Spoiling your woman

[opusone]

I often hear/read  claims of men who take pleasure in spoiling their women, conversely, I hear /read claims of men who have lived to regret creating "spoiled brats" .  The thought of being called an "indian giver" can be repulsive, but, what do you do after you have recognized that you are the one responsible for the demands she makes?

[Researcher]

    All you can do is change your behavior(giving too much) or accept the situation for what it is.Now, if you change your behavior and stop spoiling then the "spoiled" probably won't like it.Then it's a matter of who gives in first or if the relationship will end.

      Researcher

[Kiltboy1]

I often hear/read  claims of men who take pleasure in spoiling their women, conversely, I hear /read claims of men who have lived to regret creating "spoiled brats" .  The thought of being called an "indian giver" can be repulsive, but, what do you do after you have recognized that you are the one responsible for the demands she makes?

I spoiled my Cali wife and paid a hefty price for that. I make my Quito Wife work for her keep. She behaves herself very well in the process and we have a mutual respect for the work we put into the relationship, children, home and workplace.
 
KB

[opusone]

I spoiled my Cali wife and paid a hefty price for that. I make my Quito Wife work for her keep. She behaves herself very well in the process and we have a mutual respect for the work we put into the relationship, children, home and workplace.
 
KB

Interesting that you would reference that. In my personal experience, I found it to be worse if you spoiled a Latina who resides in Latin America, more so than American women ,simply because of the access/exposure to material goods. It seems as though the sense of entitlement is even greater when you are not used to having things that you have so desired . In fact, it seems more akin to the "great society" that was created, which we all still pay for , yet scream bloody murder for those who refuse to stop sucking on the "tit". Question is, would you date/marry a woman who you already knew was spoiled, all other things being equal?

[raycjs]

i would not date a spoiled women, the aggravation just is not worth it.
 
 
 
 
 
Ray

[Kiltboy1]

Interesting that you would reference that. In my personal experience, I found it to be worse if you spoiled a Latina who resides in Latin America, more so than American women ,simply because of the access/exposure to material goods. It seems as though the sense of entitlement is even greater when you are not used to having things that you have so desired . In fact, it seems more akin to the "great society" that was created, which we all still pay for , yet scream bloody murder for those who refuse to stop sucking on the "tit". Question is, would you date/marry a woman who you already knew was spoiled, all other things being equal?

I was refering to my ex wife from Cali Colombia, not California
 
KB

[opusone]

I was refering to my ex wife from Cali Colombia, not California
 
KB

KB,


 If I may ask, what was the social /economic status of you wife from Cali? Seems as though this also plays a part in how they react to the "things" men do , to profess our undying love. Broad spectrum brush though, because the poor barrio girl would react the same way as someone in strata 5 in my experience . Seems a fine line between spoiling a woman and taking care of a woman.

[beginthebeguin]

In a related vein to this mother lode of discussion here is something to ponder. The one thing I have noticed in my limited experience in dealing with Colombian women is that if you are going to retire 'in-country' they are extremely interested in knowing if you will have a vehicle when you are there. Here we take it for granted that a woman having total acess to a vehicle and do not consider them 'spoiled' if they wanted one, in many places in the EE.UU. it is a necessity.
I don't think you 'spoil' a woman if your realationship with her includes her having daily access to a vehicle. It gives them geographic mobility rather that social mobility. Of course that is only for the age group of women I am interested in. Now the younger ones (under 40) that may be a different matter. Any input on this would be appreciated.   

[Researcher]

i would not date a spoiled women, the aggravation just is not worth it.
 
 
 
 
 
Ray

     I'm with Ray!

      Researcher

[fathertime]

  Seems a fine line between spoiling a woman and taking care of a woman.

I’m not sure what constitutes spoiling vs taking care of either. 

 . Question is, would you date/marry a woman who you already knew was spoiled, all other things being equal?

If a woman had been spoiled prior to a man entering the scene and that can be determined, I would likely avoid marrying that woman.  It would be awful hard to be married to somebody who demanded a lot all the time as a part of their nature. 




Since my wife has proven to be a very good woman/spouse/mother, I would err on the side of slightly spoiling if it came down to it.  I don’t see any reason to hold back.   I am not talking about Ferrari’s and 3 month cruises around the world, but just whatever can be done to ease burdens and spending the money necessary to make that happen.  This does need to be reciprocal though.  If a woman goes rancid, then spoiling her at that point would do no good.


Fathertime!

 

[Kiltboy1]

KB,


 If I may ask, what was the social /economic status of you wife from Cali? Seems as though this also plays a part in how they react to the "things" men do , to profess our undying love. Broad spectrum brush though, because the poor barrio girl would react the same way as someone in strata 5 in my experience . Seems a fine line between spoiling a woman and taking care of a woman.

Opusone
 
She would have been considered like a Strata 4 lifestyle. Parents had a car, father retired from the government, mom was retired nurse .She was just a very hot, used to having men around her giving her things type of princess which I did not know until was too late. That is the problem with only being able to spend a week or two at a time with someone. They can be very good actresses for that amount of time before you leave and then go back to there real way of life.
 
KB

[beginthebeguin]

FT sez

If a woman goes rancid, then spoiling her at that point would do no good.

Fathertime do you always equate women with cheese?    hehehehe

[fathertime]

FT sez Fathertime do you always equate women with cheese?    hehehehe

Ja! 
I was actually thinking in terms of milk when I used that word!


Fathertime! 

[beginthebeguin]

Warning imminent thread drift!!!!

FT replied

I was actually thinking in terms of milk when I used that word!

Milk now that is an interesting subject. Could you spoil a woman by occasionally by feeding her Fettuchini Alfredo? I have this tejano friend who claims that women have a natural affinity for milk products especially when they are of child bearing age. 
 

[Researcher]

Opusone
 
She would have been considered like a Strata 4 lifestyle. Parents had a car, father retired from the government, mom was retired nurse .She was just a very hot, used to having men around her giving her things type of princess which I did not know until was too late. That is the problem with only being able to spend a week or two at a time with someone. They can be very good actresses for that amount of time before you leave and then go back to there real way of life.
 
KB

        Words of wisdom here.I spent enough time with my wife to at least be comfortable with the decision of marrying her.I expected some problems but got lucky.My wife won't let me spoil her because our future is important to her and she knows the value of a buck.

        Researcher

[opusone]

Since my wife has proven to be a very good woman/spouse/mother, I would err on the side of slightly spoiling if it came down to it.  I don’t see any reason to hold back.   I am not talking about Ferrari’s and 3 month cruises around the world, but just whatever can be done to ease burdens and spending the money necessary to make that happen.  This does need to be reciprocal though.  If a woman goes rancid, then spoiling her at that point would do no good.


Fathertime!

FT,


Spending money on things that are necessary to ease burdens would probably not qualify as "spoiling" her. Rather I see this as a "taking care of her" duty we all sign up for if you are the sole breadwinner in a relationship. Now, having said that, when you say that "this needs to be reciprocal, are there required things that she has to do?


In my experience , women who are spoiled by men don't ever think they "need" to do anything. The mere thought that they exist in your life is enough. Usually when you make demands on these types of women, it has the opposite effect , and lo and behold, they find someone else who will spoil them. 

[robert angel]

It is surprisingly easy to spoil someone and once they're spoiled, whether it's before you came into the picture or after, there's pretty much no turning back, unless you come to lack the resources after a while. If you come to lack 'the resources' then you may be in even worse straits, as money problems have a wicked, wicked way of dividing people, with the stress they create.
 
I was warned by a couple level headed ladies that I was sort of 'spoiling my wife' before she got even got here. I was having a really good time shopping for all kinds of 'stuff' that I thought would, besides me, make her happy and less homesick. Thankfully, she talked me out of getting her a little puppy, an overseas cable TV package and a few other things--she didn't even want a rice cooker, new pots and pans or silverware.
 
It's a great point about how if you have a wife who won't let you spoil her, it makes the future ahead better. There have been some gifts that were a bit expensive and I always discused them with her and invariably, with things like a karaoke machine, a computer and a tablet reader, to name but a few things, she made sure we got the more reasonable 'model' or skipped it all together.
Usually, we try and decide whether we actually 'want' something, versus actually 'need' it.

Some wives expect a trip home every year and we might go every few years--that saves thousands of dollars. Our vacations tend to be family related ones--where we end up staying with family. By saving for six years, including clipping coupons, we've been able to buy--no not totally, but the mortgage payments are small because we saved for a decent down payment, a modest little house back home--a 'fixer upper' that her family is more than happy to help out on. If there's anything 'big' that she's always had a dream about having and has shared with me, it's a little house back home, with just enough room for family to visit, stay a while and her brother to stay in and keep up.

Sure, we have dreams of going to Europe someday, but they're not serious, not with two teenage sons to support still anyway. We make spending wisely and saving kind of a sport. She quit her second job, took a single one that pays better and I'm going back to working two jobs again, but we still have more time together now.

We may be able to save enough to realize a smaller, but kind of expensive still dream. Fathertime wrote a while back about cruises, how if you shop around, they're not too expensive and he was right. We may take a week long cruise next year--we've seen pictures of friends on their cruises and while she hasn't made a big deal out of it, I know she'd love it and that it will be 'over the top'--just an experience unlike anything she's done. Hell--for putting up with my sons and I for the last six years, I figure she deserves it. It'll probably make us both feel like Donald Trump and whoever he's married to these days--last time I checked, I thought my wife was cuter anyway...
 
But I'd recommend staying away from women who expect a lot of material things, or who point out the 'things' and monetary allowances that other women's boy friends and husbands give them. Having someone who's spoiled is pretty bad and again--you can create that monster yourself. I see some guys who get 'in the dog house' and typically try and buy their way out with things like expensive purses, 'run around money' and jewelry. Unlike flowers (which I think are most effective when given for no apparent reason) that's typically a short term solution for a long term problem--a band aid when major surgery is perhaps needed. Avoiding all that and the 'keeping up with the Jones's' syndrome can save you a lot of grief.

[InnocentVixen]

"taking care of" and "spoiling" are hard for me to understand sometimes I think, as the first is supposed to mean something along the lines of "cuidar/mantener" and the second one would be "mimar"


cuidar/mantener is about protection and basic needs such as a home, food, clothes, etc. This is to be expected from a husband.


mimar is about being affectionate and loving, so it is weird that it translates to spoil when it seems to have such a negative meaning to so many people, it is common to have a boyfriend who will do this and then forget about it when married, it might include gifts of romantic nature but not a must.


I feel "mimada" when I have a good man in my life that makes me feel cherished and loved, hence it only makes sense that I translate it to me loving being spoiled and looking for a man who will not stop spoiling me after married, which I know it might sound awful, but it's a very common translation mistake.


So just like with everything else, if this subject comes up with your lady make sure you are on the same page before running for the hills if she tells you she loves being spoiled!

[beginthebeguin]

Then I_V there is no easy way to translate 'spoiled' in the negative sense that we Anglo males use that can be applied in español. Is this what you are saying? 

[fathertime]

 


In my experience , women who are spoiled by men don't ever think they "need" to do anything. The mere thought that they exist in your life is enough. Usually when you make demands on these types of women, it has the opposite effect , and lo and behold, they find someone else who will spoil them.

Yes now that I see and I agree 4-square.   Really anybody that gets involved with a woman that demanding and unwilling to work at all, has made a terrible choice for marriage.  In my life, I've can't recall running across a lady like this, but  I guess there are suckers out there that will fall prey to these ladies, because of a pretty face. 
 

FT,


Spending money on things that are necessary to ease burdens would probably not qualify as "spoiling" her. Rather I see this as a "taking care of her" duty we all sign up for if you are the sole breadwinner in a relationship. Now, having said that, when you say that "this needs to be reciprocal, are there required things that she has to do?

 

I don't think 'Required' is the right word because that sounds too much like drudgery and a job.  Of course there are things  that both spouses gotta take care of for the betterment of the household/marriage.  Making money, nurturing a child, cleaning, shopping, cooking, self-improvement activities,  among a zillion other little things.  From my perspective it requires working together. 
Fathertime! 

[Micky]

Bt'B -
 
Unless someone lives on a finca,  or possibly other abnormal reasons,  there is no NEED to own a car here.  Also with the culture here,  it is VERY possible that the WANT of a car could be for status purpose only.  Cars are not cheap to buy,  insure,  fuel is expensive.  Public trans is affordable and efficient in 90% of the country as a whole,  more so in the cities.
 
Spoiling someone,  to me,  is doing something,  buying something,  taking them somewhere special,  on occasion.  Doing those things on a regular basses is fool hardy.  Human nature dictates that we become use to and EXPECT repeated things in our lives as we are creatures of habit.  What may start as appreciation will morph into expectation,  almost certainly.
 
Not confusing this with a man wanting to provide the best possible life for his wife and family.
 
A side note.  I do not watch much TV at all,  but some years back I watched maybe 3/5 minutes of some "reality show"  (as if there is such a thing).  This 16 y.o. girl got her first car,  a Mercedes and it was NOT a "entry level" one (not that it makes a difference).  She was BITCHING because it was her brothers two year old hand-me-down,  and how she was being screw.  Yea,  spoiling produces exceptional people.
 
Micky

[Bob_S]

You can only spoil a child.  A grown adult mature woman knows how to graciously refuse, yet still express appreciation for, your generosity.

[opusone]

You can only spoil a child.  A grown adult mature woman knows how to graciously refuse, yet still express appreciation for, your generosity.

Bob,


I can understand the deductive reasoning you are using here, but one would also want to live in a perfect world. Maturity is subjective, yet temptation, can be defined as absolute since it is not a tangible(E.g. God). To graciously refuse , yet express appreciation for ones generosity is rather the exception, than the rule. As people become more self-absorbed , I'm not sure whether or not a woman who is grown, or an adult, would have much impact on her decision to be "spoiled'. As far as spoiling a child, is it not the same vicious cycle?

[opusone]

Then I_V there is no easy way to translate 'spoiled' in the negative sense that we Anglo males use that can be applied in español. Is this what you are saying?

Of course there is . It is a universal term with the same parameters worldwide,no matter the language . If a knowledgeable someone doesn't know the difference ,it is because they choose to ignore the difference, or perhaps, create a distorted definition .

[Traveler]

I agree completely with Mickey on car ownership in Medellin.  It is NOT necessary most of the time.  Well, I would argue that if you live in a place like Los Balsos you do need it; I mean you will not like walking up the hill there  .  However, if you go down Ave del Poblado most of the time you will be stuck in traffic.  Owning a car is a status symbol precisely because it is expensive and unnecessary, and in Latin America social status is even more of a big deal than in the US, and for women worldwide social status is VERY important.  And if you are dating a woman from an upper class, social status is of paramount importance to them or else she will be escandalizada in her social circle.  And in contrast many poor girls grow up dreaming of becoming an upper class princess and having a car, empleada, etc.  That's the culture in Colombia, it's not about necessity but about what other people think of them, at least based on my experience.
 
My ex gf told me one time that when she came first to my apartment and I cooked her a dinner she sincerely thought I was gay.  I asked her why?  Well, apparently cleaning my own apartment qualified a man as being gay.  Well, so the guys you were dating lived in a pig sty?  No, they had empleadas.  All of them?  Yes.  What if they didn't want to pay for one?  Well, then they would not be able to afford to date me.
 
I would say that a woman in Colombia based on my experience would expect a certain degree of financial support, probably more than an average woman in the US.  Just don't overdo it, and don't engage in it until you know that this is not the main reason the woman is with you.