Obserations on the costeña front.

[beginthebeguin]

I am now becoming conviced that costeñas are of a different species than the rest of us.
Yes, FT will be happy to know that I am back with my costena as my 'steady'. And after all my waywardness I am now conviced that this woman is just that, a 'real' woman. In other words she is true to her gender and worth persuing. There is something about the 'living for the moment' quality that costenas have and that was mentioned before by other more experienced members here on this forum (Yes, you know who you are.).
And they are right, costenas don't plan very far ahead. There is something of a fatalism in there psyche that tells them not to expect too much out of life, hence the living for the moment mindset.
My costena just turned 41 last week and although she is a mature woman she is still hopeful that she will find someone. But she made it clear to me that we are not yet novios after many months of chatting online nearly every day. She is hoping for me to arrive to see her in about 9 months but she is not 'setting her bonnet' on it, using  a cliche from a John Ford movie script. I sense that she is 'holding back' because to a costeña Murphy's law applies to relationships in spades. 
I can respect that. But in a way I admire that as well. She has been very straightforward about that issue. And this keeps me intrigued about her in particular to say the least.
The reason why I am reporting this observation is that we have been 'opening up' with each other, and as a result we are not taking each other too seriously. Our discussions have been a mixture of fun and seriousness whereas before it was mostly serious chatter. And as some of the older hands have observed costeñas love to have fun and find any excuse for a party. But with my mature costeña she is not 'partying' but is in a way finally 'letting her hair down' yet still being realistic at the same time. Our relationship is now getting interesting.   

[michaelb]

Aren't you already in Colombia? If so, then I'm confused. Why would it take you nine months to go visit her? Maybe you should have Michaleen speak to her for you?

[beginthebeguin]

No, I plan to arrive sometime after July of next year. And she knows this and has been discussed at length.
BTW. The movie "El Hombre Tranquilo" (a dubbed version) was sent to her by me 6 months ago. And do you know what? She gets it. She understands the basic premise of the plot. Especially the scene where Mary Kate Danaher slams shut the door to the furnace and the dowery is gone and just then, the dowery means nothing to her. That to me is the best scene in the movie. And if your lady gets that pivotal scene then she is very perceptive even though she might not be Irish. jajajajaja
   

[opusone]

I would have to say that in my experience, the Costena is not the most organized or smartest knife in the Colombian drawer, but then again, if I wanted a lawyer, psychiatrist, C.E.O of a fortune 500 company, who would debate and argue with me all day long, I would look for a wife in the U.S.
Costenas more than make up for the lack of higher education, or organizational skills, by living one day at a time, and being impulsive. This does wonders in bed I tell you. It is a relief to see and feel  that.

[Jeff S]

Just as much debating and arguing going on in trailer parks as there is in gated communities. Intelligence and education have nothing to do with how amicable a wife is or how well she gets along. In fact, I'd say the opposite is true - the dumber she is the more likely you are to get into conflict. Of course it depends on how dense the man is as well. By pursuing someone you consider less bright than yourself, I'd say you were trying to get the upper hand in the relationship power wise. And if you believe that'll work, I have a great deal on a bridge for you.

[benjio]

I personally have no problem with the debating and arguing as long as it's about things like the origin of the universe or the best investment strategies and not why she absolutely has to have that new Prada bag no matter how much it cost. It has been quite a challenge finding a good "debating partner" in Colombia. Most of the Costeñas I've met are not dumb for lack of intelligence but rather the lack of a decent education. As I've gotten to know more than a few personally, their street smarts and survival instincts usually prove to be an invaluable asset. Especially when in Colombia. As Opusone stated, they definitely make up for that in others ways.

[JWR]

So you are going to chat for 9 months.......9 months???
Then you are going to go down.
Wow that is alot of wasted time if you meet her and have no chemistry.  You will know in 20 seconds.
 
 
 
 
 

I am now becoming conviced that costeñas are of a different species than the rest of us.
Yes, FT will be happy to know that I am back with my costena as my 'steady'. And after all my waywardness I am now conviced that this woman is just that, a 'real' woman. In other words she is true to her gender and worth persuing. There is something about the 'living for the moment' quality that costenas have and that was mentioned before by other more experienced members here on this forum (Yes, you know who you are.).
And they are right, costenas don't plan very far ahead. There is something of a fatalism in there psyche that tells them not to expect too much out of life, hence the living for the moment mindset.
My costena just turned 41 last week and although she is a mature woman she is still hopeful that she will find someone. But she made it clear to me that we are not yet novios after many months of chatting online nearly every day. She is hoping for me to arrive to see her in about 9 months but she is not 'setting her bonnet' on it, using  a cliche from a John Ford movie script. I sense that she is 'holding back' because to a costeña Murphy's law applies to relationships in spades. 
I can respect that. But in a way I admire that as well. She has been very straightforward about that issue. And this keeps me intrigued about her in particular to say the least.
The reason why I am reporting this observation is that we have been 'opening up' with each other, and as a result we are not taking each other too seriously. Our discussions have been a mixture of fun and seriousness whereas before it was mostly serious chatter. And as some of the older hands have observed costeñas love to have fun and find any excuse for a party. But with my mature costeña she is not 'partying' but is in a way finally 'letting her hair down' yet still being realistic at the same time. Our relationship is now getting interesting.

[opusone]

Just as much debating and arguing going on in trailer parks as there is in gated communities. Intelligence and education have nothing to do with how amicable a wife is or how well she gets along. In fact, I'd say the opposite is true - the dumber she is the more likely you are to get into conflict. Of course it depends on how dense the man is as well. By pursuing someone you consider less bright than yourself, I'd say you were trying to get the upper hand in the relationship power wise. And if you believe that'll work, I have a great deal on a bridge for you.

Jeff, is it too much for you to ask someone to clarify what they mean as opposed to constantly assuming you have the answer to a statement that was made? You did the same thing when I stated that "not all women marry for the same reasons". If you think that "the dumber she is ,the more likely you are to get into conflict" then that is your opinion I neither endorse it or reject it, because that is your opinion. I don't understand why you would jump to the conclusion that "by pursuing someone you consider less brighter than yourself,  one was trying to get the upper hand in a relationship power wise". Maybe you should take a survey in the forum and find out how many men in here think they are smarter than their wife  from Barranquilla. If you have been to Bogota then you surely would see a glaring difference in the educational level and organization in Bogota as opposed to the women in Barranquilla. Whether or not that is due to values, opportunity, or individual motivation is subject to debate, but that is not the point . Most men who pursue women with higher education , would rather search in Bogota than say, Barranquilla, simply because of the numbers available in Bogota who have the opportunity . I could take you to rural parts of Cuba and you would see a big difference between the women in these parts ,as opposed to Havana. I wouldn't choose a wife from Havana, but the rural parts are fine by me. I guess that makes me a dominating P**ick. I don't know what to tell you , ask around.


Allow me to clarify: I stated that in my experience, the Costena is not the smartest or most organized knife in the Colombian drawer. That would mean that I am comparing Colombia by region. Your point about what would work, or not work, is exactly up to who?


 Would it be up to you to decide what works, because of what works for you? Some of us don't need lawyers, or doctors in our lives to complete our lives.   Perhaps many men in here go to Barranquilla in search for doctors, lawyers, etc, but I haven't seen it to be the case.


As Benjio stated , "it has been quite a challenge finding a good debate partner in Colombia. Does that mean they are dumb? No. It means that the culture is not dictated by how well you can  or can't debate. You would be the only one assuming that I am calling them dumb. How you equate simple and traditional to dumb and prone to domination, is not something I want to figure out.
 You're up to 2 deals on  bridges you have to sell, I'll take them both.

[latina1988]

hola
she is costena that part of the coast is she ? ,,
I hope a good relationship between you
i am colombian women ! from barranquilla

[beginthebeguin]

Muchas gracias latina1988. La Costeña que me interesa mucho es de unos cuarenta años y ha vivido en Barranquilla desde que tenía doce años. Su familia era originaria de Sincelejo.
Ella vive con su madre viuda y su hijo. También ella y su cuñada han decidido tener a su sobrina a vivir con ellos ya que su barrio tiene la mejor escuela que el barrio vecino. Se las arreglan para mantener a la familia extendida hacia adelante. Esto creo que se puede entender todo bien.

[latina1988]

si muy bien a mi parecer .. y por que tu me cuentas .. ella tiene buenos sentimientos de superacion y es una mujer madura ! y me gustan mujeres de sincelojo .. muy dadas al hogar ! a la cocina ! te digo que estas muy bien ! espero algo bueno para ti ..

[latina1988]

tu has visitado alguna vez barranquilla !... esta bueno para ti .. conocer mas a ella desde su familia ,,algo que debes tener en cuenta como es el comportamiento de ella con su familia , con sus amigos y contigo asi tu podras determinar si es mal ... si una mujer no respeta su familia .. tampoco lo hara contigo ! y fijate en las amigas que ella tiene .. este puede ser una pista

[beginthebeguin]

Ella es de mente muy aguda. Y muy orientado a la familia tanto es así que le dije que cuando su madre muere ella puede muy bien ser la matriarca de la familia extendida. Sentí cuando ella me dijo que se está llevando a su sobrina bajo su ala como su sobrina crezca.

[latina1988]

esa muy bien ! ella es un real mujer costena ! llena de virtudes .. felicitaciones con tu eleccion

[Jeff S]

Jeff, is it too much for you to ask someone to clarify what they mean as opposed to constantly assuming you have the answer to a statement that was made? You did the same thing when I stated that "not all women marry for the same reasons". If you think that "the dumber she is ,the more likely you are to get into conflict" then that is your opinion I neither endorse it or reject it, because that is your opinion. I don't understand why you would jump to the conclusion that "by pursuing someone you consider less brighter than yourself,  one was trying to get the upper hand in a relationship power wise". Maybe you should take a survey in the forum and find out how many men in here think they are smarter than their wife  from Barranquilla. If you have been to Bogota then you surely would see a glaring difference in the educational level and organization in Bogota as opposed to the women in Barranquilla. Whether or not that is due to values, opportunity, or individual motivation is subject to debate, but that is not the point . Most men who pursue women with higher education , would rather search in Bogota than say, Barranquilla, simply because of the numbers available in Bogota who have the opportunity . I could take you to rural parts of Cuba and you would see a big difference between the women in these parts ,as opposed to Havana. I wouldn't choose a wife from Havana, but the rural parts are fine by me. I guess that makes me a dominating P**ick. I don't know what to tell you , ask around.


Allow me to clarify: I stated that in my experience, the Costena is not the smartest or most organized knife in the Colombian drawer. That would mean that I am comparing Colombia by region. Your point about what would work, or not work, is exactly up to who?


 Would it be up to you to decide what works, because of what works for you? Some of us don't need lawyers, or doctors in our lives to complete our lives.   Perhaps many men in here go to Barranquilla in search for doctors, lawyers, etc, but I haven't seen it to be the case.


As Benjio stated , "it has been quite a challenge finding a good debate partner in Colombia. Does that mean they are dumb? No. It means that the culture is not dictated by how well you can  or can't debate. You would be the only one assuming that I am calling them dumb. How you equate simple and traditional to dumb and prone to domination, is not something I want to figure out.
 You're up to 2 deals on  bridges you have to sell, I'll take them both.

Are you saying that in your post you didn't imply that someone who was the opposite of "not the sharpest knife in the drawer" was "a lawyer, psychiatrist, C.E.O of a fortune 500 company, who would debate and argue with me all day long?" If not, to what end did you say that?


The point of my post seems pretty clear, at least I tried to make it that way: that there are many intelligent, educated and classy women who are not lawyers, psychiatrists or C.E.O.s of fortune 500 companies wanting to debate and argue with you endlessly. What was the point of yours?

[opusone]

Are you saying that in your post you didn't imply that someone who was the opposite of "not the sharpest knife in the drawer" was "a lawyer, psychiatrist, C.E.O of a fortune 500 company, who would debate and argue with me all day long?" If not, to what end did you say that?


The point of my post seems pretty clear, at least I tried to make it that way: that there are many intelligent, educated and classy women who are not lawyers, psychiatrists or C.E.O.s of fortune 500 companies wanting to debate and argue with you endlessly. What was the point of yours?

I think you should read you previous post in its entirety. Then if it's not too much trouble you can read mine.

[Chris F]

I am now becoming conviced that costeñas are of a different species than the rest of us.
Yes, FT will be happy to know that I am back with my costena as my 'steady'. And after all my waywardness I am now conviced that this woman is just that, a 'real' woman. In other words she is true to her gender and worth persuing. There is something about the 'living for the moment' quality that costenas have and that was mentioned before by other more experienced members here on this forum (Yes, you know who you are.).
And they are right, costenas don't plan very far ahead. There is something of a fatalism in there psyche that tells them not to expect too much out of life, hence the living for the moment mindset.
My costena just turned 41 last week and although she is a mature woman she is still hopeful that she will find someone. But she made it clear to me that we are not yet novios after many months of chatting online nearly every day. She is hoping for me to arrive to see her in about 9 months but she is not 'setting her bonnet' on it, using  a cliche from a John Ford movie script. I sense that she is 'holding back' because to a costeña Murphy's law applies to relationships in spades. 
I can respect that. But in a way I admire that as well. She has been very straightforward about that issue. And this keeps me intrigued about her in particular to say the least.
The reason why I am reporting this observation is that we have been 'opening up' with each other, and as a result we are not taking each other too seriously. Our discussions have been a mixture of fun and seriousness whereas before it was mostly serious chatter. And as some of the older hands have observed costeñas love to have fun and find any excuse for a party. But with my mature costeña she is not 'partying' but is in a way finally 'letting her hair down' yet still being realistic at the same time. Our relationship is now getting interesting.

Ok Begin..I just need to respectfully summarize your situation if I may.  First, you "broke up" with a woman that you have never met. Now, the woman you have never met is your "steady" again and she will wait another nine months before you go to Colombia.
Thanks for letting me summarize this.
 

[Researcher]

I am now becoming conviced that costeñas are of a different species than the rest of us.
Yes, FT will be happy to know that I am back with my costena as my 'steady'. And after all my waywardness I am now conviced that this woman is just that, a 'real' woman. In other words she is true to her gender and worth persuing. There is something about the 'living for the moment' quality that costenas have and that was mentioned before by other more experienced members here on this forum (Yes, you know who you are.).
And they are right, costenas don't plan very far ahead. There is something of a fatalism in there psyche that tells them not to expect too much out of life, hence the living for the moment mindset.
My costena just turned 41 last week and although she is a mature woman she is still hopeful that she will find someone. But she made it clear to me that we are not yet novios after many months of chatting online nearly every day. She is hoping for me to arrive to see her in about 9 months but she is not 'setting her bonnet' on it, using  a cliche from a John Ford movie script. I sense that she is 'holding back' because to a costeña Murphy's law applies to relationships in spades. 
I can respect that. But in a way I admire that as well. She has been very straightforward about that issue. And this keeps me intrigued about her in particular to say the least.
The reason why I am reporting this observation is that we have been 'opening up' with each other, and as a result we are not taking each other too seriously. Our discussions have been a mixture of fun and seriousness whereas before it was mostly serious chatter. And as some of the older hands have observed costeñas love to have fun and find any excuse for a party. But with my mature costeña she is not 'partying' but is in a way finally 'letting her hair down' yet still being realistic at the same time. Our relationship is now getting interesting.

     Well Begin,you are back with the lady you were chatting with before? OK. Are you sure you want to spend 9 months chatting.I would think a guy with that much time would want to sow some "cyber oats".Why not play the field?


      Researcher

[beginthebeguin]

Oh wait it's Tuesday. Must be 'rag' on beginthebeguin day. Hey at least FT lays off of me on tuesdays. BTW you guys are just now doing the old criticism routine. This post has been up for almost a week.

[benjio]

Begin,
 
Perhaps you mentioned it in another post and I missed it, but what kind of job/commitments do you have where you can't get off for a week during a nine month period? Not that I don't understand, I'm just curious.
 
I've said it before, I'll say it again: If a guy can't visit at least three times a year to actually build a personal relationship with a Latina they shouldn't even attempt to explore this option. But with a 41 year old woman who's waited this long for the love of her life, I suppose she can be patient.
 
I have to agree with Researcher. 9 nine months is almost a year. Anything can happen in between now and then. I'd be trying to make more friends. Nothing wrong with having multiple prospects.

[opusone]

Oh wait it's Tuesday. Must be 'rag' on beginthebeguin day. Hey at least FT lays off of me on tuesdays. BTW you guys are just now doing the old criticism routine. This post has been up for almost a week.

Sounds/Look like we are trying to help you more than anything else. Most of us have been there. don't take it personal, Begin

[AndyLee]

Oh wait it's Tuesday. Must be 'rag' on beginthebeguin day. Hey at least FT lays off of me on tuesdays. BTW you guys are just now doing the old criticism routine. This post has been up for almost a week.

B to B, please don't take this the wrong way, it is only to share my experience. My first contact with a woman on LatinAmericanCupid I was writing to in Costa Rica. WE got along famously online, everything appeared great. When I went there to meet her she met me at the airport. When I walked out of customs and into the parking lot to meet her you should have seen the look of disappointment in her eyes, and I probably looked the same way. We both knew instantly that even though we had felt all kinds of chemistry online when we met in person it was a fizzle. Then I did it again, the second time I actually liked the woman well enough to hang out with her for 3 days before I broke it off.
What I am saying from my own experience is that the feelings you get online MAY BE totally different from the feelings you have in person. I am saying it is entirely possible for a man and woman to have a committed cyber relationship for 18 months then steps off the plane to discover true love but it is even more likely both the man and the woman will say OMG I don't even like this person.
My recommendation is to do one of two things; A. Get on a plane and go meet her. B. Spend some time talking to other women during the 18 months and setting up a few friendships so you can have a Plan B when you go to Colombia.
Whatever you choose to do I wish you good luck.

[Researcher]

Oh wait it's Tuesday. Must be 'rag' on beginthebeguin day. Hey at least FT lays off of me on tuesdays. BTW you guys are just now doing the old criticism routine. This post has been up for almost a week.

   Begin,

     I hope you see that there is not as much "ragging" going on as you might think.Looks like there are several latin america vets here that don't see the logic in your thinking,Frankly if I were in your shoes and about to go expat I think I would be asking the expats here some questions and possibly making contact with them.A contact in a place like Colombia is valuable.There are many lessons to be learned the hard way in Colombia and a good contact with experience there can save you alot of heart ache.

       Researcher 

[Woody]

   Begin,

     I hope you see that there is not as much "ragging" going on as you might think.Looks like there are several latin america vets here that don't see the logic in your thinking,Frankly if I were in your shoes and about to go expat I think I would be asking the expats here some questions and possibly making contact with them.A contact in a place like Colombia is valuable.There are many lessons to be learned the hard way in Colombia and a good contact with experience there can save you alot of heart ache.

       Researcher

No kidding. The ability to LIVE in Colombia for extended periods changes the whole dynamic. I am not sure why BtB is chatting up ONE lady especially after they have already had a falling out. With the potential to move to Colombia and enjoy the day to day, your options are a lot greater and you can spend more time, IN PERSON, to really get to know someone. If BtB insists in putting all his eggs in one basket, that is his decision, but I would say should really reconsider things.

[Gato4Astrid]

No kidding. The ability to LIVE in Colombia for extended periods changes the whole dynamic. I am not sure why BtB is chatting up ONE lady especially after they have already had a falling out. With the potential to move to Colombia and enjoy the day to day, your options are a lot greater and you can spend more time, IN PERSON, to really get to know someone. If BtB insists in putting all his eggs in one basket, that is his decision, but I would say should really reconsider things.

I have been chatting to one lady for 9 months (December 2009 - September 2010) until I have met her, and we are still going very well.  Sometimes you have to take the risky.  Chemistry isn't everything, but at least we had webcam sessions everyday and felt the chemistry.   If you do not have chemistry when talking over webcam, then most likely not to have it in real meeting.  When you have chemistry over webcam, it will be your risk whether you have the chemistry in real life.