there will not be you are fooling yourself.


Benn there done that, Now let me say, sometimes I consider those relationship a mistake and other times I consider them the best ones. Why, because the highs of the high times. Man there is nothing like a deserted beach on the west end of Cuba with a passionate cubana with a border line personality disorder. Great sex, lots of fun and never a dull moment. But the down time and expiration date of the relationship need be considered. But the menories of ocean sex and simple living eating fish on a stick and the wind in your hair with her arms wrapped around you putting down the pista, I mean its priceless. But then the ridiculous demands and illogical request can be mind numbing....


I mean she will want to argue and fight and push the boundries and be jeaoulous over nothing. That is how BPD's are, ahh but the sex... Nothing better than sex with a half crazy latina...


Choose your battles wisley and remeber no one gets out alive. That is why I accept the scratches. yes I have been bitten, scratched, slapped, spit on and screamed it the most vulgar of ways... butthe make up sex... priceless. I am a richer man for it, Now at this point in my life i have different goals and systems and strategies, But if you are in your 30's hmmm. well if you want to really live, push it to the limit....


maybe youmight want to consider Asia... just saying

[fathertime]

Thanks for the info...Clark Kent.  I am very concerned about this passive-aggresive attitude you spoke of in Latinas.  If you ask them what wrong and they say nothing but tell the world you are a jerk.  That attitude kills a relationship quicker than anything in the world.  The reason is it shows a huge lack of respect for the husband.
 
example:  if a husband missed an occasion (be it special or not special) then the husband asks "what is wrong" - when truly she is upset and channels her anger in directions that are not constructive (like telling friends, family and mother-in-laws) --  I do respect she needs to blow off steam - we all do when upset (thats simple physics) -  he could fix the problem, if she had told him when asked - However, belittling anyone spouse, colleauge, subordinate just kills the relationship

Hi Clark Kent!


I think the passive aggressive thing you speak of can be a bit annoying, but I believe in most cases there is always going to be something to contend with and if a lady needs to blow steam off and that is how she does it, I could live with that....Just so long as the majority of the time are good times.  I have a VERY short memory when it comes to disagreements with my wife and I feel that is a good trait for me, because I want to have any pent up anger...


Based on my experience, I think once a woman becomes your wife, it is not in her best interests to denigrate the husband unnecessarily.  I figure most all women talk a little crap from time to time and so do most men.   I think it is best to go into this endeavor realizing that it is very challenging...different culture...entirely different age bracket...different overall experiences....usually relatively little face time before living together and married....these things take time to figure out and work through...once married, it takes genuine commitment, which is hard verbalize here, but just realize that it ain't easy and is part of the price you pay for having a young beautiful devoted wife....I'll tell you this, in my opinion it is TOTALLY worth it.


I also agree with much of what aconcepts said...pick your battles and realize there is a price to be paid in one form or another. 


Good luck with the hunting!   
Fathertime!   


. 

[mambocowboy]

SN, I don't think you get the Latina mindset. Also her family know what she is doing so they probably won't judge you so. However, remember in LA if you date less educated ladies that are very beautiful physically this is what results. However, most Latinas are known for their tempers so you better accept this and take it into consideration. You get the passion in all parts of life with them (generally speaking). I have playmates that i see not so often and when they here that I have other women they get jealous (seriously so) even though they have other playmates boy friends... that is how it is.


One of my biggest beefs is Latinas mistake jealousy as a sign of love and caring. And they want you to show it to, Now as I said this is also a eco-socialogical occurrence. Depends on the up bringing to an extent and the progressive nature of the family. remember this, its not like the state, Even if you bring her to the states you will not escape the family.


If you are looking for a mate, rather than a playmate, take her family into consideration and be on good terms with her parents. especially her mother. She is the coach.


Take it from experience, if you want a young looker most likely she will be interested in you for hat you bring to the table. That means you wuill have to deal with jealouscy and less what we might call civilised behavior, Educated, well raised beautiful wome are looking for someone in thier leauge. That means alpha male. If you are an alpha then the world is thine oyster. If not and you want a looker, and a young one, there is a price to pay, emotionally, phyocally and financially, If you think there will not be you are fooling yourself.


Benn there done that, Now let me say, sometimes I consider those relationship a mistake and other times I consider them the best ones. Why, because the highs of the high times. Man there is nothing like a deserted beach on the west end of Cuba with a passionate cubana with a border line personality disorder. Great sex, lots of fun and never a dull moment. But the down time and expiration date of the relationship need be considered. But the menories of ocean sex and simple living eating fish on a stick and the wind in your hair with her arms wrapped around you putting down the pista, I mean its priceless. But then the ridiculous demands and illogical request can be mind numbing....


I mean she will want to argue and fight and push the boundries and be jeaoulous over nothing. That is how BPD's are, ahh but the sex... Nothing better than sex with a half crazy latina...


Choose your battles wisley and remeber no one gets out alive. That is why I accept the scratches. yes I have been bitten, scratched, slapped, spit on and screamed it the most vulgar of ways... butthe make up sex... priceless. I am a richer man for it, Now at this point in my life i have different goals and systems and strategies, But if you are in your 30's hmmm. well if you want to really live, push it to the limit....


maybe youmight want to consider Asia... just saying

I agree with aconcepts. He goes a little over the top to make his points but the essence of what he's saying makes sense...There is a price for everything. ..

[SkyNorth]

Thanks...AC, FT & MC.  And Yes, guys its tough to understand ladies period and add another culture to the mix and I'm handicapped.
 
So if I understand correctly Latina's really aren't being the crabby American lady passive agressive type that drags on for days.  But the Latina's are more yell a bit - tell her Mom or Sister and move on. 
 
But does Mom understand the husband is a good guy but only human (work distractions, meetings, paying bills, mowing grass, etc.)
 

[Woody]

But does Mom understand the husband is a good guy but only human (work distractions, meetings, paying bills, mowing grass, etc.)

This is why you need to win the mother over. Make the mother YOUR advocate and you will be fine.

[Kiltboy1]

This is why you need to win the mother over. Make the mother YOUR advocate and you will be fine.

My Mother In Law likes me a lot better then my Brother In Law(Ecuadorian) for those exact reasons  of working, taking responsibility, etc. My in laws are business owners and understand completely what it takes to make a family. I too, like FT, have a short memory. I did not used to, but for dealing with a Latina, it makes life a lot more enjoyable.
 
KB

[aconcepts]

FT exactly right - The best thing to have for a lasting marriage is a short memory!


I have many over 20 year friendships and I bet that there has been times with 3/4 of them that we were more than upset, really pissed off at each other. But you work through it.


Look, anything worthwhile is not easy. Hey, I am looking for a wise woman that still has beauty and is vital. Now that is not easy to find... but if i find it it will have tremendous value. Also being single has its challenges as well. To be successfully single. like being successfully married, takes a lot of coordinations and dealing with more than one female personality. Now you could construe that to be good or bad, the point is, it takes work to keep it in balance so when you call they are ready/happy or when they call I am ready.


What i have learned being single here is that many of my girl "friends" which are actually at times real friends unlike several girlfriends that swore they loved me but never really liked me... is that they get over it. Yeah I am playing out of my league 80% of the time but the ones I know, when i say, NO I won't loan you money again (which is really giving it away - which is OK to an extent) and No this and No that, they get huffy, but they get over it, And when I say hey, I got to go in a middle of a date because I am grumpy or just have a change of heart, they get pissed as well. But later when I see them its all forgotten. Now that does not happen in the US.


So there is the difference between the Tica latina mind and the grudge holding castrating US woman mind...

[Bob_S]

maybe youmight want to consider Asia... just saying

Or maybe not.  Given this previous comment:

Don't get me wrong I still like to rumble,

I'd say he definitely does not match the Tao and Zen of the Far East.

[clarkkentinbc]

Skynorth,

You are still trying to apply your culture to their logic. You have to remember they think different. What you consider a problem they can consider it no big deal... And vice versa. So...

Do not read to much into them talking to their friends and family about you or things they notice about you. It's really just one way they deal with things down there.

Now don't forget to take into account... Not  all the women are the same there. But for the most part they all do it to some degree. Something else to consider is that even though there might be things about you she might complain to them about. Her friends and her family will still look at you as a good man.

And as an extension of that will think you are good for her. I mean let's face it your stock/value there as a partner is much higher in most cases than what is available to these women. Most of the differences you will have will almost always be attributed to cultural differences.

I cannot stress enough how you have to keep an open mind and be willing to be a little patient with her. She will not be as flexible as you. They are not very open to accepting new concepts. They are used to going with the mass... Not going against it.

That's not to say she will not ever change its just to say it takes a lot longer for them than us. We are raised in and exposed to a culture that is open to change... It is the way we do business and the way we live our lives. Well down there a new idea takes a lot longer to take hold.

try to remember to resist the urge to force your ideals on her. And try not to react to her possibly blowing things out of proportion from your perspective. Despite her feelings in that particular instant she will most likely still fall into line behind you as the head of the house. It is just their way there.

Of course all this is assuming your being decent to her and giving her respect and not abusing her in some fashion... If you are than you get whatever is coming your way and none of the above applies... Just some food for thought

CK

[whitey]

Excellent advice, CK.

[V_Man]

This is an awesome post. I wish the OP would come back and tell us the next installment.