Sucker of the year?

[Mode1]

Tired of being alone, wanting a companion under 300 pounds without lots of tattoos, I joined an online Philippine woman meeting service.   Looked a lot.  Found a lot of very nice ladies and suitable companions.  So many including some very young.  Being a retired gentleman I wanted someone with some years on her calender so we would have something in common.  Decided on  age 50 or there about.  So many it was hard to choose.  Not going to live forever.  Picked one.  Both agreed on small wedding.


Emailed a lot.  Called, and sent text.   She wanted marriage and I agreed.   She lived her life on a smaller island, Bacolod. Intelligent, sweet, sensible.  Never been to Manila.  She had her sister-in-law  make arrangements for the wedding.  A judge and church.  Hotel room. I paid.


Lots of complications ensued.  I had to fly her and sisters to Manila.  Paid for 2 hotel rooms and food until able to have appointment at American embassy.  No one had any money except me.


Paid to fly 4 people to Bacolod, her home town, less costly to have wedding, relatives there.  Lots of taxi fare here and there. Future wife is shy, easy going, never asked for anything. Got along fine.  Enjoyed her company.  Sister-in-law was knowledge of big city ways.  Arranged for everything.  I was lost.   


Someone arranged for judge to perform ceremony early and in hotel room.  He showed up with his wife and witness to my surprise, I dressed quickly, we married, lots of relatives showed up un-invited. 


Celebration followed, I paid for everything.  Turned out my prepaid room was not for length promised and we had to relocate to a dump.  Bugs. Overflowing toilets.  No wash rags.  Ugh.


Each day we taxied to Robbins mall or similar.  Sister-in-law said Judge wants another $250.00 for coming to our room.  Everyone there wants Pesos for everything.  A grin is worth 25. Door opening..50.


Takes a long time (and money) to get marriage certificate, legal stuff done. I arrived on September 7th.  Returned to U.S.A. September 27. 


Sister-in-law claimed she lost her job because of helping wife make arrangement and  taking time off.  I have to support her and family.  Every day has a new emergency.


Lots of crying by sister in law.  Lots of "Oh my God what am I going to do.  You must help me".


Real sister says she paid extra $250 wedding costs for me and I had to repay or she gets fired.  I paid.


Wife was to stay with sister near Manila to get all paperwork done.  Passport, birth certificate, Criminal background, proof of citizenship, proof not married til now, government photo I.D, required physical and interviews,  trips to embassy ...etc.


Every day the sister or sister in law had emergency needing money.  I stated refusing, claiming I had spent it all.




After I arrived back in U.S.A., and I started balking at sending money, sister told wife to find a place of her own in Manila.  Wife is scared of big city, lost, not knowledgeable about getting things done and surviving in large strange city.


Seeing my marriage falling apart and the chance of my wife actually joining me disappear, I offered a reward of $500.00 to whoever helps my wife get things done and arrives here.  I promised to pay within 24 hours of wife arrival.


Relatives are more friendly.  Now claiming they will help wife.


Now, wife needs money for daily living.  Seems reasonable as she has no income there in strange surroundings and taxis, food, personal items do cost.


I'm perplexed.  Very much want wife to join me here.  Confused as to how much I should be sending wife for living expenses.  Thinking sister and sister in law are  over doing the "emergency" thing. 


  Am I Sucker Of the Year?  Any thoughts, questions, finger shaking are welcome.

[piglett]

well welcome to the board 1st off
my wife is in manila & due to the fact that the people that she works for had a funding issue her & all of her co-workers got some unpaid time off. she makes about p9600 a month but her rent is really cheep. she shares a small room with her little brother & the each pay p2000 a month plus she pays for the cooking gas.how much are you sending your wife each month?
i like your idea of offering $500 for a "reward" for someone helping your wife. keep in mind all the paperwork she needs cost money. how many trips have you made to the PI ?
can your wife go back to the province till her paperwork is ready? please don't take this the wrong way but......
are you sure you are really married???
was the judge a real judge? when i got married everyone wanted money 1st BEFORE the wedding so your new sister in-law may be feeding you a line of bull sh*t
 
good luck man & keep us posted
 
piglett
 
 

[Gato4Astrid]

One thing you need to consider that they survived before you come along....

[Zon]

"  Am I Sucker Of the Year? "

Sure sounds like it.     

I got a phone call from a friend of a friend yesturday; people know I spend a lot of time overseas.  Anyway, the request came in: Can I get a Mail Order Bride?  Hmmm.  I just don't understand how people can think it works that way?

[robert angel]

Uh--Ray?--knock, knock.....

[Gato4Astrid]

Uh--Ray?--knock, knock.....

Who's there?   lol

[Gato4Astrid]

she makes about p9600 a month
 
piglett

P9600 is about GB £140 / US $220 / $ 420,000 COP   


Is this a good salary for average worker in Philippines?

[z_k_g]

M1,

Welcome to P-L.

I think the key element in any dating is patience.  Lots of things seem to gain clarity when you just wait them out.

In your case, I realize that you may be in a hurry to get hitched.  Being alone sucks. 

But being alone and getting f*ucked over by a bunch of scammers sucks even more!

I won't make any negative comments concerning your pinay (wife?) but as far as the relatives are concerned, you were scammed completely by them.

I don't think you are a complete sucker.  But what I do believe is that your pinay (at the least) is allowing her relatives to fleece you.  This collusion can be taken as purposeful, which would make you a complete sucker, or she is being manipulated, which would make you a complete soft belly bitch boy.  Take your pick.

A near 50 year old pinay is virtually unwanted in the Philippines.   At that age I'm sure she's had a few kids (and probably married?)  Older (over 30 is older) women with children and abandoned married women are plentiful and litter every province, pinoys have rutted them and gotten maximum enjoyment from them.

So...she should be very very grateful that a kano is interested.  Most of us are interested in the 18 to 35 range for marriage, with the average age being 25 or so.  What a lucky (and stupid to screw you around) pinay.

I'm really not sure about the validity of your marriage, that's an issue.  She may be already married and that ceremony was a shame to extract more cash.  Anyways, get a proof of non-marriage before you do anything else.  If your marriage is non valid, run away!!

If I were you, I would clean the slate and start all over.  Course, I'm not in a hurry to get married and.......I'm not YOU so.....

If you are now married, divorces are pretty much impossible so you need to figure out how you will deal with your new wife and her sister (who seems to run everything!)

Sounds like a real big train wreck bro waiting to crash and explode.....

Good Luck,

Zulu

[benjio]

Unbelievable!!! Thanks for sharing M1 and best of luck to you.

[Ray]

  Am I Sucker Of the Year?
 

 
Yes.
 
 
I think you should divorce your sister-in-law... 
 
 
Ray
 
 
 

[thekfc]

Hi Mode1,
             Just want to clarify a few things:
 
Have you made any previous trips to meet this woman?
 
You had to fly them to Manila & the American Embassy. Why?
They cannot get into the Embassy - only you and your future wife.
You have to get a Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage from the Embassy & she have to get a CENOMAR from the NSO office & she can get that in her home town.
 
She went to Manila to get all the paperwork done.
She have never been to Manila, so why is she going to a city she wasn't born in or ever been to to get her documents - that should be done in her home city/province. 
 
Civil wedding:
Did you get a marriage license (not a marriage certificate)? Was there a waiting period?
Process:
1. Get the Legal capacity to marry & CENOMAR
2. File application for marriage license at Registrar's office.  Were you present when that was done? A marriage license CANNOT be issues without your presence.
3. 10 Day waiting period.  You arrived on the 7th - when did you get married?
 
A judge showed up unannounce to married you? uninvited wedding guest? WTF!!!!!!
 
The money issue.
What can I say that haven't been said?
 
All future "travelers" please take notice as this is a good learning tool. Know what to expect & what not to do.
 

[Ray]

 
Good points kfc, except that there is no CENOMAR required for a marriage license.
 
Also...
 
From Family Code of the Philippines:
 
 
 Article. 8. The marriage shall be solemnized publicly in the chambers of the judge or in open court, in the church, chapel or temple, or in the office the consul-general, consul or vice-consul, as the case may be, and not elsewhere, except in cases of marriages contracted on the point of death or in remote places in accordance with Article 29 of this Code, or where both of the parties request the solemnizing officer in writing in which case the marriage may be solemnized at a house or place designated by them in a sworn statement to that effect. [size=-2](57a)[/size]      Ray   

[thekfc]

Correct on the CENOMAR for marriage license. 
 
Also, it would be a foolish move not to get a CENOMAR for/from the future spouse (especially for someone at that age).
 

[Bob_S]

I think you should divorce your sister-in-law... 

That pretty much sums it up. 

I don't see anything wrong with the "wife" (if she actually is a legal wife), but that sister-in-law takes the cake.  It seems she is the matriarch of the family, and since she's not the one marrying a rich kano, she's going to try to take you for as much as she can.  We've seen these kinds of issues before with extended family trying to take advantage of the foreign husband.  Ultimately, the real question will come down to: will your wife defend you against her greedy family.

[robert angel]

M1,
I was hoping there would be more said that was of help, but that said, I can't think of anything more to say that would actually help. It is an unfortunate situation, to put it mildly.
I think the most important thing is as said--find out with total clarity:

whether or not you are legally married to her.
If you feel you've made a mistake, and there are some real red flags here that might suggest just starting over in your search is advisable,  but then you find out you actually ARE legally married to her, I wonder if that makes it very difficult, if possible at all,  to marry another Filipina? I would think so, until that's straightened out, but I'd like to hear what the others have to say about 'that'.
 
Have you been doing paperwork with the USCIS? Have documents, paperwork that's been filed? What exactly has been the involvement wuth the American Embassy? If you really don't know, just be honest--we're here to help, not throw barbs at you.

Anyways, wish you'd come here earlier, but regardless I'm sure you can get some help. You sound like a nice guy--don't get too offended when some guys 'call em as they see em'--they really are trying to help.

[Researcher]

   Welcome to the board Mode1!

   I can respond to you on this one all by myself! hehehe! ....Here it is in a nutshell: you rushed into this before checking things out. I don't think many guys realize what a risk they take when they don't take the time to feel a situation out. If your "alleged" wife isn't scamming you it sure sounds like her family is taking advantage of the situatuon.Here's a couple of options 1)Cut your losses. First find out if you are even legally married.If you are find out how to get out of the situation.
2) Stay with your wife...and still find out if you are legally married.If you want to pay your wife's family to help out that is up to you but I'd find a way around them and call their bluff.

     Are you The Sucker of the Year? Nah, there is way too much competition out there!


     Researcher

[Samuel]

Picked one.  Both agreed on small wedding.


...

Emailed a lot.  Called, and sent text.   She wanted marriage and I agreed.   


Am I Sucker Of the Year?  Any thoughts, questions, finger shaking are welcome.

Why would you agree to marry someone without getting to know them (in person) well first?   


You have become that family's cash cow.  I would not send any money to your new wife other than what is needed for the bare necessities. 

[z_k_g]

M1,


1- Find out if you are legally married
2- Cut off the Sister-In-Law and the other moochers
3- Deal directly with your pinay (wife?)
4- Get her Documents together (if she is your wife)
5- Get her out of the PI
6- If she is not your legal wife (seems that way) cut your losses and find another pinay!


Zulu

[Samuel]

7.  Spend time with her before proposing.

[Gato4Astrid]

If it were up to me, I don't give a damn about the sister-in-law!    You have never helped your own sister, so why should you help her sister!!!

[Mode1]

Thanks to everyone for their comments and advice.  To answer a few questions:


I have only been to the Philippines once.  Will not go back.


I had to go to the U.S. Embassy to get papers showing I had the legal capacity to marry in Philippines.  Birth certificate, passport, not already married, etc.


The wife wanted to meet me when  I arrived in Manila.  Never been there herself so she had sister in law fly to Manila from Bacolod with her.  I paid.


Two blood sisters joined us at the hotel an hour later. Needed to stay there while waiting for appointment at American Embassy. Took longer than expected.  I had to rent another room to accommodation the relatives. Need them to 'show us the ropes'.  They did know their way around the big city.  I was lost of course.
Week later I flew wife, myself, sister in law, sisters to wife home town.


One problem, I  needed  to  pay extra for judge to 'pull strings' and get married befor leaving as I would not  be there long enough.  Paid extra for fast paper processing.


I do not think I rushed into marriage.  I am 63. She is 50.  I have no minor children.  She has no children. We are adults and I am not wealthy.  We talked back and forth for a long time.   Many people know each other years and still their marriage fails.  I took a prenuptial.  Told all concerned I am not wealthy.  Will only support wife.  Have received an emailed copy of marriage certificate.


Wife says it will cost around 20,300 for all the needed paper processing, passport, transportation back and forth, food while she stays in Manila.  Does not include mandatory U.S. Embassy interview.  Otherwise I pay for her to fly back and forth many times.


My cost for passport, birth certifiable...etc in U.S was about that amount so does not seem unreasonable.  I thought getting married was simple.  And inexpensive.  Not so.


What is the general consensus a reasonable amount to send the wife for living expenses while in the big city?  How long a wait?  6 month? Year?


Thanks again for the support.

[thekfc]

A few things.

Email copy of the marriage certificate? From who?

You were there for 20 Days & I assumed that you got married before the waiting period was over so the remaining days would have given you enough time to get a physical copy.
You will need a Physical copy from the Registrar in the city you registered& got married/from the NSO office.

Prenuptial?
I will let the more knowledgeable people on the subject handle this one.

Wife says it will cost around 20,300 for all the needed paper processing, passport, transportation back and forth, food while she stays in Manila.  Does not include mandatory U.S. Embassy interview.  Otherwise I pay for her to fly back and forth many times.

Stop!!! Halt!!! Do not pass Go!!!!
Before you sent anymore money - find out EXACTLY what is going on & please keep on reading.

What is the general consensus a reasonable amount to send the wife for living expenses while in the big city?  How long a wait?  6 month? Year?

The only things that she have to be in the big city for are:
1. Medical Exam (for visa)
2. Visa interview.
3. CFO Seminar.
Everything else she can take care of in Bacolod & all of the above 3 have to be done AFTER the Visa petition is approved.  All that can be taken care of in about 4 days (maybe a week if she comes to the big city a day before & leave the day after).  She will need at least 2 days for the medical exam at St Lukes Medical Center (That is the ONLY place she can have the medical done), 1 day interview at the US Embassy & 1 days CFO seminar.

How long of a wait? There is no accurate answer for that. It all depends on how the visa process goes for you - everyone timeline is different.

The visa process is like this:
1. You collect all needed documents and YOU (not her or ANYONE else) file the petition in the USA (I assume that is where you are now). You file the petition with the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS).
2. You wait until you get notices from USCIS (you will get at least 2 - one saying that your petition have been received & if everything is fine, another one saying that your petition have been accepted).
3. Once your petition is approved then USCIS will send your petition to the National Visa Center (NVC) and they will contact you & then YOU will have to send in another set of documents to that center.
4. When NVC informs you that your petition have been accepted THEN that is when your wife go to Manila for (a) The Medical at St. Luke & later (b) the interview at the US Embassy.

I just caught something else from your first post:

Wife was to stay with sister near Manila to get all paperwork done.  Passport, birth certificate, Criminal background, proof of citizenship, proof not married til now, government photo I.D, required physical and interviews,  trips to embassy ...etc.

Can you clarify a bit on the following:
Was the above highlighted already done? If so then why will she need the 20,300 for?

Physicals and interviews? What for?

Trips to embassy? trips - more than one?. When I went to the US Embassy, I did everything in one trip.

[JWR]

"I have only been to the Philippines once.  Will not go back".
Why not?
This country, and culture are going to be a big part of your life.  If you are already "over it", it's not a good sign at all.
This may have been a mistake for you, so just don't turn the mistake into a disaster by bringing her to the US even if you are already married.  I see guys get caught up in the momentum because of the time, effort and money they've already spent.  If things are not right, it's better to cut your losses now.
If you bring her here, and things don't work out, you will damage your life beyond words in so many ways you can't even imagine.  It's bad, real bad, when these marriages go wrong.  This risk to you is so great, it may be worth another trip over, to spend more time with her.  Go slow, be sure.  One quick trip is just not much time at all.  And during your quick trip, it sounds like you spent most of the time doing logistics.
Maybe she is a great match for you, and it's just the family that is working you over for the $.  But I agree with Zulu in that I think she should be defending you against this non-sense.

 

[piglett]

P9600 is about GB £140 / US $220 / $ 420,000 COP   


Is this a good salary for average worker in Philippines?

this is better than what many people make in a month there. it's not huge money but can survive on it.

[piglett]

 
Yes.
 
 
I think you should divorce your sister-in-law... 
 
 
Ray

hey Ray he can have my sister in-law too 
 
pig