Red Flags for Men

[jvoorhees]

Another post got me thinking.  We talk alot on this forum about red flags for women.  i.e. If they act like this, they are likely a Gold Digger, etc.
 
So I was wondering, what are the red flags for the men traveling south of the border to find a wife?  What are clear indicators that this adventure will likely not work for him?  Signs that he will either fail in finding a women willing to marry him or that he will fail in a marriage to a latin bride?

[Colgando]

I do not know any men personally that have failed, but from reading this forum, I would say some of the biggest red flags are guys without a strong spine, back bone, typical american nice guys. The other I would say are guys that can't dig or adapt to the culture, the flare, the life, the heat, the passion, maybe this guy would be better off with a plain Jane, nothing wrong with plain Jane, she is just not the one for me. Latinas are not for everyone.

[Chris F]

Another post got me thinking.  We talk alot on this forum about red flags for women.  i.e. If they act like this, they are likely a Gold Digger, etc.
 
So I was wondering, what are the red flags for the men traveling south of the border to find a wife?  What are clear indicators that this adventure will likely not work for him?  Signs that he will either fail in finding a women willing to marry him or that he will fail in a marriage to a latin bride?

If you have  some "game" and experience with women in general you should be fine. If you have limited exeriences and relationships with women in your life before going to South America you could easily be a victim with some of the ladies there.

[Calipro]

I do not know any men personally that have failed, but from reading this forum, I would say some of the biggest red flags are guys without a strong spine, back bone, typical american nice guys. The other I would say are guys that can't dig or adapt to the culture, the flare, the life, the heat, the passion, maybe this guy would be better off with a plain Jane, nothing wrong with plain Jane, she is just not the one for me. Latinas are not for everyone.

Geeeez!!! Where to start.....let's start with guys that go to a marriage agency ( which by the way is the easiest place on the planet to get a date) and still can't get a date. jajaja


Guys that are in need of dental work....I mean if you are missing teeth don't come here....guys that have no style or are just plain slobs....and guys that just are clueless about what is appropriate attire and dress....wearing cowboy hats and a large handle bar mustache will embarrass the [snip] out of a women here if she is seen out with you.


Don't get me started on the overweight guys....there are some heavier guys here but just how many do you see with there gut hanging over their belt.  People here just are not used to even seeing people like that much so you need to do something about your weight before attemping to get anything decent here.


Now let's move on to the guys that speak no spanish and have dates that are more like job interviews....I mean I have actually seen guys that carry a list of questions that they ask each and every women that they meet....talk about a fun and exciting first date. LOL!!!


Let's just skip the social misfits.....too sad to even talk about.


Then there are the reasonably good looking guys that dress well and have decent social skills but just can't close the deal....lack of spanish is a problem for them but aside from that I think their biggest mistake is that they are looking to hard for a wife and just not thinking about building a relationship that leads to some level of intimacy. Bottom line is if you can't hook up....you can't find a wife here.... just like in the states.


I have often had guys that speak very little spanish ask me how can they know if a woman is interested in getting intimate......I tell them...after the date just go back to your hotel....if she gets out of the cab you are halfway there....and if she goes to your room and sits on the bed you are home free....colombian women are very practical when it comes to this kind of stuff....they just won't go to your hotel room if they don't plan on doing anything....even if you asked them to come up just to watch TV with you....they would probably laugh because they just aren't going to believe you. jajaja

[Quixote9]

Well,
Here are some essential qualities you need IMHO to succeed:

• Able to devote plenty of time to:  finding the RIGHT girl for you (not just the 1st girl who knocks his socks off), Getting to really KNOW her and letting her really get to KNOW you (Let enough time pass so you both have no illusions about what the other person is really going to be like as a partner), make frequent trips to visit her and spend time with her under normal circumstances (if you treat your trips as a vacations to have fun all the time, what happens when you don't have all the distractions keeping you entertained? Will you still enjoy each others company?)  You have to allow yourself time to "go back to the drawing board" and start over from scratch if you don't feel the relationship is working.  Believe me, cut your losses early if things start feeling hinky. If you don't have the time to do this right, either make the time or don't bother.
• You have to have enough money that you aren't that worried about how much this is going to cost you, but smart enough with your money not to let anyone take advantage of you.  There is no CHEAP way to do this, there are going to be a lot more expenses than you anticipated.  If you start to stress about how much this is all costing you, it will drive you batty.  But you still have to be IN CHARGE, because this is YOUR MONEY, and people will bleed you dry taking advantage of you if you let them.  You have to establish boundries.   You can't be loved without being respected, so never allow others to disrespect you because you want their love.
• Latin women expect men, particularly more mature men, to act with authority. I don't mean macho or controlling or dominating.... I mean act with authority.  You have to KNOW what you want, what you expect, what you are going to do, how you are going to do it, and be able to communicate that clearly and with authority.  It is not about telling HER what to do, it is about telling her what YOU are going to do.  YOU have a plan.  YOU know exactly what you want.  It isnt about you being unreasonable, but it IS about you not changing what you want to please anyone else.  Think about it like this: If you want to kiss a woman, you just kiss her, you never ask permission 1st.  How she responds to the kiss is up to her and you need to respect that, but you acted with authority and that was likely a big turn on for her if she was into you at all.  You know how some people ask themselves "What would Jesus do?"  Well I like to think of the "World's Most Interesting Man" from the Dos Equis commercials and think "What would the world's most interesting man do?" And I do that thing.
• You need a positive attitude.  About yourself and what your life is like alone and what you have to offer if you shared that life with some lucky girl. You need a positive attitude about your lady. You need to have a positive attitude about the process and your chances of success.  I am not saying put blinders on, if something is wrong than be willing to change it, but don't just develop a negative attitude and hope think things will improve on their own.  Nobody likes a negative person, particularly latin women, they just don't respond well to negativity.  Be positive about what ever choices you decide to make, not negative about choices she makes, or positive about choices she makes that you don't actually agree with.

I think these are all lessons I had to learn the hard way. But you CAN learn them.  There are probably even more lessons I need to learn, and I will probably learn those the hard way too.  But I am OK with that.  I am a work in progress.

[Researcher]

If you have  some "game" and experience with women in general you should be fine. If you have limited exeriences and relationships with women in your life before going to South America you could easily be a victim with some of the ladies there.

     I would have to say that what Chris F. said is probably the "root cause" of many reasons guys have problems with the women. Lack of experience with women in general.

       Researcher

[Alabamaboy!]

Quixote, I would agree with pretty much everything you wrote there. I think that is the way to approach things. If you are going to try doing things a different way, get ready to have some major problems in your life.

[pablito]

• Well I like to think of the "World's Most Interesting Man" from the Dos Equis commercials and think "What would the world's most interesting man do?" And I do that thing.

Thank you sir, you have inspired me, hopefully for the better!

[InSanDiego]

Quixote, good advice...