Half your age plus 7 years

[AndyLee]

Here's a chart from Wiki.  Do you think it is applicable to relationships in US? In Phillipines? In Colombia? Do you know anyone who has a successful relationship with a woman who is half his age plus 7 years?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/17/Half-age-plus-seven-relationship-rule.svg
How do you gauge what is a "successful" relationship with a younger woman?

[Zon]

an eternal point for vibrant discussion here.

I will chime in that age is a number, and thus is a poor single variable.  There are looks, behavior, wealth, status, and other important factors that determine a man's attractiveness.  I will also say that in some poor areas of Colombia, and the Fils (I think), these measurements are not at work, or suspended in favor of only one factor; wealth (and that does not mean rich).

Very important for a guy dating, or wanting to marry a woman from these locations - AND BRING HER BACK TO THE USA - to understand these subtleties 100%.

I am 47 and the oldest person I have dated in 3 years was 32 - a Colombiana.   I am not AGAINST dating women that are older, I really judge only on chemistry and physical attraction, not age.  But, I greatly prefer woman 25 - 32, rather than younger, or older.  just my 2 cents.

[beginthebeguin]

Thing that strikes me most upon first glance is that as the man gets older the 'acceptable' range gets wider. Is this due to the man's maturity or the woman's?

[Researcher]

          AndyLee whenever the topic of age difference comes up on this forum this formula is brought up as a good guideline to use.I agree it is. I used it as a starting point for what age group I wanted to start with but as Zon pointed out there are other things to consider.

         Researcher

[dennislevy]

Im 58, I arrived in Colombia for the first time 4 months before my 55th birthday. Ive had 4 brief relationships with women were that 30 to 33, two with children and  two without kids, I ve foound that most women  in the 30 to 35 age group seem to have a cut off at 45 to 50 for men, and many prefer men their  age or younger
 
But at 40 women expand the their parameters and will go....40 to 60 for men and I ve been able to date many women in their early 40s.  I think the half plus 7 is a useful guideline...for me the minimum s 36 but I havent dated many women of that age.
 
Age is a number, but its also indication of life experiences, the experiences may be postive or negative, or like most of us a combination of both...but when there s too large an age discrepany and  too large a discrepancy in experiences and maturity...... I think the chances of a long term successful realtionship diminish.
 
Certainly if a man has money and he wants to look  in poorer social classes, he may swing a bigger stick (tounge in cheek pun intented)...but what is the basis of the relationship?
 
Traveler brought up the example of a 60 year old man who married an 18 year old girl... in my woldest dreams, I could not see myself (even if i looked like a 58 year old verrsion of Brad Pitt) wth an 18 year old girl.....


In addtion to age difference, my considerations are


Values
level of education attained
Ability to communicate
Has she suffered emotional damage in her past...and how much?
kids? and if so what ages?
What are the kids doing?
Does she work and what does she do
Vices.....(I don t  care how beautiful a woman is,,,if she smokes, I won ty  pursue or go out with her.
degree of sexual chemistry between us
her relationships with her imemdiate family, kidas, parents, siblings
Does she have tact and sweetness.
and Ill admit I take their zodiac sign into consideration!...
 

 
 
   

[mudd]

depends on some  factors.  your personality, health,looks and hers ect ........ but


biggest one is.... where your going to live.


 i dont see it such a problem if your living in her country where  age differences are norm, but most other countries, its not the norm and after a girl is in a different country, she see how many  options she now has..... and a 45 year old graying husband... now doesn't look like such a good option anymore..... where now  she can get 35 year old man who's in   better shape, younger and has just as much $$$.   seen that a few times. Colombian girl marries a guy 20 plus years older, stays with him for about a year or two and then leaves him for a younger guy or just leaves him when she gets established.

[raycjs]

this subject comes out about every few months and we all have discussed this to death. there are so many differnet factors to consider. i would have to say that there are a few major factors. where you live and how you live. what the guy looks likes and weather or not he cares about how he looks and if he plans to take care of himself. do you plan on your women working or staying home. all of these thing will come in to plan when you are deciding on what is the proper age for you.
 
 
Ray

[Traveler]

Well, I can give you some examples.  My father had a girlfriend for several years who was 30 years younger than him, and he was the one who ended the relationship - the girl was talking marriage and kids, and he didn't want to go there.  His friend who is like 64 or 65 has been with his wife for like 4 or 5 years, they have 2 kids, and she is very happy with him.  She is I believe 26 now.  His other friend who is 60 married an 18 yo girl two years ago, they have a kid, and the girl is definitely happy with the arrangement.  But this is in another country  .
 
What Mudd said is correct, but I believe an even bigger issue is that women in the US absolutely HATE when an older guy is dating a younger woman.  They HATE, HATE, HATE it.  They wait until they are over 30, sometimes well over 30, to settle down so that they have time to have fun, achieve professional success, whatever, and then when they are past their prime they all of a sudden remember that they need to find a guy.  And then they realize that the most eligible guys in their age range want to date younger, generally non-career oriented women.  Oops!
 
So, they are full of contempt and jealousy whenever they encounter such a relationship to the point they are funny.  But I would assume that the younger girls have to put up with an immense amount of harrassment and pressure, and it's not funny for them.  Those older AW believe that men their age MUST date exclusively them because they sincerely believe in all that feminist crap, and they will go out of their way to make any younger woman (foreign or not) that will dare to stray into their dating pool feel miserable and embarrassed.

[beginthebeguin]

Traveler I absolutely agree with what you have just said.
But to women that are really 'in tune' with life,  being a wife and mother is their real 'career', these are the perceptive ones. It is just that the feminist crap shoved down the AW's throat (bad metaphor there) makes them believe the crap until it is nearly too late for them biologically.
Imagine if the mass media and the so called educational system we have today in Norteamarica could be 'turned' into a medium of 'non interference' in developing so called 'role-models'. Let the influence of extended families and 'nature' take is course. We as a whole nation would be far better off.   
 

[InnocentVixen]

Something interesting I've noticed is that when I started my search a lot of men would not take me seriously on regular dating sites, some men actually went ahead and said it "you are too young for me" even if we had nice long conversations and we seemed to be at the very least on the same maturity level. (I was about 25)


Then I decided to give cherry blossoms a try... and Oh surprise... the profiles that I found interesting where mostly looking for women younger than me and it seems to be a trend there for men to lie about their age, but most didn't seem to mind my age if we had things in common as long as the age gap from what they were looking for was not too big, I would guess my english skills played a part there.


Now at 28 (29 in a couple of months actually) I feel it might be a good time to give normal dating sites another try, even my last relationship the guy took me "kind of" seriously after 2 years, just enough to give it a try...


Bottom line is, you guys give too much importance to the number that is age!! it baffles me when men lie about their age when they are in their 40's.... like that was old!... also I've realized that asking age is considered very rude over there, while here in Mexico is a standard question you ask when you know someone or just trying to make some conversation, so it's almost like it's a cultural thing to be uncomfortable with your age, we latinos don't care... well maybe we care more than philipinos since 60 and 18 doesn't sound like a great match for us, but that is a little extreme.

[Traveler]

60 to 18 is extreme to me as well, but it was not Phillippines.  It was Russia.

[mudd]

What Mudd said is correct, but I believe an even bigger issue is that women in the US absolutely HATE when an older guy is dating a younger woman.  They HATE, HATE, HATE it.  They wait until they are over 30, sometimes well over 30, to settle down so that they have time to have fun, achieve professional success, whatever, and then when they are past their prime they all of a sudden remember that they need to find a guy.  And then they realize that the most eligible guys in their age range want to date younger, generally non-career oriented women.  Oops!

very true, i have seen men i know with women from other countries, Peru, Colombia, Philippians, Ukraine  and every time they are in a social situation, party, get together what not,  the american women are putting down, both the man and women behind their backs, with snipe comments " oh god, look at the pathetic child chaser, she is 20 years younger than him"...  or " she  only married him for a visa" ect, you get the idea.   sad thing is, i have met some older women in their late 40's and 50's dating younger men and nobody says a thing, talk about a double standard.






yes, their are a lot of issues with bringing a foreign women to USA or any  home country, jealousy being one of them from the locals. you have to deal with a lot of issues. i have even see legal immigrants who are from the girls home country, telling the new wife to leave her new husband  for somebody that's from her country who lives in her new city.  guess guys will find out, how well they know their prospective brides soon enough when these issues come up

[Traveler]

Mudd,
 
I disagree somewhat about the double standard.  The reason why nobody is talking bad about older women dating younger men is because the people who would be talking bad - eligible men their age - don't care.  Whereas older women feel jealous of the younger women daring to dip into their dating pool. 
 
It's social economics.  Older women are not a limited resource.  But eligible older men (financially stable, taking care of themselves, still attractive, etc.) are scarce.

[mudd]

I disagree somewhat about the double standard.  The reason why nobody is talking bad about older women dating younger men is because the people who would be talking bad - eligible men their age - don't care.  Whereas older women feel jealous of the younger women daring to dip into their dating pool.

its a double standard in the fact that when an older man is dating a younger woman, he gets flack, but when an older woman is dating a younger guy, nobody says much of anything.


when a woman states she is dating a much younger man, all she gets is " you go girl"  but if an older guy is with a younger girl, he gets "  child chaser or mid-life crisis loser "

[Zon]

double standard in the USA?   Can you imagine if there was a male version of the cougar cruise?!?!?

http://travel.usatoday.com/cruises/2010-06-03-cougar-cruise_N.htm

You see all the crap the MEN here give me for a checkered past ...  that is purely a function of the female dominant socialization that has occur ed in the USA by women AND men.   

I like it here!   (By the way moved out of Cali into a smaller, more normal city ... things are super mucho mas mejor)

[fathertime]

this subject comes out about every few months and we all have discussed this to death. there are so many differnet factors to consider. i would have to say that there are a few major factors. where you live and how you live. what the guy looks likes and weather or not he cares about how he looks and if he plans to take care of himself. do you plan on your women working or staying home. all of these thing will come in to plan when you are deciding on what is the proper age for you.
 
Ray

I am going to have to agree with Ray on this one.  If I followed the 1/2 age +7 I would not be married, so I think it is a not a useful measuring stick, at least not for me!  All the things Ray mentioned in his post are what matters, not a one size fits all measuring stick. 


Fathertime! 

[fathertime]

Mudd,
 
I disagree somewhat about the double standard.  The reason why nobody is talking bad about older women dating younger men is because the people who would be talking bad - eligible men their age - don't care.  Whereas older women feel jealous of the younger women daring to dip into their dating pool. 
 
It's social economics.  Older women are not a limited resource.  But eligible older men (financially stable, taking care of themselves, still attractive, etc.) are scarce.

Hahah! that was funny Traveler!   You are correct, men don't care if older women go for younger men, if I were single, I would probably encourage the behavior, if it would leave all the young ladies to the men that haven't been picked off by feasting hungry cougars.


 I have a friend who is a cub of one of these cougars (around 17 year age difference), and it isn't a pretty site for me, he is like a tamed male lapdog and the wife looks very similiar to his MOTHER.   


Fathertime!   

[JimD]

 

 (By the way moved out of Cali into a smaller, more normal city ... things are super mucho mas mejor)

I like it her too! What smaller city did you move to?

[Traveler]

I honestly didn't find Cali to be too big.  I love Medellin, but in fact feel it is a bit too small for my tastes, and it's bigger than Cali.  I guess tastes differ.

[Researcher]

Hahah! that was funny Traveler!   You are correct, men don't care if older women go for younger men, if I were single, I would probably encourage the behavior, if it would leave all the young ladies to the men that haven't been picked off by feasting hungry cougars.


 I have a friend who is a cub of one of these cougars (around 17 year age difference), and it isn't a pretty site for me, he is like a tamed male lapdog and the wife looks very similiar to his MOTHER.   


Fathertime!

      I agree FT.I don't think anyone minds these older broads with younger guys.I never could go for the older women when I was younger. There maybe exceptions but for the most part I just don't find them attractive.


            Researcher

[Zon]

Researcher / FT et all = "I don't think anyone minds these older broads with younger guys.I never could go for the older women when I was younger. There maybe exceptions but for the most part I just don't find them attractive."

YOU MISS THE POINT.

Courgar Cruises got on every TV news show.  How cute, these powerful, successful ladies are going to go pick up and have sex with good looking, impressionable young men.    The reverse was/ is normal in traditional cultures - even in the USA 30 - 40 years ago.  LOOK HOW THINGS HAVE TURNED upside down!   Can you imagine what would happen if there was a cruise for powerful, successful men to pick up and have sex with good looking young women - SOUND LIKE A ZON ZON EVENT.  The world and YOU GUYS would have a [snip] fit!!!!

[AndyLee]

 If I followed the 1/2 age +7 I would not be married,
Fathertime!

I don't think there is a rule that says you have to marry someone who is exactly half your age plus 7. I think it's just a broad range within which we can look..........


In my own experience corresponding with women in Costa Rica, Ukraine and Colombia many of the women post their preference up to 20 years older than them, but in actuality there are many 30 and 40 year old women who will look for a man up to 20-30 years older.


Earlier in this thread someone mentioned that it is relatively recently, within 50 years or so, that AWs began looking for someone within only a few years of their age. Back in the 1800's and early to mid 1900's marriages between much older men and younger women were more common, especially in rural areas. Many mail order brides from the East migrated to the West to marry men twice their age. The women were often from poor families or no families and had very little opportunity to make a living for themselves or marry well in their own community so they went West to marry and hoped  it would provide them security and hoped for love and children.

[Researcher]

Researcher / FT et all = "I don't think anyone minds these older broads with younger guys.I never could go for the older women when I was younger. There maybe exceptions but for the most part I just don't find them attractive."

YOU MISS THE POINT.

Courgar Cruises got on every TV news show.  How cute, these powerful, successful ladies are going to go pick up and have sex with good looking, impressionable young men.    The reverse was/ is normal in traditional cultures - even in the USA 30 - 40 years ago.  LOOK HOW THINGS HAVE TURNED upside down!   Can you imagine what would happen if there was a cruise for powerful, successful men to pick up and have sex with good looking young women - SOUND LIKE A ZON ZON EVENT.  The world and YOU GUYS would have a [snip] fit!!!!

       So these ladies pay for sex with these young men? Not all these cougars pay the young men for sex. I don't think Demi Moore paid Ashton Kutcher to be with her.These are the situations I am referring to.

      Researcher

[Traveler]

Well, actually there are women who do.  Also, many older women, especially from England and North Europe, go to Caribbean islands, Turkey and Egypt to date much younger men, whom they marry, financially support and bring back home.  Of course most of them then leave their "sponsors", and many of those guys actually turn out to be gay. 

[Researcher]

Well, actually there are women who do.  Also, many older women, especially from England and North Europe, go to Caribbean islands, Turkey and Egypt to date much younger men, whom they marry, financially support and bring back home.  Of course most of them then leave their "sponsors", and many of those guys actually turn out to be gay.

  That's true I'm sure Traveler but not in every cougar case.

     Researcher